Every parent has dealt with a child interrupting. Join Angie and Ginger as they talk about the heart issue behind interrupting, how it can be a temptation for parents to sin as well, how we need to watch our own hearts, and how important it is to teach our children to have a respect for all people. 

The importance of keeping communication lines open with our kids is a major goal of every parent, but how we respond to our children can greatly impact that line of communication. 

If a parent ignores their child while talking to another adult, it can say that their opinions or needs are not as important as the conversation they are in. We don’t want to speak that with our actions. It could be a root cause for children feeling as though the parent doesn’t value their thoughts and feelings. This is very foundational in our relationships with our children– fragile ground if you will. But at the same time, we don’t want to cultivate a selfish, self-centered heart in our child by always attending to our child’s every whim at the cost of minimizing the value of others. There is a balance of teaching how to respectfully notify the parent that they need something without interrupting and also taking a moment away from adult conversations at a time that is appropriate and respectful of the other person you were speaking with.

Ginger Shares Her Three Step Process in Correcting Sin:

1. Address the Issues of the Heart – Heart Probing Questions
2. Put off the Old Self
3. Put On the New Self

What are they doing wrong? Interrupting

What do they need to put off? Interrupting

Here is your means of escape: Don’t interrupt, instead use your “codes” to be able to communicate and when I can I will take a moment to listen. 

Tips for correcting your child in public:

We must provide our children with a way of “escape” and when we don’t we are not parenting biblically. God always gives us a way out. Teaching our children to acknowledge the sin issue, choose to stop and repent, and then choose to walk in the right direction. This is what we are doing when we are calling out the biblical sin issue, not being respectful of others and being selfish with your own thoughts or agenda and then teaching them to put off and put on. 

We must also be careful to walk with our children in an understanding way. Don’t correct them in front of other people, that would be a bully move. BUt instead, take them into the bathroom, another room, the hallway, or a car to be able to talk to them about _____ such as interrupting so that you don’t shame or embarrass your child, but also so that they are not distracted by their embarrassment but able to fully focus on the conversation with Mama. 

One thing Parents can do is to role model and practice what is a polite way to “interrupt”. Both Angie and Ginger had taught their children to come and hold Mama’s hand, or put a hand on their shoulder or leg, to which Mom might respond with a number one finger to let them know I see you and I will speak with you in one minute. This is a great way to “acknowledge” your child, they feel valued, but you are still showing respect to the person you are talking to. This is teaching them to put on kindness and consideration. 

Perspective Shifts Necessary for Parents:

Remember I am molding the character of my child. Are they going to be selfish and self-focused OR are they going to be selfless and value others? 

As a Mom we must not be annoyed that our child is interrupting our agenda, sentence, or conversation, but view it instead as an OPPORTUNITY to mold their character. 

Teach our children they have a choice on if they want to obey or not. If they do not obey, there will be a consequence. They actually have a power to decide- encourage them to make a wise decision. 

 

Check out: Parenting with Ginger Hubbard

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Scriptures From This Episode:

– Ephesians 4:22 – “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,“

– James 1:1-5 – “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings. Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.“

– 1 Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.“

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Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Hey guys, thanks for joining us again for the Courageous Parenting Podcast today. We have a friend with us, Ginger Hubbard. We’re here at the homeschool conference in Texas, and we are shooting some podcasts. So if you hear some background noise, it’s just because we’re in the exhibit hall. But we’re having a blast talking. So thank you so much for joining us today.

Yes. Thank you Angie, I love the work that you and Isaac do. And so it is such an honor, such a blessing to get to be here and chat with you. Our hearts are so much alike in parenting and marriage and families. And so it’s just it’s such a joy to get to talk with you.

Awesome. And I’m excited for our audience here to get to know you. If people haven’t met you before, you can find out more about Ginger at Ginger hubbard.com. Or maybe you know about one of her books or her pamphlet. You have the wise words for moms that you brought with us today. Why don’t you just.

Don’t leave home without it? I don’t leave home without my wise words for moms.

I don’t know if I told you this, but when I was a young mom, I actually had a copy of it in my kitchen cupboard. Yeah, I put the little double sticky tapes up on it, and then I had one in my minivan. Didn’t I tell you this before?

I think you’ve told me that before. I had, because I remember saying I kept mine in my kitchen as well. I just punched holes in it and had it hanging in the on the refrigerator. Yeah, yeah.

And it’s funny because I, we’ve recommended this to so many parents over the years and the parenting mentor program. Um, and it’s funny because a lot of them have texted me pictures where they get it says wise words for moms, and they cross out moms and it writes parents. Yeah, because they both use it, the moms and the dads.

And it’s really a tool for both moms and dads. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Ted Tripp, who wrote Shepherding a Child’s Heart. So that is the publisher of The Wise Words for moms chart. And Ted and I actually went back and forth about that because I was saying, it’s just scripture. I mean, it’s scripture. So why can’t it be wise words for parents instead of just wise words for moms? Because it’s just as applicable and usable for his thinking.

On that.

He said, well, because you’re a mom and so you’re relating to moms. And so I think it should be called Wise Words for moms. So it became wise words for moms because he is Ted Tripp and I’m not. So he won the argument. And so if you ever run into him, tell him it should be parents. Okay, I’ll tell him.

