“You can’t control your children, but you can control being faithful as a Christian Mom. Habits are a big part of that. ” Habits for a Sacred Home, Jennifer Pepito

Jennifer shares how she realized that for years she was parenting from a place of fear, regret, and worry that her kids would make the same mistakes she had made. She realizes that lots of Moms make that same mistake and it massively affects their parental decisions but more important the atmosphere of their homes. Striving for perfect can lead children to feel insecure and like they never measure up. When we put too much pressure on our children because our own insecurities as a wife, mom, homemaker, or homeschooler, we leave our children feeling unloved and struggling in their identity in Christ all because we are not parenting from the gospel. 

“I was a wild teenager so I don’t want my kids to be that way, breeds an atmosphere of almost distrust in God because of my fear.” JP

“You can’t through the baby of righteousness out with the bath water of shame.” Both the church and homeschool movements are guilty of this, understandably they were burned by early homeschool leaders, but that is not an excuse to through out all structure, just because those leaders were too authoritarian. The pendulum swings so hard when there are no cultural anchors in a family that hold them to how they are staying inline with the mission God has entrusted to us.

We must recongize there are anchors to our faith that we must cling to if we want to see our culture change.

Jennifer shares that she studied the Rule of St. Benedict  and found a lot of encouragement in it.  He lived in the dark age, when the pagans were overruling the land and we live in a modern dark age, but we can set our homes apart and be a city on a hill by practicing spiritual disciplines like hospitality, order, balance, stability, community. As we do these things it changes the culture. As we have a set apart home, people wonder why we have the hope and peace we have and then they desire it.

Courageous Mom Challenges & Tips:

1. Don’t be such a perfectionist about hospitality! 
2. Pick one thing, one spiritual discipline, such as reading the Bible daily with the kids for 15 minutes, or praying together in the moring. Try and do it for a month- evaluate and see what change you see. 

“Regardless of if you are late or not, just start something- 1% improvement”

1. Don’t use your phone for bible study. Get the real bible out! When your kids see the phone, they don’t know if you are on social media or? When you have the actual Bible out there is no confusion of what you are doing!
2. Don’t look at your phone until you have conquered 3 routines/habits in your morning. 

 

Get over the embarrassment of people seeing the imperfections of our home, because it’s not a Kingdom emotion. 

Partner with God in what He is calling us to, without the lies of “You are not creative enough, Your home isn’t nice enough,” and not allow thoughts that are not God’s thoughts.

When a child starts to experience embarrassment they begin to lose creativity and faith. 

Jennifer shared her testimony of struggling with her identity and realizing she had made a family and idol. 

“We are dealing with shame ourselves and then we project that on our kids. 

I was getting my identity from if I was a good mom. So then when they misbehaved it would erode my identity. 

Our identity shouldn’t come from if I am a good Mom. 

We are not representing the gospel to our kids: I am not saved by my good works, Jesus loved me and gave himself for me.” Jennifer Pepito

Jennifer and Angie spoke at length about hospitality and what prevents women from even wanting to have people over, but they also give some practical encouragement to women about the incredible opportunity we have to share the love of Christ when we do. 

For More Resources from Jennifer Pepito CLICK HERE

Main Points in This Episode:

• Fear of the World vs Being a City on a Hill
• Struggling with your identity and being a Mom
• Not making family an idol
• The temptation of pendulum swinging when something doesn’t seem to be working in parenting or homeschooling
• Does it matter what time of day we read the Bible?
• How to do Bible time with Kids
• The call to be steady and faithful
• The Rule of St. Bendict
• Hospitality- what stops people from practicing it
• Embarrassment: The Mother and the Child

Register today! Includes 13-page roadmap download

Scriptures From This Episode:

– 2. Corinthians. 5:11-21 – “Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.“

– Lamentations 3:32-33 – “but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men.“

– Matthew 5:16 – “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.“

– Galatians 6:1-2 “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.“

 

@thepeacefullpress & @jenniferpepito

Jennifer Pepito is the host of the Restoration Home podcast, author of Habits for a Sacred Home and the founder of The Peaceful Press (http://thepeacefulpress.com). Jennifer is on a mission to help moms overcome fear and live with wonder and purpose, and her homeschool curriculum empowers this through heroic stories, heartwarming poetry, and engaging life skills development. Her resources help create joyful memories among families, which leads to deeper connections and lasting relationships. Jennifer’s writing has been featured in several online and print journals, including Wild and Free, Commonplace Quarterly, and Home Educating Family. She hosted the Wild and Free podcast for seven years and has made guest appearances on other popular podcasts such as 1000 Hours Outside, At Home with Sally, and Read Aloud Revival. Jennifer lives in the mountains with her beloved family, where she enjoys reading aloud, working in her garden, and watching the sunset.

BE COURAGEOUS app

Freedom of Speech app for Christians 

Financial Gift

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord. That ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Courageous Parenting Podcast. We’re so excited to have you here with us. Today. We have a special guest on the podcast, Jennifer Pepito. She’s the author of a few books and has just come out with a new one. And so I’m very excited to talk to her about that. Today we’re going to talk about all things regarding parenting, managing your home, maybe some homeschooling stuff, all the things. Um, so welcome, Jennifer. Thanks for joining.

