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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey. Welcome, everybody.

Hey, guys.

This is another episode where we’re. Our attempt is to give you the absolute best wisdom we possibly can, biblically based. That’s what the Courageous Parenting Podcast is all about. We’re so thankful for everybody listening.

That’s right. So last week we did an awesome podcast episode where we focused on parenting kids 8 to 12 years old. And today we are going to do kind of a continuation, but it’s also a standalone podcast where we’re going to talk about three really important aspects of parenting kids this age.

And it’s such an important thing because this age, this season of parenting, when kids are 8 to 12 years old, is literally right before they’re going into their teenage years, and you have to have that amazing relationship with them where they feel comfortable talking to you about anything. And so that so we have three points for you. We’re going to talk about communication, some dynamics around that. We’re going to talk about discipleship and give you some practical information. And we’re going to talk about really how to equip your children to stand firm and be ready for, you know, being a little bit older and around peer influences and maybe a little, you know, maybe they’re off on their own more because they’re getting older and these kinds of things, how to stand up for themselves and for for God and what’s righteous. So anyways, uh, we so appreciate being part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Um, be courageous Ministry. Org all resources you can get to the podcast blog with show resources, all the scriptures and everything at Courageous Parenting.com. That’s also where you can find out information about the Parenting Mentor program as well. Um, and we invite you to join that. That is so important. We believe it’s essential for all Christian, intentional parents to go through that. And you always have access, forever access and so forth. So also the Be Courageous app with some exciting things going on in there.

Yeah, I mean, one of the fun things that I’ve been able to do is connect with the moms in the courageous mom group that’s in the app. It’s a group just for women. So when you join the Be Courageous app, we get you in that courageous Mom group, and we are going through a series that we are calling the heart of the home right now. And it’s been we had our first week. That was all about setting tone. Yeah. Um, this week we’re going to be talking about where our heart is at. You know, what’s really what’s.

Cool about it is it’s just moms, Christian moms, and big tech’s not looking in. And it’s just a there’s freedom in that. And I know people were asking you questions and asking each other questions. Yeah. Helping each other and a at the end.

So cool. So you know originally the live was just going to be like 15, 20 minutes. And then it ended up being like 45 minutes last week because of the Q&A time. And so this week we’re talking about love being in your home more. And I think that we can all use that encouragement I know I can.

So yeah. So join the Be Courageous app even if you’re just trying it out. It’s free for the first seven days in your app store. Be courageous. All right let’s dive in to communication okay.

So we’re talking about, you know, kids 8 to 12 years old. In this podcast we’re going to talk about communication, relationships. But before we do that I just wanted to give a little bit of perspective. In the Parenting Mentor program, we talk about launching Kids Courageous Kids for an Uncertain World. That’s kind of our tagline, right? Equipping courageous kids for an uncertain world. Um, you know, how do we, as parents take note of how many years we have with our kids and how do we manage our days in a way where we’re being intentional parents, purposefully equipping our kids so that they’re ready to launch from our homes? Ready, as ready as possible, right? Like that’s what we all really desire. So now let’s take it back to those middle years or pre-adolescent years, as some call it, and realize that we have a certain amount of years with them where they’re this age, and that really prepares them for the years when they’re teenagers. So when we look at our relationships and our communication and teaching our kids communication, recognizing that this is the time that sets the stage, if you will, this is the equipping stage for the next stage of their life, which is the teen years. Yeah. So I actually did a little bit of math because I love math and I just love knowing numbers and it gives me perspective. And did you know that there are 1465 days of the pre-adolescent years, 8 to 12 years old? So you have 1465 days to prepare your kids for the 2555 days of the teenage years.

That puts in.

Perspective pretty.

Important. I love the intensity of that. You know, you’re not gonna you’re not gonna listen to Courageous Parenting podcast and not get some intensity. So I’m just it’s just the way it is. And this is kind of we’re just being ourselves 100% of the time. Um, what you see is who we are. And people validate that in our lives all the time that listen to the podcast also. So I think that, uh, it’s important, you know, to build that communication with your kids, that communication. What is communication? Well, it’s. It’s communicating words, but it’s also the nonverbal communication. It’s also the silent expectations is communication too. And are they living? Are they are they living up to expectations just because they want to please you or because they love God? You know, this is the age where they’re cultivating their own deeper relationship with the Lord. We hope. Right. And and that’s the hope. And so we want to point them to Christ. But also we are those people in their lives that are there to catch their doubt, to catch their insecurities, their fears.

To get them to ask questions and.

Then to catch them.

Notice things.

So that we can communicate biblical truth about them so that we can be encouragers, so we can fan their flames so we can make them feel comfortable talking to us about those things. The question is, are your children comfortable talking to you about their sin? I don’t think anybody’s comfortable talking about their sin, so they probably aren’t. I mean, no, kids are naturally comfortable talking about that. So we have to.

Most adults.

Build the kind of relationship with them. And I think first, it’s humility on the parents side opens up great communication of talking about your failures, your mistakes, and how God has redeemed that and and come through and how that’s why we need Jesus, because we do sin. And so you’re going to wrestle with things sometimes you’re going to have some hiccups along the road. And I just want you to know, when you confess those things to me, it enables me to know what to pray for and enables me to know how to help you.

