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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

From Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

History.org join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey fellow courageous parents, welcome to the show. Hey guys, so glad you’re here. We’re always trying to think about what do people need. What are we hearing that people need and delivering that in the most raw, real, biblical way possible?

Yeah, I would say that this is this conversation that we’re going to have today is probably a synopsis of one of the most important questions that we get asked on a regular basis through the Courageous Parenting Podcast, as well as our parenting program that we have as well. And doing the Q and A’s, that’s it’s literally almost comes up every single time. Yeah. So we thought that we would do a three tips or three keys to handling, to handling influences in your kids lives. I mean, the best way to say this is extended family influences, because family is always going to be family, right? And so you want to have open dialogue, you want to have good relationships, but you also need to rise up as parents, understanding that you have a jurisdiction to parent your kids and to protect them, and to make sure that the people that are influencing them are influencing them in a biblical way.

So you and you may have really good extended family, godly people, but even then they might be a little bit far removed from parenting themselves. And the world changed a little bit. And there might be some things to talk about, or you might have some, okay, some things are good and some things are challenging. And then you might have, you know, really challenging situations. This episode will help all of you. And we’re excited to give you these three keys.

But before we do, we just want to say thank you for listening to the Courageous Parenting Podcast. We are getting close to our six year anniversary in just about a month. Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day and I was like, wow, can you believe how long we’ve been at it?

Never missed a week.

I know 300 and what, 300 and almost 320 20 episodes. Somewhere over there. Yeah. And so we have just been going, going, going. Isaac, you’ve been tremendous at helping us to stay faithful in every week. There were years where I had postpartum, you know, a time where I was having a break and Isaac would get on the podcast and he still would shoot it on his own or he’d interview somebody. It was really always turned out really great.

Through all the Covid weirdness and all everything. Yeah, we kept going. But it’s good. Consistency is a good thing. And I’m sure you have things you’re consistent with in your life. It’s important to pick a few things you never stop.

But I just want to highlight a couple of our, you know, some of our favorite ones for just a second, because those of you who maybe are new listeners don’t realize that you have 320 some episodes to choose from, and they’re all between half an hour and an hour long. As far as just biblical teaching on topics that are relevant to parenting today, um, everything from, you know, what are we teaching our kids in regards to obedience to authority, right. And when is it biblically? Um, okay. And reasonable that we would be disobedient to civil authorities. Right? That came out.

In 2020 that I’m sure you can think of.

Popular ones. Another was one of the most popular ones that you recall.

Oh, you know how to overcome becoming angry as a parent? Yeah, that’s.

Probably one of our most popular as well as I remember. Like the first few episodes are always like.

Strategic relocation, why we strategically relocated and, um, resources. And I think we give about eight reasons actually. Yeah. That we personally came up with why we moved.

Yeah. And then of course there’s, there’s different ones like 11 Reasons Why We Homeschool. That’s always been a very popular one, even back in my blogging days.

Of course, there’s you know.

Why we don’t do sleepovers?

Handling disobedience, handling whining, uh, disrespect all these kinds of things. Talking about.

If you’ve got a kid with a crushed spirit, even our story dealing with miscarriage and loss and lots.

Of marriage episodes. Really good Practical Marriage episodes as well.

Okay. So anyway, we just gave you a fire hose synopsis of a lot of episodes.

An easy way to find them. They’re all at courageous Parenting.com. You can get there by Be Courageous Ministry org, where all the resources are, but you can also Google or whatever browser you use. Courageous parenting in the topic and then it’ll come up. Mhm.

That’s right. Okay. So one of the things that I wanted to share with you guys right now with homeschooling, I’m realizing that, you know, not realizing I’ve known this for a long time, but this is something that I have to remind myself. So this is a little word of encouragement for homeschool moms for just a second. Um, homeschooling and schooling and education is not always just books. It’s not always just sitting and doing workbooks. You need to have a combination of hands on activities to make the things that you’re reading and learning in books come to life. Amen. Right. And so one of the things that we’ve loved. We’ve been doing master books this year as our main. I would say it’s our main curriculum because it’s the main thing that we’re using for most of the kids.

And have the kids been liking.

It, they so far, it’s been great. Yeah. Um, Eli, my my kindergartner is always eager to get his schoolwork out, if you know what I mean. So he likes to be big, and he’s the one that’s doing the full kindergarten curriculum through master books. And that’s been really great because he’s a very artistic, creative person. And so there’s been a lot of opportunities for him to be able to expand that into that world for him, which has been great. But having access to videos through Master Books Academy is also an option, especially as your kids get older and they’re doing those older curriculum options, which is really good because then they’re not just reading a book, but they’re also getting that dialogue. They’re listening. They’re if they’re visual or audio audio audible learners, then utilizing a curriculum that also has an opportunity to be able to have a teacher teaching them is a great tool. And so that’s one of the things that I’ve loved about it. And then putting it into practice this last week you voted with some of the kids.

