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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Today’s episode is a growing thing on our hearts that we have sensed for a while but have not seen people talking about out there.

You guys, we are talking about direct influences that are in your kids lives, whether that be a coach, teacher, youth pastor, Sunday school teacher, tutor.

Family, friends.

All the people. And so we’re talking about some really important like initiatives for parents to step up, courageous parent challenges, if you will, actually. And you know, it really comes down to having your kids hearts and who has your kids hearts.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children Biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community. Enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 million legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes and other biblically based resources. Go to be courageous ministry.org.

Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the podcast. What a wonderful thing to be called parent. What an incredible opportunity we have.

Oh man, We’re super excited to talk to you guys about today’s topic. We are talking about keeping your child’s hearts and directing their influences. So yes, we will be mentioning teachers, coaches, youth pastors, pretty much like, I don’t know, music teachers, anybody that could potentially have influence in your.

Family’s lives, anybody, anybody that has influence. This is really important to think about, and it’s something that we really felt prompted to share with everybody today. So we’re super excited about it.

It’s going to be encouraging, I’m sure. And listen, if you have a pastor or a children’s ministry director or somebody that you’re close to, send them this podcast because I think that this could be really an encouraging thing to them, to this concept of partnering with other people who are biblically minded versus there being like different authorities in a kid’s life and how that could be confusing to them, right?

Yeah, because there there can be influences in your children’s lives that are very additive, very helpful, very productive and good. But we want to make sure that those influences have a right orientation of how important you are in your children’s lives as parents. And that is really what this is about, because I think you’ll agree it’s far easier to trust somebody having influence on our children, whether it’s a coach or whoever it is. If they understand that you are the most important influence in your children’s lives and you care and you want them to turn their. Your children back to you in relationship if they ever talk to them about anything.

That’s right. Okay. So wait. Before we dive into all this, we have an exciting announcement for the Be Courageous app. And you guys, this is so this is huge. Okay. Because I think so. Well, I think that I’ve been loving being in the Be Courageous app, especially recently now that I have a better upgraded phone that will work. Yeah, I’m excited to be able to post more often and be in there with you guys a lot and it’s been exciting to see how people have been engaging and communicating with one another. It’s really cool the community that is built there, but we have an awesome opportunity.

Isaac Absolutely. We’ve just decided it’s so important that everybody gets the chance to see what the app is to be in the community without being charged first, right? To have an opportunity for a week just to try it out and, you know, engage with people too, or engage with nobody. But go get the marriage series, go get the redeeming childbirth series, the kids podcast, all other resources that are in there, the lives, the Q and A’s we’ve done by topic. You can look at. We wanted people to be able to experience that and decide for themselves. Is this something that’s worth investing a very small amount of money in on a monthly basis? And of course you always have the opportunity to cancel. So now you can download it in Google Play, Google your Google store or your Apple store and get it completely free for seven days, which is.

Exciting because then people can actually take advantage of the exclusive content that we have really poured ourselves into creating. Like, for example, the redeeming childbirth. I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked, Do you have an audiobook? Do you have an audiobook? Well, we have something better now. We have a video book with Q&A and there’s 22 sessions where it’s an hour each where we go through 1 to 2 chapters of that book in order chronological order. So that was super exciting. But people can try it out for a week and then they can decide if they want to stay.

So go download it specifically now, because when you’re listening to this episode, we also launched the podcast Q&A in the app where you can write your question and we’ll get in there and answer it. Also extra footage right when we finish shooting this episode, there’s always some thoughts, There’s always things we wish we would have said, things like that, or extra discussion points that we think are helpful. We’re getting feedback that that extra ten minutes is super valuable and you can listen to that only in the app too, if you want, right, where we’re doing the discussion.

That’s right. So there’s a lot in there and it’s super fun.

Come join us, come join us. And of course all resources are be courageous ministry.org. We so appreciate your prayers sharing on social media to help the 10 million legacies movement and all of the above. But let’s dive into this episode. We have three points for you. Do you want to cover them? Okay, we.

