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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord. That ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Welcome to the podcast. So glad you’re here. Hey guys, we’ve got an episode that is so important. A divided house falls, and this has to a lot to do with marriage. Um, and even good marriages. People that think they’re really, you know, doing strong can have places where there’s misalignment that could be growing in discord amongst the children and hurt your legacy.

That’s right. So obviously you can’t parent well if you have disagreements on things like discipline, for example. So I hope you stick around because we’re going to talk about that a little later in the podcast. But before we dive in, we want to say thank you.

Yeah, thanks for being part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. I’ll show notes, resources free and otherwise or be courageous Ministry. Org make sure you join the app. Angie is doing harder. The home in there live on Fridays. Also sharing play by play on her gardening this year, which last year she got over £3,000 of vegetables.

So play by play now I feel the pressure.

Well, you just did seeds. You talked about glassing eggs. You talked about soil already. It’s in the app. Uh, I’m looking forward to what’s the next step. I don’t even know what the step.

We are going to have to start sharing the process of bringing a cow on the property. That’s another big fun thing.

So there’s a lot going on there. And, uh, plus Wednesdays we do, um, a little bit of bonus footage from the week’s episode and then answer anybody’s questions. So what’s cool is you can listen to the podcast, and then you can literally talk with us and ask us questions on Wednesdays.

Yeah. So I love it because sometimes people ask questions. A lot of times the questions are things we’ve never thought of before or somebody hasn’t asked. And it just really brings up good discussion. So so.

Cool. Be courageous in your app store. And uh, it’s a free first week. So we’re talking about this. This is so important because, you know, we’ve often said things like if you’re if, uh, if your marriage is misaligned, your parenting will fall behind. And it’s so, so true. And sometimes this just happens incrementally over time. Little disagreements accumulate. But you really need to be a united team, especially during the times we’re living in. There is extra threats on the family, extra threats on your children as they get older and go out without you when they’re older, there’s going to be attacks on them, and so you have to be unified more than even previous generations were.

It’s interesting. We want to, um, just bring this back to the word of God, like we try to every single week. You guys, we love the Bible and we know you do too. And there’s two parts in the Gospels that actually use this terminology of warning us about a divided household and how it will fall. The first one that we see is in Mark chapter three. Verse 24 says, if a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And then it talks again about Satan, and it just continues on. This is Jesus’s words again. We see it in Luke chapter 11 verse 17. It says, every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation. Desolation. That’s a big warning. And a house divided against a house falls. So obviously this is this is so important. Jesus himself was making a point in teaching this to people, um, because he wants us to be in unity. We see throughout the epistles where we have warning after warning about division. And we’re going to talk about that because this is truly one of the greatest dangers for a marriage and a family. And hey, gents, hey gents.

One of our main jobs is to foster unity and alignment in our marriage, to encourage our marriage relationship, to nourish it, to talk about things until we get resolved, until we get to a place where we’re in alignment. I think the intentionality of us dads and husbands have got to be strong, stronger than ever, and we’ve got to do some purposeful date nights and initiate these things. Sometimes it’s just like you’re tired and it’s like, okay, I don’t want any conflicts. So we’re not going to talk about this thing, but here it came up again. You need to face these things head on before the sun goes down, or at least before you go to sleep.

That’s right. So let’s talk about the first thing. We have four things that we’ve kind of identified that are some of the biggest threats, if you will. Right, Isaac to, um, marriage alignment, biggest threats to marriage alignment, or the biggest pitfalls that couples can get into where that creates a lack of unity division even. And then it affects their parenting as well as their marriage.

And we have a lot of extra Intel from doing the ministry because we get so much feedback. We do so many lives, especially in the app and lots of Q and A’s every single week for what, five years now? Uh, so it’s been such a process. So we have some Intel about really what’s happening across the Christian spectrum. Uh, even more so than just thinking about our experience. And so that’s what we’re thinking about here is what would be most helpful across the board. That marriages are dealing with, even if they don’t realize it. And the first one is threats on the family. A lot of times there’s kind of a silent misalignment that even rhymed with threats on the family, meaning that what are threats? Well, the challenge is one parent will think something’s a threat and they’re more conservative minded. Maybe. Maybe they’re reading their Bible more and another person doesn’t really see it as a threat. And so then there’s conflict about what kids are allowed to do, who they’re allowed to be around, and maybe what they’re exposed to.

