Should You Stop Having Kids In Uncertain Times?

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Episode Summary

Our reactions during challenging times often reveal the most about our core convictions. One thing is true, God and His promises don’t change regardless of what’s going on in the world. In this episode, we look to the Bible and share our own raw story of facing this challenging decision regarding whether you should have more kids during uncertain times and encourage parents as we share a vision for raising up confident Christian kids in today’s uncertain world.

There are good things that come out of hard times. Growth happens in the valley If you engage. As humans, we tend to think about what we’re capable of. But instead, we should be thinking of what is God capable of through us and through our kids and our future kids. If we make decisions about having more kids out of fear we could be negatively impacting the future generations.

The good news is God has a unique plan for every family, so we should never be influenced simply by what other people are doing. But we should always be influenced by what God wants us to do, especially when it comes to whether to have another child.

In This Episode We Cover:

  1. Reflections On The Time We Are Living In

  2. Children Are Always A Blessing

  3. Introspection Regarding Idols

  4. There Is A Time To Abstain From Intimacy

  5. Trust God’s Promises

  6. A Special Encouragement For Women Who Are Pregnant

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Scripture In This Episode:

Matthew 24:27 – “For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.”

Luke 21:23 – “But woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck, in those days! for there shall be great distress in the land, and wrath upon this people.”

Psalm 127:3 – “Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

Psalm 118:5-8 –I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place.  The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? The Lord taketh my part with them that help me: therefore shall I see my desire upon them that hate me. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.”

James 1:2-8 –My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

1 Corinthians 7:5 – “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Philippians 4:6-9 –Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Proverbs 1:33 – “But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.”

1 Peter 2:16 – “As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God.”

Proverbs 19:23 – “The fear of the Lord tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil.”

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Full Transcript

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom. And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married 19 years and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible. We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome to this important episode.

Hi, guys. Today, we’re gonna talk about some really very. Interesting times that we’re walking through im trying to Be careful about how I say this. Yeah. I’ve gotten a lot of messages from people. Oh, yeah.

Who are pregnant, who are nursing babies, who are thinking about having more kids slash not thinking about having more kids or decided not to. Right. Primarily because of the times that we’re living in these uncertain times.

So we’re going to unpack this. Have a good discussion. Bring some scripture into it. And our hope is that it’s encouraging for everyone. But encouragement doesn’t always keep you in the same place.

That’s not the goal of encouragement. Always, right honey?

Oh, don’t even get me started.

He knows that I led our church women’s retreat through studying the gift of exhortation.

So we’re talking about should we stop having kids in uncertain times? That’s a really good question. And whether you verbalized it was someone you may have thought it.

You may have thought. I know that. I recently wrote an Instagram post regarding this just because I’d been getting so many messages from people. And overwhelmingly, even people who have like three year olds have been thinking this in regards to the three year olds. Their five year olds are 10 year olds going. Wow, this is a crazy time to be a kid, to be growing up in these times. What are we experiencing with a global pandemic and all kinds of other things potentially in the works?

Yeah, we just don’t know. It’s uncertain.

Well, and I’m sure back in 1918, I think it was when there was a huge plague. I’m sure people were also thinking the same thing. Right. So, you know, its human nature. Yeah, it is. And it’s it is crazy times. I think it’s fascinating times. I think it’s really fascinating right now.

Well, as you know, Isaac, he’s always saying it’s the greatest time to be alive. And see it. And by the way, that that’s not being callust.

It is tragic when people die. That is not a good thing. Were you know, we’re praying for people, frankly. Yeah. But in a biblical sense of biblical events, it’s it’s exciting because we have hope for the returning of Christ and we don’t know when that is. But we have hope for that. And, you know, the world’s going to go through labor pains, as the Bible says.

That’s right. And is part of it. Can I also add that, isn’t it?

Aside from tragedy aside, like if you take you set those things aside, isn’t it encouraging when you’re living through things and you’re able to go, the Bible predicts this? Yeah. Just another proof that the Bible is true. Wow. Right. Because think of all the people who are living their lives completely apart from God. Yeah. Who are not walking with the Lord, who don’t know the truth that are in God’s word. Or maybe they have heard some parts of it and they have a hardened heart towards God. And you’re literally like, how can you have a hardened heart towards the Lord? Look at what is happening. This is proof that the Bible is truth. Right.

I also feel for the small business owners and large business owners, frankly. And or if you’ve lost your job, I feel for all that and have experienced those things before. At the worst possible timing. So I understand. And it’s very hard. But the what can be redeemed out of that is just holding fast and trust in God. And we’ll dive into that stuff.

By the way, all is revealed when you’re home all the time with everyone in your family. Isn’t it?

Yeah. It’s funny because for us, we are home with our family often. Yeah.

Because you you work out of the home, but you also work from home. Yeah. And we’ve homeschooled our kids for over 16 years. There was only one year that one kid wasn’t here with us. Right. As far as homeschooling. But I still homeschooling the other kids. So our oldest is almost 20. So this has been our life. We don’t really know anything.

