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Why Positive Disruptions Help Your Marriage

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Episode Summary

If you are reactive and not proactive to change, you will likely hurt your marriage and family unintentionally. Periodically, a positive disruption to your rhythms in life are needed to recalibrate your course and bring greater fruitfulness in your marriage. Tune as we discuss four strategies that will help every marriage and ultimately bless your children.

The key phrase of Courageous Parenting is raising confident Christian kids for an uncertain world. What are confident Christian people going to do? They’re gonna stand for truth and stand against the pressures of the world.

We need to exemplify that in our decision making. Oftentimes we get in a rhythm and we just continue in that rhythm. When there is pressure against us it can be easy to get so comfortable in our path that we don’t make changes early enough and later we suffer the consequences. So are you becoming more like the culture or are you becoming less like the culture? Are the decisions you make increasing Godly fruitfulness in your life or worldly fruitfulness?

Why Positive Disruptions Help Your Marriage:

  1. Are You Driven by God?

  2. Be Proactive With Change

  3. Priority Driven

  4. Power of Team

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Scripture In This Episode:

Ephesians 5:15-17 –See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,  redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Ephesians 5:8-10 –  “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth),  finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.”

1 peter 5:8 – “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

Galatians 5:25 – “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”

Romans 12:15 – “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 –Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Proverbs 27:17 –As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

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Full Transcript

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom. And I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married 19 years and I’ve seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome to the podcast. Hey, everybody. We’re so glad we’re doing this episode. I think you’re gonna love it. It is on marriage, but also valuable for you single moms out there.

Yeah. We’re gonna be talking about decision making in some regards.

Yep. It’s really why positive disruptions help your marriage. Interesting title.

Yeah, and it’s interesting. So we’re talking now obviously we’re talking about marriage. this is going to be a great podcast. Yeah, but you did mention that this will be beneficial as single moms. And I think that the reason why is because this concept is beneficial to any individual, actually. Yeah. This is a conversation that parents even should have with their kids. Yeah. To teach their kids how to be good decision makers in the future as they grow up. Right. because otherwise their kids might make decisions based upon all kinds of things such a s fear.

Yeah. OK.

We don’t even realize how the world is infiltrating, how we make decisions. Even small decisions. Big decisions. And it’s so important to recalibrate from time to time. And if you are resistant or one of you is resistant to change, you probably stay the course maybe too long in some of your decisions made in the past. And with so much rapid change today and things going on, we need to look at things and we need to make changes when they’re needed. But we have four powerful points for you here, and we’re super, super excited about it. But first of all, hey, you guys know one million legacies, what we’re passionate about. What’s that about Angie?

We couldn’t even have a goal like this or a vision like this if it wasn’t for God laying it on our hearts, but also bringing the masses with us about what we’re doing. This is about encouraging other parents who are ran the race together just to keep keep an on. Yeah. To run the race with endurance and to encourage one another, to inspire one another, to challenge one another. Is it true that parenting is a long game. We see that all the time, right. But it’s easy to lose heart, to get distracted, to become visionless, tired, exhausted, all of these things and raise your hand. I mean, I don’t even give me a fist bump if that even resonates with you. Right. Like every parent’s thought, one of those things at some point or another, maybe every day.

So that’s why we need each other.

We do. We we do. And every time you share on social media, we know you’re raising your hand. You’re saying, hey, I want to contribute to this one million legacy movement impacting one million legacies when you do five stars on i-Tunes or leave us a written review on i-Tunes or anywhere else. That’s huge. And we really, really appreciate it. You can find all the show notes and everything. A courageousparenting.com, anything we mention, we make sure it’s in there. Props to Austin Tolpin, our media guy, our son, who is incredible. Does the audio, the video, the blog, some of the social help, behind the scenes. And it’s great.

He does do a lot. But you guys, you know, we’re all in. Yeah. Aren’t we? Yeah, we are all in for many reasons. You’ve heard us share about what those reasons are in the past.

I’m not going to dive into that right now, but it’s really because of you and because we want to be obedient to God, obviously. But we have been where you are as parents. Yeah, we’ve been married almost 21 years. You know, eight kids, eight kids ages almost two to twenty.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. It’s crazy. We have a few babies in heaven waiting for us there.

