“Reflect So Your Children Remember The Good”

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Episode Summary

If you don’t reflect together, they may not remember the good and grow in having a critical spirit.

Initiate times for your family to reflect on their experiences; whether it’s while driving home from church, or after spending time with friends, being out in public, during family trials, or after vacations. What was good, how did God show up, what was challenging, and what can be improved?  Your children will be launching into a pessimistic world, but we don’t want our children to be pessimistic right? Well, what are they learning by your example and are you helping them remember the good by way of open discussion? The Tolpins do this often and you can too!

Main points from this episode:

  • Be proactive in cultivating discussions about what your children are experiencing. This gives you insights into their hearts and minds and enables you to remind your children of the Good and what God is doing too!
  • If you do this often you are helping your children orient their brains toward the positive versus dwelling on the negative.
  • The enemy is the prince of the air trying to discourage as many people as possible. Don’t let that happen in your family.
  • If your children grow up reflecting on how God continually helps them, you are nourishing their relationships with the Lord.

Scriptures From This Episode:

Psalm 145:5-7 –  “They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty and I will meditate on your wonderful works.  They tell of the power of your awesome works  and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 – “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
James 1:17 – “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
Psalm 100:4-5 – “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.

And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in.

The Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting and the following. Welcome back to the podcast. Hey, guys, we’re so glad you’re here. And I know in the last couple of episodes there was some noise and some banter between us just before. We welcome you to the podcast. So sorry about that. Should be fixed by this one, I hope. And but anyways, we’re so glad you’re here. We’re talking about if you don’t reflect, they may not remember.

This is a big topic that’s a little bit of a vague title. Isaac Yeah, we’re going to have to explain that to you guys. But before we dive in, I just want to say thank you for joining us faithfully every week. I know that we have faithful listeners. There’s a lot of people out there that tag us on a regular basis that’ll like take a screenshot of the podcast episode they’re listening to and then they’ll share it on social media and tag us. We just love that. It really is an encouragement to us to know that people are taking the time, getting nuggets out of it and being exhorted and encouraged in their walks.

Absolutely. And so we’re going to dive in in a little bit. I do want to just mention we did three our last three episodes were on marriage and yeah, about team, about growing and fun and about fun. Those are the three different episodes. So I think that if you’re married that those are worthy. We got a lot of good feedback on those, and one of the most important parts of parenting is working on your marriage.

It’s true. Isn’t isn’t it also true that one of the best legacies you can leave for your kids is a model of a thriving marriage, of a marriage that’s centered on Christ? Obviously, we all are probably very aware that what you model will oftentimes be something that your kids expect or look for in a spouse when they’re older. And I know that for myself, that’s always been a huge accountability partner that like I’m not perfect and it’s humbling. It’s at times where you’re just like, Oh, I screwed up, or, you know, you’re just hard on yourself, right? And but then there are those times where you’re like, you can see the delight and the joy and the things that they are doing. And you go, Oh, man, he’s he’s keeping that legacy going. Or it’s just really sweet.

Well, hey, this this episode is about making sure after periods of time or an event or a vacation or whatever you’re doing, you reflect in your mind and you share that with your children. This is really, really important. Or reminds me of when Moses was leading the the Israelites through the desert for 40 years, and they were very stubborn, forgetful people. And I think that resembles all people. Actually, we can be very forgetful. And as you’re raising your children, it’s really good for them not to forget certain things. Otherwise they don’t have the impact maybe you would like them to have. It’s the things we remember that really matter in a big way. I will say though, in the years zero to, I guess 1 to 7 years old, they may not you may not remember a lot of things, but they’re being formed by your influence during those years. But this really is about purpose, reflecting so that our children do remember and most importantly, remember how God was a part of everything we’re doing.

