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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey everyone, welcome to the podcast. Hey guys. Talking about marriage today. Marriage is so under attack. We just feel a prompting from the Lord to tend to this a little bit more than we have in past. And so, you know, this is all about that. And I think an important topic of really, you know, paying attention to your spouse and where is your real relationship actually at and how can you grow that relationship?

As we were talking about the attacks that we’ve been, you know, seeing on marriage, as people are reaching out and, you know, they’re really seeking to be walking biblically. They want healing, they want restoration, they want help. You know, um, we just thought, listen, this is this is a big deal. So we’re going to do a podcast on this. But when we’re talking about attacks on marriage, one of the biggest attacks on marriage that we kind of talked about actually could all be narrowed down to one word, and that’s time. Or here’s another word. Are you too busy to know your spouse and to have a strong relationship? Right. Because as we’re wanting to dig in and have strong marriage or like, what is the motivation for a strong marriage, aside from the fact that, like, every person wants to be loved and known and and know someone deeply, right, we want to glorify God with our marriages. We want to leave a strong legacy of a strong marriage to our kids. We. There’s so many whys, right?

I think of selfishness, too. That’s a big one. Yeah.

And and but when you think about the whys, here’s another why that should go on your list. It’s important that we are really like investing in the strength training. Yeah I said strength training. So you’re probably envisioning when I say that like working out in a gym, right. We need to invest in the strength training of our marriages because they need to be unbreakable during these unprecedented times.

It is vital the times we’re going in, we have to be proactive. Right now, we’re not inferior at all, but we have to look at the times and what’s happening and the tax on marriage and go, okay, well, how is my marriage doing? And if you just go, yeah, it’s pretty good, then you might not be tending it proactively. Like how can you make it stronger? How can it be. Yeah okay. You might be in a place where you have commitment to each other and you feel trust in that. But are you a thriving marriage? Are you communicating about everything that needs to be talked about? Are you making decisions together, in alignment proactively that nurture your marriage and protect and help your family? You know, it’s so important during these times. You know, times are just going to get more challenging in some ways. In some ways, they might get better, right? But I think that in these unprecedented times, I totally agree. Like, is your marriage unbreakable and is it that strong? Where does it need to be shored up? And some of you listening might be like, well, there isn’t commitment, there isn’t real connection. I don’t feel known by my spouse. I don’t feel like we have a even a good marriage.

Or maybe they are struggling with being in alignment. Maybe they’re not unified as a team. Maybe they feel like their horses going in different directions. In a sense, as far as pulling the cart right and leading their families. And, you know, all of these things, are there little topics that we could definitely dig deeper into, but we really want to hone in and talk about your relationship with your spouse and, and, and really pursuing the heart of your spouse. Um, and so before we dive in, though, we just want to say thank you so much for joining us here on the Courageous Parenting Podcast. You guys know that we’ve been at this now for this is our anniversary.

This oh, wow.

You get that episode.

One came out five years ago this week.

That’s huge. I was thinking about that yesterday. I was like, can we actually wow, five year anniversary when this podcast releases.

Haven’t missed a single week? Praise the Lord that we’ve been able to do that.

It’s pretty exciting. And so, um, we just want to say thank you to you guys who have been supporters and been listening. You’re why we keep doing this? Yeah. Um, and thank you for the emails and for just the reaching out, because it helps us to know what’s relevant to talk about and to encourage you with.

So speaking of that, we just sent out our, I think, fourth monthly newsletter. We just started this and I hope you’re getting it. If you’re not getting it, we need to be connected through email. Yeah. It’s so important. You can go to our social handles and get connected there. Be courageous Ministry org or courageous Parenting.com both you can get on the email list, but if you’re not on our email list, there might come a day where it’s harder for us to connect. Maybe we’re kicked off social media or something like that. So also, of course, the Be Courageous app is a way to always be the most connected, but I think that that would be important. That newsletter is helpful.

Well, I was just going to say, just so people know, the newsletter is not like our other emails. We put in a lot of value in there. We we try to I always am sharing a recipe.

I’m always sharing an interesting new. News story.

And then we try to share something that’s going on in the homestead, either right now or something we’ve learned, or maybe a recipe or a homemaker hack or marriage.

Tips. We always give a tip, right? In the beginning. There’s a theme for each newsletter we always give them industry update. We always share what’s going on. Personally, a little personal Tulpen happenings. Yeah, we.

Call it so anyway, so if you’re interested in getting the newsletter and you’re not getting it, that means that you’re not on our email list to get it. And so just go to Be Courageous ministry.org and you can sign up there real easy.

Hey I am so glad you’re part of this be courageous ministry.org is all the show notes, so forth. Let’s dive in. So the heart.

Yes.

Of marriage right. Knowing each other’s hearts. Relationships in marriage so important I think at the core that is one of the most important things to nurture, to have an unbreakable team.

