• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Welcome to the show.

Hey, guys.

Good to see you here. If you’re on YouTube. If not, you’re listening. Wonderful. We have an interesting topic today. It’s about growth. Growth is important. And but spiritual growth is of utmost importance.

Yeah. So we are recording this on Monday. Right. And New Year’s Day is in two days. So it’s January 2025 is coming up in just a couple of days. And we know that at the beginning of the year, people just start thinking about ways that they want to grow. They start making goals, initiatives, resolutions. What are other words that you think of when you think of?

I don’t know, but we’re going to share some candid stories and insights. Some of our things we’re thinking about might spur you on. Yeah, I think that that could be an interesting topic.

You know, I, I also think that there’s this element of reality, since we’re all human and we all live in the world, it’s easy for all of us To start making goals, or to start thinking of the worldly or fleshly things that we would want to grow in, right? Um, to have goals on like, oh, I want to grow my business to a certain level or oh, I want. And those things aren’t bad. It’s just are you are you, though, really taking to heart what God cares about most, which is our personal growth, right? He wants us to have a contrite heart before him to evaluate all of our relationships, because it’s those things that are eternal.

You know, it’s interesting. I love that you said that, because what I’ve experienced is that they go together, that when you’re focused on your personal development, everything else tends to grow. I can think back to the business world when I was doing very well and I realized, you know, I’m the lid on this thing because I’m the leader. And so I went on Saturdays and got coach training at a seminary. And, um, just. I felt like I was already coaching my people. But when I learned that, I’m like, oh, there’s a whole nother level to coaching somebody to excellence implemented that. And that was one of the many things that catalyzed double double results in a pretty sizable company at the time. So I think that, um, that’s so important, like focusing on how we need to grow.

How we need to grow. And because it does change everything else. Yeah. We have an interesting verse to open it up with. Actually, um, I want to take you guys to James chapter four for a second. When I read this scripture, you may not think to yourself, oh, this is a scripture that goes along with the idea of goal setting or what you’re looking forward to this year. But bear with me here for a second. It says in James chapter four, verse six through eight, but he gives more grace. Therefore it says, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded. And then it just continues on. Humble. I really love this one. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.

I love that because it says, draw near to God. He wants relationship with us most importantly. And but.

We can’t. What’s interesting about this scripture is that he gives us things that we do. We have to take responsibility for humbling ourselves before God. We actually our sin and our pride separates us from him. We can’t draw near to him when we have sin. So he tells us here, humble yourself because he says, God opposes the proud. You can’t draw near to someone who’s opposing you, right? And so if if God opposes the proud, then for us as believers, we we need to ask ourselves, am I actually walking with the Lord with a humble heart posture? And if I’m not, I need to humble myself to be able to draw near, to be able to hear his his will for my life. Right?

What’s one of the greatest reasons your child, as they get older, will cause distance from you? One of the greatest reasons is they have hidden mistakes. Sins that they’re fearful to tell you that they’re holding on to or continuing to do. And that creates distance between you and them, and you don’t even realize what’s going on. Now, of course, God’s all all knowing. So he does know what’s going on, but you’re pulling back what God is there. Now, if you would just submit, if you just submit your life further to submit these things. Surrender. I want relationship with draw. Draw close to me. He’s right there wanting relationship. And as you make your lists, of course I highly encourage. Don’t just make the terrible list first. Make the good list first. About this year. You got to talk about all the things, all God’s blessings, all the ways he showed up, all the things, and make a list of all God’s provision. We should be thankful for everything. You might be in tough situation right now, but it doesn’t mean God didn’t show up in all kinds of ways this year, and we don’t want to forget those things, and that tempers us. So then we can talk about the Terrible’s. I mean, not really Terrible’s, but the things you want to improve, the.

Realities, the realities, the sinful nature issues. You know, I as we were just talking about how like even your children, because this is a parenting podcast. And so if you have struggles in your relationships with some of your kids, I know I’ve been evaluating my relationships this year. I wrote an Instagram post about some of that last night. I started out because I’m I’m deciding and I just want to give you guys permission that you can you can do this too. I’m kind of choosing to do something strange. I’m not picking one word like, you see everybody out there? My one word for this year.

