If you want practical help influencing your children not to whine or to help others, this episode is for you. You will learn four lies that are too often embraced by parents that prevent them from handling this well. Then the Tolpins give practical insights into how to work with your children so that whining is rare and over time disappears.
Main Points From This Episode:
- Make sure you don’t subscribe to the four lies (Listen to the episode)
- Check to see if the whining is because their basic needs aren’t met or they have some kind of health problem so that you can parent well and help them.
- Don’t tolerate whining. You may be tolerating it more than you think.
- Teach children how to use their words in a clear and nice way
- See these moments as opportunities to disciple your children
- Get on their level and communicate well to them (details in the episode)
Scripture From This Episode:
Philippians 2:14-16 – “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.”
Proverbs 14:29 – “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”
Proverbs 15:1 – “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:18 – “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”
Proverbs 15:28 – “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
Get a 15% discount off EVERY month you are enrolled using code: COURAGEOUSPARENTING at www.Voetbergmusicacademy.com
All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org
Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app
- Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
- Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
- Powerful Biblically minded community.
- Topic-based discussion groups.
- You get your own profile and can connect with others.
- Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.
We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!
FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP
Relevant Resource Links:
The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model
Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!
- FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!
If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)
- Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference.
Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.
Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.
Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.
Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.
And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.
We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.
We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting and the following. Well, hello, everyone. Welcome to the podcast. Hey, guys, so glad you’re here. And we’re talking about that w word.
That’s right, handling whining. You’re so funny that w.
Word like which one is that?
Obviously, we get a lot of questions about this and it kind of goes in alignment with I have a feeling this podcast is probably going to be just as popular as the how to handle yelling or anger. Right? That was a popular podcast episode that we did a long time ago. But I think the reason why is because kids struggle with whining at times, regardless of their personality, regardless of their age, even parents struggle with whining. Isn’t that right? So obviously this is very relevant topic regardless of what time of year we’re talking about it.
And regardless, remember, the future is always bright if you’re a Christian.
That’s right. So I just had I love that that you did that post on Instagram today. That was a good post. I said, Hey, honey, I like that.
Well, you know why I did it? It’s because courage.
I needed some encouragement. Oh. Oh, man, I wasn’t feeling so bright.
We are so thankful that you’ve joined us today here on the Courageous Parenting Podcast. Thank you guys, for all of your support. We just appreciate you so much. Sharing the podcast, sharing about the courses, the the different merch. If you’re watching our video right now at our website on B Courageous Ministry dot org, you would see Isaac and I, we’re dressed a little differently today. It’s a little chilly out here in the crib parenting.
We’re just not getting the the heater is not keeping up.
It’s not. So Isaac is modeling the stand firm Beanie merch because he’s cold and I’m wearing my coat.
Everybody’s getting beanies in our stocking, you guys. Actually, we don’t have stockings. What are they? Little.
Oh, the little baskets.
That have all of the fun little goodies.
Everybody’s getting a beanie. We’re in our.
Home stand for beanie. Awesome. So you guys, we are really thankful that you’ve joined us. As always, you can get the point, the sorry, the the points, the scripture references, all of the main things that we’re talking about in the podcast on the website. So just go to be courageous ministry dot org. You can find everything there. You can find out about the coffee, the podcast, the courses, the program, all the things are at our new website.
And I just have to say, you did such a good job. I just have to say that the reason we’re a ministry and we sell things is because there would be no ministry unless we sold things. It’s that it’s literally that simple because we’re not a nonprofit. So there are people that donate and it’s so needed and we so appreciate it. But we’ve really decided to preserve freedom of speech and against future tyranny and government.
Influence conscience about when you’re signing up to be a non profit and actually abiding by their rules regarding not talking about political people and different things like that. So yeah.
I just am not going to not talk about politics on Resolute Man Instagram.
I mean, it’s just we’re not going to be controlled by them. So we just decided if we’re going to continue on in what we’re doing, then we need to find ways, alternative ways for people to be able to support our family and the ministry because we have a few employees. Obviously, as you know, our son helps us with editing the podcast every single week, including the kids podcast, which comes out weekly as well. In the app. We also have app fees. We also have coffee fees. We also have Megan, who takes care of the be courageous social media.
Yeah, I just say, yeah, there’s a lot. Plus it takes full time effort for me so can’t go do other work. This is.
I would say I’m probably part time in in that and then working full.
