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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.

And Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children Biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community. Enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 million legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes and other biblically based resources. Go to be courageous ministry.org.

Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome, everyone.

Hey, guys.

I am so glad to be back with you, Angie.

Oh, yeah. You are not feeling so good last week.

Thank you so much for covering. And if you haven’t listened to it, such a good episode where Angie spits some good fire last week.

Oh, wow. Okay. We talked about growing and that growth is an important element of thriving. So if you feel like you’re in a ditch and you’re not thriving, you can truly be thriving in any season and regardless of your circumstances. So go and listen to.

Some amazing encouragement. But we’re back talking about marriage this week. So important. I mean, we’re in the thick of the summer, aren’t we? And it is such a good time to let our marriages shine for the glory of God, but also be examples to our children. And some of the normal rhythms and schedules are changed. And this gives opportunity for these things, but also can lead to some frustrations in marriage too. So I think it’s really important. It’s a timely message. We’re also talking about this in a very curriculum based way in our lives, in the app, in the Courageous Marriage series right now. So I encourage you to get in the app and get that. But we’re going to give six keys right now in the podcast episode. And also what else is going on?

Well, we’ve got the Be Courageous Coffee that is just doing awesome right now. Yeah, I love it. It’s weird because we ran out, our subscription hadn’t come yet and we use it for church and for all hospitality, all kinds of things. So we went through a lot of coffee and I did not like the the supplemental in between coffee. I was like, Wow, I’ve really become accustomed to it. So anyway, that being said, you know, everybody has different taste buds, but I really like our coffee.

I love it too, and I appreciate everybody that subscribes. It helps us to be able to provide this free content and also new free content. The Resolute Man Podcast. I don’t know if you’ve ever created a podcast before. There’s a lot of thought and tension and actually there’s some financial obligations too, when doing podcasting. So it really is a thing. And so we just so appreciate you supporting the ministry and whatever ways you do, even if it’s prayer so powerful and we.

Need it and we need that, you guys, it’s for sure that there’s life. We live in a fallen world, and so life happens to all people, regardless of who you are and what you do for a vocation, right? Sickness happens, things like that. It’s part of being in a fallen world, but there’s also the enemy’s attacks. And when you’re in ministry and when you’re purposefully trying to equip the saints and work, work, work for him, you it’s like having a big red target on your back. Yeah. And so we’ve definitely experienced some some weird sicknesses in the last few weeks. So we appreciate your prayers.

Yeah. And hey, by the way, the next parenting mentor program starts end of July. It’s perfect timing to build momentum into the fall and get some skills. I’m sure as the family’s spending time together, you’re noticing some things that you want to improve. That program has stood the test of time and become even more relevant as the accelerating change in the world is a biblically based and so helpful. And by the way, if you shared about the Resolute Man podcast, I so appreciate it. I can’t believe it, but it landed in the top 200 under religion and spirituality in.

The first episode.

For the first episode, and that’s unbelievable on Apple. So give it a review and share it out there. Episode two is Coming The Art of Clear Thinking. But today we’re talking about marriage. So let’s dive into that. Okay, So first of all, well.

We are talking about the six keys to a thriving marriage today. So like Isaac said, we have a whole series that we are going through in the Be Courageous app. We’re doing our marriage series. So the first one was on Oneness. The second one was on communication. Those were our long teachings. So we’re not going to be diving as deep in today’s podcast into those topics. But our first one is to audit and improve your communication, because that really was like a theme of what we talked about in one of our lives when we were talking about communication, because you have to be honest, you do.

And when you think about team in any setting, if there’s not good communication, there is a serious breakdown in teamwork. There is potentially not a team anymore. Potentially, there’s just people that exist and they don’t work well together. And some marriages have fallen into that trap in a very slow, incremental process over a long period of time of neglect. And it really takes purposeful, intentional effort to improve your communication and communication. And marriage is either getting stronger or worse. There is no in between. And frankly, your parenting is going to fall behind if your marriage isn’t aligned right. It’s so.