Some people do that.

It’s fine. And it’s totally great. That’s awesome. But I can’t pick just one because I have conviction in my heart about picking more than that. And some of my things are going to be a phrase like slow down and things like that, because I know what God wants from me and I know I’ve been praying about for weeks now. Lord, I know you want this for me, but what is it that I need to focus on doing in order for that to happen? Because it’s not always that thing. Wanting a better relationship or wanting this, or wanting like it’s not always that thing that you need to focus on in order for that to happen. Usually there’s some kind of blockage that is occurring that’s preventing that thing from happening. Right. And so for me, it’s like I’m realizing that I need to simplify some things, pull back from some things, say no to some things, make my life a little bit easier so that I can slow down so I can actually have rest because I don’t feel rested a lot. And, um, and I feel so, so if if that relates to you, my advice is go ahead and pick two words. Slow down, go ahead and pick. You know, pick multiple phrases for different things that you believe God’s laying on your heart. There’s no equation to this. But what there is, is there is a God who loves you, who wants what’s best for you, and his best for you.

Isn’t always having a nicer car, or a cleaner house or or whatever in your head you might be struggling with what his will for you is that he would have a deeper relationship with you, that you would know him more, that you would be walking in the purpose that he created you for. And that takes time to be in the word. It takes time to pursue God and to know him. And if you have relationship issues with your kids like Isaac was just talking about, it reminds me of First John chapter one, where it literally challenges believers. You have this epistle challenging believers. In verse six it says, if we say we have fellowship with him, meaning God, while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His son cleanses us from all sin. And then it just continues on. You know, if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves. And so I guess I’m bringing this scripture up because if there is a relationship struggle, you can’t change the other person, but you can look into your own heart and search your heart to see if there is any sin that you need to repent of. And maybe that’s the thing that you need to focus on this year.

Well, I like what you said because, you know, a lot of times people are making lists and things about what to improve as long as they made a list about the blessings first, right? So you’re making that list, and then you look over that list and you go, okay, what’s one thing that will impact everything? And the one thing is drawing closer to God. Yeah, that one thing will change everything. It tempers the words you use. It helps you be bold and courageous in the right timing. It helps you to get over these consistent mistakes you keep making. It helps your relationships. It helps everything when you draw closer to God, because when you draw closer to him, you’re becoming a little bit more like him. And that’s the key. And so it’s not that you shouldn’t shoot for, you know, business goals, financial goals, all those things. I think those are really good and awesome and.

You enjoy them.

I enjoy that.

But.

But what what is the biggest catalyst to all those things is you walking in the Lord’s will. That’s what’s most important. You walking in the Lord’s will and and and being trustworthy. Um, because in Luke uh, 1610 it says one who is faithful and very little is also faithful in much. One who is dishonest in very little is also dishonest in much. And so, you know, we want to be faithful in the little things. And if we’re growing and becoming more like God, he can trust us more with bigger things. But if he can’t trust us with bigger things, he might give you might get some of those things because things just work in this world, but they might be causing havoc on your life that you don’t even realize. Like maybe, you know, not spending enough time of that quantity. Time with your children.

Mhm.

So Isaac, when it comes to writing things down, you’ve often shared just from your leadership background, you’ve shared about the importance of writing things down. And this morning when we started preparing for today, immediately you were like in Habakkuk, we gotta get that verse from Habakkuk in chapter two. And so I’m going to just read it for you. And then I’d love for you to kind of share with people about the importance.

Of, before we go into that, why don’t you share a little bit about master books for a second? Oh yeah. And we’ll go into that.