Right. Like when I think of other influences, we’ve done podcast episodes on being careful to not let other people confuse your children, right, with wayward philosophies, for example. And, well, here’s the big one of the biggest things that comes to my mind is even who is teaching your children, right? Like if your kids are in a school setting, or if there is someone that has really, um, nurtured a relationship where your child is receiving respecting that person and wanting to have a life like their that theirs, then they’re going to actually be influenced by that person. And if that person starts talking about, I don’t even know, current events or, um, a different perspective on gender, for example, than what you believe that can actually be a potential threat. Right? And so, um, the truth is, is that sometimes within a marriage, there’s also a different, um, spiritual gifting. Right? Like I just think of the gift of spiritual discernment. Right. And if you don’t have a tight marriage and an understanding of what your spouse’s gifts are and what the person that maybe has more spiritual discernment comes to, the other parent comes to their spouse and says, hey, I’m just really concerned because I see this and I just I watch the kids, um, they are talking about this specific friend and how this friend was on video games and blah, blah, blah, blah. And maybe the one parent’s going, well, it’s not that big of a deal. I did video games when I was a kid.

Well, I think that’s one of the signs right there is if anybody in the marriage says, well, I turned out okay, and I did that, I turned out okay. And we did that when I was younger. They are completely misunderstanding the changing of the times and the threats and the greater threats and confusion that’s being perpetuated upon children.

That’s right. And so, to be really honest, sometimes, like if there is a parent, you you labeled that parent the more conservative one, right? Like in the sense of, um, maybe they are more I don’t know if conservative is. You could think of another word too, like more protective, right? Someone’s maybe more protective, or they have more Intel on the conversations happening with the friends. Like, I think a lot of moms are more aware of that kind of stuff. We kind of perk our ears up when we hear our kids talking about a conversation that they had with another kid, because we want to know what’s going on. Right. Um, but the reality is, is sometimes moms have more Intel than dads do. Absolutely. And so bringing that Intel to your spouse, guys, you know, it’s not that we’re worrywarts, it’s that sometimes we see things and we go, hey, red flag or yellow flag. And so we’re coming to you because we want wisdom, we want objectivity. We want to do make decisions as a team and not just jump in and be like, you can never spend time with that friend again, you know? Um, because we know that that might not be the right thing, the right approach. And so when we come to you with a concern to be able to talk and you hear us out and go, hmm, I never really thought about it that way, or let me look into that more, or let’s pray about it. If you have a strong sense I trust you. Like all of that is helpful.

Yeah, I’m praying together would be huge. Like, let’s pray about it. You don’t have to as a guy. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to know exactly what the right decision is. You know, we’re never going to know everything, right? So it’s important to include God in that. And your wife’s trust of you skyrockets when she knows you’re yielded to God in the spirit, and you’re praying together and leading and initiating in that way. Uh, wow, it’s so good. But threats on the family are a big deal. You know where I think a lot we’ve gotten a lot of feedback on this, meaning questions and things. What about the extended family and things like that? And it is usually, uh, one part of the marriage is concerned and the other part is less concerned and the other part that’s less concerned. Usually it’s their family. And so I get that it’s hard. Right. And the goal is the genius of the and versus the tyranny of the Or. That’s a saying from a business book. But I love it because the goal is to show love, have relationship with family, while at the same time never jeopardizing or allowing anything to hurt or confuse our children. And so away from biblical truth and the right thinking. So that’s really, really important. So you have to pray and ask, okay, how do we. Navigate this. There’s all kinds of situations. Maybe you’re in a cul de sac and there’s neighbors and the kids. Neighbor kids want to come over and they want your kids to go to their house and things like that. And you’re like, not feeling good about it. Trust that. Not feeling good.

Yeah, I think that that encouragement is something that more parents need to hear. If you have what a lot of people would describe as a gut feeling that someone’s influence is not good for your child, it is better to err on the side of, um, protecting than to end up with regret later. Because the truth is, is we’re going to be held accountable as parents for what happens when our kids are under our watch. Your kids are going to be in your home for about 20% of their life. That’s actually a pretty small amount of time. And so to take ownership over the responsibility that we have as parents to love and and to protect and to provide for our children is important. And while you have legislatures out there and different governmental officials trying to take parental rights away from parents and say that they’re not important, that’s a lie from the devil. And we as parents need to stand up and own the jurisdiction that God has given us and not be afraid to say, you know what? These are my kids. God gave them to me to raise, and I would prefer that they are not learning that in the school system. And so I’m going to make this decision and this decision. And so I think that sometimes we as parents have to be encouraged. You got to hear that from somebody. So I hope you’re hearing that from Isaac and I today. Listen to your your instincts. But it’s more than that. If you’re walking strong with Jesus and you are in prayer and you’re in the Word of God and the Holy Spirit is indwelling in you, it’s really ask the Holy Spirit to give you the confidence and the courage to do what he is nudging you to do in protecting your kids. And I think that that that right there, it’s like now it’s a matter of obeying God and doing what? Walking in the spirit rather than like, oh, I just I don’t know if I like that, you know what I mean?