So we’ve lived life. We’ve been tested. We’ve walked the line, if you will, of trying to raise kids for a while. Yeah. And of course, we know all of the emotions, the feelings, the the lies, potentially that enemy tries to tempt us with the distractions, the way the culture tries to impact us. Yeah, right. How the enemy works. And we want to empower you and encourage you because we don’t want life to just happen to you, which is what we’re talking about today.

Yeah. Instead, we have to make concise decisions. And are you making those decisions? Walking the flash or walking in the spirit? It’s a good question. And it’s so important that we walk. In the light. Right. So in Ephesians 5:15-17 says see then that you walk circumspectly not as fools, but as wise redeeming the time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

The will of the Lord is counterintuitive to this world, meaning what we intuitively think about in. If we’re walking in the flesh, you can be a Christian, by the way, and walking in the flesh. You can have the Holy Spirit, but not be relying on the spirit. And instead, you’re relying on your own decision making. And you know, you’re in the flesh for sure. If you’re experiencing fear, worry, dread. Totally. All these things.

Well. And if you’re an unrepentant sin, you have to go there because you’re not walking in the spirit if you’re walking in unrepentant sin. That’s why it says so. If you live by the spirit, then walk by the spirit. Right. Those are two different things. But also in the same passage of scripture in verse 8, it says, for you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light, for the fruit of the spirit is in all goodness, righteousness and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. That means they’re sent there. There are things that are acceptable to the Lord, and they’re things that are not acceptable to the Lord. There is the Lord’s will, and there is man’s will.

And so that’s our first point is, are you driven by God or are you driven by circumstance? Do circumstances happen? Totally constantly. We’re being pushed whether we realize it or not. Sometimes subconsciously, we don’t even realize it. But we’re being swayed, whether it’s peer pressure by friends, people, we know how we want to look, fear of people, whether it’s challenges that happen, whether it’s closed doors, open doors.

Well, and, you know, is interesting. So we’re reading here in Ephesians 5. Right. And the very next versus says and have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. What’s interesting, though, is that circumstances, if you’re fear based and you’re fearful of people or you’re a people pleaser and you allow other people to influence your decisions, you know, you might wind up.

Having fellowship with unfruitful works of darkness in this case, what God says not to do, and this creates constant marriage strife. If you’re driven by circumstances. Because inevitably one of you might be more driven by God and the other driven by circumstance. You’re gonna have a major disagreement even if you’re both driven by circumstance. If you don’t have the Holy Spirit driving you, you’re going to have a challenge. There’s gonna be a lack of alignment in your decision making.

There is. And you guys, we’ve shared this image. I mean, this thought concept. I don’t even know where we learned this or if it just came to us at one point. But if one person in the marriage is seeking hard after God. Right. Like say they’re distant. Right. One person seeking hard after God. The other person in the marriage is seeking hard after God. They’re gonna meet at God. Right. So it kind of creates like a triangle. Right. And that’s what we want.

So ultimately, the first step in making decisions that are driven by God is that you’re actually seeking hard after God.

Yep. And another thing that prevents good decision making and is ego. Sometimes we don’t want to shift gears because of how to make us look or we lose position or we lose favor from people who are maybe ungodly and are expecting things of us, like thinking about climbing the ladder.

Yeah. Right.

Like being tempted into things that ambition sacrifices the most important mission.

Right. And that’s a little bit different. Right. Like the temptation to take on more work for more pay or for favors. You know, as far as promotions go or just accolades. Right. Because maybe you just really like getting accolades and you don’t get them from your wife or at home or from your husband, you know?

Yeah. And so you you really are addicted to work because that’s where everybody praises you. Right. And so that, again, is what we are talking about here. Are you driven by your ego? And choosing not to spend time with your family or your husband because you’re choosing to spend time elsewhere where it puffs you up?

And you know what? The enemy has a long game. He knows if he can get you swayed a little bit here, a little bit there, a little bit here, a little bit off. Over time, you will miss the mark and maybe you end up still going to heaven, but maybe your kids fall away.

Can I say something that just came to me? You know, here we are talking about making decisions. based upon circumstances or or God or like ego. Right. Egos different than circumstances. And that can sometimes they can go together. Yeah. If you’re making decisions that are righteous and good and godly, most likely you’re not going to get accolades.

You’re going to get the opposite. You get persecution. You’re gonna get condemned by the people, get confused.