Yeah, sure. So this year, you know, it’s 2025 and it’s the start of a new year. It’s halfway through the school year. And a lot of times people are evaluating what they’ve been experiencing with their curriculum for the last six months. Right. Or the last five months, the first semester of the school year. And for me, we started using a new curriculum called Master Books. You can find out about it. Master Books.com. Forward slash. Courageous. Ahem. And we started using them. I had never used them before, and I have just been super impressed. Now, when I say we haven’t used them before, I mean, I haven’t used a full fledged curriculum that was for one grade level from them for any of my kids. We have used tons of books that they publish because they’re the main publisher of Ken Ham Answers in Genesis and all of their creation scientists materials, which is just that for me, was like the hands down. I didn’t realize that, okay, I’m in like, that actually was the thing that made me excited to try master books. And I will say, it’s been a really great year to be independent, not needing to be a part of a co-op that’s actually saved me a lot of time. You know, you just heard me talking about my need to slow down and being able to say no to some things that are going to be busy things.

And co-ops can be great in different seasons of your life. Yeah, you’ve done that a lot. I’ve done them for many years. Over ten years. Yeah. But, um, but if you’re in a season where maybe you have just had a baby or you’re postpartum or you’ve moved or whatever it is, and you’re just trying to settle and transition, thinking about what is best and having solid relationships in your family. Sometimes you have to cut out things like that that are busy, go go go. And so I’ve really appreciated being able to make sure that my kids are meeting all of their standards. But at the same time, we have this this very high end curriculum that I know is biblically, theologically sound because it’s vetted by many different, um, pastoral, um, protectors of the doctrine, I guess is the best way to say that. And so if that’s something that you’re interested in, and also I just want to mention that they have more than just curriculum. Not only do they have like over 30 different science curriculums to choose from, which is rad. They also have books on things like like the last book that we talked about, woke injustice, which is just.

Think about it’s your trustworthy library or bookstore? Yeah. Trustworthy bookstore. What’s the.

Url? It’s master Books.com. Forward slash. Courageous. Yeah. Okay.

Habakkuk.

You’re gonna read that? Yeah. So in Habakkuk, we have chapter two, verses one through three. It says and so actually I’m going to read at the very beginning it says, I will take my stand at my watch post and station myself on my tower and look out to see what he will say to me. Okay. So this is showing someone literally being purposeful. They’re going up to their watchtower, they’re sitting at their desk or whatever it is, and they’re waiting for the Lord to tell them what to do. So I want to encourage you during this time. I know that for myself as a mom, maybe it’s different for Isaac because he works from home and sometimes he can get stuff done with the kids running around him. I have a harder time with that. So setting aside a time where I can go and be with the Lord at like a a watch post, if you will, where I can station myself there and look out to see what the Lord’s going to say to me. I can be in the word, I can pray. And what? That’s just a powerful thing, to have some quiet time. So it continues on and says, and look out to see what he will say to me and what I will answer concerning my complaint. Sometimes we have complaints. I know that for myself, that’s what I’m doing. I’m evaluating some of my relationships, and I have some things that I’m like, not happy with. And so those would be complaints in a sense, and taking them to the Lord.

Some of the biggest challenges I’ve ever had to deal with were just so perplexing. How in the world are we going to solve this? And, um, I would do that. I would go to a quiet place, I’d open my journal and I would problem solve. And even in situations where I have professionals helping me that are really talented at this, I’m like, no God speaking to me. I’m going to problem solve in my journal, and then I’m going to influence those professionals. And I can look back and I can say, if I wasn’t doing that and influencing the professionals, the outcomes would not have been as good. And I think that that there’s a lot to it.

There’s a lot to it. So let’s continue on. Verse two says, and the Lord answered me while he was there in the quiet. Not with other people. The Lord answered me, write the vision. Make it plain on tablets so he may run. Who reads it? For still the vision awaits its appointed time. It hastens to the end. It will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it. It will surely come. It will not delay. So there’s there’s a lot in here, you know, obviously the second verse is write the vision, make it plain on tablets so he may run. Who reads it. Yeah.