Yeah, it was so good.

So they wanted to go with dad. And so that was awesome. I mean, I was even thinking about first time.

Voters with.

Me. That’s right. Our 19 year old and 18 year old were voting for the first time. And so and, you know, we have a couple other kids that have voted in a couple of elections. And so that’s really an exciting multi-generational legacy.

So where do they get the resources.

So go to master books.com/courageous. And you can find out what my favorite curriculums are there on that page. But then go ahead and research. One of the things I love about it is that you can take certain things and substitute them in each grade level, like if you don’t want to do the American history and you want to do a different one, you can choose to do a church history or a different history curriculum because they have many options. Same goes for science. You can plug and play on certain curriculums as the kids get older in grade level. So that’s been a real huge encouragement to me. So. Okay, let’s dive in. We want to start by just reading from Ephesians chapter 429. Um, because this last week in the heart of the home, um, I was talking to the women in the Bible study in our app about, um, training your lips and your mouth and, and and how death and life are come from the tongue, essentially. Right. And this one verse really stood out to me when you and I were preparing for today, because one of the most common questions that we’re going to be basically encouraging you guys through today is how do you have those hard conversations with extended family members or even really close friends in your life, whether you go to church with them and they’re in biblical community that you want to continue doing life with, right? But you need to have a hard conversation about maybe something they’re either doing or that’s something that they are exposing your kids to that you don’t want them to be exposed to.

And so that’s a hard conversation, right. Like we’re talking boundaries would be a conversation word, um, description of somewhat of what we’re talking about as well. But people can get offensive. Mhm. It can be hard to have those kinds of conversations with people. And we get that. That’s something that we’ve taught on a lot in the Courageous Parenting program. Um, actually is how, how do you have these hard conversations. And I just love, um, being able to encourage parents on something that’s really real. And right now, I would say in the last 4 or 5 years, a lot of parents have they’ve they’ve realized a different reality about the world. Right. And so one of the terms that I like to use often is taking the rose tinted glasses off. And as parents, we have to we have to be able to see the reality of the condition of the human heart, what’s going on in the world. And we need to parent and shift our parenting to be more bold and to understand that we’re going to be held accountable. So we’re going to talk about that today, too. Um, but here’s the deal. When you’re having those hard conversations, you want to be biblical about the conversation. So here’s Ephesians four, um, 29, which says, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.

And then it just continues on talking about not having bitterness or wrath or anger or slander. Be put. Having those be put away from you along with malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as in God. Christ forgave you. Okay, so I gave you an extra verse there. But, um, we want to be building up. So the goal of this kind of a conversation is obviously going to be to make your relationship with those people, um, stronger than it would be built up that hopefully they, um, do see the world the way you see the world. And they want to be helpful and supportive and parenting in a like minded way. And I’m not talking about co-parenting here. I’m talking about like, if you have friends who are parenting their own kids and you want to run the race with them, or if you have grandparents or aunts and uncles or even older siblings like we do, we have older siblings who’ve launched from the house, but we still are parenting little kids. And so, um, having to have those kinds of conversations where it’s like, no, this is not how we’re raising our kids, or we don’t want them doing this, or we don’t want them exposed to that or whatever. Like you have to be able to have these kinds of conversations.

So yeah, absolutely. So the first of the three keys is when you’re talking to somebody, you want to appreciate what is good, what can happen. A lot of times these kinds of conversations are prompted with, uh, I’ve had enough. Something needs to change. You’re upset about something that happened or something they’re exposed to, or some kind of, uh, you know, different, you know, usurping authority or something like that. And then you’re having a marriage conversation late into the night, and then you’re frustrated and that’s all you can think about. But let’s not forget all the good things that are about their influence, and those are things we want to focus on, not just the negatives. And sometimes we can develop a critical spirit when we’re agitated about one thing, and we can spiral and think about all these things and connect all these things. And maybe it’s just not all true. And so it’s really important that we remind ourselves, renew our mind and remind ourselves what is good about their influence and be able to talk about those. So if you’re ever going into a meeting, make sure there’s some good things you can talk about at the beginning, because that creates a space of relationship building. And that’s important.

