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How to Impact the Heart & Change Behavior

Today we are talking about how to impact the heart and change behavior in your kids. In the moment it can be really easy to get caught up about the behavior of your child but what is most important is the heart of your child. 

Over the last nineteen years of parenting, we have discussed this topic so many times. We have had to remind ourselves not to take things personally and to have realistic expectations of our kids because when they are little they are not saved yet and they do not have the elements of knowing the Lord, knowing his word, being able to have self-control and preaching to themselves and all the things that we as mature Christians do have. 

This is going to be a very practical podcast on how to deeply engage in your kid’s hearts. 

It’s such a busy life these days and there are so many things that can occupy our time and if you really audit your parenting and the parenting of your spouse and then when you reflect on the rhythm of the week how much of the week was full of surface conversations versus real heart to heart conversations. 

The enemy wants us to be so caught up in so much business that we don’t have the time but many people don’t recognize this as the challenge. A lot of people think that time isn’t an issue and that as long as they spend quality time with their kids everything will be fine but you CANNOT have quality time without quantity time. Without quantity time you cant go deep!

So the question is “how do you do that with a busy schedule?” well you need to analyze what you are busy doing and if it’s more important than quantity time with your kids so that you can have deep fruitful relationships. 

Sometimes the answer to the question is including your kids in the business. Take your kids to work with you. Talk during car rides. 

So we are going to give you some practical tips here because open communication is so important and this topic is more relevant than ever because of our culture today. We are the first generation who are raising kids that are more unsocial because of social media and access to the internet. 

So we are going to jump into it!

We have three keys for you that we are going to discuss!

How to Impact the Heart & Change Behavior

  1. Heart Not Behavior 

  2. Heart Conversations

  3. Nothing is Taboo to Talk About

 

1. Heart Not Behavior

  • Matthew 15:18-20 says “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”
  • So, the heart is super important and it is naturally wayward. And this brings us back to one of our earlier points which is to have the correct expectations of our children! The bible says in Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” it literally says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child! Once we understand the state of our child’s heart we begin to have a different perspective and our expectations will naturally change. 
  • It is important to have biblical expectations of your kids so that you are not expecting them to have the reaction and symptoms of a spiritually mature person when in reality they don’t know the Lord and therefore can not have the fruits of the spirit. 
  • It is important to be patient. We have busy lives and to have patience with our kids can be hard sometimes but it is vital! Tending to the heart takes time. If you are just looking at the behavior and you discipline and move on you are using a short term approach and only temporarily fixing the problem at hand. Again, the problem is not behavior it’s the heart. In order to correct the heart, we need to be speaking to it during wartime (bad behavior) and peacetime (good behavior) we need to speak to our child’s heart when they do something wrong as well as when we are having good times together! 
  • When we speak to the hearts of our children we are not only correcting or encouraging their hearts but we are also teaching them how to correct their own hearts. We are not always going to be here for our children so it’s important that when they move out and start their own lives that they know how to lead and correct their hearts when it is needed. 
  • When your child is misbehaving your reaction and response to that misbehavior will either cause your child to escalate even more or to calm down. 
  • If you can’t come before the Lord and ask Him to reveal any sin in your heart or corrections that need to be made then you will not be able to teach your kids how to. 
  • So, what is the ultimate goal of parenting? It’s that your kids come to know God and that they are sent out of the home with the great commission mindset to share the good news and living their lives to be ambassadors of Christ. 
  • It’s important to remember that your kids do not need you. They need Jesus. And if we just had this mindset everything would change. We should be disciplining our children so that they can obey God not so that they can obey us. 
  • Raising children to know and love God is a long term commitment and sadly most parents miss this and end up taking the short term approach to parenting which is disciplining to correct behavior instead of disciplining to correct the heart. When you discipline to correct behavior you’re doing it out of your own will. How futile is that to believe that in your own strength you can actually change a human being. 
  • Bad behavior is a result of a heart condition. You may discipline a kid for saying a bad word but what’s more important is that you ask the question “why is that kid saying a bad word”.
  • Don’t take this the wrong way! We believe in discipline but discipline is only a part of the process. If you don’t examine your child’s heart and find the root cause of the bad behavior that behavior will not stop. 
  • It’s important to understand that bad behavior is a result of disobedience to authority. If they can’t obey you how will they obey God?
  • 1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7 says Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
  •  It is important to reflect on this scripture and ask ourselves “are we kind in how we interact with our children? Are we envious? And are we too prideful to admit when we are wrong?” we should be approaching relationships with our kids in love. 
  • Proverbs 1:7 says “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,”
  • But fools despise wisdom and instruction.” if we are not working with our kids so that they can yield to wisdom then when they are older the likelihood that they are going to yield to God’s wisdom is less likely. 

2. Heart Conversations

  • It is easier for people to make a change when it is their idea. Now, kids should obey their parents no matter what but it can be even more fruitful when they understand why they are obeying. We should be explaining things to our children and helping them to have their own heart convictions. Once your children have their own personal convictions that align with God’s word your parenting will be a lot easier!
  • This starts with a desire to have deeper conversations and deeper relationships with your kids. If you don’t have that desire then the business of life and your fleshly agenda will get right in the way. 
  • The reality is that no one likes to be talked at. Do you honestly think that your kids were born with the desire to be talked at for the rest of their life? We need to treat our children the way we would want to be treated and this is not passive parenting you are the authority but what we are talking about is correct communication that is loving and effective. 
  • It is important to ask questions but it’s also important to understand that we are all wired differently and asking questions can be harder for certain people. Here’s the trick, ask three questions deep. Instead of just simply asking how someone’s day was, ask why their day was good or why it was bad and then ask them what their favorite part was. This is the key to having deep conversations. Never ask “yes or no” questions, they don’t lead anywhere. 
  • One of the biggest complaints with children is that they feel like their parents don’t know them. The main reason for this epidemic is that kids don’t have transparency modeled for them and because parents don’t care enough to invest in deeper relationships with their kids!
  • Silence is good. Yes, it can be awkward sometimes but if you have never experienced silence in a conversation with your kids then it’s probably because you have never asked a question that requires deeper thought and processing. Are you only asking surfacy questions or thought-provoking deep questions?
  • James 1:19 – 20 says “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
  • A great question to ask your kids is “do you think I am a good listener?” 
  • In an argument or conversation sometimes it can be hard to allow the other person to speak when you think you are right but whether you are right or not if they are unable to speak they will break down because you are abusing your authority and being prideful.

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3. Nothing is Taboo to Talk About

  • If there is anything that your kids are not allowed to talk to you about you are going to run into problems. 
  • At some point, as your kids are getting older you are going to have to talk about masturbation, pornography, puberty, boundaries, gender identity, etc. if you are having a hard time talking to your kids about heart things then how can you expect them to come to you when they are seven and have been touched in the wrong way?
  • If you overreact immediately when your kid comes to you with something important or personal then you have immediately shut the door for open communication and it will be even harder for your kids to talk to you about things. 
  • Ultimately God is the father of your kids and it is so important that your ultimate goal is to point them to God. and one of the best ways to do this is to pray with your kids and pray for your kids. 
  • We cannot change children’s hearts only God can do that, and that can be a scary thing to know which is why it is so incredibly important to pray for your children. Pray that they know God, that they love him, and that they live for him. 

Scripture In This Episode:

Matthew 15:18-20 –But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”

Proverbs 22:15 –Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of correction will drive it far from him.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 –Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Proverbs 1:7 –The fear of the Lordis the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

James 1:19-20 –So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

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    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

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    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Raising Biblically Strong & Submissive Daughters

This is a special episode. Today we have our daughter Megan joining us!

We have decided that today we want to talk about raising biblically strong and submissive daughters.

We are going to talk about what it means to be biblically strong and biblically submissive in today’s crazy world. 

So let’s dive in!

Raising Biblically Strong & Submissive Daughters

  1. Worldly Culture Vs. Biblical Culture

  2.  Submissive Daughters

  3. Raising Strong Daughters

 1. Worldly Culture Vs. Biblical Culture

  • This is a big topic. A lot of people don’t like the word submissive or the idea of submission, in fact, because of increasing feminism we see more and more rebellion against submission.
  • Because of feminism the word strong has been abused and turned into something other than what it is meant to be. 1828 Webster Dictionary’s definition of the word strong is “having physical active power or great physical power. Having the power of exerting great bodily force, vigorous, a strong man will lift twice his own weight. Having the ability to bear or endure.”
  • the ability to bear or endure is a quality that we should want our daughters to have because life is hard, you are going to go through trials at some point in your life and we should desire for our daughters to be able to bear burdens with their husbands and be able to handle trials even before they are married! Before you are married you should be able to stand strong in the Lord and his might. Based on this definition we should want our daughters to be strong.
  • Sadly today the word strong has been beaten and bashed. In today’s culture, strong women are portrayed as vicious and vulgar. They use profanity and anything possible to make their voices louder and force it into people’s faces! Being forceful, vulgar, radical and out of control are aspects of what would be considered strong that are not biblical!

