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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the show.

Hi, guys.

So glad you’re here. We’re talking about such an important topic that can creep into so many families. And you really don’t want to let anger destroy your home?

That’s right. And I think that we decided to do this topic because the last time we talked about anger, it was one of our most popular podcast episodes. And so and and honestly, you’re only brushing the tip of the iceberg with that. So we’re going to dive a little deeper today and give you guys some scripture to really meditate on. But I think it’s also an important thing for us as intentional parents to think about what legacy we’re leaving with our kids and how they’re going to be as parents, how they’re going to be operating. And if they grow up with anger, they’re likely to have it as well.

So the question is, if you get angry in your home, yelling at times and things like that, the question is, did you see that happen when you were growing up? And then the really big question and important question is what is the legacy you want to leave.

Mhm.

You know it’s interesting because we’re going to we’re going to go into Ephesians four here at the beginning of today’s podcast. We’re doing things a little bit differently this, this today, this new year. And um, before we dive into Scripture, one of the things that is something we hear all the time from people is I was raised that way. So it’s something I struggle with. But we see throughout Scripture and exhortation that if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you have a Bible. You are even if you don’t have the Bible. But if you are hearing this and you are hearing about Jesus Christ, and that he died on the cross for your sins, and he rose again from the dead to save you from that, to give you the gift of eternal life. And you believe that in your heart you can become a new creation in Christ. That is a gift that you get from the Lord. And so regardless of how you were raised, you do not get the the opportunity to use that as an excuse. I know that’s kind of a hard thing to hear, but it’s we don’t get it as an excuse because we have the power of God living in us as believers, and we can actually call on his name and ask His Holy Spirit to give us wisdom and strength and change us.

Yeah, don’t embrace that. Don’t embrace that as a reason at all, because it just further makes it feel impossible to overcome. Instead, embrace that you are a new creation and you’re struggling with something. Yes. It’s sin. Yes, and we all make mistakes, but that with a belief that God can help you overcome this, that God can change your home, that this doesn’t have to continue in your legacy. You have the opportunity, with the help of the Lord, to create a completely new legacy where people are not yelling at each other as commonplace.

Yeah.

So, you know, when we do the Courageous Parenting Podcast, we have listeners from all over the world, over 190 countries, which is awesome. And here’s the deal. I think the reason why the Anger podcast episode was so popular is because it’s a human problem. Mhm. All people, regardless of how they were raised, can be tempted to struggle with anger. It’s a human emotion, just like how we all experience fear at times, right? If you’ve learned anything about the fight or flight, um, reaction that people have when they’re under stress, when they experience anxiety, or when they’re in situations that would cause fear, then you know that different people respond differently to stressful situations, right? Um, but fear can can actually it’s causal in us, and it creates a different response in different people based upon how they’re wired, what they’ve experienced in their life, different things like that. And so it is a worthy thing. Like Isaac was saying at the very beginning, it is a worthy thing to reflect on how you were raised. It is a worthy thing to take time to reflect on maybe a traumatic event that happened in your life that maybe would have caused you to be short tempered with people, or distrusting of other people to where you’re just short fused, right? And to think back so that you can start engaging and repenting and learning what part you had to play in that. Right. Like, what was it that maybe you experienced that wasn’t your fault? And that’s fine. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, but what did you experience that has impacted you or affected you? And I think that sometimes we have blind spots in our in our lives.

We do. And what is one of the things in your children that you really want them to have? Everybody really wants their children to be self-controlled. Yes, they want them to have an emotional self-control. And why do we, as parents, sometimes create a validation for the times when we lose self-control and call it okay, right. And that’s sometimes when we go, well, I get anger, but it’s because these things are happening or it’s because this is happening. It’s because, okay, can we just call it what it is? Which is you are losing emotional self-control in front of your children, who you are hoping and trying to get to mature and have self-control? Yeah. Is there a problem there?

Totally, 100%. There’s a problem, but it’s a human problem that every human struggles with at different points in their life because nobody’s perfect. And, you know, it’s interesting, I’ve heard a lot of people mention over the years righteous anger and and referring to, oh, well, God gets angry and different things. Well, yeah, that’s true. But the Bible does say, and we’ll look at this in your anger. Do not sing or be angry and do not sin. We’re going to look at that scripture here in a second. But here’s the deal on our parenting podcast. You know, we know that there are probably lots of listeners who are believers. There may even be some that aren’t believers. But I’m just for today’s podcast episode, I’m going to agree with Scripture here in Ephesians chapter four, verse 16 is where I’m going to start. And it says, assuming that you have heard about him, who are we talking about? Jesus. Assuming that you have heard about Jesus and were taught in him as the truth is in Jesus. Verse 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former man of life, and is corrupt through deceitful desires. Verse 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds. See, because that’s what happens to us when we are trained in the truth of Jesus, when we are taught in who he is, which we learn.

