Take Few Opinions, But Do Take The Right Few – Part Two

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Episode Summary

We live in a noisy world with too many people trying to influence us with their advice. That’s why it’s more important than ever to be careful about who we glean wisdom from. Often foolishness is disguised as wisdom, and we need to know how to detect it quickly. If you don’t know how to do this well, you won’t model or teach it to your kids. This is perhaps one of the most important things they learn from you.

It is important to seek out wisdom, we are reminded to do so many times in the word of God.

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

Proverbs 3:13 – “Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding;”

Proverbs 1:7 – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

While it is vital to be seeking out wisdom it is just as important to make sure that it is biblical sound wisdom, many times you will receive advice from someone and it will be presented to you as wisdom but in reality, it is not biblically sound and may influence you to work against God’s will for your life. In order to determine what is truly sound wisdom from God and what is worldly wisdom you must be praying fervently, reading the word of God, and seeking wise counsel. Take few opinions, but make sure you take the right few.

In This Episode We Cover:

  1. Who You Should Take Advice From
  2. The Mistakes People Make
  3. Differentiating Between Advice & Having A Mentor

Key Points:

  • How to choose a mentor
  • Beware of Foolishness Disguised as Wisdom
  • Virtual Mentors

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Scripture In This Episode:

Proverbs 12:15 –The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But he who heeds counsel is wise.”

Matthew 6:24-27 –No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”

Proverbs 14:15 –The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps.”

Matthew 7:24 –Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock:”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom. And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married 20 years, and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically based on the raw truth found in the Bible. We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

OK, you guys ready for part two? Here we go. Take few opinions, but do take the right few.

Ok, so you guys we’re super excited to dive in. We covered the first three ish points. Yes. In this episode. In the last podcast. So if you haven’t listened to that one, we really want to encourage you to go back and listen to it, because we covered a few things.

Yeah. So no one that we covered was who to take advice from. Everybody wants to give advice today, but we should only take a few of the right opinions, actually.

That’s right. So we actually had like, oh my goodness, there was probably eight. No, 10. There’s ten little mini points underneath that one that are good tests that you can do to see if you’re choosing the right person to get advice from. So I don’t know who who to get advice from. You’ve got to go back and listen to that podcast so that you can know what tests and what’s the second one.

The second one is mistakes people make there is quite a few of those, some you might not just naturally think of. And the third one is differentiate between advice and having a mentor. There’s a really big difference. Both are good. And the reason this is so important is because if you don’t model it, you can’t teach it.

That’s right. And we are totally living in crazy times. Yeah. Uncertain times. And the the podcast to podcasts a go. We talked about critical thinking in uncertain times. And this is about decision making, finding wisdom, being able to discern between what is true and not true. Right. That was part of the critical thinking. And.

And now how does that the conclusions that you’ve come to, in addition to the wisdom that you’re seeking and God help you to make the decisions that you need to make in today’s uncertain world?

Absolutely. And so thanks for joining us. We’re going to dive into the next three in a second. But first, just we’re always just in awe of what God is doing with the ministry. All the shares, the comments we read, everyone on social media, we read every one on itunes, wherever you guys post them and it helps to get the message out. Again, this isn’t for our ego. In fact, we didn’t even, like, conjure up the idea to do this. Now, God put this in our steps in our plan and said, you guys need to go do this and close some other doors that we thought were fantastic things. But he said, nope, I’m going to have you guys do this together. And I know you’ve been blogging forever, but doing it together encourages parenting. That’s been a fun journey over the last couple of years. So. But you have something to share.

Before we let you guys know how much I love my resources. And so I am super excited to share with you guys about a nether Christian company that has created some awesome resources for parents littles. If you guys are watching our YouTube channel, you can see what I’m talking about. I’m just going to share with you guys. We are taking these with us on our RV trip in this box because look at that. It’s awesome flashcards right here. And these ones are called this from Tiny Theologians. Do you love that name? It’s pretty great.

Hands on the packaging is so good.

And the cards are such quality, ya they are like kind of laminated, but not in a cheesy kind of way. They’re really quality. And so, like, they have tons of different types of cards they have.

And ABC is of Gods attributes, which I’ll just show you guys. If you’re looking at the website, you can see that it has a different kind of look than other cards that I was just holding up. They have the Lord’s Prayer cards, which help you to teach your kids the Lord’s Prayer. And it’s pretty awesome. On one side, it’ll say our father. And then the next card will say in heaven. And they’ll literally have descriptions about what to think about.

And then prayer recommendations to teach your kids how to pray and focused on the father had to pray and focus on heaven.