And yeah, and I think that kids this age 8 to 12, they’re just coming out of those like early years, the first eight years, right where you’re, you’re, uh, style of parenting is going to transition slightly, just like it transitions again when you’re going into the teenage years. Right. And so the kids are just coming out of those first eight years where when they sin, parents see the sin because it’s like usually very outward. They’re lacking emotional self control or they’re outward with their sin. It’s like a visible thing. You see the little toddler hit the other kid, right? Like they it’s very obvious. And so then there’s correction of sin. There’s discipline that takes place. Um, and of course there’s heart conversations, but they get longer conversations. They’re able to go deeper as the kid gets older and understands more. That just makes logical sense, right? Like obviously you’re going to have a deeper conversation with your teenager than you are with your two year old. And so, um, recognizing that these kids though age eight ish, you know, it’s not necessarily like the minute they turn eight, you know, it could be seven or, you know, but the point is, is they’re coming out of that age grouping, that category of kids that are are smaller in their sin is more, um, outward in appearance where there starts to be.

Um, and I’m not saying there aren’t heart issues when they’re little. There are. It’s just harder to really detect them and have those deep conversations with the three year old that’s, you know, talking and and things like that. But with the eight year old, you’re starting to shift in your and transition in your parenting with your communication style. Right? Because you want your kids to be searching their own heart and sharing with you the things that are deeper within them that maybe aren’t so outward as they were when they were little. Like you may see that the eight year old or the nine year old mad at the younger sibling for breaking something but not know that there’s like real animosity in their heart towards their sibling because of a reoccurrence that’s happening in them feeling like they’re communicating with that kid, and that kid isn’t respecting their things or whatever, right? They start to start noticing, oh, I don’t have respect from my sibling, or they annoy me in this way. Or, you know, there’s just a different there’s a maturity that’s happening with your kids. And so because of that, as parents, we need to acknowledge that growth in our kids, that maturity and and be able to have better conversations in the way we communicate with our kids.

You’re growing a deeper friendship with them. You’re always still the parent, but you are developing a deeper friendship in the way that you’re growing and becoming their coach versus the micromanaging, managing parent that prevents everything and catches everything. Like you were talking.

About keeping it safe and secure.

So they need to experience making their own decisions. They’re going to go out without you sometimes potentially in these years. Right. And they come back. And the question is, do they tell you all the things that happened or are they just rosy? Oh, they only tell you the positive things and things like that. That’s a sign. If they come back after being somewhere doing things, and they only share good things 100% of the time, and then you know for sure they’re not sharing maybe the challenges or the situation they had to deal with with a peer or, you know, what the peer was talking about that was off the rails and these kinds of things. And if you don’t have that going on, that open communication, then. You’re not able to coach them on situational leadership. They if they’re going to influence and stand firm in those situations, that’s leadership. Leadership is just influence, okay? And they’re not going to feel confident in leading if they don’t have a coach coaching them in those situations. So you’re becoming the coach. So in these years you’re you’re nourishing that going into the teenage years where you need to start becoming more of a coach. The problem is most in most families, there’s so much immaturity and lack of spiritual depth in teenagers because of failing to do this, that they still feel like they have to micromanage and constantly reprimand and find out what’s going on, because they’re not just getting the Intel. And so then kids, the teenagers, instead of being treated as starting to become young adults, they’re treated as kids still. And then when they’re 18, they’ve still been treated a lot like kids in the way the parents are working with them. And they’re lacking that maturity and the spiritual side. And then they go launch and then what are they launching into? Mhm.

You know it’s interesting. I want to have, I have a, you know, a thought that I want to share with parents who are maybe having kids that are 8 to 12 or teenagers for the first time. Right. Like your first born child. Now as parents, regardless of if it’s your first born child or not, you’re always growing. But for those of you who have a kid that’s going into this season for the first time, and each year, each day I feel like with your first you’re learning more and more and more. But that’s the point, is that not only are we training our children, we’re also training ourselves. And so you need to recognize that as a parent, you have trained yourself to be a certain type of parent for the first seven, eight years with this kid. And so you’re going to have to actually grow. You’re going to have to purposefully try to, um, grow your relationship. And, and I’m just going to say the C word, it’s change. Change some things about how you communicate with them, change and grow your yourself spiritually to where you’re trusting God more with your child to allow them to go do the things alone if they, you know, without mom and dad hovering over and different things like that. And, and I, you know, obviously we’re not talking about any particular situation because I think that, you know, everyone lives in different neighborhoods. Everyone has different, um, friend groups.

There’s different situations for everybody. And so to make a blanket statement, like at this age, they should be able to bike ride by themselves. That would be irresponsible for us to say, actually, I think you need to be discerning as a parent. What is your neighborhood like? What are, you know, what is your child like? Are they going to have they been equipped to know who safe people are and aren’t? Um, you know, there’s so many aspects to this. Now, I’m bringing this up because trusting God with your kids is something you’re going to have to continue to grow in more and more and more as your kids get older. When you launch your kids from your home, you don’t stop being a parent when you launch your kids from your home, when your kids get married, when your kids are older and out of the house, you don’t stop having moments where you’re tempted to worry about them. But those are all opportunities for us as parents to grow in trusting God with our kids more and grow in our prayer life. Really. And so I bring that up, because I think that this is really the age where you need to start as as a mom, as a dad pursuing that kind of spiritual growth. Because if you don’t start now, you’re not going to be ready to fully let your kids grow. How can you be independent?