Important. Well, and I even think about here’s a word that we haven’t used yet that just popped into my mind. Longevity long. Jevity of marriages. As you guys know, the divorce rates are staggering. Regardless of people and faith based communities and those who are not. And why? Why is that? I mean, obviously Jesus heals Jesus. The Holy Spirit working in us allows us to do things that are humanly not possible, like forgiving really hard things that most people struggle to forgive, for example. Right. And so Jesus is obviously the foundation. But aside from that, like, what are some things that can really help a couple to have longevity in their marriage? And I think that communication is the number one most important thing, because when communication breaks down, that’s when there is a foothold, if you will. Right. For the enemy to create confusion. If there is a lack of communication, then what are you what are what is there? There’s like you’re leaving it open to misinterpretations, misunderstandings, expecting the other person to be thinking your thoughts. There’s all kinds of potential dangers with this. And then there’s like, Oh, but you said this, you know, a long time ago when in reality you might have changed your mind since then. So communication is important. That’s why, you know, in the Parenting Mentor program, we encourage couples to talk about issues that maybe they’ve never talked about before and to get aligned to get in unity on the different decisions that parents face today regarding parenting. And yeah, we throw ourselves under the bus bringing up really hard topics that I think couples have a really hard time talking about today. And I think we’re doing the same thing in the Be Courageous app when we’re going through the marriage series also and talking about intimacy and different things like that, because couples have a hard time talking about those. The communication is really difficult on certain topics. If you’ve never like exercised that muscle of communicating about a specific topic.

And hey gents, the Bible says to live with your wives in an understanding way, but if there isn’t good communication or your bride doesn’t feel like you’re listening or interested or proactively probing and asking questions in a loving way to find out how she’s doing. But then you just have expectations for intimacy or for these other things, and there’s there’s something wrong there. But she’s not communicating because you’re causing blockages in that communication. There’s a big problem right there. There’s all kinds of challenges that can creep in in marriage. And sometimes we just it’s not worth it to communicate. It can be a thought because of the longevity of the conflict that ensues afterwards. And I think that really it’s important that we do communicate and we don’t let the sun go down in our anger. That’s very, very important, a principle Angie and I have had. And you’re both wired uniquely. You know, when you first got married, you really loved the differences in each other. You were like, This is awesome. She’s strong where I’m weak, I’m strong, where she’s weaker and we complete each other. We’re one and we’re really excited about it. Right. But you know what happens over time? If there isn’t work at this, those differences become actual friction points in our communication. And if we’re not careful, we can grow to have disdain for the difference.

What’s that word? That familiarity breeds contempt. Yeah. That. That. Yeah. Yeah. You said that a few times in different podcasts. And that comment that you said actually reminds me of that because the truth is we don’t want to have contempt in our marriages. No, but familiarity and thinking that you know what the other person’s going to say. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in an argument with your spouse. And that’s been the thing. Like you’re assuming that you know what they’re going to say because they’ve said it so many times and then you just say something as if they said it and they’re like, Why did you say that? I didn’t respond like that. Right. You guys, we need to we need to scratch that out. We need to not allow ourselves to be like that. I know Isaac and I have struggled with that at times and we have to catch ourselves. And it’s something that is a human temptation for sin is to think that you know what the other person’s going to say because maybe you know them. Here’s another term, right? I know you like the back of my hand, right? My great grandma used to say that one. And and how how well, you know someone or how long you’ve lived with someone does not mean that you know their thoughts or you know what they’re going to say. And so we need to have humility and look at ourselves rightly and understand that we’re not, you know, telepathic. We don’t know the thoughts of another human like God does. And so we need to ask good questions and not just listen, but hear one another, you know? And yeah, talking about issues like intimacy or can I just say work also is another thing. I think that that’s something that regardless of if both people are working in their marriage or one person is to be communicating about that and encouraging one another because it can be hard and sometimes you don’t feel good or sometimes there’s attacks or you have low confidence. There’s all kinds of things, right? And so communication, communication and.

Do you actually talk about exciting things? Do you talk about interesting things? Do you talk about ideas and what the Bible says and dreams and plans and projects and callings and passions and interests and or do you fall to maintenance and gossip and, you know nothing? Mhm.

Yeah. You know, it’s interesting. We’re not big people, watchers, but sometimes when we’re out on a date night, we’ll notice when couples are having a hard time talking. And you can tell that they’re clearly like on a date, you know? And it just makes me sad because there is so much in life to be communicating about, to be really engaging in your marriage. And if you’re having a hard time finding those things to talk about, maybe you need to become a student of your spouse and you really need to try again. Can I say try again? Because obviously there was a point in your relationship where you both were trying, even on the level of communication, much more than maybe you are now, and you need to keep pursuing one another and trying and understanding that you’re not made the same. You are wired differently. You’re wired.