I’ll tell him I’ll be your advocate. Maybe a second additional come out for parents.

There you go.

No. That’s awesome. Well, today we’re going to talk about something that’s really relevant to parenting. A lot of parents have dealt with this. It’s the word interrupting. And I think everybody struggled with this at times. I know I have I’ve struggled with this at times. And when you’re raising your kids, it can become one of those things that’s really irritating.

It can. And you know, we all have our pet peeves. We all have those things that our kids do that push our buttons and get under our skin. For some moms it might be whining, for some it might be complaining. But for me, actually interrupting was that thing that my kids did that really pushed my buttons. And it’s hard to view when they’re doing something that gets under our skin. As an Angie, I’ve heard you and Isaac talk about this a lot. We want to view when our the struggles that our children face as precious opportunities to train them in what’s right, not as frustrating moments of inconvenience for us, but when we’re talking about those struggles that they have, the ones that do push our buttons, it’s hard for us to remember that. And so we tend to lash out at them because we are inconvenienced. Um, or we tend to just ignore our kids when they’re interrupting us. But that’s not that’s not the right way to respond, because what that does is, is both of those methods interrupting when they interrupt us, if we shut them down or we just completely ignore them. What that says to our kids is that we don’t value them or what they have to say. It sends a wrong message, and that’s hurtful for our kids.

I just want to add something there. As a mom who has older kids and younger kids, I think it’s really important and I wish I would have been told this when I was a young mom, because I did struggle with that at times too, where it was like after a long day when you’re at home, you’re homeschooling, you’re with your kids all the time, right? And so maybe you’re doing things right, quote unquote, 80% of the day. But then you’re like, you’re getting tired, you’re getting exhausted, and you’re dealing with interruptions. They’re tired. Right? You’re at the end of your rope. Or maybe your husband’s been traveling for a week, or, you know, there’s so many circumstances that can lead us to a place where maybe we are more weak. And in those times, that’s when we need to be honest with ourselves. And we need to pause, and we need to take a break and make sure that we’re doing right ourselves. Right. Because if we’re not just responding in a way that is going to potentially break our relationship or be an offense in our relationship with our kids. And let’s be honest, when when there’s an offense between a parent and a child, it’s not the same as a friend or a friend, right? Like if I was to offend you, you would come to me and say, hey, Angie, what you said really hurt me and we would work it out, right? We would go about things, the biblical route, because we both believe in the Word of God, and we love the Lord and we love each other and we want reconciliation, right? But that kind of response to conflict or offense doesn’t happen as often when it’s the kid that gets offended. The kids don’t feel like they have the voice to be able to go, mommy, you really hurt my feelings when you glared at me when I interrupted you, right?

Yeah, so. And that’s that’s where we have to really be intentional to respond the right way to our kids. And so, you know, like, if my child interrupts me and I shut them down. Um, if I respond in a way to my kids that is sinning against God and sinning against them, it’s because I’m viewing it from a selfish perspective. I’m looking at it like, this is frustrating for me. This is inconvenient for me. Instead of this is a precious opportunity to train my kids. My motive should be, uh, not revenge for irritating or inconveniencing me. My motive should be to drive out the rudeness and the inconsiderate disrespect from the hearts of my kids. And not just that, but to teach them the right way to communicate. I want to hear what they have to say. I value what they have to say, but I want to teach them to communicate in a way that shows respect and a sense of otherness. Um, so that that’s our goal. And so, yeah, and I think about that verse, I think you touched on it when we were talking before we recorded, um, it was about, uh, just having the right perspective. And I think about that verse, I can’t remember where it is. Angie. You might, but it’s, um, says that consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because, you know, the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. One. Yes. So when I think about that verse, if we could view all of our children’s struggles from that perspective with joy, yes, we would be eager and joyful for those opportunities rather than angry and frustrated. Now, I know better than anyone, and you probably do too, that that’s so much easier said than done. But yeah, but what a verse, what a verse for us to view those opportunities, it changes your perspective.

That’s really what we’re talking about is a perspective shift. And it’s something that all of us parents have to audit in ourselves. We have to think deeply. We have to ask the Lord to search our own hearts, too, because the root of selfishness can come from our heart. Right? And and recognizing that and then coming to our kids and throwing ourselves, you know, under the bus in a sense, or falling on the sword, as some would say. Right. And being willing to be the example to our children and say, I’m sorry that I didn’t respond the way I should have to you, it was because I was being selfish. Yeah, I need Jesus too, and I need his help. Why don’t we pray together? Right? And then. But then not ignoring that your child did sin. Also, in interrupting, I think that sometimes one of the things I’ve heard from a lot of parents is when their child sins against them in that way, right? Like there’s a selfishness and a fence that comes when they respond and sin. Then they feel like they can’t discipline because they need to humbly apologize for the thing that they did right. Which is true. But you’re not supposed to stop there. You still need to go forward and go, okay, now we need to talk about what you did also, because that was also wrong. Right?