How can you coach and have that kind of relationship with someone that’s just really immature and constantly making the wrong decisions on purpose, deliberately? And so that’s what you see, you know? Oh, wait, for the teenage years, everybody told us and we’re like, no, we’re going to love the teenage years. And we really were from the beginning, early on when we started hearing those comments, as we’d have four and five kids and people are like, whoa, wait until wait until they’re all teenagers. We’re like, no, we’re not going to believe that lie. We’re not going to let that lie discourage us from having more kids, if that’s what God wants to do, if that’s what we decide to do. And you know what? So we kept going, but we came. Okay, how do we make sure we love the teenagers and we honestly have doesn’t mean there aren’t issues. Does human beings are involved. There’s issues. There’s no perfect church. There’s humans there, right? There’s no perfect family. There’s humans there. So there’s always going to be issues. But if you can ramp up a maturity in a love for God, which of course, salvation is only what God can do. But you disciple and you point them there, you can do you have so much influence. So using that influence is key. The other thing on communication is I think a lot of people are like, okay, I get it.

We’re supposed to communicate deeply with our children, but when I ask a question, the children don’t. They just give me a simple response or they don’t give me a details? Or how did it go? You only. Hear the good things. You’re not getting that and you might be frustrated with that experience. And I would say that it starts with you. We all have communication rhythms with each other, especially in families. Um, familiarity breeds contempt, right? So the more familiar people are with each other, the more, um, you can develop these ruts in the road of your communication that are hard to get out of. And until one person changes, nothing will change. And so as the parent, we have to be the one that changes our communication to get our relationship, our communication out of the rut and onto the road of fruitfulness. And how do you do that? Well, you you change something first of all. So so change anything. Okay. Like maybe how you ask the question. First of all, never ask a question where someone can say yes or no to it. If you want a deeper response, think about the questions. Next time you ask a question. Is it something someone can say yes or no to? Or is it more specific where they have to give an answer that is also specific and more detailed? So that’s a first tip for you that’s really important.

The second tip is to go three questions deep. Ask the same thing in the same direction, but three different ways in a gradual process that goes deeper. Because the first time you ask a question, how’s your day? What do you respond to someone to ask you that? Oh, it’s good. And usually it’ll be a very surface level answer because you’re not sure if they actually wanted to ask you that. It might just be chit chat. So you answer it very seriously. But then if they go in, oh, what happened with that during your day. Because maybe you mentioned something and they go and then now what do you register. Oh they’re serious. They’re actually stopping what they’re doing. They’re stopping their busyness and they’re more interested. Okay. I’m going to tell them more. And then that third time you ask a question about it, it’s like, whoa, they really want to have a deep conversation with me. And you go more into it. And I think our kids sometimes don’t get that from us all the time, because we are busy. We have things, we have our agenda and so forth. And I would.

Say to be more purposeful.

We need to be more purposeful and slow down. And are we developing a rhythm of communication with our children where it elicits a surface level? Non-deep. Uh, Rosie, uh, answer. And that might be your doing, actually, and what you’ve cultivated with them. So you have to have a positive disruption in your communication methodology to create something different. And if you want more, we don’t have time for this right now. But if you want more details on that, I wrote up a three page very practical with three concise examples. Uh, document PDF download that’s now free on our websites at Courageous Parenting.com. Or if you subscribe at Be Courageous Ministry. Org only subscribe one place. But um, and if you are already subscribed, check your email because we sent it like yesterday I think awesome.

And it’s called.

Oh go heart deep very.

Simple. Go heart deep. So as we’re talking about communication and relationships with these 8 to 12 year olds, um, I think that, you know, this is a time where you really start developing a, a, a new aspect of your relationship when your kids are little, your mom, your dad, there’s there’s not so much friendship relationship happening. Although it is good to develop a friendship with your kids. There’s more of a mommy. Daddy, we’re leading the way. We’re protecting you. We’re providing for you. We’re taking care of you. That is the the maintenance mode of with babies and toddlers and littles. Okay? And when you get kids that are from ages 8 to 12, that’s where you start. There’s a transition in parenting where that doesn’t go away. You’re still providing, you’re still protecting, you’re still creating a safe space for your kids. You’re still teaching your children, right? Like, and you’re still disciplining. You’re still there. All of what I just described is happening, but there’s a new aspect of your relationship that really needs to be purposefully cultivated, which is friendship, where you’re you’re they’re capable physically and mentally for doing bigger kid things. They just are. And so providing them opportunities to try new things, inviting them to participate in some of the things that you’re also doing. Like I remember when the kids were little, even when they were four, you would still have Austin come to work with you and Kelsey come to work with you when they were little. But the amount of time that they could spend at work with dad was a lot less than when they were 8 to 12 years old.

You would go to work age. They could come with me all day, get their work done. We would have lunch together. Even if I was meeting with someone else for lunch, they would join in.

Yeah. So do you see the difference? It’s not that you’re not doing those things with their kids when they’re little. You can. And we did. But it was a shorter duration of time that the kid could actually had a bandwidth to. Be at work with dad.

And this is a point too. At that time, I remember realization back then of quality time versus quantity time. And we’ve talked about this before, but that’s when I realized it when our oldest now we’re in there in this 8 to 12 years and some I read in a book somewhere or somebody told me. But quality time can be good, like quality. Like it’s really quality. You’re very intentional. You’re focused on them and taking.

Them out on a date.

And that’s good. Yeah, but it’s not always good for over time opening up that communication.

Right. Because then they feel like you have to wait.

And it’s just a event based, like, we’re doing this quality time doing this thing and then that thing. And they’re so looking forward to doing it with you that sometimes that there’s not enough time for that. And what what gets missed is those opportunities come up when there’s time elongated. Another way of saying quantity time, uh, which is when they share something, when they ask that question like, you could spend three hours with your kids, one kid, and there’s there’s no deepness happening or anything like that. Just stay the course, keep working. They’re working over here. Maybe you can’t work together. You do something else, you go hunting. Whatever. The thing is, that’s more quantity. And all of a sudden, boop question pops up, you’re like, it’s there, but if you’re not looking for it, you’ll just give a surface level answer and get back to your work. And I think sometimes I miss these. Sometimes it’s like there was the golden opportunity to open up a new kind of communication with my kid that forever more into the future, creates a deeper relationship with them. If I seize the moment, Isaac, seize the moment. Stop what you’re doing, listen, answer, and then go off in a little deeper on it, and then do you have more questions about it and really move in that direction? But it might take three hours of spending time together before that happens. Yeah.

