“Dealing With Lying”

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Episode Summary

We have to take this topic seriously in our parenting. It’s an essential part of equipping them to launch in an uncertain world.

This is a battle every parent faces more strongly today than ever before. There is an orchestrated agenda with the purpose to confuse children in ways that cast doubt on Biblical truth. Unfortunately too often it comes from friendly fire; other believers are unaware of their nominalness, friends, and even family. This episode dives into this challenge with practical insights and empowerment to take effective action. Tune in for practical insights!

Main Points From This Episode:

  • Discuss different kinds of lying
  • How to talk with your kids when they lie to you
  • How to have the right perspective so you don’t get angry
  • The Biblical truth about lying
  • Tend to their hearts and teach them what the Bible says about lying.

Scripture From This Episode:

Proverbs 12:22 – “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight.”

Proverbs 6:16-19 –These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.”

Exodus 20:16 – “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.”

Matthew 18:15-18 –Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Colossians 3:9 – “Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds”

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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.

And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting and the following. Hey. Welcome to the podcast, everyone.

Hey, guys.

We’re so glad you’re here. We’re talking about, wow, a really practical, important topic, lying children who are lying, but not just that, but also equipping them to understand how to deal with lying themselves.

That’s right. So we’re going to be talking about dealing with line because this is going to cover both. As a parent, how do you teach your kids about lying? What does the Bible say about lying? But also, how do you equip your children in how they should handle it when someone lies to them or when they lie to someone else? And maybe you’re not there to mediate the reconciliation of that offense. So before we dive into that, though, you guys, we have some exciting news. Yeah. If you if you’re listening, like right as we’re putting this podcast out, those of you who have been faithfully listening for a long time. Thank you. We appreciate you. And you know what’s coming.

Yeah, be courageous. Coffee launch team is building right now. They are the first that get to order it. The first shipment goes out today. Yes. So we’re super excited about that. If you’re listening to this sometime in the future, go to the social media on Instagram or Facebook and you can hit the link to the actual website. But right now it’s a link to the launch team because we’re not letting people know what the website is unless you’re on the launch team.

That’s right. Not not yet. It’ll be complete very shortly. Very soon. We’re very excited about that. You can join the launch team, be the first ones to be able to order the coffee. Guys, I love this coffee. It’s not a surprise. Isaac, are are doing coffee because during every podcast we always have our coffee. Well, I have water today because we were kind of in a hurry to come.

But if you’re watching on Rumble and the reason I say that is a lot of people are like, where’s the videos? You’re not on YouTube. Yeah, rumble. We don’t like YouTube. But anyways, right here, this we’re giving this doing drawings and stuff, having fun with the launch team, giving this cup.

Away, the Joshua one nine mug.

Yeah. So it’s cool.

Yeah. So we always have coffee or tea or whatever when we’re doing the podcast and we love coffee, but this is a special Italian artisan coffee that is actually it’s very good, you guys. It’s it’s Alderwood roasted, right?

Yeah. One of them is the four is a yes in the Kyrgios. So. And the resolute toe.

I love how he says it.

I don’t say it even correctly. I’m sure most of our customers won’t say it correctly, but that’s what’s fun about it. All right.

Oh, you guys. It’s been a fun adventure anyway, so you can find out more about that. We’re super excited for you guys to be able to partake in that with us. It supports the ministry, of course. We’re super thankful for those of you who send in donations and who support us on a monthly basis. We couldn’t be doing this without you. There’s all kinds of expenses that you don’t necessarily know about. Behind the scenes, we have our podcast editing team. We have tools and equipment we have to buy and different things like that. So we’re just really thankful that you guys are on the journey with us, helping.

Us with this full time effort. Let’s go into lying. Lying is something that at one time or another every person has to wrestle with. Would you agree with that? I think that if someone says I’ve never lied in my whole life, they would be called a liar.

Actually.

But it’s something that can be worked and trained out and we can grow and mature into people who literally don’t lie. Not even white lies because a white lie is a.