As you’re leading your family spiritually. This is a great aid and a great help, especially when you’re busy and so forth. And by the way, we don’t get anything for promoting this. This isn’t a paid commercial or anything.

We just know that, I mean, they definitely did collaborate with us and gifting us some of their flashcards to check them out. And we really like them. And we asked them if we could get a discount code for you guys. So if you’re interested in it, if you use theology 20, you’ll get 20 percent off your entire order at TinyTheologians.com. And you guys, I have like five of the sets of flashcards, but they actually have like eight different kinds. So you’ve got to go check them out.

Hey, speaking of wisdom, I wanna share a quick story. Then we’ll dive into the first point, which is one of the things we feel is important to do is to get out, get our family outside of our normal rhythms and environment long enough to really experience to have signature experiences at which we’ve talked about previous five. And one of the ways we do that and we’re getting ready to do that is every summer as of last couple years is where we do an RV trip or some kind of getaway and we go long enough. And I know everybody has different situations, but there’s been a dream took us it almost 10 years to start doing it.

And I got some you know, how they have those all share memories that come our Facebook news feed. We bought this RV eleven years ago because we’ve used it a ton over the years. Obviously having a lot of little kids, we can’t do two hotel rooms. So we really praise God that we were able to get that when we did. But we would do vacations during summer just. It wasn’t until, like two years ago that we did our big three month RV trip.

So now our God is orchestrate our life to have some freedom of how we work. We keep working. But, yeah, to be flexible and go do that. And so we’ve, you know, taken the kids to New York City and walked through the city and taking the ferry and just to experience all different kinds of people. Yeah.

And and I will tell you, we’re going to talk about stereotypes later in the podcast. Yeah, but that was something that taught me a lesson because I always thought that New York was super dangerous and when we were there. People were so friendly. It was amazing. So I know that there’s a lot of things going on everywhere in the world right now, and it’s different in 2020. But it was really good. It was a good experience for all of us.

So we’re getting ready, even though things are a little crazy out there right now. You can be praying for us. We are going to do a one four to five week trip and we’re going to every time he talks about it, you guys, he adds a week.

All right, let’s dive in. So what’s the.

Now, we talked a little bit about this point last time we were recap a couple things. We added new stuff with point four was how to choose a mentor. You want to recap a couple of things?

Yes. So, you guys, we covered the importance of having good practices. A good well, you can call them good practices of choosing a mentor.

Like praying. OK. That is like a given thing that obviously we’re going to take every request to the Lord and you want to be praying to God, asking him to reveal to you who you should ask, who would be a good mentor for you. Right. But also be praying for God’s timing and be praying for humility for both your mentor and for you. I mean, the thing that I was just thinking about, I was looking through some of my old blog post because I’ve written on this a lot, spoken on a lot over the years. And we’ll put the links to those blog posts in there because there’s about seven or eight on Titus to mentoring and different things like that. And those are free for you guys to to look through. But one of the things that hit me is that it takes humility to be both a mentee and a mentor. Right. So obviously, you’re not going to go out and look for a mentor. You’re going to look to for anyone to choose if you have an unteachable heart. If you have pride. Yeah. Right. So if you have never had a mentor before. I would just like to ask you, is it because because of pride or is it because you just haven’t been able to get one? Because I know many people out there have been praying for a mentor or looking for a mentor for many years.

Actually, I have friends that have been looking for a decade, and I’ve never actually had someone that they met with on a regular basis to go through the word of God together, to go through a book together, to actually dig in deeper in your relationship. And I would just encourage you guys to not give up because and to be brave. Can I say don’t give up. Be brave. Pray for courage. Pray for humility for you and for the person that you’re gonna be asking to mentor. And the reason I say that is because you may get some no’s, right, Isaac? You get you may ask and somebody might not have enough time. And this is really, really important to to realize to to be able to put yourself out of your experience and suspend that long enough so that you can put your try. Just try to put yourself in their shoes in their season of life and open your eyes and go, oh, yeah ok they have five teenagers maybe they don’t have time. And even though it may sound like they’re, you know, maybe have little kids, because our recommendation is to net like to always look for a mentor that’s at least a decade ahead of you in season of life, not age, because age does not qualify spiritual maturity or wisdom.