And different kids have different personalities, right. So for some kids it might take that long. Other kids it could take 20 minutes. Yeah, ten minutes, maybe two minutes. You get in the car and boom. Oh, I’m so excited, dad. And you know, like I think that’s kind of how Solomon is. When we get in the car, he tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, you know, right away. Yeah. And I love that. But this is we just wanted to encourage you guys that, you know, this is not a time where you can go. Oh, the kids 8 to 12, they’re easy. They’re not teenagers yet. And so you can just kind of coast. You can kind of oh those are the easy years. That’s before they like start liking girls and boys and they, you know, all you think of all those things. But let me just tell you something. You remember little earlier in today’s podcast when I said you have 1465 days, I think I said to prepare them for the teenage years. This is also like you’re cultivating your relationship with them, where there’s openness about the teenage years. And so you can’t just, like, rest on your laurels parenting and go, oh man, those first seven years, those that was hard. That was the trenches. But we got there. We’re good now. No, this is the time where you shift and you start going deeper with your kids, especially spiritually and character wise with them, so that you’re developing this relationship of discipleship where they are coming to you for spiritual wisdom, you’re talking to them and, and and they’re, you know, when they’re teenagers, that’s where you start trying to encourage them.

It’s the relationship is a two way road. I wish I would have done that better. The whole two way road thing, like relationships, are a two way road. It’s not just got to be mom pursuing or hanging out with you. It’s good for you to also show that you want to spend time with mom. You can ask for that too. And that’s one thing that I literally didn’t do with the first few kids, and I wish I would have done that more. Um, but I’m sharing that with you now because that’s like the now, that’s something that has shifted with our other kids where it’s like, hey, guys, like, I’m also a human being and I want to have a friendship with you. That’s not just me pursuing you. And this is a good thing to teach your kids that because it’s good for not just their relationship with their parents, but with other people. If they’re the the cool kid that everybody is always wanting to hang out with and they’re never pursuing other people, they could later in life be really lonely if they think that it’s everyone else’s responsibility to be pursuing them. And so this is the time where we start teaching them how to build relationships first and foremost with our relationship with them, their relationship with their siblings, as we encourage that, but also we need to teach them how to pursue relationships, how to be a good friend.

You said something I want to say, and we’ll go into discipleship in a second. But is, you know, the age is 8 to 12. The statistics are alarming, actually. Um, I think the first time most kids, uh, are exposed to pornography is either 8 or 9 years old. Most like a high percentage. Um, this is when they’re starting to maybe, you know, touch themselves in inappropriate ways. This is maybe, uh, or struggles with that can start to happen. This is when, um, you know, non-intentional Christian homes. Maybe just the normal homes out there. Um. You might be thinking, well, this is not my kids, right? Because I’m protecting them and doing a good job in these things. Well, what about the peer influences that are out there that are just not aware of this kind of thing, that these things are happening earlier and desires, crushes, all these things are happening in the 8 to 12 years. And so really being there to you’re catching their thing that’s happening with them and then helping with wisdom and guiding. But if you’re not able to catch because there’s not the communication. They’re just left to their feelings, right? They’re just left to their immature actions, their flesh.

You know, it’s interesting that you bring that up because I was thinking more and more about just even the the opposite gender relationships, for example. And, and there is a truth about how girls tend to be a little bit more mature. This isn’t, again, not across the board. There are some really mature boys out there. However, generally speaking, girls tend to be about two years ish more mature than boys. Um, in regards to when they start, um, like even hormonally, this is a truth. And so, um, you know, it’s important that we don’t compare our kids to one another, especially if they’re different genders and like, expect things and then expect that something’s wrong with their child if they’re not doing the same things that happened with the firstborn and, you know, or just be even shocked, like if you have a boy first and then that eight year old daughter, you have a ten year old boy and an eight year old daughter, and the boy hasn’t really talked to you much about being interested in girls yet, or anything of the sort, and hasn’t really shown any interest, but they’re just good buddies. Like they’re just good friends, right? Just like they were when they were 5 or 6. But then your eight year old starts having crushes and you’re not necessarily seeing it because you’re like, no, this is too soon. I just have to say, this is the danger of comparing boys against girls, and we need to be aware and have our eyes open and be ready to engage each individual child.

As who they are and what they’re going through, what their body is awakening when their body is awakening. Now there we’ve always been of the opinion of trying to preserve their innocence as long as possible, which you can do that as a parent by protecting your kids from watching things that are inappropriate on television, by having boundaries, such as don’t look at other people’s devices, um, being careful about who their peer influences are, being, um, really good at protecting their innocence. Those are just some ways books, even that they read. Some books are just too mature. I remember Anne of Green Gables being a popular book that a lot of moms were letting their girls read. Well, our daughter was a couple years younger or a year and a half younger, and I didn’t really want to awaken some of that romantic stuff in her at the age that she was at, when I knew that she wasn’t quite there yet. And so I kind of I held off on that. And of course, she grew in more curiosity because her friends were reading that book series. And I was saying, no, not yet. And so, you know, as a mom, you have to choose what battles you’re going to pick. But we get to as parents try to preserve their innocence as long as possible. But then there, that doesn’t mean that you don’t talk about things when it is appropriate.