Lie or a half. Truth is actually a lie also. And that’s what can be. So I think regarding just even false teachers in today’s church, this just popped into my head. There’s a danger and we’ve talked about this as parents to other parents regarding like who is actually the most dangerous influence in your child’s life. It’s someone who claims to be a Christian, but yet is not actually believing or living out the convictions of Scripture because then they can lead them astray easily because they seem trustworthy on the outside by putting the label of Christian on them. And so now this is the thing. We all struggle with sin at some point, right? And the the better that we are at walking in the Holy Spirit and reading the Word and and having relationships that hold you accountable, like your marriage, like friends that are in your life. And even when you’re raising your kids, the less likely you are going to send because one, you know, you’re going to have that accountability. And to when you do, you’re going to be accountable and then you’re going to repent and get right with other people. Right. And so there is this is an important distinction for you to understand that half truths or living things half heartedly versus wholeheartedly, God wants all of us. What did he say the greatest commandment was? Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. Not half of your heart, mind, soul and strength.

And other forms of lying is a mission to like if it actually lacks integrity. If somebody is asking you something and you only say part of the truth when the you know, they’re really asking for the full truth, but you admit the part that you don’t want to tell them. And, you know, kids can fall into that. Anybody can fall into that. And it’s really important that, first of all, we say this almost every time we’re leading by example and we really have to ask ourselves, hey, are we truthful? Are we truthful? Or do we purposely omit things to manipulate a situation that’s hard? Right. That that can be hard for some people to hear. So we want to work with our kids on this, but we also want to lead by example and be truthful in our own lives. So that’s really important.

So let’s just get down to the nitty gritty. What is the thing about lying? It’s interesting. It’s actually one of the Ten Commandments. It’s the Ninth Commandment. If you go to Exodus, chapter 20, verse 16 with me really quick, I’m just going to read to it. Read it real quick. It says, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. This is a form of line, because what you’re saying about your neighbor is false, not true. And so this is one of the Ten Commandments. This is a great verse that you want to start out teaching your kids. I would say that when your kids are little and you’re raising you’re trying to live biblically, you’re wanting to disciple your children, teaching them and helping them to memorize key verses like you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor and explaining what that means to them, because that might be kind of a complicated thing for a three year old or a four year old to actually understand. They might go false witness. What’s a witness against a neighbor like? They don’t necessarily understand that. What that means is what you’re saying about your brother is true or false, true or not true. And so, like getting really down to the bare bones and describing is going to be really crucial for those little kids. And as they get older and now when I say this, I’m going to assume that the older ones have been explained those things when they were littler, but if they were not, even when they’re older, you need to go, Hey, do you know what that means? But like, if I had an eight or a nine year old and I’d never been discipling them before, let’s say I hadn’t been very purposeful in reading the Bible with my kids.

That is some of the stories that we hear. And you get to this verse and you’re just kind of going through the Ten Commandments, maybe with your kids, stop for a second and go, Hey, can you tell me what that means? Have them repeat it back to you as they understand it, to see if they truly do understand it. And if they don’t, then you can explain it to them. And I would say this is a good tactic to just or not tactic, but skill to use as your discipling your children, regardless of where you’re reading in Scripture or what you’re teaching them, even if it isn’t in the Bible, but you’re explaining something to them and maybe you’re using big words that kids don’t understand sometimes, and they’re just looking at you with glossed eyes. It’s very important that we are teaching our kids what the Bible says about these things.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already. Is the date night one sheet. It is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to college parenting dot com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also you can get all of our show notes and everything at courageous parenting dot com. And I also just want to share real quick about the parenting mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it. You can find out more at courageous parenting dot com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. But Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal. This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world. It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart. We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind. It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is. Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it. One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more. We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be.