Us. Thanks so much for having me. Angie. Yeah, we we were online friends a while ago, like I think before either of us were very active on Instagram. We did a 31 Days of Courage maybe together. So yeah, it’s been a little while.

It has been a little while. So why don’t you just introduce yourself to the audience so people can get to know you if they haven’t heard of you before? How many kids do you have? How long have you been married? How long? Yeah, school. All the things. I have.

Seven children. I’m so happy and thankful for all my kiddos. And I’ve been married to my husband, Scott for 34 years and homeschooling for over 26 years. This year my youngest two are 15 and 17, and so we’re doing sort of a hybrid situation with some on site classes at a charter school. This is a new experience for us, but so far it’s been great and I just love homeschooling. I write homeschool curriculum at the Peaceful Press. Okay. And, um, my husband and I were missionaries in Mexico for several years, so we talk about that. Some in my book, mothering by the book. And my newest book is habits for Sacred Home. It’s all about spiritual disciplines that can help anchor and restore modern families.

Oh, I love that tagline. I love that so much. Um, so in our Be Courageous app, we have been doing an online Bible study every Friday for an hour to an hour and a half in our Courageous Mom group that is titled The Heart of the home. And so every week for the last 15 weeks, we’ve been meeting for an hour and a half on Fridays and talking about different topics regarding homes and our role as women in leading and managing in the home during the day. And what does that look like? What does the Bible say? And so this topic of habits for a Sacred Home are literally right in alignment with what we’ve been talking about. So I’m excited for my audience to just get extra wisdom from you today in your book, one of the things that you say, because there’s like a lot of lists on your home page for this book that say, if you are feeling this way, then this book is good for you, right? And one of them that really caught my eye, which is like the heartbeat of the be courageous ministry is if you feel like you are worried, anxious, stressed out about launching your kids into this world or the world that they’re living in, this book is for you. Can you explain to us why this book is for us? If that’s us?

Yeah, well, you know, I was reading the news of the world and feeling very alarmed. We almost moved. We live in California. We almost moved out of state several times. Um, and so I was very concerned about it, but I read a few different books about how people in during the Dark Ages were able to save not just themselves, but civilization through some basic Christian practices, like writing down the scriptures and praying regularly and gathering with a community. And as I read those books, it just helped me see our lives now through that same perspective that yes, the culture is crazy. Yes, people are, um, doing they’re they’re engaging in behaviors that will destroy themselves. But the things that Christians have been doing for years, for thousands of years, are still the same things that will save civilization today. And so I use in my book the as examples, the lives of several Christian women, such as, you know, Elisabeth Elliot, who went back to a jungle tribe to share the gospel after her husband was killed. Um, I talk about Sabina Wurmbrand, who continued to share the gospel living in the midst of Communist Russia. Um, and so I think looking at some of these people in history and even as far back as Saint Benedict, you can see that Christians have been living through chaotic times since the beginning and still, um, bringing restoration to culture through just obedience to Scripture and obedience to sort of a godly rule of life or a godly structure of values. And I think that families today can put some of these values into practice and bring more restoration to their own homes, their own families, and ultimately culture around you as you put these into practice.

You know, that’s interesting that you say and ultimately culture around you as you put these things into practice in your home and in your families. Right? Because then your families go out into the world and their lights and reflective of what they’re happening here. Right? Which is truly that is this essence of what we’ve been talking about in our heart of the Home Bible studies is that our homes are actually an embassy because God calls us ambassadors. Christ in Second Corinthians chapter five, where he appeals to us that we have the ministry of reconciliation. That’s something that he has given his believers. Go fulfill your ministry, the ministry of reconciliation. And then again he says, and I appeal through you as my ambassadors. I appeal through you the message of reconciliation. And this is such an important calling that we recognize in our life. But what does that look like as a mom when you’re trying, when you have little kids, you can lose sight of the larger mission that you’re on when you’re doing all of the mundane tasks throughout the day, whether that’s changing diapers, doing laundry, doing dishes, vacuuming, cooking all the things that we do on a daily basis over and over and over again religiously.

Really. Right. Um, and so what would you say to the mom who is just feeling in the thick of it? Maybe she has 2 or 3 kids that are under four and she’s like, really desiring to get out of her home and not be doing what she’s doing. I’m just going to be really blunt with this, because I think a lot of women struggle today, especially with, um, there’s really a almost like a I don’t want to call it a war, but there’s an opposition that happens among women with like, being proud of being a stay at home mom. And when you own it and you’re like, I’m at home and this is my job, this is my duty. This is what I’m this is my sacred calling right now. And then all of the women who are like, maybe working outside the home, sometimes they feel like someone who just owns that is saying that what they’re doing is wrong when they’re just trying to, like, have confidence in what they’re doing. Right.

What was I.

To encourage them to? Yeah.

Well, I mean, I think for every mom it really comes down to making a step like steadiness and faithfulness. And so in I have a group called the Restoration Home Community. And in that group this year we’ve been working on just a few habits a month. So this month the habit has been a morning prayer and psalm with our children every day. That’s one of the habits. And there’s one mom in there who her her oldest child is only like 2 or 4 years old. I can’t remember if she’s if it’s like a one and two year old or a two and three, something like that. And she’s been doing this morning prayer and Psalm every day with her child, and she’s seeing her household become more peaceful. She’s seeing her children memorize more scripture just through that simple, really, really small step. And so I think sometimes we underestimate how important small things are to that the peace of our homes. And so if moms could just start taking, you know, those little 1% improvements of, okay, I’m going to I’m going to pray with my family today. And it doesn’t have to be.