Very differently. And if you’re not growing, you’re obviously not going to have things to talk about. Yeah, so each person needs to be growing so they can be interesting and stir up conversation with one another. And what do you think about this or what do you think is happening over here? The Bible says this. This is what I think. What do you think? And and wrestling with scripture together and oh, wow. Just so many things you could be talking about If one of you loves to do pottery, but they’re not doing it and like work in the what do you call it? Clay. Clay Yeah, neither of us do it. But but anyways, you’re doing good. If one of you is into that and the other person should be into too, and asking about it and these kinds of things like in stirring, Oh, you haven’t been and notice you haven’t been doing it well how can we carve out time so you can do that thing you care about?

Yeah, You know, it’s interesting because you know, we have this, like, little mini homestead going on in our property and there are different aspects of getting to the point of growing and harvesting vegetables that have to be done. There’s all this big work that we’re constantly doing big projects, right? And Isaac’s usually manning the big projects like moving the tree that fell and chopping it up and hauling the wood and like the big projects, right? And then there’s there’s Angie who’s in there dealing with the weeds on her hands and knees with some of the littles in the garden. Right. And we still take time. Like if you guys follow us on social media, you see that Angie’s got videos of Isaac and the boys chopping up wood, and Isaac’s got videos of Angie working hard in the garden because we take time to try to be interested in the things that we’re each doing, even though it’s differently, different things. And I just so appreciate when he even takes time to, like, walk into the garden and go, So what’s going on in here? And he’s got Xander in the backpack sometimes and he’s like, Oh, look here, what’s this fruit? Oh, we got strawberries, you know, And he’s he’s acknowledging it.

He’s asking what’s going on? He’s, he’s enjoying the garden. That makes me enjoy it even more. And we’re a team in it. I feel like we’re more of a team when we when he takes interest. And I’m sure that he feels the same way about me. And so, you know, as you guys are communicating, you don’t want to be in this rut of whatever you’re doing. You feel like you’re doing it alone because truly, God gave you a partner in life. And when we’re talking about this oneness in a minute, but when two become one, you’re going to be doing those things together, even though maybe one person is doing more of the project physically, the other person is there to be encouraging, to be interested and to be growing with you in that, and that can be hugely powerful for motivation. I think that that’s that’s kind of a huge thing is having motivation for wanting to grow.

So to finish this part because we have six parts here is that audit audit your communication and think about is it just talking about maintenance and things you have to talk about or do you guys actually get conversations about more than that that’s meaningful, that nourishes your relationship?

So we want to share with you guys from Ephesians Chapter five. This whole chapter is really, really good about husbands and wives. We’re just going to read a couple verses. It says in verse 28, In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. So there’s a ding or ding, ding, ding, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. And if you skip down just a few verses, says, However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And so in communication, are you loving your wife in communication? Are you respecting your husband? Are you there? You guys, are there ways that do you know how your spouse feels most loved? And if you do, are you doing that or are you loving them? The way you want to be loved, which would be much more self focused.

Is it loving to only be interesting or is it more loving to be interested? See interesting. We have to be interested. That’s selfless, that is sincere, That is approaching another person with questions or interest or getting involved in what they’re interested in. And or are you the one that’s just always interesting? And talking usually in a marriage, a lot of times there’s one that’s quieter and one that’s more talkative, that talkative person. We talk more about this at length, but that more talkative person needs to understand that they just can’t be interesting all the time. Or are you the one that only talks about the bad things happening constantly? And it’s always a woe is me kind of conversation where it’s just over time becomes a drag. And so that’s important to think about too.

Because that’s not interesting or interested. No. Being a drag. Yes, that’s true. So we want to jump into the next point here. Number two is work on your oneness. So we are going to just share from Genesis chapter two, verse 24, which says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

Whoa, hold fast. You hold fast together forever. There’s never a conversation about divorce. We don’t bring that into our vocabulary. Angie and I have literally never said those words in conversation with ourselves or anybody else.