But to look for someone who is in a season of life ahead of you, where you can see through in their kids, you can see fruit in their marriage. And that’s that’s what you want to do. Right. Those are just some of the things that we covered in the last podcast. But you guys, it is crucial that you asked yourself the hard question. Do I have a teachable heart? Because otherwise, even if you are, say, seeking a mentor, because it’s the thing to do in the Christian church. And there’s a mentoring program at your church and your friends are signing up for it, you’re like, oh, yeah, I should have a mentor. If you don’t have a hungry thirsting teachable heart attitude, your time with your mentor is actually not going to be as productive. And so it’s really important that you seek the Lord, that you are asking him to help you to have a teachable heart and to to really be looking around, to have your eyes opened, right? Yeah. The other thing that’s super important. Is fasting. Yeah. Which a lot of people don’t really talk about that.

It’s important to get clear and get clear minded and to hear from God and in a different way. And it’s it’s just amazing how much more focused you become on him more often during the day and reliant on him. And it’s really, really a good thing.

One thing about fasting, as you’re talking, you said it to have clarity. I think that that is really important regarding who you’re choosing as a mentor because you want to evaluate, like, are you going after. Here’s one of the mistakes people make that we talked about in the last one. Don’t go after those in the cool club necessarily. Right? Like cool club versus realness. Like you want a mentor that’s going to get transparent, real share the things that they struggled with so that you can potentially avoid the mistakes that they’ve made. Right. And someone who is willing to be honest about things they struggle with so that they can relate to you and help you and guide you through those seasons. So it’s really important to have clarity because you don’t. You don’t. You might not want the person that you’re thinking you want.

Absolutely. I love the scripture in Proverbs 14:15 says the simple believes every word, but the prudent considers, well, his steps. A wise man fears and departs from evil, but a fool rages in his self-confident. Are we in a world where self-confidence is praised? Now there is there is an element of self-confidence that is good but overconfidence turns into pride, and a lot of times the breakdown in choosing a mentor is your pride. Because we look for things that aren’t the right things to look for and we’re looking for. Oh, who has the car that I want to have someday or. Yeah. Who’s been super successful. You know, and these these kinds of things. Who has the look of a life that I want the house, the, the car, the, the way the family looks. But you don’t really know. And so you have to really what you should be looking for is more spiritual things. Right. What are the spiritual elements and the you know.

Yeah, definitely spiritual fruit, but also like what is their life like? Are they disciplined? Yeah. Right.

Because some people can actually they can make an they can become idle in their life, in their jurisdictions that God’s put before them all in the name of growing spiritually. All right. I’ve seen this happen. And then they keep focusing on reading man’s words and growing so much so. And they’re growing and growing and growing. But they’re not actually doing work. They’re not actually taking time to take care of the things that God has put in front of them. And then years passed by. And their relationships with their kids, maybe even their husband. They look at them and they’re like, I don’t even know you. Or there’s no depth to those relationships because they’ve been so focused on themselves and their growth per say. And the truth is, is if their growth was focused more on man’s words and versus God’s words, they’re going potentially led astray. So you seem to be really wise about that. Be humble. The third thing is looking around to see who God has put in your life. This is superimportant here. Im just going to list some off. What about your mother? Your mother in law, grandma, cousin, aunt, neighbor, someone in the family of God like you go to a church.

Is there an older lady in the church? Yeah. Maybe it’s someone that you worked with that has a strong relationship with the Lord. There are many ways that God has placed people in your life for a reason. And it’s really important that we understand that God chose a design for his body, for his family. OK. Yeah, he’s got he. He calls us a body with many members and we all have different gifts right. And but then there’s also the element of we are a family where the family of God and within family God, there’s brothers and sisters. Right. And God is our father in heaven and the church is the bride. Right. But we’re brothers and sisters and some of us are big sisters. And some of us are little sisters and big brothers and little brothers. And the reality is, is God’s design for his people to be learning is by studying the word. Experiencing his presence and having communion and communication with him. Right, which through many avenues, worship prayer, reading the word. But then also he calls us in Titus two. He calls the older man to teach the younger men and older women to teach the younger one. And that is God’s design for learning within the family of God.

So well put. So you have to look for these three things.

You have to look for somebody that has real humility. The opposite of pride. Are they pointing you to Jesus or are they pointing you to themselves? That’s a key question. And when you’re around them, how much do they talk about themselves versus asking good questions and bring up scripture and give you good wisdom?

Here’s another example of someone who might be pointing you to Jesus versus pointing to themselves. If when you are, let’s say you are meeting with someone and you bring up a current problem, then you’re trying to figure out wisdom for. Right. And you bring it up and it’s okay if they go. Well, hey, you know what?

I actually have experience in a similar and I can share with you what I did do relating to, you know, relating to it.

But if that’s where it ends and their wisdom is like, oh, and I did this and it worked out great. Right.

Doesn’t that’s going to help you? It doesn’t mean it’s going to work out for you. If you guys listen to our previous podcast, we talk about how advice is not cookie cutter. It’s not one size fits all.