The teaching comes from the Bible. So simply learning about Jesus comes from reading His Word. It can come many other ways too. Listening to sermons. Participating in church. Being mentored by Titus two. Mentor in your life. There are a few ways that you can be taught in Jesus. Um, but if you have a Bible, this is God’s word. It’s him teaching you. Right? So here we see him saying to put off your old self. That is a choice. That’s an action word right there. It’s a verb to put off. It’s something that we have a responsibility to do. It’s not something that is happening to us and we’re just waiting for it to happen. It’s literally saying, put off your old self, which belongs to your former way of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires. And so maybe we start there and just ask, like, what are the things that you need to put off that maybe are making you struggle with anger or are tempting you to fall into the sin that you are experiencing when you are frustrated or angry. Right? And, you know, maybe in some cases that means that you need to have some healthy boundaries with people who trigger you. Maybe, right, maybe, um, in other circumstances, or in other words, not circumstances. I think that it’s also important to look at life from the perspective of God has put people in your life to sharpen you, to train you in righteousness.

And yeah, sometimes there are people in our life. We don’t we don’t get to pick family, for example. Right? Like as as we’ve built and planted churches, one thing that God has really impressed on my heart is you don’t get to pick who’s in the body of Christ. God does that. He’s the one who calls people. He’s the one that chooses. He calls people by the power of his Holy Spirit. And so when it comes to family, which is image bearing of the family, God again, he does that. You don’t get to pick in that sense. But so when you have a biblical perspective and you know that that you are alive and chosen for a reason and that God has gifted you with, with gifts and your member of a family of a body just like it talks about in first Corinthians. And in Ephesians. We know that there’s a purpose in it. And yeah, part of that purpose is that we have to grow. And sometimes we deal with people who are hard to love, and that makes us a better person, because we grow in one of the things, the character, qualities and virtues that is in Scripture called long suffering. Long suffering is long, right? And it’s a hard thing.

It is.

And so we want to get into why this happens, how to help prevent it, and some practical tips for you, including how to handle discipline. And so it’s so important that we talk about these things because we don’t want the old legacy to come through. We want a new legacy.

Exactly.

So that old legacy, whatever you were raised with, the Scripture is saying, hey, put it off. Yeah, put it off. It’s a choice. And then it says in verse 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. So there’s another thing that we are responsible for doing, choosing to put on.

Right? Yeah, it’s an action item.

You got to do that every day, don’t we? We got to be in our word. How can you possibly put it on if you’re not in God’s word, it’d be so hard.

Verse 25 just continues. It says, therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak. So here’s another action speak and saying, speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are all members of one another. Here we are again, members of one another. You don’t get to have the excuse and be like, oh, you trigger me. Well, okay, oh, you trigger me. But at the same time it’s like, do you have any kind of responsibility for being triggered? Right? Like, I could easily say my kids trigger me if they’re interrupting me over and over again.

It’s their fault. It’s their fault that.

I lost self-control.

That’s not okay to use that as an excuse. Actually, we’re all members of one another. Do you need to dig in and engage your children and give them some attention, and teach them the importance of not interrupting, and be patient in the process of them learning what it means to be more selfless and not be so selfish and be constantly going, mom, mom, mom, Mom! Mom. Do you get the point? Like, we all have been there. When you look at families, especially when you go to church, right now, we’re loving church. We have.

Kids sitting in.