So you got to talk it out. You got to pray it out. You got to spend quality time together and quantity time sometimes late into the night, sometimes Angie and I. The reason we don’t get sleep some nights is because we’re talking to one in the morning. You’re like, wait a minute. One of us has got to get up at six, the kids get up and these kinds of things. Sometimes we sacrifice our sleep for the sake of clarity, for the sake of relationship, understanding, alignment. It’s so, so important. One thing I think has helped us too is our morning meetings. Some people do their meetings in the evening. But, you know, obviously Scripture is part of that. But there’s a lot of other things part of that too. It’s how we stay aligned as a whole family too, and talk about the day and make sure there’s clarity on who’s doing dishes and all the different things. So it’s it’s really important that there’s not chaos. You know, the bigger your family gets, the more chaotic it could get. But we haven’t really experienced chaos because we lead. It’s not perfect, but we lead. Yes, we lead this way. We. Iron sharpens iron with each other. And then we make sure we’re in alignment. And if we’re not, we talk it out, pray it out. And then we make sure we’re also making sure our families are aligned and we educate our children, especially the older they get on what’s happening, what’s coming. There are very few surprises to our children because we’re showing respect to them, and therefore they respect us and share about what’s going on in their lives too, without it being a last minute. Oh, this is happening.

Yeah. You know, I just, um, I shared a Bible verse on, um, Instagram that I was going to be sharing in this podcast, and I had to look it up to see which one it was again. And it’s Hebrews 13, verse 17. I just want to share this with you guys. It says, obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls as those who must give an account, let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unproud profitable for you. And so here’s the thing. Obviously this is speaking. This is a good word for everyone. It’s in the Bible for all of us. We all are under some form of authority. Um, as a wife, I’m under the headship of my husband. In that sense, there’s our children are under our headship, both of us. Right. And so this is a good word for them. This is speaking to the church also, I think of being under elders, being under, uh, a shepherd, a pastor. Right. And so there is, um, a need though. So while this is speaking specifically to, let’s just say kids for a second, this would be a good word for them. Hey, obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls. Yeah. Do parents watch out for their kids souls? Hundred percent.

Does the Bible say children obey your parents in the Lord? For this is right. Ephesians six. Yes, that’s Scripture right? And so when it’s saying obey those who rule over you and be submissive for they. Watch out for your souls. Parents are watching out for their souls. They love their kids. We know you love your children more than anybody else. Loves your children. Yeah you do, and you’re watching out for their souls. And it says you’re going to be giving an account to God. And so that right there is a huge encouragement to us as parents to go, whoa, okay, we are going to give an account that’s not Isaac and Angie’s opinion. That’s God’s word. And recognizing that this con, this, um, threat to marriage, alignment of having, um, suspicions or a gut instinct is how it might turn out at first, when you are walking in the word every day, you are going to see, um, you are going to see people live out the doctrines of their lives as you are living out the doctrine of your life, as you’re living out walking in the word, you are going to see people walking out either the word or the world. And there’s going to be a very stark difference. There is light and there is darkness.

There’s no in between. There’s light and there’s darkness. We read about that in first John chapter one. Right. Walking in the light. As those who are in the light have fellowship with God and one another. When you are having a hard time having fellowship with someone, it’s usually because there’s darkness, meaning sin of some kind. And that’s not just a gut feeling, that is the spirit that dwells inside you. As you’ve been residing in the word, giving you discernment to go, something is off. Lord, would you reveal truth in this moment as the prayer that needs to be on the tip of your tongue reveal truth, expose lies, expose sin? May we have fellowship together and be walking strong? Here’s the thing when you have friends, family, coworkers, right that maybe you are concerned about with your kids, I want to ask you, is it because you just disagree on opinions? Or is it that there’s literal biblical truth that is being either, um, mocked and made fun of, or that there’s opposing worldviews? So opposing biblical worldview that is being purposefully taught to your children? If so, then there is a need for there to be some discussion about how are we going to go about setting some healthy boundaries to protect our children’s souls, because we know we’re going to give an account?