I think sometimes we make too big of goals to start with. Like we’re like, okay, we’re going to pray for an hour every day, or we’re going to pray seven times a day or, you know, we make some huge goal. Instead of saying, we’re just going to read a Psalm every morning and say a quick prayer together. And then if we if we start being consistent with that one thing, then we can add something else. But when moms get overwhelmed and, and they, um, you know, somebody gets sick and then everything goes to ruin and they just, like, feel so ashamed of themselves and they give up. That’s when we see culture degrade. But when people can continue to be faithful despite the setbacks, despite that one day it’s going to go really well and one day everyone’s going to tantrum right in the middle of morning time and you’re going to be, um, putting out fires and dealing with heart connection instead of having the morning time you dreamed of, but you just keep being faithful and then God will reward that, um, faithful sowing of good seeds. Well, I.

Think a lot of moms, you know, I love that example of having morning time, for example, you just call it morning time, right? But being faithful in it over time, it takes time for your family culture to shift. And so having grace for yourselves to in that process of like not having the expectation that everybody’s just going to be so eager to sit and listen to mom read the Bible, right? Or they’re like, but instead going, okay, I understand. I’m trying something new. What are some realistic expectations I need to have for my family so that I don’t get discouraged? And remember, this is something that God has put on my heart to do faithfully. So regardless of how my kids respond, I’m responsible for what I do. And so I’m going to stay faithful because it’s about me and God. And then the kids hopefully will start to like their hearts will change and they’ll start to desire that. And I know that for Isaac and I, we call it family Bible time and morning time, and for our family, it works best for us to have breakfast together and to do our family meeting and and Isaac will read the Bible, and then I’ll sometimes bring in another scripture, or he’ll ask me if I have anything to add. And, and then we’ll talk sometimes about current events and what’s happening in the world and how it applies to Scripture. And so, um, right now we’re going through Hebrews as a family. But we also like when certain things are happening, Isaac will bring in revelation or Matthew or, you know, we’re like all over the place, but it brings it alive to your kids. But when they’re little, it can be harder, especially if they’re.

Like, medical freedom is something we all desire. And I think we’d all agree that in the last four years, we’ve really realized just how important it is to have a trusted, like minded doctor.

You should be able to build your medical team and choose who you get care from. Knowing that where you spend your money is a matter of stewardship and a desire to support local Christian medical businesses.

Absolutely. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to help support businesses that have a biblical worldview on life and health.

Here’s the problem more often than not, you have to choose your doctor off a preferred in-network list. And if I’m really honest, those clinics usually see such mass quantities of people that it’s incredibly impersonal and you walk away feeling like a number. In addition, in most cases, in order to be seen by specialists, you’re required to get a referral from a primary care physician, which costs more time and money.

We want to introduce you to a biblical approach to health care Samaritan Ministries. You can find out more about it at Samaritan Ministries. Org forward slash be courageous.

They’re a health sharing ministry built on biblical principles of bearing one another’s burdens practically, financially, through helping with health care costs and spiritually through praying and caring for one another.

Samaritan ministries gives you the freedom you desire to choose your doctors and health care professionals, including. This is cool alternative care providers like chiropractors and naturopathic providers as well.

The process is simple and provides us, as Christians, a way to obey Scripture and care for one another as the larger church.

Samaritan ministries is the only health care and sharing ministry with direct member to member sharing.

I love that we. Our monthly share directly to another brother or sister in Christ, to support someone going through a medical crisis or recovering from a medical need, rather than to some large corporation.

So if you’d like to find out more about Samaritan Ministries, go to Samaritan Ministries. Org forward slash be courageous. That’s Samaritan ministries org forward slash be courageous to learn more.

When you sign up don’t forget to tell them that be courageous mystery or Angie and Isaac Tolpin referred you.

The links will also be in our weekly podcast show notes at Be Courageous Ministry.

Org if they’re if your little ones are your oldest kids, like right now we’ve got a bunch of young adults and teenagers that are setting the example and the culture for the younger kids, and I’m the one that’s like, no, no, listen to daddy, no, no, listen to your brother. No, no. You know, and keeping them in line. But when you’re doing it by yourself, it can be harder. And so like for me, for many years I did my morning devotion. I did it in the morning because my husband would leave early for the first 15 years. We were married and it but routine made it something that the kids could predict. And every human being has this like innate desire to want to have control over their life. Wouldn’t you agree?

Oh, yeah.

So when you were, like, clear with your kids on what to expect, then they feel empowered. Okay, we’re going to do this and then we’re going to do this. Yep. Okay. And so there is that element.

We just talked about that on the Restoration Home podcast I talked about with my daughter, because I did morning time consistently for 26 years. But sometimes I would start at 9:00 in the morning. Sometimes I’d be like Bible time in five minutes, and then I’d start a half hour later because I’d get distracted. And I think that can be so frustrating for our kids when we aren’t consistent, you know, the more consistent we can get. And it’s like it is a process sometimes, especially if you don’t naturally, if you’re not naturally bent that way. But even with that process, it was better that we did it, you know, with maybe an inconsistent start time than to not do it at all. And I think that’s sometimes the message is just start, just do something instead of continually making excuses and saying, oh, you know, I woke up too late this morning, or the baby had a poopy diaper this morning or whatever it is, just start something. Even if it’s something really small, make that 1% improvement.