That was a purposeful decision. You know, like, I just want to remind people that, you know, when you hear people say things like, we’ve never or we’ve always those are those are words that you would have heard in our Be Courageous app. We talked about communication, not using those words. But truthfully, Isaac and I have never used the word divorce, but that was because we in premarital counseling were warned not to and we made a decision to never use the D word. And so it doesn’t come up. It’s never been an option. It’s not on the radar. And so for us, both of us, making that commitment even before we were married was like hugely powerful and setting us up for success. But if you’re in a place where that’s maybe been threatened in your marriage, you guys can make a choice together in unity to not allow the enemy to tempt you towards that. But it’s going to take being, you know, both being diligent and catching yourself before you say that word. If that’s become a bad habit. And I would say it is bad if it’s a habit.

Now, there’s also there there there are a couple of unique situations. The Bible talks about where that word can be talked about, and that can unfortunately be a possibility, but it doesn’t mean it has to be that way. And people can work through that and God can heal things. But if you’re in a very tragic situation in your marriage, we our heart goes out to you and we pray for you, but for anything else than a biblical reason, those words should never be talked about or considered. It shouldn’t even be an option that enters your mind. It it’s a non thought, you know what I mean? Because oneness how do you create? You can’t go two, two, one and then back to two. No, you’re one your whole fast, right? It’s really important to think that way and have that mindset. Now, obviously the Bible is talking about, in part, intimacy, in oneness. That’s super important in marriage. It’s super awesome in marriage. Usually it should be. If not, you need to communicate. But but that is a that is a really amazing thing, but it’s only part of it. And gents, if, if if you think that, oh, intimacy is going well in my marriage and you just assume that you have good oneness in your marriage because that’s going well, you may be blind to some things, maybe not, but you may be blind to some things because oneness has is way more than that.

And I would say, too, if intimacy is a struggle, then maybe there’s that’s a reflection of another area in your marriage that is also a struggle as well. And so that’s why like we started this podcast off with audit. I would almost say audit your communication, audit your oneness, audit your I mean, we could literally do audit all of the things, you know. But the truth is, is that we need to be communicating and and also trying with our actions. It’s not just our words. We don’t want to be people that just talk, but being one is a physical thing. And but it’s also an aspect of the mind, an aspect of the heart aspect of of physical ness. And we talk way more in depth. Like I said, in the very first live, that was a whole one hour teaching just on this specific topic, but we wanted to encourage you guys that, you know, when people talk about oneness, sometimes people within the church have a misunderstanding of what that looks like and different people interpret this. Specific scripture that we shared in Genesis 224 differently. Like Isaac said, it is heavily it is talking about the physical intimacy right on holding fast. Another version says that they cling to one another, right? And so there is a physical element to that, right? But it’s important that we recognize like, how did God create humans? He created us in many different ways. Like we are people of emotions. So is there a oneness in your marriage with emotions? And if I was to ask you the reason why I’m using that as an example, I’m not talking about uniformity.

Unity is not uniformity. It’s also not conformity. And I’m saying those words, those are like ping words for me, because I think that sometimes people misunderstand and they think that when they get married, they’re going to lose part of themself. Now, listen, when you get saved. Yeah, there are there are aspects when you become a Christian that God calls you to lay down your cross and take up his. If there is sin in your life, we are called as believers to confess and repent. Repent means to turn away from and not do those fleshly things anymore. And that is really, truly one of the most important decisions that we can make before we get married that prepares us to be a healthy and and hopefully more righteous, more holy, because Jesus says be holy because I am holy. And so as we’re making that progress in our walk with God, we are more prepared to enter into a whole marriage in a way that is more biblical, right? But even if you’re married and you get saved down the road, there are going to be things that you need to let go of. Hey, guys. And if you’ve been married and you’ve been a Christian, there are going to be things you need to let go of. Because humanity, we are constantly tempted to be selfish, to be self-focused, to be tempted into sin. The enemy wants to get a foothold right.