 

2. Submissive Daughters

  • Here is a definition of submission from the 1828 webster dictionary “the act of submitting, the act of yielding to power or authority, a surrender of the person and power to the control or government of one another. Acknowledgment of inferiority or dependence, humble or suppliant behavior, acknowledgment of a fault, confession of error, obedience, compliance with the commands or laws of a superior, this is a Christian duty of prime excellence.”
  •  A lot of times people think of submissive women as humble, quiet, weak women who are sheep and obey and do everything they are told and never have a voice, never lead and are treated like a doormat. 
  • So the word submission has been pinned with a bad reputation by the world, especially in recent years, and that reputation of submission has seeped into the church to the point where people hardly feel comfortable with discussing it. 
  • The topic we are asked most to talk about in our podcasts is obedience, but the thing is unless your children are taught to be submissive to authority they will not be obedient!
  • The first step towards obedience is submitting your will to authority. If you are not submitted you will not obey. So to all you parents wanting obedient children you need to talk to your kids and teach them to be submissive! And guess what, if you are not being submissive to God an the authority placed in your life whether it be your husband or mentor and God then your kids will not be submissive to you.
  • Our first goal is that we and our kids would be submitted to God. and that is what Jesus model for us, he submitted his will to the Father while he was on the cross. 
  • Submission should not be a topic that we avoid. Obedience is a form of submission and we need to teach submission to our children so that when they are ready they can submit their wills to God.
  • James 4:7 says “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” 
  • Submitting to authority is usually only possible when you are not being arrogant or prideful. 
  • Hebrews 13:17 says “Obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”
  • In today’s society, there is an independent, autonomous, individualistic nature and people want to make themselves known they want a platform, their name on everything which is just about pushing up their self-esteem and ego instead of making God known we try so desperately to make ourselves known. 
  • When you truly understand the great commission and you know your real purpose in life and you understand that you are on earth to make God known and to know him more and to create disciples when you truly understand that these things are your real purpose, pride is can no longer be a part of your agenda. 
  • Romans 13:1-7 says “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.”
  • A lot of people forget that one aspect of showing respect for authority is that you are rendering due to whom it is due. 
  • If we are raising our kids permissively and we are not setting boundaries or expecting obedience we are not making it known what our expectations are and then holding them accountable. If your kids do not respect you in the home they will not respect anyone else outside of the home, and that goes for teachers, babysitters, friends, relatives, etc. 
  • It is important to raise your daughters to be ready for their futures. 
  • We can’t know what God’s plans are for our children but what we do know is that he wants them to follow him and be a light for him. It’s our job as parents to equip our daughters for the possibility of marriage, to educate them adequately for them to accomplish their dreams and callings and to prepare them for everything that life will throw their way. 
  • It is important to talk to your daughters about modesty. The topic of modesty is a controversial one. Mostly because modesty is subjective. What may seem modest to one person could be immodest to another and that’s why we need to navigate and figure out what we believe is modest using wisdom and insight from the bible. 
  • The bible tells us to treat our bodies as a holy temple, is our body holy if we are immodest? The bible also tells us not to tempt a brother to sin. We are not here to talk about modesty but what we do want to impress upon you is that you can cultivate a desire in your daughter’s heart to be modest before the Lord. 
  • It is important to be aware of these things because the reality is that when a young girl or woman is not walking strong with the Lord and is not leaning on the Lord for adoration and love she will try and find it somewhere else and that could lead immodesty and impurity when it goes too far. 
  •  It is important to discuss these things with your kids and explain to them why you do or don’t do certain things because that allows them to be able to agree or disagree for themselves and find where they stand, and then when issues such as modesty come up they are able to discern and make decisions on their own because they have conviction and understanding on the matter at hand. 
  • Ephesians 5:22 says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
  • Colossians 3:18 says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
  • 1 Peter 3:1-7 says “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

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3. Raising Strong Daughters

  • We should want to raise our daughters to be strong but we do not want them to be the world definition of strong rather the biblical definition of a strong woman. 
  • Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 
  • From this verse, it is obvious that God wants us to be strong. The world is so unpredictable, it is uncertain and crazy, we need to be strong if we are going to be in the world! We need to raise our daughters (and sons) to be strong so that they are not deceived by the world and its many corrupt agendas. 
  • We need to teach our children about the world so that they can be equipped to run the race well! How are they supposed to be strong and stand firm against the world if they are not educated and aware of the evil set against them? 
  • The two most important things you need to talk to your daughters (or sons) about is walking with the Lord and the person they will marry. Because those two things will affect their futures. 
  • Isaiah 40:29-31 says “He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”
  • 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”
  • So God doesn’t want us to be full of fear or lacking the knowledge and becoming deceived and potentially falling away. 
  • Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
  • Ephesians 6:10 says “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”

 

Final Thoughts 

Are you modeling for your children what you want for them?

Are you submissive to God, to your husband and to the authorities God has given you?

Do you give honor where honor is due?

Do you teach these things to your kids?

Scripture In This Episode:

James 4:7 – “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

Hebrews 13:17 – “Obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”

Romans 13:1-7 – “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.”

Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

1 Peter 3:1-7 – “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Joshua 1:9 –“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Isaiah 40:29-31 –“He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”

2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Ephesians 6:10 – “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”

  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

    Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

    • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
    • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

    FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

    Relevant Resource Links:

    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Marriage Tips for Thriving During Postpartum

Today we are talking about the very relevant topic of postpartum and how to thrive in the midst of it! 

While you may not be in the season of postpartum this is relevant to a lot of people and may still be relevant to you. 

If you have ever had a postpartum experience that was maybe more traumatic for you or if past postpartum seasons were not pleasant memories for you then this is very important for you to hear because as someone who has gone through postpartum before you need to make sure that what you are sharing regarding postpartum is in alignment with what the bible says and encouraging the younger generations of moms to love their husbands and children and to be busy in the home just like Titus two talks about.

Within the Titus two ministry childbirth and postpartum are two controversial topics that don’t get handled enough. If only they were discussed more and people were more knowledgable on these topics marriages and families could be transformed in a very healthy way. 

If you have had negative experiences with postpartum and you have kids who witnessed it you could potentially be instilling fear in them which could prevent them from having kids in their future! It is vital to leave a legacy where your kids are excited to have families of their own and the way we as parents handle things such as postpartum will impact how our kids handle them as well. 

Our mission is to impact one million legacies and legacies start with babies. Postpartum is a natural season that is a result of babies and that is why we feel called to discuss postpartum today. So let’s jump into it!

Marriage Tips for Thriving During Postpartum

  1. Marriage

  2. Biblical Community

  3. Planning for Postpartum

  4. A New Vision for Postpartum

1. Marriage

  • Often women feel that they don’t have the support they need from their husbands during postpartum and most husbands don’t even realize this! 
  • If you are a woman and you feel like you are not getting the support you need from your husband then you need to tell him!
  • (We share our story of going through postpartum for the first time. Tune in to hear the full story!)
  • Postpartum can be an amazing time having a newborn but at the same time it can be a struggle and there are all kinds of things happening in a woman when she is going through postpartum and it is vital for a healthy marriage that you know about them. 
  • It is so important that you as a married couple are a team. Every woman has a different experience with childbirth and depending on the experience and situation you men might need to help out extra and yes men do need to work and provide for their families but it is important to remember that your bride and your children are the number one priority after God and if you put work or other things before family you will undoubtedly reap the consequences. 
  • You men may not always know how to help your wife during postpartum but it is important to understand that just by your presence and support your wife will feel like she is taken care of even if you don’t quite know what you are doing.
  • It is important to communicate with your spouse through postpartum and plan things like meals, sex, night shifts with the baby, etc. 
  • 1 Peter 3:7 says “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
  • It is so important that men are walking in understanding with their wives and supporting them in ways they need support and giving space when they need space. This can only happen when you’re in the word so make sure you’re in the word and walking strong with God!
  • Men are like the coach, when a woman is going through postpartum she needs her husband to remind them of the truth. You as the man need to remind your wife of who she is and what she is capable of and that she just brought a child into the world which is one of the greatest things ever! 
  • Even if you had an amazing birth experience when you are going through postpartum and you can’t go do the things you want to do you’re in a very vulnerable spot and it can be easy to allow the devil to whisper lies to you. 
  • So husbands if you are not praying for your wives, if you’re not praying for her while you are at work if your not reading scripture to her and discussing them with her and bathing her in the word of God then you are potentially allowing the whispers and lies from the enemy to compromise your wife and her spiritual walk with God. it’s these things that couples fail to do that could spiral a woman into postpartum depression. 
  • If you don’t have the right support from your husband then you at least need to have a postpartum plan written out where you will have support from other people. You cant go through postpartum on your own. It was not God’s purpose for you to go through postpartum on your own. 
  • There is pressure in today’s culture to be independent but independence in postpartum is one of the main reasons that women fall into depression and not only is this destructive to the woman but it is also hurting the new child. Newborns need to be able to bond with their mothers. That is how God intended it and that is the healthiest option. It is very difficult to bond with your child when you are going through depression. 
  • It is important to remember that you as a father need to bond with your newborn and young children as well! A common lie that people believe is that your kids won’t remember you when they are young and they won’t be affected by what you do when they are young. This is not true! Your children may have a hard time remembering things from their younger years but they are one hundred percent affected by what you do when they are young. The connections you make, the love that you share and the habits and disciplines you influence or lack thereof in your young children form them while they are young. 

POSTPARTUM COURSE!

2. Biblical Community

  • If you are not in a biblical community that is encouraging you then postpartum will be challenging. 
  • Do people in your community truly believe that children are a blessing or do they secretly believe that they are a burden? Their attitude, behavior and how they treat children and pregnant women will give you your answer.
  • What is the purpose of biblical friendship? If you have not been real, honest, transparent and shared with sisters and brothers your fears, struggles, and past issues with postpartum then you are probably not engaging in biblical community or the option to be in biblical community simply doesn’t exist. 
  • Biblical community is amazing for spiritual and emotional support but more than that it is amazing for practical support such as bringing meals, helping with home management, etc. don’t rob people of the blessing of being able to serve and be the hands and feet of Jesus! If you don’t open up and you isolate yourself then you’re robbing people of the blessing of service. 

3. Planning for Postpartum

  • Some things to plan for in anticipation of postpartum are meals. Whether you have someone who is going to cook or you have twenty to thirty meals in your freezer you need to be ready and not feel pressure to cook during postpartum.
  • Plan to heal naturally. We cover this in-depth in our postpartum course!
  • It is important to do the research or go through our postpartum course and find out what you need to have in your home so that you can be ready and not need to rely on someone who isn’t knowledgeable to go shopping for you. 
  • Plan out how long you are going to rest and stay home. You need to create your plan and then share it with family members and close friends so that they understand your boundaries and how to help and support you through postpartum. 
  • (Angie shares her past postpartum struggles. Tune in to hear the story)
  • No matter how much experience you have, no matter how much knowledge you have, you are going to need support. 

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4. A New Vision for Postpartum

  • Women have an incredible ability and honor to partner with God in bringing forth life!
  • God designed women’s bodies so amazingly to do this, but they still struggle with believing the lies that they won’t be able to do postpartum well and that’s just not the truth!
  • When we have our focus on the Lord and we are choosing to engage versus avoid postpartum can be a very different experience. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be any pain, it doesn’t mean that we won’t have any trials. It means that our perspective is different in the midst of it.
  • 1 Timothy 2:15 says “Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.”
  • The if statement in this scripture is so key, It is beautiful. If we view postpartum as God refining us so that we are prepared to be better parents, that changes everything because we don’t run away from growth.