It’s cool. It’s a little different. I mean, you know, our son drives and goes and does stuff and they have kids here every day. Things were not always all together, but lately we have him. But, you know, it is great training for this. Just do a three month RV trip around the country.

That’s true. And that’s what I was getting, too, though, is that this is different than normal home school life.

But it’s also like what we’ve been living for the last 20 years has been a boot camp for preparing us for this sanctifying time. Now, there’s still heart attitudes coming out, conflicts between different people that you have to deal with.

All those things happen in our family, too. Our perspective, though, is oftentimes different than most people’s because we go, hey, we just need to work on this.

Praise God that this has been revealed. And so we would encourage you in that, too.

Well, let’s dive in. Actually, first of all, I want to thank you for just being part of the 1 million legacy movement. five stars on i-Tunes just tapping it. That’s a huge help. Written reviews, read every one. So thankful for the social shares. We we always know that you put your hand up saying, I’m part of the movement. Just really awesome. And we would hope that you would share this episode, because I think it’s going to help a lot of people. Also, if you a courageous printed out come all the show notes, scripture references and any resources you mention are there, too. And if you subscribe to our mailing list you can there or just go to the front of courageousparenting.com and a pop up pop here you’ll get the date night one sheet, which is awesome.

And it really does mean a lot to us because I know Isaac was just mentioning that his heart goes out to the guys who have lost their jobs and different things like that. And you guys know that this ministry supports our family and the coaching and training that Isaac had done on the side that required traveling.

He’s no longer doing. Yes. Right. And so we are experiencing that in the same regard as other people, too.

And so I just wanted to put that out there, that it’s not just that we’ve experienced it in the past. We are currently experiencing that as well. The financial adjustments, if you will. And so we know what you’re going through. And as we’re praying for our family, we’re also praying for you guys. It’s very real and at the forefront of our minds.

You know, it’s been encouraging those there’s been some new donations coming in and some God just always advises just really interesting so we’re thankful. So let’s dive in. So the first thing we’ll talk about is the time we’re living in right now, actually. Yeah. So there’s as there’s signs of leading towards end times and we actually believe some people believe this differently. They believe, you know, we’re in an times and it’s leading up to Jesus coming back. And then some other people believe the end times are when Jesus comes back. And regardless of what you believe, actually, frankly, doesn’t matter. And that’s OK. That would people disagree on that. But what we’ve always understood is believed is that we are an end times since Jesus ascended to heaven. And when he and. And there’s birth pains and these things leading up to Jesus coming back.

And he says that he’ll come like a thief in the night. We’ve already we never know when there’s another passage of scripture in Matthew 24:27 that talks about how he’ll come as fast as lightning coming from the east to the west. That’s fast. you know.

And so I just think that there’s there’s this element of unknowing, which is one of the reasons why you guys know that our motto for courageous parenting is raising confident Christian kids for an uncertain world. Because the truth is, is there are some uncertainties, but we also do have some guidance in scripture.

And so we actually wanted to share a couple of those passages of scripture with you guys. Luke 21. I’m not going to read all of this chapter, but there is a verse in here that pertains to the topic of women who are pregnant, women who are nursing babies. And I just wanted to bring this up to you, because you might not know that the Bible’s actually speaking directly to you in regards to uncertain times to end times, actually. And I would encourage you to read the entire chapter.

And Luke twenty one, but Luke 21:23 says, But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days, for there will be great distress in the land and wrath upon this people.

And this is in regards to the destruction of Jerusalem, which obviously is something that has to happen before the coming of Jesus.

And so that’s not necessarily pertain to these exact times that we’re in right now. But this is a very interesting scripture talks. Jesus is talking about the second coming. There’ll be signs in the sun and the moon and the stars. If you’re interested in knowing Gurry, then you can go read Chapter 21 of Luke, but also in Matthew, Chapter 24. This is a really important passage of scripture also to be reading regarding end times.

It says, tell us when these things will be and what will be the sign of your coming Lord and the end of age.

You want to say hi, Solomon? Solomon just joined allowed.

Say hi. You’re on the podcast. It’s all right.

We’ve got to finish this. So can you shut the door right here?

You have an hour long, you get down, but you look like you got taken care of.

We had a special guest today. Thanks for joining us. We’ll see you later. See you later, buddy. Okay. Thanks for shutting the door. Well, there he goes. First time Solomon has been on the show.

That’s right. You guys, if you’re watching the YouTube channel, you just got to see our little four year old.

So Jesus is talking to the disciples about the signs that will come and the end of age. They’re asking him what those signs will be in Chapter 24. And Jesus answered and said to them, take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name saying I am the Christ and will deceive many. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled, for all these things must come to pass. But the end is not yet, for nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines and pestilence. Another translation says pandemic. Right? And earthquakes in various places. And all these are the beginning of sorrows.

Yeah. So, you know, this is as last. Scripture is good, though. I like it. And I would go reference it, guys. I wouldn’t read that. And your older kids? I would read that to them. I think it’s totally appropriate.

All scripture is appropriate when they’re, you know, a little bit older. And so but we’re in an interesting time. And I think we should reflect on that.

