Why Normal Christian Parenting Isn’t Working

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Episode Summary

Good intentions aren’t good enough to equip confident Christian kids willing to walk and stand for righteousness in today’s uncertain world. This is a wake-up call for Christian parents to make the necessary adjustments before it’s too late. Get ready to be challenged and encouraged in this episode!

We live in an age where sin is normalized and celebrated, Christians are mocked, and freedom of speech is deteriorating if you stand for Biblical viewpoints. Christian parenting as usual largely isn’t working as kids from Christian homes are walking away from the faith upon launching from their homes. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we must re-look at what it takes to equip confident Christian kids to stand for righteousness in today’s uncertain world.


Tending a Garden vs. Vineyard

  • The more you water the garden the more they grow.
  • The vineyard is the opposite of the garden, you don’t want to water the vineyard otherwise the roots will stay at the surface sacrificing strength, fruitfulness and the ability to make grapes worthy of great wine.
    • It’s vital to let the plants be positively stressed so it forces the roots to go deep into the soil reaching better nutrients that are needed to discover their own water.
  • When your kids are young you want to parent your kids like they are a garden giving plenty of water or support.
  • As they get older there’s a transition where they need to be treated more like a vineyard so they learn how to produce good fruit.

Too often parents either hold on too tight or let go too early

  • If they are going to be fruitful we have to let God work in them because they have to rely on Him, not just you. We can’t be constantly the only one leading our child as they get older.
  • We are not to fear anything except that good kind of fear of fearing God.
  • We are not to parent in fear at all.

God Is Counter-Intuitive

  • The natural way we think of things isn’t necessarily biblical. It needs to be but it’s often swayed by nominal Christianity, influences of people who call themselves Christians but aren’t walking strong with God.
  • Be aware as parents of who we allow to influence us.
  • Are we living for the world or for eternity? Are we making our decisions based just on time here on earth?
  • Some counter-intuitive examples are; our body isn’t our own, love your enemies, our stay here is short…
  • We are to do what the Bible says.
  • When we are saturated in the word of God, our intuition is changed because our minds are renewed.


The Hazards of Normal Christian Parenting

  1. Over-delegation

    • Who is the spiritual head and teacher of your children?
    • If they aren’t going to you with spiritual questions, why is that?
    • Often kids are pointed elsewhere for spiritual things like the youth pastor, pastor, coaches, teachers.
    • Letting media watch our kids.
  • We want to have our child’s hearts and we want God to have their hearts too.
  • Can you honestly say “Follow my example to your kids”, even the things they don’t know about you?
  1. Real fellowship Isn’t Modeled

  • People don’t allow others to be close enough to each other to hold each other accountable.
  • Who do your kids see that you are accountable to?
  • If they don’t see you submitting to some kind of authority it may be hard for them to.
  • You want your kids to have the right peer influences, real purposeful Godly friendships.
  1. “Once Saved Always Saved” Theology Is Flawed

  • If parents think, “oh my child accepted the Lord now they are saved forever” they let up and overlook deliberate sin developing in their lives.
  • God is always there but we can fall away.
  • Instead of letting up when a child is saved, it’s game on to disciple them!
  • We should want them to know God, why God made them and for them to live on purpose for the kingdom.
  • Parents must have urgency with their kids knowing they could fall away.
  • A challenge with this is kids don’t feel safe talking with you about their doubts, silently the kid has doubts, starts walking away from God and does it alone.
  • We want you and your kids to be living in freedom, not bondage from unrepentant sin.

No one can snatch you away, but in your own will you can walk away.

  1. Lack of Discipleship

  • It must be a way of life while raising your kids.
  • Find creative ways to integrate discipleship.
  1. Inconsistent Leadership

  • Lack of follow through in discipline.
  • Simple answer but hard to live out.
  • They keep whining remembering the one time you gave in.


Why We Must Be More Vigilant Than Ever

  • We live in an age of normalized sin
    • Pornography, sex outside of marriage, masturbation, gender issues
  • Pride of knowledge
    • People struggle with pride based on their education and experiences
    • God says he will destroy the wisdom of the wise
    • If your kids don’t know God they will have access to all the arguments against God at their fingertips through the internet.
  • Kids have unlimited access at a certain age
    • We believe they should have access while they are home so we can train them up in how to use technology.
    • The internet can be used for good or bad.
  • The Rise Of Escapism
    • We have instituted the culture driver “We are producers, not just consumers”
      • We should be using our gifts for the glory of God versus just watching other people use their gifts.

You have to be Courageous

  • The culture will steal away your kid’s hearts unless you are courageous.
  • The best decisions we made were also the most unpopular.
  • Your decisions won’t make sense to everyone around you.
  • Our life has constantly not made sense to large portions of people around us.
  • It’s a harder path to be a Biblical parent.
  • It’s hard to have uncomfortable conversations.
  • God is faithful.
  • Your marriage has to be in alignment and exemplify the marriage you want your kids to have.
  • Real-time discipline and real accountability with your kids.

Scriptures Mentioned In This Episode

Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.”

1 Peter 1:14-17as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear;”

Romans 12:2And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

John 10:28-29And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.”

Hebrews 10:35-36Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:”

1 Corinthians 1:18-19For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,”

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Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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