That’s so important. Is writing things down. Something happens to our brains when we actually write things down. It makes it more concrete, more meaningful, more real. We’re more likely to do it even if we never look at what we wrote down again. It is so powerful, the cognitive processing in writing. So I don’t know all the science behind it, but I know God’s smart and he designed us to have pencils for a reason. So let’s use them. Let’s use them. Use anything. You use a crayon if you want, but just write stuff. Write things down and it’s so satisfying. There’s also a truth to if you’re a person that has things circling in their mind all the time like, oh, I need to do this, and I need to do that, and oh, this problem out here and this problem over here, I wish we could do this. And if you’re one of those people that can’t get to sleep because you’re constantly circling all these things, if you were to write down those things into action plans or even just writing out the issues and the problems, you would find that less and less. It keeps circling in your brain because you now have a trustworthy source called your journal, where you put it down so you no longer have to rely on your brain to keep cycling. All this, and use up all your energy and brain power and cause anxiety. Even now, you can write things out, and you’re more likely to take good actions when you do that and get. And then it leaves room in your mind for new thoughts, for creative thoughts, for exciting things, for, you know, positive things.

Mhm.

You know, the only other time. Well not only one other very powerful time that I remember God referring to writing things on tablets is actually the Ten Commandments in Exodus chapters 19 and 20. And when you look over that experience, it’s like, well, why? Why did God chisel, in a sense, with fire, the Ten Commandments, the law into stone? Well, stone is not I mean, it’s not going to go anywhere, right? If something’s called a permanent.

Journal, it’s.

A permanent journal. But there’s something powerful that it’s like, people are not going to forget these if they’re written down and they’re right here, there’s not going to be misinterpretation of any of the commandments, right where it’s like, imagine if someone was to say, um, thou shalt not steal. Oh, except for if you’re starving like people can. People do that? God knows that. They adjust things to to fit their own needs and desires, to justify their own sin. And he’s not having it, so he writes them down on the Ten Commandments, right? And God’s telling us he’s giving us this exercise, this wisdom in the book of Habakkuk. And if we really want to make progress and grow in a certain area, or we’re convicted about something that we want to change in our life or an area that we want to grow in. I think even even the positive things, let’s say you had a successful business year, but you want more success. That’s not a bad thing, but you have to, like you said, you were the cap to your own growth. So as leaders, you always have to look at yourself and say, I’m the problem. What is the problem? Where am I holding growth back? Yeah. And so it.

Reminds me, if you’re not happy with the atmosphere of your home, guess what? You have to change something within you.

Yeah, actually, that’s one of the latest posts that you put on. Well, that we put on Courageous Parenting’s Instagram. Right. And it’s like, hey, if you don’t like the family culture, you need to change something, right? If you don’t like the atmosphere in your home, you need to change something. Or or you need it. Just enlist. Tools that are going to help you. If you can’t do it. And you need to lead yourself. Because I’ll be honest, there are times as a mom I have to lead my own heart where I get bogged down, like if I wake up and immediately I have kids. Me me me me me. It’s hard for me to stay positive and to be happy and not cranky and to. You know what I mean? Like, I have to remember. No, I have to lead this. I’m going to let them start over. They’re going to go into their room, and I need to get my mind right and become the leader. Give the gift of music this holiday season with Wartburg Music Academy’s gift card. Christmas Special. Instead of learning music in isolation, Wartburg Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my Code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin and ukulele for less than $30 a month.

Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, students are given accountability, performance opportunities, seasonal challenges like the December Jingle Jam challenge, live feedback from their instructor, and printables to help them stay on track. The Vote Berg method approaches music a little bit differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down and practice with by ear training and song based learning, students will see immediate results. They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote Berg methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep. Use my code courageous to get 20% off every month your family is enrolled. Go visit vote Berg music Academy.com. Hey there, we just wanted to invite you to join us in the next Parenting Mentor program, where we talk more about the heart of parenting in session two. So take a listen to this next little clip and we hope you join us.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications.

This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in Scripture this is, do.

Your legacy a favor and your self a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation.

Well, starting the.

