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CP Ep. 253 Audio.mp3

Hey, real quick, I’m sure you want your children to be good at following through and become adults someday that follow through with the things they start and have really strong character in that way. So God can use them and glorify, be glorified through their lives. I teach a framework of how to have a conversation with a child to go deeper and really help them see the importance and teach a lesson, use scripture and so forth. And then that framework can be used regarding any behavior that is off that you see trending with your children that you want to be improved. And then I use that to talk about an example of how to help a child become somebody that follows through and do that better next time. So I think you’re going to get a lot out of it. Enjoy. Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

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Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the podcast. I’m so glad you’re here. What an important topic. How to teach your children to follow through. But not only am I going to teach to that, I’m also going to give you the framework around how to have a deeper conversation about recurring challenges, behavior, character issues you see in your children that you can apply to other issues as you see them. I think sometimes as parents we get in a rhythm of communication and regular conversations that is yielding some fruit. But if we make some tweaks, make some adjustments, it can bear even more fruit. And that is the goal, right? And sometimes as leaders, if you’re a parent, you’re a leader. As leaders, we have to think about how our influence is going. And if we want change to happen, Of course, drawing in, praying to God most importantly. But we also can make changes that have a positive ripple effect in our families and make a really big difference. And so I pray and hope that this message, this information is super timely and super helpful to you. You might have noticed my beautiful bride, Angie, is not next to me. If you’re watching the video or if you’re listening, you haven’t heard her yet and you won’t get to hear her this time as she’s traveling with our olders.

And they had a great time, great experience. They’ll be back tonight. So I’m going solo today, but I think you’re going to get a lot out of it. And I so look forward to having Angie back next week with me. Okay. So by the way, part of this episode was inspired by me being with my youngest for for the last five days as a parent without my bride. And it’s been a fruitful experience. And mostly I was able to take a lot of time off, but still had to work a couple hours of day to get things in a little more. Some days a little less. But there was also all the farm work to do and then obviously making it fun and doing projects and going to the beach. I think we went to the beach, the river beach, you know, for times, a lot of stuff. So I just praise in the Lord. I have the energy to do it and I was able to continue with good energy throughout the whole thing. But I did realize some things sometimes when you get quantity time with your children, at least I can speak to this as a dad. This might relate even more to dads. I think moms get a lot of quantity time, but getting some quantity time was really helpful for me to see how I could better insert myself and help my children actually help them grow in strong character, help them overcome some hiccups they have in their behavior and so forth.

And so that’s been really fruitful. So some of the biggest challenges in parenting are disobedience, right? Disrespect, whining, you know, maybe there’s whining, laziness, lack of follow through, and you could probably keep listing something, but lack of follow through is what we’re going to talk about today. And really, those are character flaws that we all probably had at some point when we were children or maybe we’ve even been dealing with some of these as adults, too. And so while Jesus gave much adoration to children and they truly are a blessing, for example, let’s see what Jesus says about children, right? In Matthew 18, it says verse one and on it says, At that time the disciples came to Jesus saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And calling to him a child. He put him in the midst of them and said, Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Such a great verse. Also in Matthew 19 verse 14, verses we’ve heard, but very important to think about again. Then actually we start at 13. Then children were brought to him that he may lay his hands on them and pray.

The disciples rebuked the people. Can you imagine it? The leaders were rebuking the people for bringing children to Jesus. And here’s what Jesus says. But Jesus said, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them and went away. And of course, there’s many scriptures talking about children being a blessing and so forth. But also the Bible also says there’s folly is bound up in the heart of a child. So there’s a time for correction for sure. But we should also make more time for teaching through the challenge with their future in mind. Seeing these as opportunities to point them to Christ and to give them a vision for who they want to become. Following through is a very, very important characteristic of a person that is able in the future to glorify the father with their lives. So this is really, really important. So I’m going to walk you through a coach approach to following through. Of course, everyone has children at different ages, so you’re going to have to discern this. You may make adjustments, of course, using your own words and so forth. These ideas based on where your children are at. If you have, you know, just infants, infant right now, then this is for the future. But it’s so helpful to be thinking about and there’s other children probably in your lives where this will help you with.