And we should not be stopping our lives trying to guess when things are happening.

That’s the point. And so I also think that it’s important that we show our kids that scripture does talk about end times because it can actually help us to not fear and not be shocked. That’s that’s actually the point is to go like for us. Yes, there is sadness. You guys, we’ve experienced we’ve been experiencing the coronavirus. We have a daughter that is struggling actually with infection in her lungs right now. You could be praying for her. She had lost her sense of smell and sense of taste. And so eating has been extremely hard to get her to eat the last four or five days. She’s had this for 11, 12 days now. And.

And so we are. And and I don’t I don’t say that to compare to like the severity. I know that there is way more severe issues out there.

She is going to be fine, which we’re really thankful for. But we do not have the perspective that this is a little thing now. And by no means would we want to portray that to you guys. What we do want to emphasize, though, is this understanding that because God’s word speaks to these days, because God’s word does tell us that these things are gonna happen. We shouldn’t be shocked. We should be like, oh, wow. So these things do actually have to happen in order for the end to come. So we shouldn’t be like, you know, trying to be against God’s will. This is actually God’s will. This has to happen in order for the second coming of Jesus Christ. And we have that perspective. We actually engage these situations very differently.

Yeah, not in fear, but in hope. Yeah. And when you are in in that hopeful mindset, you don’t make decisions in fear that alter the size of your family or alter, you know, what your family does or.

Yeah, exactly. And you know, and I I’ll just finish up. If you wanted you to read through this passage of scripture in verse 19, it says again, but woe to those who are pregnant and those who are nursing babies in those days. And so there’s this is just another one of those scriptures in addition to Luke, 21. And in the last podcast, we actually read about the labor pains and how it relates to end times as well.

And God uses these analogies, if you will, or concepts in scripture because he knows that we can relate to them. And so, moms, I just want to relate to you for a moment. Like God has a special message for us. He is relating to us in his word regarding these days. And I think that it’s really important that we keep our perspective right, that we are reaching out to God, that we keep our eyes on him, that we’re studying his word. And we’re gonna go through a list of suggestions to help you with trusting God during this time and not being overwhelmed with fear.

So the next thing we’re talking about is truly believe what God says, that kids are a blessing.

And if we actually believe that, it will change our actual actions. But a lot of times we think we believe things and then our actions show the opposite of that.

Right. So one thing that I often tell people is if we believe that God’s were God’s blessing is upon. Meaning they are a blessing, they are inheritance. That is not going to change based upon our circumstances or the world’s current state of being, if you will. Right. It’s a truth and a promise that’s in scripture and it’s unchanging. So if we believed yesterday that children were a blessing, then we should believe today that they are still the same blessing.

And some 120 some three says, behold, children are heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb as reward like arrows in the hand of a warrior. So are the children of one’s youth. So that’s really cool. And we should believe in God’s promises versus what the world wants to promise us, which is to be fearful. Worried, concerned and show, you know, challenge. And there are challenging times. But you know what I’ve noticed? I mean, we’ve experienced extreme challenge after having six kids.

Yeah, we had six kids. And then there was a period of five years where we were going through our Job years, you know, and we had lost almost everything.

Right? Everything. Financial, financial, business, failure, turmoil. And in that time, we had two more babies and we lost two babies. We had our first two miscarriage.

And these are our youngest two. So this is not too distant.

Yeah. History for an almost two. So, so many lies.

So when I look at Solomon and Eli, I see hope. That’s right. And because they were during our most challenging times, very, very, very challenging times. We were married 20 years so that the depth of challenge was right there.

Yeah, it was in year 15 was the beginning of that. Yeah, a few years.

And so I you know, for us, I can’t imagine having walked through those hard times without having the joy and blessing that they were. Yeah. And that they are they really brought our family closer together.

They were a promise from God of blessing to us. And our family was brought closer through both the trial, but also through the blessing of having them. And so I would just say and we were brought closer through the the hard trial of losing two babies as well. And so I think that, you know, in our last podcast, we talked about how quarantine reveals a lot of things. You know, in people, if you want to go listen to the last podcast that was on redeeming quarantine. But the truth is, is that in our hard times, that’s when what is really in our heart is revealed and you can’t hide it.

You’re either going to praise God and grow. And rise up. Are you gonna shrink back in fear and you’re going struggle? Yeah. And we have a choice in that. And it’s called faith.

One thing I’ve never done is looked exactly. And I don’t treat this as a math equation, as a as a husband. Like, okay, here’s what I make today and here’s what I might not make in the future because of uncertain times. And then go. So that dictates how many kids I can have. Now, provision is a serious thing. God says you need to provide, but he also says, I’ll help you.

Yeah. I mean, an all provision comes from him. All good things come from him. We even believe that about babies being a blessing, that he’s the one who creates them. Right. Yeah, he’s the one who has a plan for their life. And so.

So I remember when you were pregnant with Solomon and my business was facing that challenge. And we’re about to lose everything financially. And I definitely had those thoughts. I definitely had thoughts of like, how is this going to work out? And I was thinking in my flesh and in those things. And then I’ve been reading the word and I go, oh, God will provide.