It is. And I think that it’s hard when you feel like the other person doesn’t know your heart or they don’t know the growth. I just want to speak to this for a moment. We’ve talked a lot about this on the podcast in regards to, um, allowing your children to grow and having a perspective of growth mindset, of expecting growth, expecting spiritual maturity, and not not in a sense of like having high expectations, too high of expectations. That’s not what I’m saying. But like in the sense of I should expect my kids to grow. So when they do, I’m going to rejoice in that. I’m going to call that out in them. I’m going to recognize it. I’m not going to treat them younger than they actually are. I’m going to have respect for the fact that God is growing in their life. And this is also important in marriage because there are seasons like it’s easy for you when you when you marry somebody, you can rattle off all the things that you’re in love with, right? And, and you have in your mind, like what attracted you to them. And, and you can feel close and all of those things when you’re engaged and you’re first getting married and even those first few years of life, they might that person might change, but you’re also changing with them.

So you’re kind of changing together. But to acknowledge that growth, to acknowledge that change and not just label the certain, um, traits or certain struggles or certain sins or certain mistakes and go, they always right and label that always, even if you don’t say it out loud, like if it’s in your mind, oh, they always do this to me. Or they always think that they know what I’m thinking when they don’t. Or, you know, if if you’ve communicated about that kind of an issue, I think that it’s really important if the other person is receptive and they’ve heard you, and they’re going to try to expect that there’s going to be growth in that area in your relationship. And so I think identifying the labels and reputation that you’ve developed in your brain about your marriage, as if it’s like another person, right. And recognizing and giving that marriage room to grow.

Absolutely. Where has your labels about your spouse prevented them from growing? It’s not motivating to grow. If your spouse always thinks of you in this one way about how you used to be. Yeah. You know, if you don’t believe that they’re going to change how they look at you, then it’s going to be hard to do that hard work of really changing, too. So sometimes we need that encouragement from one another of releasing us from that negative image in some area, from something that happened in the past. So I think that’s really, really important. Where might that exist? I also think in Christian marriages, we have this wonderful thing of a lifelong commitment because we understand what marriage really is, what the Bible says about marriage. But on the flip side of that, if especially men, maybe. But I think it can happen with women too. But more men. I think that once we have something and it’s secure, we tend to neglect things sometimes. And so I think it’s really important to think about, gents, where have you neglected the relationship? Because, you know, no matter what, your wife is completely committed to you for the rest of your life. And I think that that is a subconscious thing, but it’s something we need to be aware of where we’re neglecting, because familiarity also breeds contempt. We’ve said before, but it’s it’s like the closer you are together and you’re committed forever, sometimes you take it for granted. You really take each other for granted. And gents, we can we can tend to do that with our wives. I know I’ve done that before and I just, you know, don’t want to be that way. And so I try not to be, but sometimes I can fall into that. Just kind of taking Angie for granted, taking what she’s doing for granted. And she feels that. And then that comes out in other ways. And she may not even be able to pinpoint that. That’s why. But I’m sure that it’s part of it. So I think, you know, we have a responsibility to really, uh, nurture that relationship with our wives.

I think it’s interesting for me. I don’t know if I can speak for every woman out there. Um, but for the guys who are maybe listening in the times where I have felt the opposite of what? Isaac. Talking about where I felt really appreciated, valued, cherished, loved. Where Isaac’s taken an effort to acknowledge and affirm and appreciate the things that I’m doing, the works that I’m doing with my hands that are building our home or homeschooling the kids, or working hard on the homestead, or different things like that. When he, um, like, I know it sounds silly, but even when I’m like gardening, if he comes out to the garden and he’s just like, wow, look at this. And he’s like, so excited and really, um, cheering me on, I guess, and thankful and acknowledging, like, you put so much into this, thank you so much. And like that kind of stuff, it actually makes me want to do more. And I think that most humans are probably wired that way to where if we receive some cheerleading and some acknowledgement for the hard work that we’re doing, then we want to do better.

It’s kind of like when you’re playing sports, right? And you’re on a team and there’s people in the bleachers. If you’re you shoot a hoop and you, you swish it and you hit that three pointer and the whole crowd starts cheering, right? You’re like, there’s something that happens. You feel this like sense inside yourself that you’re like, I did that. I can do better and I can keep trying. And you get this like spurt of energy to keep going. And I think that it’s important that we acknowledge, like the Bible even talks about life as a race and that we need to keep persevering and pressing on to the goal and encouraging one another. And we’re going to talk a little bit more about that later. But I know that in the times where Isaac was just talking about the the pitfall of neglect, but I just want to speak to how powerful you can step out of that by just taking a moment to appreciate. And that really changes everything.

