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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Wow. We get pretty candid in this episode, don’t we?

It’s awesome. We are talking about loneliness today. This is a topic that will hit the busy stay at home mom that has lots of little kids and feels like she doesn’t have time for friends. This is going to hit the leader who feels like she has a hard time being transparent with other people because they’re always expecting her to lead. This is the episode for the mom who just sent her kids to school and is feeling like, Wow, my house is empty and I’m lonely. Or the homeschool mom that’s too busy to have friends outside.

Or the dads too, that are lonely and practical tips on how dads can help this for their wives and their families. This is such an important episode. We share a big announcement real quick next. So thanks for joining us. Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.

And Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children Biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

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If you want access to all the episodes, show notes and other biblically based resources. Go to be courageous ministry.org.

Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the podcast. We have a big announcement that’s forever going to change how the podcast operates. But first, we’re just so glad you’re here.

Yeah, you kind of got me excited there. I was like, What are we going to talk about?

I can think of at least one thing, maybe two.

Okay, well, why don’t you share one of them right now so that people aren’t on their seat?

Well, you know, we get so many questions and it’s very difficult to navigate the questions that come through, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, text message, email, all of the different emails, different platforms. And so we have found it difficult to answer your questions while we try. It’s also difficult to answer questions fully on some of those platforms because we don’t share everything we believe necessarily out in public. So it’s important to be prudent and wise. And so we have the Be Courageous app and we decided that community is growing strong and there’s also incredible content there. But we thought, let’s answer people’s questions every week based on the episode. So when you listen to the episode, you probably have some questions. We’ll jot them down. Subscribe to the Be Courageous app. It’s like a nominal fee for the incredible value. Yeah. For example, we just did the courageous, Courageous Marriage series, which is six one hour sessions free to everybody. There’s so much content there. But one thing that’s really going to be powerful is we’re going to answer any questions people write. You just type in the question. We’ll put a spot for each episode and then you type in your question. We’ll come in there and we’ll answer questions and everybody gets to see the question and the answer.

Yeah, it’s going to be awesome. And then other people can also participate as well in that encouragement, which is what I love the most about the Be Courageous app is just the community and how people are there for each other and they’re consistently pointing one another to truth and to the word, and that’s awesome. So when people when we put in a question, it’s not going to just be us in the commenting section, there’s going to.

Be an answer if we put an answer in. Yeah. So anyways, join the Be Courageous app. We look forward to seeing you in there. That’s where we can be deep and more candid about answers and things like that. Of course, on this podcast we’re candid and deep. You know that. Yeah, but answering your questions is a whole nother level. So that’s where we want to do that. Join it. It also helps the ministry every time you spend $8.99 for entire month of all the content and interaction and all the wisdom, it helps the ministry and we need the help, right? So also resources are at be courageous ministry.org and we so appreciate being part of the 10 million legacies movement. Your financial gifts, purchasing things, prayers sharing social media five star reviews on Apple or Google are so helpful.

That’s right. So today we are talking about a really important topic. A few weeks ago we did a homeschooling unmasked podcast episode and we got a lot of messages. I got a lot of messages from women asking us to do a podcast on loneliness because that we touched on it briefly in that podcast towards the end of the podcast, and that part was so relevant and encouraging to people. They were like, Can we dig into that more, please? And so we just thought, you know, as the new year is beginning and whether you’re putting your kids in school or not, if you’re a mom of littles, I’m sure that there have been times where you have felt like isolated or lonely, if you will, if you homeschool and you’re busy with their schedules and all of the responsibilities that come with homeschooling, then sometimes it’s hard to find time for other people. So of course, the feeling of experiencing loneliness can hit moms and also moms that put their kids in school. Sometimes, like if you’re used to having your kids home during the summer and then all of a sudden they’re gone, you’re like, okay, now what? And there can be an element of loneliness. So I really think that this is a topic that appeals to everyone, regardless of their situation.

Oh, it absolutely does. And guys aren’t excluded. We need good brothers to run the race with. We need good friendships. And you might be raising your hand as you’re listening. Yep, I’ve got that. Yep, I’ve got that. Okay. Are you cultivating that and helping your wife have that too? Yeah, That’s really important too, is that we have a lot of influence and moms can get guilty so easily. Whether they should or not is another question. But they they they can. And our job part of our job is to, in being a good husband, is to encourage things that are healthy for our wives that they won’t even admit to or even ask for sometimes. And so they might be feeling like, well, I’m not even getting it done to the level I want to here in my home. So I just don’t have the bandwidth to go out there and cultivate friendships.

You can you can obviously figure out what some of our conversations have been based upon what Isaac just shared, because that’s definitely been something I’ve struggled with, is just feeling like I don’t deserve to go out and have this coffee date or whatever with this other mom because I have X, y, and z. I. Need to do. And I didn’t get that done and I didn’t get that done.

And it’s so easy in some ways for us guys to build friendships if we want to, if we’re trying, if we’re good at it, right. And we can all get better at it because a lot of times guys are out there working and you can build camaraderie and conversations with other brothers in the workforce, coffee meetings, lunch meeting, because you’re going to be taking a lunch anyways. Why not hang out with somebody where you’re having lunch? These opportunities are much more readily available for guys and a lot of situations. And when your wife is home taking care of those children, that is such an important job. But she deeply, I think even more, I think God wired woman to even more than us need that real rich, deep relationship with like minded sisters that can run the race with. And if we’re not proactive and encouraged that we might. We might need to look at that.

No, that’s a good exhortation. And I think that for some women, too, there is an element of like maybe having friendships that are not necessarily going to be the most edifying to where you can go into hanging out with somebody and then you walk away feeling the same emptiness or loneliness that you had before you go into meeting with that person. And that’s really a good testing ground. I’m just going to share with you that that’s like one of my one of my bars right there of like, do I want to invest time? Because it’s really a sacrifice for my family and for like the things that I know, the jurisdictions that I want to get done, which is going to affect my family and affect my attitude and all those things too, where it’s like it has to be worth it for me to like want to go and spend time with the person. So I really evaluate and discern, is this something that is going to be edifying or am I going to walk away feeling exactly the same? Right? And so not that you want to go into every relationship with a taking kind of thing, but it’s really like a good a good meeting, if you will, can be really pinpointed by there being a positive giving and taking right where you feel like you’re positively influencing or encouraging another person while also receiving an encouragement as well.

That’s a healthy kind of relationship. Right. And and so we’re going to talk in just a few minutes here. We’re going to talk a little bit more about like going deeper with people. But one of the things that this is this is a big topic for both men and women when it comes to loneliness. You know, I want to ask you a question, and this is a question that I asked myself and I asked myself a lot, which is. Am I expecting other people to fill a void that is creating loneliness that only God can fill? Because I’ve had many moments where I’ve experienced loneliness. There are different seasons you go through. Like I even think of like when I was pregnant with Ethan, right my sixth and I was on bed rest for three months. And while we were a part of really beautiful small fellowship and the older women were in my home cleaning, cooking, homeschooling, taking care of my family. And so there were people there to talk to. I was very I was lonely there. I really struggled with a lot of different things. But loneliness was one of those things. And I realized that part of it was that the friendships that I had built actually in my life that were like the running the race kind of friendships, those friends still had their very busy lives with their small children like I did, and they didn’t have the time to invest and come and be in my home with me and just sit and talk to me.

And and so I felt very lonely because the people that I actually thought I knew the best were not as available as like the older women. Now, I definitely grew an appreciation for the older generation. And in fact, I mean, it was an amazing season in my life and God showed up in a lot of ways. But one of the things that I was faced with because I ended up doing a lot of reading during that time, being on bed rest. And one of the things that God really spoke to me is that I’m allowing you to go through this because I’m a jealous God and I want to fill that. I want to fill that void in. You are you. Is your loneliness dependent upon other people, or am I the source of you being satisfied and content? And I think that that’s a question we all need to ask. If we’re struggling with loneliness, we do.

And if we sidestep relationship with God, we’re going to go out there in our own strength and try and build relationships. But likely we’re not going to encourage the spiritual side of your relationship with people, encouraging people to read the Bible and talking about scripture and things like that, because you’re focusing on your loneliness and you’re trying to solve that only through friendships. And God has kind of put on a shelf over here and you’re not in the word you’re not. Maybe your prayer life suffers a little bit, and that is essential for building good relationships. If you want to attract other eagles to your life, people who are flying strong right, then what do you need to be?

You need to be that.

You need to be that You need to dive into the word so that you naturally attract those other people in your life 100%.

And so, you know, another good question as we’re diving into this topic of loneliness is you’re you’re maybe you’re thinking to yourself, finding 1 or 2 good friends. That’s all I’m asking for. Isaac and Angie, like, how do I find those 1 to 2 like minded friends? And those are that’s a good desire and you should definitely be praying for that. God wants that for you. But I want to ask you right now that if you’re consumed and your thoughts are consumed and your heart and your feelings and your emotions are consumed with this idea of how lonely you are. Are you in a place emotionally, even just what you’re talking, what you talk to people about, Right? Are you in a good place where you would actually be a good friend to one of those like minded people? Because the truth is, is, you know, you hear Isaac and I encouraging people to be 100% who they are in their relationships with people, be 100% who you are on social media, be 100% who you are in real life so that you’re not like building these relationships on like half of who you are or a portion of who you are. And then you get frustrated that you feel like they don’t fully know you. And the truth is, is that when you’re in a lonely state, if you are like pursuing friendships and not taking all of that energy to pursue being fulfilled in Christ, you’re not actually going to be 100% who you are in God when you meet those people, when you meet with those people.

And and there’s going to be a neediness that comes out of you as you’re trying to build those relationships that that really is not. I’m just going to be honest. I mean, this might be kind of harsh, but it’s not as attractive to other people if they feel like somebody is really needy coming to them and just wanting from them. Right. And so that’s why, like we need to really ask ourselves, would I be a good friend? And another good question to ask is, are you good friends with Jesus? Yeah. Are you good friends with Jesus? And you know, this question you might laugh at actually is something that I said to my son Solomon the other day because he was complaining about his brother and how he certain things that he doesn’t like when they’re playing. And and I just said, but are you a good friend to him? And I kind of turned it around on him and I started asking him like, well, tell me the ways that you’re a good friend to him. And he he had to, like, really get introspective and start thinking, right. And I go, Well, okay, so does he have good, good things about how he’s a friend? Well, he does do this and he does do that. And then I said, okay, well, how are you? Good friends with Jesus? Like what? What kind of friend is Jesus? Because we should be following in Jesus’s example. Jesus is forgiving. He doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. He doesn’t do the you.

Know, it’s so funny because this morning at our morning family meeting, I read Ephesians five where it talks about walking in love and it goes on to talk about this stuff. And I told them, Hey, tonight I want you to tell us how you walked in love today or how somebody else walked in love today. And so I’m looking forward to dinner.

Yeah, it should be. Another good conversation. Just made me think of that. Yeah. Yeah, but. But in all all honesty, us as adults, we need to take a moment and ask ourselves, like, am I good friends with Jesus? Because if I’m, like, looking for other friendships and Jesus makes me a better person, I like who I am more when I am connected, deeply rooted and abiding in Jesus. That’s more of who I am. That’s who God made me to be. And if I’m not being good friends with Jesus, then that changes who I am in my relationships with other people, and I want to be the best version of myself with other people. So I need to be first and foremost pursuing Christ. And there’s a couple verses that are super short that I just want to share with you real quick.

I want you to share the verses and we’re going to go into these three points. But first I just want to invite you to the workshop. We have a new workshop we’re doing. It’s completely free. It comes with a 13 page workbook download. People are raving about it. There’s an ability to give it a review. It already has 26 reviews. All are five stars. And so people, hundreds of people have already gone through it and are just getting so much wisdom from it. So it’s called the the Biblical Parenting in a Changed World workshop workshop. So how to be a intentional parent with courage in a world that we’re living in today and the changes that are going to happen in the future, what are the eight foundations to fruitfulness that are so essential? So it’s not very long. I think it’s about a 40. Yeah, We ended up being we end up being around 40 minutes. And so in the workshop.

And then they get a download and then they.

Get the download. So anyways, be courageous ministry.org, hit the podcast and you can get the link to that.

Awesome. So flip with me to Isaiah 4110. This is a really common verse. Most of us have it memorized. Fear not for I am with you, right? It just continues. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. So it’s clearly that God is talking. Here He is the I am with you. And you know, a lot of us, when we’re feeling lonely, the very first question we need to ask is, But am I alone? And we know what God’s word says I am with you. And so if we’re feeling alone and God is saying, I’m here, I’m I’m with you, then why is it that we feel alone? Is it that we’ve walked away from God? We need to really ask ourselves some introspective questions that should lead us to doing the. Right thing and reaching out to God and pursuing our relationship with him first to find contentment. And you know, this is interesting because in motherhood, in motherhood, you’re with your kids a lot, right? I have been a stay at home mom for 23 years, stay at home wife for 24 years. And I have I’m with people a lot. It’s busy. There’s a lot of relationships, a lot of connections. So it would be funny if I felt lonely in one sense. But I have had seasons of feeling loneliness and I’ve always viewed my my first and foremost ministry, my marriage.

And then my next ministry would be discipling my kids. It’s the great commission. We’ve talked about this so many times in the podcast. Well, God sent all Christians out on a great commission, okay? And that great commission is found in Matthew chapter 28. But I wanted to share with you part of verse 20. So in verse 19 it says, Go therefore and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And then here’s the clincher, the very end of verse 20, and behold, I am with you always to the end of age. I had to ask myself something. Why would Jesus put this last sentence in a verse that is commanding his people to go and be among other people? I mean, let’s just think about that for a second. So if you’re doing the great Commission and you’re going out and you’re discipling people, you’re like with people a lot. You’re not lonely necessarily. You’re working, you’re doing the work, right? So, moms, we’re doing the great commission with our kids. We’re busy. We’re with people a lot. And yet God says here, Jesus says and behold, I am with you always to the end of age.

And to me as a mom is comforting to know that he gets that even when we’re doing ministry and we’re around a lot of people, there is going to be this supernatural void where we might feel lonely at times and need to be reminded that he’s with us. There might be times and this could apply to other things too. There might be times in doing ministry where you get fearful and we need to be reminded that he is with us. There might be times where you feel like I’m going to mess up. I don’t know what the right decision is in this relationship and here’s God going, but I’m with you always and I can guide you. And you think of all the other scriptures that talk about that. And so this can apply to so many things. But I also think it applies to loneliness because it’s a reminder that Jesus is with us always, even to the end of age, which is super, super encouraging. Um, and then the last couple verses regarding just God and this relationship with him and that this needs to be something that we focus on is Proverbs 1824 says a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Oh, those people are so special, right?

Well, and the friend that sticks closer than a brother who sticks closer than a brother.

Your spouse.

And Jesus. Yeah, right. Jesus sticks closer than a brother, and he models for us what we’re supposed to look like in our relationships with our brothers.

So, yes. Relationship with Jesus. Spouse relationship. Relationship with children, but we also need those other brothers and sisters. We’re running with. But if we have this out of whack, it’s going to cause corruption over here, too. Right.

We’re not going to be building relationships with other people on a solid rock, right? Jesus. If he’s not a solid point in our life, that’s building us up and helping us to be content.

But I can also say, if you don’t have this over here, it also could be corrupting your family relationships because there’s a real desire and need there. Yeah. And so there has to we have to make time. We have to not just go, well, I can’t even get everything done I’m doing. We have to understand. Do you know this is true? Not just for housewives. This is true in the work world, too. If you ask any executive running a company, you know, how do you get it all done? He will say, I don’t get it all done. I purposely decide what’s most important to get done. And there’s always more to do that I can’t get to. And if they’re good, they try and delegate and things like that. So as kids get older, that’s something to what can be delegated and how do we get things done. And usually anybody doing something really meaningful, really purposeful, really big, which would be intentional mothering, then there’s always going to be some things that don’t get tended to right, But we have to prioritize and tend to the most important things. And what should be in that priority list is cultivating deep biblical friendships.

Yeah, for sure. So I think that, you know, the first step in in cultivating deep biblical friendships is to be biblical yourself, to be pouring into your relationship with Jesus and seeking him and knowing him and experiencing his spirit residing in you. Because then you’re 100% who God made you to be. And when you’re meeting with other people and in friendship, you’re more of who God wants you to be. You’re a better version of yourself. You’re the best version of yourself because you’re filled with his spirit, right? It’s not even you. And so, like, for me, I don’t know about you, but those times where I’ve gotten together because I’ve felt lonely and I’ve gotten together with somebody and had a conversation with them, if I ever walk away feeling like, man, that just wasn’t like fulfilling, I’ll ask myself another question. Was I was I focused on myself? Was I focused on my problems too much? Did I talk too much? Did I you know, like I there are certain things that I know about myself that I can ask myself those questions. Did this hinder the depth of my relationship in any way or this meeting of that relationship? And those are just really good questions to ask, because the truth is, is if we’re going to a friendship to talk and we need to we’re lonely and we’re we’re really desiring connection, but we’re also thinking about all of the things that we need to get done and we start venting that to the other person. That’s not necessarily going to be exhorting and encouraging to that other person. It could come across as really heavy.

You know, one of the tips I gave our church when we ended, I was talking to the children and I said, when you go to churches because we dispersed and listen to the last episode, if you haven’t and it was a great celebration Sunday and what a beautiful I certainly missed everybody yesterday when we went and visited a new church for the first time and just felt like I was really missing our home church. But we all lived 30 to 60 minutes away.

From even.

90 minutes here where church was happening. So we just really believe people need to run the race in proximity, part of what we’re talking about. But the tip I gave is, you know, if you go into a church setting or some place where there’s people and you’re thinking about yourself, you’re not going to come across confidently and you’re not going to come across in a way that’s giving and warm and nurturing towards other people. You’re not even going to realize it, but you’re standoffish because you’re wondering how I’m coming across. How do I look? Does my hair right? Do I wear the right fish for this environment? So it’s actually selfishness. And so we have to not think about ourselves and think about other people because then we’re confident. We’re interested in them versus overwhelmingly interested in ourselves. Even though it’s out of insecurities that we’re interested in ourselves, we need to push that out and be strong in the Lord, confident in our identity in Christ. And we need to be interested in other people and cultivate deep knowledge of knowing them. If you want to be known, we first have to cultivate that and lead that by trying to know others well, by thinking about them, not ourselves. And that obviously was for the children. But I think that’s a message for all of us.

Yeah, I mean, it’s it’s a foundational question when you’re building. And so, again, if you ask yourself that question before you go to that meeting and you realize, oh, I really I’m not my best right now or I am really struggling with this, then you can one, seek the Lord and really try to grow through that before you get gather with the friends right to. To be more intentional when you have that that meeting or that gathering time with your friends to where you are, literally putting aside your selfish thoughts, right? You’re choosing in that moment to be more about the friendship and wanting to grow and like getting to know each other on a real, real level, but not all consuming about your issues. And I think that that’s that’s something that’s super important when you’re in this season of loneliness and you’re seeking other like minded friends, you need to be aware that how you come across when you’re needy, I guess is the best way to put it.

But so point three is purposeful friendship. So we talked about seasons. We talked about the desire to be known and created to be known. And now we’re talking about purposeful friendship. I don’t know about you, but sometimes it can feel like maybe it’s not you right now, but you probably can relate to this at some point in your life where the people around you, where you’re nice to each other, you like each other, but it’s kind of shallow and surfacy and maybe even a little bit fake relationships. And so how do you deal with that?

I think that by leading with transparency and vulnerability yourself and and even so, with that sometimes different people, it takes more of that. Right? But, you know, and you might be thinking right now, well, Angie, you’re saying something different than what you were just saying before, right? Like you’re when you’re in a needy position, you have two options. You can either really focus on that and share, share, share, share, share it all transparently. Right. And potentially overwhelm that new friend. Or you can be more about wanting to learn about who they are and about and talk about the Lord and encourage each other in the Lord and also share transparently that yeah, I have struggled with loneliness but not have to go into all the, the, the whys and the ifs, ands and all the things. Right. And I would say that like when you’re just getting to know someone, you have to use discernment on the level of what you’re sharing. Because obviously if someone’s super lonely, they could spend the whole time just talking, right? Because if they feel like they’re lonely and not ever heard, then that’s that’s like a temptation potentially for them to go overboard with the friend.

I definitely think talking too much can be a big detriment when two people walk away from each other. What are both people thinking and is it, wow, they were interested in me. They got to know me. I feel a little bit more known by them. Or do they walk away and go? I only know about them and they don’t know anything about me. And so I think it’s really important that there’s a is conversation needs to be a play back and forth of interested in the other person and divulging about yourself. Now there is a problem sometimes that can happen that could cause surface relationships is if you’re only interested in the other person. And when they ask you a question, you give a barely answer and you deflect back to them. That is potentially an insecurity too. That’s preventing deepness of I don’t want anybody to know me because I’ve been hurt before and you’re actually scared inside or you don’t know how or you don’t know how or you’ve just been trained. It’s a mechanism in you. Maybe you’ve been part of throwing lots of parties and, you know, doing things with your husband and big work settings and things like that. And you really can relate to that surface doing those things where it is in some of those settings because you’re a leader to deflect back and be interested in them. But just know if that goes into your interpersonal relationships, it’s going to be very hard for you to build strong relationships.

Right? And it kind of I’ll be honest, when you’re building a relationship not with the people that you’ve been in relationship with a long time, but when you’re building a relationship with someone, you have to understand that you kind of are training your relationship actually, right? Which is why we encourage people to be 100% who they are and to be transparent, but also not be solely focused on themselves in the conversation. But the truth is, is you do train your relationships. So if you start getting together with somebody and you are always asking them questions and they’re always answering the questions, but they’re never reciprocating, wanting to know anything about you, you are actually training that relationship to always be that way. If you’re in an interpersonal relationship with someone where you’re both doing good at question, asking and sharing, that’s a more healthy relationship, right? And so sometimes being able to be okay with quietness and sitting there and waiting for the person to reciprocate helps to train that relationship. So it can be an equally giving relationship.

So what is the challenge to do then, if we were to if. If you were to take away one thing to do and it might be different for whoever’s listening, but maybe it’s to, you know, risk a little more in relationship. Maybe it’s to put yourself out there and allow people to know more about you when they ask you a question versus just switching it back to the other person, asking them a question after a very shallow answer. Or maybe it’s to to actually prioritize it and have a marriage conversation and go, you know what? I know there’s a lot to do here, but I think I’m going to do it even better if I have some ladies I’m running the race with. And maybe it’s also to try harder at the church you’re going to. Maybe you just need to start going to church. That is essential. And if you try.

Maybe start practicing hospitality for the first time. Right?

Having people over, maybe husbands, you need to be more supportive of that. And not even though you’re tired and you’re working ten hours a day or whatever it is, you understand the need for your family and maybe you don’t need it. Maybe it just drains you more because you’re tired. 100% can relate to seasons like that. You need to know what’s best for your family. Good leadership is not thinking about yourself and what’s best for you. It’s about thinking about what’s best for your wife. Your wife is there all day with your kids, most likely, and many of these situations. And so she needs to be lifted up. Her cup needs to be filled. And yes, she needs to do it in the word. But she also needs like minded sisters she can run with. So maybe there’s a weekly thing where women gather where she needs to start being part of that, and we need to find a way for her to do that.

Yeah, I just even think about, you know, as a natural leader, I do believe that most of my life I’ve been a natural leader. And the truth is, is that leaders oftentimes do feel lonely. I’m just going to put myself out there, throw myself under the bus for a second. And some people are more needy of friendships than other people. That’s a personality thing, I think. Um, and I will say though, that that when it comes to being a leader, sometimes people think that you don’t have time for them. Sometimes people think, Oh wow, they’re so this way or that way or they, they run that ministry or they are hosting a Bible study at their house or intimidating. Yeah. And they think they they actually believe that they’re intimidating, even though they may not actually have verbalized that yet. That is a feeling that they have to where they hold back from pursuing a relationship with that said leader because they just feel like they don’t match in friendship. And I just want to discourage those kinds of lies from the enemy, because I do believe that that’s one way that the enemy isolates people, specifically, even isolates leaders, is by other people comparing themselves to what they see in the leaders and thinking they’re not a good enough person or a good enough leader or a good enough mom or a good enough wife or whatever it is like, think about if you were going to a Bible study that was led by somebody on marriage and they’re going through this book study or this Bible study, and they’re talking about and encouraging people to be an excellent wife.

And you’re sitting there and you’re like, Man, I just I need to up my game. I really admire her that she’s saying all these things. There’s no way I could be real good friends with her because she’s got it all together. But in reality, we’re all human. And so I do think that there are some lies of the enemy kind of toys with and tugs with. There are insecurities that prevent us from going out on a limb and pursuing a person that actually could be a very good like minded friendship friend. And in addition, if you are a person who’s struggling with loneliness in the sense that maybe, you know a lot of people, maybe you know a few people, but you just your relationships are honestly not the depth that your heart is desiring. Maybe there isn’t like spiritual conversations, deep conversations, maybe there isn’t.

Like like if you were to come to them with a prayer request or something that you know, you need biblical encouragement. You know, you need accountability. You know, you need someone pointing you to what you should be doing and you’re being transparent and you’re not getting that back. They’re just sitting there going, Oh, yeah, I know, Me too. I’ve I’ve had that. And they’re just sitting there, right? Like, maybe you you should sharpen them and saying, you know what I really need from you is this What I really would love is for you to pray for me. Can you pray for me right now and and challenging that relationship to grow to the next level, to go a little bit deeper. And and if you’re not having that and you feel like those relationships are kind of stuck and you’re desiring other relationships, I just want to point out something that I think you might be a natural leader. And it is true that leaders do struggle with feeling lonely at times. And so you need to go out of your comfort zone and pursue some other leaders actually to be in in that. A sharpening relationship with. So I hope that that’s an encouragement to you and.

By no stretch of the imagination should you ever lower your standards, how you do things that you feel a conviction are good for your family, what you stand for if it’s biblical, never lower hide, shrink back from those things because you feel like it’s you’re the only one easier to build relationships. That would be a terrible mistake. We should not shrink back so that we’re more accepted or relevant.

Yes, totally. That’s such a good word, because when you’re needy for friendships or you’re lonely, it would be easy to go, okay, what circumstances in my life are actually the roadblocks that are making me lonely, that are preventing me from getting together with other people? Right. And so if you’re struggling with loneliness, our biggest warning would be to. Pull back from your biblical convictions and the decisions that you have made in parenting and marriage, in lifestyle, in whatever jobs. It doesn’t even matter what it is like. If you believe that God has called you to do something specifically with your kids, do not pull back to make other people feel better so that you can be friends with those people. Those are not the type of people that you would want to be friends with anyway. You want to be friends with people who are pursuing God and are not comparing themselves to you, who are confident in who they are in Christ, so that when they’re confident in who they are in Christ and you’re confident in who you are in Christ, you guys can rub up against each other and be truly iron sharpening iron, right? And so that is what we should be exhorting each other on.

You know, as we’ve been going through this, we’ve talked a lot about friendship, you know, because we’ve we’re talking about the topic of loneliness. And and I would be remiss if I did not mention that we have a biblical friendship course because this topic of loneliness is an entire chapter in the biblical friendship. It’s amazing. Online Bible study. You can find out more about that if you go to be courageous ministry.org and you click on courses, it’s literally right there. We’ve also made it super easy for churches to go through in small groups. So if you’re in a situation where maybe you’re going to a new church and you don’t really know a lot of people, or maybe you’re meeting some people, but you want to go deeper, I could not recommend a more perfect study to bring up and to stir up good, deep conversations about what the Bible says about judging and about comparison about all these things to really bring you guys back to the heart of God, of what it means to be a biblical friend.

And wow, there’s so many challenges with division and churches these days, and this course literally can bring healing in that direction. So such a good resource. Hey, we so appreciate you being part of the movement and being part of this episode today.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry org for more biblically based resources. Ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible be courageous app community for believers.

Also we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group and the Be Courageous app live webcast and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at be courageous ministry org that’s be courageous ministry.org.