That’s exactly right. And I love the humility in us being willing to ask forgiveness when we have sinned against our kids. You know, I, I can’t tell you how many times I had to sit my kids down and say, you know what? I need to apologize. I need to ask your forgiveness. Because the angry way that I just spoke to you, it showed no respect for you. And it did not honor God. And so will you forgive me and let me try that again in a way that does show respect for you and does honor God. And we do that. What we’re doing in those moments is we are modeling for our kids what a personal relationship with Jesus looks like, what the conviction of the Holy Spirit looks like, and how to rightly respond to that. So I love that. But then on the flip side, I totally agree with you. That does not negate the even though we’re sinners and we struggle and we do have to ask forgiveness of our kids, sometimes that doesn’t negate our responsibility to also bring them up in the training and instruction and discipline of the Lord.

There’s one thing to model it, but then there’s another thing to actually follow through with what you’ve been called to do as a parent, remembering the authority that God gave you, right? And I think sometimes when parents mess up, they feel so much guilt. And and if you’re feeling guilt, I just want to say a word to you right now. Like that’s from the enemy. Yes, condemnation. There is no condemnation for those who are the great accuser.

Exactly the accuser.

And he will use that to disable you, to paralyze you from doing what you’re called to do as a parent in stepping to the plate.

That’s right.

And so if you are struggling with that, maybe you did sin. I’m not saying that you don’t apologize. Take. Full ownership for your actions and for your words and your attitudes and your thoughts, and confess them and repent of them, but give them to the Lord and receive the forgiveness of your sins, that we that’s a free gift that we get from Jesus. And that’s where we get to model for our kids the power of Christ in our lives. Right? When we’re able to say, I know I messed up, but I’m not going to let this hang over my head and and change my view of myself. I know I’m your mom and I have to talk to you about this now too, and we’re not going to let the choices that we made and the sins that we, the mistakes that we made and the sins that we committed, we’re not going to let those things change our identity right of each other. We’re not going to label each other, but we are going to own it and choose to turn away from it. Right. And so having that conversation, using yourself as an example changes the entire narrative from what you see so, so much out in the culture where kids are calling their parents hypocrites. Right. And so if there isn’t humility, that’s where your kids will then turn on you potentially and say, you’re trying to correct me in this, but you did that right. And the truth is, is, yeah, that might be true, actually, because we are all human and we all struggle with temptation to sin. Yes. And so recognizing that and taking the step forward in faith to choose to be a transparent, confessing believer.

And let them know that we are sinners in need of a Savior just as much as they are. Totally.

It changes the relationship, actually, in a beautiful way.

Yes. And it keeps those the communication lines open. Because if our kids perceive such insensitivity and pride in us, that we’re not ever willing to admit that we have blown it and that we’re at fault and that we have sinned, then they’re not going to feel like they can come to us with their own struggles. They’re going to say, well, you know, they’ll never admit to being wrong about anything. And so they that sets the stage for them to not want to admit wrong either. Yeah.

Hey there. We just wanted to invite you to join us in the next Parenting Mentor program, where we talk more about the heart of parenting in session two. So take a listen to this next little clip and we hope you join us. Steve and.

I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our.

Children. What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.

This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me the vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in Scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation. Now that’s.

Huge. And you said there was a post that you did on Instagram that I just want to read that has to do with this whole interrupting says ignoring children causes them to feel that we don’t value their thoughts and feelings. And you mentioned it a few minutes ago. Yeah, but I think that this is something that I want to dig a little deeper into with you, because really, this is about the foundation of your relationship and what your child is feeling from you or what they think that you think about them, right? Or what you think or what they think you value in that relationship. Right? Which this is like dicey ground. Um, it’s fragile. It is because we’re building it when our children are little. And of course, we have the will of the child, and then we have the spirit of the child. And when you are devaluing them, that’s where you break and crush the spirit of a child, which is so dangerous.

And look how Jesus was with the children. You know, the disciples even rebuked the children for coming to Jesus. And he said, no, no, you. I value these children. You let these little children come to me. And so we want to show our children that, yes, we value them. What they have to say, their thoughts, their feelings. And when we just ignore them or shut them down or stop interrupting me or go to your room, or you’re being rude or you’re being disrespectful, we’re not showing them any value and that we care about what they have to say. So I want my kids to know. Yes, I want to hear what you have to say. I want to hear your important. You are important. You are so valued. But there is a way to communicate your thoughts and feelings and what you want to say in ways that still show respect and consideration for other people.

That’s right. It’s interesting because when you’re on this road, I’m just thinking about my three year old right now because there are times where he interrupts a lot his brothers, he’ll interrupt other people he’s learning how to enter into. To a large family with his own, and they have to learn that, and they have to learn that. But that’s a perspective shift, right? Like he’s my ninth. So if he if his personality was in my first, I know I would have reacted very differently to him than I am now because I have 24 years of parenting experience. Right? Right. And so kind of been sanctified just a little bit. Still have more to go. I always joke with people, yeah, God thought it was funny. I needed that much sanctification. He gave me nine children their blessings. But yeah, but in all reality, I know that there are times where I have so much more patience with him and where he’s at because I recognize he’s got a big that’s a big job to be entering your own voice into a family, culture and family that’s already existing with big people who are able to speak clearly and express themselves and have agendas and all of that kind of stuff. And he wants to be important, and I see that in him. And there are these times where sometimes it can get frustrated by him interrupting. But I have to think to myself, I don’t want to crush that in him because that is literally world changing.