Yeah, that actually reminds me. We want to start out with Psalm 145 versus five through seven. Now, when I’m reading these verses, think to yourself, Man, this is what I want for my kids to do. This is a legacy that I pray my kids will continue on in their family. When their parents write that they would do these things verse five through seven of Chapter 145 and Psalms on the glorious splendor of Your Majesty and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. Don’t we want our kids to meditate on those things about God? They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds and will declare your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. These are things that obviously we all would say I want that for my kids. I want them to do that. I want them to do that in front of my grandkids so that then my grandkids are doing that. Why do we want that? Because we know that God created us for his good works. We are his workmanship. We know that one of our greatest purposes is to shine bright, for Jesus, to bring Him glory, to make him known to the world. This is a collective purpose of all Christians. And so that would be what your motivation is for wanting your kids to do this. But this is the thing. If you’re not doing these things, then likely your kids may not know what it looks like to do that on a day to day basis or even within the family dynamics and be motivated to do it outside of their family in a way that becomes then evangelistic and great, great commission minded.

Now it takes a proactive effort, it takes taking some time. And that is our first tip for you. After you do something. Let’s just talk about church, for example. After you go to church, take some time. To reflect on church that implants what they learned in their minds moving forward much more when it’s discussed afterwards, especially with the parents. And so what did you learn? What did you gain? What did you realize? Tell me about the relationships you’re cultivating at church and who you talk to and these kinds of things.

Were there any encouragements or any exhortations that were given to you, or were you exhorted by listening to someone else’s confession or testimony or or did you experience God in a new way as you’re reading a different part of Scripture, following along with the teacher, and you’re like, Whoa, I never saw that before. Like taking time to have those conversations where you give your kids the opportunity to really think and speak and express themselves is so powerful For them to even be reteaching something or sharing it, it then becomes more ingrained in them. We learn this just even through home schooling and understanding the three different aspects of when you’re teaching children, right? There’s the grammar, the dialectic, and then the rhetoric stages. And by the time they get to that third stage, that’s when they’ve mastered something and they’re teaching it back to someone. And the importance of that is that it actually helps them to memorize it more. So what you’re doing through this process is helping your kids to remember what they learned even better.

And just like the effect of when you were in school, when you’re younger and the teacher called on you to explain something that the class just read together or whatever it is, if you know that’s possible, what do you tend to do? You tend to pay more attention. And so if your children are accustomed to parents always asking, Hey, how did it go? Or this, they’re already thinking about it. They’re excited actually, to think about what could I share with the family afterwards? Because not just them sharing it with you, it’s the siblings hearing it, too. And the edification of a group of people, your family learning more and from really what they got out of it. You can you can take. So you’ve got church of course don’t ruin that by leading with something negative yourself. I think sometimes parents can really dampen the mood about things by their own glass half full.

Or critical spirit. If they’re not walking strong with the Lord. Like, look, you know, are you a negative, Nancy, in a sense of like looking for the thing that is going to be wrong theology or and we should do that. Don’t get me wrong, we did a whole podcast on discernment, especially today, where there’s a lot of progressive thoughts that have seeped into churches all over. We need to be on high alert for sure, parents. But what Isaac is saying is when you’re doing this like this, this practice, right, of reflecting with your kids, to not just be coming out the gate with always having the negative thing. And I think that sometimes that’s a wiring, right? Some people are definitely more wired half glass.

It’s getting it’s going to take discipline, more discipline for some parents than others. For sure. I think, too, like something simple. Let’s say the family went over to another family’s house. Hey, what did you learn? How did it go? You know, and what was fun. And what you’re doing is you’re you’re a good finder in a way, by asking good questions from your children and doing that. And sometimes they may bring up a challenge with any certain thing. And you then talk about that and there’s learning through that and so forth. Well, how did you respond? Well, how could you respond better in the future in that situation? And situational leadership is what I call that, which is, you know, with your children, how do they lead through those peer relationships in a different way in the future, in a better way that brings everybody up? I think that is really powerful. So you’ve got church, you’ve got maybe going to friends house, maybe sports, you know, how did it go, how to practice, go? What did you learn? You know, what was good? You know what was challenging? I wouldn’t say what was bad, but what was challenging and that kind of thing. Because challenge isn’t necessarily bad. Challenge is good because that’s when you squeeze something. What comes out, when you squeeze an orange, what comes out? Well, hopefully orange.

Juice, orange juice.