Yeah. And then people don’t think that you’re only looking at what’s bad and overlooking the things that are good, because that could be hard for somebody if they were on the receiving end of the conversation. Right. And so treating people the way you would want to be treated, that’s just a common thing, right? Like I, you know, if someone had to confront me on something, I would hope that they would also be acknowledging of the good things that I’m doing as well, so that it just doesn’t feel like it’s attack, attack, attack.

Because what happens is they will get defensive. Why? Because they don’t know that, you know, there are good things, right? And you’re only saying bad things. So then they have a hard time hearing you because they’re like, yeah, but I did this thing or yeah, but I’m with you. I’m doing this.

Yeah. I mean, that’s one of the things when it comes to communication, good communicators and people who actually have like the best heart intentions for other people, they don’t just come at, well, you know, we love you, but we have this we see this problem, right? Instead, it needs to be, hey, listen, this is good and this is good, and this is good and this is good, but we’re really concerned about this. That would be a much better, healthier way to go about it, because the other person doesn’t necessarily know what’s in your heart and that you actually do appreciate anything, actually, unless you verbalized it. If they don’t know what’s in your heart and in your mind, then you need to communicate it. And so communication.

Is most situations intentions are actually good. They’re just maybe misapplied. And maybe you see things differently. Maybe you have a more biblical view of something and they don’t. But it doesn’t mean their intentions are bad. Now sometimes some of you there are people with bad intentions. I understand that that’s a whole different thing, but I think a lot of times intentions are good. They just might not be looking at things the same way. And so if we go in with some assuming virtue about their intentions, you’re going to have a far better posture in the way you communicate.

Mhm. Oh so good. Okay. So let’s move on to the next thing. The second thing after you’ve been appreciating them and appreciating the things that you’re thankful for and aware of that inner critic like you were saying and, and trying to create a relationship space for communication where they don’t feel like you’re just coming down on them. Right. Um, the reason why this is so important. I just want to wrap that up, is that it’s important that we as Christians are practicing that muscle of genuinely healthy, biblical like thankfulness. The Bible talks about it over and over and over again, and one of the things that is easy to do in relationships, especially people that you’re really familiar with, you say this all the time. Familiarity breeds contempt. And so you can take one another for granted, right? And just focus on the negative things. Instead, you need to actually focus on the things that are good, not overlook the. I mean, sometimes you are. It’s two mans glory to overlook an offense. So sometimes there are things you overlook. You don’t want to be nitpicky and have a critical spirit and expect perfection. But there is also this element of being able to talk about those things. But if you’re constantly only negative, your relationships aren’t going to be healthy. And so you need to evaluate yourself. This podcast episode is is more for the individual that’s listening than it is for anybody else. It’s important that as the parent that maybe is taking on the role of rising up and going, I need to be more serious about my protecting my kids, and I need to have some serious conversations with some people who are influencing my kids. And you’re like, yep, okay, I’m convicted about that first step. Evaluate your own heart. Make sure that you’re genuine in finding things to be appreciative for.

Hey, if sometimes people just have not, they haven’t been on your journey in the same way you know your journey. They don’t know how you’ve changed and maybe you’ve changed and other people around you haven’t in the same way, the same direction. And so you have to recognize that too. Your change might be gradual but consistent, and then you’re in a different place looking at things differently. God might have got a hold of you about something and convicted your heart, but there’s people out there with their heart hasn’t been convicted in the same way. Well, what did God have to do to get you there? Yeah.

You know, having long suffering with other people and and really it’s understanding. Yeah. Like living with people in an understanding way that they’re not exactly in the same spot as you. Yeah, but the next thing. So we have three tips in this episode, and we’re going to talk about the second tip right now, which is discussing your worldview. So after you’ve been appreciative and you’ve laid that foundation of like, yeah, I want to be able to have an open conversation where we’re able to like, acknowledge the things that are good, but also talk about some hard things. And so, you know, we want to just discuss with you guys about, you know, the reality of what’s happening in the world today. I’m sure you guys would agree. That’s a great statement. I’m sure you guys would agree.

So what she’s saying is always start with agreement. See if you’re going to have to share tough things with people. Find a common ground first of where you do agree. So there’s a basis point. There’s like this camaraderie that you can agree on something. And that point of agreement also influences what you’re about to talk about. This is just basic stuff. But it’s super important to remember. Sometimes we want to cut to it and we’re just like, if we’re in that there’s this critical spirit or we’re were agitated. We just we just start bumbling out these things and we didn’t really think through it, pray through it, and then it just comes across as judgmental. It comes across as a critical spirit. It comes across in a non-relational way or condescending even. The goal is that you can speak truth, that this deepens your relationship because of how you approach it. And I really think in most cases, how we approach it will determine whether we have a better, deeper relationship afterwards or a hurt relationship. Right. And so a lot of that. And so Romans 12 two, to help us to do that is this is such a good Scripture. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Is this the will of God that you talk to them? I mean, we got to check into that too, right?