So good. Hey, I wanted just to share, you know, when I was just listening to myself and listening to you, it’s like there can be anxiety when you start talking about purity, when you start talking about, you know, what children are being exposed to and potentially exposed to and how to handle these kinds of things. And I want to teach you something sometimes. You know, one of the things the ministry is supported by main thing actually, is we have courses and people buy courses and that money supports the ministry, enables us to all this free content and supports our family and these kinds of things. That’s the goal, right? And um, sometimes people go, well, there’s so much free content out there in the world and there’s free content everywhere. Why would I need to buy a course? And I want to teach a fundamental difference when someone builds a course, at least when we build a course, it’s a curriculum. And there’s a difference between a curriculum and a podcast episodes. There’s difference between a curriculum and somebody’s YouTube video. A curriculum is a well thought out, step by step process, taking you through something with the goal of really strong implementation that creates a forever change in what you’re doing if you implement it. And that’s how we approach courses. So the Parenting Mentor program, I mean, I was just thinking about it talks in depth on this. There’s a whole 60 minute session just on this. And then but really, it’s not even just about that session.

It’s how all six of the one hour sessions build upon each other, and all are integrated within each other. And the three lives we do, and the ability for people to ask questions around that as they go through it. And that creates something that is far more meaningful for real implementation. And that is why at least our courses, that’s why people buy our courses. And oftentimes when they invest in one course, they end up investing in all of them over time because they experience something different. First of all, biblical base. But secondly, it’s not we’re not just trying to sell something. And there’s a lot of people out there just trying to sell something. So it’s about the sale versus the content. What we’re doing, this is a ministry. This is all about the content and the impact. And there’s a money there’s a money exchange because that’s how we’re able to fund the ministry in a large part. Also, our incredible donors that are helping to in the coffee and the app and all these things are very, very important. In fact, we have an important fundraising goals that we have to hit in the next couple of months that are vital for this year’s Double Impact initiative. But I just wanted to share that, because sometimes I think as a Christian we can wonder, well, what is a course and is that valuable? And sometimes people have taken courses before or been part of bundles or whatever, and they’re like.

Oh, that content wasn’t that great, I already knew that or blah blah blah.

We don’t get any of that feedback with it. So I just want you to know, and we have 100% return policy on the parenting mentor program, if someone goes all the way through it. And I think out of several thousand people going through it, we maybe have had 4 or 5, and they were actually not for the quality of content reasons. They were just for, you know, they disagreed about this or that, or the husband didn’t know about the purchase or things like that. Yeah.

So, you know, you guys, when we were talking about topics like purity and like Isaac was saying, um, having hard conversations, it’s important that we as parents don’t just like, take a, take a break or a breather during those years of 8 to 12, but instead we we engage. It’s like a boost. If there was a parenting boost button, it’s like, this is one of those transition boost buttons you need to push. When your kids turn 8 to 12, you need to start digging in. You need to be really intentional and building your relationship and communication so that you can have these conversations with your kids and. We talk about that, you know so much in the Parenting Mentor program, but we take you through Scripture through these sessions. That is that’s why we are able to say this is a biblically based parenting model. It’s not opinion. It’s not Isaac. And Angie’s like just sharing our experiences and what we think about things. No, like we’re saying yes to the Titus two call as an older man and an older woman who have been married and been raising nine kids, and we’re saying yes to that, and we’re willing to throw ourselves under the bus and to talk about hard things that we’ve learned as parents. But it’s more than that. It’s about what God’s Word says to us about how we should be parenting. And so we want to invite you to be a part of that next parenting mentor program. You can find out about it at courageous Parenting.com.

Let’s dive into discipleship. Um, so obviously, you know, we’ll do about five minutes, seven minutes on each of these. Okay. Uh, so discipleship is a big word. And I think sometimes I know for me, you know, come coming to know be a believer at 23. And then when I would hear the word discipleship, when I was a new believer, I was like, man, that’s weighty. Wow. You know how to disciple people. Wow. What is your program look like? You know, and a lot of times the word discipleship was also in terms of a program. Churches would talk about their discipleship program. And I think that’s great. It’s fantastic. But I just want you to know that I thought it was some weighty thing, some academic thing. And I think it’s important that we don’t make it so lofty that we don’t do it. That’s the point, is, discipleship is simply pointing people to Jesus and teaching them about God.

And walking in a way where you can say, hey, follow me or do what I do, or watch what I’ve done. And like, that’s discipleship. That’s what Jesus did. He took the disciples who were, by the way, they were unqualified in every aspect of what would be qualified in many circles today. As far as being able to be a pastor, right. Like there was no seminary, they were walking with Jesus. That’s the best seminary there is. And guess what? When you read the Bible and you’re dedicated to studying the Word of God, you’re walking with Jesus. You’re learning from him, just like the disciples did in that sense. And so I just want to encourage you that if if we can disciple our kids, you can disciple your kids if Jesus, you know, and I think that that’s really the heart of what we want to encourage you guys with today, discipleship is actually also another session in the Parenting Mentor program, but we want to share some verses with you today that are really important key verses that we think are essential for this 8 to 12 year old age range to really like, dig in with our kids and teach them.

Proverbs three five says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. I’m going to read a little more in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. That’s, uh, three, five through eight. It’s in Proverbs. So good. I mean.