But maybe you squeeze an orange and something else comes out. So you’re hoping that you squeeze a Christian in.

Jesus comes out.

Jesus biblically, biblical, righteous responses come out and those kinds of things. But that’s not always the case for any of us, right? So we’re we’re in on a journey of faith, journey of walking out our faith, right? We know what we believe, but we have to walk it out and we’re helping our children do that. And so by having this dialogue, this reflection time and that’s why car rides are so powerful, a lot of times you’re in a car with your children. Let’s maybe turn off the music sometimes and ask some questions and and really do that. And I tend to bring in my insights after I’ve gotten all of the kids insights because I don’t want to overly. Lead them. I really want to know what’s on their hearts and minds. And wow, I learned something from them sometimes.

Yeah. I think too, that there’s other experiences that we have that require or not require, but it’s a healthy thing for us to reflect on. Like if you’ve walked through a trial together as a family. Again, we did an entire podcast back way back in season one about why it was important to walk transparently with your kids to a certain degree, age appropriate. Of course, through the trials that you experience or hardships you experience in life so that they can vicariously learn. And Lord willing, you’re pointing to God and seeking God and growing. And they see that modeled for them that in hard times you worship God, you seek him, you lean into him, Right? That’s how they learn that. That’s how they see, oh, real faith in their parents versus just a maybe Sunday church going kind of Christianity. And so I think that when you go through a hard trial, that definitely is a time where you need to sit and have long conversations. Maybe more than once, right? Where you go, Hey, how’s everybody doing? I know things have been hard since Dad lost the job or whatever it is, or since the car accident or since we’ve been sick. It’s been weird the last three weeks or, you know, and kind of recalibrating and helping people, even in the midst of that hardship, to find God’s goodness, to find the ways that God answered prayer, the things that maybe they forgot about, the prayer request that they prayed two weeks before when they were maybe scared that somebody wasn’t going to get well or whatever. Right. And for them to go, Whoa, look at where we are now. That is huge in the development of like people not being becoming the type of people that become overwhelmed in the moment when things are hard. But understanding like, I’m going to get out of this. God is with me. Just like that previous experience that we had back then, God is still good and I’m going to look for those things. I’m going to pass this test, if you will, and that lesson in life, like leading your kids through that process, is completely invaluable.

Memory anchor points is what I would call that, which is I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already. Is the date night one sheet? It is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night to just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to courageous parenting dot com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything at courageous parenting dot com. And I also just want to share real quick about the parenting mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self paced program with live engagement from us in even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it. You can find out more at courageous parenting dot com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal. This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world. It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart. We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind. It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is. Do your legacy a favor and your self a favor and just do it. One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more. We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next.

Generation’s parts in your past where they remember going through something and God helping them through it. And that’s an anchor for maybe a bigger challenge in the future to remember and go, Wow, I know God’s going to carry me through this.

That’s good.

Because he’s already carried me through this. He’s already carried me through this. He’s already helped my family with this. A lot of times they’ll be thinking about their family. Well, it’s already helped my family through this. And I don’t know when I lost my company and we were so in debt from the debt with the company and we didn’t have a clear financial path forward. I just remember us all coming together and we didn’t hide it from the kids, but we responded in a biblical way, meaning trusting God, praying.

Walking transparently with our community.

Working transparently with people around us, and so we could get more people praying for us. And, you know, God provided it was unbelievable. And one of the things that we really did a lot back then and we still do today is whiteboarding God’s blessings, all the ways God has showed up. So reflect. On what is good and what you enjoyed and what was fun about something. But you’re talking about trials right now. How about reflecting on all the ways God is showing up, even if they might not be the ways, the exact ways you prayed for? They are the exact ways God felt were the best for you, right? So. So just teaching him that principle that God always hears our prayers and he does answer our prayers is just they show up differently sometimes than exactly what we pray for, and sometimes they are in as well. How we asked. And they do show up the same way.