Praying about if it’s the right timing or is this going to be overwhelming for them? Are they in a place in posture, in their own space where they could actually hear you write is your relationship. Have you invested in the relationship to where you can actually talk to them about the relationship?

The more you can talk about?

That’s right. But if you just come in and you’re like constantly correcting and you’re telling people what to do, it’s super unhealthy.

And nobody wants to hear your knowledge if there’s no relationship.

Totally. Yeah. So, you know, as we’re talking about discussing your worldview, this really and Isaac just read a passage, just a verse in Scripture about not being conformed to the world, but really as Christians, using the whole Bible as your your roadmap for how you assess and judge and discern the world. Right. And the church, as far as like making wise decisions as parents. Like you have to take the rose tinted glasses off and see reality, and sometimes that can be hard. But there are a lot of decisions that parents make over the years, right? Like they have to decide if they’re going to vaccinate or not. They have to decide what education choices they’re going to make. They have to decide what kind of food they’re going to feed their family, if they’re ever going to do fast food or not. They have like literally every day, there’s a million different decisions that parents make. And when you have other people that you’re running the race with and they’re doing something that’s totally different than you, that is fine. It’s just if there’s something that’s rubbing wrong, like, let’s say, education, for example, if their kids are being educated with things that you would consider worldly, even lies or things that are not, they are untruths and they’re actually teaching your kids things that you don’t want them to be taught that that could be contentious. And so you have to and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be friends with people who choose a different education choice.

That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, do you have a strong enough relationship with that family to be able to talk parent to parent with them about the fruit that you’re seeing and the things that you know and encourage them as iron sharpens iron. If you don’t have that iron sharpens iron in any relationship, that you are allowing those people to influence your kids, then they should not have a seat at the table or be on the the inner team, if you will. As far as raising your kids go and having influence, you have to be able to have that. Iron sharpens iron. I’m going to be able to talk to you about this kind of relationship. Otherwise they have to take a bench seat actually on the team. And so that’s I mean, you guys, I know this is hard to hear, but parenting is hard. And if you’re going to raise your kids with a firm biblical legacy in today’s world, you’re going to have a lot of hard decisions you’re going to have to make. And so, you know, you have to evaluate em. Are you walking with a humble posture? Also, in those relationships where iron sharpens iron, it’s not that sharpening is only happening one way. It’s going to come back at you. And so you have to be willing to receive it if you’re going to dish it.

I think a way you can talk about these things is you go, hey, I’m learning a lot, and I’m adjusting some things in, in our parenting and my parenting. And I just wanted to tell you why. Because and find agreement. Because I think you could agree. You know, the world’s changed in a lot of ways. The attack on children and attack on families is more overt. It’s more out in the open and direct with technology and all the pieces. There’s just a real big attack. And so I really believe it takes more intentionality to parent these days to keep our kids on a godly path and pointed to Jesus. And the influences have a big influence, and you’re really important influence in their lives. And so I wanted to have this discussion because my heart’s desire is that our influences are in alignment in the same direction.

Right. But what is that direction? So this is why this second key is so important, is that you’re going to talk about your worldview. You’re going to talk about what you want for your legacy and what you don’t want for your legacy. From a biblical perspective. So yeah, you’re going to talk about dating, for example, from a biblical perspective as best as you can, and you’re going to talk about school from a biblical perspective as best as you can, but with a humble heart of like, I’m still learning. Isaac and I have been parenting for 24.5 years, and we are still learning. And so there’s this element of like, do you have a teachable heart? Are you always in a heart posture of being willing to learn? If you are, you’re it’s much easier for people to listen to your advice and to listen to your concerns. If you have proven yourself to be one of those people and been an example to them of what it looks like to have a teachable heart, um. Proverbs 22 six is one of those verses that everybody’s super familiar with. It’s train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it. But what’s the way he should go? That’s the you have to decide what is the way he should go, right? Based upon the Bible, not extrabiblical things. And then discuss that like you’re going to decide. Let’s just talk about sleepovers for a brief second. You’re going to have to decide between you and your spouse. Are we going to do sleepovers as a family? And then you’re going to have that conversation with the grandparents, with the aunts and uncles, with the friends, and tell them if you decide not to.

