Don’t Raise Modern Day Pharisees

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Episode Summary

Are you raising strong Christians, nominal believers or modern-day Pharisees? Your parenting makes a massive difference and this episode will help you discover where you and your family are at and what to do about it.

No one wants to be a Pharisee yet it’s so easy to become one and the worst part is kids learn it from their parents. This is a must listen for all parents as it can help you assess yourself and your kids with practical wisdom on preventing your kids from becoming modern day Pharisees.

Definition: A member of an ancient Jewish sect distinguished by strict observance of traditional and written law.

Unfortunately, many kids in families of ministry leaders become modern-day Pharisees.

A lot of Churches are filled with nominal believers where hearts aren’t changed. It’s more about performance than a relationship with God and it shows in their lives as they don’t look much different than non-believers.

Look at the fruit of someones life to understand where they are at. If they are walking with the Lord, nominal or a Pharisee.

What are the symptoms of a Pharisee?

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The four words to evaluate this:

  • Hypocritical behavior
    • Our children learn more from what we model than what we say
    • You will lose all influence if you are a hypocrite
  • Self-righteous
  • Pride
  • Legalism

One moment a kid has a hero and the next they are in the news with some form of corruption. You should be one of their main heroes.

A lot of people know about God, but we need to know God.

Being a Pharisee is a heart attitude.

  • The Pharisees were committed to studying the law and passionate about purity but they didn’t live out what they teach.
  • You must be honest if there’s any hypocritical behavior otherwise it will corrupt your legacy
  • It’s vital your kids see you reading a physical Bible
  • Study the Bible, teach it and discuss it with your kids
  • We must be passionate about the word of God
  • Ask your kids what’s on their hearts, help your kids memorize scripture, pause to ask if they know what the words mean you just read. You’ve got to stop and discuss it together.
  • You are there to help them cultivate a relationship with God. This is either being lived out by the parents and inviting the kids into it or not.


What does a relationship with God look like?

  • Describe it to your kids that it’s like a relationship with someone else, the more you put into it the stronger the relationship.
  • If you are having a hard time hearing from God, your probably not reading your Bible.
  • Don’t put yourself on a pedestal in your child’s life as the know it all expert. It’s so much better to be humble and look things up together. Then they see a lifelong effort going in growing with God
  • Knowledge can get in the way of knowing God, yet they know all about God.
  • Wives play a huge role in teaching kids as much of this has to be caught rather than taught and most wives are around the kids a lot more of the day.
  • No one can train up a child nearly as well as the parent. No one loves them like a parent loves them. That love also is urgent to bring awareness to their sin.
  • The enemy of good parenting is time. It’s so easy to become selfish about our time and not give the appropriate time to talk through situations.
  • You must weed out the sin and cultivate a heart of humility
  • We don’t want our kids to be the enemies of God. Teach your kids to be transparent, vulnerable, and honest as they attack the heart of a Pharisee.
  • You need to break their will not their spirit.
  • Kids need to experience evaluating themselves over and over again while they are in your home.

If your parenting is performance driven, versus relationship driven, then they will likely view God the same way driving them just to performance but lacking a relationship with Him.



  • Show off
  • Self-righteous
  • Bragging and boasting
  • Telling on others and they struggle with the same thing
  • Be faithful pointing out the things holding your kids back, pointing out the good qualities in them and teaching them the ways of God.

We don’t want you to look back on your kids childhood years with regret because your kids became pharisees and don’t want your influence in their kids lives, your grandkids because they are so judgemental.

Scriptures In This Episode

Matthew 23:1-5Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments.”

Matthew 7:5 “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

1 Corinthians 1:19 “For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

Colossians 3:8-10But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,”

Matthew 6:5  “And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward.”

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Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 1 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.


Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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