Are going to talk about the God given parental authority. We’re going to talk about partnering influences that can be positive and healthy. We may even talk about some warning signs on things that are not healthy and then teaching your kids. The third point is teaching your kids that relationships are a two way street. And this is really an important intentional parenting topic, really. So let’s just dive in. Really what we are doing today, we want to encourage you guys and call parents up. There’s a little step that we are courageous parenting challenge, if you will, that we want to give you guys today. If you have any influences in your child’s life that you’ve chosen, whether it’s a teacher, a coach, a youth pastor, a guitar teacher, piano teacher, grandparents, grandparents, maybe there are friends that you’re walking in. The local community with that have influence in your child’s life, that are teaching skills to your kids, like apprenticeship style or whatever. Okay. Babysitters. They are also influential that we have the courageous parenting challenges that you would have a conversation with those people that you’ve chosen to have influence in your child’s life and say, Hey, I just appreciate you and I wanted to have a little chat to encourage you so that we can be partnering better as I am raising my child and to know that I am being intentional. I just want you to know I’m being intentional in trying to biblically parent my child. So if they have any questions and things like that, would you please help me out by pointing them towards me? That’s it. That’s the conversation that you have. You appreciate them and then you challenge them to be on your team.

That’s awesome. And what’s not on your team is if they start having a kind of a relationship where your child is telling them things that your child is not telling you and they have that kind of thing going and that is not healthy.

We’ll talk about that in a little bit. But let’s dive into the very first thing. So the God given parental authority, this is something that’s getting challenged even at a state level. And we’ve seen that with certain laws that have been in the works and even being passed in places like California, there’s a real challenge for parents to feel like they have the authority that God has given them. And so we just wanted to remind you of some of the scriptures that point out what your parental authority is and remind you that no law given by a government can take away a God given authority. And so the first one we want to share with you is real simple. It’s in the Ten Commandments. It’s Exodus 20, verse 12, actually, which I’m sure that you guys, you know, have memorized. But it says, honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land, that the Lord, your God is giving you. I mean, do you want your kids to have a long life? Yeah. Oh, I mean, I want my kids to have a long life. To have a healthy life, to experience God’s prosperity in their life, for them to work hard. I want them to grow in him. But I also know that we live in a fallen world, right? And hardships will come. But if they know this Scripture, honor your mother and father that the that you may have a long life, that the Lord, thy God has given you, that that’s a blessing that we should be teaching our children. And that shows that God is saying, children, listen, honor. How do your what what would it look like for you to be honored? Let me just ask you that question. If you’re a parent, what would it look like for you to feel like your children are honoring you? And we need as parents, we say this all the time. We need make it easy for our kids to want to respect us, to want to honor us. And but at the same time, we’re we’re human, right? And right here, not perfect.

Right here in Ephesians six, it says Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. We gotta tell them the why. Don’t just say the first part of the scripture to your kids, but tell them that second part. Because don’t your children want to know why? I mean, God knows that all of his children want to know why. Right. So there’s the why. Then it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. And then verse four says, Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Which definitely tells parents what not to do, but also what to do. Yeah, right. That right there is God telling parents, Make sure that you are disciplining your children and you’re bringing them up in the instruction of the Lord. And so that is like an authority. But God has given parents.

Exasperating.

Right? Not provoking them to anger. Right. And so if you guys want more on those that that’s like a that’s a soapbox in and of itself, that’s a whole teaching, which we actually did a whole podcast on ways that parents provoke their children. Go look that one up. I believe it was in the previous season, really good podcast episode on that, if that’s something you struggle with. Absolutely. Here are a couple other additional verses that really point to the authority, if you will, that God has given parents. He’s speaking to anyone who is a child here in in a sense, if you read through Proverbs, you’re going to see it everywhere, starting in Proverbs chapter one, even verse eight and nine, which says, Here, my son, your father’s instruction and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful Garland for your head and a pendant around your neck. So obviously there’s going to be instruction coming from a father. There’s going to be teaching coming from a mother, and those things should not be forsaken. They should not be ignored. Instead, God saying, hey, listen up, pay attention. Right. And so obviously, if the if this is what God is telling a son to pay attention to the parents and that means the parents. Need to follow through and actually do teaching.

And so what are we seeing in culture right now? We’re seeing a draw towards the state should have the most influence over children, the government. Right. We’re also seeing, you know, sometimes people who are in positions where they influence a lot of children in groups and so forth, they can start to have a feeling that there aren’t that many intentional parents out there that, you know, they really do need to invest and so forth. And that is a good thing. But when you go and tell them you are an intentional parent and you want them to point them back to you, that says something that’s differentiating and good knowledge for them that you’re not like some other parents that may be completely not involved and drop.