Church. Okay. And some kids are. There are times where they struggle. Sometimes my littlest struggles, sometimes my six year old is, like, distracted. And he wants to color. And I’m like, no, no, no, get your Bible out. You’re old enough to sit with your Bible and listen to daddy preach. And here’s the deal. They’re all all the kids in the church are on a different spectrum of where they’re at with understanding the importance of being respectful and paying attention and participating and learning. They’re all in there in different seasons of understanding what that looks like. And parents are in different on a different journey, too. Some are more used to it because they’ve been doing it a while, and some are learning for the first time what it’s like to have their kids sitting in church. And it takes patience to teach and to consistently train and to be faithful in that. It takes patience and it’s trying on parents sometimes. But does that mean that you just go, oh, you trigger me? Goodbye. You don’t do that as a parent. So why would you do that in any other relationship in your family? Now, all I’m saying here is that we need to stop this. There is. It seems like there’s a trend in society. And I think that if there was, like, one unprecedented times tip, I’m just gonna I’m gonna put it in a little earlier, Isaac. Because one of the things that I see is there’s a lot of gaslighting of parents that happen out there in the world today.

Young kids blame shifting, entitled, not taking responsibility for their own actions and their own choices in life and then blaming their parents. As for why they’re struggling with what they’re struggling with. That’s lame. Like you own it. You are a sinner and you need to grow up, right? And so when you when you see people going, oh, nope, they’re they used the word toxic, right. And they, they, they’ll cut off people because they’re toxic. They’re not helping me be the best thing I can be. I can be right. It’s like, no, actually, if you viewed them the way the Bible tells you to view them, you would recognize that if you’re so great, then you have a lot to give to that person. But the truth is, is maybe you’re not so great because you’re willing to cut them off. Like there’s the message, right? And so when I see memes about toxicity or cutting people off or like extremism in this, I think to myself, wow, those people are literally never going to grow. They’re not going to grow in forgiveness. They’re not going to grow in long suffering forbearance, what it means to have compassion with other people. And in the end of the day, if that becomes a habit, they’re going to be very lonely later in life because they’re not going to have anybody.

So diving in, one of the things that Angie and I were talking about in preparation for this is do children have the proper attention that they naturally desire from their parents. And when they’re filled up relationally, it’s easier for them to behave, to be well orientated. And there’s lots of things that can happen with that. And so it’s good to look at your schedule, good to reflect on the last week or two and go, wow, how much time is actually just with our kids without doing something in tow with us to do our agenda? And is is some of the agenda their agenda, at least some of it? You know, we’re the leaders. We’re causing things to happen. We’re busy for sure. All the things going on.

You don’t want to have a child centric home. That’s not what you’re saying.

Not at all. But is there at least some where you’ve made the agenda about spending time with them, about doing things with them, about showing how much you love them? And are they getting at least filled up? That’s at least important to check, because if that doesn’t happen and you’re so busy, then the children will start acting up. And then they’re also, every time they need something, they’re disrupting your agenda and what you have on your action list and what you’re doing. And that could cause frustration and anger in you.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s a good question to ask, right? I think that for a lot of people who struggle with anger in their home or they think that, oh, I’m getting provoked, right. Like, we see that scripture in Colossians 321. You see it again in Ephesians six four where it says, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, lest they become discouraged. And another one says, do not provoke your children to anger, right? And so there’s warnings for parents on not provoking their children. And we’ve done an entire podcast that’s actually titled Ways Parents Provoke Their Children. You’ve got to go listen to that podcast episode in addition to the other one on anger, because all three of these go together in tow. Because here’s the deal. As parents attitude reflects leadership. And so parents don’t get to go, I’m angry because you did this to the six year old. Like that’s just not. No. Sorry. You’re the leader. Own it. Rise up. Be the parent. Be the one that’s more spiritually mature and recognize. Okay, I need to grow in patience. Or I’m being tested right now. And how can I love this kid? But I think that you brought up something that’s a really important question that we want to highlight today, which is if you are getting triggered or provoked by your children, or that’s been a thought that’s in your mind because you’re sitting there going, Angie, you’re not in my home. You don’t know how many times my kids are yelling or how many times they’re fighting with each other, or how many times they’re interrupting me, or how many times, I mean, I could list probably 20 things that you might use as an example for why your kids trigger you to be angry. Okay, I know I’ve had nine kids. My kids are human. We’re all sinners. So I’ve been in those.

Situations and you get angry sometimes. And there have been I get angry sometimes.