Time. So we appreciate it. I just we cleared that up because sometimes it can look like we behave a little bit differently because we sell coffee, for example. Right. Well, it’s just we thought we’d be part of the parallel economy and people can switch where they spend money that they’re already spending, but it supports us being able to give all this free content out and give our absolute best and so forth. So anyways.
So we’re super thankful for you guys and you can find out about all of it at our new website.
Yeah, be courageous ministry dot org. Awesome handling whining.
Okay, so you guys, this is a really big deal. And I think there’s some lies out there that parents believe. I’m just going to rattle off some things that I have heard, some things that I have been told when I was a young mom, things that I’ve myself been tempted to do. And it all goes underneath the title of Lies From the Enemy on How to Handle Whining. I’m just going to call it that. So some people believe the lie that, Oh, my kids are whining when they’re little, but they’re going to outgrow it. And can I? To say that that’s not true. The reality is that we practice what we are going to be living later in life. And so if we create a habit of doing something, you can imagine that that is going to become part of their character. The more that they do it and they get away with it, if you will, or don’t ever get challenged to have to grow and change. And then what does that look like when they’re a ten year old and they’re whining? What does that look like when they’re 13 and they’re complaining and whining? What does it look like as a 20 year old, as a 30 year old or maybe even a 50 year old? And I just say this because we need to recognize that in all things that we do, we are building our character, right. And so if we are allowing our children to habitually whine and we just think we believe the lie, oh, they’re going to outgrow it one day, then we are doing them a massive disservice in the future. And to be quite honest with you, you’re going to be causing yourself quite a lot of distress as a parent of an adult child as well. So that’s that’s a rule of warning. Yeah. Another one that we have seen a lot and this is the one that I would say I’m more tempted because I never fell for the outgrow it thing. But I would say I have been tempted to ignore it. Well, you get.
Busy and there’s things to do and it’s sometimes hard to slow down and attend to it.
That’s right. And so there’s always this temptation, right, when when a child starts whining to go, Well, I’m not going to give it any attention. I’m just going to ignore it and it’ll stop. But in reality, what are how are we treating our child? Are we even is there any respect towards the fact that, like, maybe they’re whining for a good reason, like maybe something happened that we need to mediate between them and other sibling them and a friend? Maybe they don’t feel good. Maybe they there’s a basic nurturing need which we go over this more in depth in the Parenting Mentor program, and we go over the hierarchy of needs and different things like that. But maybe there is a real reason why the whining is happening now. We’re not supposed to whine. So our job as parents, we need to understand that kids don’t come out with this ability to like they’re not born automatically knowing how to have emotional self control. They’re not automatically knowing how to communicate. Kids have to learn how to communicate. And it’s our job as the parents to teach them how to communicate. So if we’re ignoring, we say, Oh, just ignore it. No, you’re not ignoring it. You’re ignoring your child. And that is not parenting. Can I know this is a hard word, but ignoring your child because you don’t want to give them attention. And maybe you’ve been told that, Oh, that’s their way of manipulating or getting their way or getting attention. Well, let’s What if we were to try communicating with them, not giving them what they want, but also not ignoring it?
It’s actually an opportunity to train them up. It’s part of training them up. And another one is when people, they believe, oh, we can just redirect it. So they’re whining about something. So now maybe I can give them something to distract them with something different and they’ll stop whining and kind of manipulate the situation.
And you know what? That just seems. I’m just going to say what I always say, what I think right here on the podcast, but can’t wait to hear it. I do think that this form of manipulation is it is not biblical parenting. I’m being nice in saying it’s not biblical parenting. I think that we need to do a little bit better as parents if we are just trying to distract our child versus actually get to the heart of why there’s whining and go a step further and teach them what the Bible says about whining and go a step further, like Isaac said, and and engage this opportunity to actually train them in righteousness so that they learn how to have emotional self control, whether that’s if they’re whining, has tears with it, because sometimes there’s whining with tears and and hyperventilating and sometimes there’s whining without tears and hyperventilating and there’s just sometimes there’s whining and complaining, right? And sometimes there’s just like, complaining. That’s like I would say that as kids get older, maybe the whining kind of shifts a little bit and maybe it’s less emotional, but it’s just complaining all the time being negative and and oh, and not ever being thankful for things like that. Right. And so if we don’t deal with this, this is going to become a huge problem for these kids when they’re older and they’re adults as well. But redirecting doesn’t doesn’t actually deal with the sin, redirecting doesn’t train them and how to have any kind of self control or how to communicate. Redirecting ignores the issue, just like we were talking about. It actually ignores the issue and tries to manipulate a child to focus on something else. But that does not mean that they have learned how to stop whining or that they’ve learned why they shouldn’t be whining.
