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Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

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Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Welcome to the podcast. Today we’re talking about tending to your marriage.

Hi guys. We’re so glad you’re here. Thank you so much for listening. And, you know, I’m just so grateful. I’m really grateful that we have some really loyal listeners. Absolutely. It’s been it’s an encouragement to us. We love seeing your comments and reviews on Apple. And wherever you listen, of course, you can always find all of the notes at Be Courageous Ministry. Org right or courageous? Parenting.com also has the episodes and the blog posts that go with every single one of these episodes. And you guys, you’re going to want to go look at the notes because there’s doo doo doo doo. Seven Bible verses that we’re going to talk about today. Oh, wow.

Okay. And it’s going to be a quick episode too.

That’s right. We’re going to keep it short and sweet and to the point but powerful.

Well, you know, it’s so important to, uh, really have humility in your marriage. And especially, you know, the Bible says, guys, we’re supposed to lead our families, and that’s a servant leadership. You’ve heard me talk about that before, but it really takes humility. And I would encourage you gents to go listen to the Resolute Man podcast. I just gave you three questions to ask your wives, one of which is going to take a lot of courage to do so. I’ve already got feedback from people that have actually done it, from listening to the episode and experienced fruitfulness in their marriage already. It just came out. That’s right.

So but it’s all about humility because it’s the first thing that we want to talk to you guys about today, which is being willing to say, hey, how can I be a better wife? And the guys would.

Ask, how can I.

Be a better husband? How can I lead better? Was the specific question in there, because leadership is kind of a scary word for some people. Uh, maybe you’re not a natural leader. Maybe, uh, you know, you’re learning how to lead, and especially even someone who’s a natural leader out there in the workforce or in sports and these kinds of things. For some reason, when it comes to family, it isn’t as natural for us guys. Now, some of you might say, well, actually it’s pretty natural for me, but I think you’re rare. If that’s you, you’re rare. It’s not it. It’s not natural. And frankly, it wasn’t natural for me. It took thinking about it. It took intentionality. And frankly, it takes me rejecting the inner passivity inside me to do what I don’t feel like doing in the moment, which is opening my Bible and reading it, even though I know half the people probably won’t listen. And it’s it’s it’s because they’re little and it can get discouraging, right? Or to actually engage in a conversation and go deeper versus just kind of get back to my agenda. It’s not easy now in marriage. It’s not easy either. It’s not easy to take your bride’s hand in humility and pray together and lead in that way.

Um, it’s.

Not easy to do.

That. And, you know, we want to start out in Scripture. So first Corinthians 13 is one of those Scripture verses on love that’s used in a lot of weddings. You’ve officiated weddings, and this is sometimes a verse that you’ve used, but honestly, you go into other scriptures, which I always love, but this is a very common one. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. So what is it? It’s humility. If it’s not arrogant and rude, right? It does not insist on its own way. So that means it’s selfless. It’s not irritable or resentful. Okay, so that means it’s forgiving. If it’s not resentful, right? It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. A lot of marriages end and they stop being loving. Yeah, and a lot of marriages need to be tended. Like if you were tending a garden, for example, it’s a daily thing that you have to do with your garden, or your plants will die. They’ll either wither up because they have no water, or they’ll get eaten by pests and bugs, and the enemy will come in and destroy or weeds and sin will start sprouting up and choke out the plants. We see this in the parable of the sower. There’s warnings, and obviously we can only give glory to God for any fruit that is in our marriage, because he’s the one that brings the increase. But what does it say? In the Bible? It says that Apollos planted. I did the watering. God brought the increase, right? We see that in first Corinthians. So again, you guys, here we are talking about tending your marriage. It requires daily work.

Now in an argument. It definitely takes humility because you can insist on being right or your opinions the best, or whatever the case may be. But are you doing that at the sacrifice of your marriage? Are you doing that at the sacrifice of your relationship? Uh, the peace in your home of the ability to get to what is most important that you guys get to together and being a team? See, being right isn’t the answer. Your relationship is the answer. And if you’re willing to let go of being right, you’re going to have a fruit, a more fruitful marriage.