Leaders for the next generation. Here’s another one and this one. And by the way, I would keep track of all these and if you want to look at them later. And you’re listening while you’re driving or something. Courageous Parenting has a blog post with all the scripture references for every episode so you can go there. But this one is great. Proverbs 1222 says Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. What a great scripture to actually teach what lying is. Lying lips. Talk about the lips. The lips create noises and it creates words. And through words is how we say something that’s either true or not true. And maybe give an example of somebody saying something not true for self preservation. Isn’t that why people lie? Is because they’re scared of what’s going to happen if they tell the truth. Or sometimes if they love somebody, they scared to hurt that person. They they love their feelings or to let them down because God put in children to respect the parents and to to respect their authority. And I think God put in every parent I’m sorry, every child, a desire to please their parents, even if they get into a situation where they’re disobedient. Really, there’s that desire there and sometimes they’re lying because they don’t want to let you down. It doesn’t it’s not an excuse for lying. It’s an abomination, as the scripture says. But to talk about the reasons why maybe they’re lying and find out those reasons and talk through that you’re building an experiential understanding in open communication about why in these specific situations that just happened. It’s important for them to still tell the truth to you. And and here’s how I promise to respond with that, is to have a listening ear to discuss it with you. Yes, there may be consequences, but I always want to hear it and I’m always going to love you.

So it’s interesting. The other day I was reading a different verse to my three year old and six year old that also had the word abomination in it. And I would say that that definitely this verse is a great verse, but it’s definitely one that you are going to be able to have the option to go, Hey, guys, do you know what abomination means? Who knows what abomination means? Most kids ten and under, don’t know what abomination actually means. And so when you look up the definition, what you’ll find is that it’s literally it’s synonymous with hatred. So when it’s an abomination to the Lord, it means that he hates it. And so it’s very interesting when you look up the definition, that is the simplest way to describe it to a three year old. He hates it, right? God hates it. And when we as Christians are walking and loving the things that God loves and hating the things that God hates as Christians, we should also hate sin in ourselves and in other people. Not hate other people, but hate sin like we should not want to do sin. The only way you’re going to not want to do it is if you also hate it, right? Because if you kind of like it, that sin is going to be a temptation. So the truth is, is that we need to discuss this concept of really hating what God hates when we love God and understanding that He hates things that are wrong and mean and bad, that he’s full of love and that we want to be like Jesus.

And so you can get really into the foundation of what this is and going, Okay, so do you like it when people lie to you and they’re going to respond and go, No, I don’t like it. I feel like they don’t. I can’t trust them. I feel mad inside and I hate it. And they you can get them to describe the different emotions that they experience when other people lie to them and go, okay, so when you lied to mommy or when you lied to Jimmy, how do you think we’re feeling? Mm hmm. We feel the same way you feel because we’re human, too, and we don’t want to feel that way about you. So what do you think is the right thing to do? And you lead them through this process of what do you think is the right thing to do? I need to admit that I lied. I need to own that sin and I need to apologize for it. Now, this is what’s really important, is that line is not just straight out telling a lie, telling something that’s false. It’s also telling a half truth like we talked about before. It’s also bearing false witness like we talked about before also. But it’s also blame shifting where maybe in a situation you try to shrug under the carpet, the sin that you did, the little lie that maybe you did, and you try to expose and make bigger and blame, shift a different sin onto someone else so that all the attention gets on them. That’s also lying. That’s also not okay.

I see this all the time in the business world. It’s so interesting. Don’t you like those of you that maybe work careers or work or so forth or lead is so often companies will minimize what they did and maximize some other positive over here. They’ll minimize their mistake and then they’ll maximize the positives around and.

Or they’ll blame shift and fire other people and so that they don’t look like the one that was guilty in the first place. Right?

Yeah. It seems like they’re good at that one lately.

I’ve seen that in other companies as well. On a personal level, too. Yeah. And it’s it’s lacking massive integrity. It’s lying. And that’s what you see in older people. If they are never taught the importance of understanding what line is and how it’s wrong when they’re little, when kids don’t learn what God’s word says about lying, when they don’t know that it’s wrong, when they when they aren’t taught that being honest is integral and that it’s valuable and and they’re not affirmed in being honest. Then later on in life, if if it gets brushed under the carpet, which I actually that’s something that I think a lot of parents struggle with today. Right. Like they think that they can have they think it’s peace. They would call it peace, but really, it’s tranquility that they want in their home by not confronting the sin. Whatever the sin is, it might not even be lying. But I see this with line too, because they’re like, Man, I’ve just been correcting all day long. Have you guys ever felt that way? And then all of a sudden your kid will lie to you and you’re like, I don’t want to have to confront this too. So then it just I’m just going to vacuum that one up or sweep that one under the carpet temporarily.

I speak about you for a second because I’ve witnessed this a lot of times, which.