I have no idea how that’s going to happen. It’ll have to be several miracles will have to happen for this to work out. But what a blessing. Solomon is. And I’m so excited for him. And I remember God fulfilling that promise. But he wants our faith. He wants our faith. He’s a jealous God. And until he has our our devotion, divine diversion, that goes and that’s point here, which is we should be aware of where we have idols before we go into that.

And we’re gonna go on to seven of God’s promises. And in a good math equation to really handle this and we’re feeling these things, a special word for the pregnant moms. We’ll dive into this in a second.

But first, the parenting mentor program has been something that so many families have been hit from. Here’s a few just mentioning their experiences. Let’s listen.

Steven, I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. what Angie and Isaac had done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children we have so many answers to the questions that have been in our minds.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

one of the best things that we’ve done this year one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more or no longer fearing dark days ahead.

But we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation.

Okay, so we’re talking about Idol worship now. A lot of times when the word idol comes up or pastor gives a sermon on Idol worship, we start distancing ourselves because, well, I don’t carve golden calves. I don’t have, you know, special animals carved in worship them and things like that. And I think we’re really missing the point if we relate it to that, because Idol worship, frankly, exists in most everybody. Then that’s why it was such a hard. It was such a difficult thing that God constantly reminded people about.

And really those things that were outward, things like a golden calf was really a symbol of the heart problem that was in people. And that’s what God was heartbroken and grieved over.

And he still grieves over that when we have idols in our own hearts. And I think that this you know, we talk again, we talked about this a lot, much more in depth in the last podcast.

But the truth is, is that it reveals a lot of things, whether it’s we have made an idol out of having control in our life. We’ve encouraged you guys to be more open to sharing the gospel because people who are lost, a lot of times it’s because they think that they don’t have a need for God because they are self-sufficient and they have control over their lives. And this whole thing with a global pandemic has revealed to people that they actually have less control than they think they do. And that’s a good thing for the prosperity of the gospel. If you if you get what I mean for furthering the message of Christ, because the reality is, is when people realize they don’t actually have control over their lives are much more open to hearing the gospel because they start questioning, oh, wow, I don’t control I I don’t have a promise of being alive tomorrow.

And you know, what’s amazing about this is that nothing has really changed. The truth is, is that none of us have a promise of life. Every day of life is a gift from the Lord. And we should look at it as if it was a gift from the Lord, Psalm 118.

Starting with five, I’m going to add scripture. This is so good. Five through eight. I called on the Lord in distress. The Lord answered me and set me in a barren place. The Lord is on my side.

I will not fear. What can a man do to me? The Lord is for me, among those who helped me. Therefore, I shall see my desire and those who hate me. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

So the real test come when the challenges come. And we may think we’re trusting God, but we’re idolizing our big savings account.

Right. And then that gets wiped out. Right. Or the the facade that I was just talking about, that we actually have some kind of control over whether we live or die tomorrow. Yeah, right. Like that. Our lives are actually in God’s hands in that regard. And that self-sufficiency, whether we have enough food, all those things, we have to do a heart check.

Yeah. God. And say search my heart. O Lord, is there any wayward way in me to have I made an idol out of these things?

And the truth is, is that if we’re discontent, if we are fear fearful, if we are stressed out about any of these things, what that actually reveals is it puts a big old spotlight on what that idol was. So if you’ve been struggling with fear and stress in these different things, like you literally have to go, okay, I have to be honest with myself. This reveals that I’ve made an idol out of this my life.

And I think that you said something super important at church. We did a zoom call and you shared no really profound statements. Good. What was it? Which was that we need to live like live as if we’re gonna see the Lord come back in our lifetime.

Oh, yeah. I’d rather be wrong about that and live that way because then the not lived that way. And you know, so it’s so important because we live differently when we believe Jesus coming back and we’re gonna see him come back and it’s gonna happen our lifetime. We totally do. And I think if you read in the New Testament, you’ll see a sense of urgency and desire and hope and excitement about seeing Jesus coming back in the apostles. Yeah. And I think that’s awesome. We need to be like Paul. We need to be like them and have the energy because otherwise we start to trust too much in the world and it changes how we live. Another thing is there’s a reason Paul said rejoice in all sufferings sometimes. Another reason that we are hesitant to have more kids is because we love our kids so much. We don’t want them to suffer, but and we don’t want to see that in more of our kids.

And I mean, it’s who would want their kids to suffer. Let’s just be honest. Like none of us would want that. No, but the truth. I am so glad you brought that scripture when we didn’t actually have it in on our list of scriptures.

But we do have to just share that, says Count of all Joy. This is James, chapter one. And my brethren cannot all joy when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces patients as patients a good thing. Yeah, we all should want patients, but let patients have it’s perfect work that you may be perfect and complete and lacking nothing. Yeah, lacking nothing. You guys, this isn’t a New Testament. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask. And faith with no doubting, for he who doubts is like the wave of the seed driven and tossed by the wind for Lent. Not that man. Suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double minded man and stable in all his ways, and this is a really important passage of scripture regarding that concept, that question that we pose in this podcast, which is should we stop having kids in uncertain times?