There have been times where you get angry, but then you you look back and you go, but why? And so then you and I talk usually. And this is a really good lesson for you guys. Like you don’t have to do what we do exactly verbatim. But here’s a really good question that I would encourage every young couple to do to say, hey, I’m having a really hard time with this kid during the day. Isaac. Like, this would be a conversation. I’m having a hard time. This kid is emotional. Let’s just say that like, this happened recently where one kid was more emotional than normal. And Isaac and I had a discussion about it today, and I really can pinpoint we have been too busy. I and you have been too busy to where we don’t have the same devoted one on one time that we were having with him, and that he may not even know that that’s what it is. No, it’s purely because during the holidays you have more guests. You have people stopping in, coming to visit. We just had a family visiting for a week. And so like you just get busy. There’s lots of people to talk to, which means you’re not having that one on one time. And I think that that kid, especially every kid is wired differently. But I know that that kid is wired to really, he thrives better when he has that personal connection time with mom and dad. So here’s the deal. Are your kids acting out because they’re not getting enough attention? Like they’re the only attention they are getting is when you’re commanding them to do something, or you’re asking them to do a chore or, you know, or you’re handing them their.

Lunch, or it’s.

At it’s at bedtime, you finally give them that attention, but they’re going to.

Sleep, but they’re about.

To go to sleep. Right. And so and if they’re not getting that attention, I’m going to just say something hard. They may not be feeling loved. Bring the joy of music into your home in 2025 with a music Academy song based by ear method. Instead of learning music in isolation, Voorburg music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, if you use my code courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin or ukulele for less than $40 a month. Yep. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child. He’ll take lessons. And on top of that, the Vote Berg method provides community and accountability, performance opportunities, seasonal challenges like the six songs of Summer, live feedback from their instructor, and printables to help them stay on track. The Vote Berg method approaches music differently, and instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills at first, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so they can’t wait to sit down to practice with. By ear training and song based learning, students see immediate results and what makes it even better. They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the Vote Berg methods ring system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep. So use my code courageous and get 20% off every month your family is enrolled and learn music in a way that sticks.

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Mhm.

Right. So if they’re strong in the Lord they’re going to react differently than someone who’s not strong in the Lord. So the attention that you’re giving your kids also needs to be, um, purposefully investing in them. It’s not just sitting with them, although this is important. Sitting with them, making eye contact, saying I love you every day, giving a hug. Those are things our kids need. Yeah. But they also need purposeful teaching. And so after you’ve put away falsehood and then you’re speaking truth, understanding your members of one another, here’s verse 26. It says, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down in your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.

What’s interesting about that? It says, be angry. And the reason is because we all get angry. It’s a human emotion, right? Inside, we’re going to have moments where we do get angry, but it’s what we do about that which determines the outcome. It says, do not sin when you’re angry. So when you feel angry. We’re supposed to shift gears, have emotional self-control, and sometimes the tip is to remove yourself from the situation for a moment to cool down so you do not sin. Sometimes it’s to say a prayer quietly, to have the Lord help you so you do not sin with what you do.

Mommy! Time out!

I had a mommy time out many times where I just go in the bathroom and I shut the door and I’ll even have a kid follow me. And I’m like, nope, I just need some time. Going to the bathroom just a minute. You know, because you have to be honest about who you are and and with yourself and discipline yourself. Because here’s the deal if you don’t discipline yourself, God is going to discipline you because he loves you. And that’s not righteous. Like how you would act in the flesh would not be righteous. And we want to be operating in the spirit. Verse 29. Here’s some of the ways that people react when they’re in sin. And so this is another declarative sentence where God is commanding us not to do something. He’s saying, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. So that’s pretty bold, right? So this is like two verses after be angry and do not sin.

So corrupting words come out of your mouth so that what is corrupting, corrupting is when you do something and it makes something else worse. So let me ask you this question. When you are angry and you say something to your kids, what happens next? Does it make things.

Better or worse?

Ooh that’s good.

And sometimes you’re like, oh, it’s better they do what I say. Finally okay. Is it doing something better in their heart and your relationship with them or something worse? Because compliance is one thing. But what really matters is the heart.

Yeah.

And over time, if this happens over and over and over again, you just get compliance. And that’s not what we want. Yes, we want our kids to obey us. The children we don’t. We’re not to provoke our kids, and the children are to obey your parents in the Lord. For this is right. So you can live long in the land and prosper as the last part that you want to make sure you tell your kids. But, um, you know, they do need to obey us, but when they don’t, we still need to be adults.