So they need to take it to the word of God. Back after that and say, hey, but let’s look at the word of God and let’s pray together. Because sometimes the best mentor doesn’t give you all the answers, because you know what?

Nobody has all the answers if they’re always trying to solve everything. You might question that instead. They should be. Yeah, relying on their experiences sometimes, but more so than even that is relying on the Bible and prayer and listening to the spirit of God and why.

Yes, I know it is also interesting about someone is going to point to Jesus versus point to the word when you guys meet. If it’s one of these things where you meet together and it’s you’ve got a list of questions that you want them to answer and you want them to just give you the answers. Right. Verses, meeting together to grow spiritually in your knowledge of Jesus and the word in the Bible and what you know the way is. Right. And if you are if you’re being mentored by someone who’s truly wanting to disciple you to Jesus and not disciple you to themselves, they’re going to be spending time with you in the actual word of God. Yeah. And that that is super important. They’re also going to take time to get to know you only one instead of just assuming that they know you because you’re like 20 years younger than them. All right. And just sayin things that maybe are wrong. Yeah. A good mentor is gonna take time to get to know who you are and where you are in your spiritual journey.

So the first one of the three was humility. And the second one is, do they really have a desire to invest? Do they actually see that as part of their Titus Two mandate by God? Because if they don’t, they might not stay the course with you. And so you want to get a sense for if they have a desire for that.

And it’s pretty obvious sometimes in the third one is do they have a sense of service about them?

And sometimes people are servant hearted, but they just don’t have time. They’re busy. It’s a long season of life for them. And sometimes they have a servant heart and they do have that time. And that’s more the ideal situation.

Right. And I think it’s important that we have grace with one another because there are definitely seasons that are not ideal for that. Right.

And and in addition, in order to be able to have that grace and not be bummed out and then discouraged to not ask someone else, you’ve got to put yourself in their shoes and go, hey. And I think the best expect virtue and one another.

So how do we make it easy in the beginning, Angie, so that it’s not too much of a commitment on either side? Yeah. So you could even see if this is really a deep relationship thats going to work that way

We’ll I actually talk about this and the blog posts on Courageous Mom, where you’re actually lane out expectations the first time you meet. And it’s really important that when you meet with somebody for the first time. So let’s say I want to ask Susie if she’s gonna be if she would like to mentor me or she’d be open to it. One of the important things to realize is that you and her both need to be good at communication. And people are not often familiar with how to mentor someone. Actually, the majority of Titus Two women out there that feel like they’re not qualified. And they’re they wouldn’t they don’t think that women want to hear from them. I’m just being honest with you guys. I have run mentoring programs, and this was the biggest hurdle that we had to get across. There are two hurdles. One, they felt like they weren’t qualified. No one wanted to meet with them. And two, they didn’t actually know how to disciple someone or take someone through the Bible. And so first thing that you need to do is talk about expectations. And you could easily say, hey, I really appreciate you meeting with me. It means a lot to me. Just so you know, my intentions.

I would love to have a deeper friendship, one with someone who’s older than me that can speak into my life, that I can run things by, but I can also grow in a biblical friendship with. I’m looking for a Titus to woman in my life and go, hey, I know maybe we don’t know each other, or maybe we’ve known each other kind of a little bit. You don’t have to decide now. I just ask you to pray about it and then maybe next time we get together, if you could come with what your expectations of me are and just, you know, like I’m open to going through a book together or reading the Bible together.

I would love to meet once a week or you could say I would love to meet every other week or once a month. The point is to lay out your expectations. Try to pick a time and date that’s going to work for both of you. But then also, here’s the catcher. You go, hey, how about we revisit it in two months or in three months and reevaluate and see if we want to continue or not? No pressure. It’s just one of those things because seasons of life change for for everybody.

I understand that. And when you start out a relationship that way, there is freedom for both to not feel this pressure or obligation where it feels like you’re checking off the box.

Also, you won’t be hesitant to take a stab at it with somebody. Yeah. Because it’s OK if it ends. And that’s totally fine. And so that’s really good. I was just as you were talking I was thinking about we were newly married and I asked Jim to mentor me. And it started out very, you know, like you’re talking about. And then it grew into something we both just cherish time together. You know, I remember seasons where we will go golfing at six in the morning once a week and do nine holes. You had to work last summer. And I remember many other times where we’d have lunch together or breakfast. I remember your breakfast, but every week, you know, for good period of time. And then there was a period of time when it went to every other week. And then, you know, I was about 12 years. And then I was we moved and things changed. But that was an amazing time.