The world is tempting us. We need to understand that while we live here, we are not perfect and we are not going to be able to necessarily say no to all the temptations or be perfect in a sense. But that doesn’t give us the freedom to spit on grace, if you will. Instead, what we need to do is be humble when we make the mistake, but try hard and work out our salvation with fear and trembling in our marriage. And if we’re doing that, our oneness is easier and we’re going to actually not be so self-focused and we’re going to love the differences in one another and we’re going to come together. It’s interesting. I was thinking about math the other day because I was I was thinking about this concept of oneness and one plus one equals two. Everybody knows that. But in God’s economy, it’s like one individual plus one individual equals one individual in a sense, right? Because two are becoming one. And what’s interesting about that, though, is that there there isn’t really a like a a letting go of personhood or identity when you are strong in Christ. It’s a combining of those two to be a greater one. Amen. And what’s really beautiful about it, when obviously when you’re in a biblical marriage, you have God a part of that too. And so that oneness, what God has brought together, let no man separate. That is a stronger oneness, right? Because you have the power of the Holy Spirit in that marriage.

So we got to focus on the relational oneness, spiritual oneness we’ve got there’s so much more to work on, but let’s move on. So we’re going to finish up these few points here, but they’re really important. Encourage each other’s gifts and passions. We talked a little bit about this, but I would just say be proactive. Of course, there’s a season for everything. Sometimes let’s say the wife is at home with the littles and she has a passion to do something that may or may not need to wait. Maybe there’s a part of it or a version of it or some preparation, some learning that can happen for that to happen later in life. But we do need to pay attention to our seasons. And I think the point is, yes, let’s encourage each other and their gifts and their callings and their passions, but let’s never either way, husbands, no wives, no never sacrifice your family for your gifts or your passions. You know, this this book you’ve maybe heard me quote before. There’s this one part I love which says, the the genius of the and or the tyranny of the or which one are you going to listen to? And I like the genius of the end versus the tyranny of the war. In most things. There’s some things where there is an Or and we have to be decisive about that. But in this case, I think it’s a genius of the and it’s just about timing.

But we need to have a heart posture as husbands that I’m excited to see my wife grow. That’s not threatening for me, although it might be threatening for me if I wasn’t growing. Wow. You can’t effectively lead if you’re not growing because you will. Subconsciously. Potentially. Sir. Stifle the growth of your wife. And I just want my wife to be even stronger in the Lord. I want my wife to do the things she’s called to do and to express herself and to be able to influence in the way she’s called to influence or write, in the way she’s called to write or whatever the things are. Garden and the way she wants. I want to support those things and put money in those areas. And of course, we’re, you know, making those choices in large part together. But, you know, it’s so important. And likewise, she is a support. She’s a helpmate for me. Right. It’s amazing. And but it goes both ways. And I think that sometimes in marriages, the guys are just working hard and the wives are working with the littles and there’s not a conversation at least about the importance of each other’s callings, passions and interests. And even if it’s not the right season, we should at least talk about it so it’s registered. Okay. There might come a time for that and asking each other how we can support each other.

Well, and I even think it doesn’t even have to be in the in the sense of jobs or working per se, even if they’re what they’re doing is for free. Let’s say they’re doing ministry of some kind, but like thinking about, you know, where a member of a body, hopefully every person listening to this podcast is a member of a local church. We would encourage that 100%. We always want to encourage that. But if you are, how are you participating or are you just a spectator going and taking? And the truth is, is that if you’re part of a body, which you should be because God calls you to be, you should be contributing somehow. So this is a perfect example of when you’re one and you’re good at communicating and you’re auditing and you’re encouraging one another’s callings for the Lord, recognizing that your spouse, both spouses, have a mission to do even within the body somehow. Right? What does that look? Is it the bigger body, the bigger church? Like what we’re doing with Be Courageous Ministries? Is something like that or is it something that’s more local, whether it’s hosting or or helping with a pro-life ministry within your church? Or is it going to be helping with the vacation Bible school? What is it? Because see, every single one of these things that I just mentioned have a different commitment level and they have a different duration. And there’s something that doesn’t you know, it doesn’t matter really what season of life you’re in because you can think about it and go, Oh, I can I can volunteer for a week for vacation Bible school in a year. That’s a very small commitment. Or or maybe I can do once a month on the worship team or maybe instead of doing all four weeks in a church.