You know, it is hard, though, to be willing to invite criticism. Yeah. And that’s really what we’re asking you guys. If there was any homework, this would be the homework, right. Like to to go and ask if it’s hard for you to verbally ask. Or maybe you’re scared of what the answer is going to be. If you were to say, hey, is there anything I could be better at? Or are you happy in our marriage? Or is there something we need to work on? If. Those are scary questions to you. Write them. Write them in a letter. Give them to your spouse if you’re scared. And then pray and and just lean into the Lord and I will tell you, you can’t change another person, but you can change yourself. And that changing yourself can change your marriage. And so if there is something you’re unhappy with, being humble and being willing to ask is really, truly like the best anecdote in humility.

I’m sorry. Yeah. Humility. Yeah. Humility breeds more humility. So if you’re if you’re hoping that your spouse asks you the question, how can I lead better? How can I be a better wife? Whatever it is, um, depending who’s asking, then maybe you ask first, because that could lead into them participating and it might take some days or whatever, but it could lead into that. And so sometimes, although men are leaders of their families, women have so much influence, unbelievable influence. And one of the ways to have influence is to initiate what you want reciprocated back to you.

Yeah, I really it’s interesting when you think about humility. It’s like it really is a heart work that you have to do in order to get to a place where you can ask a hard question like that and receive it. Um, and that can be kind of like it’s a hard thing to do. It’s doing hard things, actually, to ask those kinds of questions. Um, and, you know, it’s interesting, I think that if you were to take the analogy of gardening again to another, that’s like doing the hard work of tilling the soil and getting the soil ready to receive the crop and the seeds and the water and the work. And we have to do that work in our marriage. We have to tend them. We have to be willing to dig deep. We have to be willing to be transparent, to confess sins, to ask for forgiveness. All those things are can be really hard in marriage. But can I just say, if you can’t do that in your marriage, then likely you’re not doing it in your relationship with God and other people.

If you’re first.

John really tells us that.

Just the thought came to my mind if, um, if your marriage looks different than how it looks on Sunday at church, then there’s a problem.

Yeah, no, it’s really good.

Okay, let’s go to point two. Bam! We’re hitting this hard.

Selflessness so important, I think of the vineyard when I think of selflessness. Like to be to be selfless. It takes being being willing to be pruned. It takes willing to drop really good things so that the other person can do really good things. So, you know, like in the vineyard, when you grow the grapes, you have to cut half of it off, so all the energy goes into other, otherwise it won’t be, none of the fruit will be good. And so maybe there’s too much too many things going on, too much busyness, or maybe you’re too busy and you’re not allowing your spouse to be able to do what they need, or.

You’re being selfish with your time.

Or their things.

So it takes your agenda. So what needs.

To be pruned out so that there’s more space to be generous with? Time to be selfless.

That’s so good.

You know, when it God’s word actually talks to both men and women on this topic of selflessness. And so I’m going to share two verses with you wives. And then Isaac’s going to share verse with the guys. Um, Genesis 218 I just, I think it’s important that we have perspective on what our roles are in marriage and what our one of our purposes. I said one of our purposes, because we have many in this life and as believers. But in marriage, within marriage, what do we see in Genesis chapter two verse 18, it says, then the Lord God said, it’s not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. We are called to be helpers to our husbands, and so selflessness actually is the epitome of helping helping your spouse. And so ask yourself, do I help my spouse? Does he ever ask me for help? If he doesn’t ask you for help, then maybe that needs to be part of your critique and exhortation question and go, hey, I noticed you don’t really ask me for help very often. Is that because you think I’m too busy like you were just talking about? Because I can carve out time and I will stop what I’m doing to help you. Because I realize that that’s one of my first jurisdicao sins as a Christian wife.

