Why Couples Don’t Want Any More Kids

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Episode Summary

An important and sensitive discussion about the decision-making process of whether to have more kids or not. Isaac and Angie share from their experiences and observations on the 9 reasons why couples don’t want more kids. They themselves have struggled over the years on this and have landed on four rules that have helped them in their marriage.

God says children are a blessing, while the world views them as a burden.

Where do you stand and why? While God has a different plan for every family, Isaac and Angie cover 9 reasons why so many Christians don’t want to have any more kids.

Whether you are done having kids or not, this is an important episode as you think about your legacy and what you communicate in front of, or to your own children. Someday your kids will ask you about the “why” behind the decisions you’ve made and this discussion will be helpful.

God is the ultimate designer of every family and there is no judgment or condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. There is truly beauty in His unique designs of each family.

 

Disclaimers:

This message does not speak to those who are struggling with infertility and loss. Our hearts go out to those who have struggled for years to have children and have suffered greatly. We have lost a baby of our own and know the deep pain and heartache that brings. If you have suffered loss, Angie has written a lot on miscarriage and even shares her miscarriage testimony here on CourageousMom.com.

In this episode, Isaac and Angie hit on the sensitive topic of why Christians often choose not to have kids and give encouragement and warning not to stop having kids if it’s for selfish reasons.

An important question to think about: Do you believe God is the creator, or do you believe you are the creator of your children?

The 9 reasons Christians decide not to have more kids

FINANCES

  • Choose lifestyle over God’s blessings, children?
  • We’ve always believed both are possible together but lifestyle should never win over having children.
  • One of the greatest ways to impact the world is by having children and raising them correctly.
  • How many times do we ask God to bless us with material things, yet we’re not willing to accept a baby when God says it’s an amazing blessing from Him?
  • Personal story:  We had 6 kids, running a business we went all in on. As we were likely facing catastrophic business and financial failure we found out we were pregnant with Solomon, our seventh.  Isaac had a struggle in his heart for a bit but swung back with total trust. It was a gut-check moment.
    • We lost everything financially and stayed the course completely trusting God and He completely provided for us as a family of nine.
    • It was the best thing for our family growing together and trusting God.
    • Solomon brought so much joy during a challenging time to all of us.
  • Are we going to trust God with our finances? Is it God’s money or your money?

HEALTH

  • Auto-immune diseases are a huge challenge today and they can flare up in pregnancy but that’s why it’s so important to get educated so you can come out on the other side healthy. 
  • It’s going to take knowing your body and getting healthy naturally.
  • It was never easy for Angie as she faced many challenges in pregnancy and birth: Excessive vomiting, paralyzed from the waist down, bedrest, hemorrhages, miscarriage losing over half her blood almost dying, chronic mastitis, and more.
  • 9 months is a short time to sacrifice for another person’s life, legacy, and their eternity. That perspective helps you get through each day. Keep your eyes on the prize and the sustainer of our faith.
  • Women ultimately fear for their health because of how hard pregnancy, birth, postpartum can be on their health. To get wisdom and learn how to thrive through this season, check out Redeeming Childbirth and the Christian Postpartum Course.

HUSBANDS AREN’T SUPPORTIVE

  • If the husband isn’t being supportive, the wife may say “we can’t handle having more kids” but inside still want more.
  • Husbands have to be supportive otherwise they may be sacrificing their legacy.
  • Husbands must ask their wives what they need support with and find a way to help them.

POSTPARTUM CHALLENGES

  • The selfishness of men around sex is deplorable during pregnancy and postpartum.
  • Women can suffer and struggle through all kinds of postpartum discomforts, issues, depression, stress and more. They need to be prepared for what to expect so that they know how to care for themselves and others during this precious season when they should be enjoying their new babies, but often are struggling.
  • CHECK OUT ANGIE’S Christian Postpartum Course HERE for 54% off. 

SELFISHNESS

  • Struggle with the commitment in having a baby as the journey never ends.
  • A rule of ours is not to decide not to have kids if it’s a selfish reason
  • Don’t choose business or career growth over having children. Find a way to make both happen.
  • Family life should help a man succeed, a business life should support the family life

INSECURITY

  • If the husband’s eyes are wandering, or they are caught in pornography it creates insecurity in the marriage.
  • Body image because of insecurities of how they look.
  • Lack of validation in being a Mom from husband, society, and community and family.
  • Men, do you proactively, on an ongoing basis, appreciate the very important work your wife does? Does she know that’s the most important job in the world?
  • Value and validate one another in marriage.

SHORT-TERM THINKING

  • The more you fear God, respect for his authority and control in your life. The good fear versus the dread fear of the world. The more you fear God the less you fear the world and potential circumstances.
  • No one ever regrets that they had their kids!
  • I surrender all except my womb…
  • Exponential impact, are you missionary minded?  Do you want to impact the world?

QUALITY VS QUANTITY

  • If I have fewer kids, I can give them more, there is some worldly truth to that.
  • The biblical truth is He will provide and kids are a blessing.
  • Constantly reminding ourselves to keep our eyes focused on what God wants.
  • The new US fertility rate is a record low of 1.76 children per woman. It takes 2.2 women to have a stable economy.

JUDGMENT FROM OTHERS

  • If you train up your kids correctly they are a blessing to others. People become enamored by seeing kids obeying and joyful.
  • If you have poor expectations for kids behavior you probably won’t want to have very many children.
  • But if you become a biblical parent, they truly are blessings, great to be around, and helpful.
  • If you want to be a great leader in the marketplace, have more kids and lead them well.
  • Don’t take for granted the fertility of your youth, as you get older it gets harder to get pregnant. 1 and 4 women have miscarriages.

4 RULES

  • Make the decision in alignment with your spouse.
  • Not to make the decision during pregnancy or postpartum.
  • Don’t decide not to have kids if it’s for a selfish reason.
  • Pray about it.

Why are you going to stop having kids? Why are you going to continue having kids?

Scriptures From This Episode

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Psalm 128: 1-6 “Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways. When you eat the abor of your hands, You shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine. In the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants. All around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed. Who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you out of Zion, And may you see the good of Jerusalem All the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel!”

Psalm 139:13-16 For “You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Biblical Resources Mentioned

Go check out an important Pro-life movement and a great example for young people Liveaction.org and it’s founder Lila Rose.

The CHRISTIAN POSTPARTUM COURSE can be found HERE.

Final Thoughts

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 1 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise Confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

If you want to dig deeper with us to create lasting transformation in your family, check out the Courageous Parenting Online Mentor Program.

Also, see what we are creating and support the movement on our Kickstarter page.

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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