Like a child who grows up confident and able to communicate clearly and and and be confident in his relationship with his family, that’s a big deal. That literally changes everything for his future. Right? And so recognizing that there’s this fragility, if you will, especially with kids that are like seven and under, they’re they’re figuring it all out. And we need to be aware that we can really crush their spirit if we’re not careful. It reminds me of Colossians 321 that says, fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. And that word discourage goes back. We just did a podcast episode on, um, a crushed spirit and talking to to parents on hey, how do you know if your child has a crushed spirit? And what does the Bible say about a crushed spirit? What does the Bible say to parents about that? And in looking at those scriptures, there are two very closely connected because we as parents. That’s why God warns us to be careful and not provoke our children to become discouraged, because then you can see it on the countenance of their face. Yeah. And so if you have a child that is struggling and you can tell something’s wrong on the countenance of their face, I would just really encourage the parents that are listening right now. If you’ve got a kid that seems downcast, it could be that they have a crushed spirit.

They’ve been exasperated. Exactly.

Yeah. Um, or provoked to be not thinking of themselves in the right light and maybe thinking that they’re not good enough, or that no one wants to hear them, or that their, um, agenda or opinions or desires are not wanted and not worthy. Right? Right. Because all of that could come out of, oh, not right now. Oh, shush. And kind of pointing them away like you were saying. Right.

And that provokes them to anger. That’s why the Scripture says that we are to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. We don’t stop at telling our kids what not to do. Right. The Bible calls parents to train their children in wisdom, to train their kids in righteousness. So, you know, say that a child speaks disrespectfully. An older child or even a younger child. And the parent says, you know, that was disrespectful. Now go to your room. See, that’s exasperating. That provokes them to anger because we’re telling them what not to do. We’re punishing them, and then we’re just finishing their they have nowhere to go. They have nowhere to go. Not heard. That’s not.

Led. That’s any kind of way.

That’s right. And the Scripture says to train them in the instruction and wisdom of the world, of the word, to bring them up in the righteousness of Christ. So it requires.

Parents to take more time to have the conversations. Yes, to hear their child’s heart to teach. Yeah. To actually sit and give instruction. I want to share this verse that you brought up in Ephesians chapter four about putting off the old self and putting on the new self, because this is really powerful, and this is part of the main thing that you teach on a regular basis. You call it your three steps.

Three steps. Yep. You’re actually doing steps two and three right there. But we can start there and then we’ll back up to step one.

So we’ve got Ephesians chapter four verse 22 says to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, having put away all falsehood. So there’s us like actually going to them and putting away falsehood, not sweeping the problem under the rug. Right. And just sending them to the room and not dealing with it. You have to put off the falsehood and let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. I mean, obviously as a family, one of the beautiful things that we’ve seen that we teach in the Parenting Mentor program is that the family unit is image bearing of the family of God. So we learn our interactions and our equipped and trained habits are formed, whether that’s good habits or bad habits on how we treat one another within the family first, right? And then we go into the family of God, right? It’s supposed to translate into that.

And that’s where you get all kinds of things today, right? We see people who are not actually. Members of one another. They go to church, they don’t participate, they spectate, they they just go and leave. They’re not experiencing accountability. There’s no like confessing, forgiving, reconciliation happening. All the things that you think about fellowshipping together, productive, fellowship, morning with one another, that kind of stuff is not happening at the level that it could be, because the family unit is so broken, right? So this is what you’re teaching with parents. Can you maybe walk through the process, the three step process with a parent, let’s say a five year old comes and interrupts, a mom has a playdate going on, and there’s some kids playing, and the moms finally get to have their exciting adult conversation. And then all of a sudden there’s an interruption. And it’s not a polite interruption. Not so. We’ve trained our kids to like, you know, put their hand on mom’s leg. This is a different situation. Yeah. Yep.

And so what we want to do I always encourage three steps no matter what our kids are struggling with. And so let’s walk through the three steps first. And then we’ll talk about how that applies to interrupting specifically. So I always encourage our goal is to reach past the outward behavior and address the issues of the heart. Because God is concerned with far more than outward behavior, he is always concerned with the heart, and so that we need to make it our our priority to that’s right to do, to respond the same way Jesus did. You think about it so often in stories throughout Scripture when people did something wrong, Jesus didn’t shake his finger in their face and say, this is what you did wrong and this is what you should have done. Instead, Jesus often started with heart probing questions, and in order for the people to answer those questions, they had to evaluate themselves. Because Jesus knew how to ask those questions in such a way that the people would have to take their focus off of the circumstances and situations and what other people were doing around them, and on to the sin in their own heart.