And like, that’s huge. When your heart changes and you recognize what what God made you for, like, God literally made Eve because he said it was bad for Adam to be alone. Then if we flip forward, woo! All the way to Proverbs 31 verse 12, it says, so this is talking about like, who can find an excellent wife, right, a virtuous wife? And then you go down to verse 12, it says, she does him good. It’s talking about her husband who an excellent wife who can find in verse ten, verse 12, she does him good and not harm all the days of her life, not half the days of her life, not a portion of the days of her life, all the days of her life. Like that’s super convicting for any wife. This is another call for selflessness. She does him good, not harm. What would do good to your husband? What are ways that you could serve him that are going to do him good, not harm? It’s kind of like when you’re in the garden and you’re evaluating, okay, what is the most important work I do? Right? Now? Is it weeding? Is it fertilizing? Is it watering? Is it pruning? What is the most important work you need to get done today in your marriage? That’s that’s a powerful question.

Well, it’s hard.

To be selfless if you’re agitated. So if you’re agitated, if there’s a bitter root or there’s unforgiveness in your marriage, it’s pretty hard to be selfless. However, God can help you with that. God can help you to be loving and selfless, even when the natural self, the the flesh feels like the other person doesn’t deserve your support, doesn’t deserve your selflessness. But really, what are you tearing apart with or not? You’re not that you’re tearing it apart, but what are you contributing to? You’re you’re. When you’re not selfless, even though you’re agitated, you’re contributing to to becoming one, not being so much one. Right?

You’re being an individual.

And having an independent spirit and working against each other versus together.

Yeah.

Ephesians 528 five. Right. Is it 520?

It’s 25 through 28. Yeah. Okay.

The board said something different, so I know.

So sorry. That’s all.

Right. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. I think of, you know, what’s a really powerful, awesome thing that guys do? And they’re really a lot of guys are really into it is fitness, right? And physique and making sure they’re strong and they’re making sure they get their workouts in and and their drink, their drinking, their protein shakes in the right, uh, balanced vitamins and so forth. And my challenge for you, while all that’s good, my challenge for you is that same energy put in to your wife’s health.

It’s so.

True. I mean, if you love your wife as if it was your own body, you would be.

That’s what made me think. Time for.

Oh. Oh, welcome to the farm. That’s Jehoshaphat right at the window, watching us and screaming.

That’s great.

Fantastic.

Oh, okay. Welcome to the.

Farm. That’s right.

So anyway. Yeah. No, I totally agree with you. I think of, um, there’s this other verse that you were going to share also in Colossians 319. Um, but before you share it, yeah, I just wanted to share something, the verse that you were, the passage you were just sharing that goes along with this next scripture there really. I mean, they they give you insight into God’s bird’s eye view of how he understands marriage relationships. Right? Because he’s literally he’s giving commands, he’s giving exhortations, get giving instructions to husbands and how to treat their wives and how not to treat their wives. Why would he even put it in there if he knew it wasn’t going to be a temptation for a man to to not do that?

Yeah, right.

Because obviously men can be harsh sometimes if I’m reading into this correctly, right? Maybe not.

Or impatient.

Impatient every single. But, you know, I think that impatient harsh it says right here, uh, verse 19, husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. I think that one of the things that the impatience comes out and sometimes we can be harsh is, well, some of us are in business environments, and business environments are harsh, and we need to not take that. We shouldn’t be harsh in business. I’m not saying that, but that can rub off on us.

World is harsh.

The world is harsh and harsh.

During the day you come home.

You come home and.

You have to be gentle with your wives. We cannot take that in with our relationship with our wives. Also, women have way more words to say, and some women have like, you know, they’re naturally just want to really explain something. So one thing, one tip I’ll give you is really good acknowledgements. Otherwise some wives, maybe not yours, but some will want to keep explaining because they don’t believe you’re listening. And so if you aren’t an active listener with the non-verbals and hums and all these eye contact and all these things, you’re looking at your phone or something like that, your wife is likely to talk even more. I know I’ve experienced that, and so I have learned to give her undivided attention, because then it’s easier for me to be patient. It’s easy for me not to get harsh because I’m getting the gist in a shorter amount of time, which I absolutely love.