This is part of why we created the Courageous Parenting program, because you have the Bible. And when Angie says that, make sure it’s biblical. Sometimes it can be hard to understand.

Like the Bible doesn’t say sleepover.

Yeah, it doesn’t have all these things. And so how do you apply biblical truth to the issues of today when we know we need to be more intentional? But what is that? And so we laid it out in ten hours of curriculum. It’s all self-paced. It’s got this blueprint, parenting blueprint. You even get a live with us where you can do Q&A in the app. You get the app free for a couple of months. It’s such an invaluable resource over 3000 parents have already embraced and it is changing, transforming their legacy. And so it is really important that, you know, it goes beyond just getting a little book or something like that. It is biblically based, practical insights. And literally we’re seeing legacies transform. So you can find out more about that at courageous Parenting.com. But such a good point.

Yeah. So when, when, when it says train up a child in the way he should go, you have to talk about like, what are the ways that you as a couple have decided. So that’s actually like you can’t even go into a conversation with extended family members or close families that you’re running the race with on this kind of topic necessarily, if you don’t have an answer for why you believe what you believe. So first step is, which we didn’t even talk about this. Like you should actually go on a date night with your spouse, or do a date night in after the kids are in bed and talk and prepare and plan and go, okay, so what are the things that we want to just we want to share with them, you know, like what? What is the way they should go that we believe and are in alignment on and have that prepared so that you can do this. Step two of the conversation. Absolutely. So what’s step three of the conversation? Okay. Let’s just take a moment from the podcast for a second, because I want to talk to you about a spiritual discipline of worship and leaving that legacy of worship. That was something that was super important to Isaac and I. But neither of us had musical skills, and so we paid thousands of dollars over the years to have our kids learn instruments from piano and guitar, violin to voice lessons. And I don’t regret any of it because they’re very capable. But there is a better, faster, cheaper way through Voorburg music Academy.com.

The Vote Burke method approaches music differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down to practice with. By ear training and song based learning, students see immediate results and learn technique, note reading, and theory in a context that will stick with them forever. And what makes it even better? They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep instead of learning music in an isolation boat. Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin or ukulele for less than $30 a month. That’s right. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, the vote method provides community with thousands of other like minded Christian families to celebrate with and learn from. Students are given accountability, performance opportunities, and live feedback from their instructor and printables to help them stay on track. Unlike traditional music lessons that students soon forget, the Music Academy creates lifelong lovers and players of music in just a few months. Use my code courageous to get 20% off. Every month your family is enrolled and learn music in a way that sticks. Now let’s get back to the podcast. Well, you got.

To know jurisdictions and in relationships. See, sometimes extended family need to know how their jurisdiction with in regards to your children is different than your jurisdiction with your children, right? You have a higher jurisdiction, a more important jurisdiction. You have the most important one. And so and other people need to respect that, but they also have a jurisdiction to based on their relationship with your children and being family and so forth. And we want to respect that, but we need others to respect our authority, authority, our parental authority that cannot be usurped, that cannot be manipulated in any way to manipulate the kids away from the parent’s authority. That’s right.

Or the parent’s wishes for how they’re being raised right. Like if you’re if you really want your kids to be pure, and you’re trying to protect their their eyes and their their minds from being led astray by wayward things that are on media, for example. And maybe you have a family member where they’re just not careful and they have cable on. And it’s just like all kinds of weird stuff is going up on the TV. And it’s concerning to you that is something worthy of having a meeting about. But you would want to go through this.

Or somebody influencing sleepovers when you’ve made a hard, fast rule that we’re not going to do.

That and that they know, see, that’s where it becomes a problem is if they know what your rule is and they keep bugging the kids and trying to push it, that right there, that that right there is undermining, undermining the parents authority. And that’s just not biblical. It’s actually anti scriptural. We’re going to read here from Deuteronomy chapter six. There’s actually quite a bit here that is important. I’m going to skip around a little bit because it’s a long chapter. It’s 25 verses. But in verse one it says now this is the commandment okay. So commandment. Listen up. This is the commandment, the statutes and rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them. So you have to do them okay, that you may do them in the land which you are going over to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God. Do you have fear of the Lord your God like? And then it goes on here in a second when it comes to fear of the Lord. Like do we as parents understand the jurisdiction that God has given us, that he is going to hold us accountable to how we parent our kids? That should create a healthy fear of the Lord. And we’re going to share some other verses here that should also, you know, if you haven’t had enough fear of the Lord in you, we’re going to share those. But it says that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son.