So why don’t you think right now of something you haven’t been appreciating about your spouse that really probably should be and appreciate that, affirm that in them. In the same token, I love we had just this amazing episode with Kirk Cameron on the podcast, just a couple back, and I go listen to it if you haven’t already, and please share it, because that episode I thought was really amazing on a couple levels. One of the things that was powerful right there is while he made the point, while we should affirm each other, encourage each other, our identity must remain in Christ. And if it’s not, then that reaps havoc on the marriage relationship because we’re trying to get our value from our spouse when really our value comes from God in our identity, in Christ.

Yeah, that was a really powerful time. He he just talked about how it’s unfair to put that kind of pressure on your spouse, or even on your children to be appreciating you. And that’s true. I mean, the Bible says that we’re to work heartily as unto the Lord. Right? And so we’re supposed to be, even if we aren’t getting the praise, even if we aren’t getting the acknowledgement, aren’t getting the affirmation. When our identity is strong in the Lord, we keep being faithful regardless, because we don’t do things for people pleasing, we don’t do things for other people. And so while it is true and important that we are affirming one another in our marriage, that’s part of how we tend to the hearts within our marriage. Right? Um, there’s also this. It’s like both are true at the exact same time. And that may seem like a paradox, where it’s like you need to have a strong identity to where you don’t need to be praised or you don’t need to be affirmed. But at the same time, we’re going to also say you need to be appreciating your spouse and valuing them and cherishing them and speaking life into them. Yeah, because both are true and both are biblical.

Yeah. Ephesians 533 I think is a great verse to just kick this episode off. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So what kind of love is it? What kind of relationship is it? If the husband is loving his wife as himself and God.

Is speaking directly to man’s hearts here he’s like, all humans are really selfish. They’re going to love themselves the most.

It is the complete opposite of selfishness. And I think, man, everything.

It’s not in one category.

I think man’s selfishness sometimes. Women’s selfishness too, probably goes both ways. Uh, is the destruction of marriage relationship totally. And you could be committed the rest of your life and love each other and be in a destructive state at the same time for the rest of your lives if you’re.

Competitive with each other, for example. Yeah. So unhealthy.

So what is the call here is to love our wives as ourselves. Like, whoa. Like if if you exercise, if you try and eat good food, if you try and, you know, live as long as you can for your kids and so forth. But also, you know, you want to you want to live, right? Because you care about yourself, then you will.

Let your wife also have time to work.

Out. You need to make sure she. It’s time to take care of her body and and do those things. And even at our personal sacrifice, even when we’re tired and these kinds of things, it’s that that is a calling. And then let the wife see that she respects her husband. Does the husband have to be perfect for do I have to? Do I have to be perfect for you to respect me?

No, this is literally this has nothing to do with their performance. This is what God is saying. He’s saying see to it that the wives respect their husbands. He’s not saying see to it that the wives respect their husbands if they x, Y, and Z, if they do these things, if they deserve it. Nowhere in Scripture it doesn’t say that about honoring your parents either, which is one of the Ten Commandments, right? Honor your mother and father. And that comes with a promise. We we see that.

Again and well with you in.

Chapter six, right? We teach that to our children. It doesn’t say children honor your parents, but only if they deserve it. We don’t say so. So like, that’s how the world operates. And obviously we’re not to be conformed to this world. Romans 12 two says, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, which happens by the washing of the word, by the way. And so as we’re reading the Bible, it’s going to be countercultural to what the world is doing. And so in a world where people only respect people if they deserve it and they don’t deserve it unless they are super successful in worldly ways. Right? That I just have to call that out. Because if we are only respecting people based upon their performance or their worldly success, we are wildly deceived. Wildly deceived. Because the truth is, is that the man that is more working with his hands and quiet at home and leading his family and being faithful and and all of those things deserves so much more respect than the person who maybe has, um, a half a million followers, but lost his wife and kids and they don’t want have anything to do with him.

Oh, when they so. Well, when that guy with a half million followers dies, his account is void. Doesn’t matter. None of that matters. And there’s no legacy. And there’s. Or what there.

Is, is a bad.

Legacy, a bad legacy that’s not glorifying God, but the quiet man that’s working with his hands and and intending to his family’s hearts and nurturing them and leading well as a servant and being faithful and all these loving his wife. Well, that is going to reap an everlasting fruit. Mhm. So what do we want now? Is it possible that you could do that and be financially prospering. Absolutely right. We don’t believe in the poverty gospel by any stretch of the imagination. But I think it is a good point and and respect you know, you know what happens when wives give respect to their husbands is husbands often might take some time, might take a lot of consistent over a long period of time. But husbands start to rise up to that. In a way. It’s like, whoa, she’s being so nice to me. She’s being so respectful. And it really causes you to want to earn that even though your wife isn’t requiring that. Mhm. It’s kind of cool.