Well, this other one. How about bribery? I immediately hear you hear that word and you’re like, Oh, I would never bribe my kids, but.
Well, that’s actually what you what you’re doing if you’re giving your child a reward for not doing something. Have you ever caught yourself going, Hey, if you just stop doing that, I’ll give you a piece of gum or I’ll I’ll let you watch a movie or all. I don’t know. Whatever it is. Like I’ve. I’ve witnessed this before. It’s bribery.
Yeah. We don’t want our kids to bribe people in the future.
No, And obviously, bribery is just another form of manipulation in my mind. But it’s interesting to me because there are psychologists out there that even teach parenting and they recommend these kinds of things. They recommend having a conversation with a kid, and instead of teaching them that what they’re doing is wrong and how they should be able to communicate without having to whine, they just say, Oh, reward, reward good behavior, and tell them that if they change their behavior, you’ll give them a reward. That’s that’s manipulation. They also say, oh, redirect them. I just envision a helicopter parent that’s constantly directing her children and and distracting her kids all day long to where there’s never any conflict. But then what happens? Those kids don’t actually learn how to have self control over their emotions ever. And they don’t know how to deal with conflict or do conflict mediation on their own ever because they’re constantly being led to avoid conflict themselves.
In the short term, if we address things and we consistently address things in always a loving way, yeah, gentle way with our children, then we’re training them up, we’re equipping them. But if we get in the habit of sidestepping, redirecting, manipulating to go to the the path of least resistance, the shortest route to get back to what we need to get done. Well, you’re not really equipping your children. And today we need to equip our children more than any other generation of parents have had needed to do in modern history. It’s so important that we really dig in. I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t. Already is the date night one sheet. It is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get an alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to courageous parenting dot com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything at courageous parenting dot com. And I also just want to share real quick about the parenting mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self paced program with live engagement from us in even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it. You can find out more at courageous parenting dot com.
Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. What Andy and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.
This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.
This class has just really rocked my world. It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart. We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind. It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is. Do your legacy a favor and your self a favor and just do it. One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.
We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation.
It’s interesting because I’m even thinking about a previous podcast we did that were, I think it was five lies that will ruin your parenting or ruin your legacy. Do you remember that when we talked about like the lies, like, oh, terrible twos and boys will be boys and all that kind of stuff. I believe that there’s even a lie surrounding this that kind of encapsulates all of the little things that the world, the secular world, will give as parenting advice that truly is not biblical, right? Because Bible says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is holding will not depart from it. But if we’re just ignoring a child and we’re redirecting a child and we’re not training them in how to deal with their emotions or their feelings or communicate, then they’re not actually going to know how to go when they’re older because they’ve never been trained. And the truth is, is that I think that that lie that kids will be kids kind of sums up why parents would not deal with whining. Right? Because the whining in a lot of people’s minds kind of goes along with the little kid age and they go, oh, well, they’re just little kids. So of course, whining is an issue, but that doesn’t have to be the case. I even think about you asked me about like, okay, well, if we were doing a Q&A because we do Q&A is once a month in the in the app in the be Courageous app.
And sometimes we get questions that are geared specifically towards like little kids or older kids. Yeah. And so Isaac goes and what would you tell a parent that had a one year old that was whining? And I would say that one of the things that is going to take time as parents is that we need to understand that our kids are smart. Kids are really smart. It’s not just our kids that are smart. God was an intelligent designer when he made children. He made them smart, and they’re a lot smarter than we give them credit. Actually, if you’ve ever had a conversation around a kid and then you see them light up and they look at you and they they just kind of answer, We have that with Xander. He understands so much more than he can actually say, but we’ve had to learn his language, but we’ve also tried to equip him with like baby signs to be able to communicate. So he’s not always whining now, sometimes. Does he whine? Yes, But what is our reaction? Do we let it just continue? Do we ignore it? No. We try to get down and talk to him and try to figure out what it is. Is it is it that he’s tired? Is he hungry? Is he hurt? Is he sad? Is he teething? Is there an upset tummy? A lot of times when little kids are whining, it’s because it’s there is actually something that’s.
So I just want to address that for a second. So sometimes it can feel like an annoyance when a young child is is whining, but there’s actual real valid reason for it. And we need to always check through that. That checklist that you just went off first to make sure that they don’t actually need something. Sometimes they’re not doing something in error. Actually, when they’re little, they just are tired and we have not given them an opportunity for a nap.