Right. Yeah.

I mean, every single person needs to read this particular piece of scripture. If anyone of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives to all liberals. But you have to seek without doubting. And as you seek the word of the Lord, you will find these same truths that God has revealed to us that children are always a blessing.

I think sometimes his parents can feel inadequate, too, about equipping their kids in and changing times in uncertain world. And that is exactly why Courageous Mom and Courageous Parenting exist, because we believe it’s important to teach parents. That’s why this podcast exists. That’s the whole vision. Is because things are changing how we were parenthood is not sufficient to what needs to happen today, even if you had great parents, Christian parents. It is a changing world. And while biblical truth remains the same, the approach in how we apply biblical truth needs to be more vigorous and more intentional and more purposeful. And we need to be teaching kids at the appropriate ages how the world works and ahead of time so that when they launch into it, there’s no surprises and they can lead. You can’t if you don’t understand the challenges, you don’t know how to lead through challenge.

And there there is like a whole sect of Christian people, too, who have sheltered themselves so much that they’re not even aware of what’s happening in the world.

I know that that’s true even in the homeschooling community, too, where they’re not actually able to equip their children for living in an uncertain world and being able to stand against the temptations of the day. And knowing what to believe about these different things that are potentially coming, like world vaccinations are different things. Right. Like we have to be aware and alert, but it takes courage to be able to look at those things and be bold with your kids. And actually, it takes courage because you’re probably going to have to stand apart from the majority of Christians that are even in your community.

And that’s why Resolute Man exists, because it’s to help men reject passivity and lead their families and lead unapologetically because it’s going to look there.

You’re going to be swayed by the world and feel like maybe the way you’re lead, you need to lead isn’t approved by the world sometimes and you need to lead anyways, lead unapologetically biblically. And so, men, we have to step up. We have to lead our families to protect our families. But protecting doesn’t always mean shrinking the size of our family because it was happening in the world.

So, Isaac, what would you say to the man whose wife is scared to have sex or to be intimate because she’s fearful of getting pregnant with all that’s going on with the coronavirus and potentially just the uncertainty of what the next season of the world.

But also, there’s that element like say her husband lost his job. And what are the thoughts that are going through his mind? You know, and this could even speak to a couple that is currently pregnant. And now maybe the man has anxiety that he’s not gonna be able to provide what he thought he was going to be able to provide for this child or the wife has anxiety and she’s going she would go return that stroller because we need the money.

And I have a couple there’s a lot of questions right there. So, they’re good, though. Yeah, I think that, you know, if you just lost your job, it is OK. And that’s her next point to wait for a time to have kids. But then you come back together and do that. And so there is some prudence in like you just lost your job. You may not try to get pregnant in the moment, but you may not try not to, too, because we’re trusting God. So there is some of that. But what I would say is you definitely need to trust God for provision versus yourself. And that is the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I am a capable person and I can go make money. And we live in in times where there’s good ways to provide and do things all kinds of ways. So I would say trust in God in the test of that is if you are basing your decisions on current income to have more kids, a lot of times that’s trusting in yourself and that control and you might even be idolizing you.

You know what you do or wanting to stay comfortable, you know, you dont want to break out of your comfort zone. And on the other side of it sometimes has nothing to do with that stuff. Sometimes the wife is concerned because of a lack of fathering, a lack of security in the marriage. And these kinds of things can happen to some men need to not be looking at other women. They need to be not looking at pornography.

They need to be walking rightly as believers who desire to be, you know, godly because they don’t want to let their God down. So that’s the the deep faith that men need to have and rise into for women to feel secure in their marriage, too. And if women are feeling scared about the world, that’s also a lack of spiritual leadership, perhaps.

And it’s a lack of the wife also pursuing her own faith, perhaps in reading the bible.

No, I totally agree with that. And I think that we all have to just be honest with ourselves and verbalising with our spouses. I mean, we’re majority of us are all kind of quarantined to a certain degree. We’re spending more time with our spouses and and we’re supposed to be one with one another. I need to remind you of that day. To be one is both in body, soul, mind and spirit. So if you have thoughts in your mind that your spouse doesn’t know about, you need to share those so that you can be one because he is there to hold you accountable, to lead you, to wash you in the word, to pray for you to be that best friend. That’s also going, hey, you know, I really think that we need to read this and to to lead you back to the right kind of thinking. And to be honest, you’re that for him in this case, too. He’s not gonna be going out necessarily meeting with mentors when you’re in quarantine. Right. And so you need to be one.

Right. And that is not just a physical thing. Yeah. Is my point. And you actually have a scripture that was going to idea their questions.

I do.

I thought keep them in line a friend of mine recently ask, hey, are you guys just going to keep trying to have kids? And I said, get that question, all that. I said, I’ve never tried to have kids. I originally wasn’t a kid person. So why would I try to do that?

Of all that changes, your heart is over.