 

We encourage you and your spouse to listen to this episode and then talk about it. Go on a date night and discuss these things. 

Thank you so much for joining our discussion today, we hope that this was fruitful for you!

see you next time!

Scripture In This Episode:

1 Peter 3:7 – “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Timothy 2:15 – “Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.”

  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

    Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

    • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
    • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

    FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

    Relevant Resource Links:

    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Will Your Kids Discover You Are a Hypocrite?

We keep hearing amazing stories about parents and families being deeply impacted by the ministry.

We are super excited about the one million legacy movement and we thank you for being a part of it!

Our heart’s desire is that the courageous parenting ministry impacts one million legacies!

Any time you share the content on social media, we see it and will give you a shout out!

Today the topic of discussion is

Will Your Kids Discover You Are a Hypocrite?

  1. They Need a Good Experience With Authority

  2. Live What You Teach

  3. Share Your Struggles

  4. No records of Being a Hypocrite

 

A while ago we did a podcast on not raising modern-day Pharisees and this one will be a more introspective podcast on the topic of hypocrisy in the role of the parent.

Our kids will oftentimes become like us as they grow up. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

Two messages go with that saying. When you are not intentional and introspective about how you were raised as a child you may end up mimicking the way you were raised with your children. 

When your kids sin and sometimes you feel angry and wronged by your children, oftentimes its because you are looking right into a mirror and you may not realize it but your kid’s actions are a reflection of you and your leadership. 

We do not want to raise modern-day Pharisees and we do not want to raise hypocrites, therefore, we should not be those things. 

We want our kids to understand that authority is good, especially in a culture where children and even adults are resisting authority left and right and a lot of people are beginning to believe that authority is bad. 

The reason is that there are so many horrible examples of authority in our culture and they are being amplified through the power of the internet. 

A lot of people don’t realize that this starts when their kids are really young and if they don’t keep their word and their word is not as good as gold and they make a promise to their child but don’t follow through then they break trust with the child and then when you are for example leading a parenting group or giving parenting advice your kids will be listening and be like “well you just failed me” and from there you become a hypocrite in their mind. 

We as parents need to be conscious about how the devil is going to spin things in our kids minds and whisper lies to them and we need to be careful. 

John 3:30 is how to prevent ourselves from being hypocrites, it says “He must increase, but I must decrease”

The more that we are walking in the spirit, the more that we are abiding in Christ and the more that God is in our lives the less we will be tempted to walk in the flesh which is what is happening when we are being hypocrites.

people are starving for what is real, there is a reason that reality tv is so successful. People want what is real.

1. They Need a Good Experience With Authority

  • Children need to experience good authority while they are being raised and guess who the example of good authority needs to be. YOU. 
  • This is more important than ever! If they can’t obey their own parents and they don’t have a good experience of your authority over them then how are they going to obey God later and submit to his authority when they are on their own and more in dependant?
  • Matthew 5:37 it says “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
  • So if you make a promise to your kids then you had better follow through! Otherwise, it is from the evil one. 
  • No parent is perfect. We are not perfect. If you have made a promise to your kids and you don’t follow through then we encourage you to confess that to them and tell them how you are not perfect. If you just set it aside and brush over the fact that you broke a promise a bitter root could grow in your child’s heart. 
  • Here is a tip! Don’t make promises! We don’t make promises to our kids and if we do it is very rare. The only promise we make to our kids is that we will love them no matter what. Now, of course, we get asked for things daily, we have eight kids! But what we do is we say “I hear your request, thank you for asking, we will see.” and we explain to them why it may not work out and that there are no promises. 
  • Now let’s talk about love for a bit because our culture tends to get this wrong. God is love and love is relational, love is warmth, love is caring, love is wanting what is best for people, but you know what is best for people sometimes? Boundaries, justice, truth, accountability, and sometimes discipline. 
  • You are the God-given authority in your child’s life and you have been given a task, many tasks, and many responsibilities. One of those tasks is to love your children and it is an honor. Part of loving your kids is listening, you can’t know your kids if you don’t listen. 
  • We need to ask our kids questions and be able to listen to their answers. If you are in a relationship with someone and all you do is talk about yourself and you have a hard time listening then that means you are self-focused and probably don’t love them. 
  • If you are self-focused then you are leaving a self-focused legacy. Your kids will mimic you. 
  • If you want to leave a legacy where your kids are going to have strong relationships, a legacy where your kids are going to be secure in their identity in Christ and they know that their parents love them it starts with this, asking questions and being able to listen. 
  • If your kids don’t experience all aspects of love from you then how are they going to be able to handle all aspects of Gods love? There is now a lot of false doctrines out there that only take parts of Gods love and they don’t look at all the attributes of God and his authority in their lives.
  • Everything that we are doing as parents is going to be potentially mimicked when our kids are parents also, and if they don’t feel loved by you then they are more likely to become critical of you as a hypocrite. 
  • Do you feel like your parents know you? A lot of kids today will say “my parents don’t know me” and the process of knowing your kids starts when they are a baby. 
  • If you don’t know them they will call you a hypocrite even if it’s not true. 

2. Live What You Teach

  • If you are preaching something other than what you are living, watch out because your kids can sniff out hypocrisy. 
  • It’s hard to influence where you haven’t been. If you want to influence your kids in an area that you are not living out, it’ll be hard to talk about, and it’ll be hard to hold your kids accountable when you are struggling with the same thing.
  • Not only is this true in family government, but it is also true in church government. We see church leaders struggling to hold the flocks accountable because they are struggling with the very same thing, and this leads to corruption, it is corrupt leadership.
  • Our kids must see us live in victory over sin. And we must be humble and able to share with our kids the things that we have struggled with, and how we have overcome them and that they can have victory as well. 
  • If you want your kids to be different than most kids then you need to parent them different than most parents.  
  • If you want your kids to have integrity when no one else is looking then you better have integrity when no one else is looking. 
  • James 1:22 says “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

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3. Share Your Struggles

  • Part of being humble is sharing your struggles.
  • The more humble you are the less likely you will be labeled as a hypocrite. 
  • We encourage you to study scripture on humbleness. Psalms and Proverbs are loaded with scripture on humility. We have learned over the years that the only way to stay truly humble is to constantly keep our eyes on Jesus and we are aware of how we fall short compared to Jesus and the life he lived and that is what brings us to a humble position.
  • 1 Peter 5:6-7 says “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”
  • Being a biblical parent is hard, but oftentimes the harder path yields better fruit and that is definitely what we have experienced over the years. 
  • You may be wondering how we know all this stuff well let us remind you, we have been married twenty years and have eight kids! We don’t say this to toot our horn but because this is proof that we have made the mistakes and have experienced the hard times!
  • You need to be humble to your children. You need to be able to apologize to your children!
  • Even if its two-year-old little Johnny, you need to be able to admit when you make mistakes. That is how you build trust and respect with your kids. 
  • If you think that you need to know it all then you are probably raising know it alls. 
  • If you feel like you always need to have an answer then some of your answers are going to be wrong and if you are giving false doctrine on important topics then you are going to be held accountable. 
  • It is important to know that we don’t have to know everything, and that is a blessing. 
  • Matthew 7:21-23 says “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
  • Your kids just want an authentic relationship with you. 
  • There are eternal ramifications for raising hypocrites and for being a hypocrite. 

4. No Records of Being a Hypocrite

  • We live in a digital world and you are leaving footprints and leaving records of everything you do online more than you think. 
  • If you are sharing scripture or teaching as biblical truth then it better be accurate, we do not want to be false teachers. 
  • Even if you are teaching biblical truth you are falsifying it if you are not living according to what you are teaching. 
  • 2 Timothy 4:3-4 says “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.”
  • This scripture is a perfect representation of the world we are living in right now and if you don’t want your kids to have itching ears and turn towards fables and false doctrine and books that share half-truths about God that lead to destruction then they need to trust your authority and they need to be yielded to God’s authority.
  • The best way for children to learn these principles is to watch you! And if you are not walking in these truths then how can you expect them to do the same. 

Thank you for joining us today, we hope that this was fruitful for you.

See you next time!

 

Scripture In This Episode:

John 3:30 – “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

Matthew 5:37 –But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

James 1:22 –But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

1 Peter 5:6-7 –Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

2 Timothy 4:3-4 –For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.”

Matthew 7:21-23 – “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!”

  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

    Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

    • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
    • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

    FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

    Relevant Resource Links:

    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Tips to a Thriving Marriage & Stories on our 20th Anniversary

Today we want to encourage you guys and your marriages with some of the things we have learned along the way from our mentors, and how we have made mistakes, and the highlights in our marriage over the past twenty years!

Tips to a Thriving Marriage & Stories on our 20th Anniversary

  1. Have Mentors
  2. Educational Choices
  3. Travel Together
  4. Do Projects Together

We just had our 20th anniversary and we had an amazing two days together by ourselves and while we were gone we talked about how intertwined marriage and parenting is.

Your parenting is one hundred percent affected by how much you are in alignment with your spouse!

The best gift you can give your kids is a strong, thriving, God-centered marriage!

We remember when we were first getting married that people were telling us that the first year was going to be terrible! We were determined not to let that happen we were motivated more than ever to have an amazing first year because of what we were being told!

We want to encourage you that if you are going to a wedding, don’t impose your bad experience on somebody else thinking that everybody has a bad first year! Because we did not have a bad first year! 

We are not saying that we didn’t have hard things happen. We got pregnant four months into our marriage which was a blessing but made Angie super sick. Finances were crazy tight, we had a fold-up table as our dining room table. We were investing in our business and decided to hold back and not spend when it wasn’t needed in order to save as much as possible. 

Our original plan when we first got married was to wait two years to get pregnant and we weren’t going to have a big family.

(Isaac share his regrets about work and priorities, listen to episode #41 to hear the story)

When we were first married we were eager and looking for marriage mentors who could disciple us biblically and we were very blessed to find those.