Or maybe it’s our fault. Maybe we have provoked them to this place which go listen to the podcast on subtle ways parents provoke their kids. Seriously. That’s really good. Like this is a checklist what we just rattled off for you guys. So first you would go through the checklist and go, Are they any of these things? And then if they’re not, then you go, okay, now, now it’s time for us to really go into training mode.
Yeah. Because sometimes, you know, they might need more food than we realize. We experience that.
Spurts, they have growth spurts. And so you might have fed them, but they might need more. I mean, this happens at all ages. In fact, we’re experiencing this more than ever now that we have so many teenage boys.
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, they’re eating everything.
But I would say that like they don’t struggle with whining. Right. Because they were taught that there are better ways to communicate, that you’re hungry than to whine. And so instead of like when you go through the list of like the wise with a little child, you don’t just like then fix it and give them something to eat, right? Like if they’re hungry. But you also tried to correct them so that they know that whining is not okay. So giving in is like is problematic. Right. And what we’re saying when it comes to like these basic needs, right. And you’re trying to teach a child to communicate, you’re trying to teach a child to use their words as best as possible, whether that’s doing baby signs right or if they are able to speak words. Right. Like even Zander now, he can’t say water, but he does say wah wah, and he tries to do the three little pronged finger for the W And so and sometimes he’ll just bring us a cup. And that makes it easy to know when he’s thirsty, too.
So he’s a great example because he really says very few words. Now, in the last month, ball is a new word.
Hallelujah. Which is a big word.
It’s a really big word.
So he has a he has maybe on one hand, he has a number of words, but we for, I don’t know, seven months now have been encouraging him to use your words, even when he only could say mama, Right.
Or was it? It was Dada. He says, Mama, now.
But I like to mess with her all that.
He should have said mama first.
Thank you. Thank you. It’s okay.
But. But anyways, we we. We use your words. Now, if they’re able to use lots of words, we also say that, you know, we have a four year old and just turn four and he tends to get into that whining mode and we have to remind him, hey, use your words. We’re not going to listen to whining. And that brings up a really important point. Maybe whining continues to happen in your home because you tolerate it. You’ve learned to live with it because you believe some of those lies or you just believe, well, this is part of being a parent. It’s part of having children. And I would say you’re partly. That’s right. I mean, certain kids do whine, but they can be trained into maturity in this area.
At a young age. I would even say, like with with Eli, he’s four. And it’s pretty rare when he does whine because he is such a good communicator. But I think that part of that was having so many older siblings that were helping him to learn how to communicate. We had taught them all to communicate with us. So then they in turn did the same with him and and we do that with him as well. But there are times when he will start to get mad about something and he’ll start whining about something or whatnot. And it’s those times that we have to teach them how to have self control or remind them, Can I just say kids sometimes need to be reminded as to why we don’t want to whine and complain. So one of the things that we say in our family is that whining is not allowed in our family. You need to use your words. I can’t understand you when you’re whining. I think my kids have heard that line about a million times in the last 23.
So the big question is, well, Angie, that doesn’t always work. What happens when that doesn’t work? Right? And if your children are getting emotional kind of beside themselves, they may need to cool down in the room. They may need to cool down and come back and use their words. And that’s what I would say to them is I would say, hey, come back when you’re ready to actually use your words, because I want to help you. I want to hear I care and love about love you. I care for you and what you think. But I need to be able to hear it without whining. So why don’t you go take a break and come back?
Yeah. And some kids will respond really well to that and other kids won’t. And those are the kids that you have to teach them how to have emotional self control. And it’s usually the younger ones at first. And once you teach them, they get it. But you have to teach them how to calm down. One of the things that’s so important because whining can become exasperated into emotional temper tantrums, if you will, whining in and of itself could be considered a tantrum depending on what you’ve seen. But truly there are like stages of this where it can get more worked up. And if you’re a parent, you know what I mean? And so you want to catch it. Early on and teach them how to have emotional self control. But if you come home or you’re not in the room and you walk in and it’s already been exasperated, right, to to a point of tension and there’s crying and all of that, you’re going to have to take some extra time to get on your knees, make eye contact, breathe with your child, help them to have some self control, teach them some coping mechanisms. And I would say that two kids really respond well to positive physical touch, like just giving them a hug and letting them kind of get it out a little bit and going, okay, listen, you really need to calm down. Can you calm down for mommy? Can you take a deep breath, look at mommy in the eyes and you just you keep practicing this with them over and over again when they’re struggling and they will get it. But this is the part that I think a lot of times parents don’t want to take the time to do because it does take more time.