Why did you stop doing that? Right you made so much money or why did you do this?

Doesn’t necessarily. Sometimes what God calls you to do is so incredibly counter-cultural that it seems baffling to people or or it’s just so righteous. For example, in the sense that then they get convicted and they condemn people or persecute them. Right. And so that can be hard for people to stay the course of in obedience to God. Right. Like choosing a path in obedience to God, because the circumstances are now that if they do that, they’re gonna get ridiculed, potentially disowned by family or fired. Right. I mean, how many people potentially are putting their jobs on the line if they’re speaking truth for God in obedience? There are just so many different circumstances. Right. And this is a big deal, because if we want our kids to stand strong, what are we doing here with courageous parenting? I know that you’re probably like, whoa, this is an intense topic. What are you guys talking about? But this completely impacts your parenting. And let me just tell you why. The key phrase of courageous parenting is raising confident Christian kids for an uncertain world, confident Christian kids. What a confident Christian people going to do.

They’re they’re gonna stand for truth or truth and stand against the pressures of the world. That’s right. We need to exemplify that in our decision making. And often times we get in a rhythm and we just continue in that rhythm. And even when there’s things pressing against us and you would ideally be good to make a little different decision or veer a little bit this way, we get so comfortable in our path that we don’t make those changes early enough. And later, there’s consequences, whatever that is. And so are you becoming more like the culture or you becoming less like the culture? That’s a good sign. So if your decisions are towards fruitfulness. Godly Fruitfulness, there’s a difference, though, right? There is worldly fruitfulness and Godly fruitfulness.

Yeah. And you have to be able to separate the two. Yeah. Recognizing that, for example, prosperity and success, if you get prosperity and success praise God, it’s from him and as he’s the giver of all good things. Right. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are walking in the way you have to be able to separate those as different things and go, what is God calling me to right? Yeah, because sometimes he actually calls you to sacrifice those things. He’s done it all throughout scripture. Hey, buddy, quit your job and follow me. Yeah, didn’t He do that to all the twelve disciples.

And if you’re listening and you’re successful, you can totally be successful and walking strong with God, not sacrificing your family. Happens all the time.

For most of our marriage, you you did do that. There was this season where we went through some hardship. Right.

Yeah mostly my bad decision making.

But it was also partially circumstances. Yeah, it was. There was some circumstance. I mean, like you had a vision and your vision and your intentions were actually good hearted. Yeah. To help to help other people, they actually have a big impact in the world. To have big impact. And it wasn’t about you having bigger impact. You were actually helping thought leaders have bigger impact. Yeah, actually. Right. And so there was this selflessness in it. But because it was your business, then there was this attachment of ego. Right. You know, and God had to break that in you, right? Oh, yeah. And so, I mean, we all know what the Bible says about pride. And so if we’re talking about ego and making decisions that help puff up your ego, I would just give you a little biblical warning here.

God opposes the proud and do you will want my opinion on you. Yeah, he loves you so much that he will get you on your knees one way or another.

So 1 Peter 5:8 says be sober. Be vigilant because your adversary, the devil, walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Resist him steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brother in the world. So we have to be steadfast. There is an enemy that is out to get you.

And if you’re not recalibrating and not walking the spirit and paying attention, then you are on a rhythm or a path that maybe less not as good as it could be.

Yeah. You know what you just said? God is so good. So, Isaac, you picked up this scripture for this portion, right? Yeah. Because of what you just shared. But the very first two words say be sober.

Right. Which is oftentimes used as sober minded. Yeah. Like in having right. Thinking of yourself. And the reason why saying be sober, be vigilant because your adversary. Right. And so what? This totally plays in with the ego. We have to be sober, right. We have to have right thinking of ourselves. We have to be introspective. We have to be willing to separate and go, okay, why is it that I like this? Yeah. Is it because of my ego? Because that’s not a good thing. Right. Right. And we have to see you guys. I just mentioned why this is so important to your parenting. Isaac mentioned that its because we have to be the example for our kids if we want them to be walking in the spirit, walking fruitful lives. But how do you do that? How do you model it? Right. You yes, you live it, but you don’t just live it and hope that they see what you’re living because what if your whole introspection is just in your mind? You never say anything to your kids. You never share with them your thought process. Yeah. I was thinking about what the word says about being sober minded and how. And I was thinking about what the word says regarding decision making and seeking wise counsel and our kids. I was thinking about what the words do you see that the whole point here is that you have this huge opportunity in your introspective thinking to then share the journey with your kids? Humbly. It takes humility, right, to say, hey, guys, I’ve been struggling with my ego and that’s why I’ve been around as much. I’ve been really addicted to work because I like that a lot.