So we want to follow that example of Christ and ask the help our kids see, this is not just about your outward behavior. This is about what’s going on in your heart. This is about you being a sinner, just like I am in need of a Savior and in need for Jesus to come and transform your life. I need that and you need that. So when we ask those questions, it helps our kids take ownership for the sin in their hearts, and that helps them to recognize their need for Christ. So start with the heart probing questions. That’s always step one. And then step two. And step three is based on the Ephesians verse that you just read, Angie, that we’re to put off our old selves and then we’re to put on our new selves. And so that’s the completeness. Yes, that is the complete steps there. And again, we never want to stop our training at telling our kids what not to do. We don’t want to say don’t interrupt. That’s rude.

And then they’re like, well then what do I do?

What do we do? That’s how they feel undervalued, you know? Well, where do I go from here? That’s that’s how we provoke our kids to anger when we don’t provide them with a means of escape. You know, I love that verse in Corinthians, first Corinthians 1013 that says, when we are tempted, God is faithful. He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. But when we are tempted, he always provides us a way out. He always gives us a means of escape. So when we correct our children for wrong behavior but we fail to train them in right behavior, we’re going to exasperate them and provoke them to anger because they’re not parenting biblically. We’re not providing them that means of escape. We’re not giving them that way out. So that’s where the put off and put on come into play. So back to your scenario. Playdate kids are supposed to be playing with each other. Mom’s supposed to be having this great adult conversation time, but instead she’s being interrupted. They keep pulling on her and nagging, nagging and mom, mom, mom. And so, you know, we want to start with the heart probing question.

So when my kids would do that, I would I would stop and I would say, you know, honey, are you being kind or rude? Right now? I’m talking with someone. And when you interrupt, are you being kind or rude? Are you thinking about others or yourself when you interrupt? And so just asking those questions and some moms say, well, yeah, well, I have a stubborn kid. If I ask those questions, he wouldn’t answer. And, you know, I always encourage, don’t get into a power struggle. Be wiser than your kids. That’s the first thing I prayed every morning, even when mine were still in diapers before. When I woke up in the mornings before my feet hit the floor, I’d say, Lord, help me to be wiser than my kids today. So we want to avoid this power struggle. Say that you ask those questions and they don’t answer. Just answer for them. Don’t get into a power struggle. Say, honey, if I’m talking with someone and you interrupt, that’s rude and that’s being inconsiderate. That’s thinking about yourself. And also don’t do that in front of someone, because that embarrasses our kids, that humiliates our kids.

I was just going to ask you. So in that situation, would you have, instead of just looking at them, the other moms standing right there, right. Are you going to ask the question like that? Or are you or are you going to? I would.

Pull the child aside because it really, you know, is that.

Shaming thing. Yes.

Our goal if we when we embarrass our kids by correcting them and. Front of other people, whether it’s other adults. Yeah, it is, and whether it’s in front of their friends or even just out in public. We take their focus off of the sin in their own heart and onto the embarrassment and the humiliation, able to.

Look at you and like, think about their heart. Right now, they’re like, who’s looking at me right now? This is embarrassing. My mom’s reprimanding me in front of my friends, in front of in front of the other mom. What is she going to think of me? They’re thinking all those things and looking around. That’s right. And so one of the things that might be a good idea for moms is to go, excuse me just a minute. I need to talk to my my child about interrupting because they’re still in training.

Okay? And and, you know, and, yes, you’ve had to interrupt the conversation yourself. But when you’re willing to do that and take those times that take the opportunity to pull away and take the time to train them in what’s right, you’re preparing them for future situations that are similar. So we go ahead and we deal with it head on, um, every time. And then they’re going to start to get it and also work on these things at home. Interrupting is something that we can work on at home.

It is we can just teach on it even before there’s interrupting happening, which is actually the better situation. We call that there’s a difference between wartime and peacetime, right? Yeah. And I mean, those are kind of drastic examples. But for the mom of many toddlers and little people, you kind of understand, right? Yeah. And what we mean by peacetime is when there isn’t conflict happening. Yes. When it’s a calm time in your day, whether the kids are sitting at the table at lunch time or at breakfast or you’re sitting reading a book, take a moment, pause and go, hey guys, I really want to talk to you about something that’s so important. Are you ready to listen? Yes. And they’re like, yes, mom. And you just start talking about and you ask them questions like you were saying, that’s a good time to also do the question asking and go, how do you feel if somebody interrupts you? If you were talking to somebody and you put it all on their experiences, right, and then go, now, aren’t we supposed to treat other people the way we would want ourselves to be treated? So when Mommy or daddy is talking to someone and you should treat us the same way you want to be treated and.

Ask, is it kind or rude? Are you thinking about others? Are you thinking about yourself? Give them the questions like that so it’s easy for them to choose to be able.

To go to scriptures to like there’s a I can’t remember exactly where it is, but treating other people as.

You want to be treated well.

Or as more highly than yourself. Yes, right. And putting other people’s needs before yours. And there’s so many different things that as parents, we can have those conversations outside of the actual conflict. And that’s actually a proactive parenting, because in those moments, your kids are actually going to be able to hear your heart and they’re not distracted. It’s those quiet moments where they’re listening. You’re in conversation, you’re making eye contact. And then when it comes to the actual time when there has been an offense, you can refer back to that, right again. And that’s so important because especially as a mom of many, there have been times where I’ve gotten frustrated because a child is sitting in a way that maybe I think I’ve already trained them in because I’ve trained so many other kids in it, but maybe I haven’t actually had that conversation with the next one. That’s now 3 or 4.