Hey, I want to just pause for a second and share a really good resource with you guys. And we’re going to go into our last couple of points here about whining. But our friends, the Vote Bergs have a music academy that’s really good. And it’s you guys all know if you’re taking your children to actual lessons, it can be hundreds of dollars a month per kid, and that really adds up. And that’s great if you can do that. But here’s a solution that’s so cost effective and really good is the Vote Berg Music Academy. So vo e t b e r g music Academy dot com and you get 15% discount by using the code. Courageous parenting. We’re not getting paid to promote this. We just believe in it. We believe in them and what they’re doing. And this is for any 12 week music course for the instrument of their choice piano, mandolin, fiddle, violin, ukulele or guitar guitar. It’s awesome. I love that. And it’s super affordable and the whole family can do it. And you get a new lesson each week. You always have your instructor with you. You can rewind and pause during the hard parts and so forth and practice it. Each lesson is song based, so by the end of the 12 weeks you can already play 12 songs on your instrument. Siblings can share the lessons too. So this is a really cool thing. So vote Berg Music Academy Use courageous parenting as a discount code and you get 15%. We just wanted to help them out. Yeah. Anyway, back to it.
All right, so you guys, we have the last two points here for you. So first of all, though, we want to share from Philippians chapter two versus 12 through 16, because as we’re going into this next point, which we’ve talked about, what the lies are, we’ve talked about like, so you need to evaluate, do the checklist, what are the basic needs? Is there a real reason for why your kids are whining but also engage them and teach them how to have emotional self control? And we talked about the importance of teaching your kids from the time that they’re young, how to communicate and trying hard as a parent to understand what the signals are of your little littles that maybe have a harder time getting their words out. But then there’s this concept of correcting your child, right? We need to discipline and disciple is our third point, right? And so correcting our children when they’re in sin because whining is a sin in scripture. We’re going to read that in just a second. And but also understanding that if we don’t correct this, if we don’t teach them what Scripture says and we just ignore it like some people do, then it will grow into a habitual response that they potentially do over and over throughout their life.
Yeah. So Philippians 214, I’m going to start there, do all things without grumbling or disputing that you may be blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the Day of Christ, I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.
I love how not grumbling or disputing is one way that the world how we shine brightly for the Lord right in this dark and corrupt generation. And I think that isn’t that what we want? Like today there’s a massive attack. There’s lies everywhere from the enemy on the children of this generation, of the young people of Generation Z, if you will. But I would say that there is a full force attack on just deception in general. Yeah. And if we are to be a light in the world, then we need to live differently. So one of the things, one of the ways that we can teach people and show people, show people that kids are a blessing is to be able to train our children and teach them, Listen, God’s Word says that grumbling. Complaining is another translation whining, disputing among ourselves. Those things are not things that shine a light in the world. So when we’re out and about, when you have joy and you are not doing what the rest of the world does, when you are not doing what other kids are doing that are not being raised biblically, then you show the world that children are a blessing.
Then you shine a light and that is huge. So if we teach our kids like that is part of their purpose in the Great Commission when they’re children. But there are a few verses here that are super encouraging or exhorting, if you will, for both parents regarding how we react to our kids, because that’s huge. Whenever we talk about correcting your children or discipling your kids, we feel this burden to bring up the warnings that are in Scripture, that are written specifically to parents, things like Colossians 321 that say fathers do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged. Right? So if you are provoking your children and again, we’ve done a whole podcast on this, so I’m not going to go in depth on this specific verse. You guys, we’re held responsible, right? And when we’re discipline, we need to realize that we’re going to be held responsible and how we respond to our children. So here’s a couple of verses. Proverbs chapter 14, verse 29 says, Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper, exalts folly.
Wow. Exalting folly. If you’re short tempered, a hasty temper, think about that.
I mean, I think that it’s interesting, Like these are verses that would be good standalone verses to memorize with your kids so that because we’re whining, I mean, sometimes kids whine because they’re quick to become angry or frustrated and they start complaining, right? Or they whine, but sometimes they get angry. Sometimes people have a hard time with the child, like automatically going straight into anger, right? So memorizing this with that child would be good. But this is also a good word for parents, because I think whining is one of those things that can be a trigger for parents in getting angry. Yes. And so whoever is slow to anger has great understanding. Don’t we want to live with understanding with our kids? I know I do. But he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. And again, if you go to chapter 15, so same page, verse one says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. So if you are responding to your child with a soft voice and you’re trying to get them to mimic you, this is one way that you teach how to have emotional self control is that you have to have it first and you get down to their level and you make eye contact with them and you give them a hug and you say, Breathe with me, let’s calm down. Right? If you’re using a soft tone, it will turn away wrath.