But remember, they are so smart, right? You know this if you have children, you know this and usually understand more than we realize. Okay. So keep that in mind. All right. Here is the list of coaching conversation with a character issue with your children. How to do it. Here’s the gist of it. Okay. First thing you want to do is notice the trend. Okay, so what is the trend? Is it lying? Is it laziness? Is it lack of follow through disobedience? Notice the trend. What is the trend you’re seeing right when you have this conversation? So you first notice it and the next thing is get agreement that there is a problem by asking a question. It’s so important. Sometimes as parents, we just want to tell. But really, especially as our kids get older and older and older, we need to ask more questions. I find even asking questions a very young age is so important because when someone’s asked a question, it forces them to think, process and say something, and that’s when you really discover where somebody is actually at. We can be so assumptive as parents because we do know our children better than anybody else does. But sometimes that is not in our favor. We make assumptions based on our experience when they might be thinking something else, and when somebody is able to express themselves, they start to own things.

And what we want to have happen is them to start to own this trending bad behavior that’s happening. Okay? So get agreement that there is a problem by asking, what do you think about that? You just notice the trends and you ask, what do you think about that? Or what are your thoughts on this? Or do you see what I’m saying? Or what do you think about this, you know, these kinds of questions. And at that point, if they don’t, then you can reclarify the trends you’re seeing in more detail and to help them see it. The third thing is now teach them a lesson. A lot of times this gets missed, right? We want to teach them if there’s a repeating trend of behavior happening, we want to teach a valuable lesson in a very positive, forward moving way. What a rich opportunity. What a way to knit your hearts together and to teach them something. Maybe it becomes some of these things might become memorable moments that they remember forever that were pivotal for them. And you can do it right. So teach them the lesson. And the fourth thing is ask for their thoughts afterwards after you’ve taught them the lesson, how are you going to ever you’re going to teach it and and ask their thoughts. So what are your thoughts on that? And then wait.

Pause. Don’t feel the silence. Some children process a little slower because they think through everything before they say it. And other kids just it comes out freely and quickly. Right? So the next thing is share relevant scripture with them. Let’s not just make it our own words, but let’s point them to God in infallible truth that’s in the Bible and let them see us using the Bible as a resource with them. So that’s replicated in their futures when they are parents with their children and they do it with themselves. You’re showing the value of the Bible to bring it in in these most important conflict situations where you’re trying to coach your children to grow and become more and become truly who God made them to be. And and so we want to use the Bible, Right? Okay. And and then you want to point six is encourage how to think differently the next time. So don’t just leave it there. I want you now. It’s important now to have them think about, hey, the next time you feel this way, the next time you start to feel like being disobedient or the next time you feel like you don’t want to follow through or whatever it is. Here’s what I want you to think about. I want you to remember that scripture. Okay? So let’s read it again and maybe that becomes a memory verse. You do.

But remember that scripture and remember what we talked about. And you have a moment of choice right there to go and sin or to move forward in strength in the power of Christ, in you winning over your heart towards doing the right thing in that moment. Okay. And then share your commitment to help them and then pray over them. That’s beautiful, right? So notice the trend. Step one. Step two, get agreement that there is a problem by asking a question. Three Teach the lesson. However, you’re going to teach a lesson about it for ask for their thoughts. Five Share relevant Scripture. Encourage six. Encourage How to think differently the next time this happens and seven share your commitment to help them and pray over them. I gave you the seven steps to any situation and coaching them through it. Okay, so let’s talk about lack of follow through with this process real quick. Lack of follow through is a really big problem. I think it’s important sometimes we see our children not following through and then it happens again and again. But we need to think about the future. We need to think about no, we need to catch that, teach on that and help. Of them to overcome that because that is a character flaw. If it continues and repeats over time, it’s becoming ingrained in them. That’s going to be repeated over and over again. And the more they repeat it, the harder it is to move away from it.

And pretty soon it becomes part of them as they grow into adulthood. And we don’t want to raise adults, future adults that have a hard time following through that don’t persist. Let me ask you, is it going to be easier or harder for them in their futures? Likely, right. Being a Christian and standing firm in the faith and providing and all these things, You know what? Likely there’s going to be some challenges with that, maybe some unique challenges that we don’t even have today, or maybe we’re just starting to see the challenges of persecution and things like that, depending on where you live in the world, of course. And so I think it’s really important that we see the importance of these things that look minuscule in the moments with our kids, but that we want to coach them through this and inspiring forward moving way using Scripture I think is really positive. So first, notice the problem. So notice the recurring issue. So you might say to them, Hey, I’ve noticed that you start things and then you struggle to finish them. Here’s an example. Here’s another example where I ask you to do something and you’ll do it, but then you kind of drift off and you get distracted and you go in another direction and it doesn’t get completely done. It’s a halfway done job and you don’t want to be a halfway person in the way you do things, right? And so you’re kind of you’re noticing this recurring trend.