It actually reminds me of the very first verse that we went over, right where we’re going to be meditating on God’s goodness and declaring it and bringing it forth. Right? Like in the sense of like making his goodness known and sharing it with the world or sharing it with each other. It starts with each other first, right? Like taking the time to reflect. And that starts with you as a parent. And like, that’s a habit that we as Christians on a parent to parent level, friend, friend like we need to get to that place where we’re thinking about it all the time that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to stop what we’re doing to reflect and think, know, like I can be doing the dishes or doing the laundry or changing a diaper while I’m thinking about God’s goodness in my life or the ways that he’s shown up, even if it is a hard time or a good time. The point is, is that we’re practicing that concept of meditating on the goodness of God, which is what Psalm 145 was exhorting all of us to do. And so if we as parents start doing that, then it’s easier to have those family meetings and encourage your kids to do it on a regular basis.

Absolutely. And since we’re talking about trials, I don’t want you to think that we’re just Pollyanna in perspective, meaning that when challenging things happen, there’s real emotions. There can be fear that sets in. But we have to they need to see us turn that fear into trust. Yeah. When we start fearing, we get in the word and we start trusting in a greater way. And I’m thankful that that’s what our children saw. They definitely saw tears from me. They saw an emotional challenge at times, but, but they also saw faithfulness and they saw a complete trust in God. And and so I don’t think we I just want to give the right impression, which is you don’t have to put something fake forward. Yeah, I think it’s really powerful when they really see your walk with God in on the bright lights of challenge.

I even think about like when we lost our first baby. Not our first baby. Obviously Kelsey was not lost, but when we had pregnancy loss the first time, which was in between Solomon and Eli, and just the grieving process and our kids watching us walk through that and then walking through that and us walking with them through that, that was a very real and trying time for our family. And obviously there was much more to it as well because I almost lost my life through that process. We were processing a lot as a family and individually and to be able to still love God and worship Him in the midst of that hardship and point to God’s goodness. That’s kind of what I’m talking about there, right, is that you still can ask God why, you still can pray and ask God for for a blessing in the future. And then when we did experience getting pregnant with Eli and him being a healthy baby, that was such a there was a different kind of appreciation and joy. I mean, there’s always been joy with babies, but it’s just different after you’ve lost something. It was very healing for all of us in a different kind of way, right? And so to look back on that and go, Wow, look at how God has showed up all along the way has been a really important process for our kids, just even in processing that experience. But, you know, I think about all the things that we’re talking about, whether it’s good experiences or bad.

Isaac It brings me back to Second Corinthians ten versus three through five, which really talks about how like you brought up humans struggle with this. The Israelites struggled with forgetting, right, and making idols out of things and puffing those things up versus putting God on the pedestal that he deserved. And so let’s read this. It says, For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments in every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ. Being ready to punish every disobedience when your obedience is complete. This is a huge passage, but what the overall theme that I want to get across is that there is a warfare that all humans are in, and it’s the battle of the minds. It’s this battle of believing lies or borrowing troubles or thinking and focusing only on the hard things and omitting or forgetting to meditate on God’s goodness and look for the things that he’s teaching you or the lessons that you’re learning, which are priceless. Yeah. Can I just say that they’re priceless? In the sense of like, I would never wish for any woman to lose a baby. The grief of losing a child is almost unbearable, but with Christ, it is bearable. But I will say that walking through that valley of the shadow of death taught me more about a different side of my Heavenly Father that I would have never known about if I hadn’t walked through that experience in life.

So though I wish I had Sailor Rose here, though, I, I that was a very hard time. And again, I would never want anyone to go through that. The lessons that were learned and how I met God, how God met me actually through worship and prayer and a deep there was a deepening that happened because of that time. And that’s what I think of when I think about that loss, actually, as I think about how God showed up for me and his goodness. And that’s what we’re talking about, right? That there is this temptation to focus on the negative only and to focus about what we don’t have or what we lost, what pain we went through, the suffering or whatever, or what things didn’t go our way, when in reality we have a choice to also look for the lessons learned, the spiritual growth, the the ways that God met us, the new way that we know God, that all the things how it brought our family closer, our marriage closer. I just I think that sometimes we need to remind ourselves that there is a battle, that the enemy wants us to focus on these things and not meditate on God. But if we keep our eyes set on Him and on heavenly things, that’s how we begin to heal, right? And that’s how we should be focused in our life.