And I love you guys, but I’m realizing that ive made an idol out of it. There’s nothing wrong with providing. In fact, we’re commanded to provide for our family. So that’s not what we’re saying. And there’s also seasons hustle. There’s short seasons where you can but accomplish something referring to is more like workaholic.

Yeah, right. I would definitely be a sin, just like being an alcohol or escapism to try and, you know. Right. Not dealing with the getaway in my marriage, which sometimes that’s actually why. Right. So wives like if your husbands aren’t around, it might be a good thing to think about. Just. It’s sobering. There’s that word again, sobering to ask yourselves, why have we decided as a family we’re gonna hustle for the next like six months to a year?

Yeah, or or is he is this been the trend for 15 years of marriage? And have I ever asked him why?

So the next point. Be proactive with change. We are going to talk about practical. What to do, how to do this. But first, let’s hear real quick from people who’ve gone through the parenting mentor program. A couple new things on that is now there’s payment plans which no interest, and now small groups can sign up and everybody gets a better deal. So that’s at CourageousParenting.com. But let’s hear what they have say.

Steven, I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal, this program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things that heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more or no longer fearing dark days ahead.

But we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation. OK. Point two. Like I said, be proactive with change. So change people don’t deal with very well in a general sense. He might be fighting me right now and going, I’m good at change. Okay, well, you’re an oddball and I like it to me. I like you. I like everybody. But, you know. Yeah, but sometimes even those who embrace change, like I would say, I love change. But there are sometimes I don’t like some change. There’s some change. I don’t like some. And so change that none of us like. Yeah. So we have to be proactive with change. So the best thing is have wisdom so you can make changes proactively versus being forced to make them reactively when it’s already caused damage. So important, right. So important. And so are you walking in strength or in the spirit? Galatians 5:25 talks about us.

So Galatians 5:25 says if we live in the spirit, let us also walk in the spirit.

This was the verse that I referred to earlier.

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So let us not become conceited, huh? There we’re talking about ego again. Right. Yeah. Provoking one another or envying one another. Sometimes the circumstances or the decisions that we make or actually because we’re stuck in the comparison trap also. That would be another sign. Right. Like if we’re envying what other people have and so we are so driven because we’re trying to keep up with the Joneses. Right.

That’s just not biblical. We have to be really careful for that trap.

Yeah. And so here’s the thing, guys. I mean, the Bible says you’re the leaders of the home. That’s not my decision. I’m just telling you what the Bible says. And we want to be biblical, right. If we say we hold the Bible up and say, I believe in this is the infallible word of God, but then we go, no, I don’t believe in rules in the home and that, you know, husbands and wives have different roles. Okay. You you’re just now telling your kids that you believe in almost all of the Bible. And I’m deciding which part I believe in. And that gives them permission to do the same thing. And I’m so smart. You should just trust me that I know which parts are real and which parts are not real. And so now I can expect to launch unconfident kids that don’t believe in God or or kids that say they believe in God, but then they’re codependent upon the parents to always be answering their questions because they don’t trust themselves to be able to read the Bible and determine which parts now in which this is an episode about biblical roles were probably will do that at some point. Yeah, but good leadership is never lording over overly controlling or anything like that. It’s working as a team and it doesn’t mean that the husband is better or more valuable. Not at all equal in value, but different roles. So I just had a touch on that real quick!

I mean, that’s a good point though, because that aspect of do you believe that this is the inherent authoritative, sufficient word of God?

Yeah, that it was with God in the beginning. Right. Or do you actually not really look at the Bible from that perspective? Because that will drastically change if you’re even launching confident Christian kids into the world. Right Yeah, it is. You can’t teach from something that your you are struggling with.