Here’s what happens to close this out, because we have three more points. Uh, is that let’s say there’s peer pressure, uh, happening to one of you, and the other person is kind of just not really taking a position. And you guys decide to allow your children to do something. Now, let’s say that decision, the cumulation of other decisions, maybe has grown as they get older for them to start veering in their faith and being a little more worldly. So even if you’re marriage is mostly aligned, but because there’s looseness in it and what you allow your children to do, as they get older, they start veering away from, you know, respecting you from, uh, you know, agreeing with the Bible and these kinds of things. Well, you know, what? There’s there is, um, a divided house because. Are your children in your house? Yes. And and when a house is divided, it gets harder and harder and harder as those children get older. I think that’s why people say, oh, wait, for the teenage years, we never experienced the tragedy of the teenage years. Of course, nothing’s perfect in our home. There’s challenges here and there. But you know what? Overall, it’s been amazing to have teenagers. And I think it’s because we take this seriously and we’re communicating often, and we’re not just allowing we don’t allow pressure on us to cause us to cave to do anything.

No, I think that parental peer pressure is a really big deal. We talk about that more in depth in the Parenting Mentor program. Um, because I even think about specific lifestyle choices that you might make, whether you’re going to do sleepovers or not. Right. Like there’s going to be pressure to do that. And I think that when you have set your when you as a married couple are in alignment and you make a decision and you move your family forward with that decision and you’re strong together, then it is it becomes the thing that is like not even a topic that comes up anymore. I can’t even remember the last time one of our kids asked if they could sleep over. It’s literally not a thing. It’s not a thing because the people that are in our lives know us well enough that they don’t try to persuade us into their own ways. Do you know what I mean? And that’s what you want. You want to have a community of people that have respect for where you are. That doesn’t mean that they necessarily agree with everything that you are as far as your opinions or your, um, your decisions on things. But for them to have respect to where they’re not trying to create division in your family, that’s the other thing, is that sometimes when you have relationships and you have loyalty and friendships, when someone else has. As an agenda because they want to do something or they disagree. Like I think of friends of kids, right? Like if they want the sleepover, let’s just use that as an example. Then they may try to influence because they want it, not because it’s what’s best for your kids, but because it’s what they want. Right? And so when you have a united front and your kids already know what that is, they can go, oh no, that’s just not happening, dude.

Like if anyone tries to cause discord in our family. It’s not going to happen. It’s just not going to happen. Yeah. You know, we’re not going to allow that to happen. And so it’s really important you got to have that kind of resolve gents. You got to be resolute men unwavering in this. It’s super important.

No I love that you just said that. Because that is the one thing that really gets to you, right, is when people are, are are purposefully trying to push their I don’t know their opinion or belief or whatever. And it’s something that we are already opposed to. For example, specifically, um, it feels like they’re literally coming against you and trying to create division in your family, and that’s very dangerous. This is the thing, though, guys. It’s not just that Isaac is sitting here saying, I won’t allow that to happen and has this strength. And he’s he’s exhorting other men to be resolute. There’s actual biblical warnings all throughout Scripture about the dangers of division and avoiding people who try to come in and create division.

Real friends would never do that.

That’s right. So let’s just look at a couple of these, for example. Okay. We got Romans chapter 16, verse 17. It says, now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions. So take note of those who cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. Like he’s not he’s they’re not saying avoid the doctrines. They’re saying avoid those people that are literally trying to cause division and offenses in. And this is a warning for like divisive persons. It’s just in Romans. It continues on. It says for those who are such did not serve the Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple. Deceive the hearts of the simple. Are your children simple minded? The Bible also, somewhere I’m trying to think of where Paul talks about this. But children needing spiritual milk and then as they grow up needing meat, right? And that when we’re a baby Christian, it’s more of a spiritual milk. And the more mature that we grow, the more we are in the word, the more we are, um, practicing spiritual disciplines like prayer and worship and so forth. We’re getting to know God. We’re building a stronger relationship. We are not as naive as we once were to waywardness, and that is describing a child.