Yeah. I think that, you know, when we talk about tending the hearts, there are whole Christian books that are written on love and respect. It is a title of one book and it’s it’s a pretty good book. But the whole premise is this specific scripture. And when we talk about tending the hearts of our spouses, men are really wired in a way where respect is like that really matters to them even more than it does to women. Whereas with women, like they do desire to be loved. And there’s this need for like emotional loyalty and faithfulness and, you know, and men are the same way. I’m not saying that they don’t want that emotional loyalty. So don’t take me wrong there. But my point is, is like, God is really speaking to how men and women are designed here. When he says, husbands, see to it that you love your wives as yourself, meaning like. And then there’s another scripture that says that you’d be willing to die for her as Christ died for the church, right? That is sacrifice. That is selflessness. That is the kind of leadership that God is calling men to in their homes. And it’s actually like when you think about the role of a mother and a mother’s love for her child, there is this unwavering, sacrificial, do it every day. Take care of the nitty gritty, do the mundane, change the diapers, bathe the kids, take care of booboos calmly try to get kids to have emotional self control over and over and over again. There’s this self-sacrificing like nature of women with their children, and God is calling men to do that with their wives, right? Like, not not change their diapers and those kinds of things, but like the amount of love, the amount of selflessness, the amount of sacrifice actually is what God is saying. Like, women are wired this way, but you need to like, choose to be this way.

And no human can do this. Well, no, unless they are tuned in to God, unless they’re growing their relationship with God. So if the wife is walking strong with the Lord and the husband is walking strong with the Lord, it’s going to be much easier to do this in a consistent basis with each other. But I think without the Lord it’s going to be really hard. In some marriages, only one is walking strong with the Lord, and in that marriage you’re kind of trying to win over your spouse by still doing your part, even though their part isn’t happening.

It’s interesting. I think, that, you know, when you think about relationships, when I’m over.

For the Lord.

Yeah. When you think about tending to the heart of your spouse, you need to really know them. We talk about this in the Parenting Mentor program with, like, studying your children, knowing how they’re wired, not having unrealistic expectations for your kids. Mhm. Um, and but having realistic view of them and helping them to grow and, and be challenged and nurtured and all those things. But in your relationship, do you spend as much time studying your spouse and acknowledging that there can be growth and expecting growth and, and encouraging that in them? And do you invest? Like when we talked about the attack on marriage, I said this one word, which was time and how busyness is really a huge hurdle. It’s a huge, um, issue in marriages because when when you think about loving, when you think about like women respecting their husbands, I know that for myself. Another thing that really helps me to respect my husband is honestly, when I just get to spend one on one time with him and I get to communicate with him, I grow it like it any, um, argument or any disagreement or any, um, frustration that maybe we have had in marriage. Like when we sit, we talk it out, then all of a sudden it’s gone, right? And so it’s like it’s dealt with, we keep a short list and we don’t. I mean, it’s all in with this eternal perspective also, and an understanding of who we are ourselves, that we are sinners and that we’ve been forgiven much. And and it helps you to have respect for one another when you’re both sitting there with these open hearts, willing to hear the truth, and willing to grow and change and be challenged. And that’s what relationship is all about.

So that brings up a question. What are you not talking about in your marriage? What are you scared to talk about because of the way your relationship is right now? And that is a good indicator of the real gaping hole in your relationship where you’re a fearful of their reaction if you talk about something. And so there’s just a whole category, not that you’re not talking about. Maybe it’s the spiritual category. Yeah. And that or maybe it’s the financial category, or maybe it’s the what is.

The taboo.

Topic, how you’re raising the kids category. Or maybe it’s, you know, extended family. Um, maybe it’s friendships. You know, you’re, there’s fear to talk about it because, well, he loves his buddies so much, but their kids are not great influences on your kids. Right?

So I mean, it’s really important that like, in all this, when you’re asking that question, what is the hard topics that maybe you’re avoiding talking about so that you can have, um, peace in your relationship. But in reality, you guys know what we believe about that. That’s just fake peace. That’s not real peace. It’s still there. It’s still bothering you. It’s still something creating division in your marriage. It’s still a foothold for the enemy to use to attack your marriage. And I think that that’s really like the punch line is we need to recognize that there are things in life, whether it be a disagreement or a lack of unity on a topic. Those can be footholds for the enemy. But truly, like overscheduling your life to where you’re too busy to spend time with your spouse can also be a foothold for the enemy that prevents you from actually knowing one another well. And the reality is, is if you’re not spending time intimately having deep conversations and knowing one another, then we both know that that’s also affecting your intimacy. We both know that that’s also affecting your oneness. And so the truth is, is that we need to evaluate both the the practical, like conversational topics that we need to be thinking about and digging in with.