And what I really appreciate about him is that I knew that he really loved me. Now that we grew into that love for each other. Right.

And he was that Christian father that was so integral to that’s already gone down the road. His kids were already mostly grown out of the house. And he had mistakes. He learned from and then he had things he did. Well, that is one of the character qualities that he had.

That was so admirable was his humility. No. I mean, they there when when I started meeting with Annie, his wife, which was about four years before you started meeting with well, maybe two years in. And then we continued for a little bit longer. She her youngest of five, was like graduating high school and then going into college. Yeah. And we were in our 20s. Right. And we. Well, I was pregnant Austin when I started meeting with her, I remember going to her house and Kelsey was super little. And we would walk around the neighborhood and then we’d sit at her house. And she always had a couple treats and a little basket of toys, which if you’re an older woman and you’re thinking of being a Titus Two mentor, like, oh, I need you step into this role. This is my calling. These are some good tips, actually, that you can go on walks with someone. I had another mentor. There was a pastor’s wife, Shawn, right at a different church later on. And we would go walking and take Kelsey on hikes in Portland. And so and she’d come over and do crafts with the kids and just and then we would talk after I put him down for a nap. And so it was a blessing that they were able both of those women were able to be flexible with me for the season life I was in and schedule around the time that was going gonna be good, where the kids could either be napping or were, you know. And so there there are many different tips on that kind of stuff, you guys.

But I just want to encourage you that for us, having mentors in our life has literally helped us become part of who we are. And it’s part of why we’re so passionate about this ministry. Oh, yeah. Is we’re now almost 21 years.

Married, couple months, we’re going to celebrate between for his anniversary. Amazing!

And so you guys, we get that there are things that we know now that we didn’t know because of experience. And we want to share those with you, whether it’s our mistakes or things God’s taught us for your benefit, for your edification, because that’s how we benefited. Yeah, it was people being honest with us.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already, is the date night one sheet is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family, no matter what time of year. It’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, at CourageousParenting.com. And I also just want to share Rick quick about the parenting mentor programs. So many families are being transformed by going through this is the six week self-paced program with wive engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it. You can find out more at courageousparenting.com.

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It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is. Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it. One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more we are no longer fearing dark days ahead.

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Now, you guys, so we talked about praying, fasting, looking around, judging the fruit and somebodies life, asking them someone that’s in a decade, a season ahead of you. Humility, desire, service. These are all things you need to consider in choosing a mentor. But there are some bad practices now. Okay, so we have some warnings for you guys. You ready for this? These are the warnings. OK, stereotyping. This is kind of a pet peeve for me.

I don’t know if it is for you, but if they have a certain aspect of their life, that is a good thing. But you’re not choosing to do. You just decide, oh, I don’t want I don’t want to learn. What would one of those be like? Someone who homeschools.

Yeah. OK. So these are some I’m just going to plop them out. People often stereotype homeschoolers. People often stereotype people who go to home. Church people often stereotype big families or people who do homework. I mean, there are millions of stereotypes out there. Pastors, kids are a stereotype. Yeah. Entrepreneurs have stereotypes. Yes. I could go on and on and on. And it’s hit with the thing we have to be aware of is that it is human nature. Again, I’m bringing this up. Human nature is that we would be self preserving of our egos because we’re we’re. That’s just true. Is biblical. Right. And when we’re honest about that and we’re not hiding it and trying to make it all pretty and justify it when we’re honest about that, the reality is one of the ways that we justify not listening to truth from some people is by going. Those people. Right. Yeah. When thinking, oh, they homeschool. I don’t homeschool. So I’m not going to take their parenting advice because they’re too. Whatever.

Yeah. And sometimes you think things like this. I know I did about people who homeschool when I wasn’t a fan of it because we are. People homeschool to shelter their kids. Right. And what they’re socially awkward is true in some cases. It’s not the reason we decided to homeschool. And there are so out there, like, really positive reasons why we chose to homeschool. Right.

And so another thing is, oh, the big family, that rain must assume that Albay, they probably came from a big family and they really think everybody should have a big family, right? Oh, they must be of that. What is that called?

The Quiverful movement, which, by the way, we are absolutely opposed to that movement.

But we were like but we do like psalm 127. Yeah. Because we like all of scripture. And it says blessed is man who has a quiver full of children.

Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean we think everybody should just have as many kids as possible. And everybody different situations and God has a unique plan for every family.

And quivers can be different sizes. Right.

Can I just say that. Yeah. quivers can be different sizes.

And so there are things about that that are obviously like just being out about I can’t hide my kids, so I fall into the stereotype of the big family all the time, you guys.