Yeah, and that reminds me too. We also need to keep in mind that training our children in wisdom is something that we’re going to have to do over and over and over. It may not be. It’s very rare that we teach our children how to apply a biblical principle the right one time, and that they automatically have it. It takes practice. It takes practice. Just like in so many things. Everything takes practice. You know, let me just give it let me give something to illustrate that, you know, when I was a little girl, I remember the first time I put on a pair of roller skates. I stood up and I immediately fell. But after maybe 20 minutes of practicing, I could roll a few feet before falling. And then by the time I was 12 years old, after years and years of practice, I could roller skate with no more effort than it took for me to walk. Now, although that’s a physical illustration, it works the same spiritually when we have our children exercise spiritual wisdom over and over and over, it’s going to become more like second nature to them. And so it’s not a one time thing. And yes, we can become weary. And some of these things that really push our buttons, like interrupting, like whining, like complaining. But my favorite verse, when I would become weary and training in these same things over and over until my kids finally had it. My favorite verse to encourage me was Galatians six nine, and that verse says, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. That was my life verse for parenting.

Oh, I can easily see that. I love that verse. I want to share a really amazing personal testimony with you guys. The first 20 years Isaac and I were married, we primarily went the traditional health insurance route. Being entrepreneurs. In those first 20 years, we had nine pregnancies, one loss, and eight babies birthed Earthside. Each time we were pregnant, we felt limited by our insurance coverage when making the decision on where we were going to have our babies. When looking into coverage for those births, home birth exclusions were a really big deal for us because of the risk of liability in case of an emergency as we continued having babies. Later into life and being older, I was labeled geriatric. I was considered high risk, which made it even more difficult to find the care that I wanted with the assurance of support. Then, four years ago, we switched over to Samaritan Ministries, which is a health sharing organization. A few years into switching, we experienced another pregnancy loss and then we became pregnant for the 11th time, still desiring to have a home birth. We were so blessed and surprised to find out that all our needs were shareable within the organization, and that I could choose the provider I wanted. So we move forward to have the home birth of our dreams. If you’re looking for an alternative option to being able to pay for medical expenses incurred in raising a family, and you desire the freedom to choose your own providers, including alternative providers like chiropractors and naturopaths, we want to encourage you to check out Samaritan Ministries at our link Samaritan ministries org slash be courageous.

In the video, we share how it works and answer a bunch of frequently asked questions. So check out our link at Samaritan Ministries. Org slash be courageous. You know there’s another element to that I wanted to bring up when it comes to perspective. So when we have that perspective shift and we start to see these different sins as opportunities for training our children, it’s easy to get bogged down in the moment of doing it in in that moment and be frustrated, right? Like every mom is. There has been there before, sure, but to remember that I’m molding the character of my child for the rest of their life and to have some vision this is the thing that keeps me going to is to have some vision of what? What are what are they going to be like when they’re older? Are they going to be self-focused, selfish individuals, or are they going to have a heart for other people and be selfless, right. Timothy Keller wrote this book called The Legacy of Self-forgetfulness. It’s this tiny little pocket book.

That I’ve heard of it, I love.

It. Yeah, I wrote a blog post on leaving a legacy of it, because the whole time I was reading, he didn’t talk about parenting at all in there. But the whole time I was reading it, I was like, this totally applies to parenting and how we are raising our children. And if they’re actually growing in selfishness or selflessness, which actually brings up another topic. So we use the scenario just a second ago where a kid is interrupting a conversation between moms and she says, hold on just a second. I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation, but I need to talk to my child. And then they squat down and they talk. Or they go to a bathroom and they talk. Whatever you need to do so that your child is not distracted and able to hear your heart.

And the conversation is just between the two of you.

Yes. And not be embarrassed. I love all of that. But then here’s the thing. I have been in situations with other parents where they will over and over and over again, put their child first to where it’s actually doing the opposite. Have you do you know what I’m talking about? Where they will minimize the value of the friendship and the conversation to where they’re answering their child constantly?

And what’s that teaching the child?

It’s teaching them selfishness. And so I think that it’s important that, you know, for the listeners, we’re not advocating that you’re constantly just just a minute, just a minute, just a minute. But instead in your conversation, prepping your child the first time they do it, because we’re talking about first time obedience here, we’re going to talk to them the first time that there is an offense in this way. We’re not going to wait until the 30th time they’ve tried to interrupt, right? Instead, we go, oh, hold on a second. I need to remind my kid of something real quick. That’s right. And then you get down and you talk to them. You go to another room, go around the corner, whatever it is, into the hall. And you talk to them and you say, listen, this is rude. And you have those conversations. You talk about putting that off. How should you treat people? Okay. What were you interrupting me for? Was it an emergency situation? Was it urgent? Because really, that’s the only time that it’s appropriate to interrupt that way, right? Is if there’s blood or there’s, you know. Right, right. Um, but then reminding them of those things because you don’t want them to always think you never can. What if something happened like a kid said a bad word? Or like you want your kids to know they can come to you. So there’s that fine balance, right, that we’re navigating as parents. We don’t want to just shut them down.