Off, don’t want to know.

And just not investing in their children and that kind of thing. So that’s really important because the the the way we see things going is just worse in that direction, which is parents not really understanding their God authorized responsibility and then other people understanding that parents aren’t taking that intentionality seriously in the masses, even though you are. And so it’s really important that we understand that and we communicate that to other people that have influence so that we can be partnering with them.

You know, it’s also interesting is that right now what you see is, well, I think that in all generations there’s been somewhat a struggle of rebellion from children to parents. You see it especially I mean, in in really in situations where kids don’t respect their parents. Right. But you also see it in family settings where parents are not intentional with their kids or not involved or there’s a lack of relationship there. Right. And the the thing that I think is the most important as a parent, if you have little kids, I would encourage you to read over the verses that we are going over with you right now to your kids to do a study on them. Like, did you know that God has given mommy this authority? Wow, this is such a big responsibility and I love it. But I want you to know and one day, God willing, you will also be a parent. And then it will be your responsibility to raise your children and to teach your children. It’s important that we teach our kids these things. And I think if we do, there’s going to be less pushback when we’re doing the teaching because that pushback is human nature. Right? And so I just want to share one more verse with you guys so that you are equipped with at least four verses here. So we went over Exodus 2012, which is huge. We talked about Ephesians six four and five. Another one was Proverbs one eight through nine, and now I’m going to read to you from Proverbs chapter 23, verse 22 to 25. It says, Listen to your father who gave you life.

That is literal. Okay. Listen to your father who gave you life and do not despise your mother when she is old. Wow. That is huge, right? Because how many of you guys potentially think like if you have an older mother now, unless your mom was in her late years when she gave birth to you, like Sarah and Abraham, the majority of you guys, your moms gave birth to you when you were in your when they were in their 20s and 30s, maybe in their 40s. And so they’re not technically old until they’re like in their 70s. Right. And so if you’re not despising your mother when she’s old, that means that when you’re in your 40s and 50s, you’re not despising your mother. This is a huge message for all of us, even myself. Right? Listen to your father who gave you life. That’s not saying just when you’re a kid living at home, listen to your father who gave you life and do not despise your mother when she is old. So that means that in your 40s you should be listening and not despising your mother. Right? By true by truth. Like purchase it and do not sell it by wisdom and instruction and understanding. Where do you get wisdom from? Like usually wisdom comes from like talking to people who are older, who’ve lived life, who’ve gone before. You have hindsight, right? So it’s saying, go and get it, buy it. I even think of like there are people who pay for like coaching fees, right? Like they purchase wisdom and understanding objectively. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice.

He who fathers a wise son, will be glad in him. So he who fathers that means that there’s something called fathering He who fathers a wise son. So that means that a son doesn’t become wise without his father helping him become wise. That’s what that verse is saying to me. And let her who bore you rejoice. And you know, we’re not supposed to be doing things for the approval of even like our parents, right? We want to always do things for the approval of God. But if we are doing things for Christ and we are trying to live righteously, do you think that living righteously is going to bring honor to your mother and father? For sure it will. For sure it will. So we have our eyes set on pleasing the father, especially if we’re in a situation where maybe it’s hard to respect your parents because you didn’t have a good relationship with them. Maybe they’re not walking with Jesus. If you are loving God and loving his ways and seeking righteousness, you will bring honor to your parents. And I think that that’s an important message that we all need to remember, but also teach our children. So the second thing we want to talk to you about is partnering. Influences can be positive and healthy. This is important because, you know, a lot of times we get questions of people going, Hey, are you guys like anti youth group or pro youth group or what have you done with your kids? We get all kinds of questions, especially in the app during our Q&A time.