Yes, exactly. So I think that that’s one of the I just you said you still need to be adults, and I said it a little earlier, but I think that that’s something that is a problem today more than ever. I think that there’s a whole lot of people out there who are parenting, who are not willing to be adults, like to be the adult. There’s too much entitlement and blame shifting happening. And if it happens in any area of your life, you’re literally not adulting. You’re not taking ownership. And so let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. But here’s the positive. But only such is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. So if we think about when we’re in a situation where we may have anger, this is what God’s telling us to do. He’s saying don’t have corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as good for building up its. Again, this contrast of life and death come from the tongue and understanding that you can literally. If life and death come from the tongue, then you’re either building up your relationship or you’re tearing it down. Which also reminds me, this is a warning to moms in Proverbs 31. I think it’s verse 26. It says, or no, it’s actually Proverbs 14 one that says, A wise woman builds her house and with her own hands tears it down. There’s the house is metaphorical to the the family in the house. It’s not that a woman’s necessarily out there literally pounding nails and building her home. Although we do decorate and we do build our home, it’s more that you’re building your home with the eternal things. Like all throughout Scripture, we see God caring about humans, not about possessions, over and over and over again.

So when God’s saying a wise woman builds her home, he’s talking about the family that you’re building, the household that you’re building. So if she’s tearing down the relationships in her household with her own hands, maybe it’s that she’s too busy being OCD, cleaning too much, and not spending time one on one with her kids, and therefore she’s not going to have a relationship. Maybe because she’s doing that she’s angry and she’s tired and exhausted, and she’s using that as an excuse to just be cranky. I’ll be honest with you, when you’re in a situation where you are serving, serving, serving, no matter how much you preach to yourself, have a good heart attitude, there will come a time if you just keep going and going and going where you’re going to become weary. You’re going to become tired. You may even have some hangry going on with the low blood sugar. And if you start sensing and this I’m preaching to myself out there for any ladies that are listening, I’m preaching to myself. One of my goals this year. I’m going to share it here with you guys. I already told you one of my words is to marvel and things and to be. I’m inspired by my littlest kids and my grandkids to marvel, to be wowed by the little things. But part of that that’s not even going to happen unless I slow down. And so slowing down and being willing to not have to have things always be clean and things like that, which I thought I had already learned. But I’ve been working way too hard. And when I work too hard, I get tired and I am relationally not the same person when I’m too tired.

Yeah, you got.

To take care of yourself. Even just with this concussion I had. I’m through it now, mostly. And praise the Lord. Thanks for everybody’s prayers. But when I had it, I found myself being shorter with people getting angry inside, quicker in these kinds of things. And while that was something that happened to me, it still reminds me of like, wow, we really got to take care of ourselves, got to get enough sleep, drink enough water, exercise, be in the word, all of these things because it enables us to be equipped to lead and to be refreshed and so.

Forth, and to be the light, right? Like, how much of.

A light are you being or how much of a leader are you being if you’re cranky with your kids?

Yeah, I apologize a lot. This last week it seemed like and probably needed to more than I even did. And it was just an interesting experience. But yeah, we have to do that. There’s you mentioned something. There’s like the performance on this side. It’s like it’s it’s it’s relationship via performance. Like the kids get attention from you when there’s good performance. And then there’s there’s also the homes where there’s rebellion, where rebellion is allowed to exist, where parents say words but don’t follow through. So they’re empty and their words become increasingly empty. And there’s increasing rebellion in the home. There’s a lack of discipline, follow through, marriage, alignment, and these things. So you have rebellion on one side and you have performance based relationship on the other side. Those are the two ditches. And then the road is the relationship road. And we want to have true good relationships, and we want to point our kids to relationship with Jesus and caring about what God thinks in these dynamics. And so let’s move into making sure the importance that you do have a good plan of correcting your children, that your marriage is aligned on.

Well, that’s.

A big deal, is if there’s not marriage alignment, then it’s going to be hard to be consistent. It’s actually if there isn’t marriage alignment, it’s impossible to be consistent. Actually, that’s a more true statement because if one parent disciplines differently than the other, there’s zero consistency. There’s two different things happening. That’s not consistency. So you need to be in alignment. On if a child does A then the consequences be like it needs to be clear. Like as parents, I think that, you know, in Scripture we see verses like Proverbs 22, right, that says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Here’s the deal a lot of parents don’t take the time to teach their kids what the expectations are.

Yeah, they don’t.

Say son hitting is.

Sinful.

Mhm. If you hit then this will be the consequence. And then the parents are in alignment, both mom and dad. And if the child hits regardless of who is on duty at that time.

There’s follow through.