But honestly, I don’t know that I can’t remember ever trying to have kids, but we just never tried not to have kids.

I mean, there were a true. Truthfully, I looked back and immediately I go back to when we were trying to have Austin.

We thought something was wrong with me, of course. No, no. We thought something was wrong. Me. And so anyway, there.

Yeah. There have been times that we thought there was a three year spread where we didn’t. Yeah. Three might not do. And we’re like well I guess we’re having one kid. Yeah. It was okay.

So right here First Corinthians Corinthians 7 5 do not deprive one another except with consent for a time consent amongst the married couple. Right. That you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a session, not as a commandment.

So just you guys know this is First Corinthians, Chapter 7. Just before that, it’s actually talking about intimacy and how the wife of the body is a wife’s body is not her own, but her husband’s and vice versa. We should not deprive each other. Yeah. So it’s live. This is literally scripture talking about intimacy in regards to marriage. And so this is this is Paul exhorting us in saying. Do not deprive one another except with consent, meaning you both consented for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and then come together again. And so that is like a specific amount of time. And you’re gonna be praying, you’re gonna be fasting and then you come back together. This in no way is saying, hey, based upon the circumstances that you’re currently in, don’t have kids. Right? The Bible doesn’t say that. Right? Actually, what it’s saying is the only time that it’s okay is in this kind of context.

Now there are health issues. Men you should be loving to your wives. And if there’s health situates serious, serious health situations, you should be considering them.

Right. And I think that that is also talking on that can reveal a lot of idols as well. Like, are you making little things blown up into a bigger thing than they really are? Because because you want to justify the fear of actually having more kids.

What’s the real reason?

Sometimes we say that it’s this is when reality.

It’s less than other things that I hear says it’s a secret fear inside of something else. But you’re looking righteous by, you know, protecting your wife when really that maybe there isn’t as serious of an issue there as you might be making it in. And she’s had many, many serious very issues. And we trusted the Lord and move forward. And that’s our journey. You have to walk your own journey and you have to be in the words. So you know what the spirit’s telling you about all this.

And you have to be willing to be really honest about your fears and verbalizing them and not hiding them. I think that a lot of times. So there’s there’s there’s two different planes, actually, in Christianity. Right. There are those people who don’t want to verbalize things because they don’t want to give that thing power or the enemy power. I’ve heard that said.

And while I am biblically, I believe that we should never borrow troubles. Right. So that would be meditating and focusing on things that have not yet happened, worrying about things that have not yet happened. That’s borrowing troubles. That is biblical. That concept of like not giving power to a thing by verbalizing it.

I actually think that the enemy can deceive Christians there by. Convincing them not to speak of things, not to bring things into the light, actually by that belief. I actually think that’s wrong. The Bible actually says to make things known, to bring sins into the light, to expose fears so that there can be one held, there can be accountability to you, can you’re when you speak. You can give it to the Lord in prayer, like the spoken prayers and crying out to God and saying, this is something I feared. Take this from me. Then there’s freedom and release because you have given it to God. Hiding things is unspoken. That’s that’s what hiding things is. And so I think that if we look at what the Bible actually says, even in Genesis with the Garden of Eden and the fact that Adam and Eve were hiding their sin, they literally physically head. I think that we have so many warnings throughout scripture about what not to do and what will cause freedom is bringing things into the light. And so I would just encourage you to speak and verbalize and give those to God, but also tell your husband, husbands. Tell your wives. Share with a friend. Get accountability. Get prayer. Because the reality is we need to be honest about what were our struggles are in.

Our final point is to trust God. And we’re going to go over promises God made because we should meditate on these things. We should know these things. And this is a good equation to right to to think about.

And so, first of all, we have Isaiah 41 10. The first promise. Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed from your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. That is so powerful when you think that.

Well, it’s interesting that you’re bringing up Isaiah 40:1, because in the same scripture, God is also encouraging those who are with young and and saying that he will be gentle with those who are with young.

And here we are talking to moms who have little babies, who are thinking about having babies who are pregnant, about to have little babies.

And so this particular chapter in Isaiah can be a huge encouragement to you, buddy. But but even if you have not had a child yet and you’re considering. Or you are pregnant.

Fear not, for I am with you. Can I just say that things are up in the air for pregnant women? Right. Like they don’t know if they’re having homebirth or they’re having hospital birth. Maybe they had a birth plan.

And those those plans might be up in the air. Can I just say take them back from the air.

They shouldn’t be up in the air and instead hold them open handed before God asking for his will to be done. And don’t have fear about it. It says, for I am with you, God will be with you. Whether you have a homebirth, got to be with you if you go to hospital. God is with you, period. He is with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God, and I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

And I I so many times I hear from women who has and this is especially right now in the last month, especially with the postpartum cause, we’ve we’ve got almost a thousand women who’ve been going through that.

And I have been constantly hearing from them going, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do.

Can you please pray for me? I can’t have an attendant at my birth anymore or people who are in California who can’t. Some of them can’t have their husbands even at their birth. People who are had pre premature concerns who are like, should I just schedule as a Syrian or not?