You know, it’s interesting. I used to and you hear a lot of people say this when it comes to like Bible study or having alone time with God or, um, doing a morning routine with family where they’ll say, it doesn’t matter what time of day you find a time that works, good for you. But there are so many verses that talk about your morning. Your mercies are new every morning and like needing that reminder at the beginning of the day to recalibrate us. And recently I’ve just been realizing that, like, it was actually kind of an untruth that I was believing to think, oh, I could just push it off because you can if you can always just push it off, then it doesn’t end up happening. Because if you don’t lead your day, your day will actually happen to you. Do you know what I mean? And so being just picking one thing, I think if there’s something that a mom could take away, what I hear you saying is pick one thing in the morning to just be faithful and try that thing first and see in like three weeks, right? It takes about 21 days for a new habit to really, truly, like, be set in stone and become a habit. Um, but to to exceed and look back, how how have we grown as a family? How has this changed the culture of our home? Do a little test it can’t harm, right? Yeah.

And that’s what we’ve been we’ve been doing a lot of that in the habits for a Sacred Home group. The Restoration Home community is just having people report in at the end of the month how it changed the culture of their home. And it’s beautiful to see that, you know, families in real time are experiencing more peace or experiencing more connection as a couple, or they’re seeing their children be able to more readily remember what the scriptures say, just with really, really small shifts. And, you know, another one of the habits we’ve worked on this month is just, um, not looking at your phone until you’ve done your top three morning routine items, because I think that’s more often what’s happening to us as modern moms is we get up, we pick up our phone because our alarm is on or something, and then we start texting our friends or checking our social media or doing our online shopping, whatever it is, instead of like, oh wait, I’m going to read a little bit of scripture first. I’m going to move my body. First, I’m going to make sure my kids have a good protein rich breakfast. First, I’m going to do the important things first, and then it’s going to set up our day for more peace.

And I know, like for me, people are always like, oh, get up before your kids and have your quiet time so your mind is ready. And that never worked for me because the earlier I would get up, the earlier my children would wake up. And so I, um, I did have to learn how to connect with God even when my children were awake. And I think, yeah, yeah, I mean, you don’t have to have quiet time before your kids get up. There are great audio Bibles you could play while you’re making breakfast for your family. Um, there are great, uh, even even prayer apps if you need some help being guided through prayer, um, worship music, putting on worship music first thing in the morning, there are many ways that we can be connecting with God in the midst of the busy days of raising children and, and, um, you know, especially when you have a big family. But I think it’s just what are our priorities and what are we highlighting first in the day so that we can have that connection with God that helps us make wise decisions through the day.

It’s interesting because I think that when you put a pressure on yourself to have this like perfect little Bible study setup, right, that you’ve planned for an hour and you’re like, okay, I got everybody doing quiet time, I’m going to sit and I’m going to do this, and then it gets interrupted. What can happen is we can have this resentment and bitterness start to grow like, oh, they don’t respect the I need my time, right. And if it doesn’t look right. And so instead we need to have like a shift in our thinking of what it can look like to be doing our time with the Lord while our kids are awake. I actually think so. For me, I 100% relate to you. I could not get up earlier than my kids because they would all wake up earlier. That’s just what happened. No matter how much I was tippy toeing and trying to be quiet, the reality is they would wake up and they’d see mom and they’d, oh, I’m not going to go back to bed. Like they get up to go to the bathroom and they see me, and then they come right and want to cuddle, right? And so I started realizing. It’s actually a good thing for our kids to see us in the word and not not that they don’t see us because they’re sleeping or they’re doing their own quiet time.

And so I shifted things about a decade ago to where it was like, no, I’m just going to be in the word in front of the kids. They’re going to see me with the Bible actually open, not it on my phone. Because if you’re on your phone looking at your Bible, your kids don’t actually know that you’re in the word. They might assume you’re like on social media or looking up a recipe or like whatever, right? But if we have the actual word of God out, there’s no confusion. They see mom in the word. They see mom desiring to be fed. They see mom going for wisdom, going to calm down. If maybe she was having a hard day or whatever it is. And I think that that literally is the number one game changer with our kids. Like having that habit themselves later in life. If we want our kids to be in the word and be be led by the Lord, then like we need to be doing it first and modeling that for them. And so. Okay, well, about your book, you were mentioning habits. This the how did you come up with the title for habits of a Sacred Home or.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I, um, I actually have had this podcast called Restoration Home for the last couple of years. And so that was what I was thinking of for a title for this book, because the, the idea is that we don’t have to give up just because something isn’t working out right. And I’ve been homeschooling, you know, like I said, for 26 years. So I’ve seen so many families where they started out very hopeful and with great high ideals. And then something happens, you know, somebody doesn’t kind of fall in line and, and the whole thing falls apart. And I and I don’t want to see families do that because the truth is, we can’t really control our children, but we can continue being faithful ourselves. And so I want really to set families up to continue to hope and restoration and work towards restoration. And I think that habits are a big part of that, that that you know, in mothering by the book, I talk a lot about my journey of overcoming fear and some of the ways that I let the Lord heal my heart. And and that brought honestly a different perspective on habits, because I think before that process, I was doing a lot of, you know, I had a lot of good mothering habits. I used, like I said, the managers of their homes.

