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How To Overcome Anger In Your Parenting

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Episode Summary

Don’t underestimate the negative influence your anger has on your kids. This episode tackles this all-important subject about anger and how to get rid of it in your parenting.

At some point we all get frustrated with our kids, if that happens to you this episode will help you. It’s not the feeling of anger that’s the problem, it’s when we walk in the flesh instead of the spirit and show anger towards our kids. You can overcome this and it’s important to do so in order to leave a legacy of future parents who don’t raise their kids in anger.

There are some myths we will dispel, some parents may even think it’s okay to show anger towards their kids. This is a legacy destroyer.

Do you parent differently in your home than when you are outside your home around others?

Sometimes we can take our family for granted by treating them more poorly in some ways than others.

You might lose their heart if you consistently show anger over time.

We need to be aware of how powerful our influence is and our words are

The definition of Anger: The feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.

Anger is a feeling of annoyance which goes along with the Bible, in Ephesians 4:26…”be angry and do not sin”

Parents get frustrated with their child, but the word frustration isn’t in the Bible. Let’s not use our frustration as justification for showing anger.

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What challenges are happening when you show anger towards your kids

  • You are modeling how to be a parent someday.
  • If you struggle with anger how can you hold your kids accountable?
  • This grows as they become teenagers.
  • If we are angry we will provoke our kids to wrath.
  • If you are in anger with your kids they are likely not to even receive your message. They might obey out of fear but not really receive your message.
  • They copy what we do which is super refining.

We are beside ourselves when showing anger towards our kids and have lost self-control

  • You are lacking wisdom at that moment
  • You have to stop yourself before you act out in anger
    • Take a break and pray before talking to your kids
    • Or make the choice to walk in the spirit versus staying in the flesh

 

Look for Physiological triggers of getting angry

  • Learn your own and discover your kids so you can teach them.
  • If we have a heightened awareness of these triggers we have more time to remind ourselves to walk in the spirit.
  • People have different triggers, some are:
    • Red in the face.
    • Warming up.
    • Heart starts beating faster.
    • Temple vein starts throbbing.
    • Feel it in your stomach.
    • Lose eye contact.
    • Clench their jaw.
    • Retreat and move away from everyone.
  • Self-Control is a fruit of the spirit. Are your kids saved? Have they received the gift of salvation and are they trying to walk as a believer. This opens up a whole new conversation about how to walk as a Christian.
  • When you make a mistake, talk to your kids about it and how you dealt with it. When they see humility it boosts your influence when you teach them how to correct themselves.
  • The open dialogue makes them feel included in the body of Christ. Pray for each other and together. It’s a two way street of trying to be Godly.
  • Then they aren’t afraid of being vulnerable with you.
  • When we are angry we are discouraging our kids.

When you are angry your kids will react, it will be different depending on the kid but it’s usually not good.

God wants you to look great to your kids, you are the authority God granted to your kids so they could be fruitful.

It’s important to make judgments about other Christians and teach our kids to judge the fruit of believers.

PARENTING MENTOR PROGRAM

Lies

  • “My kids are extra strong-willed, so it’s a lot harder for me”
  • We as parents need to model self-control and teach them to have self-control instead of making excuses for not being able to correct their bad behavior.
  • Don’t believe the lie that you can’t change because your parents got angry with you in their parenting.  God had good fruit for us when we are walking in the spirit. You can experience freedom from that.
  • Another lie, “I can’t change”. That’s just not true.
  • If your kids are super strong willed change your perspective. It’s a good thing to be able to see the bad behaviors so you know what to correct with your kids and accurately label it so they know what to improve.
  • Don’t say “I’m doing everything I can”, that’s a great way to lose hope for change. We’re not doing everything we can, we are still learning and growing to do better.

The ultimate way to hold yourself accountable on not becoming angry at your kids is to teach your kids scripture about anger.

Anger creates distance between you and your kids but they need you to reconnect them to God.

The flesh vs. the fruit of the Spirit

  • When you are walking in the flesh their’s selfish ambition at that moment
  • When we as parents lose our temper, it’s not okay.
  • Example: Kid’s yelling as you are driving (Listen in to know how to handle this)
  • Look for short term sacrifices that create long-term gains

Fear-based obedience vs. Love-based obedience

  • We don’t want to create a culture in our family that our kids do things because they actually fear you.
  • Creates works only based Christians.
  • We want our kids to experience God. We need to teach our kids to obey out of love of you and God so their heart is growing towards God vs. obedience just to avoid pain.
  • Are you creating weak Christians who are at the whim of other people because they grow up fearing you?
  • We aren’t saying to be weak with your kids.

There’s a difference between disappointment and anger

  • Let’s be disappointed in their behavior
  • Anger creates two different lives over time. Different behavior with their parents than with their friends. Are you being fooled?

Own it if you get angry, repent and be done with doing this. If we can’t do this then how can we expect our kids to have self-control and overcome this?

Let’s use any conviction we feel for the purpose of change. Let’s ask God to help us change. If you’ve struggled with this, there’s hope. God will help you!

If someone offends us we have two options

  • Overlook the transgression
  • If we can’t overlook it go talk to them about it

Scriptures In This Episode

Ephesians 4:26-31Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Galatians 5:24-25And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Proverbs 22:24-25  “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.”

James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

Ecclesiastes 9:10 “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”

John 14:15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”

John 14:21 “He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

Proverbs 19:11 “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.”

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Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 1 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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