So as parents, we have been put in their lives to protect them because there is an innocence, especially when you’ve done a good job as a parent, then there’s an even more of an innocence, right? But as parents, Isaac and I have done this courageous parenting ministry not so that you raise a whole bunch of naive, innocent children. No, no, no. Do we want them to be innocent as doves? Yes, because God’s Word wants all adults who are walking in him to be as innocent as doves. But we are to be as smart and wise as a serpent. So that means we need to equip our children. Like Isaac was saying earlier in talking about the things that people believe that are different than us. You don’t just, like, put a blindfold over your kids and never want them to see it or hear it. No, no no, no. It’s that we need to equip them so that they’re prepared with an answer for why they believe what they believe. And it should always go back to the Bible. So if you’re living biblically, there should be less of an opportunity for division if your kids are safe.

I love that equipping your kids with answers on why they believe what they believe, or why the family stands for what they stand for, uh, so that they’re not left feeling foolish or not knowing to say or caving to peer pressure. So important. Hey, let’s go to step two. Uh, the next point here, we just want to take a second to share the Parenting Mentor program with you. Over 3000 parents have had their legacies forever impacted. I mean, it is incredible what God’s doing with the Parenting Mentor program, the self-paced program at courageous Parenting.com. Let’s just listen for a moment and then we’ll get back to the podcast episode.

Stephen, I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.

This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me the vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in Scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it. One of the.

Best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation. I mean.

The next one is is. Is simple. In some ways. People might think it’s simple, but it’s actually not.

It’s faith. It’s, uh, alignment in your faith, what you believe, and spiritually speaking. You know, most importantly, essential doctrines of the Bible, having agreement on those, you know, before you got married, you came from different backgrounds. Have you reconciled and come into an alignment about your faith? Of course, your faith is personal between you and Jesus. Absolutely. But also when you get married, the Bible says to become one flesh, and that is physical. But it’s also more than that. And so it’s really important that we are parenting from a place of alignment in our faith and what we believe about the Bible. And so it’s really important to study doctrine together. If there’s a place of disagreement, study it together and pray together and come to a place where you can agree. I think that’s really important. You know.

I think that there are probably couples that are listening that are able to pinpoint some of the things that maybe they disagree on. And there maybe there are some couples out there who have swept that topic under the rug simply so that there’s tranquility in their family. Um, it’s in their minds. They might have used a word like peace, but in reality it’s a fake peace because there’s still division on that specific topic. And we just want to encourage you guys that it’s super important that you dig into the Word of God. You take the time to study the word and come together in alignment in your decision, and that you stand firm in that truth together. Right. And the reason why it’s so important is because you’re all going to have friends. Like, the more the years go on, the more friends you’re potentially going to have in your life and and certain people. And if you want to have biblical friends, you’re going to talk about the Bible and you’re going to challenge one another and sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron to grow. Right. Well, here’s the thing. When you’re out with a girlfriend or say, your husband’s out with a boyfriend and they’re sharpening one another to grow, and maybe a scripture that has been overlooked or maybe read over a million times, but never fully understood to the same level, is now understood by one of the two of you, and you understand it in a different way, and it kind of changes some of your perspectives.

You need to go and share that with your spouse and process that together. So you’re on the same page. Otherwise what happens is that that can create a division, and you don’t even necessarily know that it’s going to challenge your marriage later, but it will. That oneness is so important, and the enemy will use anything he possibly can to try to come between you. And so protecting that oneness is incredibly important. We talk more about this in the app. We have a whole marriage series called the Courageous Marriage Series that we went through, where we did an entire one hour teaching just on oneness. And so I want to encourage you to go get a week free of that. You can find that in the App Store anywhere, right, Isaac? Um, but join us for that.

I think also, the Parenting Mentor program, the first session is on theology, and it’s an hour long. There’s 36 scriptures in that first session and lots of practical insights. Um, you got to remember, when we build a course, it’s very precise, meaning that it is it’s not like a podcast where we make an outline and we’re going back and forth as the spirit leads us. It is spirit led, but it’s well prepared because people are investing and they want exactly what they need, and they want to get it in a curriculum that builds and creates completion for understanding, really the foundations of parenting from a biblical perspective. And so that first session is so amazing when married couples go through it together, because at least around parenting, they can get in alignment with all the key scriptures about biblical parenting. Know it.

Is important. In fact, one of the things that we’ve heard the most over the last five years is we’ve been doing this every six weeks. So many testimonies of couples going, I didn’t even realize that we disagreed on this, or now we’re actually parenting as a team. And part of it is that we literally are bringing up topics that couples don’t necessarily communicate verbally about, and they just assume that they agree on and they are moving forward in their parenting. But but there is a need in marriage for there to be continual communication continually, um, reminding one another of the truths that are oneness in your marriage, you know.