So as far as the marriage goes, it is so much better when you’re proactive, you’re in wisdom analyzing things, not just going with the flow, not just in the rat race of the flow that you’ve been in, but you’re thinking and you’re praying. You’re asking other people pray, you’re talking as a married couple on a date night and you’re initiating as husbands and wives can initiate too about if they see something wrong. And we talk about these things. And then you’re proactively creating a change together vs. you’re just going along with the flow. The enemy wipes you out a little bit. War has could have nothing do with enemy. Just bad decision making or sin. And this thing happens. And it could’ve been avoided if you were thinking like we’re teaching you and talking about right now. And we have experienced both, obviously. But we’ve really learned to try and be way more proactive and make decisions ahead of time sometimes doesn’t make sense to people. But then later, we’re like, wow, God, thank you. You had us make that decision. And we see now why and it is a way better outcome. So if you operate like you’re in control, you make decisions based only on what’s possible in your strength. Did you hear that? So if you operate like you are in control, to be honest with you, you make decisions based only on what’s possible in your strength. So what are some examples of that? So let’s say it’s a career change. You’re thinking about that, okay? Or how God how how provision comes in or money comes in or things like that. Or or. Oh, there’s no way. A lot of times people go. I feel like I’m supposed to go do this over here, but there’s no way to do it because with bills and with these things that I understand reality. But are you operating in if God really wants you to do this over here?

Are you operating in your own strength and making decisions just on that? Then you’re just going to stay in maybe the wrong direction. But if you’re instead operating in faith.

You might actually decide to do something different. Not exactly knowing how it’s all going to pan out, pan out, but trusting God, the trusting God, because you feel strongly he’s calling you to do it. And you you’re more likely to do that. In fact, you won’t do that if you’re operating your own strength.

Now, you guys, you might be listening and going. I do this and feeling kind of down. And can I just say we have totally been there. Yeah. In fact.

we have stayed in things way too long. I’ve persevered too long. I was taking on extra things.

Yeah, that have distracted us taken from the main things, all because of going, oh, well, maybe that and we’ve justified it, right? Oh, maybe that is God’s blessing. And it could’ve been actually for season, but it really took so much time that we weren’t able to complete the things that we knew God was calling us to do. Right. Because then all of sudden your time’s divided. Right.

And sometimes things just change. Like we recently made a major shift in something. And I think that we were supposed to do it really focused and diligently for a while. And now we’re supposed to shift just a little bit in how we approach that thing. Yeah. And so and that’s freed up more time to what God has called us to his already been validating that.

Yeah. Just today we literally just made a huge life changing transition decision. And then even days later, in prayer, God provides and shows up. It’s really amazing.

So be proactive. It’s good for your marriage. It shows good leadership. And you can actually think more clearly and you can perhaps time to pray.

So can i just say like you might be going, what is being proactive? I mean, Isaac has kind of given you guys some examples of what that looks like, but here is just the run of the mill bottom of the line. Here are some basics.

Instead of just letting life happen to you and you just respond or react. You’re gonna be proactive by anticipating change a little bit ahead of time.

You can’t always do that. Sometimes you actually can. And you might be choosing to ignore it because you don’t want the change to happen. But guess what? Change is gonna happen anyway. And so if you have signs or symptoms of certain changes happening, that could be good change or bad change. Let’s say your wife is pregnant. Guess what? Transition is coming. That baby’s gonna be born. Yeah. So you can either be reactive and struggle through postpartum struggle, through selfishness and life changes, or you can be proactive in preparing your home, your family, your marriage, your community, your job, your lifestyle. Yeah. And actually thrive during postpartum right one big things to have a meeting and communicate about what foreseen changes could be possible and then go down and plan A, plan B, plan C, pray about it together. You know, ask other people to pray with you and then give it to the Lord.

And sometimes we just almost subconsciously. But we’ve just gone, Oh, this is my lot in life. This is. All there is. And hey, you know what? If you have that attitude, it probably there’s more for you. But we should be content in what God has given us for sure. But we should be seeking his will constantly and navigating and leading and discussing and moving.