It’s not just one instance. You’ve seen this for a while and then you ask, secondly, you’re getting agreement about it. What do you think about that? By asking a question, There’s a great question. What do you think about that? And then you give them time to process and they might say something. Well, you know, you’re you’re right. Or they might start making excuses. That’s likely depending. Right? And you go, well, actually, you know, we don’t want to make excuses about this. Well, sometimes there’s reasons this is an over and over again a trending thing. And I’m talking to you because I love you and I care about you. And I don’t want this to become a habit that goes into your future because it could hurt your future in a big way. Right. And that goes into the third point, which is follow through is important today. The lesson, right? That would be the lesson about follow through. Why is follow through important? And I can think of that pretty quick if you think about it. Right. It’s essential to their future. Right? So following through is essential today. It’s essential for this family, for us all working as a team, but it’s also essential for your future in a really big way.

Your reputation. And what does reputation mean depending on their age? I’ll teach them what the word means. And what is your name mean? When people think about your name, what do they think about? Well, if you’re somebody that starts things and doesn’t finish and has a hard time following through on things, then your name is tarnished in a way. In a way, they’re thinking, Well, he’s not somebody I can count on. She’s not somebody that will get it done. And if that persists into your future, that’s going to be problematic in the the bigger things you do down the road. So your reputation is really important and it impacts relationships too. Reputation does. You want to be somebody that people can count on And that’s important in this family too, with your siblings and your sibling relationships and all these things, you see how I’m teaching a lesson? You’d be catered to the kid in the situation, but I’m just giving you an idea. It’s important for excelling in the future. What does excelling mean? It means someday you’re going to you’re going to have projects you’re doing. You’re going to be doing volunteering work you’ll be doing working, you’ll be providing. Okay. So excelling. It’s important to follow through in excelling when you’re married and when you have kids. All of these things. Right. Okay. And then differentiation. The truth is there’s a lot of people that don’t follow through in society.

And so when you do, it is differentiating. It is impressive, especially in your younger years and as a young adult, it’s going to help you make progress faster. It’s a really big thing and it’s vital. Right now you’re an important part of the team and here’s what happens when you don’t follow through. It disrupts the next thing that’s happening in our house, and it frustrates your siblings. It frustrates me, these kinds of things. And you want to be somebody that gets things done because you want to build good character. Over time. They might even you might even have to explain what character means, right? So many good words that you get to teach them as you dig in in a deep way. Now, what what I want to talk to you about is your reaction when things get hard. Because I have a feeling that might be why you don’t follow through. And I just want to teach you that most things in life have unforeseen circumstances and challenges that pop up, and perseverance, despite them is really, really important. And someone once said, Is Your Honor greater than your mood? I’ve read a lot of leadership books in my past when I was younger and a lot of different books and spiritual books too. And and so I just have these little quotes in my head and I know which ones are mine and which ones aren’t.

I just don’t always know who’s. They were. So someone said, Is Your Honor greater than your mood? Don’t know who it was, but that’s something I would say to my kids, Is Your Honor greater than how you feel? And I would further explain it. Sometimes we feel like not continuing, giving up, get distracted, but really just want to do something else. And so we don’t finish. And how we feel in the moment isn’t what we take action on. Our honor has to be bigger than that, that we committed to something, that we are going to started something and we’re finishers and we’re going to finish and follow through. You see that this is you’re teaching them a lesson. So another thing I’ve taught people in my children too, is your word is good as gold to others. Yes, that’s normal to teach. But to take that even further in more powerfully, I believe is your word is good as gold to yourself. And what I mean by that is when you say when you decide to do something. What is your track record for following through in finishing Despite obstacles? You want to build a strong identity with yourself that when you tell yourself you’re going to do something, you follow through. It doesn’t mean you don’t get help. If you need help, you get help, but you persist until you get it done.