1. Have Mentors

  • Have mentors. Someone who has gone down the road you want to go down and has experience. Someone who can teach you and disciple you. Pastors are great for this but only if they are willing to give you the time. We are not talking about someone that you just go and get coffee with every once in a while, this should be someone you look up to, who will hold you accountable, lead you, and care for you. 
  • When you ask someone to be your mentor you first need to take a look at the fruit in their life. 
  • If you can say “I want my marriage to look like their marriage” or “I want my kids to be like their kids” then they are the kind of person that you should want to be discipled by. If you can’t say that, they are probably not the right person. 
  • (Isaac shares about his past with business mentors and what to avoid, listen to episode #41 for full story)
  • You are probably wondering how to find these people. Well, that is your responsibility. You need to first ask God for them and then put yourself where the eagles fly! You need to surround yourself with biblical people who have evidence of good fruit and have a purpose in their lives. 
  • If you are looking for a mentor it is your responsibility to reach out. It’s not the mentor’s responsibility. However, it does say in Titus 2:1-5 that the older women should teach the younger women and the older men should teach the younger men. If you don’t know this scripture then you need to go read Titus chapter 2.
  • Men, on the topic of working hard and hustling in the beginning, just remember that even though kids won’t remember very much when they are young they are still being internally formed by their surroundings and your influence or rather your lack of influence. 

2. Educational Choices

  • (We share how our experiences with public school and why we decided to homeschool, listen to episode #41 for the full story)
  • As far as education goes with our children, we decided to homeschool and the decision to homeschool has been an incredible and tough road. 
  • (Angie shares worries she had with homeschooling and how at the end of the day homeschooling was the right choice) 
  • There are a lot of reasons why you would feel incapable;e of homeschooling, we have struggled with them too! Every year with homeschooling is a new year that you get to do something new which can be daunting! It requires vision, you have to choose a curriculum there are all kinds of things! 
  • We tried to do a public school! It did not go well. We were not seeing good fruit coming from it. 
  • (listen to episode 35 on reasons why we homeschool)
  • We had a vision for our family. We wanted them to be believers (of course we can’t ever guarantee that but making good choices will affect your children) we wanted them to have great marriages, we wanted them to have families and be devoted to them, we wanted to enjoy our children and we wanted them to enjoy each other. And homeschooling has allowed us to manage our kids well and disciple them in the way they should go. 
  • Husbands, you need to encourage and believe in your wife if you want homeschooling to work! 
  • (Isaac shares his worries with homeschooling and how he was against it at first, listen to episode #41 for full story)
  • Homeschooling has played a huge part in our lives over the past twenty years. It truly is a lifestyle, when you decide to homeschool it drastically alters your lifestyle! And in a good way, it frees you up for so many things and provides incredible flexibility. 

3. Travel Together

  • When we had five kids under eight years old we discovered that it is incredibly hard to travel!
  • When Kelsey was a baby we would fly when we traveled and it was no big deal but once we had four kids it was so hard! We would pack our car leaving barely any space to fit and then drive to our destination and rent a house or hotel. 
  • If you have ever traveled with young kids you know the struggle. The stops would double the travel time! Bathroom breaks, food breaks, nursing, sleeping, etc. it’s insane! 
  • So while traveling was doable it was rough. And then when our family kept growing we came across other problems such as occupancy laws or fire codes which prevented you from renting a house or forced you to get two hotel rooms! 
  • Our family kept growing and at the time God had been blessing us with financial abundance. 
  • All things to consider, we decided to but a thirty-nine foot RV.
  • The RV has solved all of the problems. Kids sleep, eat, play and go to the bathroom while we drive! We don’t have to rent a hotel or house, we don’t have to worry about being denied because of the size of our family and we are all together. 
  • And praise God that we managed to keep the RV all these years even through our financial struggles! It became a way to support our family when our business failed! We rented it out and it brought in a decent amount of money that supported us. 
  • (we share scary and exciting stories about traveling with the RV, listen to episode #41)
  • We encourage you to go to places and travel!
  • For the first 14 years we were married we were able to travel together to some incredible places, and the memories we have from traveling together are just so valuable to us!
  • Now, of course, you need to be mindful of your budget but even then we encourage you to get a loan if you have to and experience things together as a couple!

4. Do Projects Together

  • A lot of people will say stuff like, the worst thing you can do is remodel a house together but we did it and it helped our marriage and it was fun! 
  • When we do things together we understand that we will have to grow because doing things together reveals things that need to change and possible relationship issues. But that is the point. If you have the right mindset and are ready to grow when you need to grow then it’s amazing. A lot of people probably don’t enjoy the things we do because they don’t want to grow and don’t want to deal with things. 
  • If you approach something together with the wrong perspective and you aren’t prepared to put God and His will above your own then it could be detrimental to your marriage, but in our case, it has always helped our marriage. 
  • Traveling in our early years of marriage and the things we saw and experienced inspired us to plant a vineyard. 
  • A great tip for you guys is to be humble. Pride will kill your marriage. We understand, yes it’s hard in the moment to admit when you are wrong but it just doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. And once you can admit things it just feels so good. 
  • It’s important to remember who the enemy is. The enemy is not your spouse! The enemy wants you and your spouse to conflict and when you turn on one another you are completing the devil’s work!
  • So the project we did was remodel a forty-two hundred square foot house with a vineyard next to it, it was gorgeous and super fun!
  • The vineyard was a ton of work! Our main goal in planting a vineyard was to have a family project. We wanted to do something with the family that would teach our kids work ethic. We had to water, prune and harvest. 
  • Maybe you should think of things you can do as a family. It does not need to be as big of a thing as our vineyard was but kids don’t just learn work ethic overnight it takes time and consistency. 
  • Your marriage is more precious than anything! The most valuable tip we can give is to not let anything come in between you and your marriage. Not money, business, job offer, nothing. It needs to be your second highest priority. God, marriage, kids. 

Final Thoughts:

You need to be protective of your marriage. If anyone is trying to come in between your marriage, if they ever talk bad about your spouse you can’t spend time with them anymore, it is not a healthy relationship. If work is coming in between your marriage then you need to evaluate whether it is the right place for you to be.

In a marriage, God has given you different gifts for your marriage and the body of Christ, and no one knows you better than your spouse, it is so important to call out the gifts in your spouse. We would not be who we are today if it weren’t for each other. We all have blind spots and we all need to be encouraged in who we are in Christ. 

It’s in the tough times when we became stronger and closer as a family because we were placing God at the center of it all and we were not taking credit for the good times. 

Nourish your marriage. It can be incredible it can have such a huge impact on the world and it is the catalyst for impacting your kids and their greatest example. 

We hope this has encouraged you and if it has please leave us a comment and share the podcast!

See you next time!

 

Scripture In This Episode: 

Titus 2:1-5 –But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine:  that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

    Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

    • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
    • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

    FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

    Relevant Resource Links:

    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Do Christians Who Commit Suicide Go To Heaven?

Today we are discussing the most sensitive and difficult topic we have ever talked about and quite possibly the most burdensome topic we will ever discuss on this podcast!

This has been a burden on our hearts for years and one which we have talked to our children about multiple times, the topic is suicide.

Do Christians Who Commit Suicide Go To Heaven?

  1. The Implications of The Message

  2. Spiritual Warfare

  3. Biblical Truth

  4. Speaking On Whether Someone Who Commits Suicide Is Going To Heaven or Hell. 

 

We have gotten so many questions about this because there have been multiple situations in the news lately about leaders in churches and proclaiming Christians who have committed suicide. 

This is an epidemic! We looked up the stats on this topic and they are truly tragic.

800,000 suicides are committed every year! That means that every forty seconds someone commits suicide. 

For every suicide that is carried out, there are 25 other failed attempts.

That means that worldwide there are 20 million suicide attempts every year.

First and foremost, our hearts our hurting for those who have lost someone through suicide, its tragic and probably touches everyone who is listening one way or another, because statistically you probably know someone who has carried out this heartbreaking act. 

We also want to say that this is something we talk about in our parenting mentor program, and this is the main reason we have felt convicted to discuss this topic because this is the courageous parenting podcast and we feel called to rise up and talk about the topics that are most relevant and difficult to talk about. 

This is a topic that parents need to talk to their kids about because suicide is the second leading cause of death for young kids and adults between ten and thirty-four years old. 

We are going to dig into why this is such an epidemic and some reasons why it’s happening. 

This is going to be a two-part series because, in the second episode of the series we have to teach about how to discuss suicide with your kids, we have had this discussion with our kids multiple times. 

We are going to discuss 14 different scriptures from the bible regarding suicide in this podcast. These are important scriptures, and because of the sensitivity of this topic, we are going to try and move slowly to rightly divide the word of God and bring to light the truth regarding suicide.

We believe that there is not enough biblical conversation surrounding this topic, and the reason is that you are going to offend somebody no matter what you believe regarding this topic. 

Our goal in this episode and all of our thirty-nine previous episodes is to look at the bible for what it is and to bring forth the biblical truth that it contains, at the same time having an eye for equipping confident Christian kids for an uncertain world.

The messages coming out right now publically from leaders about suicide are incredibly dangerous to kids.

Today at this exact moment we have church leaders leading the flocks astray by preaching false messages about suicide and filling children with false truth which is and will continue to cause serious problems regarding their eternity.

Psalm 103:8 says “The Lord is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.” God is a merciful God! 

Our stance overall is that we do not have the answers for everything!

You may be listening to this podcast and hoping for a very straightforward answer and we are going to be very careful in that. 

Also, Psalms 34:17-20 says “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.” 