Is sweeping stuff under the carpet, not just.

The opposite of that, which is to actually stop what you’re doing, even though you really need to get your thing done and to spend actually a long period of time to get to their level, to educate them, and to share Proverbs 616 through 19, which I think you’re going to share in a second and share that scripture with them, because it’s such a pivotal scripture. And to really get to their level and understand in in and have a communication where you’re actually connecting at a heart level. And that is so important. Sometimes it’s hard because we have our agenda or things we need to get done, and there they go, lying again. We get frustrated and angry and just do a quick punishment. But that’s not.

That’s not really going to.

Do it. You want to actually you want to look at this bing, bing, bing opportunity, shift your mindset. Here’s an opportunity to train them. Some of the best training you’re ever going to do is when there’s conflict. But it only happens well, if you do it well and doing it well is the opposite usually of what we feel like doing. So, Angie, why don’t you share how you do that using that scripture?

Yeah, well, the scripture he’s referring to is in Proverbs 616 through 19. We also teach this more in depth. I’m just going to read the verse here and then I’ll talk about what Isaac is telling me, asking me to talk about. We do cover this more in the courageous parenting mentor program in the very first session that we do, because we talk about the importance of using a biblical vocabulary with your children when you’re raising them and not labeling your kids like I would never call a child who has lied a liar. And so I’m bringing this up because this is extremely crucial, especially when there’s a massive attack by the devil to try to get people to be confused about their identity in Christ. We do not want kids growing up in a legalistic home that is calling people names and labeling them with the sins that they’ve committed and that becoming part of their identity if a child grows up thinking that they’re alive. Then what can you expect from them as they grow up.

To fulfill to fulfill.

The curse that you have spoken over.

That plane because you have way more influence than you may realize.

Amen. Yes. And so I just want to make it very clear that in this, when we’re identifying the sin and we’re dealing with the sin, we need to make sure that we’re talking about it as this external thing that is not part of who our child is. But we are talking about a sin that they were tempted to do, that they fell and did that they chose to do.

They are responsible. Yes, but it’s not by you. You don’t want to change their.

Identity, right? Exactly. It’s not who they are, but it’s something that they chose. And so they need to own the responsibility of the fact that they chose to do that thing and that they had a choice not to. And so when you talk to them about, well, what do you think it would have look like if you didn’t lie right? And you go down that role playing journey with your child so that they can see how it would potentially play out if they would not have lied. That’s extremely important because sometimes kids feel like they’re stuck, right? Especially when there’s multiple kids involved and there’s maybe even lying happening on multiple people’s responsibility, actually. But what you’re trying to do is deal with your child’s heart. Right. And help them to understand that they have to lead and they need to stand up and maybe be a good example. But Proverbs 616 says there are six things that the Lord hates. Yes, seven that are an abomination to him. So see how it’s putting what the Lord hates an abomination together. It’s very interesting, haughty eyes, which I would say I tell this to parents all the time. Do your kids ever scowl at you? Do they ever roll their eyes? Do they ever glare at you? Do they ever look at you like you’re an idiot? I’m just going to say it, or you don’t know as much as them, do they look at you with haughty, prideful eyes.

That is one of the things that is an abomination to the Lord. A lying tongue. There we go. And hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are that make haste to run to evil. A false witness who breathes out lies and one who sows discord among brothers, brothers in Christ, brothers in a family. So listen to this, you guys. There’s multiple times that God is talking about line specifically. A line tongue literally says it. And those who their heart devises, wicked plans, usually wicked plans involved some sort of line. There has to be some sort of line in that feet that make case to run to evil. You could probably say the same thing and it says a false witness fault that who breathes out lies. There it is again. And it’s actually put in the same category as someone who has hands that shed innocent blood. That’s murder, that’s this is intense. These are things that the Lord hates.