The answer to that is we’re pro wisdom. So if there’s good resources for our children to to get from other people, we’re all for that. But we’re also super intentional. So we’re for good resources and good relationships with our children as long as they’re respecting our God authorized authority and they’re pointing our children back to good relationship with us versus trying to have some kind of special different relationship with our children. And so relationships can be good. But whether in our home, we are the most important disciplers of our children and we’re taking that on. We’re not perfect. We’re learning. We’re growing. I mean, this is all new for me, right? You know, obviously I’ve been around the block a little bit with so many children now, but I had to learn it all, you know, not being a believer before we were married and so forth. And so it’s it’s really important, though, that we do if we do partner, even in a co op situation, if they have a teacher or a tutor or a music teacher or coach or these kinds of things that we’re establishing, the kind of relationship with those people where, you know, there are no secrets between them and your children, they are not becoming a confidant in exclusivity with somebody that you’re not getting a debrief on. The reality of those things. There is, I would say, an exception to that. If you’re a terrible parent, like if you’re abusing your children or something like that, your children need to and should go tell someone in secret and so forth because they’re being abused. Right. But that’s really the only exception to this, is that really, you know, as other people have influence on your children, it can be awesome, but not if it’s if.

It has to be secretive. I mean, let’s just be really honest. When it comes to secrets, usually that means that there is something sinful being hidden, right? And so in relationships, when you’re viewing your children’s relationships, there shouldn’t be. Anything worth hiding happening. Because if there is. I mean, we see it in Genesis, right? When Adam and Eve hid, it was because they had sinned against God. We see it again in the New Testament as well. In first, John, when it says walk in the light as he is in the light. Right. That’s walking transparently, being open. When you are walking biblically and even parenting biblically, your kids shouldn’t have to feel like they need to be secretive about anything. They should be proud to share anything at any time. But when they’re in relationships with other people, if those other people try to make exclusive relationships that then become secretive or they’re having conversations that maybe are even inappropriate, like asking about crushes and getting Intel or or information from your child, and then they’re not pointing them back towards the biblical way. They’re not pointing them towards God, and then they’re not pointing them towards you. Then you need to interject and need to lead that influencer and if they’re not readable, then you need to lead your child away from that relationship. And so because the reality is, is you don’t necessarily know intentions of people, you don’t know where it could go down the road. And as parents, one of the things that we are called to do is to protect our children and to help them to make wise decisions because they haven’t been around for very long. They don’t have wisdom yet. They get wisdom from older their parents specifically teaching them God’s ways and being able to use discernment. And this is something that takes real intentionality and knowing your kids and knowing your kids relationships. Yeah, that’s a that’s a lot of work.

Absolutely. So if somebody is doing some kind of role where they’re educating children and, you know, discipling children and so forth, that can be good additive thing to what parents are doing. And in some cases it’s essential because parents aren’t doing anything. And I can see an opportunity where that is really essential for kids that are hurting. Maybe they have no Christian influences and things like that, and absolutely, that’s really a massive ministry. But I think that what’s really important in the hearts and minds of these influence influencers, people who are influencing, is to what is your goal? Your goal number one goal is and you said to point them to God, but your other most important goal is point them to their parents, back to their parents, not to themselves. Right? So it’s really important that there’s a mindset of that. And when there’s a mindset of that, then there can be this beautiful partnering between that leader that’s doing additive influence and the parents who are trying to influence at home. And there can be Intel that comes back from that leader to the parents encouragement that comes back from that leader to the parents. If the children share something and the parents know what to do because let’s face it, parents have the most influence on the children there with their children the most out of anybody. They are living together. It’s the way God designed it. And so that leader over here should want that to be going well or to improve and therefore pointing a deeper relationship with their parents and helping to cultivate that should be the number two goal.

Oh, it should be. I mean, the older you get, the more you realize that in relationships, people come and go throughout your life. They just do. I’m not in contact with the youth pastors or music teachers that I had as a kid. I’m just going to be honest. And most adults would say the same thing. I don’t even know anyone who’s like necessarily in deep community or friendship with someone that was a previous teacher of theirs or a youth pastor. And so knowing that truth, that reality of life, but who is in their life forever, their family, their families in their life forever. And that was a God ordained thing, that God chose those parents for that child. So it takes a sense of humility for the leader, for the influencer to go, God placed me into this kid’s life for a short season. That’s reality. And and and not getting so emotionally attached, which can be incredibly difficult. I know personally from like doing social work and youth pastor work when I was younger, it was emotionally taxing for me and that’s part of why I had to walk away from it because I wasn’t wired to do that. And for for people to understand, like God placed me here for a reason, but how can I build this child up in the Lord and help them to build relationships, better relationships with the people who are going to be in their life forever? And how can I like if you see problems or or even just unconfident or maybe new believers that are parents to be pouring into them and encouraging them to be the parents that God wants them to be like? Really? That’s where a huge effort should be spent, right? And be like, Hey, have you talked to your parents about that? I’m sure that they would love to hear from you on that. And then if the kid’s like, No, my parents are too busy. No, my dad’s working too hard. Like that is important that the parents would hear that their child actually believes that about them.