1. The Implications of The Message

  • The first section of this that we want to talk about is the implications of the message that someone who committed suicide is now in heaven. Authoritatively giving that message is extremely dangerous!
  • So we are going to talk about this using God’s truth and logical sense. 
  • So let’s jump in!
  • We just want to reiterate that our heart is what God calls all our hearts to be as Christians. In Luke 6:36 it says “Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.” that is our call as Christians.
  • So when people are struggling because they lost someone through suicide we are to be merciful in that. But being merciful does not mean we should compromise biblical truth. 
  • life gets hard at times for everyone.
  • When life gets hard, if we can control our exit from this world and know that we are going to heaven, that is problematic!
  • Heaven is amazing! If you read the scriptures about how amazing heaven is, it is way better than living on earth. And if people understood how awesome heaven is and as Christians we should, then who wouldn’t commit suicide if they know they can be in heaven especially if they are in a painful situation?
  • If that message is preached to children then how are they going to receive it? If it’s easy to just give up when you are getting bullied or life is really hard. Think back to when you were a child, everything when you are that age, every little thing seems way bigger than it is! It seems like your life is ending, you feel like you can’t show your face at school there are a million things that wreck the emotions of a child that age!
  • And that was before! There are so many worse things going on in this day in age! Kids now have access to social media, the internet, etc. there are so many horrendous things happening that make kids rather not continue! And that is completely from the enemy. When there is a kid in this deep dark place and they believe that there is a heaven that they can escape to they are in a very challenging place.
  • Of course, we want to teach our children that Heaven is a place that we should desire to be in, and teach them about what the bible says about heaven and its rich reward!
  • When a pastor, for example, kills himself and it is made public that he went to Heaven when people read that they go “wow, pastors know the bible inside and out. Pastors are closest to God if he can’t finish the race then how can I?”
  • When that happens to someone you looked up to often it’s hard to imagine that you can do what they couldn’t. And so what happens is you too, give up.
  • Psalm 139:16 says “Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me When as yet there were none of them.”
  • So, God has planned out every day of our lives! He has numbered our days. So we do not get to number our days! God has already numbered our days!
  • This is such a great scripture verse to memorize with your kids, they need to understand that God knows them, that they are loved, and that God has a purpose for their life!
  • There is real depression, and there is real mental illness and we have known people with real problems! 
  • At some point almost everyone has had a suicidal thought or at least a thought of feeling like you have no purpose and that there is no point to anything. 
  • A common belief is that depression is something thrown on you and you can’t escape it. That God is not powerful enough to break you free from it. Depression is commonly viewed as a symptom of many issues that need to be dealt with, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual; or a combination of the three. And if you are someone who struggles with depression we urge you to go and find help, you need to get help. 
  • With Christians, commonly, there is a shame that comes with admitting you have depression or struggling with things or sin in your life. And for the Christian Gods word has a lot of help. God can heal us but sometimes He allows us to walk through these hard depressed times for a purpose. It refines us. When we are weak he is strong and sometimes we need to struggle in order to learn. 
  • When a Christian is depressed or struggling with something and they take their life, it sends a message to the world that God couldn’t heal them. And that is a false message. 
  • We need to be careful because there are little ears and little eyes that are watching and what messages are they taking in as they are processing?
  • So let’s say, for example, a father commits suicide, and it is being said that he is now in heaven. What is going to happen to the kids when they hit hard times? They looked up to their father, they miss their father, they want to see him. And then they think, oh I can just quit and go see my dad. This happens! 
  • There have been multiple situations where someone dies or kills themself and then loved ones or family members do the same to be with them.
  • This is all because it is being said that they are now in heaven! We have an enemy, the devil, and he is out to kill and destroy! There is an attack on Christians because we are a threat to his work. So we need to be aware that he is going to try and deceive us and tell us lies!
  • Satan wants us all dead, his ultimate goal is to bring as many people as he can into hell and when we are promoting a message that is helping his agenda, that is not okay!
  • A Christian’s life is not meant to be easy paul says the opposite over and over that there are going to be challenges and sometimes those challenges we are experiencing are to sanctify us!
  • We have experienced some major challenges in the past and frankly, people have ended their lives over the kind of things we experienced.
  • 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.” 
  • If you are struggling to find purpose in struggles then we strongly encourage you to read through 2 Corinthians 1 it is all about the reasons behind trials and tribulations. 
  • Angie shares story about losing a baby and almost dying, she explains how there is a need for awareness and sympathy and compassion for people who are going through loss (tune in to this weeks episode to hear the full story!)
  • Growth happens in the valley, not on the mountain top. 

2. Spiritual Warfare

  • So let’s go into this next section here, there is a real battle! 
  • Spiritual warfare is happening, the devil doesn’t want people to be alive, he doesn’t want people to succeed at spreading the gospel.
  • Ephesians 6:11-18 says “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints”
  • This scripture clearly tells us to protect ourselves, to use the word of God to be praying and communicating with God daily so that our minds our not deceived and so that we can live in joy and community with God!
  • 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”
  • We have to hold our thoughts captive, we have to have a disciplined mind if we let our mind wander to wherever it wants it will gravitate towards the weirdest things! 
  • If we view ourselves to the level that God views us through what Jesus did on the cross we would think well of ourselves, not lacking humility, but we would have confidence that we are saints! The bible says we are saints. 
  • We need to teach our kids to wield the armor of God! So many kids leave the home not knowing that there is a spiritual battle taking place!
  • Why would the enemy want you to kill yourself if you were going to heaven?

3. The Biblical Truth

  • Your body is not yours. 
  • 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.”
  • Our body is not ours, It is Gods, and we must understand that!
  • We do not have the right to end our lives or hurt our bodies!
  • 1 John 3:15 says “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”
  • Exodus 20:13 says “You shall not murder.”
  • So, the notion that you can kill yourself and get to heaven is a very dangerous one. Murder is killing a human being, suicide is murder, it is the premeditated killing of yourself!
  • When the bible says thou shall not kill it does not say if it is in the first second or third person it just says not to kill!
  • There is a popular belief that it doesn’t matter what you do on earth, you will still go to heaven. You can live like hell on earth and you will still go to heaven. This is a false belief! If you read the scriptures it is very clear that the only way to heaven is through Jesus and when we sin we are separating ourselves from Jesus!
  • John 10:28-29 says “And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.”
  • Most people misinterpret this scripture because it says “neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand” but what it doesn’t say is that you cant walk away by your own free will. 
  • The main point we are trying to make here is that no one, no leader, no pastor no person should ever say with certainty that someone who Commits suicide is in heaven, neither should anyone say that they are in hell! We are humans, we are finite we cannot know the answers to every eternal question. It is extremely dangerous to make a declaration that someone is in heaven or hell because we just can’t know and if we talk in such a manner we could be leading someone down a very dark path. 
  • 800,000 suicides are committed every year! That means that every forty seconds someone commits suicide. 
  • For every suicide that is carried out, there are 25 other failed attempts.
  • That means that worldwide there are 20 million suicide attempts every year.
  • Suicide is not something to be taken lightly!
  • Matthew 10:21-22 says “Now brother will deliver up brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death. And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved.”
  • He who endures to the end will be saved. We are called to run the race! If you kill yourself you are not running the race you are going against Gods plans for your life and quitting before it’s over. 

4. Speaking On Whether Someone Who Commits Suicide Is Going To Heaven or Hell. 

  • All we can know for certain is what the bible says. And if someone is standing on the pulpit and preaching their opinion like it is true then you need to be careful. 
  • We do not know for sure whether you will go to heaven if you kill yourself. All we know is the scriptures that we have shared with you and the other ones we have read. And it for sure leans towards the case that if you kill yourself you won’t necessarily go to heaven. But we do not know for sure! And God is a merciful God! And God may deal with certain situations differently. 
  • We are not here saying that we know the answer, because we do not. We are not condemning anyone. All we know is that God is a loving, just, merciful God, and we do know the danger in saying that people who kill themselves will go to heaven. 
  • And our biggest concern is for the next generation and what they are being tough about life and heaven and hell. 
  • 2 timothy 4:7 says “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
  • And this is our message to you. If you have lost someone, if you are going through hard times remember this verse, fight the fight, finish your race and keep the faith!
  • James 3:1-2 says “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.”
  • Mark 9:42 says “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”
  • Matthew 18:6 says “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”
  • If you are out there and you are preaching something indefinitely, then you had better know that it is biblical truth and that there is no opinion or bias added to it. 
  • It is okay for you as a parent, leader or pastor to say that you don’t know. It shows humility and the truth is that you don’t know the answer to certain things! 
  • Love is not always touchy-feely. Love is telling the truth in a way that people can receive it. Love is exhortation. 
  • You may disagree with us at points and that is okay, our heart is to share biblical truth so if you disagree, we encourage you to study the scriptures we have listed and find even more so that you can come to a sound biblical stance on the issue of suicide. And then once you have found your stance, talk to your kids about it! You may think that your kids will be fine and it won’t happen to them, but don’t be prideful. Talk to your kids, hear their hearts, and teach them to walk biblically. 

Scriptures In This Episode: 

Psalm 103:8 –The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.”

Psalms 34:17-20 –The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.”

luke 6:36 – “Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.”

Psalm 139:16 –Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-5  –Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.”

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 –Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.”

1 John 3:15 – “Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

Exodus 20:13 – “You shall not murder.”

Matthew 10:21-22  –“Now brother will deliver up brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death.And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved.

John 10:28-29 – “And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.”

2 timothy 4:7 – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

James 3:1-2 – “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.”

Mark 9:42 – “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”

Matthew 18:6 – “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Resources

  • National Suicide Prevention Line: 1 (800) 273-8255
  • Suicide Facts & Statistics, Click here to see the stats for yourself!
  • All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

    Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

    • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
    • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
    • Powerful Biblically minded community.
    • Topic-based discussion groups.
    • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
    • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

    We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

    FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

    Relevant Resource Links:

    If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

    • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

    Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?

So today we are talking about a very relevant topic. One that will probably offend both sides at one point or another, but just remember that our heart is to be biblical and share what we have learned over the years.

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?

  1. Our Early Years

  2. The Reality

  3. Realizations

This is a very difficult topic to discuss and makes us tremble a little bit because we truly desire for you guys to hear our heart on this topic.

We are going to take you guys on our journey with this topic and share our convictions, scripture and the things that God has taught us over the years regarding Halloween and whether or not we should celebrate it.

Back when we were kids 30 years ago we never saw anyone rebel against celebrating Halloween.

Our rebellion started about seventeen years ago when Kelsey was very young.

We want to thank you guys so much for all of the support!

Our mission is to impact one million families! If you want to be a part of that movement there are lots of ways! You can share this episode, leave a comment, like it, rate it, or even donate at CourageosParenting.com if you feel lead to!

Let’s dive into today’s topic!

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?

1. Our Early Years

  • First of all, we are not to parent in fear! This is not fear-based parenting content at all! We do not subscribe to that. This is courageous parenting which means to be wise about the world so that we can equip our children to influence the world and bring glory to God! 
  • Matthew 10:16 says to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. This means we should not be naive! We need to be aware of what is going on in the world!
  • When we first got married we thought that we would celebrate Halloween just like we did when we were kids. 
  • We tried doing the trick or treating and the harvest parties and every church we know of puts on some sort of harvest party or Halloween event. They use it as an outreach opportunity and try to make it a safe alternative to the other Halloween events out there. The problem with that is that they are passing on a message that is not necessarily biblical or God-glorifying.
  •  We have shared more on our story with this topic but the short version of it is that as our kids got older we tried some different things. One year we hosted a reformation party at our house, another year we hosted a prayer and worship get together, one year we put candy and with bible verses out for kids on our front porch.