And I had my day all set up in a little rhythm. And, um, you know, was very disciplined in my parenting, but a lot of it was from a place of fear. A lot of it was like I was a bad teenager. I was a wild teenager. I don’t want my kids to be like that, or I don’t want my kids to make the mistakes that I made. And so there’s a lot of parenting from a place of regret or like, um, I’m not going to do what my parents did. And so, you know, with with that process, there was a lot of wrestling, like, have I made my children an idol? Have I parented out of fear and then created sort of an atmosphere that breeds, um, a little like a little bit of mistrust, even in God, because so much of my motivation was fear based. So I resolved a lot of that. But then I realized, you know, you can’t throw the baby of righteousness out with the bathwater of of fear and shame. And so, you know, I I’ve seen this with the church and even the homeschool movement that so many people were maybe burned by some of these early homeschool leaders. And so then they they have almost gotten to a point of having no structure and. Right. Yeah, yeah.

And it’s it’s really sad to see the pendulum swing so hard and families really being destroyed and having almost no anchors, no cultural anchors to hold them to a set of values that have kept the culture going. Like if you look at Orthodox Jews, many of them are doing the same practice they were doing a few thousand years ago and having more stability in their families or, or the Amish. Like some of these communities. I don’t want to be Amish. I don’t want to wear a wig over my hair like the Orthodox Jews wear, but I but I do want us as a Christians, especially Protestant Christians, to recognize that there are anchors to our faith that we should continue to look towards if we want to see restoration in our culture. And some of those anchors, I think, are really well explained through the Rule of Saint Benedict, because often we we look at Scripture and we’re like, well, here’s, you know, it says, submit yourselves one to another. It says, wives, submit to your husbands. It says it says this. It says that like, it can get almost a little bit overwhelming. And we need to keep on seeking out Scripture and trying our best to understand. But I did find like a set of rules that were very easy to explain in the Rule of Saint Benedict, and especially when you look at that in context of he lived during the Dark Ages, he lived when the pagans were overrunning the land.

And so we can see that, oh, we live in our own modern Dark age, but we can still, as Christian families set up a, a home that is a. It is that on a hill that is almost, almost in that same way, like a monastic home where we are a set apart home, we are a home where, despite how evil the culture is, we are going to continue Christian practices that have stood the test of time. And some of those are things like hospitality or order or balance, um, community stability. And as we put these sort of family rules into practice, we can see our homes be restored. But also, like I mentioned earlier, it’s it, um, it washes into culture as people see. Oh, wow, these people are living a little bit differently and they’re having more hope and peace. Maybe I would like to try some of what they’re doing. Maybe, you know, we’re letting the gospel shine through. You know, it says, let your light so shine before men. They will see your good works and glorify your father. And so that’s part of what we’re doing, is we, um, just continue living by a Christian code of ethics.

I love that. And the whole point is to glorify your father. It’s the Great Commission. It’s like to to know God and make him known. Right. And and teaching our kids like you can go through catechisms, you can sit and and study different curriculums that are going to teach your children those things. But there’s a big gap with the kids of and we’ve seen this in multiple generations now, where a lot of kids are leaving the faith by age 18 because even though they know it right. And a lot of people will talk about the importance of, well, it’s it’s not done in vain. It’s hidden in their heart. Okay. Yes, it might be hidden in their heart. But here’s the thing. Like the difference maker is actually experiencing God with your family doing the things that you’re teaching. So like when you’re reading a catechism or going through and you’re teaching a basic principle, right? Let’s let’s just use hospitality as an example that has become a lost art today. Hey there. We just wanted to invite you to join us in the next Parenting Mentor program, where we talk more about the heart of parenting in session two. So take a listen to this next little clip and we hope you join us.

Steven, I realize that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.

This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me the vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in Scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it. One of the.

Best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation where.

Our lives, as especially in the Western cultures, is different in other cultures that really do value family and community more. I’ll just be honest. I lived in Turkey for six months as a missionary as well, and during that time hospitality is a huge part of their culture. Huge. But here people are so busy. There’s this scheme of busyness, as I like to call it, that distracts people from being able to have time. When time is truly our best commodity, our gift from God. It’s like our lives are like a vapor here, right? But we’re supposed to steward our time well, and yet we’re not obeying the call to hospitality that every Christian has. And so it’s this, this concept of things like hospitality and having it be a part of your routine, which is, I think, what you’re talking about. Right. Like as a family, being a mission and going, we’re going to have a routine of hospitality. What would you say to the listener who maybe has not been practicing hospitality? It seems completely overwhelming to them. They say they’re too busy and they’re worried about judging like, oh my cooking’s not very good. There’s so many different excuses people use for not having people over what’s what’s like a couple things that you could tell that woman to encourage her in the biblical call for hospitality.

You know, I think just not being such a perfectionist about it because I think some of the greatest impact that we’ve made as a family is just when neighbors stop by, you know, having neighbors stop by and offering them a cup of tea or, or a cup of coffee or something that has, I believe, made it a bigger impact than some of the, you know, really planned out meals that we’ve had. Because when people when people if you are living in connection with God, people sense the difference. There is an atmosphere of peace that God himself creates. And people sense that when they come into your home. But if we don’t open our home at all, there’s no opportunity for, um, for us to be a light. And then I think, you know, there’s there’s a principle of, of water, you know, when water is flowing, it stays fresh. But when water is stuck and there’s no outflow and inflow, it gets, uh, brackish, it gets rotten in a sense. And so when we as families are only living like a closed off life where, uh, we, you know, we don’t welcome anybody in, we’re we’re just, you know, kind of circling the wagons and only living for ourselves.