I want to mention.
Harsh word stirs up.
Anger. Make sure people didn’t miss what she just said. This is so important. We do. This is you have to get down on a knee. Get down on their level.
You know, tact is huge.
Take time. This is an opportunities. A lot of times we look at these things as is is a frustrating moment because they’re moving me away from the things I’ve got to get done. But really this is an opportunity. If you seize those opportunities, you you will lead to less frustration in the future, in your equipping your children and how to navigate relationally in a fruitful way. Isn’t that what we want? And so this is so important that you’re talking to them slowly. You’re helping them calm down. If they’re losing their temper, if they’re just whining, you’re like, okay, I want you to say that again, but I want you to use your words and just tell me what’s going on. Yeah. And and if it still doesn’t work, take your time. And then if they need a timeout, you can do that. And then do it again. Get down on their level and talk to them. Hey, parenting is a long game. Like you’ve got to do the do the work all the little things. It’s in the mundane moments that parents choose a harder path that’s better in the little things that leads to this really long term beautiful picture, right?
Well, and I even see that here in the next verse, which is Proverbs 15, verse 18, it says, A hot tempered monsters of strife. But he, who is slow to anger, quiets contention. And I just even think like when we’re talking about this, you know, first we look at ourselves and we go, Am I a hot tempered man? Am I hot tempered woman? And if so, then we need to repent that and change. But recognizing that, like we grew up and we are currently adults, right? Our children are little and we don’t want them to become a hot tempered man or a hot tempered woman. And so we must do due diligence and engage our children in the opportunities that we have or they will potentially become the hot tempered man that stirs up strife.
Right? Think that’s a good way to kind of close is just a reminder of what are we modeling? What are we modeling in our marriage? Did the children hear complaining, whining and things like that? And for some people, some people naturally are more optimistic than other people. There are people wired a little bit differently that that look at kind of why things aren’t going right versus the things that are going right. And maybe that’s one of you in your marriage and that person probably is going to need to improve how they model things because that will trickle down into the family. And it doesn’t matter what you say, if it’s not modeled correctly, it’s kind of like, okay, I’m hearing you, but I’m seeing something different. And that’s why so many children, when they become teenagers, they just think in their head, what a hypocrite. I love you so much, but you’re a hypocrite. It’s like they probably don’t say that, but it’s just hard for them and they don’t even know how to pinpoint it. Maybe to respect and follow what parents are saying in the teenage years, perhaps because of what was happening when they’re younger.
Now, it’s totally true. I think that it’s important that we recognize that God calls us to discipline our children and to disciple them. And so discipline, when your child is a disciple, you should be able to say, do as I do. Right. And understand that we’re trying. We’re supposed to be modeling for them what they should be living. So let’s just wrap it up with this last verse, because a lot of you might be going, okay, but in the moment, sometimes I have this rare circumstance. Many of you are probably listening going. Angie, hold on a second. I have a question. Right. Well, let me just encourage you with this verse. In Proverbs 1528, it says, The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. The the the heart of a righteous ponders how to answer. You know what it reminds me of? James chapter one two where God promises to give wisdom without reproach right to anyone. And but we have to ask with faith. And if you’re truly walking with Jesus and your heart’s desire is that you want to know how do I. How do I respond? How do I do it? Lord, with this kid that maybe has autism or this kid? Because we didn’t really go into like kids who have potential special needs and maybe are more high maintenance or have eating issues or there’s so many different things, right? That I hear these questions all the time.
And I don’t want you to feel like we’re not trying to touch on that a little bit, but the Bible speaks to you hear the heart of a righteous. The righteous ponders how to answer, ask God how you should answer your child, and he will give you the wisdom, the understanding, because that’s your heart’s desire is to be able to live with your child and understanding, to be able to train them in righteousness so that they have a good life that follows in God’s will. Right. And so we just pray that this has been encouraging to you guys. Thank you so much for joining us today. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. For more resources, go to courageous parenting and courageous mom dot com for free online workshops, blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program. Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.
This is an incredible self paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, live Webcasts and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragements straight to your phone.
If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program. Secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com