But we also need to evaluate just the, the, the reality of like, what is my schedule actually creating? Is this creating an attack on my marriage because I’m so busy going here and there, and for all the kids and all the things that I don’t even know who my spouse is anymore. Because the truth is, is you can be doing so many things in life, and our world has a wildly messed up where busyness all of a sudden makes you feel like you’re important, right? Yeah, and that’s not truth. That’s a lie from the devil. And we need to really prioritize the investment of time that we need to put into our marriage to be able to have a strong communication, strong unity, strong loyalty to one another, to where you know each other so well that if somebody was to say something about your spouse, you’re like, no, that’s not true. That was not ever said or that never happened, or she doesn’t think that way or he doesn’t think that way, like, can you have each other’s backs? Because the truth is, is the enemy is going to attack marriage. Absolutely.

I know you have a scripture, but right before we get to that, I just want to let you know of a couple things that support the ministry and are amazing things to, first of all, the Be Courageous app. It’s free for the first week. Come check it out. Speaking of marriage, we have a whole marriage series that everyone on the app gets free when you’re part of the app. So it’s six hours. Um, and you can go at your own pace and consume it however you want. But it really goes over the six key things about marriage, and it’s amazing. There’s so much more, uh, content in there, community, exclusive resources. Plus, we’re going to do a Q&A on this episode on Wednesday, 3:00 Mountain Standard Time. Uh, and we do that every Wednesday, two for every podcast episode. And you can ask us questions too. It’s only about 30 minutes pop on. Talk with us. Get a little extra content. Things reflections from the episode. After we do it, we do one takes on this, right? So afterwards there’s always some reflection. Sometimes there’s things, oh, I wish I would have said this or that. And so we kind of talk about that, give some bonus content.

We usually give really like practical tips in there. I feel like the last few episodes when we’ve talked about things, it was like legit practical. You can go and apply this in your family. We give about.

12 minutes of that and then open up for questions. You can ask us other things too. So anyways, it’s just a really awesome growing community. The other thing I wanted to share about is the Parenting Mentor program. This, uh, remains the most important resource be Courageous Ministry puts out. It has resonated with thousands of marriages, uh, in their parenting. It is a parenting mentor program, but it also helps you with your marriage, uh, in a massive way, specifically getting in alignment about your parenting plan, which is essential that you have aligned teamwork in that. And unless you talk through the things in the Parenting Mentor program, you’re probably not as in alignment as you think you are. And there’s probably areas that you’re both not even implementing. And and so it’s super, super important. It’s really the biblical truth. But then how to apply that in these unprecedented times. And so there’s also a free workshop if you want to get a taste and get some really good parenting advice, you can get that at Be Courageous Ministry. Org two it’s completely free and you get a road map afterwards. And it’ll also show you inside the Parenting Mentor program. So I appreciate you just listening for a moment. We have two more points. They won’t take too long, but why don’t you kick it off with the scripture?

Well, we wanted to also talk about in regards to relationship. And one of the things that we have seen a lot, um, is a potential temptation for sin and foothold that the enemy has. And so Colossians 319 is, is speaking really boldly to husbands. Here it says, husbands, love your wives. Okay, that sounds good. And it says, and do not be harsh with them. Um, and you know, when we were talking earlier, one of the things that comes up is, you know, sometimes over time I’m thinking of the marriage, maybe nine years in 11 years in maybe 15, 16 years in where there’s familiarity, there’s comfortability, and maybe there isn’t, like a trying anymore. So there is a lack of sweetness in the way that you talk to one another. And I’m talking to both husbands and wives here, because I think that wives are equally just as, um, tempted to become harsh with their husbands. To be honest, I know that, like at the end of a long day, end of a long year, end of a long ten years, it’s not always easy to be sweet with your words and with your tone. And so this is something that for sure, when we’re talking about a thriving marriage, when we’re, um, really pinpointing what some of the footholds could potentially be that the enemy is trying to use to attack your marriage, one of the things that you have control over as an adult, even as a kid, and we want to teach our kids this too, is we have control over our tones. We have control over the words that we choose to use. Right. And, you know, I think that sometimes in, in, even with Christian parents, people will slip up and they’ll say something that they wish they didn’t say in the heat of the moment.

Right? They’re angry, they’re frustrated, they’re tired, maybe they’re sick. Who knows what it is. And they say something that they wish they would not have said. You can’t take those words back. You can repent. You can confess that sin and apologize. And Lord willing, God enables the person that you offended to forgive you, right? Hopefully they know the gospel and we in our marriage need to model that for our kids as well. But a lot of that can be avoided if we have it on our minds to not be harsh and to be kind to him. And I know that that sounds really simple, but I really want to like for myself. I’m like, I’m Isaac was actually going to read this verse, and I think that God wanted me to read it because he wanted me to evaluate if I am harsh with my words, because I know that when I get busy, I’m just speaking really bluntly right now. We talked about busyness and how that can be an attack on marriage, because there’s no time for the really important conversations, or for the sweet, simple interactions that get uninterrupted where you feel like, oh, my husband really appreciates me. Oh, my wife really loves me, you know what I mean? Like, if you’re constantly go, go going with little children, sometimes it’s hard to steal those moments away. But you have to you have to prioritize just going up and giving a hug. Even if you have a kid hanging on your leg.