I would say that.

I mean, for those of you who want a bird’s eye view into our marriage, I haven’t ever experienced Isaac really being harsh with me. And it’s interesting that people think of words when they think of harshness. Yeah, like when we when we read that verse, don’t you think like, oh, husbands, like, be careful with how you’re talking to your wife. Don’t be harsh with them verbally. But actually, there could be ways that men are being harsh with their wives that are nonverbal. And I’m not talking about like, physical abuse, although that could be a problem for some people. I even think about being harsh. As far as your expectations, do you expect your wife to have a perfect home and perfect kids and get all of your things done? And then do you portray a disappointment when she hasn’t gotten something done, or when the food’s not good? Like, that’s kind of harsh when someone is doing their best and they feel like they can’t measure up.

Oh, and it’s almost an attitude.

I honestly have not had this attitude, but I’ve seen it.

I’ve heard about other men, that’s why.

Which is an attitude of almost like you. They don’t have enough to do. Like there’s not a that they’re.

Not, they don’t have efficient or.

Productive. Because if they were I mean, you’re just at home and this thing isn’t done. There’s no there’s not an understanding for the full breadth of what women do. And I think that can lead into agitation if someone doesn’t have that into nitpicking small things. Not finished. And I think that, wow, I mean, I’ve learned, I’ve learned because she’s been on bed rest before what she actually does. And it is, uh, remarkable.

Hey there. We just wanted to invite you to join us in the next Parenting Mentor program, where we talk more about the heart of parenting in session two. So take a listen to this next little clip, and we hope you join us.

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We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

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One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

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You know, I think, too, there’s an element of harshness around like bodies and women struggle with body image. And if a husband is, like verbally discontent with the way his wife looks, for example, and he like nitpicks, why are you eating that? Or you shouldn’t eat that, or, you know, like, um, even when she’s like working out, going, well, did you do this? Well, did you do that or, um, not being willing to, like, help her to buy new clothes if she doesn’t fit in her clothes? Like being nitpicky. And that could be harsh. That could be considered harsh. So if any of these things are things that you’ve struggled with in your marriage and you’re listening and you’re just, like, starting to weep at this moment, I just my heart goes out to you and I after this podcast, I’m going to be praying for my sisters in Christ who may be. This particular section of the podcast is like hitting a nerve in their heart. Um, because this is. But I do want to encourage you to go to one another like the Bible has laid out instructions. Um, we know that in regards to offenses, because we’re going to talk about forgiveness next in regards to offenses the Bible say in Proverbs, it’s to a man’s glory to overlook an offense.

But then there’s also Matthew 18 if a brother has offended you to go to them in person without talking to other people, so no gossip involved. This like you go to your spouse. If they don’t listen, then you take another person and if they still don’t listen, then you go to like your pastor and you bring them and you get marriage counseling or whatever, right? But this is the thing. Like, you need to go to your spouse with the offense and say, hey, I felt like when you said this, it was kind of harsh or I’ve been feeling like I’m not fulfilling your expectations of a wife or, or is there, you know, like, maybe I’m not good enough for you, or do you wish you didn’t marry me? Like, I imagine, like the sadness that some of some women may be listening are feeling those things, and those are like that. Those are things that can destroy a marriage. You got to tend to those fears and those lies and those feelings.

I have a couple thoughts I have to share. One is if you have not cultivated your relationship deep enough in your marriage, then it just becomes about physical. And if it’s only about physical, then that’s not going to last. It’s going to. And so you have to invest. You have to spend time together and invest because all of our bodies are deteriorating. We can do a good job of keeping the Holy Temple going. But, you know, certain.