There’s as our children grow, they’re going to sense that lack of purpose and almost that the atmosphere is more about fear of letting the world in than it is about the hope of the gospel. And so as we, especially as our children grow into the. And I’m not I’m not talking about putting your kids, your your tiny children in public school to have them be a light. I’m not talking about that at all. I’m just talking about, yeah, the fact that, you know, children need to have a sense of purpose and and a sense of like, we have a calling to go into the world and make disciples of all men. And part of how we do that is at least opening our doors. And that’s one of the the principles. Like in a monastery, the doors were always open for hospitality, but they did not stray from their routines. And so I think that’s been one of the, you know, maybe things that people have sought out is like.

On your routine, right?

Yes, yes. So, so you can welcome people in, but then you’re still, you know, we’ve had people over for dinner and still done our evening Bible time or we’ve still done kind of the normal things we would do, because if we welcome people in and then we conform to their set of values, we’re not really having the impact. But if we welcome people in and continue living according to what God’s laid on our heart, then we can have that impact of showing and and, you know, I think like a lot of the time, it’s just like a neighbor drops by and, and we’ve had neighbors, you know, drop by and bring us fruit and vegetables. And I mean, what a gift that was. And then it was, it was not like there was some formal thing going on. We were just talking, but we were being ourselves in front of them. And and people don’t see loving families very often. People don’t see moms and dads or children and parents interacting in a loving way very often. So just the interactions of a family, loving each other, I think is very impactful to people who are on the outside.

I love that you’re talking about this. This is something that we haven’t really talked about a lot on the podcast. Um, I do have like in the heart of the home, we talk about there’s two sessions that we talk about biblical hospitality. And for those who are listening to, if you want recipes to like help you make it easier and a mini little Bible study on what did they do in the Bible with house churches and what did hospitality look like? What are the verses that where God is talking about this call of hospitality and how like for me, one of the biggest things I learned when I studied hospitality was this concept of how we as wives, being helpmeets to our husbands. This is actually one of the things that we can do to help our husband to be elder qualified, like we should all be pursuing to have the qualifications of eldership, which is in second Timothy. Right? And again in Titus. But but here’s the deal. Like it says two times in Scripture that an elder must be given to hospitality. Must be. That’s that’s kind of like a strong statement must be given to hospitality. So if we as wives, like if our husband wants to have people over, we all know who does the like getting ready for hospitality. Like we all we all know who does most of this. Usually the wives, right. And along with the children. And we lead everybody. Oh daddy’s going to be home. And then this couple’s coming over. You know, whether it’s they work with daddy and he’s inviting a couple over from work.

So we get to be participating in missionary marketplace missionary work by letting people into our home. Or if it’s a neighbor coming over for dinner, it doesn’t matter. Or if it’s another family from church and you’re having fellowship, right? The reality, though, is that so many women, if we get stuck in our perfectionistic mode and we have those standards of it, has to look this way and this way and this way because of either how we were raised or maybe how we weren’t raised, or what we see other people doing because we get stuck in that comparison trap. It prevents us from just being obedient and opening the door like you’re talking about. And I, I love that concept. What you just described is kind of how we’ve always been living. We’ve always had this open door policy, which requires our kids to learn an element of flexibility, too, which can be good for your your. So here we are talking about routines and the importance of routines. But one of the things we had, we had a couple kids actually out of two of our nine that are like type A, super like high control, independent, strong, what’s going on, leader type kids. I’m sure you’ve had a couple of those. I mean, when you have seven you at least have one, right? And one of the things that we realized with one of the kids is that it was getting so intense in them that there was like they would get stressed out or have anxiety if they didn’t have control, like if something changed in the schedule. And so we put that kid in what we call boot camp of like, you know what? You’re going to learn flexibility.

And for us as a family, getting in our RV and going on a three month RV trip where you have no control of if your vehicle gets broken down or not, you have to change the plans was literally the best boot camp for those kids. In regards to what does it look like when your plans don’t work out and you have to shift and you change your plans and you have flexibility. And I think that as moms, while we pursue having a routine, we have to have flexibility. So like if we plan to have morning Bible time at 8 a.m., you’re talking about morning routine and it’s 815 and we’re still waiting on two kids to show up. And now all of a sudden, like a baby spits up on the rug and you have to get up, and then another kid leaves because you’re not sitting there. You know the routine, right? And then it’s 825 and you’re getting discouraged and you’re like, it’s been almost a half an hour. We’re not going to do it. No like having flexibility is not allowing the the the tardiness to get to you, but still be determined. You’re going to do it. We’re going to do it. It’s okay that it’s 25 minutes late. And that’s that literally is like embracing the reality of imperfection in that moment and being willing to just continue being faithful in what you’re supposed to do and recognizing it doesn’t have to be done on this rigid schedule. You know what I mean?