Those are the things we talk about at home. Yes. When is it okay to interrupt if there’s an emergency? Right. Somebody’s bleeding. Exactly. There’s something. Yeah.

You come get mommy.

Sure, but.

But in these other situations where it’s just.

You just want to say something, right?

Exactly. Yeah. This is being rude, honey. Yeah. And and we want to be kind to other people and respectful. And she was trying to tell me something and, you know, having that conversation with them, but then saying if you do this again this is going to be the consequence. You remind them, prep them, teach them.

That’s right. And really you’re giving them the freedom to choose. You know, we talk about being legalistic or authoritative parents, but I would say you have a choice here. You have your choice.

Yeah, you.

Can choose to obey or you can choose to disobey. And honey, if you choose to disobey, you’re choosing a consequence because I love you too much to allow you to disobey and live foolishly. And so they’re. They seem. That it is love that motivates us to train them and to discipline them when they need it, because we love.

Them and we don’t want them to grow up to be a selfish person when they’re older. And you can even tell a child that they get it.

They do. And you know more than we think they do. And think about kids to Angie that are not trained in self-control. Kids that are not trained to respect other people, and kids that are not trained to not whine. You see it.

All over the.

World. We do. And and are they happy kids? No. They’re miserable kids that are not.

They’re trying to make other people’s lives miserable, too, because they want to feel better.

Yeah, yeah. And so they’re not happy kids, you know, this whole gentle parenting movement. Oh, my. You know. Yeah, it’s it’s so heartbreaking because when I look at these kids that are not being trained in the wisdom of the Lord and the parents are not taking the responsibility, God has given them seriously and to be diligent in doing those things. It’s heartbreaking to see those kids because they’re not happy. There’s no joy. They’re going about their days making demands and getting there and getting whatever they want, whatever they feel.

They can have. And they’re not taking no for an answer and being able to say, okay, I crossed a boundary that’s a boundary. They’re not learning social boundaries.

Either, and they have no self control and they’re miserable. And it’s like you said, they’re not enjoying life and nobody is enjoying them. What an injustice we’re doing to our kids when we don’t train them in what’s right. That’s true. And so I don’t know, how did we get off on that? Okay. So let’s go. All right. So let’s go back to so we’re talking about interrupting. And we said we want to ask the heart probing questions to help them take ownership for what’s going on in their heart. And then we want to utilize that. The instruction in Ephesians, it says we’re to put off our old self and put on our new self. So we talked a lot about what they’re to put off, which is interrupting and why they’re to put it off. And so again, we always want to take it a step further. We want to provide them with that way out. We want to give them that means of escape. We want to train them in wisdom and righteousness. So we want to take it that step further. And like you said, the best time to do that is to talk about it at home during times of non-conflict. That’s right. Here’s what we’re going to do. Instead, we’re going to put off interrupting and here’s what we’re going to put on. Here’s your means of escape. And so what I taught my kids, and you mentioned it earlier, is when they had something to say, they were required to put their hand on my leg, on my arm, and wait for me to give them permission to.

Speak or even just take a hand. Yeah, like I would. I would take their hand and say, okay, if there’s something that’s really important, you can squeeze it. Oh, that’s good, really important. So we had codes.

Yeah. Codes.

And I’m all for.

Role playing and.

Codes. Then they’re like yeah. Then they know like if they’re having a hard time going to the bathroom or they have the three year old that’s potty trained but still needs help. It needs to go like that’s kind of an emergency. It’s not blood, but that’s good.

I’ve never even thought about that. You know what I mean? The code where they squeeze your hand. So. But when we practice that at home, we role played at home. And so when my kids put their hand on my arm or my leg or wherever, they knew what that meant was, mom, I want to say something, but I don’t want to be rude. Yes, they knew that’s what that meant and I would always put my hand on there.

I did the same thing to let.

Them know I know you. They knew that. That I.

Knew that. You know.

I know you need to say something. And as soon as there’s a pause in that conversation, I’m going to give you permission to speak. And I actually would.

Keep my hand on their hand until I was ready to say yes. Yes.

So they know.

They’re not forgotten. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I used to with the little kids, I would just put up a finger like if they didn’t have their hand on me, but they like, came and they like tapped me. Then I would just put my finger there and I’d keep my finger up until I was ready to turn to them and say that, yeah, there was these signs.

And what that is, is I know I value, I value you just tell you what you have to say. But I also want to show respect for this person that I’m talking to. And I want you to show respect here too, and especially when they’re little. You know this, Angie, as soon as there was that pause of that conversation, then I would. Because you don’t want to. You don’t want to make them wait. You don’t want them to have to wait, too? Oh, no. No. And so that’s, that’s, that’s that’s teaching them what to put off, but also teaching them what to put on, which is kindness and consideration for other people.