Yeah. An example I just thought of is one of you might not believe that children are sinful and might not have really thought about it, but maybe they act like they don’t really believe that and that causes havoc without you guys talking about it.

Or maybe there’s a parent that doesn’t believe in, um, in discipline at all with kids. And then there’s another parent that is totally. For biblical parenting. Or maybe there’s a parent that doesn’t know how to do biblical parenting. They know they should be doing consequences, but they have no idea where to begin with it. See these? These are the things. This is actually one of the other points that we have, which is disagreements on discipline. This can be actually one of the biggest things that creates division in couples.

And so let’s go right into it.

Well I just want to encourage you guys that scripture is the only answer when it comes to things like discipline. And there is a need for both parents to recognize that they both are responsible for training their children. The Bible says train up a child in ways you go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. There are multiple scriptures. We see this in Proverbs all over the place where God is saying, hey parents, rise up, take your position. Deuteronomy six you will teach them my commandments when you stand, when you sit, when you rise, when you lay basically all the time. And the whole point is that we are called to be activated as parents and to be proactive. But discipline is something that is is a topic that a lot of times couples, because of their pasts, they have issues or they are struggling with trying to get on the same page. Or maybe they weren’t Christian and they just got saved. Or maybe they’re, um, maybe what they experienced growing up was a beautiful example, but their husband never experienced any kind of consequence in his life. And so there’s bridges that need to be gapped.

Right. But Jesus does that and so does his word. When there is a common faith between the two of you, which was the point we were just talking about. And it’s so important because when it comes to viewing the child’s nature. Right, which is what you’re talking about regarding sin, that’s human nature. What do we believe about human nature? Oh, do we have a biblical worldview? If we both agree that we want to have a biblical worldview, then let’s just see what God’s Word says about kids. Let’s just see what God’s Word says about sin. Let’s see what God’s Word says about Jesus and sin. Let’s see what God’s Word says about discipline. And when you start studying that together and you find, oh, this is what God’s telling us, then it’s not her opinion, his opinion, her past, his past. It’s a desire to obey God. And you meet on the solid rock of Jesus Christ and His sufficient word. And that’s what’s beautiful. There’s it’s a it’s objective in the sense that it’s not his way. It’s not her way, it’s God’s way.

Then, and only then can you actually be consistent and follow through on a biblical plan for discipline. Because if you don’t have that alignment and really rock solid understanding, one of you is going to fall through the other one’s, not one of you is going to fall through eight out of ten times, the other one is going to fall through three out of ten times. It actually takes more like ten out of ten times. It seems like children remember the one time you don’t follow through versus the eight times you do. So it’s really consistent. See and follow through. Your word needs to be as good as gold to your children and to yourself. When you say, I’m going to follow through from now on, that needs to happen. Regardless of the discomfort of, you know, shifting your agenda and getting disrupted and going and doing that. You know, we’re not absolutely perfect at that, but we do work hard at it, and we are in alignment. And we do see fruit from our parenting. Um, and mostly it’s because God is so good, right? But he’s called us to take care of our jurisdiction, which to love, protect, disciple, and equip our children in a world that’s completely fallen and wayward. And so it really does take that consistency and alignment. And if you don’t have what Angie’s talking about in your marriage and a plan that’s effective. It’s going to wreak some havoc. It’s going to be challenging. A divided.

Household will.

In your house.

Yeah, a divided household will fall. We read it in Luke. We read it in Mark. I want to read another scripture to you guys. It’s in first Corinthians chapter one, verse ten. It says, now I plead with you. Plead? What does plead mean? We just read something. Now I urge you, here we are now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, and that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and the same judgment. Now this part of Scripture, in Corinthians, Paul’s talking to the church of Corinthians, it continues talking about how Chloe’s household has has said that there are some contentions among you. So obviously he’s talking about a church, but how many times do we hear in Scripture how the relationship that Christ has with the church and being unified is an image bearer, or how marriage is an image bearer? The relationship between husband and wife is an image bearer of the relationship between Christ and the church. And here Christ in His Word is telling the church to not be divided. So we could we could take that and go, ah, that’s a big warning. We should not be divided. We need to speak the same thing, have no divisions among us, and be perfectly joined in the same mind in the judgment. But how do you do that? How you do that? It has to be founded on the same belief. It has to be in the same word of God. And so, you know, today we’ve talked about threats of the family. Obviously, there may be two people in your marriage that have a totally different opinion about if your kid should watch TV or not.