And so asking questions after a challenging period, after a fun event to find out what is in your children’s hearts and minds is really positive because that gives you an opportunity to lead them and to understand where they need leadership. Are they just focusing on the negatives? It’s okay to talk about the negatives. I think that’s healthy too.

It needs to be talked about.

It needs to be talked about. But are they only focusing on that? And do you want to have a balanced memory about something? And a balanced memory is to really see what is God doing and what are the good things that happened. And yeah, our plans got changed. We got a flat tire on the RV or whatever the case may be, and we didn’t get to go to this thing, but then we did this other thing and maybe that was God’s provision of our safety for some reason and just really trying to understand the heart of God, which is loving us and how things get worked out. One of the reasons we came up with this episode because we just got back from a really incredible, a really special time as a vacation with with our family. We rented a house. It was only an hour and 15 minutes from where we live. And, you know, but we were there a whole week. We it was a snowboarding vacation and lots, lots of things, games hanging out at the house and just rich time with the family. I got so much good one on one time with different kids doing different things, and I just really enjoyed it. And afterwards, we, you know, I wanted to hear their thoughts on it and it was music to my ears. Obviously, we’ve been doing this a long time, so they really do think about things in in good ways and biblical ways in a lot of cases. And so they just went around and shared how much they enjoyed playing games, how they enjoyed the hot tub, they enjoyed just time together, they enjoyed the the fresh powder on the slopes. And thank you, God for providing such 12 inches of new powder while we were there.

It’s a lot.

It was just, you know, some of the best times up there. So and they just and they just reflecting going around was great. Now would they have remembered it? All those good things the same way if we didn’t ask those questions? I actually don’t think so. There is power when you verbalize something and then you discuss it with other people, it really cements that memory in place. And do we want them to have that memory? Yes.

Do we want them to like desire to be a part of family vacations later in life when they’re older and they have kids of their own and we’re like, Hey, you want to come with the grandkids? Of course we do. That’s kind of the culture that Isaac and I are trying to set right. And so and I’m sure that you would agree you’d want the same thing, but part of that is just solidifying and also like helping them to see like, oh, wow, our relationships. Like I heard that a couple of times is it was fun to spend time in relationship with people like, you know, as I was thinking back myself that very first day that we were all there together, Austin and Caroline and Quincy were there. And so and, and Austin and Caroline went up on the mountain with them, and Isaac and I got to babysit Quincy with our littles at the house and have fun. And they all ended up coming back home early from the mountain. You remember this? Do you remember why two of our kids, I think it was Drew and Megan, they kind of whispered to me, well, we decided to come back because. We wanted to make sure we got as much time as possible with Austin and Caroline. Yeah, like playing games, hanging out. And they knew that they were coming back a little sooner. And I just thought, Wow, look at that. They sacrificed their precious powder time on the mountain because they definitely love snowboarding. But they did that because they desired a deeper relationship with one another. And I definitely think that that was cultivated, even if it was just simply enjoying the hot tub together or playing games together and laughing. There was this element of like just what quantity time does for relationships, and I’m just blessed to know that they were investing in that and saw that as an opportunity. But then later they mentioned when we asked him that question, that extra time, building relationships was like the thing that they were most thankful for.

And I think this has to do with all the RV trips we’ve gone on, all the different things we’ve done, all the experiences that we’ve done with our children all these years and and I would say in the last dozen years or so, we’ve been good at asking this question. We weren’t or these questions and reflecting, but we weren’t always great at this.