And that goes to point three, which is we want to be priority driven. And if you’re the leader, you want to be a priority driven leader. I’ve said this example before, but it’s just a really good one. So it lets picture a speedboat and there’s shore on both sides. There’s not a lot of water, but enough to go skiing. And you have your family and let’s say you wouldn’t do this having on the back at the same time. Let’s say you’re on two ski biscuit. Maybe they’re on ski biscuits for some, but they’re all behind you. You’re telling them and they’re having a blast. Oh, good leadership happening here. Right. But then you there’s a there’s actually a need to be proactive and adjust course. But you don’t you’re like everybody is having fun. I’m just going to keep going the same direction. All of a sudden there’s a rock. And so you have to turn too fast. And if he turns too fast, what happens to everybody behind the boat moves just a little bit. But the skiers and the biscuit’s swing way out wide. And they might hit the rocks. And so we need to be proactive so we can make adjustments as we go. And our family is following us and they’re not getting hurt and they’re getting damaged. And so just remember your decisions, your words and whether you’re listening to God or none are huge. You know, in the vineyard, you’ve heard us say this before and I’ll say it quick, but you have all that fruit on the vine and you have to cut half the fruit off. All the energy goes it goes to the remaining fruit to be worthy of creating great wine. Otherwise, you just have great looking fruit that does nothing. Yeah. If you just keep it all in there sometimes, what fruit do we need to cut off? So more energy is going into the right things. And are you priority driven? ok, what are the priorities that matter?

And this can be a really hard thing for people to determine. Like I remember when we had first cultivated the vineyard and that first time that we had to go out and choose which shoot Yeah. And I’m looking at them. They can look exactly the same, same size, same healthiness. They have the same amount of buds, right?

Or or when you are dropping fruit, there can be so much, you know, all looks good and it’s tempting to go, well, if they just keep it then I’ll have more wine or I’ll have more fruit. But the reality is, is if you don’t cut some of the good, then it’s all going to be half quality or bad quality. And it’s the same thing with making choices on what kind of things we’re taking on in life. Right. Like how busy we get, for example. Yeah. And we have to. Sometimes you just have to choose to cut even something that’s good.

We only have so much time as you have to analyze what is the fruitfulness from the time we’re having. And it’s not just monitor. You have to be thinking of spiritual fruit from this to. Right. But you have to analyze that. And what is the cost of that versus something? This other thing. This other thing. And pretty soon you have to go. OK. Sometimes we build up fruitfulness and then the fruitfulness competes with each other. And so we have to then make a decision to cut. So if we don’t recalibrate, we just try and do too much. Yeah. And then people get hurt and then people get hurt.

And because we can’t serve as well as we could for not enjoying anything, really, because we I mean all people like to give their best. Right. So if you are not able to even just give your best. Like if you’re giving your best and it’s not working out, that’s one thing. Right. What we tell our kids when they’re doing sports. Hey, did you give your best? That’s all we asked for. Right. That’s all you should ask of yourselves is to give your best. But if you’re not even able to because you’re spread so thin, that’s really frustrating and discouraging.

Yeah. And I think that most of society is actually in that category where they’ve made themselves so busy, they don’t know how to say now. And everything just seems like it’s so good that then they look at their marriage and they’re like, who are you?

I don’t know. I haven’t actually spent time here because I’ve been over here doing all these things. You’ve been over there doing all those things. And ah, we’re actually going in separate directions. You wind up 20 years down the road, married, going, who are you? Yeah. Or or maybe not even having the same mission. And on on top of it, this actually brings in the biblical roles aspect that you were talking about before too, where if a if a husband and wife are going in two opposite directions, there isn’t really a head and there isn’t a team atmosphere. You’re not really being one.

Yeah, right. So how do we make priorities? Well, you have to be in the word if you’re making decisions, if you’re leading a family, if you’re married, you got to be in the word of God and you’ve got to be praying. Otherwise, how do you hear from God? And you probably ask me, hey, guys, how do we hear from God more clearly? Well, I just told you that is it. He will come to you. You can trust your mind in your decision making when you’re walking in the spirit. Because if you’re reading the word and being what God says and praying because the word, we actually read this in church today, writing was preaching.

And second, Peter and he read a passage of scripture in the first two verses of while he was going through a great job.

And he shared that when you are walking in the spirit, the Holy Spirit. We’ll bring to your remembrance. Mm hmm. God’s word. Mm hmm. You can’t remember something if you haven’t read it, though. Yeah. Okay. So that that’s very important. You are not going to be able to recall or remember something you have never read, something you have never learned. So you absolutely the first step is being in the word, reading it so that when the time comes, you can remember it.

Lord willing.