Day you just hit on an important topic which has to do with this stuff is maybe that’s part of your growth plan, which is starting the day correctly. I think it’s less about what time in the morning you actually start your day, and it’s the purpose at which you start your day. Yeah, everybody has different cycle seasons, uh, responsibilities, things going on. So just to say everybody needs to start at this time super early in the morning isn’t the answer. No. But what is the answer is to start well and starting well is starting with the Word of God. Do you have a little bit of time? I mean, that’s convicting for me, you know, is to start, right? I need to improve. I’ve had times where I start really well. I start my family really well and that sometimes things get get busy, get off track. And so we have to recalibrate, you know, are you starting the day yourself with the Bible and are you starting with your family with the Bible? I think you do that one thing in 2025. That one thing will change. So much will trump everything else on your list, I guarantee it.

Yeah, it’s a big game changer when we don’t start our day with God altogether. We’re not the same family. The atmosphere in our home is not the same. Literally, it’s the hardest thing for me to lead in the home, because managing the home, that’s my jurisdiction as a woman. During the day, I’m in charge of my home, in the household and managing it right. And as keepers of the home managers of the home, we if we’re not being filled with the Holy Spirit and being reminded of the truth, then we are operating in our flesh. You know what.

Happens when you operate in your flesh? You become a legalistic home. Legalistic home versus a relationship home. What do you want? Well, God wants relationship. Church is supposed to be relationship based, not legalistic. Rules based. Yeah. Uh, it’s it’s, you know, are there certain protocols with church? Absolutely. Are certain protocols with your home? Absolutely. But the the heart of the matter is what we’re talking about. Yes. And if your heart is, I can do it my way or the highway. Here’s what’s going to happen. Then you’re going to come down as kind of a taskmaster parent. And but if your relationship, if the heart of it is improving and growing relationships within your home and you and your children and you and your spouse, then that is going to yield far more fruit and actually you’re going to get way more done. See, there’s two ways to get things done. You can get things done through, you know, because you’re more powerful and you can tell people what to do and they’ll go do it. And there is a time for that as a parent. Absolutely. But if you’re more of a heart based, relationship based culture in your home and from your leadership, then you start to more often have people doing things because they want you, because they see that you’re doing too much, because they want to follow through and say, mom, look what I did, versus I don’t want to do that.

Yeah, you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of this week, when we had our kids at our house for Christmas, and I was so blessed. Like, I want to cry. I was so blessed by Caroline and Austin. Yeah. Um, because they took on two meals. I know that’s such a little thing, but it’s actually not when you have, um, 14 to 16 people that you’re feeding every meal for many days in a row. And, you know, I have a lot of sons. And so they, you know, they’ll cook when they need to, but it’s not their jam. They’re not going to be wives and kitchen. I’m not raising house men. Right. I’m not. Yes. They know how to cook some things. Yeah. And I have really been encouraged with some of the boys who’ve come to me and said, mom, will you teach me how to cook some things? Because I need to be having better food with me than peanut butter and jelly when I go to work. And I’m like, yes, they finally asked, right? Because you can push and you can tell your kids what to do, or you can wait for them to come to you and want that. And that’s much more meaningful. And you actually it’s better. It reminds me.

Of the cow, right? That old analogy of, you know, the boy trying to push on the cow. Push on the cow. I can’t get it to move at all. And then he puts his finger in the calf’s mouth and leads it out.

Right? Yeah. It’s so different. Or milk or something. Right? Exactly. And so, you know, I kind of went a little too far with that, that analogy. Just because I do want to share with you guys, you know, it is important to to teach men how to cook. Teach your boys how to cook. It is important. Um, I don’t want to seem really heavy on one side of that, but what I was trying to say is that I was really blessed relationally by Caroline and Austin because she was like, mom, did you have something planned for lunch on this day, or can I take that meal from you and I? I was shocked, so blessed. And I immediately was like, yes, please, that’s awesome. And I was so excited to and I my countenance started to change that day because I wasn’t I didn’t have it in my mind, oh, at this time I have to start doing this and this and this and this and this. Instead, I got to sit on the sofa, read a book to the grandkids and to the littles, and I got to have a little bit of a break during the holiday time that we were having with family. I even played a game, a new game with one of the boys, two of the boys, and it just it was really sweet. And then the next morning, then Austin’s like, hey, can I make breakfast? I have these special protein pancakes that we make. They were really good and they were really, really good. But like, again, it was one of those days he’s like, yeah, no, how about you sleep in mom? And I’m like, oh my, I can’t. Who is like I just that really, really blessed me. And it wasn’t something I asked for a blessing. It wasn’t something I asked for, but it was because I know it was just because he loves me. Yeah. And he was just. He figured out the way to tell me that, and it really meant a lot. So sorry, I didn’t know I was going to cry. It was really special.