Right. Or a month. And so, like there there are compromises that you can make within the season that you’re in. And there are some times where God just calls you home for a season. And if you’re a wife and you’re listening, I have experienced that personally where God just said, Nope, this is not a season for you to be serving in the church. You’re going to wait till your husband is ready and he leads you into doing something together. And you guys, I did. I walked away from being, you know, involved slash leading four different ministries within a church all in one day, because I knew that God was calling me to focus on my home. Nothing was wrong. I just didn’t want there to be something wrong. And I knew I had a hard time saying no. So coming to my husband, I said, I’m having a hard time saying no. So we actually ended up changing churches so that people wouldn’t necessarily know the Giftings and asked me to do a million things. And during that time people would get to know us and they’d be like, Oh, why aren’t you doing this? Oh, why aren’t you doing that? And I’d just say, It’s not the season. And I waited until God moved my husband’s heart to want to go into ministry. And that was when he came to me and said, Hey, what do you think about leading a home group? And that was where we started all those years ago, like doing something together again. And even though we had done like small, smaller things together, I.

Think that was like four years in a marriage. Three years.

3 or 4 years, Yeah. And we had done like hospitality nights at our home for like new people who were visiting the church at another church that we were part of and, you know, different things like that. But again, like as far as being committed into a more long term position and committed to a people, that was the first time we did it together. And so we.

Just refused to sacrifice our family. We see that God has good plans and we we see that it’s important for Angie to be home nurturing, taking care of the littles in in a major way while I’m participating. We really feel in those traditional biblical roles. Yes.

So, you know, as we’re talking about encouraging the different gifts, it’s not just like, what are they good at? What can they make money at, but it’s also what gifts and talents has God given my spouse and how are they supposed to be used now? Or are they for like, you guys need to communicate, pray about it together? Can I just say praying together is a huge blessing, a huge way that like you can communicate in an easier way without like having. Having to have long, long meetings. I find out stuff that’s on Isaac’s heart way more. I just am like, Whoa. I had no idea when we pray together. And so it shows you an intimate part of your spouse’s heart when you’re able to connect in that kind of way.

All right. Number four is to recalibrate your vision together. And sometimes vision can be a daunting word because you think that, oh, I’m not a visionary. Oh, my spouse is a visionary. So you just count yourself out of that category and nobody should do that. You don’t have to be a proclaimed visionary. Nobody has to speak that into your life to for this to be a truism for every single marriage, because it absolutely is. That’s so powerful. And recalibrate your vision together. Vision is what you are moving towards together. That’s it. Simple what you’re moving towards together. Now, whether you proclaim a vision, talk about a vision or not, you tend to move forward. Because why? Because time moves forward. But if you don’t craft it, if you don’t talk about it, if you don’t at least have a general idea about it, you’re going to get you’re going to get swayed. It’s like a sailboat without a rudder, Right? The wind hits, circumstances hit, the waves hit, and you’re tossed to and fro and every circumstance moves the boat here and there. And there’s really no leadership happening and there’s no vision. There’s no destination in mind. It’s just survival. How are we going to survive? We don’t have a rudder. Vision is like a rudder. And when you grab a hold of that rudder and see something in the horizon that you’re going to and you mutually aligned and want to do it, you can steer with the help of the Lord blowing the wind. See? So it’s so important that you have some vision so you’re not just pushed by circumstance. There’s going to be increasing number of circumstances. There is an enemy that’s orchestrating all kinds of evil in the world and pressure against your marriage. And he hates your marriage. So we have to rely on an all powerful god. But are you and are you listening to what he might have for your marriage? And are you discussing it together? Are you guys praying about it together? You have a date nights and figuring it out together?

You know, it’s interesting because when you talk about vision and you’re exhorting, I love what you’re exhorting to these couples right now because you’re making vision, which can seem like this, like you either are wired this way to be a visionary or you’re not is how a lot of different assessments make it seem right. You guys know what I’m talking about. And some people may be married to someone who they’re just like, Yeah, he just isn’t a visionary. And so then and maybe you’re more wired that way and you’re like, Oh, but am I leading my family? This is you. I just want to reiterate what Isaac said. Encourage your spouse to know which direction you’re going. It really is that simple. And no one has to be a visionary or have that proclaimed over them to be able to do it. That’s so encouraging. Isaac But I also think about how much our kids need that. This is a courageous parenting podcast, and even though we’re talking about marriage today, I just want to remind you that obviously one of the best gifts that you can give your kids is a thriving marriage. That’s what we’re talking about, is the six keys to a thriving marriage. And part of having vision is understanding that where you’re going, where you’re moving your family, there needs to be a spiritual element to that. And you know what the Bible already says? As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. It’s actually pretty simple and you don’t need to make it complicated. So having a vision of like, we’re going to serve the Lord, what does that look like? Hey, kids, what does it look like to serve the Lord? Hey, wife, let’s go on a date night and talk about what it means to serve the Lord. What are we passionate about? How can we uniquely serve the Lord as a family? And it may look totally different than everybody else that you know, that serves the Lord. And that’s great because that’s that’s the uniqueness of how your family was brought together.