We went one at a time and we weren’t kid people. And, you know, you have a brother and sister I have a brother and sister, so.

Exactly. And so you guys, I just think that it’s important to sometimes. Not sometimes. Sorry. That was weak. Always recognize that when you what you see on the outside, there’s always a story behind it. Do not just judge or assume because you could be judging wrongly by stereotyping.

So you’re judging and then you’re missing out potential. You’re thinking they’re judging and. Right. Right. We don’t really know.

Right. And so I would just say, like, assume virtue, expect virtue in one another and instead go, wow, God is good. That he blessed that family. Right. And I would think the same thing of somebody who had one or, you know, all children are a blessing. And so I just think that it’s important that we recognize that there is a bad practice out there, which is partially stereotyping for the purpose of justifying our reasoning for not wanting to listen to them totally. And so and I’m I’m just being honest. people gravitate towards safety, comfort.

And we don’t want people to ruffle feathers and challenge us to grow just to grow, step out of our comfort zone.

That actually should be a piece of the purpose of having a mentor, not the whole thing with a piece of it. And we should be able to have people hold us accountable to the things we struggle to to. Right. All right. Number five is foolishness disguised as wisdom. There’s a really big deal. All right. What. What appears to be wise at first glance often actually isn’t. There’s lots of things you’ll even see. People like on social media, for example, do certain things. And it seems to be wise and maybe the right thing at the right time. But if you actually dig deeper, you might realize there’s more truth to something that maybe makes you not want to follow suit with what lots of Christians are doing. And so you have to look at what is real wisdom. What is the truth behind things? What is the agenda of things? And you have to really I think it’s so important that you’re looking for the spiritual person now. Sounds a little strange, but it’s actually not. Its a biblical thing. You’re looking for someone that has the Holy Spirit emanating from them so that it is they’re controlled by the spirit of God versus being controlled by the world. That’s what I mean by a spiritual person. Otherwise, they’re going to bring things to you that look like wisdom that you’ll want to grab on to. That actually is foolishness in disguise.

Interesting. Can you give us an example?

Well, that’s a tough one, honey. Look at the one on the spot.

But I can there’s lots of them that happen out there.

But, you know, I actually think I just thought of one when we talked about this idea a couple podcasts ago.

Yeah, we are doing the critical thinking in an uncertain world. We talked about the importance of understanding that many things can be true at the same time. And we have witnessed Christians and non Christians alike blaming Covid on one thing. I’ll just say one thing. It’s this one thing.

There’s one conspiracy in this one paradigm.

But the truth actually is that many things can be true at the same.

You’ve got to go listen to the critical thinking, right, that we’d like.

Do you see how that is actually a perfect example of if you’re following a Christian online for example, that just says it is one thing and you just believe them versus doing research and critical thinking and realize. I’m not going to give you a specific example, but many, many times in my life, I have experienced a thought of the wise thing to do.

And then in prayer and contemplation, I’ll be prompted to do something very different. And it doesn’t always make sense to people around you. And then you do it and it works out incredibly well. I’ve seen that happen in business. I’ve seen that happen in our family. I’ve seen that happen in my own personal decisions. And sometimes at least what helped to work that muscle, I think, was having a mentor in my younger years that I could run things by. That was a spiritual person because they bring me to the Bible and we’d think about it clearly versus through the filter of the world.

So there’s the filter that naturally happens because we’re in the world that rubs off on side and it creates a filter.

And so we can think things are good.

But clear thinking is getting away from the worldly thinking and suspending that by looking with the word says and paint, entering the spirit of God, saying sometimes the spirit of speaking through another person that you. Just to give you that information. And so that is so.

So just be careful of foolishness. Sometimes foolishness looks so good. And we call it wisdom. So that’s really, really important. And so, yes, there’s some things, by the way, even with good mentors, that you’re going to listen respectfully and you’re not going to do.

True.

True that because nobody’s perfect.

Yeah. I think that this is really important, too, to realize that there may be some things, strengths that certain people have and everybody has weaknesses. Right. So there are just some.

And the reason why I’m bringing this up is because you guys choosing a mentor doesn’t mean that you’re going to want to necessarily emulate everything right there. Maybe you see someone who has a strong marriage, but they you don’t really know what the relationships with their kids are because their kids are all grown and out of the house and they’re married and they’re gone.

And so you can’t really drudge the parenting fruit. Right. But you see the fruit in their marriage. And so you start spending time with them. You’re getting marriage advice. It seems to be going really well. You’re studying the word on marriage. Biblical wisdom.