There’s follow through, and it’s the exact same follow through. And the child learns their lesson and but but it doesn’t just stop there. Obviously, if you’ve gone through the courageous parenting program, you guys know that there’s so much more to this because it’s all about the child’s heart. It’s all about like discipline is all about the child’s heart. Discipline is all about reconciliation and restoring that child into right relationship with the ones they have sinned against. Who have they sinned against the person that they offended. So in that situation would have been the kid to hit, but then also.

God.

Because sin separates us from God. And so practicing this motion and going through the ten steps of biblical discipline that we teach in that fourth session in the Courageous Parenting program is incredibly important. It’s it’s it’s literally the biblical. It’s what does the Bible say? And what is the whole point of discipline in the first place?

And if that’s happening.

Well, there’s less temptation to get angry when you have a plan and you know your marriage is united on it. You know what you’re going to do. And when you know what you’re going to do, you don’t get so angry, I think. And it’s easier when you do get angry inside to shift to the plan you have in place. But if you don’t have a plan that you follow through on, or you believe works or these kinds of things, then you might just lose emotional self-control.

Yeah, and I think that there’s also a need to talk about grace when it comes to a plan, because as parents, you have to be flexible and different kids need different things also. And so that’s why it’s incredibly important that parents talk together, which you guys I know I already said something about the parenting program, but I cannot encourage you enough to join us for the Courageous Parenting program. We even have our live tomorrow night actually in the app. It’s it’s an hour long live where we’re going to be teaching and doing.

Q&a with people, leaving.

A new legacy. Now you’ll get the replay of that if you.

Join, if you’re.

Joining, right, because you get two free months in the Be Courageous app. And there’s all the other videos in there that we’ve done as well. So you get so much awesome biblical encouragement. But my point is, is when you’re going through that program, not only do you get the ten steps to Biblical discipline, but you get the session that’s before that. That’s the second session, all about the heart that really prepares a parent to understand, like, what is the purpose in parenting? And it’s about my child’s heart and it’s about relationship and this image bearing relationship between me and my child that also teaches them about the Lord. And taking that on and taking that to heart and being willing to invest in that and having the time. Here’s the deal. If you find yourself only giving attention to your child who’s being rebellious, and it’s in situations where you’re disciplining, there is a problem. And the problem might be that you’re not spending enough time with them when there’s not conflict happening in the relationship. And you need to build relationship because as parents, we should want our kids to obey us because they love us. Just like we obey God because we love God, right? And so there should be that mimicking that’s happening. But but when it comes back to train your child, it’s not just like based upon consequences. That’s not the that’s not what training is. Training is also teaching your children what God’s expectations are for what it means to live as a Christian. What does it mean? Yeah, sometimes it’s hard not to get angry. Sometimes it is hard. And so you teach your kids? Yeah. That’s hard. You can’t do that without Jesus. Let’s pray together and ask Jesus to help you. And so when you’re having those moments and you’re that’s training your child in righteousness.

Well, that’s.

Training them in the way they should go is you can’t do it alone. Let’s pray together.

And that’s our final point, is to disciple your children. Real discipleship, where the Bible is a regular daily part of the home, in the home atmosphere.

I want to share.

A really amazing personal testimony with you guys. The first 20 years Isaac and I were married, we primarily want the traditional health insurance route. Being entrepreneurs in those first 20 years, we had nine pregnancies, one loss, and eight babies birthed Earthside. Each time we were pregnant, we felt limited by our insurance coverage when making the decision on where we were going to have our babies. When looking into coverage for those births, home birth exclusions were a really big deal for us because of the risk of liability in case of an emergency. As we continued having babies later into life and being older, I was labeled geriatric. I was considered high risk, which made it even more difficult to find the care that I wanted with the assurance of support. Then, four years ago, we switched over to Samaritan Ministries, which is a health sharing organization. A few years into switching, we experienced another pregnancy loss and then we became pregnant for the 11th time, still desiring to have a home birth. We were so blessed and surprised to find out that all our needs were sharable within the organization, and that I could choose the provider I wanted, so we moved forward to have the home birth of our dreams. If you’re looking for an alternative option to being able to pay for medical expenses incurred in raising a family, and you desire the freedom to choose your own providers, including alternative providers like chiropractors and naturopaths, we want to encourage you to check out Samaritan Ministries at our link Samaritan ministries.org forward slash. Be courageous. In the video, we share how it works and answer a bunch of frequently asked questions. So check out our link at Samaritan ministries.org forward slash.

Be courageous.