That’s two episodes in a row you’ve cried. Now, is this going to be a reoccurring theme?

I hope not. Oh, okay. Well, I just did want to share something with you guys. Um, as we’re nearing the end of the podcast here, we’re talking about the importance of evaluating the real heart thing. What does God care about most? We all know he cares about our hearts. He cares that we are growing in him. In spiritual maturity, we see Paul exhorting the churches, saying, hey, there was a time when it was okay for you to have spiritual milk. Now it’s time for you to grow up and start having spiritual meat. And as parents, as older believers, we have a responsibility to push ourselves to grow spiritually, actually. And so when we read scriptures that are so common today, like Galatians 522 and 23 that talk about the fruits of the spirit. Yeah, you were just talking about the fruit. I just want to list them off here for you guys. But before I do, I want to read something because it goes along with what you were saying in chapter five, verse 16. It says, but I say, walk by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Whoa! So when you’re goal setting, it’s not about desiring or gratifying the desires of the flesh when you’re walking by the spirit.

It’s not about that. It’s not about gratifying the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the spirit, and the desires of the spirit are against the flesh. For these are opposed to each other to keep you from doing the things you want to do. And so here’s the deal. Whatever the desires are that you have in your heart, that’s like the first thing is evaluating is this a desire of the spirit or a desire of the flesh? And you have to take that before the Lord with a contrite heart, lay them before him and go, Lord, what’s your will? Not my will. Let your will be done. And I think that so many of us, we we go to our special quiet place with our journal to vision, and we get excited and we think about the possibilities and that’s all great. But are we then taking those before the Lord and going, but is this your will, Lord? Because I only want what you want.

And a danger. Danger if it causes discontentment and what God has given you thinking about making progress, then something’s wrong in your thought process. Yeah, something’s wrong in the heart of all of this, which is we do need to so love and appreciate what God is doing in all the things he is doing. And it’s okay to desire more. But let’s walk strong with the Lord. So we know that we’re hearing from God. We know that we’re the Spirit’s prompting us in the right directions, in his will, and to faithfully, you know, steward the small things well so that he can trust us with more things in this coming year. It’s exciting. What an incredible new year! I love that when the New Year comes around, because, I mean, it’s always a clean slate, but it’s just an opportunity to really think through, you know, how are things going? And then what do I want for my family? What do I want personally? And maybe there’s some dreams that you want to pursue too.

Well, and I think that when we write, I know that for myself, it’s, it’s less about like, it’s less about, um, the growth or the projects, although those are fun things to dream about. And we talked about those in some of the other podcast episodes that we did. We did a three series set, you guys, which I want to just point out and encourage you to go listen to one on Family recalibration. It was actually on November 22nd, and then there was one on, uh, family culture date night, right where the couple goes on a date night and they visioneer together. And then there was another one on how to actually plan the family meeting. And so those things you guys so powerful, you have to go listen to those podcasts after listening. Today’s because you want to teach your kids this method. You are not method. You want to teach them this skill that I really believe. It’s a life skill to dream, to plan, to bring things before the Lord, to pursue growth in different areas. If kids don’t grow up with it, it’s not like they’re going to learn this at school. And so and depending on what their work experiences are, they’re probably not going to learn this in work. So but this is something that helps you to really thrive actually to have something to look forward to growing in every year, regardless of what we’re talking about, if it’s, you know, the business side of things or if it’s a personal side of things, and it’s a really powerful.