And then you ask them a couple of questions about parenting. And you’re like, well, that doesn’t sound right to me. That’s not really what I think the Bible actually directs me in. And it’s important to go. You know what? I can just take it respectfully, but take it with a grain of salt like we talked about and choose to just come put that one over here and you might focus that relationship on other things in the future.

Exactly. If you will sense a differing opinion of what wisdom is on some things. Right.

Exactly. And I’ve had relationships like this, like, for example, I’ve had people that I’ve met with where they didn’t homeschool and I was homeschooling. And so the topic that we talked about was not parenting. It was other things. Right? Whether it was online ministry or marriage or whatever. And so it’s good for you to identify what things you want to glean from people and maybe even have one or two that can teach you different things. That’s OK, too. And so it’s it’s just important to have that as a realization in your mind. So do you want to move on to the sixth?

The sixth one is exciting in its virtual mentors. Now, it’s so exciting. I know that. That’s awesome if you do. And that would be wrong, actually.

Yeah.

So virtual mentor and mentors the books online stuff.

Yeah. We’re podcasts, reading blog posts, listening to music actually. I mean, they’re not really a mentor, but they are focusing your mind on something and you’re meditating on words that are in their lyrics right over and over and over again. And that actually impacts and leads your heart and your thinking. And so whatever influences your thinking, influences your heart attitudes. You’ve technically chosen a virtual mentor.

And it’s it’s a good thing that virtual mentor is, but it just can’t be the only thing. So I don’t want us to hang on this. It is. We believe in it. Yeah. You’ve got to have that real person, real people in your life. that iron sharpens iron.

Right. So, so important. And there’s a scripture that I want to cover as we go into this, which is build on the rock.

Right to Matthew 7:24. Therefore, whoever hears these things of mine and does them, I liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock in the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house. And it did not fall for it was founded on the rock.

So as parents, as a father, mother, husband, wife, as one of God’s true people, what are you building on? And I happen to believe that it’s very hard to build on the solid rock. If you’re only running the race by yourself and only have the Bible, it is possible. But I do think that there’s blind spots. We’re not going to see if we don’t have the in person relationships with people’s. That’s the warning to keep us on track and to really speak into our lives. And so the Holy Spirit acts through other people.

So one thing that’s really important that we did not actually put in the list that just hit me and this is super important.

I mean, I have to like write more about this is that when you’re choosing a mentor and you’re wanting to choose someone who’s humble. The first thing you need to look for is have they made themselves accountable to someone who are they learning from.

Do they have a teachable heart? Because the reality is you become like who you’re being led by in some ways. If you have someone who thinks they know it all and they’re never meeting with anyone else, they’re not asking for accountability. They’re not being honest with anyone about their struggles because everybody has struggles. That’s a dangerous person to have as your mentor, actually. And so I, I, I say this with the most respect towards older people, but the reality is, is pride can set in when you’re older.

I am. I got to tell a story. I remember a time I was all into this mentorship thing and I was going to write a book with my mentor called The Fatherless Gap, which I think I still own that domain. And if you don’t now somebody else. So I will. And it will never materialize. Should have. But and I wrote outline and all this stuff one time ago I was on this kick and I was testing the theory. And so we were part of a bigger traditional church, a nondenominational church at the time. And where they’re great worshipped in the rich tertiary time of life, actually. Oh, yeah. And the church. Yeah. And so and then I remember train thinking about how he’s gonna use me here. And I got this kick about mentorship. And I was talking to these older gentlemen. One of them was a deacon and the other one was like a teacher at the big church. And. And I challenged one of them to find a mentor. But he was a library, remember, in his 60s, I think. I know. And at first he’s like, oh, I thought of that. And then he came back to me the next week and I was in were standing in front of this teacher and this other older guy. And he says he was so excited like a kid because I found my mentor and there is an 80 year old man. And it was just brought joy to this eight year old guy because he was being used more useful than he was. Well, and so we wanted to learn from. Yeah. So we want to learn from him.

And the other guy sitting there mocked him and said. Why do you need a mentor? That’s so sad.

Yeah, and it makes me excited for the older guy because I have seen so I’ve heard from so many older women who are like I. I hear you. I’ll be sharing teaching on Titus two, right. At a women’s retreat, which I’ve done many times. And I’ll have older women come up to me. I know that that’s God’s call my life. But, you know, they’ll say either no one was you here for me. Why would I want to hear from me or I don’t know how to do it. But also, they literally when they start getting older, they’re just hungry for Kont contributing. Having a contribution that they can give to the body of Christ. Right. And this is actually God’s design for them. And so if we don’t reach out to them, we’re actually robbing them of the blessing of being able to be obedient to God’s word. And I also think that this is an important thing regarding like, you know, who is serving in Sunday schools or nurseries or different things like that. Like it shouldn’t be the young moms. If they’re going to have that, it should be the older grandmas. That would be a beautiful way to connect the older generation of the younger generation.