So one of the things that is the hardest or was the hardest when I was an early mom, because I got married at a young age, I was 20 and then we had our first baby when I was 21. And so it was just like, then all of a sudden we’re having all these babies. And I was young, I grew up in a Christian home, and I knew the Lord from a young age, and I knew my Bible. But remembering what verses were the put on verses, what verses would be categorized as put off verses, and knowing where they were was not something that was on the tip of the tongue in the same kind of way that it is today. Obviously, you and I are much more versed because we’ve just been doing this for a long time, and that’s one of the encouraging things to you guys, is that we weren’t that way when we were young moms. And so having tools like the Wise Words for moms is really powerful, because in those moments when maybe you are starting to get frustrated or you’re tired because you are up with nursing babies and you can’t think of the. Probing question to ask, or you can’t think of the right Bible verse on what to encourage them in. And you’re just thinking, all I know is what you’re doing right now is wrong. Right. That’s literally like, sometimes you’re so tired and sleep deprived that you’re like, yep, that’s all I can.

That is exactly why I created that. Wise words from upstart. I created it for myself to start with, because I found that when I would be in the heat of the moment, and especially if I’m tired or I’m preoccupied, I’m like you, I’m very task oriented. Or maybe I’m emotional about something. And in those moments, I would find myself not relying on God’s wisdom and God’s Word, but my own. And that was never beneficial for me or my children. So when I had the wise words for moms, what I what I did there is I just broke down all the behaviors that my kids struggled with, and I had them in alphabetical order so that I could find which one it was whining, lying, tattling, disobeying. You know, whatever it was, I could quickly find it. And then I had just 2 or 3 suggested heart probing questions to help get past that outward behavior and pull out what’s in the heart. And then I, I did the research, I sat down, and a lot of moms call the wise Words for moms their cheat sheet. It is a cheat sheet. It’s a cheat.

Sheet. It to me real quick for those who are on YouTube.

Really, I shouldn’t have even put my name on it because all I did is I sat down and I organized the Word of God so that you can easily put your hands on it. And so what I found is that when I was in the heat of the moment, it just helped me to have self control, because a lot of times we respond in anger and frustration because we don’t really know how to respond. And so when I could go here and find that behavior and I’ve got the heart probing questions, I’ve got what to put off and what to put on in accordance with Scripture. I had a plan, so I was less frustrated.

All of the unknowing and the trying to think so this is the thing, is that as humans, when we’re frustrated or upset or emotional, our brains don’t function to recall things in the same kind of way that they would if we weren’t right. And so having a tool like this that’s so simple that you can have, like, I mentioned earlier, I used to keep this in my kitchen cupboard. I had another one in my minivan at the time, and it’s just been it was a huge tool. And so for for those of you who are watching on the YouTube channel, you can kind of see what it looks like. It’s like a calendar. Yes, like a calendar.

Everything in order, alphabetical order. You define the behavior super simple.

And it’s only a couple pages. So it’s not like it’s this huge commitment of things. You can literally read through this like once a day for a month and probably have a ton of it memorized, or at least know. Oh yeah, and remember the heart. Probing questions a lot more and be more equipped.

And your kids are not. There’s 22 behaviors in there. Your kids are not going to struggle with all 22 of them.

No, there’s going to be probably 2 or 3 that you go to on a more regular basis.

Right? So you just go and you find the one they’re struggling with totally. And it just helped me to have. And what I found is it’s hard to scream the Word of God at them. Oh no. So when you’re going to Scripture, it’s like the Holy Spirit, um, comes on us when we’re quoting scripture to our kids. The spirit is working through us. And so we have more self-control and we’re less, uh, like we to come across as angry and frustrated and irritated.

And that’s awesome. So how much is the wise words for mom?

It’s only $5.

See you guys for five bucks. That’s less than a coffee. That’s right. It’s a coffee gift.

That keeps on giving. It really does.

I’ve actually given this to a lot of moms too. So you can find this at Ginger hubbard.com, right along with some of your other books. Do you want to just tell people what you’ve written? Yeah.

And actually the wise words for moms, we have a special on our website where if you buy three, you get a fourth one for free because they do make very inexpensive gifts to share with mom, friends, baby showers, baby, or just to bless them, you know, with a tool that’s going to help them reach the hearts of their kids for the glory of God. So yeah, you can find the Wise Words for Moms chart on my website. Um, my books don’t make me count to three. Uh, I can’t believe you just said that. And so then I have three children’s books. One is on whining, one is on tattling. No, wait. No, I can’t remember what they’re about. Angie, I’m already brain dead. We’re only day one into this conference, y’all, and I’m already. I haven’t even spoken yet. I’m already. What book did I write? Okay, no. So it was, uh, one on whining, one on, um, lying and one on teasing. Okay. Yeah. So three children’s books. Yeah.

Awesome. Well, you guys can find out more about that at Ginger hubbard.com, or you can find her podcast as well, which is on Apple and Spotify and all the places podcast.

Yeah, that’s parenting with Ginger Hubbard. And so that’s a weekly podcast where we talk about sorts of things that Angie and I’ve talked about today. Awesome.

Well, thanks so much for joining us on the podcast today. Thank you. We’ll see you guys next time. Hey, thanks for listening. And being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement, go to be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works each week. We release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group and the Be Courageous app, live webcasts and direct access to us.

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