So we have multi-generations here. Um, and obviously Deuteronomy talks heavily about parents parenting their children. It doesn’t specifically say that the grandparents are parenting the children. It says that the parents are parenting the children, but it is clear that it’s passed down multigenerationally here. And so there should be this camaraderie. If there’s biblical like mindedness, that’s key. Has to be biblical like mindedness in order for there to be a passing on of God’s commandments from one son to the next son to the next son. Right. And so that is that is huge. It says, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you all the days of your life, and that your days may be long, and then it just continues on, and it talks about, um, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

It’s literally saying like all the time basically. Right. And so as parents, we’re to be doing it and teaching it all the time to our children. But then when we have grandchildren, we need to be that steady, stable patriarch and matriarch of the family in a sense that’s trustworthy and supporting the the kids when they have their kids. Yeah, right. Like that. You would be so biblical that your kids, when they have kids, would be able to just say, hey, will you watch the kids? We trust you. Yeah. You know, there’s there’s no worry that you’re going to teach them something wayward. There’s a complete trust in that. Right? And so you want to be living in a way where your kids trust you like that. Yeah, but you also want to be living in a way like that so that your kids learn it. But then this this does bring up the whole concept of grandparents, which if you flip back just one chapter in chapter five, verse 16, you have God literally commanding us. Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God has given you. But here’s the thing a lot of times people take that to an extreme, to where they disobey God in honoring their parents. And that’s not biblical.

Oh, there is a time to to.

To not obey parents.

Which is if parents are calling their children to disobey God. Right. Just like there’s a time to disobey the government if the government is calling Christians to disobey God, right?

Exactly. So obeying God the Father, he is the ultimate authority. He usurps every other authority that’s in your life. And so you always have to look back to that. Right. But you can also when, when you’re when you’re older, like we’re older and we have older parents, right. We don’t have to obey our parents. We honor them. Right. But not at the expense of obeying God.

There has to be a leave and cleave. And if you have extended family that are.

Talking bad about you.

Or too involved, still treating you like a child.

That you’re going to lose respect from your kids as they get older. It’s going to be very.

There’s a jurisdiction problem happening, and there hasn’t been a real leave and cleave, and that’s going to wreak havoc on your parenting.

But, you know, I think that when it comes to like understanding that as parents and grandparents, God has called us to this jurisdiction. Right? And this is this is the third part. I just want to remind you, this is the third part of the conversation that you need to have with people is that you’re sharing with them that your heart, that you know, you’re going to be held accountable by God for how you raise your kids and that you understand that that’s your responsibility, including who is influencing your children. That is true. And it’s also including who you allow and invite to have influence in your children’s lives, which is a big thing. Like you and I were just talking about how, you know, our boys played football this last season. It was really fun. And and the team analogy is actually perfect for this because you pick players as the coach, you pick players that are going to be best suited in different positions on the team, and you have your key players right based upon their skill, their the what you believe. They’re going to actually serve the team best in. Right? So you have your quarterback, you have your running backs, you have your tight ends, you have all these different positions. And then you have people that are on the sideline that sometimes get substituted in. So everybody has a different amount of time that they’re actually playing and the people.

On the sub line, so they’re not maybe as good. We’re not trusting them with as much play time. And that might be somebody where you’re trying to navigate where they’re at. And but you’re being careful that your kids aren’t confused or hurt or any way. And then there’s the ones that get a penalty and get kicked out of the game. And you know, that’s because and they don’t.

Get to play.

The next game was broken. Yes. You know, and there needs to be some mending and there needs to be trust rebuilt and these kinds of things. Right. And we need to take these things seriously. Family is extremely important. But you know, what’s most important is your children. In terms of family.

And who they become in the future. Which again goes back to point two. Like, what do you want for your legacy and what do you not want? Right? And so you have to be very clear there. And then you go into your jurisdiction understanding that this is your responsibility and that you if, you know, realizing like that, this is a big deal and saying, hey, we want your support, we do want your support, but it has to be this kind of support.

As parents, you get to say that actually. Yeah, you get to say, here’s how it needs to be as long as you can back it up biblically. As long as it’s good, it’s fruitful, it’s loving. You know, the loving thing to do for your children is to make sure they have good influences and make sure you’re only building people up that are aligning with the way you’re parenting biblically, right? If you build someone up that is pulling away and wayward and causing division in your family, with your children, your relationship with your children. That is not smart. Now we want our children to respect and love extended family, but not at the detriment of how they are being raised. And if somebody in extended family does something, says something, allows something that goes against what you’re doing in your home, guess what you have to do? You have to correct it with your children, even if it notches away the respect from your children to them a little bit. You don’t want to do that. That’s not the heart behind it, but you have a right and a duty to correct things. Omission creates agreement.