2. The Reality

  • The united states spend an average of nine billion dollars on Halloween every year! Just take a second and think about that, it’s insane! The worst part is that all of that money is going to support Halloween and everything that it stands for.
  • We do not want to be the parents that ruin the fun in everything. At the same time, we want to be parents that are biblical and not hypocrites. So we are raising our kids to know biblical truth and we do not make exceptions.
  • Halloween is a holiday for the pagans and it is satanic. There is a church of satan, and on Halloween, that church makes sacrifices to the devil. All sorts of horrible things happen everywhere on Halloween!
  • Children are abducted and it really is a portal that is opened into demonic activity and you either believe in spiritual warfare or you don’t, and if you are a Christian that doesn’t believe or doesn’t really understand spiritual warfare then odds are you are going to think that Halloween is fine and that trick or treating is okay and it’s okay for the kids to dress up as whatever they want and all these things. 
  • But that is just the surface level but the reality is that there is spiritual havoc taking place on Halloween and purposes being driven to attract our kids to the darkness. 
  • Angie shares a story about an interview with a lady who was a part of a satanic church and all of the horrible things that take place on Halloween day. Tune in to this weeks episode to hear the story.
  • If you think Halloween is okay because it is fun and makes your kids happy then you need to understand that that is the whole point. Of course, it is going to be “fun” it is satans way of getting a foothold on kids while they are young. It’s training them at a young age when they are most impressionable to be okay with the evil and darkness of the world!
  • If our kids learn to have a tolerance of evil then what do you think will happen later on when they have access to the internet or social media? 
  • When we allow a little evil in our lives it grows and keeps growing.
  • You are either becoming more shunning of evil or are becoming more approving of it, there is no in-between. 
  • We always teach our kids that God created the days and satan has no power to create a day or have power over a day. The truth is that every day God has made and created to bring glory to him, and I cannot imagine someone in their right mind to say that celebrating Halloween brings glory to God. Halloween is celebrated by the satanic church and meant to bring spiritual havoc into the world. 
  • We share a story about how we were pressured into going trick or treating and after the event, all of our kids unanimously said that they never wanted to do it again! Tu me into this week’s podcast to hear the story!
  • 1 Peter 5:8 says “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”
  • The bible talks about the devil and spiritual warfare are happening in the world. 
  • It is important to remember that October 31st is not just Halloween, it is Gods day, it is also the day of the reformation the day that Martin Luther nailed the ninety-five theses.
  • So if you want to celebrate something on October 31st it ode snot have to be Halloween. Have a reformation party, or a worship and prayer party! Of course, these are only ideas and something we have done in the past but do not religiously do every year.

3. Realizations

  • Regarding spiritual warfare, are you praying on October 31st? As Christians, if we know that on a certain day people will be celebrating the devil and horrible things are going to happen it would probably be a good idea to be praying. Like we know that the devil is always working and scheming but it is kind of obvious from a logical perspective that the devil would be working overtime on October 31st.  
  • And we are not praying in fear. We are praying in the power of God that his protection would be over other people!
  • We must communicate to our kids why we don’t do Halloween like your kids are going to have to make the same decision about Halloween someday!
  • Now let’s talk about being a light!
  • You can turn all the lights off in your house, you can lock the doors and not put any candy out in front of your house but is that being a light? 
  • We have decided to do it a little differently.
  • Do we do pumpkins? Yes, we do, but we do it in a way that teaches our kids something powerful and projects the light of Christ. We call it the pumpkin gospel. 
  • Our kids get to decide how they carve their pumpkins but it is always something positive. instead of a scary face it can be a cross, a bible verse, or a positive sentence. We place them outside and that is how we participate in pumpkin carving but do it in a way that is glorifying to God! 
  • Genesis 1:11-12 talks about pumpkins and how God says that they are good!
  • Carving pumpkins is not wrong by any means as long as you are not projecting evil or darkness. 
  • Pumpkins are Gods creation. Satan does not have the power to create pumpkins and if you teach your kids that you dong do pumpkins because it represents something evil that the devil created then you are telling your kids that the devil has more power than he does. Our kids need to understand the devil is limited and that God can do absolutely anything!
  • Let’s talk about candy!
  • Yes, we put candy out for the trick or treaters but, we do it differently.
  • The first thing we do is we buy the best candy! The stuff that the kids will love! This is how we show our generosity. And then, we place short bible verses on slips of paper and tape them to the candy bars and pray for everyone who comes to our door! We call these candy scripture and we have placed a link down below for you to read our blog post about how and why we do it!
  • Isaiah 5:20 says “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”
  • Ephesians 6:12 says “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
  • We are equipping our kids for an uncertain world and that means telling them the truth. Sure, you need to act in wisdom and maybe wait to tell your kids certain things until they are older. But we as parents need to make sure that our kids understand that we are living in a fallen world and it is our job to equip them for it. 
  • As far as dressing up goes, it is okay to let your kids dress up! Our young kids dress up all the time, even today Solomon was Captain America. It is important to let our kids use their imagination as long as it is within boundaries. We will never allow any of our children to dress up as an evil character. We don’t do skulls, zombies, blood or any of the sort. But don’t become legalistic to the point where you won’t let your kids dress up as a favorite superhero who is portraying good morals and hero characteristics!
  • Trick or treat means give me a treat or I am going to do a trick on you. This is a threat and what you don’t realize I’m sure of is that when you teach this to your children you are teaching them a very negative thing. 
  • When you go trick or treating you are teaching your kids the opposite of stranger danger. You are going to strangers homes and asking for candy. 

We mustn’t just throw things under the carpet and participate in whatever the rest of the world is participating in. we are to be in the world but not of it. 

You cannot expect different outcomes if you are not doing different things. 

It takes courage to be a courageous parent.

What do you want your kids doing when they are older?

What do you want your grandkids to be doing?

We will be praying for you and we will be praying on October 31st.

Thank you so much for joining us! We will see you next time!

Scriptures In This Episode: 

Matthew 10:16 – “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

1 Peter 5:8 – “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

Genesis 1:11-12 –Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it wasgood.”

Isaiah 5:20 –Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”

Ephesians 6:12 – “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Matthew 7:7 – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

1 Peter 2:11-12 –Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.”

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

Relevant Resource Links:

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

4 Keys To Thriving During Transitions

We thought that this would be a great topic for everyone because summer is over and a lot of people are starting up school again; whether that be homeschool or public school.

We are also going through some big transitions and have gone through a lot over the past 19 years of having kids and learning along the way!

So, we wanted to talk about life transitions from all perspectives.

It could be a trial, job change, the loss of a job, a new baby is born, it could be bringing your kids home for the first time to homeschool, or it could just simply be ending the summer and going into the school year.

Everything we talk about and these four keys are going to be relevant and practical to you guys!

We are going to share our knowledge and bring you into the conversations that we have been having in our marriage and family about our transitions that hopefully will be helpful for you!

Here Are The Four Keys To Thriving During Transitions: 

  1. Identifying The Family Anchors

  2. Planning The New Things

  3. Affective Communication

  4. Abide In Christ

 

Transition calls for a growing capacity! Every time you are up against challenges or changes it is an opportunity for God to grow you. This is what we call capacity training.

We would have never imagined having eight kids or feeling capable of that. We have been through a lot of capacity training in that regard.

Someone recently asked how we keep all of the plates spinning and the truth is that nobody has all of the plates spinning perfectly and at all times!

There are no perfect people and it is important to realize that we need each other in order to spin all of the plates. God put us in the body of Christ for a reason. When we get help from each other its the same as how we work in marriage, as a team. 

When one person is about to drop a plate the other picks it up and that is how a healthy marriage is supposed to operate, and it is also how a family should operate!

If you train your children well then they will help you and do their part.

Proverbs 24:10 says that if you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small.

We have talked to many couples about this concept of growth capacity and how when you walk through something hard its actually preparing you so that you are ready for the next big thing and if you don’t engage or embrace what you are in then you aren’t necessarily going to learn or equip yourself for the next big thing.

It is important to choose growth in the hard times, if we choose growth in the hard times we will receive favor.

Favor isn’t always financial, a lot of the time it is spiritual growth, closeness to God, and capacity growth! 

So let’s jump into it!

#1. Identify The Family Anchors

The family anchors are the things that are needed in the schedule that are consistent and bring steady anchoring to peace, family unity, and spiritual growth.

Here are our family anchors:

1. Family dinner time

  • If we don’t get in at least four family dinners a week we feel more disconnected as a family.
  • This is a huge thing for our family.
  • If we miss family bible time the whole family is affected and the day does not go as well.
  • We may be reading our bibles individually but when we are all together, learning the same thing and on the same page we are such a better team.
  • It also invites God into our home and our day, without bible time life is harder.  

2. Family Bible Time 

  • This is necessary for our family and we cannot encourage you enough to begin this weekly or daily discipline of being in the Word together regularly.
  • If we miss family bible time the whole family is affected and the day does not go as well.
  • We may be reading our Bibles individually but when we are all together, learning the same thing and on the same page we are such a better team.
  • It also invites God into our home and our day, without Bible time life is harder.  

3. Date Nights

  • Date nights are so important for a healthy marriage and family.
  • You could take your kids on dates individually which is an amazing way to bond with your kids and grow in those relationships but what is more important is date nights with your spouse.
  • If you are not on the same page as your spouse or if you are not getting enough time together to talk and plan and create vision and purpose for your marriage and family then nothing else will work! Being in unity with your spouse should be the priority over having date nights with your kids.
  • If you are having a transition then the most important things to be doing are reading your bible, praying to God, and being in unity with your spouse.
  • If you want to have arguments and disunity with your spouse then don’t go on dates and don’t spend time with each other.