And I think we have to assume virtue to be able to do that. Yes, that’s a phrase we use a lot in our family, which is assume virtue, assume the best in them, don’t heart, and don’t hold on to aggravations. If you’re not assuming the best, it means you haven’t forgiven them for something. You’ve got a grudge of some kind, right? You have a bitter root. Yeah, and a bitter root. The Bible says defiles many is a bitter root defile. Your marriage? Do you constantly look at them in a certain lens because of that bitter root to where you make the wrong connections about everything? You assume the worst when they’re talking, and then you’re harsh. And so it’s really important not to be harsh. Let’s move on, because we’ve got two I don’t want to miss these very important points, which is second point is be on a mission together. This is so paramount. I don’t know where our family and where our marriage would be if we weren’t on a mission together. And we’ve been on a mission together since the very beginning, where we learning what that mission was as we were going. Absolutely. We’re always that mission is recalibrating while some things stay exactly the same, uh, a legacy of faith on into many generations future, that’s always been the case. But is there recalibrations in some of the missions that we’re doing in different seasons and so forth? Well, what’s great.

About this thought is that there are missions. Yeah, plural. Not just a mission. Right. There’s the Great Commission, and that never changes. That’s collective for every Christian, for every Christian marriage, for every Christian family. But then there’s micro missions, right? Like I think of even just like the garden. Yeah, that’s micro mission. There is there’s micro missions that are seasonal. And within your marriage, there are seasons within your marriage to where your missions are going to, potentially your mini missions. Your micro missions are going to change, but you still have the overarching mission of raising a godly family, for example, or having a godly marriage or growing in your individual relationships with the Lord.

And before you get too lofty in your thoughts, of course, I do like lofty thoughts about missions. But before you get too lofty about them, uh, just recognize that your mission in your home to raise a godly family. As husband and wife is is enough and is the most important and amazing and does take huge amount of bandwidth to do it well. Like it can’t be delegated. You cannot delegate the jurisdiction of discipling and raising up your children. That’s where the Parenting Mentor program is so important because it literally we teach you, here’s how to disciple your children based on which age groups they’re in and so forth, and why, and the resources to use. And this is.

What the Bible says.

About the.

Theology of.

Parenting to be on, most importantly, on a mission as a marriage, to raise up the next generation to love the Lord and why you can’t save your children. You have the biggest influence on pointing them to God and being an example of having a real relationship with the Lord. If that is not present in your marriage and in your family, and as a focus, as the most important mission, I wouldn’t even start thinking about other missions until you have that going. Not perfect, but until you have that intentionality together. Going in a direction, I would not be thinking about the extra things you can do unless you need to for financial reasons, and then that’s fine, but it’s really a point. Let’s keep the main thing, the main thing, the most important thing, the most important thing. So we’re not later in life living with deep regrets, because we got a little ambitious in a direction that sacrificed our most important mission. It is really, really important now because I think one of the benefits that we’ve experienced, because we’ve constantly recalibrated to make sure we’re in alignment in our marriage, because the main thing is always been the most important in our marriage and our family. We’ve had the opportunity to do other things that don’t sacrifice the number one mission. And while I have at times when I was really busy with work and I had a failing company, there was times a few times where I could see myself in real time, starting to sacrifice the most important mission. I knew it, and I was trying to solve it and I was trying to get back to that as fast as I could. And I had to close. I had to choose. I had to close down my company because it wasn’t happening fast enough. And I am so thankful for that. But you know what? It’s so important that mission is so important. But what are other missions you could be on together? Well, here’s.

One that God gives us in Colossians, or actually it’s in Romans chapter 15. I absolutely love this verse. It’s chapter 15, verse five and six. It’s just two verses. Listen, may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen.

It goes back to the Great Commission.

Yeah, glorify the Lord.

That’s the mission to glorify the Lord. If you’re doing that, you are going to be leaving a godly legacy. Actually, yeah, you know what I mean. And so if there’s one mission that you’re on together, it is right here in Romans 15 five and six. You guys, when Isaac read this to me when we were preparing this, I’m like, that is such that is so good. That should be like our theme verse for our family this next year. Yes, I love it. Boom. Oh yeah. Boom. He’s so funny. Fist pump on YouTube. But anyways, you guys, we love this scripture because it legit is an exhortation from God. And he wants us to have endurance, and he wants us to be encouraged to live in harmony with one another and with Christ Jesus in accord with Christ Jesus. So it’s this it’s a beautiful example to the world when you are.