And I do want to clarify, like, we you know, we had our homeschool time was pretty sacred. Do you know what I mean? We had our morning time was pretty sacred. And so I didn’t just let you know, I didn’t let neighbor kids just drop by any time and and take my kids away to play. Like, if someone, um, you know, if someone wanted to come play, that would have been a little bit different where they would have had to do exactly what we were doing, you know, they would have had to fold into the homeschool routine or come back later. I’m more talking about, you know, if a neighbor drops by with something, I would always offer a drink or, you know, because I think that we some families, the mistake they make is having no oversight over their children because it’s such an open like a swinging door to the neighborhood, you know. And so then kids are constantly off playing with with people who maybe you don’t have the same values. And so then your, your own family values are being eroded by too little, um, oversight in a sense. And, and even I mean, there are other dangers that happen when we’re not keeping an eye on our kids. And so there’s that balance of like, yes.

Place where people want to be also, so you can have eyes on them, right? And if you’re able then and you’re like, you know, provide snacks when kids come over. Like for us, we’ve never really actually had that problem with people interrupting our homeschool day because either they’re homeschooling or they’re in school when we’re homeschooling. Right. And so that hasn’t been like an issue. But as far as like neighbors popping by and dropping off things or helping us put up cattle fencing or different things like that, like I feed them, you know, like that’s my love language is to serve them and like, show thankfulness for them being there and helping out and like, they come into chaos though sometimes. And what I mean by chaos is like right now my kitchen is filled with all my starts, all my like, plants. For my garden. I have about a thousand plants in my kitchen right now near the windows. It doesn’t look like the most. Um, it’s not the prettiest. There’s dirt on the floor underneath because when you water, sometimes it falls down, you know? But that’s just a short season, and I but I do. I stop letting people come over. No. I’m like, this is our life. I’m okay. You can see this. Look at this. And then they’ll come over.

And I think that’s that’s so healthy because then you’re like, people are seeing what a life looks like. Like, I often was starting dinner while people were sitting at my bar. I had a bar in my kitchen. And so I was often starting dinner or mixing up bread or doing some kind of work while people were there. And it’s a life didn’t stop. Yeah, life didn’t stop. Things weren’t perfect. And I think that it’s really good to get over that because you know, I, I, um, for we are in a new house right now, but for the last six years, we lived in a house with open windows and lots of glass all around. So a fishbowl in itself. And it was a beautiful little house. I put a lot of love and care into it, but then we, um, you know, we definitely were just ready to have people stop by at any time. And it was a it was a wonderful life of just people coming in. And there might have been clothes or homeschool books on the table, or just you just get over that embarrassment. And I think that’s so important. Like embarrassment is not it’s not a kingdom, um, emotion really. Like like God. I mean, we’re covered by the blood of Jesus, and and we, you know, if we have faith like a child, when children start getting embarrassed, that’s when a lot of their creativity and their faith starts to be eroded. And so if we want to get back to that place of being, like, so hidden in Christ that we can we can try things and, um, partner with him on what he’s calling us to without letting, like, embarrassment, say, oh, no, you can’t be creative. Oh no, you can’t host people. Your house isn’t good enough. Like those kinds of thoughts I do not believe are are heavenly thoughts. I don’t believe they’re God thoughts. And they they get us more self focused instead of being willing to love others and love like our father loves.

I love that I. Okay, you said something just now that I. I hope that the moms heard, which was when a child starts to experience embarrassment and that emotion, that feeling or whatever, and they focus on it, they lose creativity and faith. Can you explain that a little bit more? That’s very powerful. Um, before you explain, I’m recalling just that I wrote a blog post many years ago about not shaming your child, not embarrassing them when you are like correcting them in public, for example, and having respect for your child. And if it’s something you need to confront, like taking them into the bathroom to talk to them and like understanding like they’re human, they get embarrassed in the same way you would get embarrassed, right? And so treating them the way you would want to be treated, it’s that second greatest commandment, loving them in that way and understanding their autonomous person and their identity, and that they have feelings and respecting that, and not just parenting to them. Do you know what I mean? And oh yeah, I shared that because I had I was always hosting a lot of playdates and and whenever moms came over, I always told them I tried to lead in that. And I said, hey, there’s a bathroom right here, or there’s this whole guest room and there’s a den in the back, too. So if you need to change a diaper or you need to talk to a kiddo while you’re here, this is your space. Go ahead and put your stuff down on that bed. You know, and like, I can’t even tell you there were multiple women out of maybe 30 or 40 different women over those, like five years. We lived in that house, that there were a couple that literally even cried and were like, I am always so nervous going to someone’s home because I have times where I have to have conversations with my kids or I have to correct them, and and I don’t know what to do, and I get embarrassed. And so then I just leave.

Early.

You know what I mean? Or they say no to playdates and I know, like. There are so many women that have reached out over the years saying that they’ve invited people over and they don’t reciprocate or they don’t come over, they don’t accept the invitation, and then they are like, why? Why aren’t people accepting the invitation? And I think this concept of embarrassment. Of the of their lack of parenting or their lack of knowing how to parent in someone else’s home is scary to a lot of people. Can you speak to that for a minute?