You know what’s interesting is I never grew up with any Christian culture, so I don’t understand. You know, I’m still learning. I feel like I’m still learning some things about how some of this stuff works. Yeah. Which is interesting. Yeah. And I just really value what you’re saying there is that is sending them back. I wonder, Angie, you were having a conversation before the podcast with me about how sometimes people can feel like they’re having more influence if they know something no one else knows about the child or if they’re a confidant in a way. And this could be even, um, you know, friends of the family, extended relatives and things like that. But I wonder if sometimes some people feel like I need to purposely find something unique so that I can become earn their trust, confident, and become a trust, and then have this side on the side relationship with them where I can speak truth that’s special to them, that the parents know nothing about the content of that. And is there is there a motivation sometimes with people?

It depends. I mean, I don’t know if there is an intention for that. It’s just something that as someone who grew up in a Christian church and had many youth directors, if you will, I’ve seen it done where parents were running it and I’ve seen it done where a pastor was hired and and there have been many. And then also being a parent for 24 years and being a part of big churches where they had youth pastors and seen pastors come and go and like, we’ve definitely seen a lot. Okay, In my lifetime, I have seen a lot. I’ve also gone through seminary of educating through being a director of Christian education and youth, pastor, if you will, and been a youth intern. So I do have a lot of experience in that stuff and I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily an intention, but I do think it’s a common thing that happens where, you know, you know, there there’s this within the church, a youth pastor that will join a staff and they want to get to know the kids. That’s a good thing. You want to get to know the kids. But you know, what I would say to that is that you should want to get to know the parents of the kids also. And I think that parents need to be called up to be responding differently and not just have this drop off attitude, but instead be like, hey, we have a new youth pastor. Let’s have him over. Let’s get to know him or get to know her. Let’s have their family over. Let’s invite them into our church community and be doing life together. And hospitality should be happening and spending time together and getting to know one another. Really, truly what needs to happen is parents need to be building relationships with the people who are influencing their kids. And that’s that’s something that I did not see commonly happening either as a kid who had a youth pastor or as a youth pastor who was in a church. I didn’t I didn’t see that as a common thing. So it.

Kind of becomes like this person that we’re just trusting over here, whether it’s a coach, teacher, they’ve been.

Vetted by.

The church, they’ve been vetted by something else we trust, and so therefore we’re trusting it over there. So therefore, it’s kind of out of sight, out of mind, because that’s happening. Yes, And we may. But I think it’s important that we’re understanding what is happening.

Right. Well, it’s not it’s not that there’s something that is necessarily happening other than discipling. Right. Like the purpose is there’s usually a curriculum that’s used or there’s a program that they follow on a regular basis. There’s worship, there’s prayer, there’s group activities, there’s studying the Bible. These are all really great things. But then in the midst of it, over time, there’s the, Oh, hey, I’ll pick you up and bring you to worship team if your parents can’t. And and then there’s the car ride conversation. There’s the the parents dropping the kid off and they’re going to the youth retreat and they’re gone for three days and they have no idea the length or depth of time spent with certain adults that are there or other kids and what conversations have had like and as a parent, you don’t need to feel like you need to control everything and know all of those things. That’s not what I’m saying. But what I’m saying is, is you should know those people well enough to be able to trust them and not just blindly trust people that that I do believe. I do believe that a parent has the authority to be wise and to judge within the church and to make wise decisions and go, hey, you know what? I’ve spent time with this person. I’m not fully trusting them to be giving car rides or to be staying over at their house with other kids or like whatever it is like there should there needs to be. I feel like parents need to be given back the authority that God gave them in a sense, because they’re not walking with the in that authority that God gave them.

Well, there’s a lot of pressure to go along to get along because, I mean, everybody else’s parents is trusting, right?

Everybody else is doing it.

Organization is trusting. So therefore, we just trust. And what we’re saying is. Be more vigilant than that. Get to know get to know people and to express what Angie said in the beginning, connect and express that you’re an intentional parent and that if there’s anything that I ever need to know, please tell me. And please, if my children have any challenges, feel free to give them biblical wisdom, but also point them back to having that conversation with me because.