4. Church

  • Church is a super important family anchor for your family and being a part of the body of Christ.
  • We shouldn’t have a legalistic heart attitude about church-going, but when you are a MEMBER of a Body, the local Body of Christ, you don’t want to miss because you are invested in one another, love each other and care for one another. Going to Church regularly offers the stability of schedule but also a community and a stable place to be learning about God, serving, and worshipping Him on a regular basis. So make a commitment and be faithful.

5. Health

  • If you are going through trials then making sure you get enough sleep, food, water, and exercise will help you so much!

6. Structure

  • Without structure, it becomes difficult for a family to operate.
  • Listen for examples of structure to add to your daily life.

#2. Planning The New Things

  • The second key to thriving in transitions is scheduling and planning the new things in your life!
  • If you and your spouse are writing down plans separately that is a recipe for disaster.
  • Make sure that you share a schedule and make sure everything is planned and coordinated.
  • This will provide unity and smooth sailing.
  •  Scheduling out your children’s lives is crucial. 
  • Kids do not know what they need. 
  • An example of this is creating bedtimes. A kid may want to stay up late at night without understanding that the next day they will be cranky and tired.
  • Assigning chores is incredibly beneficial. It will teach your children to work ethic and create a team structure in your home.

#3. Affective Communication

  • It is important to communicate well. 
  • In any relationship, marriage, or family, if you do not have good communication then you are setting yourself up for failure. 
  • If u are married and have one child who is two years old then your family meetings will probably look like a date night.
  • If you have older children then you should have family meetings where everything is explained, and scheduling is in order. 
  • Kids thrive on being directly communicated to. They do not thrive when you spontaneously tell them that they are going somewhere spur of the moment.
  • Keeping your kids up to date is a way to show your kids respect and that you care and that is then reciprocated back to you.
  • Colossians 4:2-6 talks about our speech and how we are to communicate. 
  • It is extremely difficult to obey Colossians 4:2-6 when no one is on the same page and no one knows what’s happening or when they are happening.
  • Sometimes parents get frustrated when they have to repeat themselves but you need to know that this is not a kid problem.
  • There is no difference between adults and kids when it comes to repetition. Good leaders will repeat themselves like it is there first time saying it
  • Showing your kids how you lead your heart when you are struggling will teach them to do the same.

#4. Abide In Christ

  • This is the most important key when going through transitions. If you are struggling with the first three keys then you might be in trouble but if you are a Christian and you are not abiding in Christ through transitions or trials or life then you are in major trouble. 
  • Here is why this is important: If you are going through a trial or something hard then you are going down one of two paths. You are either walking in the flesh or walking in the spirit. If you are not abiding in Christ then you are walking in the flesh. And if you are walking in the flesh then you are in sin, and sin leads to death.
  • When we are going through a trial we should not be focused on ourselves, we should be focused on God and what he can do in us through this trial and how he can use us for his glory. 
  •  One of the things we do when we are going through a trial is we will write down all of the good things God is doing in our lives and then share it with our kids and get their feedback. God is constantly working in our lives and if you are having trouble to think of good things he has done for you then maybe you are missing his divine appointments because you are living in your flesh. Or maybe you are taking credit for the good things he has done. 

Scriptures In This Episode: 

Proverbs 24:10 –If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.”

Psalm 122:7 –Peace be within your walls, Prosperity within your palaces.”

Proverbs 16:3 –Commit your works to the Lord, And your thoughts will be established.”

Colossians 4:2-6 – “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving; meanwhile praying also for us, that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

Philippians 4:6-9 –Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Proverbs 17:17 –A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

Relevant Resource Links:

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

12 Signs That You Have A Child-Centered Home

Having a child-centered home may sound like a positive thing to some people but it is, in fact, a very negative thing to be living out.

We should all desire a God-centered home. We need to make sure that our priorities are straight, and our priorities should be God, marriage, and then kids.

You may be surprised by some of these so don’t think that this won’t apply to you because there is a good chance that you will relate to some of these, in fact, we have related to some of these in the past as well!

It can go the other way too! We need to make sure that we are not putting our marriage on a pedestal and being negligent as parents or placing God below our marriage!

Here Are The 12 Signs That You Have A Child-Centered Home:

  1. Kids Resisting Authority

  2. Cooking Different Meals For Different Kids During Mealtime

  3. Paying Your Kids To Do Their Chores

  4. Friendships More Important Than Godliness

  5. Cant Talk Without Kids Interrupting

  6. It Is Really Hard To Say No

  7. Kids Above Marriage

  8. Fear Of Behavior Drives Decisions

  9. Stifling Maturity

  10. A Home Covered In Toys

  11. If  You Can Never Leave

  12. Helicopter Mom

 

It is important to make sure that we fix and work on these things because the more of what we talk about today is true for you and your family the harder your parenting will be.

So what we want is the biblical truth about parenting and for it to be centered on God and the biblical truth.

The risk here is that we are creating an entitlement in our kids. If you have ever come across someone who has an entitlement attitude who believes that they deserve something just because of who they are and not because they deserve it or did anything to earn it, then it is most likely because they grew up in a child-centered home.

So let’s jump into it! 

 

1. Kids Resisting Authority

  • The first sign that you may have a child-centered home or a child-centric home is that your kids are resisting authority.
  • This is a heart attitude where your kids are not obeying or respecting your authority or other people’s authority.
  • Then what happens a lot as a parent is you bend to the resistance of your kids, for example, your kid wants something and you said no, they are disobeying and get it anyways so you give them something else to prevent them from disobeying you. 
  • This is a huge mistake because what is happening is you are avoiding the real problem and making them happy when what should be happening is you teaching them why what they did was wrong and letting them learn from the consequences. 
  • When you do this you are rewarding disobedience! And if you reward their disobedience they will never change!
  • If your kids don’t learn to obey you now then they won’t obey you in the future and they won’t know how to obey God either.
  • Hebrews 13:17 talks about obeying authority and how we as parents are responsible for our kids on a spiritual level as well as a physical level.
  • How are your kids going to be able to accept correction from the church if they have never experienced it in the home?
  • How are your kids going to be able to accept correction from God if they have never experienced it in the home?
  • Listening to this podcast it is only right to assume that you are thinking about how your kids disobey or resist authority but you also need to think about yourself, do you you have a hard time submitting your will to authority in your life? 
  • Have you placed yourself in such an independent place that you are not accountable to anybody? 
  • Do you have somebody willing to correct you when you are in sin? 
  • We are called to be living in transparency with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, this verse in Hebrews says that God disciplines those he loves so that we can grow and be in true fellowship with God and our fellow believers!
  • If we don’t want to be disciplined then we need to submit to the authorities in our lives, and if we don’t have any authority then we should seek them out!
  • Our kids should see us submitting to authority so that they can have an example and so that we are not being hypocrites!
  • Consistently correcting your kids is important if you want them to respect your authority and doing it in love which isn’t always touchy-feely. We go in-depth on this topic in the parenting mentor program!

2. Cooking Different Meals For Different Kids During Mealtime

  • We included this one because we have done it before and because of it one of our kids is an incredibly picky eater! After we realized this we quickly changed and have seen a massive difference in our other children. 
  • Allowing your kids to eat whatever they want during mealtime will create picky children!
  • Do you want your children to refuse to eat the food that was made when going to a friends house?
  • Example: If you are choosing not to go eat Chinese food because you are afraid your kids won’t eat it. You are creating an entitled attitude in your children if you are making decisions based on what they want.
  • It kills hospitality and fellowship.

3. Paying Your Kids To Do Their Chores

  • This one is very destructive because pretty soon they are only helping because they want to be paid.
  • That destroys any sort of act of service that the bible tells us to have.
  • If you are only doing something for reward then it is out of selfishness and entitlement.
  • As a family, everyone should be doing their part with a helpful heart attitude. 
  • Do you want a team culture in your family where everyone pulls together and is helpful? If so the best way to cultivate that is to verbally say “we are a team” “we are team Tolpin” 
  • We have a schedule with everyone’s chores on it and if they don’t do their part there are consequences. Nobody gets paid for chores!
  • This does not mean that they never earn money! You should provide ways for your kids to earn money but that is a different topic for a different day.
  • The fear of your children getting hurt or messing up should not prevent you from allowing them to help with certain things, you should teach them how to safely and correctly take a part of the weight off of your shoulders. Again that is a different topic for a different day.
  • If you are doing everything by yourself you are going to be exhausted! God intended for families to be teams and work together. Everyone should do their part!

4. Friendships More Important Than Godliness

  • 2 Timothy 3:2-5 talks about men (humans) being lovers of worldly things rather than lovers of Godliness. 
  • We do not want this happening. If we allow our children to place friendships above God then we may have some old wounds that are influencing this soft approach which is leading them to ungodliness.
  • We need to take a look at ourselves and ask if we are parenting a certain way because of past hurts, for example, maybe there was a very harsh authority in your home growing up or someone who was abusing their authority.
  • We need to ask ourselves why we feel a desire or need to parent certain ways, and if it is because of things that happened in the past we need to make sure that we are parenting based off of what the bible says and not what our past hurts may naturally make us lean towards.
  • Sometimes we are weak in areas where we are trying to fix our hurts from the past and we need to realize that making decisions like that is not going to make anything better, it might even make things worse for your kids.
  • Our heart for this ministry is that we would inspire people to leave new legacies based on God’s truth and the bible, not legacies based on past hurts or failures.
  • None of us grew up in perfect homes and none of us have perfect homes but we should be able to look back on our pasts and say “was that a biblical way to do that, and if not, let’s change it and leave a new legacy”

5. Can’t Talk Without Kids Interrupting

  • We are not talking about the three-year-old who is learning how to be patient and is still being taught how to not interrupt. 
  • Children five years old and up should have enough training and respect for others to know that interrupting is not okay.
  • Children who interrupt portray to everyone that the kids run the home.

6. It Is Really Hard To Say No

  • Never saying “no” to your kids or more popularly known as consent parenting, is a very popular philosophy on parenting in today’s world. 
  • If you don’t teach your kids what no means, and if you don’t teach them to respect other people’s boundaries then you are potentially sending your children down a very dangerous road.
  • Sharing the why behind why you say no is a very wise thing to do but your children should be okay with no as an answer and they do not need to have a reason, you are the authority and they need to respect you.
  • Matthew 5:37 says to let your yes be yes and your no be no. so your children should not require long explanations, they should understand that when mom or dad says no they mean no ad that is good enough sometimes.
  • This will also teach them to be able to set boundaries with other people and just say no to certain things that do not align with the family or faith.
  • Boundaries are very important and “no” is a complete sentence.