Otherwise, you can’t be proactive because you know what the word says he grant you. You don’t remember. And you’re not forming decisions that are biblical based and based on in situational things what God wants you to do. So. So priority driven. So first priority is your relationship with God. Second priority is your marriage. Third priority is your kids. Everything else is not as important as those things. Right. And if you’re out of whack with those things, are you. Are you saying that even ministry is not as important? No way. In fact, that is called a disaster. You lose all your qualifications for ministry by putting ministry first and then sacrificing your family. And later, you’re nothing’s fruitful.

I mean, the reality is kind of a paradox, because what you just said is totally true regarding other ministries. But most people don’t realize that. Their first ministry. Ministry. Yeah. First, we have a relationship that’s important in priorities as God. But first ministry. You don’t have a ministry to God. So your first ministry is your marriage. Your second ministry is your family, your kids round. And then beyond that as anything else, because we’re mission minded. Right. So everything we do should be about the Lord, not about us, because we’re here for the great commission. We’re here to know God and make him known. That’s the chief purpose of man. Right. And guys, this all stems from loving him. Like, why would somebody want to know God if they didn’t love him? Why would someone want to make God known if they didn’t love him? It all stems from loving God. So if you really know what love is and what loving God is, you’ll want to be thinking 30, 40, 50 years down the road. Go. I I actually want to be qualified to be obeyed, obedient to God. And I can’t be a tidies to man or woman if I’m not living what it tells you that I need to be teaching the younger women. So therefore, I need to focus and do this ministry. Well, right now in the season that God has given me so that I can be obedient in 10, 20 years from now. Yeah. Most people don’t think like that. They’re just in the now. And their intentions are right because they love Jesus.

And here we live in an amazing world and there’s opportunity. And you could easily be fruitful while sacrificing your family in some ways and be looking and go. But I think that’s what this was. We’re doing some so fruitful. Well, actually, we live in a great time where you can be fruitful without even deserving it.

Or I mean, you can be.

Yeah. You probably deserve it, but it will. What are you are you sacrificing? Maybe what’s most important? And if you’re not a give yourself a pat on the back. But if you are a little bit and for too long, you might want to analyze that, because there’s something that I would call reckless ambition, which is when your priorities get out of whack and you make decisions without the right priorities.

Yeah, I know. Right. You just said something. You can give yourself a pat on back. I don’t think you actually meant that because we’re talking about ego earlier. Right. And I think that there’s an element of just going, you know, praise the Lord and we should be putting a man there on the back, actually. And that’s something that’s huge in here, which is community like we need to be, which is the fourth point power of team. Right. And so we actually need people in our life to be able to seek counsel from a man. And people who you’re talking about in the last podcast about the importance of people weeping with those who weep. But the rest of that verse in Romans 12:15 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice. And we need each other so that when we do something, our brothers sister pats on the back. Yeah, right.

Because we need that encouragement to keep on keeping on in Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways. Acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.

Amen, this passage of scripture is used all the time. But how many people actually are going to the Lord? Are you going to the Lord and saying, Lord, you direct my path or you know. And when he does start to to show you a way, are you being obedient to actually surrender your path fully to him, trusting that he is going to care for you, provide for you? Or are you worried, consumed, anxious about tomorrow? Because we know the Bible says about being worried about tomorrow. Yeah. It has enough worry of its own.

Now I have promise from God for you. You ready to hear the promise God has for you? He has many promises in the Bible. But there’s a very, very important promise he has specifically for you. You ready?

It’s in James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives to all liberally and with our approach and it’ll be given to him. Now here’s the warning. Most people ask wrong. You do not want to ask wrong. So do you ask wrong? Well, here you’ll find out. But let him ask in faith.

With no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let that man is suppose that he will receive anything, Lord. He is a double mighty man, unstable and always.

We don’t want to be unstable and we definitely don’t want our kids to see us being unstable are experiencing us being unstable. Yeah. Not if we want them to be launching confident Christian kids. Like if you’re claiming to be a Christian and then you’re not praying in faith, you’re not seeking gotten faith, and then you’re living just like how Isaac described. Are your kids can be attracted towards living in faith?

No, no. Also, point 4 is the power of team. And first of all, the most powerful I believe the most powerful team in the world is the marriage team. It’s true because it’s having such a deep impact. Imagine if every marriage was operating how God wants them to and they were dedicated to the Lord and they’re focused on the priorities correctly.