Unless there’s some unique circumstances. Of course, sometimes we can’t get it all the way done right, but we always try our hardest to get it done. And is Your Honor, is is your word as good as gold? Yours to yourself? That is so important because a lot of people, they say they’re going to do something to themselves and they don’t do it. And then so what happens the next time when they say they’re going to do something, they don’t really believe themselves? I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already. Is the date Night one sheet. It is a beautiful document you can download that Will has some key questions on it for your date night to just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to courageous Parenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything at Courageous Parenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it. You can find out more at Courageous Parenting.com.

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We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

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Really, the most important person you need to believe is yourself. What would happen to your mindset and your ability to follow through on things if when you said and committed to something even without other people’s accountability, that you really felt inside the sensational need to get it done and to follow through, don’t we want our children to have that? We need to raise kids with that kind of mindset for the uncertain world that they’re going to be launching into. I really believe that. Okay. And so now so I’ve done the lesson, right? Give you kind of an idea of it, and then you ask them a question. So what are your thoughts about this? And they may add something really insightful. It’s really cool when that happens and I find it happens quite a bit. So they add something or they just agree or they go, Thank you or you know, these kinds of things. So now you kind of know where they’re at before moving forward. Sometimes we move forward so fast, we have busy schedule, our agenda gets disrupted, these kinds of things. That’s why quantity time sometimes that’s purposeful is important to kind of catch up on some of these deeper things or going out with one kid at a time. That kind of thing can be really helpful with this. So we asked our thoughts and now step five, we bring the scripture in. In this case, it’s Ecclesiastes seven through eight.

I love this one for following through. Let’s see, let’s see Ecclesiastes seven, verse eight, better is the end of a thing than its beginning. And the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Wow. So a lot of times people get excited in the beginning of something and Scripture says the better is the end of something. So how we feel and how and somebody’s getting started with something and then they drop it is not what the Bible says, right? And also being patient versus being pride, proud, proud or prideful is really, really important. Okay, So Ecclesiastes seven eight, that might be one if you you want to get down to use with your children. Maybe it’s a memorized verse. And certainly if you’re having this deep conversation, I’d encourage them to write it down or you could write it down for them. If they can’t read yet, maybe you could just work on it in a bedtime and read that scripture for a while to work the follow through muscle and to help them with that scripture. Okay, Step six. I’m following through here in this coaching conversation. So. The next time you feel like letting up. I want you to do 1 or 2 of these different things. First of all, ask for help. I’m here. Um, you know, there’s others here for you, so ask for help if you need it. If you’re struggling, even if you’re just like, I don’t want to, but I know I should.

I need some accountability. Some of the. The smartest thing you could do in life sometimes is to ask others for accountability. Ask others just to help you so someone else knows to spur you on. That can be really helpful. So ask for help. Say a prayer to the Lord that God would help you ask him for help. Don’t we want our children exercising that muscle when they run into an obstacle or they’re even not feeling like doing something? Lord, help me to have the right attitude, You know, just teaching them that principle when they get in the situation is the next time is so important. Remember how important it is to follow through. So the next time this happens, I want you to remember this conversation and remember how important it is to follow through all the things we talked about in your future and developing the right habits and these kinds of things. And if we don’t follow through, then it’s going to be easier not to follow through the next time and these kinds of things. Right. And have an understanding of how can I versus reasons why you can’t. So a lot of times, and I will say this because there are a lot of people that rationalize reasons why they can’t do things, whereas we want to be different. We want to be people that rationalize why we can do things and argue for the reasons why we can versus arguing for the reasons why we can’t, which is someone else’s quote, by the way.

I have no idea who. Okay, so we want to argue for reasons why we can and to help our kids understand that when they get in a snag. Okay. And finally, the point seven. I’m here to help you, right, telling them that God has big plans for you, but we have to cooperate. And it’s part of glorifying the father when we follow through with joy in our hearts, regardless of the difficulties. Right. So having some kind of just good wrap up and maybe praying together at the end. Okay. So we just went through the process. Here’s the here’s the gist of a coaching conversation. Again, you could do this for laziness, for behavior, for gossip, whatever the situation, lying, these different things, you first, you notice the trend. Second, you get agreement that there’s a problem. So you ask them a question to see if they agree. After you’ve talked about the problem that exists, if not, bring more detail in. Third, you teach them the lesson. You talk through it, right? Four Ask for their thoughts after you’ve taught them the lesson. And five share a relevant scripture about the challenge they’re experiencing. And six encourage them how to think differently the next time they come across this in their life path.