Cells.

Are deteriorating as you get older. And so it’s got to be about much more than that. The other thing is, if husbands are really nitpicky about their wives looks and things like that, it might. Isn’t always, but it might be a pornography problem. And now it’s a very unfair competition because here your wife has had children. Uh, all of these things doing the best they can. Real, uh. And then porn is not real. Even if it was real people. They’re making edits and all these things, and now there’s AI and all these things. So it’s an unfair competition. It’s sin and it’s adultery. Uh, and it’s very, very wrong because now it’s even if the wife doesn’t know it, it’s causing her to be on a unfair treadmill of trying to please her husband when there’s this wrong competition happening, when there should be no competition at all.

It’s interesting that you you jumped into this. This is that’s the fourth we’re going to talk about forgiveness. But maybe let’s just switch and talk about forgiveness after we talk about investing in your relationship, because you actually use that terminology and you’re talking about intimacy and pornography, which is also on our list of investing in your relationship, tending your marriage. We can’t have this conversation without talking about intimacy. We can’t have that conversation without looking at some scriptures that are challenging. They’re actually kind of challenging for marriages. Right? So, um, first Corinthians chapter seven, verse three. This is a hard one for people to hear. But hey, if you argue with this, you’re just arguing with the Bible, not Angie. Okay, I’m just going to read the Oracle of God right here. It says the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does likewise. The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except for perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control. Now, as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as myself. So he was like single, right? But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

What do you think about this topic of I hear this out there sometimes. Someone said this as a guest on my podcast, which is that sometimes women will use, uh, intimacy as leverage, as manipulation and withhold it, uh, for, uh, to influence.

Yeah, I think that I know for a fact because I’ve talked to women who have struggled with this.

Okay.

It for sure is a thing. I think that, um, if it’s happening on a regular basis, then that means that the foundation is that the husband’s actually not leading in that marriage and actually, um, pursuing or initiating the intimacy he’s waiting for his wife to because he’s either been rejected multiple times or he does. He’s never been the initiator, in which case the wife has been not the spiritual leader, but the intimacy leader, in which case, then the husband is just waiting for her to initiate, when in reality God has made the husband the head of the family. And so recognizing the right biblical roles within gender actually affects the marriage bed.

Yeah.

Which is a really powerful thing, like for husbands to realize. And then if they initiate and they get rejected, then it’s like, okay, we need to talk about.

This or.

Some. Sometimes you have to live with your wife in an understanding way too. Sometimes that rejection isn’t rejection, it’s just that she’s dealing with something. She had a baby three weeks ago. Or, you know, there’s there’s all kinds of things that we have.

Where she’s struggling with.

Body image, which.

We have to live in.

She is struggling with body image. Wouldn’t it be helpful for the husband to know that so that he can start speaking the powerful, life giving words over her? Oh, you’re beautiful and like on a regular basis throughout the time and like being able to invest in the time alone as a married couple, to be able to talk about those things and get her the help she needs, if she needs help. Right. And like, I think that really all of this goes under actually the topic of investing in your relationship and having those really dug deep, hard conversations, which again, tending a garden is so similar because when you’re like rototilling ground, yeah, you have to dig deep to moisten up the soil so that the roots of the transplanting plants can go in and actually be fruitful and get big and luscious. Otherwise, if they hit rocks and they hit weeds and they hit stumps, they’re not going to grow. Right. And so, like having these hard conversations is the digging deep in your marriage. It’s like you’re turning over soil, you’re turning over sin. You’re turning over things and finding oh my goodness, look at that root that was there. Are you kidding me? That prevents us from being able to go deeper, like finding out about trauma. You know, I’ve heard of even pastors who have confessed, like, 15 years into their marriage, they found out that their wife had suffered rape way before they were married. Like and like that is digging deep, though, and continuing to invest in your marriage. You don’t just like court a woman, get married and then take each other for granted, right? Like you have to keep tending to your marriage to make it grow.