And if they applied this scripture that we’re about to read in their marriage. Yeah. Okay. Cause, guys, listen, a lot of people don’t use this as a marriage verse. This is often used as a friendship verse and people actually misunderstand like it as a marriage. But it’s a good marriage verse. This is going to challenge your marriage. It’s in Proverbs 27:17 as iron sharpens iron. So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Oh, are you my friend? Yeah, you’re my friend. So I know that you sharpen me. But I would hope that there are times when I sharpen you. I hope that you can say that your spouse sharpens you. Yes. Because if you are not allowing your spouse to speak truth into your life, then they are probably not sharpening you. And you are missing out on a huge portion of marriage. Called the friendship. The friendship. The one who. The part that exhorts encourages Comfort’s challenges to grow. Spurs one another on. Yeah. Holds one another accountable. Calls one another out in sin.

And some of you and some of your like. I want that, but I don’t get it. And if you’re at a loss, the number one tip I have for you. First of all, is to pray and pray every day, all day while you do and everything else. Keep praying and never stop rain because your marriage is worth fighting for. If you have some challenges, a lot of times we get caught in these grooves, we run erm races and pretty soon there’s secrets and pretty soon there’s separation. And pretty soon it builds up and then it explodes and there’s a lack of trust and then the kids are left in the wreckage and that is devastating.

I know you guys don’t want that, but to have a biblical marriage like Isaac said. That’s a whole other podcast. But to have a biblical marriage you have to incorporate this aspect of scripture into your marriage and it actually has to be foundational.

So as we went through this, we talked about positive disruptions there, disrupt. They’re just they’re positive things, decisions that disrupt the current path about something that could be small things and big things. And it takes a proactive effort to make it positive otherwise. Later, you react and make a decision and it’s just a disruption.

Okay. You know what? We have to talk about this for just a few more minutes, because a positive disruption regarding as iron sharpens iron within marriage could be a spouse going to the other one and saying, hey, I have something I want it really challenging with. I’ve noticed this particular. I know you’re being I don’t know, you can make anything up. Right. And you go to your spouse and you shared this sin that you’ve noticed or this anxiety or something. Right. Where you’re bringing it up, going, hey, I’ve noticed this. That’s a disruption to the other person, you know, isn’t it? But they in that moment, in that moment of disruption, the person that is on the receiving end of that has an opportunity to choose how they’re going to react. Yeah, they’re going to react negatively or positively to the disruption. Yeah. And if they react positively to the disruption, then there will be growth not just in the marriage, but growth, personal growth in the Lord and in there the way that their life actually is going, cause we’re talking about decisions here.

Yeah, absolutely. In the next part is wise counsel. If you don’t have wise counsel people you’re running the race with that can help pull you aside and go, hey, I think you might be going in a bad direction. Then it’s hard to have that proactive nature sometimes were blindsided. We can’t see ourselves. We can’t see our own direction and trend. There’s always a trend happening either going trending towards something good or trending towards something bad. But it happens so slowly. Sometimes we don’t know. We’re in a bad trend and the enemy’s fighting to get us to go down that bad trend. And if we don’t have brothers and sisters, that we’ve given permission to speak truth in our life and walking closely enough and fellowship that we can sharpen each other, then we’re likely to go astray. So the marriage is the most important team and the next you need your wise counselors.

Yeah. So important, you guys, we didn’t grab a bunch of scripture on wise counsel because there’s a ton of it and you. It’s just a very common thing that all Christians are aware of that we need to have that in each other’s lives. But if you don’t, I want to encourage you that that is the next thing, right. Besides reading the word of God together, praying and dedicating your decisions to the Lord. But you also need be praying and seeking out friendships, being proactive, opening up your home, practicing hospitality and be purposeful in pursuing other wise people to have in your life.

And when you do these four points now, you’re qualified to teach your kids how to be good decision makers and how to have positive disruptions. That look counterintuitive for the world, but put them on better paths towards fruitfulness, spiritual fruitfulness and fruitfulness in this world.

Thanks for joining us. See you next time.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you and your spouse to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

It’s an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that. It’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group live Webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragements straight to your phone if you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentorship program.

Secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com.

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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