You and your husband may have a completely different idea of if you should homeschool or not, if you should do private school or not, if you should do public school or not. You and your husband may have totally different ideas on activities on your kids friends. But you know what it really actually comes down to is if you both have a biblical worldview because it’s formed by the Bible and you go to the Word of God and you are submitting to one another out of reverence, and there’s spiritual that where you come together in your commonality and your decisional parent making decisions is that you both love your child and you both love God, and you both are committed to doing even the hard things in parenting sometimes, which is like, oh no, I’m sorry, you can’t play with that kid anymore. That’s a hard thing for a parent to do sometimes, because then they’re going to feel like they’re the bad guy. But if you love your child, you’re going to help them to understand that you’re on their team and you want what’s best for them. And you’re not just going to do the thing to them. You’re not just going to take the friend away. The consequence, whatever it was, but instead you’re going to go. We believe that this is a very, very bad influence for you and that it’s going to cause division in your relationship with the Lord. And, you know, you go through the whole process. You have to explain it to them, but it needs to be mom and dad so that one parent isn’t the bad guy. Yeah, you.

Always have to back each other up and so forth. Let’s let’s jump into our final point, which is leadership, leadership in the home. And we’re not just talking about gender roles. Of course, we believe in biblical gender roles, but I believe we’re on a biblical road versus the ditches on the left side and the right side of that road, if you know what I mean. Um, when you go through the courageous marriage course in the app, you’ll see. Exactly. We don’t have time right now to cover that in depth, but there does need to be leadership in the home. And, um, maybe we could go back and forth and just speak to that. I really feel firmly that men should be spiritually leading in their homes. I believe wives should be too, because men aren’t always there, and they’re really important spiritual leaders in the home, too. But, um, but the husbands do need to spiritually lead and be in the word and to be listening to the spirit and to be in prayer and to open the Bible and teach it to their family. It’s literally that simple. On the resolute Man show Spiritual Leadership Simplified is one of the first episodes. Literally. I think it’s 8 minutes or 10 minutes, guys. Go listen to that, okay? But it is really, really important. I’m not talking about, you know, preparing a sermon. I’m not talking about most of it doesn’t take really very much preparation at all. You can open a proverb and it makes perfect sense. And it causes great discussion, that act of initiation, of opening the Bible and reading a sentence which is called one Scripture. Is profound because it’s you and your dad. It’s profound.

It is. And likewise for moms to step up when husband isn’t there, and to be studying the Bible with your kids, whether that’s, um, teaching them Bible timelines and history or memorizing scripture and teaching them, putting music, worship music on during the day and helping to lead them in their heart attitudes by way of inviting the Holy Spirit to help give them the strength they need to change their attitudes. Um, it’s it’s that daily, every moment to moment. Um, discipleship is I think both moms and dads definitely do discipleship, but moms get to be at home with their kids a lot more. Generally speaking, at least, that’s been our experience. And so it’s important that we are recognizing that that is a God given role in jurisdiction. Um, and we’re purposeful in it. And not just like letting the day own us, but we own the day, and that we’re taking advantage of every moment that we possibly can with our kids.

So where does the conflict come? Maybe there’s some rub on the gender roles. Yeah, there’s some, uh, wanting parts of each other’s roles. This kind of thing can happen, and you don’t even realize it. And you go, wow, I’m a little envious of this aspect of, you know, what they’re doing. That can definitely happen. There also can be like the baton passing, you know, like when dad gets home.

You know, that’s interesting. Where you. Yeah, I wasn’t listening. We were we were I was just recently talking about this and, um, you know, this is a big deal for, for women I think where, when especially for stay at home moms or women who maybe work from home. So, um, or women who don’t work out of the home, it can be a challenge too. I think all marriages struggle with that. Passing the baton, knowing when you’re in charge and when you’re not, and when you’re together, kind of both of you are in a lull going, are you going to discipline the kid or am I right? Like, and so here’s the deal. The biggest thing that this this is why it’s a threat to your marriage, is that you guys need to communicate. Because if you do communicate and you’re clear about, hey, I’m on the kids, you go ahead and get that thing done, right, like, okay, go ahead and change the dishwasher or, you know, you’re communicating so that there’s no, like, eyes at each other or annoyance or I.

Think assumption is the great killer of unity.

Oh, 100%. Let’s stop assuming so.

Totally.