Remember, vision makes the mundane meaningful. So if you’re doing the mundane on a daily basis but you don’t have a direction, it’s something you’re looking forward to. And you see all these small, mundane tasks and efforts and influence with the children and and finances and, you know, where where you’re living and all these different things. If you don’t if you don’t see how that’s being orchestrated in a direction, then the mundane becomes unbearable. And even resentment and resentment and things like that. You need to know where you’re going. And we really encourage a multi-generational legacy. You should be thinking beyond. You should be thinking about your grandkids and and their kids and so forth and what you’re instilling in this new legacy you’re cultivating with the help of the Lord.

You know, it’s really a beautiful thing when you get to experience a little taste test of that, right? Like, I remember we we got to watch our granddaughter Quincy for a few days while her mom and dad went on a special birthday trip to the other side of the United States. And and while she was here, Isaac always takes Zander on these walks, you guys. And it’s really cute. Puts him in the backpack and they go on little hikes and stuff. And I put Quincy in my backpack and we went to Grandma’s garden and it was just. Like a little taste of, like, part of what I have envisioned, right? Like, yes, I still have little kids of my own in the house. And I when I plant the raspberries and the strawberries, I do that with the vision that I. Yep. I betcha Zander’s going to be squatting down or Solomon is going to be squatting down eating my strawberries before I can pick them. It’s true. But I also am thinking about my grandkids. And that’s just like one example of like, so when you are homeschooling, when you are doing, when you’re reading books to your kids, when you’re reading the Bible, when you’re teaching them how to pray, when you’re teaching them how to worship, when you do family worship, when you work together, those things impact them so much and they become memories.

Especially if you’re taking pictures when they’re little and then you’re showing them those pictures to help them to remember the memories, which are really important. That’s part of how you create a legacy is to remember. That’s why the Bible over and over again, the forefathers of the faith, if you will, were exhorted by God to create altars as remembrance places where they would tell the next generation of what God has done. So when you are experiencing moving towards a vision that can be exciting, but don’t forget to share that vision with your kids because it is exciting and they should be a part of that excitement with you. It helps them to learn how to lay vision for their futures. And if you’ve had a hard time doing that yourself, it might just be because you didn’t experience that yourself. It’s not hard to do and you can even teach your kids how to do it.

I think we talk about vision in the first episode, don’t we?

It’s the very first episode, Episode one.

Go back and listen to that and if you love it, would you share it? Oh yeah. My favorite two episodes are the first, two are number one and number two. All right. For sure. All right. Number five, include God in your marriage. We’ve already talked about praying together. Angie had a great example of that. Just do it. If you’re nervous to pray out loud with each other, that is an important marriage muscle to grow beyond. By the way, gents, my wife was a super prayer. Oh, my gosh. She still is. But I. I felt that way because I was a new believer as of, you know, a year or so. And so it was a little intimidating, I’ll just be honest. And I still did it. I still prayed, of course. Yeah. But I remember that. And I remember she’s so eloquent with her words. I actually think women are such great communicators. I think men can be too. But naturally, women have more words to get out, and I think they’re more used to getting more words out. They have a lot of practice getting more words out. And I’m generalizing here. And so I think prayer just seems to flow for them. That’s just my observation now. I think it can flow for men too, but it’s like a muscle.

That needs to get exercised.

Let’s work on our prayer life and let’s not be concerned about praying out loud in front of each other. That would mean you’re probably not praying out loud in front of your children, too. And that would be a travesty. Yeah, that would be sad. So. So you want to work that muscle and pray to your Lord? It’s just talking to your father in heaven, your ultimate perfect father that loves you so dearly and thinks you’re awesome. That’s who you’re talking to. Just. Just talk, okay? And then grow together. You got to be growing. Part of the reason we do projects, there’s a practical side of it. Yes, we want vegetables, but it causes us to grow.