There’s all all of these like triggers are happening right now. And first of all, I’m praying for you. And I just want to encourage you. That God is the same God today that he was yesterday when you didn’t have fear.

And you need to cling to him.

Sometimes, too, it’s like people are overwhelmed. Maybe haven’t been home schooling and other kids or home or home schooling them. There’s a lot of new. Sometimes when there’s new things happening, and new responsibilities. We can’t imagine adding another person to the equation. Yeah. And that’s just based on where God has you right now. But do you want a growing capacity? Do you want God to use you in bigger ways? Well, then that’s like saying, hey, I welcome your blessing, by the way. That’s why we’re coming out with the homeschool course. If you want info about that, it’s not yet for sale, but there’s info in the show, notes at CourageousParenting.com.

Yeah. So that I think could be very equipping for people. But I I do think that there’s this we need to be honest about the fact that God created us as beings that have both physical, spiritual, emotional, mental and hearts. Right. And and holistically, we’ll view those. Right. That’s what God’s word says. Love the Lord, your God with your whole. Heart, mind, soul and strength, strength being your physical strength, right?

And I think that we underestimate that in regards to how that impacts fear. Mm hmm. OK.

And the reason why I’m bringing this up is because we as a people of God, need to remember that God doesn’t want us to be reacting in fear, in our mind or in our heart or in our spirit, like we are all these things.

And we need to actually evaluate all those aspects of ourselves, meaning take our thoughts. Captive. We’ve talked about that many times. We need to verbalize it, pray to God, give it to him. We need to meditate on his promises.

Find those.

Here’s another one that’s in the New Testament in Romans eight twenty eight that says and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purposes.

And it just continues on. That whole chapter is very encouraging. We already read James one to you that talks about the whole purpose behind, you know, when you’re walking through trials and rejoicing in your suffering because it’s creating patience and perseverance. And I know that in Romans 5, it also talks about creating character and and perseverance and hope. There are good things that come out of hard things. Growth happens in those hard times. If you engage, it doesn’t always happen. I’ve known people who struggled right through trials and then they haven’t grown. You know, you actually have to make the choice to grow and to read, to partner with Christ in redeeming this hard thing you’re walking through. You have to be introspective and go, God, where are you teaching me in this? Do you have a lesson for me? Are you trying to humble me? What is it? You have to have that heart attitude in order to actually have the growth on the other side.

And we don’t want to be focusing on ourselves. No, focusing on ourselves is the opposite of focusing on God. And the more you focus on yourself, the more anxieties and fear come into picture and especially of the unknown.

Yeah, because we’re not perfect. We’re flawed. And so we tend to think about that and we think about what we’re capable of. But instead, we should be thinking of what is God capable of through us and through our kids and our future kids.

Like, that’s the thing in my post I just said, you know, when I look at our kids, I have hope because I believe that God created them for this generation for a purpose and purpose. Yes. And so if we withhold that. Where is the world going to be like in ours? In our fear if we make decisions to not have kids. How is that potentially going to impact their generation?

And we’ve wrestled with this. We’ve had times where and she’s like, I don’t know if I can do this again. I’ve had times where I’m like, wow. Does this even make sense? Because I have a half million in debt following me and no income coming in? Yeah. There were those big business failure. You know, these were the health challenges and these things. And we had to pray through it.

We had to have a fear of me potentially dying. You know, guys like I or just even just being depleted. But now we can’t imagine not having one of these eight incredible kids. Like, which one would you choose to not have?

It’s just incredible. In Philippians. Is is super encouraging. Philippians 4:6-9. Be anxious for nothing.

It doesn’t say be anxious for almost nothing except this.

One little thing we think is relevant and super important says be anxious for nothing but in everything. I lived opposite year by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving. So we need to be praying and we now have a heart of Thanksgiving. Let your requests be known to God. Sometimes we go, Is God even listening to me? I pray. And I dont see it. Well, you. Here’s all your prayers. But he loves you so much that he is going to act in what is best long term for you and everybody else around to make him known. And so if we’re not asking in Thanksgiving, if we’re not praying and if we’re asking with an anxious heart, that’s kind of the opposite of what he’s commanding here. So we need to be anxious for nothing but in everything, prayer, supplication with Thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. That’s how would you pray? And that’s how I would ask ask God for things in the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

So if you don’t have peace, maybe we’re not asking correctly, and maybe we’re not meditating enough on the only truth which is found in the Bible. Maybe we’re allowing other things to be the thing that we’re meditating and focusing on. The whole point is quit focusing on ourselves, quit focusing on the fear of the unknown and look up and look to him, which you know. So I know that this is our last point is talking about trusting God. One of the ways that you can do that best is to have worship music playing in your homes all the time. I know that I have multiple Spotify playlists and I just kind of rotate them to help keep us focused on the Lord to help keep our attitudes right. Another thing, like you said, is to pray. Another thing is to praise God with Thanksgiving. Start focusing on the things that you can be thankful for. Make a thankful board if you need to. But meditate on the truth. On the promises. And when trials come, do you draw near to God or do you blame him? Like we need to ask these hard questions of ourselves. Right. And so just before we wrap up there, I’ve been thinking about the pregnant moms that are out there. Right, that are struggling because their plans are getting thrown and tossed around.