Now, Isaac and I were just reflecting ourselves together in our marriage before we shot this podcast, and we were thinking it was probably the first nine or ten years that we would do it. Sometimes we would ask the kids, but it wasn’t like this thing that we purposefully, intentionally were like, Hey, we need to do that reflection like question asking thing, just to bring it all back together to God’s goodness. And we have been intentional about doing that the past like 13, 14 years. And it’s I think that it has been a huge I think as far as like also training the kids in them, training their own minds to be able to focus more on the things that thankful for versus maybe what didn’t happen their way. Right. And I think that that’s that’s powerful. It is for the kids for them to go, oh, yeah, I didn’t think of it that way. And when you when you share and other people are sharing, too, they hear other people’s perspectives and then they they can latch on to that and own that for themselves to Right. Like where one of the kids I don’t know, maybe one of the kids was bummed that they came home from snowboarding a little early that day. I don’t know. I don’t know if they did or not. But I’m sure that when they heard their a couple of their siblings saying, Oh, well, we really wanted to spend more time and and it was really good to have that extra time. I’m sure that their perspective probably was led in changing into that, Right? Yeah. And so this is one example of how it can be, how it can be. I don’t know if it was, but how it can be a very positive experience for your kids to be speaking those truths into each other’s lives also when they’re just sharing from their heart.

Hey, James. 117 says Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. Coming down from the father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. So the question then is, do we believe what Scripture says? Do we believe that every good gift and every perfect gift is from above all these good things? And while you might have invested some serious dollars in your vacation vacation and put a lot of effort into planning and all these different things, let’s not take too much credit. You can take some, but let’s glorify the father and how he showed up in in all the things and let your children see you glorifying the father. And they latch on to that, too. And they they start really having this heavenly perspective of like, wow, relationships are what matter and time together and these kinds of things.

Yeah, and good food. Just kidding. We definitely had some good food on our vacation, but I was funny. It’s kind of like I think about that, how we pray before we eat oftentimes and we thank God and we we thank God for the blessing of the food. But and sometimes we thank God for the hands that prepare it. But actually a lot we a lot of the time we do. But the truth is, is like, you know, also I want my kids to know, thank the Lord that my mom and dad are saved, because if they weren’t, they may not have the heart to serve in this way and to be grateful to God because it’s what God’s done in our life that have us wanting to actually invest in a family vacation instead of spending the money on some other thing that we’re going to have to potentially take care of. Right. And so like understanding or, you know, there’s just many things, maybe maybe not even spending, maybe it’s saving it. Right. Like holding on to it. But I just think that there is an element of like every time you have the opportunity as parents to point back to Jesus and go, Do you know that the reason why we’re deciding to do this is because God’s got our heart? Because if I wasn’t a Christian or I wasn’t sold out to obeying God, or I didn’t see the value in our eternal relationships with you guys, it would be much easier to spend that money on this or this or this or this that I want or need.

And for them to like, get like, Oh, you’re investing in us. You’re investing in relationships. They won’t forget that they need that perspective because when they’re married and they have kids, Lord willing, they’ll see the importance of investing in their relationships in whatever ways they can, too. And I just think that that’s an invaluable thing, right, for them to like instead of going, Oh, thank you for the food, but to also be like, I thank God that I have a mom and a dad that like value having meals together, that we’re not always going out to eat right, or that we can sit around the table and have a conversation and and that there’s this investing in time.

I also don’t want you to think that there has to be an event to reflect. No, you could just reflect on the last couple of weeks and do a whiteboard. How is God shown up? We do that. You know, we talk about, Hey, how did this week go? Maybe at the end of the week, maybe it’s after church Sunday afternoon. Hey, let’s reflect on this week. You know, let’s have a discussion about it. How did it go? And you know what? What was great, what was good, what was could be improved.

Know, I think that what can be improved is a really important question, too, because while we want to lead our kids hearts in like being eternally minded and focus, there’s definitely a need for us to like as parents, we need to make sure that we are valuing the fact that they have desires, goals, things that they want to get done, or even emotions or relationships that might be bothering them and that we value hearing from them about those things is so important as parents that our kids don’t grow up feeling like they were. What’s the word that they use now? Gaslighted Right. But instead, like for you to really truly be good at listening and letting them share like the things that were hard and go, okay, so this week let’s make sure that we do an extra effort to help you get that assignment done. Since that didn’t get done like you wanted it to, or get that project shipped or get.

A new pillow. That was a new thing recently, right?