Before you go into more of it, I just think about the world that that is right now. And then the even more changed world that our kids will launch into eight, ten, 12 years from now, depending on how old your kids are and how much even worse in terms of the embracing of lying by society, the the the evidence of lying all around from politicians to basketball players to whoever it is. Not all of them, but many right to just the corruption that is in people’s hearts and how that comes through. And they’re going to see that all over the place. And so this maybe is more important than ever because the pressure and normalization of bad behavior in the world is greater and it will be even greater when they’re older. So no fear at all because we’re going to train them, we’re going to equip them, and they’re going to have the Holy Spirit, hopefully. Right. And these things and God’s going to get a hold of their hearts. But your training really makes a huge, huge difference. And so and by the way, the hottie ice thing, maybe you have a two year old and a four year old and a six year old right now or something like that. This is so important to talk about when they’re young, because if you want to love the teenage years.

He.

Got to instill the importance that hottie eyes is not a good thing. And over and over again they understand what it is and when you see it, you call it out. Too often, parents roll their eyes after the teenager rolled their eyes at them. Right. And they go, Oh, teenagers, teenagers.

They just.

So hard.

And yeah, and they just let them do it as if it’s something that they’ll do. But do you realize that it’s literally creating a habit that’s never going to change? They will be rolling their eyes as far as even your relationship, when they’re older, when they’re raising their own children, they’ll be like, Oh my mom, my dad, right? Like if you don’t teach this ever, it’s not going to stop. It’s partly because it is actually a sin. It’s a generational sin that can be passed down from generation to generation. And I believe it’s one that’s overlooked all the time because people just rub it off and go, Oh yeah, that’s how kids are. But it’s not how kids are. It’s how human flesh is tempted to be sin and have haughty eyes. And we need to draw some attention to it. And. We need to make sure that we’re holding it accountable. So, you guys, I think that regarding just even this topic of like generational sin, I think that there is an element there where we need to be introspective and we need to go. Oc Is this something that I’ve ever struggled with? And if it is, that doesn’t mean that I don’t correct it in my child. It means that I need to repent if I have not, and then I need to use that as an example, a teaching example humbly for my children. And I need to share with them the brokenness that it’s created in my life.

And I think that that is extremely powerful, whatever the sin is. And I think that there’s an element there when we’re talking about things where we bring stuff up like a generational sin, as could be a generational sin. Like how many people, how many families, probably almost every family has experienced this because I bet hardly any families literally tried to nip it in the bud, if you will, or deal with that sin of hotties. Same thing goes for lying lips. If you let your kids, you don’t ever deal with lying. And then they launch from your home. And they’re in the world, they’re not going to be held accountable by anybody else regarding line except for like if they steal something, they get caught and then they’re put in jail. Right. And so the reality is, is it could literally become part of their character, a habit that’s in their life. And I know you don’t want that. We don’t want that for our kids. We know you don’t want that for your kids. But it starts today. It starts by getting serious and understanding the serious ramifications of sin in our lives and our need for a savior. So some people, some kids. I love kids because they are so honest, aren’t they? Yeah. When they are struggling with something, they will just flat out go. I can just feel I can feel like the enemy is trying to get me to do this thing.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had that kind of a conversation with the little kid where they’re like, I kind of want that, but I know I’m not supposed to, and so I’m just not gonna. And then they, like, keep looking at it, right? Like of the cupcake that they really want to touch and lick the frosting or whatever it is. You guys, listen, we need to get down to their level and we need to tell them that that’s human, that you have that temptation. But Jesus can make you strong and he can help you to not fall into that temptation to send. Let’s pray right now and you teach your kids how to cry out to God. You teach them the importance of recognizing their weakness and not being ashamed of it, but understanding that it’s there so that God can be glorified and that we need to be humble. We have to be in a position where we, as all people, regardless of our age, go, I need help. Jesus, would you help me to not lie? Would you help me to tell the truth, having these kinds of prayers over and over again with your littles, I’m telling you, it literally will help them to break the bondage of the spirit of lying. And then they don’t walk with that when they are teenagers. You won’t walk with it when they’re young adults.