And there’s actually something I want to share with you guys. That is I’m just going to read a little portion of my book, Redeeming Childbirth to you right now, because hopefully this will be an encouragement in regards to fear. This is on the chapter that covers fear, circumstances, fear of people, the importance of fearing God. It’s called the lies and Fears that bind us. Is the chapter in redeeming childbirth page ninety seven if you have my book. But you guys, I can’t encourage you enough to go back and read this particular chapter because as we’re walking through this, even not being pregnant, I’m super encouraged. There are lots of scripture in here. For example, Proverbs 1:33 says Whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease without fear of harm. That’s Proverbs 1:33 and then live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the Brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the Emperor first. Peter 2:16. Fear the law. The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it resist rests satisfied. He will not be visited by harm. Proverbs 19:23. These are all things that we need to be meditating on you guys. But it says here I was just reminded.

I was at a birth a few weeks ago, and I’m always reminded of what my own births were like whenever I’m at a birth.

And one of the things that was so on my mind was how. Being walking through the times, these uncertain times, there is a potential for women to fear about the unknown circumstances surrounding their pregnancy and birth and to make decisions based upon those fears vs. trusting in God and continuing on with the path that he had for them based upon. Now, I’m not saying that you don’t adjust some things right. Like, for example, we have this virus that’s highly viral. And so is it wise to have a baby at the hospital? Well, I I don’t I’m not going to give you the answer to that. Okay. I think that that’s something that every couple needs to pray about. Every couple needs to seek the Lord on. We don’t want to make a decision based on fear of getting the virus and not going the hospital. That was our plan. But we also don’t want to be foolish and expose ourselves to things either.

And so you have to weigh out both of those and come to a conclusion. And you know it if you just like James, one says if you seek him and you pray with all faith, he will give you the wisdom that you need to make a decision that you can be confident in where you don’t have fear anymore. But it says here that women oftentimes don’t realize this, but their fear and their stress can actually prolong labor. And I’m bringing this up because this is an important point in today’s society where a lot of women do have a lot of fear and stress right now.

You need to relinquish that to the Lord for the sake of having a calm, quick birth.

Now, not all of your births are always determined based upon just fear and stress. Like the amount of time that it takes is not does not equate to just that. OK. However, it has been proven that when women have fears and when they have stresses upon them that they are not dealing with it can bind them up and prolong their labor. And I think that there is a lot of fear that is surrounding birth right now. Our culture is not helping that situation. The Western cultures method of treating pregnancy and birth further exasperates the potential fears. This message it sent is that birth is an ailment or a disease to be treated in the hospital, one with great pain and suffering. Therefore, we should do our best to eliminate as much pain as possible. But as my book, I’m just reading out of my book where most of our culture believes that the lie that women cannot birth their babies safely unless they are in the hospital under the supervision of a medical professional, decisions regarding birth are then usually made based upon those fears. Information perceived through media, culture and friends are education taught by professionals who hold to the belief that keeping medical control over the birth is better. Some even to say not to have a baby and baby in a hospital is irresponsible. These convictions that our culture teaches in the medical field stems from a deeper, misguided belief that our bodies and our minds are not connected. And in mainstream media, most doctors either treat mental illness, which is psychiatrist or physical illness, which is positions the majority. Not all are not raised with a holistic viewpoint that all aspects of our bodies are connected. We as Christian women need to recognize that we have been deceived. We have not been raised in a culture that views birth as a natural normal life experience.

Ok, and I’m bringing this up because there may be lies that you are believing about pregnancy, about birth that you need to bring into the light and you need to take them to God. Birth is a normal aspect of life. It is not an emergency. Sometimes emergencies happen in birth. But they are not an emergency. So let’s have the peace of knowing that God made our bodies to do this. Let’s trust him. Let’s trust him with that with our kids. Our kids are not ours. A lot of times our fear can actually reveal that we think that our kids are ours when they’re actually God’s. And they’re they’re a blessing to us, but they’re his. So when we’re making these decisions, we got to pull ourselves out of the equation.

We need to pull our circumstances out of the equation. We need to pull our fears out of the equation. And we need to just believe what God’s word says.

And we do believe God has a unique plan for each family.

Each family has a different size, different number of kids. And we’re not saying people need to be just like us or anything like that. You need to be just how God wants you to be.

That’s right. So we’re praying for you guys to not make decisions based upon fear, fear of circumstances, but to be walking strong in the Lord and in his might to be seeking him so he can give you the wisdom in this decision. But to be wise and biblical in how you approach that.

So let’s walk in the spirit. Let’s not walk in the flesh as we make decisions. See you next time.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you and your spouse to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

It’s an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes. Most Christians are making more than that. It’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group live Webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send weekly encouragements straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentorship program, Secure Your Spot now at CourageousParenting.com

That’s CourageousParenting.com.

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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