It endorses it.

It endorses it. And so now what’s happening over here that you’re secretly agitated by, because you’re not letting your children know that it is now becoming an endorsement from you, too?

That’s right. And so you have to be super careful about what you’re willing to overlook. But it does say in Scripture it’s as to man’s glory, to overlook an offense. So sometimes if there’s like a personal offense, you have to decide, am I going to overlook that or am I going to go, you know, Matthew 18 and go to my brother or my mom or whoever it is and confront the offense? Right. And that’s based upon if you’re growing, if it’s growing in a bitter, a bitter root in your heart, you absolutely have to go. Matthew 18 but recognizing that, again, you can’t just have this critical spirit of like where people are walking on eggshells. That’s completely unhealthy. But there is a couple warnings that we wanted to give you guys, whether you’re a parent or a grandparent or an older sibling, and you’re you have influence and you need to be careful with your influence and recognize that you have the ability to influence other people. Matthew 18 chapter chapter 18, verse six actually is a huge warning. It says, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck, and to be thrown, to be drowned in the depths of the sea. So that’s a huge, huge warning for us, understanding that we all influence little ones.

Right? So who’s influencing your little ones? Are they influencing them towards sin? Because the Bible is really clear about this, and I think that we need to understand our responsibility and that that is one accountability right there. There’s going to be a judgment for people who are influencing little ones. And so sharing that with the grandparents, sharing that with the aunts and uncle, whoever it is, the friends that you know, you recognize that they are also going to be held accountable by God and that it starts first with you holding them accountable. And if they don’t listen and go, hey, yeah, I get it. I’m so sorry, I won’t do that again, or I’ll support you guys and we won’t watch that show when they’re at my house or, you know, whatever it is. Like, maybe they have a complete supportive heart. That’s awesome. You won them over. But if they don’t, then you just you have to set a boundary there because it’s a matter of you are protecting your legacy that God has called you to. And there are warnings. So for a lot of people, that may be the first time they’ve ever heard that they’re going to be held accountable for how they influence little ones, but that’s a big deal. So Matthew 18 verse six.

You know, it’s interesting because, you know, let’s say you’re doing a great job and your children respect you. They usually obey you. Sometimes there’s some issues you’re working on that that’s kind of a constant thing when you’re parenting and they love you and things are good. But let’s say someone else, this outside voice that they love and respect dearly, they don’t see as often, speaks something a little differently, allows a little more challenging movies to be watched than you want, or something like that. And they know it’s wrong, or it’s at least not what you want. Well, you know what happens sometimes those outside influences for the short term can have a bigger impact on kids because they hear your voice all the time. So just be careful. Oh, but they don’t see him that often. I want it to be a great experience. Just remember that those touch points can have a magnified impact because they don’t hear that voice very often. And so they just stick to it. They just they just grab onto it. And that’s good for maybe grandparents to hear or siblings to hear, aunts and uncles that might be listening. Because you know what? You have a massive influence. And even if the parents are doing a great job, they hear from the parents all the time. And it’s not that that they become noise, it’s just that when they hear that outside influence, it means a lot. So parents, we need to be vigilant about what other people are speaking into our children.

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Yeah. James three one so good. Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

I think a lot of times people will not even recognize that, that playing a movie, for example, that is teaching something is them teaching something. Yeah, but it is because it’s how you’re living your life, which is what we get from them. It’s what we literally just read in Deuteronomy chapter six that you would walk, by the way, do these things right? So what we do in our life is modeling. It is teaching, and more is caught than taught verbally. We know that. That’s a very famous idiom. More is caught than taught. But at the same time, recognizing that we need to be purposeful in what we teach. But we need to not be hypocrites, but be actually walking what we believe. Um, you know, so as far as like grandparents go, like understanding that you have this role, that you are a teacher, actually, that you have wisdom, you have gray hair, you have this, um, that you’re in this season of your life where there should be honor, but you need to be living your life in a way that is respectable as well. And, you know, one of the things that’s super encouraging, you always share this verse on Mother’s Day. Isaac. Um, I’ve heard you preach on this many times. Yes, it’s in second Timothy one five. Eunice. That’s right. And I wanted to share it because this is an encouragement for the parents that when you have someone who loves the Lord and their heart is to be walking in the way. There is something powerful about that says, I’m reminded of your sincere faith.