I just was thinking, you know, we have the six session merit courageous marriage, um, series in the app getting the Be Courageous app because outside of the app, that thing would be a couple hundred dollars if we’re charging for like our courses, but it’s free in the app with so much resource in there. Sometimes I think it gets taken for granted. But there’s a session called oneness, which is an hour, which just is a must go through as a.

Married couple because it’s more.

Than intimacy. But intimacy is truly like a physical reflection of what is or isn’t there.

Yeah, on a.

Spiritual level and a oneness of heart, mind and soul. In addition, it’s really powerful. But we have another, um, you know, as far as intimacy goes, Hebrews chapter 13, verse four.

Good one. All right.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled. For God will judge the sexual, sexually immoral, and adulterous.

Yeah.

I just think that, you know, realizing you were talking about pornography and how that can be I mean, that is sin. Like you said, that’s adultery. That is very painful when a wife finds out about that. Right. Um, but there’s pain even before that, because I think both men and women know when they’re sin happening in a marriage before they know. You know what I mean? Like, you can sense it. There’s a body language. There’s the lack thereof. Body language or eye contact. There’s the there’s all of those things. And a wife will, like, deny it. Oh, he’s maybe not able to make eye contact with me for some other reason. Right. And they’ll think of other things because they want to avoid the truth of maybe what the problem is. And I just want to say, if this is something that you suspect is a problem within your marriage, pray, ask hard questions. Dig deep. Have encouraged your husband to get help seeking a pastor. If you don’t have a church, or if he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to someone that he knows in person, like reach out even to Isaac. Like you’re going to be meeting and help. You’ve helped with a lot of men over the.

Years with this.

Yeah, if someone’s interested, resolute Mancom, there’s a work with me section and it’s it’s beyond just working with me. There’s three different paths that are now possible. This is really new. I would encourage you to go look at it. And even if it’s not the pornography thing, but you just want excellence in your leadership with your home and even business. But and really, you know, what is the redefining having it all? It is most importantly a thriving marriage, a thriving family, and your legacy continuing of faith. That is the most important thing. And too many people sacrifice that. They let their ambitions sacrifice the most important missions. They get distracted. They get derailed by the enemy through things like pornography and so forth. So yeah, definitely take a look there and you can even schedule a free short call with me to see if it’s a good fit.

Yeah, I love that. I just wanted to make sure that people knew that that was a resource. That is it’s coming and it’s you can find out more about it at resolute. Man.com. Right. Isaac.

Yeah it’s there. Yeah.

Okay. So you know, this topic of, um, investing in your relationship, it really you can’t omit the word time you already mentioned. Like, are you too busy with your own agenda that you don’t have time and you’re not being selfless. You’re being selfish with your time. But it really takes intentionality of carving out time to spend time together and tending your marriage so that you if you want to have a thriving marriage 50 years down the road, 60 years down the road, whatever. Like you cannot have that without tending your marriage. Tending your marriage requires time. It’s the most important ingredient.

Right.

Like it’s it’s unavoidable that you will have to carve out time. And what you do with that time is also important, right? We’re not talking about going and just always going and seeing a movie and not not talking. That’s not like the date night of of choice. Like that’s not gonna cut it. As far as tending your marriage. You need to invest in your spouse. Yeah. And that requires all of the things that we’ve been talking about today. But this is not this is really a reflection of if you take each other for granted or not, if you’re thinking, oh, it’s too expensive to get a babysitter, then you just don’t get it. You’re literally like, you’re that’s just like the craziest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. You can have date night ins and invest time with your spouse. You can stop, I don’t know, doing your hobbies of golf or video games or whatever you’re doing. That’s not stuff my husband does, but, um.

I do like.

Golf. I just haven’t had time because I have a busy life.

Yes.