Yeah, I really appreciate that you paused there, because I do feel like often we are dealing with a lot of shame ourselves. And so then we project that onto our kids. Like like I know for myself, as a young mom, I was getting my identity from being a good mom. Like, I was, um, feeling, you know, that was where in some ways, my, um, my personhood was coming from. Is am I a good mom, am I do I have good children? And so then if my children did misbehave, it would erode my identity, and I would and I and then in embarrassment, I’d be like, oh, you know, and I and I never corrected my children in public, but still I would be I would overreact to their mistakes because I was embarrassed. And that’s just so destructive because we’re, we’re, we’re bringing to them the idea that if they make a mistake, they’re less than we’re we’re not representing the gospel to them. But once I started to have a better understanding that I am not saved by my own works, I am not saved by what a good mom I am. I’m not saved by how perfect I am. This is not what saves me. Like Jesus loved me and he gave himself for me. That is. That is why I am saved. I’m not saved by my own works. What I do is just a gift of love. Like I love God. And so I’ll do my best to obey him. And so when I when I got that settled, when I then, then I could make mistakes or my kids could make mistakes and I could still train them.

But I wouldn’t let humiliation make me shame them. And so I think that’s just so important because it is, you know, you just see so many moms, even who are like, oh, I can’t paint. Oh, I can’t garden. Oh, I can’t decorate. Oh, I can’t homeschool like, there’s so many I can’t. And I think a lot of that just came from feeling, um, like they couldn’t measure up, like feeling like a failure, making some kind of mistake and then not being able to put that mistake under the blood of Jesus, but instead making a decision about who they were or who they weren’t because of that. And, and I really want myself and my children to feel like, you know what? I am a child of God. He is perfect, and he sees me in like. Like when God looks at me, he sees Jesus. And so that means that I can try things. And if I make a mistake, God’s not going to send me straight to hell like he is. He is patient with our with our mistakes. He is gracious with us, and so we can keep on trying to do better and and trying new things and being creative. And yes, sometimes we’ll make mistakes, but it doesn’t, um, it doesn’t define us because we are defined. We’re identified by our our place as believers, like we are secure. Our salvation is secure. Yes.

No. It’s so good. And I think that sometimes we don’t realize how our own insecurities and our own lack of identity being firm in Christ, but in the things that we do, affects the development of our children’s identity. Being strong in the Lord versus in the things that they do and their performance. Right. We call that performance based acceptance of yourself and performance based parenting, which is like the complete opposite of gospel based parenting. Right? And so understanding that, yes, our the things that we do right are the stewardship, for example, right. Um, or how we treat other people is a reflection of our relationship with the Lord, but it’s not what saves us. Right. And so like when we look at the bad behaviors we recognize, like those are a symptom of a heart issue. And so like when you recognize that and you go, oh my goodness, there’s a heart issue in my kid. Like you’re broken over it because you know that that is separating them from God. Like there’s a separation and they need leadership, gentle leadership like Galatians six two says, right. If any brothers, if any of you have caught anyone in a in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore them in a spirit of gentleness. That’s Galatians six one and two, and it’s one of my most favorite verses, because it’s not it’s not advocating a gentle, parenting like movement ideology, because I’m I’m not for all the things that they talk about. However, the Bible does call us to be gentle and kind and loving and long suffering and patient, and we’re tested in that. And we’re not perfect people, but we need the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives to help us to do that. And when we mess up the Holy Spirit to convict us and to apologize, you know. And so thank you, Jennifer, for sharing with us today. Um, I if you guys want to find out more about Jennifer, where can they find you and find your book?

Yeah. If you got a habits for a Sacred Home.com on that page, I have some wonderful pre-order bonuses. There’s a set of poetry pack with some beautiful psalms and poems. Um, there’s a free workshop on kind of defining some of your own values and, and some ways of starting towards better daily structures. And so that’s all habits for a Sacred home.com. And I’m also on Instagram at the Peaceful Press. That’s where you can find my homeschool curriculum that is, you know, features life giving and really beautiful stories and then activities, projects, practical living skills to really develop a whole child as you homeschool them.

That’s wonderful. So we have listeners from all over the world, and some people might be in your territory. And I notice that you speak at some homeschool conferences. Do you want to share when you’re going to be speaking next and where you’re going to be at?

Yeah, for sure. I’m going to be in California in kind of Northern California, Sonora in June for the Rooted Home Conference. I’ll be in Houston the end of May and also in Branson in the middle of May. And I think I’m going to see you in Houston. Yeah, yeah. And then that’s the Texas Homeschool Conference, the Teach Them Diligently Branson conference. And then I’ll be speaking again in Sacramento and then in the in Franklin in October. I’m having a retreat for my restoration home community members. So I’m really excited about that. We’ve been going through just building habits every month through habits for a Sacred Home this this year, and it’s been so transformative. I know that you see that as well as you mentor parents, that as we start to work on these concepts in community and have the accountability of fellow parents, it creates so much more acceleration in our, um, our ability to really stay on track and build more peaceful homes.

Oh for sure. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. And for those of you who are listening, you can find more about the show notes from today, as well as links to where you can find about Jennifer’s book and where you can find her on social media at Be Courageous ministry.org. If you just click on the podcast link, there’s show notes for every single one of the podcasts. And I just want to say thank you guys for listening, for joining us again and furthering the 10 Million Legacies movement. If you want to share this podcast, we would sure be appreciative. And we just thank you so much for all the reviews and and star reviews and all the things. So join us again next week for the next parenting podcast. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement, go to be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission, and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group and the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous Ministry org.