So Paul’s talking to Timothy here. I’m reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. And now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. So there is a testimony here of a strong faith dwelling in the grandmother and the mother, and now in Timothy. And that is a beautiful testimony and encouragement to that. That goes in conjunction with the Scripture that you just read about. Not many of you should want to be teachers, my brother, unless you receive a stricter judgment, which is definitely applied to people who are teaching scripture. Um, even more so, like us doing this podcast, even like we have to, we have a fear and trembling understanding that there is a strong responsibility in that. But when you take all of Scripture and you take like even all these verses that we’ve been bringing up and there are so many more we could have shared with you guys today. But when you have this biblical mindset in your mind is constantly being renewed and transformed by the Word of God, and you’re recalling things. There are themes and truths that we know about God, that we know about how he wants us to live, that we can say we want this as part of our legacy. This is how we want to raise our kids. But it’s important that people communicate that with the grandparents, because the grandparents may or may not have been strong Christian parents. Right? And then if they’re far removed.

From having children at home, so they’re not thinking about all the same things. It’s not on their mind as much.

Well, maybe they need the reminder that it is their jurisdiction to have influence, but they need to be more careful with it because they’re going to be judged stricter. We can’t.

Expect people to know what we don’t tell.

Them exactly. Or, you know, but if you tell them, like, hey, did you know God? Like, I believe God placed you in this position of authority and influence for his glory, but you got to be careful with that influence. Yeah. Imagine if more grandparents heard that.

So here’s the unprecedented times tip. We always end with this, which is we are living in different times. I 100% believe that because of technology, the access to things and the enemy can use things in a greater, deeper, faster way to impact the next generation, distract parents, and create a busyness that was never supposed to be. That’s that’s unhealthy, frankly, because we’re constantly distracted by things. And so it’s so important that we don’t let anybody confuse our children. It’s so important that we understand we need to be more intentional than even previous generations of parents that were doing a good job. Even if you had great parents, there’s more intentional intentionality required today to do it right. We have to be courageous parents. It takes courage because we have to overcome fear to have hard conversations, but do it in a loving way, which doesn’t mean being weak about things. It doesn’t mean not saying things. That’s not what loving means. Loving means saying hard things in a way that someone’s willing to receive it because they can see your heart is for them, not against them. That’s what this is about. That’s what these three keys are about. And so if you want a legacy of faith, if you want a good legacy, if you want your parenting not to be usurped, if you want harmony in your relationships, especially with extended family, if you want alignment in parenting with other people that have influence, then you need to be the person that stands up and communicates effectively about the things that matter. And if you don’t, we can’t expect other people to even have an understanding and be on the same page because they’re not you.

That’s right. So, you know, I just want to recap the three points before we we end here. So when you’re trying to manage extended family friendship influences with your kids, there’s really no better way to put it. Um, there are three main things you’re gonna you’re gonna appreciate them. You’re going to be thankful. You’re going to spend time before you meet thinking of the things that you can bring up in the meeting that are going to help them to feel valued and loved. Because that’s an important thing that you as a and you need that actually you need that. The second thing would be discussing your worldview. You know, what does the Bible say? What is the ground? And finding common ground and finding common ground. Right. Are they agreeable or not? And actually during this session, that’s where you’re going to find out if they agree with you that the world is the way that it is or not. And if they don’t agree that it’s full of sin and that there’s this depravity of humanity and that it’s always been there, then hey, that’s a little red flag that maybe you can’t have them as the captain of the team, but instead they’re a sub that comes in like we were talking about later in the podcast. Right. And then the third thing is jurisdiction. Just talking to them about how incredibly important it is that you understand your responsibility. You understand that anyone who’s teaching your kids is going to be held to a stricter judgment. Any kids really, and then talking about wanting them to be a support and wanting to specific.

Areas that need to be talked.

About. Right. And and very clear about like what are the boundary lines? Like, you know, if if I’m doing something wrong as a parent, like, you know, sharing with your parents, I want to know, like, please do tell me, but don’t do it in front of my kids, because that would be disrespectful to me, you know what I mean? And like, so being able to have that back and forth, but at the same time, like recognizing that that privilege only goes to the people that you actually admire and have a biblical respect for.

Now there is a risk that you’re going to come across as self-righteous, and the way you diffuse that is humility. And humility breeds humility. So if you want a humble response and introspection on the other side, then you proactively come with a sincere heart and humility, even sharing some of your mistakes and what you’re learning and what you’ve come to where you are now. That is so, so important. The heart behind it is everything. Yep. Thanks for joining us. See you next time.

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