Oh yes. You guys don’t know assumption.

Yeah. You know, just words like no, they should just no, they should just know because it’s so obvious to me.

Hey, I had two guys. I’m not throwing myself out there first under a bus for a second, because I just did this last night, and I had to apologize to Isaac. He was sitting and he was working and it was late, and he had asked me he or he had told me, I am going to have to work late. And so it was like 8:00 at night and I’m trying to put the boys to bed. And it had been a very long day of parenting, and one of the boys was having a hard time going to sleep and was just unconsolable, and I had to prepare a Bible study for for this morning. And I was just, like, frustrated and on the verge of frustration. And I kind of snapped at Isaac and I said, are you going to help me? And I just was like, mad at him. He’s like, oh, what? What? I didn’t even hear you because he was zoned out and he was working, which I knew he was working. But here I thought, there’s no way he doesn’t hear the kids screaming, and I’m trying to do all these other things. And so it was literally a matter of like, I had to realize, like, I’m so sorry that I assumed that you knew what was going on. I love those.

Apologies. Like when your wife apologizes to you, it’s like. It’s like it’s like your spaghetti last night. It’s so good.

Oh, I we had spaghetti for the first time with, uh, a new meat. And the boys all loved it. Incredible. Anyway, I, of course.

I apologize to.

Yeah. I mean, we both, you know, I think that there’s a need for you guys to have a talk about roles and about, you know, when which parent is going to be taking the baton of being in control, or at least leading the kids hearts and leading the atmosphere purposefully.

And you need to lead in unison. There needs to be a similar response to similar situations. You need to you need to be fluid in that where one child can’t exploit the weakness in your team leadership.

Oh, because they will, they will.

They’ll go to the parent that.

They think will just say yes because.

They yes and cave even if the other parent said no already. And that’s a huge, huge deal. You don’t allow your kids no, no, they’re causing a wedge in your marriage. And then you’re all of a sudden fighting because, you know, you said they could do something. The other person said they couldn’t. It’s just a mess. Don’t allow that stuff. That’s chaos. You don’t want chaos in your family. Stop it. Stop the chaos. You do have influence over stopping some of this stuff, but you have to be courageous and have tough conversations with each other.

Yeah, well, and I don’t think it’s a tough conversation to just say, hey, let’s talk about weekends, for example, right? Because weekdays are different than weekends in regards to who’s kind of jurisdiction over things like discipline or consequences. Right. Because if dad’s gone during the day, mom’s the only adult there. She knows she’s in charge. But as soon as the other parent gets there, sometimes there’s this like, okay, who’s who’s managing the schedule? What are we doing next on the weekends, you know? But that can all be avoided if you just communicate. And so I think that that would be our biggest solution, because we talked about four things that can create a divided household. And we know that the Bible says a divided household will fall. But your biggest solution is going to be in getting in alignment. But getting in alignment requires communication.

A lot of times what I’ll do is I go, hey, what’s important to you for this weekend? What does that what needs to get done? Like what’s on your like must do list? And then my job in our marriage is to rally everybody, create some vision and direction for how we’re going to get it done. Mhm. And you know she’s part of that too.

Sometimes I appreciate the rallying because I am constantly getting people to do things all throughout the week. So when dad steps in it’s like oh praise the Lord because I needed it by the weekend, you know what I mean? And not only that, but I think that he too brings in. I’m just going to say he’s the fun one. So I will oftentimes be thinking about what needs to be done on the homestead, what needs to be done with homeschool, what needs to be done, like, oh, grocery shopping, home management, all like, I have all the home stuff in my brain and Isaac’s like, yeah, but wouldn’t it be nice to go play Spikeball on the beach? And I’m like, but we have to garden or, you know, well, then we have a goal.

We get it all done and we go play Spikeball.

For 2 or 3 is super happy because everything got done. He and so I love that. I love that we can be a team in getting things done as a team and not being a divided.

God has a plan for your marriage, and he wants you to be a great team for the purpose of glorifying the father and launching confident Christian children into the world. To be a light and to have children and have them be a light and multi-generational legacy of fruitfulness. But little disagreements grow into bigger disagreements grow into a divided, front. Raised, divided children send out division in the community. And you know what? That’s not what anybody wants. And that’s not what God intends.

That’s right.

Thank you so much for joining us today. I hope that today’s podcast was an encouragement to you. We are praying for all your marriages because we know that a divided household will fall. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous History.org for more biblically based resources. Ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission, and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

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