Think about what each of these verses would necessarily mean to a kid. That’s 8 to 12 years old. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding how many kids are trying to prove themselves and trying to really, they’re not trying to lean on their own understanding, but they’re having more of an independent spirit in a sense, and they’re wanting to do things on their own and not always have mom and dad. Like, if you were to talk to them about not leaning on just your own understanding, like, I want you to be brave and to try new things. But if you get stuck on stuff, it shows maturity to mom and dad. If you’re humble enough to say, hey, can you help me with this? I’m stuck. And that’s really important. Like developing that relationship where your kids know that they can still come to you. It’s not like you’re just like going up. Okay, now I’m done teaching you, but to develop a relationship of, hey, why don’t you try that on your own and I’ll just be I’ll be right here. I’m gonna work on this.

If you need help, you can just ask me. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. Taking that verse and teaching them what that looks like on a spiritual level. What does it mean to trust in the Lord and not lean on your own understanding? It means you’re not going to go about choosing who your friends are based upon what’s popular, or what feels good, or what you want. You’re going to actually ask God and say, God, is there someone on this basketball team that you would like me to befriend that’s not leaning on your own understanding and just going, oh man, that kid. He hits three pointers all the time. I want to be his best friend. Like, do you see what I’m saying? Like, the eight year old to 12 year old needs that like example. And that’s just a simple way to make this scripture really come to life for them to go, hey, are you asking God about all the things in your life, not leaning on your own understanding and what humans would would want to do, but asking God?

I have just a quick message for pastors listening in. Or if you want to share this with your pastor, is that I think that it’s so important that to weave into sermons the exhortation to parents to disciple their children, and to be aware that when you provide programs. Programs, youth programs and things like that. They can be good, but it creates a natural, um, sense that my kids are being discipled, that my kids are being taken care of. And God made the parents, uh, and the kids together as a family for a reason. And the parents are the God authorized, most important, uh, authorities in their life and have that close relationship and time together where because discipleship can’t only be an event, it has to be woven into the fabric of everyday life. And so if in a church, parents are not exhorted consistently, but there are programs to help, but they’re not exhorted consistently, what will happen is delegation will fall to just these events, and the parents aren’t being equipped and exhorted and encouraged to really disciple their children on an everyday basis. And that’s what we’re encouraging. That’s what the Parenting Mentor Program is all about and encourages, is to disciple your children, to make a way of life. And we teach how to weave that into your everyday life of all ages, uh, as they’re getting older and so.

Also being faithful and going to church regularly, which is important, like showing, you know, we model as parents, we model our view of the bride of Christ to our kids. We model to our kids what it looks like to be an active part of the body of Christ. This is an essential aspect to discipleship, which, you know, I think that a lot of times when people think of discipleship, they think that they need to know a lot of Scripture and they need to be able to teach and all these things. And while I think that that’s something that all parents should be desiring to grow in doing with their kids, discipleship is is also what your kids are watching you live out. Are you serving in your church? If you are, you are modeling for them being a part of the body of Christ. But here’s the thing. Like I know that as as a young girl, my parents probably were in the word a lot, but I didn’t see them sitting and reading their Bible. And so as you grow up, if you don’t see that modeled for you, you can make a lot of assumptions later in life thinking, oh, maybe they didn’t read or whatever, but I know that isn’t true because I see their faith today. And so the truth is, is as parents, we need to like, not be doing things for man’s eyes, but also recognize that there is a power in our our authority that God has given us as parents to model for our kids what it looks like to be a Christian and to live as a Christian. And that goes into our daily spiritual disciplines. As far as reading the Bible, praying to God, worshiping to God, when we’re doing even basic tasks like doing laundry.

Let’s talk about these things real quick. So you said three really good things right there. So the Word of God. So ask yourself, how is the Word of God, um, spoken to life in my home? How is it? Where is the Bible come into play important? Is it important? How often is it opened? Uh, how often is a parent, uh, sharing a verse with someone? How often is the Bible used when, uh, the the children need wisdom or they need correction or these kinds of things? Or is it just our own flesh in, in correcting our children.

And, and.

These kinds of things, or are we bringing in what God thinks in a verse about that, to encourage our children to overcome getting angry at their sibling and these kinds of things? Is it a tool? The Bible says it’s a tool for corrections, for teaching, for all these things. Right in Timothy. So second Timothy, I believe. So it’s so important that we use it. It is such a valuable tool. And you might be going, well I don’t know how to use it. It was never used with me. I’ve never seen that. And the first thing I’ll say is don’t let that be an excuse. That cannot be an excuse because none of us have seen it. I mean, maybe a few of us, but I don’t know anybody. Okay? So it’s really important that we don’t embrace our excuses. Instead, we embrace the goal. And what’s the goal? What’s the purpose of parenting? It is to point them to Jesus. And our hope is that they become believers. And while that’s a mystery of God and salvation, and God does that, it also is an act of faith by the child, and we get to stir up and encourage that faith and hope that that happens. And so we have so much influence and so, so the Word of God. And what’s the next thing you said? Worship is worship music on is or do you.

Only worship at church on Sunday? Yeah.

Are you are you are your children into worship? Are they learning instruments and leading worship at home just with your family and doing that? That’s something we’re trying to do and we’ve always tried to do, and it’s not easy to encourage kids in that direction and keep it going and these kinds of things. But nothing good is ever easy. So if you’re pursuing really good things, I promise you it’s going to be hard. There are going to.

Be hardships with at least one of the kids on that specific thing, and then there’ll be different hardships with a different kid on a different aspect. And and I think that that’s the thing that we need to recognize is that if we get into a habit of just saying no to things when they’re hard and going, oh, well, maybe this is just not God’s path for my kid. No, we would be saying no to every.

Everything. I would stop teaching the Bible to my family in the morning, that’s for sure. And you know what?

If it was a matter of if it was easy, hard or not?