Yeah, Just even like sitting down for 5 minutes and finding a new pillow to order online, stuff like that. It’s like you need to be able to communicate and hear the negative things so that you can help create positive solutions for those potential problems. Right? But I also think that when you’re in the process of this, when you’re hearing some things, remember that there is a battle of the mind, like we read about in second Corinthians ten three through five, and we are exhorted as Christians to take every thought captive under the obedience of Christ. And we have to teach our kids how to do that. We have to train them and how to do that. And one of the other verses that we wanted to share with you guys is from Matthew 634, because this is this battle of the mind can also come at you whether you’re coming home from a trip or you’re going through a hard trial or just in the regular good old mundane of the daily grind, there is a temptation that the enemy or the world right through a comparison trap and different things where people are tempted to borrow troubles. This concept of borrowing troubles. And when when you don’t take time to reflect and you don’t hear your child’s heart, you can’t even catch it when they’re borrowing a trouble to correct that.

And there’s another element to a lot of children aren’t raised with this wisdom right here from parents that do this kind of thing. And so they’re raised in a way where they look at the negative of things. They’re pessimistic, they’re overly critical and these kinds of things. And and then they really base the tragedies in their past on the reasons why they are the way they are today, which has some truth to it. But then they talk to your kids and, you know, it’s really important that your kids don’t feel like they have to have some tragedy.

In order to relate.

In order to relate, they need to have a strength about them, a strong constitution, that it’s okay not to have tragedy in your life and to see God’s goodness in your life If you have raised them in a way where that doesn’t exist. If it does exist, it’s redeemed, right? God is good and they’re healed through the power of God working in their life. So I think that’s really important because we’re launching our kids into a world where there’s going to be even more persistent pessimism is how you say it.


Thank you. I can’t even spell at the moment, but anyways, it’s going to be a critical spirit. The enemy has a critical spirit and he’s the prince of the air around the earth and he’s whispering in people’s ears, even Christian’s ears. And it’s really important that we raise confident Christian kids who are optimistic because they trust God.

That’s right.

And, you know, it reminds me of back when we worked together. You had this thing called the Pause police.


And I think that we we took that into our home right away, being parents after having worked together, because I, I actually was more of the negative, Nancy. I would say throughout my childhood and just growing up, that was definitely something that I. Heard a lot and it just kind of became a way of being to where it was the whatevers. Right. Well, what if I don’t want to do that? Because what if and maybe I’m speaking to you right now, maybe you’re one of those whatevers that doesn’t do things because you’re scared about what could potentially happen, right? I even think about how many times as a mom of teenage drivers where we live in the mountains and there’s snow and it would be easy for me in the fear based parent to be like, No, you’re not going to go out because there could be black ice over and over and over and over again. You never let your kids live, right? It would be easy to just out of love for them and wanting them to be safe. To make your decisions based upon the what ifs. But instead, I have to trust God with their lives, train them to be wise and to make wise decisions. Isaac trains them to be good drivers, and I have to trust that. And they make wise decisions like not staying out too terribly late and coming home before it becomes black. Ice. Right? And so like, but I just think like, how many of you guys parent as a what if for and your potentially borrowing troubles and how is that actually impacting your kids to make their decisions where they’re borrowing troubles, right, where they’re making decisions based upon the negative? What if that could happen in the future? And understanding that the Bible actually speaks to us about not worrying about what could happen or could not happen?

It says in Matthew 634, Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. I think that we do need to go back to remembering how special today is. Yeah, today is special. We have no guarantee of tomorrow. I mean, let’s live today the best we can. Loving, nurturing, equipping, correcting in love, pointing our children to Jesus, building relationships, being productive, doing things that bear fruit and bear future fruit. Sure. But let’s not get so wrapped up in the future that we neglect today. Today is the day it is.

And let’s just wrap up on Psalm 100 verses four through five. It says enter his gates with Thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name for the Lord is good. His steadfast love endures forever in his faithfulness to all generations.

Amen. Thanks for.

Joining us. See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. For more resources, go to courageous parenting and courageous mom dot com for free online workshops, blog posts, and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program. Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes. Most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, live Webcasts and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program, secure your spot now at courageous parenting dot com that’s courageous parenting dot com.


Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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