7. Kids Above Marriage

  • Example: You can never leave your kids at home with a baby sitter to go on a date and grow in unity because your kids will freak out if you leave them.
  • Example: not being able to have a conversation with your spouse because your kids are constantly interrupting. 
  • Example: kids getting in the way of sleep. They are manipulative and wanting to sleep with their parents when they don’t need to and they are making up that they are scared.
  • Example: mom says no to something and then the kid goes to dad hoping for a different answer. This is very destructive in marriage and needs to be caught every time.

8. Fear Of Behavior Drives Decisions 

  • Example: Scared to go out to eat.
  • Example: canceling plans/preventing hospitality
  • Example: parenting differently because you don’t want your kids to act out in public.
  • 2 timothy 1:7 talks about not having a spirit of fear but one of sound mind.
  • If you have a spirit of fear regarding your kid’s behavior then there is something wrong.
  • If you have a sound mind its because you are in the word, and if you are in the word ten you will be parenting biblically, and if you are parenting biblically then your kids will probably not react the way you fear they will. 
  • No kids are perfect. They are going to act out sometimes but we should not fear that and we should do the things we feel called to do.

9. Stifling Maturity

  • Are you paralyzing your child’s spiritual growth?
  • You need to allow you, children, to grow, and growth happens in challenging situations. Do not shelter your kids to the point where they are unable to grow.
  • Example: if you are not having challenging discussions and asking their opinion on things.
  • Example: if you are protecting your children from experiencing the consequences of their decisions then they will not learn and they will not grow.

10. A Home Covered In Toys

  • There are two sides to this one. You want to be able to enjoy your children and make them feel loved but you do not want to do that to the point where they are spoiled. You can place healthy limits on things your children enjoy but you don’t want to be the killjoy of every situation, you can allow your kids to enjoy life and have fun. 
  • Example: you are avoiding hospitality because your home is covered in toys.
  • Teach your children to pick up after themselves. 

11. If You Can Never Leave

  • Example: you can’t go hang out with a girlfriend or a buddy because your kids will freak out.
  • Example: you can’t do something because you can’t leave the kids with your spouse.
  • You and your spouse should be parenting together, you are a team.

12. Helicopter Mom

  • Helicopter moms are moms who are overprotective always hovering over and involved in every little thing their children do.
  • Angie shares experiences with kids young and old not having respect or love for their mothers because they are so overbearing.
  • Don’t be a helicopter mom.

 

If you have related to any of these 12 signs then you should pray about it and take them to heart. Ask someone to hold you accountable and get wise counsel about it. 

We urge you to take this seriously because if you have a child-centered home it will make your parenting harder.

Thank you for joining us today, see you next time!

 

Scriptures In This Episode:

Hebrews 13:17 –Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”

2 Timothy 3:2-5 –For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”

Matthew 5:37 –But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

2 Timothy 1:7 –For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Ephesians 6:1 –Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

Relevant Resource Links:

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Are There Good Spiritual Reasons For Putting Your Kids In School?

It’s great to desire your kids to be a light for Christ, we desire that too.

Whether you are homeschooling or not this topic is vital for you to be educated on. It is too easy to be persuaded one way or the other without fully thinking it through for yourself.

We are going to take this topic very sensitively and we hope you keep an open mind as we go through it.

We are going to be sharing our convictions based on our experiences and research.

Here are the four spiritual reasons people are placing their kids in public and private school:

  1. Be the Salt and light

  2. The Great commission

  3. In the world but not of the world

  4. Be relevant

We don’t believe that any of these are good reasons as the purpose to put them into public or private school.

If you disagree with us, that’s okay.

You will be reaping what you sow as a parent. Also, we as parents are held accountable for the decisions that we make.

It doesn’t mean there aren’t unique situations that God has used for His glory.

Angie shares her story of being brought up in public school (Listen to episode)

Sometimes there are other good reasons to put your kids in public or private school like a single mom that needs to work for example.

We don’t have to agree on everything, we can be adults and respect each other even when we disagree.

1. Salt and Light

  • If they are going to be salty we are assuming that they have already been discipled
  • They know how to answer questions, are versed in the word of God
  • If we have a Biblical perspective of humanity then we believe what God’s word said that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.
  • The truth is that unless we have been discipling our children they aren’t salty and able to be an effective light.
  • Just because one kid is strong doesn’t mean your others are prepared to be a light
  • Sometimes we forget what we have and haven’t taught our kids, especially the younger ones.
  • It’s important to be fair as a parent and not discipline for something we haven’t created a proper expectation for.
  • Jesus is the ultimate example of discipling others. He discipled adults and walked together for three years. They didn’t have the folly of a child.
  • He didn’t send them out alone, they went two by two.
  • There is power in numbers, which is why we are part of a body of Christ.
  • How can we justify sending out a six-year-old by themselves?
  • It takes longer than three years with children, it takes a lot of time to disciple kids.
  • It is an ongoing rhythm of day by day discipleship in the small and large moments over a long period of time.
  • If we put our kids out into the world prematurely they can become saltless
  • The enemy doesn’t want your kids to stay strong because there’s an opportunity to kill an entire legacy.
  • We are the authorized leaders to disciple and train up our kids by God. We must stay the most important influence in their lives
  • Don’t underestimate your role as parents.
  • We as parents are responsible for filling up our kids so they can pour out to others.
  • You better be filling them up if you are going to send them out. It’s unfair to expect a child to be disciple-making if they don’t know the word of God.

2. The Great Commission

  • Being a light is different from the great commission.
  • The bible says that if you put a light on a lampstand it will bring light to the whole room, so being a light can simply be the way we live our lives.
  • The great commission is a slightly different thing than being a light.
  • 1 Peter 25 says that the word of god is spiritual milk and children need it to grow into maturity.
  • 1 peter 25 also says to put aside hypocrisy and there is hypocrisy in the education system.
  • If your kids are being educated by hypocrites then they are not putting aside all hypocrisy.
  • If you put your kids in school you are telling them to listen carefully, obey, trust, take notes, remember so you get good grades and follow the examples of the teachers and authorities in the school.
  • Can you say these things to your kids with confidence about their teachers and school authorities?
  • Matthew 28:18 says Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
  • If you say that you are fulfilling the great commission by putting your kids in school then you are saying that your kids are making disciples, baptizing (have you ever seen a 4-year-old baptize someone?), and teaching others to observe all of gods commandments (can an 8 year old remember all of the things God has Commanded?)
  • Are your children able to do this? Do your children have the confidence and maturity to do this?
  • If you want your kids to be able to disciple then they need to have seen and experienced it themselves.
  • Do you have expectations for your child in regards to the great commission that you do not live up to as an adult?
  • It sounds good and spiritual to say that you are sending your kids into school to evangelize and fulfill the great commission but then on your end are you evangelizing to your neighbors or the people you work with and interact with throughout your life.
  • Angie shares her experiences with most older women feeling like they do not know how to fulfill the great commission (listen to the episode)
  • If older generations are feeling unable to fulfill the great commission then how much more do parents today not understand how to?
  • If parents do not know how to disciple their kids then how are we supposed to expect children to do it?
  • Children need to have the confidence to share the truth
  • Part of sharing the truth is talking about sin and hell and are your kids confident enough to talk to their peers about those things? Are you confident yourself to talk about those things?
  • Are you picking up your kids from school and saying “who did you share the gospel to today? Who did you minister to today?”
  • No one needs a savior unless they believe that sin exists and that they have sinned.
  • We have to prepare our children with the truth found in the word.

3. In the world but not of the world

  • We are to be in the world and not of the world.
  • John 17:14-17 talks about the world hating those who believe the word of God.
  • So, if your children are believing the word of God then the people who don’t believe are supposed to hate them
  • Do we want to send our kids (young or old) that are fragile in their faith, who are still figuring out how to own their faith which could still potentially be mom and dads faith at this point, do we want to put those kids among a bunch of people who are going to hate them?
  • Just because you homeschool doesn’t mean you are not in the world, it just means that you are protecting your children from the world and the evil one.
  • Are our kids being sanctified by the truth of the bible on a daily basis or are they being washed with false doctrines because they are spending 40 hours a week 6-7 hours a day in a school setting where they are being taught the opposite of what the bible says and then they come home and they are tired when you are trying to correct what they learned earlier that day?
  • The point of them going to school is to be educated, and if that is the point (which it is) then why would we want to put an extra burden on them when they are trying to learn?
  • Think about the confusion: “go sit down in class, pay attention, take notes, remember, learn. And then when you come home you are going to tell me everything you learned so that I can correct it and tell you the truth.”
  • How can you be in the world if you don’t go to school? Well, what about sports, music lessons, friendships, going to the store, neighborhood, etc.
  • It’s important to teach your kids about what is happening in the world because if they don’t know what is happening then they can’t know how to stand up against the evil and deception of the world and they won’t be able to protect themselves.
  • Romans 12 the will of God, be transformed by the renewal of your mind, think soberly
  • Angie and Isaac share about a surprising experience one of their children had with kids who were proclaiming to be Christians but were living contrary to what they were saying. (listen to the episode)
  • Do you want your kids to look like the world?
  • Do you want them swearing, do you want them to look at the wrong things, do you want them to have worldly attitudes? Or do you want them to have the heart of God?
  • Do you want your kids to be relevant to foolishness?
  • There are better ways to equip your kids to be relevant in the world.
  • 63% percent of teenaged Christians don’t believe that Jesus is the son of God.
  • 51% don’t believe that Jesus rose from the dead
  • 68% don’t believe that the holy spirit is a real entity
  • Only 33% of Christian kids say that God will play a part in their lives after they leave home.
  • If they resist authority when they are young then how are they going to submit to Gods authority when they are older.

Scripture in this episode

John 13:35 – “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Proverbs 22:15 – “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of correction will drive it far from him.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 – “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”

Matthew 5:13 – “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.”

Philippians 2:12 – “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;”

1 Peter 1:25 – “But the word of the Lord endures forever. Now this is the word which by the gospel was preached to you.”

Matthew 28:18 – “And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.”

John 17:14-17 – “I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.”

Romans 12:1-3 – “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Colossians 2:8 – “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.”

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