Yeah, if it was easy, if I felt like everybody wanted me to do it, I would never do it. Because it does. It never. It never feels that way. And so it’s it’s you’re always there’s resistance. Right. And so spiritual leadership, any aspect of it, whether you’re encouraging worship or teaching the Bible or, or you’re, you’re talking about spiritual things one on one with your children or, um, you’re worshiping the Lord. Whatever it is, praying your prayer life and praying together not just to the the same prayer every time before we eat dinner, but to actually have a prayer life. And the kids are part of it, and they have a prayer life, and they’re growing and praying to God, and they’re praying when nobody’s looking. And these kinds of things. That’s real relationship with God. If you if your child has a real relationship with God, don’t you think they’re talking to God when no one’s looking?

So here’s the thing. I think that when it comes down to it, we just need to be honest about what we’re really sensing and seeing in our kids. And not be so scared to call it out. Because the truth is, is you can sense if your child has been in communion with God, you can sense it. You know why? Because the fruit that comes out of them is completely different. Whether it’s them having read the Bible, them having been in prayer, them having been worshiping, or them currently worshiping like you have worship music playing, you can tell the difference in an attitude of a child immediately. And if you can tell the difference in an attitude of a child, guess what? Your kids can tell the difference in you. And that’s something that like, I’ve been thinking about this concept of how our kids can bring out the best and the worst in us, and we need to be very humble and aware of that. I know that that that’s something that I’m constantly thinking about and convicted of is like, oh wow, why is it that sometimes your kids, especially the like the younger kids? Well, actually, it doesn’t even matter. Any person that you are living with and in a close communal relationship with, they can push the buttons at times. And so how we respond is really, really important and we’re going to mess up at times. But how we respond to our mess ups is even more important. And I, I just want to say that because that’s part of discipleship, actually, if you think about it, because we’ve said many times in the podcast episodes where we’ve talked about, like how to handle life trials and when you’re squeezed, what comes out of you.

Like, I hope that if a Christian is squeezed, Christ comes out of them. Well, let me just say parenting is not easy. And when you’re trying to learn something new and you’re going into this new season of parenting, whether it’s going into the 8 to 12 years or you’re going into 13 to 15 years old parenting, you know, parenting kids that age, whatever it is, you’re learning new things. Your kids are learning new things. And so there’s a transition that’s happening there. And I hope that God is coming out. I hope that God is visible in your home, in your relationships all throughout, sprinkled all through out, and that it’s not just flash, flash, flash, flash, flash. Because if it is, then discipleship is going to be really, really hard. And so if it is really hard, I would just ask you right now to humble yourself before the Lord and ask, why is this so hard? Lord, would you show me and convict me about the things I need to change so that my kids respect me enough to hear me reading the Bible? And so, you know, I also just want to share that this concept of like children, right? Like in churches, you know, we’ve talked about Sunday school youth group programs, and our opinion is that they can be additive. Absolutely. They can be additive. They can be a good, positive thing that is helpful to parents who are purposefully discipling their children, but they are by no means meant to be a replacement or a delegation of parents. Just delegating spiritual growth over here and putting their kids in Sunday school and then not doing it. And I think.

Every pastor would agree with that. I think the challenge is, is that, you know, with all the things we’re giving sermons on and so forth, we just have to remember to exhort and encourage parents to disciple their children and to lead spiritually and to have those really good conversations.

Yes. But what I want to say is, and this might be touchy for some pastors, and I want to if there is a pastor that’s listening, because I know we have a lot of pastors who listen, I want to ask you and your wife and your elder board a really important question. As a young, as a mom of kids going to a church. Do your responses to kids. Maybe making a few noises during a sermon. Discourage that mom from being diligent in training her children to be able to sit and partake and participate in the gathering, because we know that the Bible says, do not neglect the gathering as some have, as some that is. Hebrews 1025. This is something God is very this is important to God. He does not want any of his people neglecting the gathering. And the truth is, is when we make people feel like they can’t sit in the sermon message because their their kid is fussing, even though they’re doing their best to calm them down. Right. And, and I think that if a baby’s, like really crying, like, obviously I would take my child out and calm them down and then come back. But do you get the sense when you walk into church that your kids are not welcome to sit in the service? Why? Because if they cry, it’s going to be embarrassing on the YouTube channel that’s being recorded. Because if that is the motivation, if the motivation is behind the fact that you’re being recorded and you don’t want the audio messed up, the priorities are wrong. And Jesus touches on this when he rebukes the disciples in Luke 19.

Luke um, Matthew 1914 says, But Jesus said, let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them and went away. Jesus is such an amazing example of how we are to be with children and to value children, and they are to be part of the Body of.

Christ, and part of the Body of Christ means they need to be a part of the gathering. They can do Sunday school, but it should be additive to going to the gathering actually.

So I think the important point is if children are going to Sunday class youth programs in place of the gathering where adults are during the church meeting, where discipling.

Them in that.

Right, then they never experience going to church, regular church, right. They launched their 18. Now what are they expected to do? Well, now you’re not in the youth programs anymore, but you’re in the with the adults. Well, I’ve never experienced that before. It could that be part of why 70 to 80% of kids in Christian homes leave the church by age 18? I think it’s something to think about and we need to be able to be in service together. We love our children worshiping the Lord together. I love knowing what they learned because we all learned it together, so we can talk about it on the way home.