Have you ever struggled with sin? Well, the answer is yes, right? Have you ever struggled with a certain sin? Well, the answer is probably yes. And, well, maybe your kids are struggling with lying. And how hard is it in your own strength to overcome a sin that you that you keep having a difficulty with? It can be hard in your own strength. And what does God tell us to do? It tells us to rely on his strength. And so when we’re really quickly saying, you need to stop lying, don’t lie. When you do that, what are you saying in your own strength? Stop this habit you have of lying. I’m not saying that that’s horrible or anything. I’m just saying it’s not as effective. What’s more effective is God helping them? Is the child relying on God to help them? And now what is the bigger opportunity here? You’re pointing them to Jesus. You’re having a heart change and you’re watching this happen. You’re watching Jesus take over your child’s life in terms of helping them to not become a liar. And then they see it happen because you prayed and they’re giving credit to Jesus for helping them not lie anymore, and they’re seeing this change up in their lives. Remember, if we operate on our strength and we expect our kids to operate in their own strength, then are we showing them there’s a need for Jesus? Sin is the opportunity to show the need for Jesus in their lives, to experience God in their lives. And when we shortcut this, we’re missing the whole big picture opportunity to point them to.

God is literally the point. And I think that sometimes we as parents, we get personally offended, right? Like there’s this this truth that if we are the one that’s been lied to and it’s not us mediating between two children that have struggled with lying to one another. Right. But if we’re the one that’s been lied to, we get personally offended. And while I have spoken in other podcasts specifically to this concept of not getting personally offended when your child sins, because we need to understand that their sin is their sin, there is an element of being offended from other people, and that is a real legitimate thing. And that would be an opportunity where you can actually talk to your child about how it has broken trust between you and them, how it breaks trust between them and their sister when they lie to their sister. And there’s an element where Isaac had mentioned omission. And what I just have to bring that back up, because sometimes that is like the half truth and omitting the whole truth, like omitting part of it. So it’s not a whole truth is a lie. I know that for us over the years we use this book called Halfway Herbert that Francis Chan wrote, and it was so helpful.

You guys got to go look it up. I’m sure it’s still for sale, but it has helped us to be able to describe to our children why half truths are lies. And when you omit part of the truth that you’re actually living in sin, that you’re living in darkness, and how that affects your relationship with other people and your relationship with God. And you need to reconcile together with your earthly relationship so that you can also reconcile with your father in heaven and vice versa. And so understanding that there is literally like a separate our sin separates us from God, but it also separates us in our relationship regarding truth and honesty and trustworthiness, in our relationships with whoever we have offended. Am I right? You guys know what I’m talking about. And so in those moments, though, if if you are dealing with lying when it’s been an offense to you as a parent, I want to encourage you to remember that you are the one that is more spiritually mature. At least you should be.

Hey.

And so in that you have a responsibility to restore the one who is in sin gently. And that means that you speak truth, but you do it in love and you don’t get angry. Amen. And so even though you’ve been personally offended, maybe those are the situations where you need to take extra time by yourself first and they have to sit in their room for a little bit before Mom comes in to talk to them. And that’s okay, especially if they’re a little bit older. The reality of what you’re dealing with is a heart condition that’s a sensitive thing, and you need to deal with it because your child, when they grow up, is not always going to have the blessing. Yes. The blessing of being in a home with people who can love them and hold them accountable at the same time when they move out, whether they go to college or they launch into the world and they have their own home, they’re not necessarily going to be living with people who both love them and can hold them accountable. And so that’s a really big deal. And for those of you who maybe are stuck in some kind of bondage of sin, the best thing that you can do is put yourself in the environment, put yourself under authority of someone that you know loves you and can hold you accountable, because that’s going to be the most helpful tool to helping you break free from bondage and holding you accountable in who you want to be.

Amen. And this scripture, Matthew. 18 is often used when there’s challenges in a church, when there’s leadership challenges and and there’s there’s an elder or somebody that needs a correction or something like that. That’s that’s where I’ve heard this used most. But this scripture is for everybody.

It’s the scripture for families.

It’s for families. And that’s the point. So, Matthew, 1815 through 20, it says if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. So there’s the first step, right? This is such a great scripture. And you want to equip your kids and understanding all of the Scripture because this is equipping them for life and how to handle when people lie to them, when they’re in a leadership team and somebody dealing with a problem when you’re part of a community.

All kinds of things and other offenses as well. If someone sins against them in any kind of way, this is the approach that we want to teach our kids to be able to use.