And seven share your commitment to help them and pray over them. So there you go. That’s something I have used. I just did this with my children after spending lots of time with them and there were some issues about getting things done and laziness and things like that. And I told them they aren’t lazy, but they’re being lazy. I think that’s important to distinguish because they’re stolypin’s aren’t lazy and a lot of times they’re not. But they’re being lazy, right? I’m not going to go through all this right now, but I’ve just went through this and so I wanted to teach it with everybody. It can be so easy to miss these opportunities. It just can, right? I realized recently that I was missing them. As I’ve been so busy, there’s been so much going on. We’ve been farming this summer. Of course, Angie and Drew do most of that, but I have some pieces to that. There’s the the mowing, there’s the fixing things, there’s the ministry, there’s church. There’s just so many things going on, relationships and so forth. So it’s been busy. And I just had my youngest children, like I said, and it was just really eye opening. It reminded me of what I usually do, which is once in a while I’ll have deeper conversations talking about the trends and these kinds of things and coaching them through it. And by the way, we had such a great time and I went deeper and my eyes were open to some character issues with some of my littles and I was able to work with them on it.

It was a good wake up call for sure. And a lot of times you see families get relaxed with their youngers. Have you seen that? Especially as families get bigger and bigger and bigger, the parents sometimes get more relaxed with the youngers as as the families get bigger. You know, Angie and I have been committed. We’ve seen we’ve felt that in us and we’ve tried to go the opposite direction and make sure we’re just as diligent as we were with the olders, of course, being hopefully more wise now and things like that. But it’s it’s really important to do that. We don’t want to let up on our intentionality with the younger kids, that’s for sure. Okay. So this is this is so important. We want our children to become people who follow through. Now, the question is, do you follow through? This is where it stings a little bit. You know, none of us are perfect in following through, but I have found it’s very important as a parent to only say yes when I know for sure I can follow through. Lord willing, of course. Right. But don’t use the Lord willing as an easy way out of getting out of things. Unique, rare occurrences where I can’t follow through.

Very rare. But mostly I follow through and I persevere. And I try to follow through really, really hard. But it also makes me more careful and what I say yes to and there’s a lot of maybes, there’s a lot of maybes and we’ll sees and things like that because and sometimes there’s yeses, but there’s the things that I really am committed to. Okay, that’s important. If you want your children to be people that follow through, that we follow through in our words do mean something to ourselves and to our children and other people as well. Okay. Do you follow through and holding your children accountable for their actions? Okay. How about holding them accountable to your expectations and when they don’t follow through, are you there for them to do this? If you have a deep conversation with them, you’re going to need to be there intentionally with them moving forward on it. Okay. As your children get older, you can have a deeper, deeper conversations with them, obviously. But too often parents stay in the same mode of quick correction with limited communication. What does that mean? Well, when they’re young, isn’t that kind of more how it is? Sometimes it’s a quick correction with less communication. I would say let’s work the communication. Muscle correction is important, but we also need to communicate and that’s important part of the process. How important is the character development of your children? Just think about that.

How important is it? How important is the character development of your children? It’s huge, right? It’s absolutely huge. Well, then why are we so hesitant to spend the time to really communicate with our children teaching valuable lessons and that anchor in the deeper reasons and motivation for them to grow and change. We can do it and we should do it. Perhaps we need to slow down, though. Perhaps quality time is hurting the next generation because it satisfies the parents minds. I’m doing my job, but it’s inadequate if there’s no good purposeful quantity time mixed in with good deeper communication happening. So let’s encourage our kids forward and let’s have those deeper conversations that are fruitful and are lasting. And let’s ask the Lord to help us to navigate how to talk about these lessons and to help our kids become children with strong character and adults with impenetrable character that won’t yield to evil and that they can have good ways of holding their thoughts captive, as the Bible tells us to do. And they have so much experience doing that that they follow through and they stop lying and they share and they become generous and they stop gossiping and they don’t become a gossip and they don’t become lazy and whatever else, and disobedient and these kinds of things. Right? Let’s work with our children when we see the trends.

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