We have to learn.

More for sure. We learn when we’re doing new projects together, when we’re trying things, when we’re doing a three month trip and working full time at the same when I’m working full time at the same time and, you know, doing things that sound impossible or challenging, they actually make us grow. You know, I just posted today on Resolute Man. I think that the ease and comfort of society today in comparison to past has weakened people. And I don’t think we operate best when things are easier. I think we operate best when we’re relying on God and operate walking forward in faith because we have to. And so I as I look over our marriage, I kind of feel like we put things out there that force us to rely on God. Yeah. And and sometimes he tests us and takes away and we have to rely on him not because of our choice. And that’s been amazing. And I just the sweetest times and the most memorable times for our children are when we’re operating far beyond the the end of our strength so that God shows up in his. And how beautiful is that?

Yeah. And if you guys are thinking on this topic of growth, I just want to remind you again of last week’s podcast because that was what the whole podcast was about. It was just really focusing on growing because it is an element that has to exist for there to be thriving. When you think of a garden and you see a plant that’s thriving. What is the definition of that? It’s that there’s new growth. That what was there is grown even bigger. And really that word thrive comes from the that agricultural background. Something’s either thriving or it’s just or it’s dying, actually, and it’s not going to produce fruit. There’s really no in between. And so it’s just interesting how that works with plants. And I think that humans are very similar in that regard because if we’re if we’re growing, we are thriving. Even if the the to the world, our circumstances may not look the best. But if we’re learning something new in the process, like we can live with contentment and joy and peace and excitement and really be thriving, like truly thriving and growing in our personal life, even if maybe you don’t have the most expensive boat and the most expensive house and the most expensive cars and all the things that the world would see. But instead it’s what’s going on in your heart and your mind and your soul and and within your relationship with the Lord. And what what is the fruit that’s coming out of it that’s eternal, that’s really going to matter.

And so we just want to encourage you guys to focus on growth. That’s eternal growth and not just put that on the back burner because you’re pursuing financial growth. I think a lot of times people will do that, especially young couples. They’ll say, Oh, I’m going to work so hard while our kids are young. And you’ve talked about this so many times. But but the truth is, is that you cannot replace the time that you have today and right now. Now, yes, you do want to work hard. You want to work hard to provide for your family. The Bible says it’s worse for an unbeliever than for a man not to provide for his family. And so providing is important. It’s it’s one of the main things God created in men. Okay. And that’s a good thing. But there is an element in men also where they were designed as social beings to be in fellowship with God, the Father, and to experience the Holy Spirit. And so you cannot neglect that. For the other thing, you can’t have two gods. And so let’s keep our priorities straight when it comes to growth that we would be pursuing God and pursuing growth in our relationship with him, pursuing growth in our relationship with our spouse, pursuing growth in our families, auditing all of those relationships and where people are at being honest, it takes honesty to truly audit.

And so wrap things up. Don’t let anything come between you and your spouse, anything. Don’t let your children come between you. They ask one spouse, they say no. They go ask the other one.

That would be a division getter right there.

Divisive, Right. You’ve you got to make sure that doesn’t happen. Right? You don’t let family come in between you. You don’t let friends come in between you. You don’t let sin come in between you. You don’t let selfishness come in between you. You don’t let unforgiveness that taints every bit of communication you’re going to have. You can’t do step one if you’re not doing step six, which includes unforgiveness. You have to forgive the past. You have to let it go, whatever it is, or you.

Won’t be able to communicate. That’s what Isaac is saying you can’t do, Number one that we talked about today, which is the auditing. You’re improving your communication. You can’t do that if you’re not doing what we just talked about with unforgiveness.

And you probably all had this in our wedding, you know, this scripture. So we’re going to end with it. First Corinthians 13, four through seven. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things things. So thanks for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous ministry. Org For more biblically based resources Ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible be courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group and the Be Courageous app, live webcasts and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program. Secure your spot now at be courageous ministry org. That’s be courageous ministry.org.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already. Is the date Night one sheet. It is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night to just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to courageous Parenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything at Courageous Parenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at Courageous Parenting.com.

Stephen, I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

But Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.

This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me the vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in Scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation.