“Parenting with Unconditional Love – Interview with Duck Dynasty’s, Missy Robertson”

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Episode Summary

Angie and Missy Robertson (Duck Dynasty Wife) have a candid conversation about having unconditional love for their children and lessons from her new book “Because You Are My Family”

Every child needs to be told and reminded that you, their parent, loves them unconditionally. As parents, we bear the image of our heavenly Father to our children. Our love towards them gives them a glimpse of how the Father loves us all. This next book in the Brave Books series, “Because You Are My Family”, was written by Missy Robertson and is such a great tool to introduce or even just reiterate a parent’s unconditional love for their child. 

Join Angie Tolpin and Missy Robertson, from Duck Dynasty, for this fun conversation about family and parenting from a Biblical Worldview. 

In This Episode The Ladies Discuss:

  1. Honesty and integrity.
  2. Obedience specifically with a happy heart vs. compliant obedience with a grumbling heart attitude.
  3. Adoption.
  4. Forgiveness, sincere apologies, and so much more.

This new book just released by Brave books is the next in a series of children’s books that teach foundational truths and character development examples. The book can be purchased alone or you can subscribe to the series of books which come with a map of “Freedom Island” and stickers that come with each book so that the children can follow along the broader theme of saving Freedom Island! 

Check it out → CLICK HERE

Each book incorporates multiple themes in each one that teaches conservative Christian values through both the storyline as well as interactive activities, games, scripture, and discussion question prompts at the end of each of book. 

Our younger children absolutely love these books, the activities, and being able to put the stickers on the map. These books will definitely be recommended over the years. 

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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from courageous mom and I’m

Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married for twenty one years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the

Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18, and it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting and the fall.

Hey, everybody, thanks for joining the courageous parenting podcast again today, we have a very special episode, as many of you guys know, we don’t often do guest appearances or interviews with people. This podcast, we have just really felt that we wanted to invite a few people recently. This is a new thing onto the podcast that we feel like have resources and are really biblically minded and we can trust them. There’s like a like mindedness in what they’re teaching. And so today I’m very excited to have Missy Robertson on the podcast because she has just come out with a new children’s book. Is this your first one?

Actually, no. I did a series called Princess and Kamau, which was also just a little fictional series about my daughter and all of her cousins. So that was really fun. Wow. Yeah, yeah, that was a few years ago. So it’s been, I guess, four years since that came out. So it’s been a little while.

Well, that’s neat. Well, many of you guys probably recognize her and her family have been a part of the Duck Dynasty. There’s a lot to it. It’s more than just a reality show, right? Like, you guys have so many things going on. But I was really excited to hear that you were going to be the next one partnering with brave bucks. So I’ll just share with the courageous parenting audience right now. If you guys follow me on Instagram, you know that in the Insta Stories, my little three year old and six year old love these brave books. They’re not super duper long, but there’s like a series, so I’ve shared about these. This is the one that comes right before Missy’s book, right?

Is that correct? No, actually, I think that one is, is that book zero? Yes. Ok, so I’m number eight, which is actually number nine if you’re counting zero. So it’s a few years

Down the line, it’s a few down the line. But this one was written by Trent Talbot. So he’s the CEO. And the only reason I’m bringing this up is because it’s the most recent book that I received in the Mail. Just read it with my kids a couple of weeks ago. They were so excited ripping into the package. So I just know when yours comes, it’ll be the same experience. And what’s interesting about this is that each book, like, connects to the next book that comes. And that’s what’s really cool and unique about this series is that you have characters that are coming in and out of this plot. That’s a bigger plot to save Freedom Island, basically. And so Missy has the next book, but I’m going to show you guys the page, my older kids. So I have an 11 year old that was reading this book with me to my younger’s because I read it the first time and he heard Mom like you doing the key of the of the life. You know, when we’re reading it and he’s not doing. And so he comes out and he starts watching too. And. And a lot of times people ask me, like, what are the age groups that these books are good for? And so I honestly think, like even my 11 year old was enjoying it and he picked it up and was like, Hey, boys, you want me to read you this book again in the same day? And so then when he read it, he got to this page right here, which this whole story and I can go into because that’s not what today is about.

There’s this evil, sinister guy black heart that is trying to take over Freedom Island, and he has a wife that in the book, she’s evil, and apparently they have a little baby that gets thrown out of the ship. And my son caught this. We didn’t actually catch this the first time we were reading it, and he brought it back to us. And look, in this picture, you can kind of see Arthur, who’s the lion who’s fighting on the good side, his wife, Fiona, she catches the baby that they throw off of their ship. And this is actually like the evil, sinister couple’s baby, right? And then your book is like the first time that I see this baby again. And I mean, he’s like maybe six or seven, I guess.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I would assume that age. Yeah.

Well, you tell us about the book.

Ok, well, you know, I’m glad that you mentioned that, that this little tiger was thrown out and the lions catch him because this is there’s another book that kind of goes into more of them accepting them into their him, into their family, about adoption. And so which is actually kind of mirrors a story that happened within our own family. Although she wasn’t an infant, she was 18. But we have we’ve had a daughter for four years when I met Karina, and she is from Nicaragua. And in less dramatic way than that storybook but probably more dramatic in her own life is that she was abandoned as as a baby. So she grew up without a mom and dad, and God led her to us at 18 through a wild, crazy, weird series of events. And when we got to know her, she became ours living in our home. Everything, in every sense of the word that a child could be so, so little valour and I’ll show you this is the book Little Valor. Now is the story of him with his parents and those the ones who took him in. But in all sense of the word, those are his parents and they’re trying to teach him values.

And so in the book, he basically disobeys his mother. This is a short synopsis, disobeys his mother and then feels guilty about it and hides runs and hides and doesn’t really know how to come back and say, I’m sorry because it starts raining. And he really wishes he was in that warm, dry kitchen with his mom, but doesn’t really know how to do that. And then when things get really rough, his parents are right there to save him. And so when they get back home, they have a conversation that is ideal, and sometimes I wish I could go back and have more ideal conversations with my kids. But this is a way for you to do that with yours. And the conversation is no matter what you do, no matter how many times you disappoint us and you will again never doubt my love for you. We will always love you, no matter what you do. But there will be consequences to your behavior, and so little valour starts to understand that even though he disappoints them, the love will always be there and he can count on that.

That’s awesome. I mean, as I was just reading through your book, I was catching up on a lot of themes and that was actually like the quote in the book that I had pulled out and written down.

So my favorite one, yeah, I don’t know if I want to give it away or not, but I will. I’ll read it. If you want me to you your call.

It’s seriously. Well, I think that we have so many different themes that I would love for you to share about some of the other themes that you intentionally put in the book. Because I was catching up on a lot. There was at least like, I mean, I’m looking at my dry erase board. Everybody knows we’re a big dry erase board family over here and I have probably 10. And then there were also like eight scriptures you referenced in the back, which I love. But when you when you talk about that specific quote, what hit me the hardest when I was watching it was, This is so great because this is role playing for parents, right? Yes, actually actually read it out with their kids and then their kids are looking at them and they’re like, Hey, you know, I feel this way about you, right? Because sometimes parents, they assume that their kids know that they love them unconditionally, but they don’t verbalize it enough.

Yes. And we assume that because we understand it, our children should understand it and unconditional love. We first learned about that. Most of us through our families, and that is expressed or not expressed through our families. And so, you know, unconditional love, we kind of roll that off our tongue. But what does conditional love look like? Well, conditional love is based on what we do and don’t do and how we please and don’t please someone, whether or not they return that that love to us. And sadly, a lot of people, because of their own brokenness in their past, don’t really know how to express that. So it’s not that you’re not going to discipline or even punish your child for doing what they’re not supposed to do, but doing it in a way that you talk through through it with them and walk through it with them so that they understand what you did is wrong. But there’s a big but you know, when Valor disobeyed his mom, he was supposed to gather carrots and it in the longer story. She disappointed him at the beginning of the book because she had told him they were going to have plans that day. And then she changed the plans because of someone else’s need and another promise that she made. So, you know, her floor half failure was that she had to she had to do something different and upset valeurs de. And as a child, that’s hard for a kid. You know, whenever you have something in your mind that you want to do, that’s fine. And then your mom comes to you, says, Oh, oh, I forgot about a responsibility that we have to do first.

Yeah, I’ve done that as a parent.

Yeah, right. But our children have to learn also that and bigger picture that we make mistakes. And so for us to not own up to that is a disservice to them. So what’s not in here is what maybe she should have said. I’m so sorry that I messed up your plans today, but I’m the mom. I’m the boss. God put me in charge. It’s kind of an underlying theme in that first little section, and I’ve decided we’re going to do this because it’s better for our family or for whatever active service that we’re going to do. So for a child to have to roll with, the flow is not so easy. So he gets upset, he gets mad and he goes and dumps all of the. It’s that she told him to gather and then realizes, oh, now what? And he has to make a choice.

And even before he gets that place where he’s dumping the care, it’s like, I’m watching this. And we were just reading through Proverbs three yesterday and this. What came up in discussion was the concept of a compliant heart versus heart attitude that wants to obey mom and I. We saw that in little valor. While he was going, he was doing the action of obeying the mom and picking the carrots, but he was doing it, grumbling and complaining, which

Again, with a cheerful heart. Right, exactly.

And I’m like thinking to myself, Yeah, how many of like I’ve done that? My kids have done that. And do we address that? Or do we just look at the behavior as parents and we go, OK, well, at least they’re doing it, and that’s good enough to us. That shouldn’t be good enough. Like, not in the sense of like performance based good enough, but in the sense of like, we need to care more about our kids hearts and be chasing after their hearts and having those conversations, which your book actually offers that opportunity to go, Hey, have you ever done that? Do you see what valor is doing right here? He’s obeying his mom, but you can tell by his countenance that he doesn’t want, right? Have you ever done that? And then talking like, I feel like in your book more like, seriously, every page there is like two or three conversations that are different that you can have with your child about just her attitudes or biblical principles, like obeying your parents or even confessing humbly, like you were saying, like mom should have said, I’m sorry. There are so many opportunities. So every time you could reread this book maybe 10 times and have a different conversation with your three year old each time, that is a different story.

Well, the disclaimer to that is it’s not so overwhelming when you’re thinking, Oh no, this is a huge long book with a lot of different variants because you might think and there is a lot to discuss and you might think as a parent, I don’t really know how to do that. My parents didn’t really discuss things with me. They just told me what to do, and I was supposed to do it. Well, there’s just a lot of different personalities in people’s lives, right? So what we tried to do at the back of the book, we inserted some activities, some talking points, some games that you can do. So it not only keeps the child interacting with the story and what the story is trying to convey to them. But it also helps us as parents because we it’s like, what questions should I ask to pull those emotions and those thoughts out of my child so that they can hear themselves say it and then believe it? So this book in the back has a lot of fun little things to do in the back of all the bright books that are like that, but this one in particular because I had my hand in it. So there’s a lot of it that comes directly from me and things that actually I did with my own children when they when they were younger.

I love that because that’s one of the questions we get so much as parents. I think that even remembering back to when I was first a parent, my oldest is twenty one years old now. And so I remember when I was fumbling through things and there’s still new situations that come up where I’m like, OK, this is new territory fumbling through, you know? Yes, thank goodness for the word of God, because that’s it. But it is also helpful to have people who’ve gone before those Titus, two men and women that are willing to share the stories to give ideas of things, which is one of the things we try to do on the Courageous Parenting podcast. We have so many thousands of listeners who are parents who this is a season of life where they need that extra guidance, if you will, or even the inspiration of ideas of conversations that are. And that’s what these books actually do. Like you were saying, yes. Would you share a little bit more about the back of the book? Maybe you could even open it up and show one of the things there’s. There’s so many different areas. It’s kind of like a mini curriculum. I don’t want to say people be overwhelmed.

I know you’re right about a children’s book. I know, but it’s just, you know, it’s optional. You don’t have to do this. This part, you know, is the story and the illustrations. I’m sorry, they’re just super super cute. And even like you could see even little ducks in there, you know, they inserted some things in the illustrations that really mirror our family. But in the back, when I say the back, probably three quarters of the way through there is what’s called the brave challenge. And so we could you could talk about different the different aspects of the book by playing different games and by answering questions and the questions are there. You know, whenever I read it to my great nieces and nephews who are from four to seven, I had four of them here and I wanted to just see their reactions, see what things they would say. It’s been a while since I had a four year old, OK, me is 18. She’s my youngest, so it’s like, OK, I’m going to get back in the groove of this thing and let’s talk about it. And some of their answers were hilarious that I wanted to take.

My nieces so bad because, you know, kids can be brutally honest and and so funny, they’re so funny about how they react when they get in trouble. They’re all different. One of them will just said he just cries right there and says, You sorry? Well, he’s the compliant child. Then there’s another one that says, I run and hide under my bed and I don’t ever come out until supper time, you know? So it’s it’s like covers all ranges, right? Because we’re emotional beings, we all have different personalities. So in order to pull all of that out of your child before something big happens, let’s get talking about some. You know, yes, you disobeyed mommy and dump the carrots in, you know, the the ditch. But what happens when whenever you really do something that requires a lot of forgiveness? Where are you going to be able to run back to me and know that, yes, I’m going to be disappointed and I’m going to hold you accountable, but I will walk you through every single step of the way. So that’s the overall bigger picture of this cute little children’s book.

I love it. So at the end, there’s the game suggestions you guys have. I would say like probing questions. You just said that’s like a good description is probing questions that you can just take one depending on the age of your kid, you could do one. And then sometimes when kids just love these books and you just point it out and showed us the illustrations that are really cute, kids want to read over and over and over again, and sometimes parents get bored reading that same board book where you know what? I’m reading on it. No, I get it. Yeah. And so that’s the thing that for me as a mom especially have been we have nine kids, and so we’ve been reading books to kids for many years and sometimes the same books over and over and over again. And I don’t want to be selfish and be like, Oh, I don’t want to read that book again. But when you read books that have like multiple different ways that can stifle conversations or inspire those conversations, if you will, with your kids, it changes everything. It’s like, yeah, it it becomes a tool that can actually help your relationship with your child long term, but also you can use it to teach them things. And I love that you brought up emotions because that was another theme that I saw in there because kids have big emotions and parents have a hard time teaching their kids about how to have self-control over their emotions, how to communicate their emotions. And sometimes parents don’t even like really create an atmosphere or culture with their kids, where their kids feel comfortable coming to them to share their emotions

Because we’re emotional, too. Yeah, exactly.

So I love that there is this element like the book continues, and after he disobeys and his parents go out and they’re chasing after him, really, it’s a picture of a parent’s undying love. Unconditional love. Yes. And they’re looking for him and it’s raining and they get sick in the end. Why don’t you share a little bit about heart?

Ok, well, I love it because it’s so mirrors what our heart should be for the Lord. So after his parents save him from death, really, he falls into a running river and they save him and they they bring him in and warm him up. And and Balor asks, Why? Why did you come and save me? And the father looks at him and just smiles and just says, Because you’re my son, I will always love you. No matter what you do, I’m going to save you because you’re my son. And wow, what? What an amazing heart that that shows that the father has. And our heavenly father and then valor is so appreciative that his parents go to bed that night. They become sick because they’ve been searching for him in the rain all night, and he sees the next morning how sick they are and decides to take care of them, brings them a homemade carrot cake that he made spent all morning making. So it’s a mirror of the heart of gratitude that we should have for our savior because he did everything to save us. He gave up everything to save us. And so all of this mirrors what our father in heaven, what he did for us because of his love, that he sent his son to die for us.

So I was asked, I want to encourage not just for parents, but maybe even teachers, because I was sharing this with a with a friend of mine who I’ve known since elementary school and her daughter is a teacher in a secular sect of the country and not a Christian environment. And she said, could she does it say anything about God or any scriptures in the body of the book? And I said, it doesn’t. Actually, I sort of had to think about it. It’s like, no, just in the back and in the activities. And she her face kind of brightened up and she. Not I’m not saying that that’s a really good overall, but she said because it doesn’t, she can use that in her school and she can read this story to her students. And so I encourage if you’re a Christian and you want to put these godly principles into your school and into your classroom without without having the privilege of saying God and the Lord and Jesus, you can do it in this way, and it’s a great way to do that.

Oh, that’s a great suggestion. I love that. I mean, some of the other themes to that would be helpful for teachers to be able to encourage in kids or things like even just the concept of every life mattering right like that. Yes. And and doing it in such a way where it’s like if they’ve read some of these other books to write, like the one that I showed at the very beginning of the podcast and then they see this one and and they realize, Oh, this is an adopted family like their adopted kids within the school system, too, that maybe are struggling with not feeling loved or not having that right. And to show them like, Wow, here’s a picture of sacrifice and to encourage their heart and maybe even conversations with that child and their parents at home, where it can also create a conversation that’s needed for that complex relationship, right? One of the other quotes, I’m just going to read it here that I heard this was from Valar at the very end you just shared it. I wish there were page numbers and I had written it down, said, Have you read it? But it says, from now on, I’m going to love you the way you love me. Yes, not because you give me my way, but because you’re my family. And I love that because that shows true heart change. And so when I was reading, that was like, OK, so this is another conversation that we can have with our kids where we’re teaching, not just to say I’m sorry or sorry, but like, what is a heartfelt, repentant apology look like and to really be introspective and for kids to get the message of what you’re telling them about how you love them? There’s no performance based acceptance of you in this family. We love you because we love you. And for kids to really grasp that and how that can shift the way that they have an attitude because it’s modeled for them, right? Lead them in that way, then it’s reciprocated.

That’s right. So the heart of gratitude and the unconditional love, it follows forgiveness. And then it is followed by mercy, and it’s followed by grace. And you know, I mean, I know that God created parents when he did like, we were young and we were, you know, but man, if I could do it all again, you know, it would do so many things differently. And but you know, the the gift of being a grandparent is a gift in itself. And so now that I have a brand new grandbaby for the first time, I know this is part of the inspiration of this whole book. This is what I want her to grow up knowing, and I want to be the support for, for my kids, for reading Brighton right now to help her understand all of this from before she can even start to think for herself. I want her to know that she is loved unconditionally and that it is not what you said performance based. It is not based on what she does, but who she is.

I love that so much. Hey, everybody, I’m so excited about this new book that Missy has written, titled Because You Are My Family. If you’re interested in finding out how to purchase just her book or other books that are in the series, go to brave bookstores.

I believe right now that there is a breakdown in America’s family, and if we don’t get that back, we’re going to lose a lot more than just our children. We’re going to lose generation after generation. So the value system that we have to put in place for our family and for our children has to be solid because we cannot count on what the world is going to throw at us on a daily basis.

So I just have one last question for you regarding this book and for moms, what would be an encouragement for young moms that are in the season where maybe they feel like their kids are really their specific child is struggling with a performance based acceptance of themselves? And maybe they’ve said, I love you, no matter what you do or what you don’t do. I just love you because I’m my child.

Well, having having kids and being a kid at some point in my life, you know, we don’t we don’t always take what our parents tell us for reality and truth. We roll our eyes. And you’re supposed to say that because you’re my mom or you’re my dad and blah blah blah. We don’t really believe it. And so this this book is a way for that, for you to kind of underline and underscore what you’ve been trying or what you’ve been actually telling your child. So, you know, it’s just like when I say it, it doesn’t matter. But when so-and-so’s mom says it all of the sudden because she’s the cool mom and it’s like, I’ve been saying that for, you know, how long and or like, great idea, you know, so this is the great idea. So if you want to reiterate or start talking to your children about unconditional love and about how where we get that is from the Lord, use this as your great idea.

Oh, thank you so much for sharing about it and sharing with us a little bit of your personal life and how it’s kind of woven in little bits and pieces. Yeah, that’s that’s pretty special. So thank you for joining us today. And we will be sharing about your book more as it is launching and and hopefully other parents take advantage of it as well because it is a really good resource.

Thank you very much. Thank you for having me.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. For more resources, go to courageous parenting and courageous mom for free online workshops, blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program. Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, live webcasts and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program. Secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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