Just don’t assume you’re on a mission together. I think there’s a lot of assumptions being made. No, we’re on a mission. We’re raising our kids. No, no, no. Have you committed? You are not on a mission unless there’s lots of communication about it. So if there’s not communication, you can’t just assume that you’re actually on a mission together. Yeah. It takes being on a mission to say no to the right things. You’re going to say yes to too many of the wrong things. If you’re not communicating clearly about your missions. Yeah, you can’t do everything. You got to prune the fruit. Good fruit, prune some off. Why? So all the energy can go into the ripe fruit? Are you focusing on the right fruit? Not if you have not communicated regularly about the mission or missions that you’re on. That is super, super important. And finally, encourage progress. Galatians six nine. Such a good verse and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. So then in.

Life, there’s so many times where you can feel like giving up. You get tired, right? Um, as a parent, it can feel like you’re constantly, constantly working towards something and maybe you’re hitting a wall, right? And you’re just like, why is there not breakthrough with this kid? Or you get frustrated or you get tired or you get you grow weary. And God is saying, do not grow weary in doing good. You need one another as a team to remind each other. To keep going, to stay on the path of righteousness. It’s like, I think, A Pilgrim’s Progress, right? How many times in that analogy do we see him potentially wander off, and he needs people to point him back to the true path, and we have to do that for each other in marriage.

Totally agree. But it’s so funny. I don’t even know about Pilgrim’s Progress.

Are you kidding? Oh my goodness. I’ve read that with each of the kids I have.

I just don’t even know the story. I mean, you’re probably barking at me right now, but I just John.

Bunyan anyways.

I don’t know, I’m gonna have to catch.

That one. Hey, and for those of you who want an opportunity to talk to your kids about staying on the right path, there is even a torch lighter DVD of John Bunyan and this story of his life. He was the original author. It’s very good, but I’ll.

Have to check it out. But encourage progress is so, so important. And you can’t do that without a good relationship. You can’t do that unless you’re as well as if you’re not walking strong with the Lord. It’s going to be hard to encourage progress if you don’t understand the missions you’re on. And each person is unique, created by God with passions, interests, dreams, and then you have your joint dreams together. But I think it’s so important. And sometimes, husbands, we need to encourage our wives to pursue some of their dreams in the right season, but pursue some of the dreams, never at the sacrifice of the family. Find a way. I believe in the genius of the man versus the tyranny of the or a book said it’s it’s so important the genius of than how can both happen and sometimes an can’t happen sometimes or is the better option if you have young kids and it’s the wrong season. So think about.

That. Be really careful when it comes to seasons, that you’re not sacrificing things and being honest. And I think that that takes a humble wife or and a humble husband, whoever’s pursuing that dream to go to the other one and say, hey, like, we knew this was going to take a sacrifice, but is this just too much? Is this not the right time? Does this need to go to the back burner? Does this need pause? And we have to open. We have to hold our dreams open handed to the Lord, not not expecting that we’re just going to push through and do it so that we can say we did it. Like, are our dreams callings from God or are they selfish, motivated? Um, things that are are human right, that are human inspired. And and so I think that truly, if we are open handed, then we’re willing to say, okay, yes, Lord, back burner is fine. I’ve had to do that many times with certain books, right? Where it’s like, no, the amount, sheer amount of time that’s going to take, to edit, to finish, to, to do those things. It’s not the right season because of having little kids or nursing or whatever.

But we hope this next year. I don’t know if you saw our newsletter, if you haven’t yet, it’s in there. Our goal this year, Lord willing. And if the finances come through, we’re fundraising right now, um, is to be able to launch the Courageous Parenting book and the resolution book, and to get to really like valuable practical motivation, biblically based books for being a man and parenting in this generation, in these times that we’re in, is going to be important. We feel a burning passion inside of us to get these things out. And we need your help. If you want to be financial partners with us, we need, you know, a good number of financial partners and ongoing basis or one time two. So check that out at Be Courageous Ministry talk. But to encourage progress uh, spiritual think about friendships. Does your wife need friendships? Are you sabotaging her friendships by not wanting to have them over, by not wanting to do this? Wives, are you sabotaging friendships by not wanting to do hospitality and your husband’s lonely and you know, these kinds of things. Are your children lonely because you don’t want to do hospitality? Because everything has to be so perfect and it’s so hard to get everything perfect. And a sacrifice is the most important thing. So therefore you don’t have anybody over. Okay.

You can tell the icing. Definitely. Listen to me. Teach Sodality. He’s rattling it all off.

So projects. Projects are so important. What projects is your wife passionate about? What projects? I’m passionate about the Resolute Man podcast. But you know what? I can’t get that out every week right now because other things are more important. But you know what? It was like a month ago or a couple months ago, and she’s like, you just need to do that. Because you really and it’s good that you started.