So the first step is go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. By the way, someone once asked me, Wow, there must be a lot of work with so many kids and them all running to you with their problems with the other kids and things like that. And I said, Well, actually we follow this, which is the first thing we tell them to do if they’re old enough, of course, is to go talk to the other person. Some things we don’t even need to hear about minor offenses that they need to solve on their own. Right. Okay.

You want to equip your kids to handle it, is what Isaac saying?

Thank you. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. So that’s when they bring parents involved or.

Or other siblings.

Siblings.

Other friends.

You know, those kinds of things. If you refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church as a period after that. So that’s the third step, is if they’re not listening to a small group, then you take it to the church. That’s why you have to be walking a community. And if you refuse to listen even to the church, let them excuse me, let them be to you as a gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you find on Earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you lose on Earth shall be loosed in heaven.

This is a big deal. This is showing us how important it is that we understand that when we’re dealing with sin and offenses, it’s an eternal heart issue. That’s ultimately the main thing that I get from that last part especially. And so I think that for us as parents to remember that this is an eternal heart issue thing. And when we’re dealing with lying, we need to we need to be diligent and consistent in going to our children and dealing with the offenses as they happen, not waiting too long, making sure that we’re not just brushing it and going, oh, it’s just a little white lie. No, that’s part of the if we continue to let that happen, that becomes part of their character. That becomes a habit in their life that’s not okay. And so what we want to do, though, is to have that approach of understanding like this and how we handle this. Parents listen up. How we handle this will greatly influence our children and their teach ability and humility down the road regarding other sins, it will greatly influence that.

I know that there have been times where I’ve come down really harsh on some of my kids, and there have been times where I’ve done it really, really well, and those times when I’ve not done it really, really well, I’ve had to go back to them and apologize. And so if you’ve made that mistake, I want to encourage you, exhort you as a sister in Christ who’s been there. I mean, we have nine kids and we homeschool, so we’re with them all the time. You have to go to them and you have to apologize for maybe being too intense or maybe not listening enough or maybe interrupting whatever it was. You need to make amends and you need to make it right with your kids. But ultimately, when it comes down to it, they need to understand what God’s word says regarding line and how that affects their relationship with God and their relationship with the person that they lied to. And then truthfully, we have to work on forgiveness. That’s a whole nother podcast is dealing with the forgiveness aspect.

So I think, you know, the final thing and we talked about this a little bit is just having a different perspective. Sometimes we as parents need a shift in perspective. You heard us talk about look at it more as an opportunity to point them to God. Shifting the perspective as as Angie was talking about is not looking at it as a as much of a personal offense, although it is, but not getting angry about it, but instead going, you know, here’s an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with the kids and and to really talk to them about that and teach these things and just realize if we do things in anger, we’re defeating the words that come out of our mouth. It’s kind of defeating they’re not effort you’re putting forth.

They’re not actually going to hear you. I mean, I think that there is an element to where you can exasperate your kids, the Bible warns. Parents not to do that. And if you talk too long with especially with younger ages, right. You can exasperate them. They can get tired of listening to you. And maybe you have too many words to where they can’t actually remember the most fundamental things that you want them to know. And so depending on their age, depending on how they’re wired, I really would encourage you guys to evaluate, especially the moms, because I know that we tend to have way more words than dads have. This is just a really good, honest conversation to have with yourself. Do I repeat myself too many times? Do I use too many big words? Do I go on and on and on about this? Because I really want to make sure that my child never does this again. And I think that we need to be careful to not cross those boundaries, maybe lay some boundaries for yourself. I know that I’ve had to do that with certain things regarding like just even time with certain kids. And I do think too, at the same time, when you’re led by the Holy Spirit, God knows how much your kids need to hear and He will lead you if you are surrendered to him. So that’s my prayer for you guys that as parents you would be fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit, being willing to be used as his vessels in discipling your children and correcting your children, specifically in confronting the sin of lying. And I just pray that you have wisdom as you go about it, that you are not heavy handed and harsh, that you are gentle in how you talk to them, but that you are confident and unapologetic and bold with how you teach the Bible and that you are really equipping your kids for their lives.

Amen. Thanks so much for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. For more resources, go to courageous parenting and courageous mom for free online workshops, blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program. Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, Live Webcasts, and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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