I want to know and I want to encourage them and I want to be pointing them to the scriptures, too, because we all know that like when when a human being hears the same thing biblically multiple times, that just reinforces the thing. It’s a good thing for them to be heard multiple times, Right. And to be working partnering with people really is what we’re talking about. That’s very different. And yes, I understand that many parents you guys are busy parents. Parenting is busy. We are busy. But we have to if we are going to say yes to having other influences in our kids lives, we have to do the work to be vigilant, to know what do those people believe? Are they actually biblical? And and the truth is, is a lot of times that just doesn’t happen. And so I guess if there was an exhortation from us in this podcast, it would be, hey, parents like get to know the people that are influencing your kids. And I think too, depending on the age and the experiences that people have had, I think you need to judge the fruit. I think that parents need to understand that they do have the authority to make decisions on no, I don’t want this person influencing you or not. So you have that authority.

So what is fruit? It’s not looking for perfection because there is no perfect fruit because we’re all humans. So we have to be grace giving and so forth. But you can see fruit in marriages, you can see fruit in people’s children, you can see fruit in financial decisions. You can see fruit in just their way of living. And it takes time to see fruit. So it might take some time getting to know people and just be interested. When you go to an event, be interested in, you know, looking for fruit and and being versus just having those side conversations with other parents 100% of the time, you know, really invest and understand and ask questions. Hey, why did you get into this ministry? What motivates you? What are you excited about? What are you seeing with parenting these days?

Oh, totally. And partnering with them. And like, I think that one of the things that’s huge for me when I think about this concept of pointing kids towards going back to their parents, that was never anything I was ever taught in all the years that I did children’s ministry stuff, whether it was teaching Sunday school or youth intern or even school, there was never it was always, you pick the curriculum or you do the curriculum that’s picked for you if you’re going to a larger church. And it was on mission for the Great Commission, which was discipling children, and that’s really beautiful. But there is another agenda that we should be having if we’re doing those roles, which is to be helping children to understand that they need to honor their mother and father and that they that relationships are a two way street. Right. Which is our next next topic is our final little point here in today’s podcast. You know, kids, a lot of times they if they’re having feelings where like maybe their their parents are busy or don’t have time for them or they feel like their parents don’t know them. Have you ever heard these things before? I know that I have heard these things before. Well, my parents don’t really know me, and that just makes me sad. But just leaving it there is something that that kid shared with you isn’t quite enough. Instead, you need to challenge your that child to actually go to the parents you to say, hey, you know what, I think your parents would really love to hear this because wouldn’t you want someone to tell your child that if if your child went to someone else and said, yeah, my mom and dad are just too busy for for me or or they don’t really know me like you would want to know.

And so we need to love our neighbor as ourself and treat the parents that of the kids that we are coaching or teaching or discipling the way we would want to be treated as a parent. And that’s just the second greatest commandment just put to work within that specific job and ministry, right? Loving one another as we would want to be treated. And this this changes everything because what you’re doing is teaching that child like I, I know your parents love you because every parent loves their kids. That’s just like a God given innate thing. Like every parent has a love for their child. And if your parents knew this, I know that they would they would break their heart that they would just really want to love you. So I really want to encourage you to do that. And hey, is it okay if I come back and I ask you next week or if I ask you when I see you at church on Sunday, if you’ve had that conversation? Because I really think this is important.

That could open up a whole new level of authenticity in their relationship with their parents. And that authenticity and comfortability in talking to the parents can be so important. Sometimes we don’t even realize it as parents. But. We create, we can create a little bit of fear in talking to us and not even realize it.

And so just even distance where your kids don’t feel like they have the closeness to share the things that are on their heart or the the closeness of time to where they feel like you have the time to listen.

Well, the fear of disappointment, I should have said the full sentence was just they want to please their parents. Right. And so I think we need to be really proactive to go into some practical steps on this point, which we need to be proactive to cultivate that open and deep, deepening relationship with each of our children. And to do that, you have to spend some quantity time. You’ve heard us say that, but reminders are good. So that quantity time, not just the quality, you have to spend enough time to where you can catch the moments and sometimes that comfortability to share something with you only comes after the second hour. And so it’s really important to ask some deeper questions, too. And when they when they share a little bit more, when they let you into their heart a little bit more, that they feel like their heart is protected. Yeah, they feel by your response, you’re building trust, not the opposite of that. By interrupting them being harsh or just immediately correcting them. I think if you’re getting into these tender moments of relationship building with your children, you need to really pause and listen and tell me more is something versus tell them something. So I think that is the number one thing I could say is if you’re wanting to nurture and cultivate a deeper relationship with your children, listen long spend the time, ask questions and then respond well. So it’s the kind of response that would make them want to tell you even more and be confident in communicating with you about everything.