No, I get it, but I can’t even. Yeah, the whole point is that, like, if you have your priorities straight, when you’re in busy, busy seasons, you’re going to be investing in what’s most important first. And as a leader in your marriage, for men like that is the best investment that you can give, because then your wife is more likely going to want to be the selfless one that is doing good, not harm all the days of her life.

Right? All right.

A lack of forgiveness is not forgiving part of you, part of your team.

Right? Because you’re one.

So just think about that for a second. So it is important to forgive. And if you’re harboring something yes you may need to talk about it. You need to, uh, have lengthy conversations. But ultimately forgiveness is essential for a thriving marriage. There is no thriving marriage. There is no growing stronger if there’s a bitter root and there’s a lack of forgiveness. So that is such a wedge that will just grow in a negative way. You’ve got to get rid of it. And the only way is real forgiveness.

I kind of think that forgiveness is like. It’s so. If time is like water and investing in your marriage, then forgiveness is like weeding. Because sins are kind of like weed, right? And forgiveness is like weeding in the sense of like you’re taking time to forgive and you’re you’re getting rid of it. You’re literally like, goodbye. All the bad things. Goodbye forgiving. Right. And it it’s a necessity. Otherwise what happens? We saw in the parable of the sower I was just talking about in the heart of the home. This morning, we did a Bible study on where where love grows in your home. And, and we talked briefly about the parable of the sower. And within that parable, um, in Matthew 13, you can go look it up. It’s important that we recognize that, like when you don’t tend something and you leave the weeds, they can choke out the plant. And so if we aren’t having forgiveness, guess what happens to your marriage? Your marriage gets choked out like it’s required. You have to do.

It and you.

Are hurting your own relationship with God. Let’s look at that. Um. Our closeness. How about closeness with God? Right. Uh, let’s Mark 1125, it says, and whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so that your father also who is in heaven, may forgive you your trespasses.

Wow. So that.

So that means that if you don’t, what would happen?

So if you’re not hearing from God, if you’re feeling like you’re alone and you’re praying, but you’re not feeling that connection with God, maybe you could ask yourself, is there any lack of forgiveness for anybody? Could be another girlfriend or something like that to, uh, or, uh, a guy friend. One of the gents has. I mean, if you have a lack of forgiveness, something happened in business, things like that. There’s things I’ve had to forgive, really significant things. And I’m so thankful that I have God because he gave me the strength to truly forgive things.

We want to end this podcast with a little verse, a little little passage in Colossians chapter three, verse 12, um, through 14 or 16 here it says, put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility like humility, humility, meekness, and patience bearing with one another that’s having understanding with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all, these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thanksgiving in your hearts. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Hey, it’s so important that we have thriving marriages. We’re living in unprecedented times. There’s threats against your family. There’s people that, uh, may even be praying against your marriage. Can you believe that? There may even be people praying against you that happens. There’s, uh, all kinds of demonic forces out there. There’s spiritual warfare. But you know what’s true? We have an all loving, way more powerful God that’s in control, that loves you, loves your marriage, loves your kids, wants to be involved, and we just need to be surrendered. We need to not have any lack of forgiveness. We need to make sure we we’re not having any unbelief, and that we’re leaning into the Lord and we’re walking strong. And the only way we can do that is if we’re in the word. If you’re not in the Word of God, you’re going to start deviating. You’re going to start having a challenge of forgiving your spouse and others. And if you really want to be strong, if you really want to hedge a protection over your family, you’ve got to cooperate. If you’re not cooperating with the Lord, then you might be blocking him from protecting your family and using you in your marriage in the way that needs to be done, so that your marriage goes to a new level of thriving so that it can be a witness and glorify God in this uncertain times, in this crazy world that we’re living in. And we don’t have to have any fear at all because we have the Almighty God. So whatever your situation is right now, get on your knees, pray about it, and ask the Lord for wisdom. Ask godly people for wisdom. Get the help you need. But most importantly, lean on the Lord.

That’s right. Amen. We’ll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement, go to Be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

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