Yeah, I mean, I think that this is an important part of discipleship, right, is that we would be taking our kids to church and that they would be participating in the most the important elements that God’s Word says, make up the gathering time, right? And, you know, as parents, this is also a time. This is the season 8 to 12, when kids are starting to make their faith their own, Lord willing. And that discipleship aspect of viewing them as someone who can sit and and be learning and and all of that, like this is this is huge in discipling them and helping to value their relationship. Acknowledging to your child that you see that they have a personal relationship with God, that we’re all worshiping him. We’re not worried about what other people are thinking or how they’re sounding. We’re you know, I just think there’s so many aspects to taking your kids to church that, you know, obviously we do that with all of our kids, no matter their age. But, um, especially like even thinking about the 8 to 12 year olds, if they’re missing out on that, then there’s a huge gap in the discipleship that is occurring if they’re not participating in the church gathering. Um, because this is really where they’re going to see people get baptized, and then they’re going to start asking about baptism, they’re going to start having questions about things. They’re going to be watching people take communion. Then they’re going to start asking about communion. Whereas I think that parents should be teaching their kids about those things anyway without their kids asking. But the truth is, is don’t their experiences in life provoke them to ask questions at 8 to 12 years old.

100%, and we gotta be there to answer those. In acts 238 through 41, it talks about baptism, actually. And Peter said to them, repent and be baptized, every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins. And you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off. Everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself. And with many other words, he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, save yourselves from this crooked generation. So those who received his word were baptized, and were added that day about 3000 souls. And it doesn’t say a certain age of wind. Children are baptized right there.

It does say, though, that this is for you and your children. And so for parents like we need to be careful. You know, I keep rethinking every time we talk about discipleship. I keep thinking about the warning that says it’d be better for you to have a millstone hung around your neck than to lead one of these little ones into sin and I. I think that there’s an element there where if we are pushing a child away, like the disciples were trying to get the kids away from Jesus because they thought it was like a waste of his time, or they were a nuisance, right? Like, we can’t do that as parents. Be like, oh no, no, no, you’re not old enough to understand this, that isn’t that actually putting God in a box? Because if we truly believe that God’s the one who reveals himself to people by the power of His Holy Spirit, by the power of His Holy Spirit, he calls people, wouldn’t we be technically not believing that God could do that within a child? If we’re saying, oh no, no, no, you’re not big enough to come to church service, you need to be in the nursery or in Sunday school. Like, I just think that there’s this element where we as parents have to ask ourselves this question, what message are we saying to our kids? If we’re saying no, you can’t partake? Yeah, it.

Can’t be in the name of fun. We engage the children needs to be in the name of Jesus. We engage the children and we teach them what the Bible says. And I’m sure a lot of the programs do that. But sometimes, you know, we might be making children feel younger than they actually are or could be or could be maturing. The potentiality of their spiritual maturity could be faster potentially, too. So I just see that in our own family, they’re maturing very fast, and I’m seeing something that’s working, and I think it’s parents engaged in the discipleship of their children and not excluding them.

And not putting an age limit or age gap or age expectation on a kid to be able to experience God and to have questions and have understanding of of deep spiritual significance. I think that as parents, we just need to there’s this element of like believing God is bigger and and not putting God in a box that really, truly what it is, is quenching the spirit. And so all right.

We’re going to wrap up with equipping. And it’s so important as the our children are going to launch into a very different world. The next 1 to 4 years are going to be so much radical change. It’s going to be a little chaotic, actually. I’m just going to be honest, going to be a little chaotic out there in the world, especially this year. We’re going to do our next episode probably on because kind of what we see potentially happening this year, and that was a fun.

Podcast episode last year.

Yeah, I should go catch it, see if we were right about anything, but um, but anyways, you know, just seeing what’s trending and what’s happening and then a biblical response to these things, that’s going to be the next episode, but they’re going to need to stand firm in a reality that’s much different than our experience. And so we need to be equipping them in a stronger way than ever before. We need to be more intentional as parents than ever before. We need to be more intentional towards, uh, the children from a church perspective than ever before. And we need to prepare them. We need to prepare them situationally. And how to have an answer, how to respond to things, how to have an answer for gender confusion. For example, they need.

To have a true understanding, a realistic perspective of the fallen world that we live in, and also have hope for God to be able to to set people free from bondage. Right? Like there’s this balance that as parents, we don’t want to be so ho hum like negative. Right? There needs to be, um, yes. This is the reality of the world that you’re in. And so therefore I’m going to train you on these topics. But then there’s also this. But guess what? Jesus. These the world needs Jesus because Jesus is the answer. And he breaks people free from the bondage of sin. And he he like, there’s just this beautiful hope that we can fill our kids with that. They then can be the light, and.

We have to teach them how to love other people well, that don’t know Jesus while standing firm in the faith. How do we do both of those in this world? That’s going to be the hardest thing. They need to see us doing that in our relationships. Standing firm in the faith, not wavering, not getting wayward for the sake of relationship, but standing firm while also having relationship while loving other people well. And that is so important that they see our example and we teach them how to do that as well. It is a fallen world, and it’s so important, more important than ever, that our children have a biblical world view. And whether you want to hear this or not, it is on your shoulders. Yeah it.

Is. We’re all going to experience, um, God holding us accountable for things and parents. I know that it’s heavy to hear, it’s heavy to think about, but we’re the ones that are responsible for our own children. God chose you to be your child’s parent, and you can do it, and you can do it. You can do it because you have God’s help. You have His word. And Lord willing, through prayer and through your faithfulness. Hopefully there is a testimony kind of like Timothy’s where, you know, someone older is saying, hey, don’t forget what you were taught when you were a child. Go and lead others taught.

By your mom and your grandmother, actually, in that example.

Yes. So I just think that there’s there’s so much encouragement in the word. Don’t grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap what you sow. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be Courageous ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcasts, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous Ministry org.