You know, another thing that comes to my mind, to that is about relationship and partnering with other people. It’s kind of like backwards going 0.3 to 0.2 is that if you do have a close relationship with your child and they’re struggling with something spiritually or maybe they’re struggling with doubt, but your child’s like on worship team for the youth group or they’re already teaching or helping in a Sunday school classroom. Like it would be good for you as a parent to exercise your authority and challenge your child to step back from that while they’re dealing with their doubts or their struggles with the Lord, and to really spend the time that they would be spending in that ministry in seeking God and seeking his relationship. Because there’s been a lot of times over the years where I have seen people leading worship or whatnot, and then within like a year or two, that teenager has chosen to walk away from the faith or they’re not living in righteousness and they’re walking wayward and it them falling, if you will, or walking away is an influence on the people that they were leading. That’s just the reality. And so as a parent, like if you are aware that your child is going through something that they’re struggling, but they’ve been plugged in and they’re serving in a position where they are a role model or leader to other kids, you need to talk to your child. And if they don’t make that decision and they don’t obey that, then you need to go to those leaders and take another step. And they should be on a sabbatical, if you will, because that that is huge. When I searched the scriptures, I see scriptures like we went over with you guys that talk about children honoring their parents, listening to their instruction and teaching.

I see scriptures that challenge parents like in Deuteronomy chapter six that says Teach everything I have commanded you to your children while you sit, while you walk, while you stand, while you lie like that is what God has called parents to do. There is a very clear calling on parents to be teachers, right? I don’t see the job description of coach of like. And what I mean is like obviously there’s soccer coaches, there’s basketball coaches, there’s there’s coaches. They’re not bad. But in the Bible, you don’t see like, listen to your coaches instruction. You don’t see that. You don’t see, you know, honor your youth. Pastor No, What you do see is honor your mother and father. And you see scriptures in First Timothy that talk about submission to spiritual authority, meaning elders within your church. And so there is a very clear command for all believers, young and old, that there there are certain spiritual authorities that are placed in our life for good reasons, for spiritual development, for accountability, for discipleship. And so we need to be aware that like these these other things that we’re talking about teachers, coaches, lesson facilitators, tutors, youth pastors, these things Sunday school teachers, they can be good and additive, but there isn’t actually a spiritual description for their jobs within the Bible that are commanding kids to listen to them. But there are really clear, distinctive scriptures that command parents. Authority. So those who are in those positions should be submitting to what Scripture says and pointing kids to be in submission and in reverence towards their parents and the elders of the church.

So it’s like this beautiful circle. The parents obviously are pointing to these people for them to listen and learn from them. So that’s obeying their parents in doing that. So in that way, obeying God. And then those people should be pointing them back to relationship, stronger relationship with the parents. Right? It should be this beautiful circle with God and we’re all pointing our kids to God. Yeah.

And obviously, like in this conversation, the majority of our conversation with the one exception that Isaac said, right, where you’ve got parents who are not walking with the Lord or they’re in massive sin, like obviously our conversation about pointing kids towards, well, what do your parents say? What do your parents want you to do? Like there is an element there that we are making an assumption that people who are listening to the podcast have their Christian parents. They’re walking biblically, they’re wanting to be intentional in their parenting. And I do know from personal experience and obviously we live in a fallen world, that there are many situations where kids could be raised in a quote unquote, nominal Christian home where parents are not discipling their kids. They’re not having they’re like parents out there that maybe aren’t even reading the Bible themselves and have a personal relationship with Jesus. So how can they disciple their child in that? Right? Like this is a reality. And there may not be like, you know, abuse happening, but there is an element of negligence or ignorance, if you will, as far as their role that God has called them to, and discipling.