It’s good that you started. Yeah. And and it and for you I know that doing things on a regular basis are super important because you’re very good at.

Well, I know how impact works. Yes. You have to do things consistently and never stop if you’re going to impact the most people. Right. And I’m all about impacting the most people possible. Right.

But right now, because we’ve been doing this podcast for five years, that’s where your first priority is, because your.

Priority is right here, sitting next to my wife and doing this podcast. And I’m passionate about this. Absolutely. I don’t lose my passion here because I have a passion over there. Yeah. No no, no. I love the impact. Are you kidding? I mean, this podcast is going to do over 1.1, maybe 1.2 million downloads this year, the most ever in the history of the podcast. Five years running. It’s grown every single year. Praise the Lord of the impact that’s happening through this. Thank you. Praise the Lord for you for sharing it and being part of the 10 Million Legacies movement together. While we’re far from impacting 10 million legacies because, I mean, some of you listen to every single episode, so that’s amazing. So, so I mean, 1.1 million downloads doesn’t mean one, 1.1 million people.

Still amazing.

Right? And I believe in an indelible impact on 10 million legacies goes deeper than just listening to podcasts. It means they’re being impacted by the Be Courageous app community. Are they taking a course that they’ve really grabbed on to the content and created change in their family, like the 3000 people in the Parenting Mentor program and so forth? So, uh, financial, you know, is is is progress financially? Is that something that you need to encourage each other in and find more ways in these weird times to make things work so that you can both be home more? Maybe. Maybe that’s a dream. You have these kinds of things, but the encouragement of a spouse and making progress. When Angie encourages me and I feel like, wow, she believes I’m doing a good job even though things aren’t perfect and she encourages me in the work I’m doing, it just makes me more productive. I mean, it’s awesome. So. And likewise, if our wives are encouraged and the work that they’re doing the other day, what did I do? You were been asked something on my list was to fix a cabinet area or to take out the had this little wheel on it.

It was a weird organizer that was making it hard for.

And finally, finally I just got up and I just started unscrewing, took it.

Out, and I took.

It out. I threw it in the garbage and and I and then I didn’t just do that, I, I thought, I’m going to do that. And if I just leave it like this, she’ll get down on her knees and clean it and she’ll be happy. She’ll still be happy. But then I’m like, what if I clean it too? Mhm. And so then I, I then I was real happy, I cleaned the whole.

Thing, organized all my stuff and then.

She got to just do the part that’s fun for her to organize. And I just felt like that. That’s speaking her love language actually that is like tending the relationship with my bride because she really cares about those things. So sometimes they’re just very basic things that we’re not doing. In fact, that’s true in success in anything. It’s the most basic, simple little foundational things that are not happening that are causing a lack of success. That’s true in business. It’s true in marriage. It’s true in parenting. It’s true in family law. You just don’t. You’re not following through every time. Right? You know, that is the basic principle. Mhm.

Yeah, totally. And of course as far as progress goes there’s financial progress. Also it’s the last thing on our you talked about projects. We talked about friendships. We talked about spiritual aspect making sure that each other has time to be able to be growing spiritually. Those are all important things. But financial things can sometimes be a stressful conversation. Sometimes that is the taboo topic because there’s discontentment of how much is actually being provided, or there’s a unrealistic expectation based upon how somebody else was raised, or there’s simply like a stress because there’s been a trial or suffering or something that’s happened in the family alone. The recession can add the stress, right? That’s not anything anybody has any of you have done that’s happening to you. So sometimes there’s the things that bad choices that we make. Sometimes there’s the sacrifices that we make for the greater mission. Right? Like, you know, different things that we choose. Maybe you’re not as lucrative as others, right? But then there’s the elements of like things happening to you, regardless of what the circumstances are, that that doesn’t even matter sometimes just talking about the financial struggle if there is one can be stressful. Let’s just take the stress out of the equation and not let the enemy have a foothold by not talking about it. Because if it’s stressful and you’re not talking about it so that you can have fake peace, yeah, I’m saying fake peace again because it’s fake peace if you just don’t talk about issues when there are issues. So instead, engage, encourage, progress, brainstorm together. Two brains are so much better than one. Communicate. How can you save money? How can you maybe build something on the side? Like what are the other options that you can have so that. There is less of. Maybe you don’t eliminate the financial stress, but it’s lesser. Right? But but this is the thing. The whole point is, is working as a team together and not taking it personally, recognizing that it’s a thing and that you’re like proactively encouraging one another in making progress. That’s what’s important.

Hey, we hope this has helped you and we’re so excited this year. Get ready for the marriage courses coming out sometime this next year, Lord willing. That’s right. Uh, we’re super excited.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening. And being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement, go to Be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission, and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Courageous App, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.