You know Proverbs 14 chapter verse 29 says, whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. So a hasty temper actually exalts folly. That’s challenging. 15 one says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A harsh word stirs up anger. Even if you get compliance and you don’t see it, what are you stirring up in your hearts of your children, even if they go do what you ask them. Anger. Frustration. Relationship. Hurt. Is that what we want? And you can’t even tell what the accumulation of a parent’s anger is creating for the long term. But unfortunately, you see that fruit or lack of way down the road. And it’s a serious thing. You know, we can make mistakes and there’s grace and all these things. Maybe you could say a prayer and ask the Lord to forgive you. Maybe you need to talk to someone in your family to forgive you. And and maybe you need to get accountability from another, uh, guy in your church. Older guy or something. Maybe you need to get a, um. If it’s the wife, you need to get a help from a lady in your church.

Yeah.

You know, we were talking about, um, the how life and death come from the tongue and just the conversations that you have, and and I think that if you’re having conversations with your kids, number one, that’s a good thing. It’s just it’s a good thing if you’re having conversations with them. Remember, a gentle tongue is a tree of life. This is Proverbs 15 four. A gentle tongue is a tree of life. But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. And you don’t want to break your child’s spirit. And if you are angry as a parent, there’s a good chance you could break their spirit. And so be careful, be careful and follow the warnings that are in the Word of God. Remember, you have a choice to put off the old self. You can make a choice. Today I’m going to put off anger. I’m going to put on loving kindness and gentleness and self-control. That’s a choice that we have to make. But here’s the deal. We all need to take time to be in the word, to be reminded of these things. And when we’re not taking time to be in the word ourselves, being discipled by the Lord, we can’t disciple our kids. I know that for myself, if I’m not in the word, I forget you easily. Forget as a human. Not that you forget like I can quote scripture, blah blah blah. You know what you’re supposed to do. But in that moment when you read the word, I guarantee you that even me myself, just walking away from this podcast, having read these words that are in God’s Word, they penetrate us in a really supernatural kind of way. And when I walk out of here, my kids are going to be able to see the difference.

You know how I know that? Because I believe in the power of the Bible. I believe that the Holy Spirit is alive and active, that the word is good for teaching, for correction, for rebuke, for encouragement, for all of these things, because that’s what it says it is. It says so in in second Timothy. And so when we’re reading the Bible, the more we read, the more we become aware of what we are to do and aren’t to do, and the more we can start to make those wise choices and be the light that God calls us to. And here’s the thing the same is true for your kids. The same is true for your kids. So read the Bible to your kids. It’s not mommy and daddy’s rules. It’s God loves you so much. He wants a good life for you. He wants you to live long in the land that the Lord thy God has given thee. Like it says in Ephesians six. But there’s a part just before it that says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. That you may live long in the land, that the Lord thy God hath giveth thee. And so when you see that God has a plan, and he says, hey, this is a promise I have for you, but here’s your responsibility in it. We need to take that seriously as human beings, because if we don’t, and we aren’t honest about the reality that there’s a temptation to sin, there’s there’s a time where the devil is going to look for a foothold. We just read that in Ephesians chapter four. Do not give opportunity for the devil.

Yeah, he’s.

Looking for an opportunity because he doesn’t want your family to be strong. He doesn’t want your marriage to be aligned. He doesn’t want your children to rise up and praise Jesus and to be lights and to evangelize. He does not want that. And so when you recognize that he is on prowl, looking to see whom he can devour. Like we see in first Peter. Then you go. Okay, I’m gonna put on the armor of God. I’m going to teach my kids about the armor of God. We’re going to have our eyes wide open. We’re going to make mistakes, but then we’re going to go, wait a second. We’re not enemies, you and I, we’re a.

Team.

Honey. We’re a team. Let’s. Let’s not let the enemy have this. Let’s not let him win. We’re gonna win. And you have that same kind of talk with your kids where you’re like, no, I think he’s been winning here and we’re not going to let him win anymore. Okay, kids, you know, imagine a pep talk, family meeting where you go. You know, I’m not going to let the enemy win. That’s the enemy trying to put me in bondage to sin no more. The Bible says we can set that aside and put it off and put on the good things. And so this new year, we just want to encourage you guys to be intentional parents to leave a new legacy. It does not matter what you were raised with, the old can be thrown and burned in the pile with Jesus Christ. There is power for freedom in his name.

Thanks for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening. And being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.