We all need accountability. We all need it. We all need somebody speaking earlier if we need to give permission for somebody to ask us the tough questions. Otherwise, the enemy is roaring like a lion. He wants to take us. Yeah.

You know what? It just hit me, too. Guys, here’s a prayer requests we have. I don’t we don’t normally do this in the podcast. No idea what you’re doing.

But we have a massive prayer request. And I believe wholeheartedly that the whole church needs to be praying specifically for the older generation, All of the Titus Two men and the Titus Two women out there. God, laid this on my heart. Like to tell you the reason I brought it up the church. But we need the greater church to be praying because with what has happened with covid and the fear that is surrounding this for elderly people, I feel like this was very strategic of the enemy, the adversary, to try to fearfully remove the Titus Two men and women from the body of Christ. And that is not OK. And so we we have got to be praying and encouraging these people and helping them as much as we can because we need them. You guys, we need their wisdom.

We do. Absolutely.

So I thought that it would be fun. Isaac, what do you think of us sharing a little bit about our story? Well, we’re doing that in the next episode. Are we? Yeah. What should we do? Just a little. A little bit. Well, we did share with you guys about the older couple that one of the older couples I’ve actually had about 14 mentors that I’ve met with on a regular basis through my. Yeah, I have a much smaller number than that.

But you guys, I started when I was 15. I had it. I was I wanted to be a missionary. So I found it. Forty five year old single woman. That was missionary.

Yeah. She mentored me. And I. I just valued that so much. And so there’s many young people listening who are not married. I would just encourage you. This is the season to be growing and learning in that. But realize that you have a different story than we have. Yes. Obviously, that’s that’s an obvious thing. You’re like, yeah, I get that, Angie. But I just I think it’s important that we say because we’ve talked about stereotypes in this episode. We’ve talked about the homeschooling stereotype, the big family stereotype. You guys need to hear from us from our lips confidently that we believe that God has given you guys a unique purpose and that you and your hut, he has his specific designed for your family. Yes. And it’s not going to necessarily look like cars. Yeah. And your story is unique and beautiful. Right. And help helping to be a part of the body of Christ. Stepping up and going. Okay Lord, use me. What are my gifts. How can I who is young in your life that you could actually be serving. You know you should be desiring. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I remember like some younger women that were when I was in my thirties, they were in their 20s coming to me and asking if I would mentor them.

And I remember thinking, I am not Titus Two mentor. I am 30 and I’m young. I have no gray hair. And one of my mentors at the time said by Angie, you are 10 years down the road from them.

They don’t have kids yet. And you have a 10 year old and. And I just remember thinking to myself, oh, OK.

Well, I am an aspiring Titus Two woman, amen. And so if you are young, hey, practice be purposeful getting get engaged in the mission of the great commission of making disciples of pointing people to Jesus and realize that you can be aspiring to be a Titus Two woman.

And we’re going to in the next episode is titled God Has a Unique Plan for Your Family and so makes you tune into that will go more.

We’re going to get really raw and real about our story and how things transpired. Wired for us up to this point. But you know what? I love this. We’re not the experts of your family. God is. We’re just here to encourage, and to inspire. Get you thinking about things. And then you and your spouse are to assimilate that. Pray and figure out what is relevant for us. Right. Don’t mimic us. Ask God what is relevant for us. And make your own decisions. In the spirit while you’re walking strong with God. And I think that is the big key. But you’ll probably get us a bigger sense of that from this next episode.

That’s right. And so the last little encouragement that comes to my mind that I just want I encourage people with is that God is the one who gets to write your story. And so it’s really important that we don’t compartmentalize him out of any area of our life. And we invite him to be a part of it, because you guys, as you’re walking the stories, the testimonies that you will have throughout your life, that is part of your legacy, that those stories of you being able to witness God, move those testimonies, their testimonies, and in Psalm 119 all throughout, if you just look for the word testimony, your testimonies, Lord. That’s what the Bible is. It’s a bunch of of testimonies of God’s goodness and who he is. And and he’s teaching us things right. And the reality is, is we all have testimonies that we can be sharing with our kids and so don’t compartmentalize him out of it. Let him write your story. And I just pray that were an encouragement and thankful that we get to be a little part of what he’s doing in your life. Amen.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week. Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you and your spouse to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

It’s an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience, training to overcoming mistakes. Most Christians are making more than that. It’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group, live webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragements straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentorship program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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