Kids feeling like they have a complete lack of guidance and needing somebody. And so this can be very, very helpful. Yes. But even if parents are nominal in their walk with God, not reading the Bible and things like that, what do you think happens if their children come to them and go, I want a deeper relationship. I want to learn more about God. I want to talk. I want to have conversations with you about God. What do you think’s going to happen if children do that to their parents? Parents all of a sudden feel this enormous positive importance in their role? It’s really cool. And I rise up. I think sometimes that there’s so many opportunities to delegate things in this world. You know, we delegate, you know, food being delivered. There’s DoorDash, right? Something I’ve never used because I live in the country, but I’ve heard about it. Right. And these kinds of things, there’s we can delegate for efficiency and ease of lots of things.

They’re not bad.

Not bad. But but I but I think that sometimes we don’t even realize it. And we’ve over delegated our most important things.

Our missions in life.

Our missions and.

Raising our children.

Which is raising our children. And you kind of think, well, it’s hard enough just to provide and I’m tired and it’s hard enough just to keep the home together and these kinds of things. And you know what? It is hard. It is hard. But hard doesn’t mean we don’t rise up and do what’s most important. What’s most important is equipping and building relationship and loving well and pointing our children to God. And and we don’t have to be experts at the Bible to do that. We just need to open it. And you may even be learning with them. And that’s cool. Read a proverb. Anybody can do that. And so that’s why where it comes down, the the it’s so easy to understand and read aspects of the Bible. Some of it’s a little harder, right? But a lot of it is very, very easy. And so in simple proverbs, so much wisdom right there and so many great discussion points that can happen. The book of James is very straightforward and easy to understand. The Gospels, Psalms are very beautiful and easy to understand words that are easy. You know, there’s so much the gospels, all of them, right, are so easy.

Yeah, no, I think that that’s really good too. Like, just even if people are listening today, maybe you’ve been a regular listener and you’re hearing Isaac talk about this and you’re like, Well, yeah, I know. I’ve read those with, well, maybe God has placed someone in your life who is a parent who needs the encouragement that Isaac’s sharing right now. That needs needs someone to say, Hey, there are some easier passages of scripture that you can start with. Do you know a parent right now that isn’t discipling their kids that needs to hear that? And if so, just send them the podcast today. But also I think of those conversations that are really important. You know, we talked about the courageous parenting challenge that we want to leave you guys with today, which is if you have delegated anything to your kids, it’s not a bad thing. We don’t want you to feel guilty about that. We’ve delegated a lot of things over the years regarding homeschooling. I’ve had people come and teach piano, violin, guitar, lots of science. We’ve had.

Tremendous people help us in.

Our journey. Oh my goodness, I do not do it all. And the truth is, though, is that I have pursued relationships with all of those people to where they knew me well enough and I knew them well enough. And that is the challenge, is that you would invest in relationships and know those people well, but also challenge them to have the perspective of like, Hey, can you help me in my relationship with my child? In the sense of like if they come to you for things and you think it’s something that would be a good. Or something that I need to know about. Would you challenge my child to come to me? That is super, super important. But I also think of like those really like that. A lot of times parents might take what I just said and think of like a worst case scenario or maybe something that a child is struggling with. But what about when a child accepts the Lord for the first time and maybe they’re they’re sitting in Sunday school or they’re growing in the Lord and they’re excited about learning about spiritual gifts or something like that, and you don’t know about it because you’re not necessarily there.

And if you don’t have a super close relationship with your child and your child is sharing that thing that they’re really excited about, or they’ve just accepted the Lord as an influencer in that child’s life, you should also be pointing those kids to go share that exciting thing with their parents too. When kids accept the Lord is the first thing coming out of your mouth, Praise Jesus. I’m going to be praying for you. This is the biggest decision in your life that you would accept God, because that’s true. And then the second thing coming out of your mouth is you have got to share this with your parents. This is so cool because that, again, is the role of the influencer, understanding that you are in their life for a very short period of time and that their parents are chosen by God to be their parents for the rest of their life on earth. And those are the kinds of things that build relationships. Are you pointing them back to God and back to their parents? Because that’s really what we should be doing.

Well, we hope this is helpful to you guys and thanks for joining us. Join us in the app for Q&A. See you next time.

Hey, thanks for listening. And being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous ministry org for more biblically based resources. Ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible be courageous app community for believers.

Also we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group and the Be Courageous app, live webcasts and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at be courageous ministry org that’s be courageous ministry.org.