It’s so important. Growth is so important because it stirs the energy within you. And if you’re not growing, then your energy might be decreasing in certain areas. And those areas might be really important. So it is important, you know, it’s like when you read a really good book that stimulates your mind and gives you good ideas, Your energy grows. You know, when you write in your journal about, you know, some plans and with detail and so forth, your energy starts to grow. And when your energy grows and your and you’re doing things and growing in good directions, the Lord is a, you know, in his will, right? Then it’s like, wow, everything else you do goes better. And so it’s so important. I think we are. God designed us to be people of progress, to be people that are growing and learning. He gave us minds, you know, in the mind. It’s very interesting thinking about the mind right now. I have a mild concussion from the thing we talked about last week. But yeah. Um, so I’m very keen on the mind right now. I just killed some brain cells. But you didn’t.

Someone else.

Did. Thank you. So. So I’m operating a little slower, so bear with me. But it’s actually proven that connections in the brain, just in a normal state, are either connecting and you’re making more connections in your brain, or they’re actually disconnecting. And so when they’re disconnecting, you know, that means you’re essentially getting smarter. Or you said the word right, so you’re getting smarter or not so smart, stupid or it’s not really a word, but you know what I mean. So so either either of those are happening. So it’s not like you amass knowledge and you grow and you’re growing and you stay with that knowledge. Like you could have a library in somewhere in your house where you’re not going to.

Remember everything you read.

I’ve read all these books, let’s say. Yeah. And, um, and, and now I can stop and just relish in my knowledge. Nope. No, no, that’s not how our brains work. And so we always need to be growing and it gives us energy. It’s such an important thing.

Right.

Well, I do want to just, um, draw attention to a few things as you’re making your list, as you’re praying about what God’s desire for growth is and what his will is for you and your growth this year. One of the things that is easy for us to overlook and go, oh yeah, I know the fruit of the spirit, but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the spirit, let us also walk by the spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another and envying one another. So, you know, obviously this this scripture, everybody knows it very, very well. But if you were to take the word gentle and evaluate how you speak to certain people in your life, are you gentle? If you were to take the word kind and you could do the same thing, what about love? Are you loving people the way you want to love them or the way you feel most loved? Or are you thinking about them and loving them the way they want to be loved? When you think about joy, like these are things that come by the spirit being in your life. And so, like Isaac said at the very beginning of this podcast, if you focus on your relationship with God, he changes you. This is called the fruit of the spirit for a reason. This is not something that we can conjure up in our own flesh.

Yes, you can learn to be self-disciplined as a human being. And you can be clean and be disciplined at cleaning up your messes after yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you have the fruit of the spirit of self-control. There may be rage inside your heart and in your mind and in your soul. And so I bring this up because as you go through each of these joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, faithfulness, are you faithful to God first and foremost? Are you faith? Are you a faithful friend? Is that what people would say about you? Like, what is the character qualities and the virtuous things that God wants for his children? What do we have to grow in because we never arrive? And the last verse that I want to share with you guys is in Second Peter. But you know, I wanted to encourage you that for me this year, I’m kind of going about my word and my list a little bit differently because I’m thinking about character qualities, and I’m thinking about how when you get older, it’s easy to just rest in your laurels and not necessarily think, oh, I need to become better at, I don’t know, being more loving. But I think that imagine how different this world would be if even older people in their 50s, 60s and 70s recognized I haven’t arrived. And what fruit of the spirit, what virtuous character quality do I need to grow in? How that would change the way that we operate with one another?

That’s a warning right there. If you if you have a character issue, which I think all of us do at times, right. We have problems. We’re sinful. Um, but if there’s something in your life, it’s kind of like a rut in the road. And if you allow that, stay as you get older. Unfortunately, sometimes you see that rut just get deeper until they die and you don’t want to be like that. And we want to catch ourselves and get out of that rut, um, and grow out of out of those issues.

So second Peter chapter one, verse five through eight says, for this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue. Mhm. That’s interesting. Right. Supplement I have Isaac on a bunch of supplements right now for the concussion to help him heal. And here’s God’s Word telling us for this very reason. Make every effort not some effort. Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue and virtue with knowledge. So that means so if you were to put that there, make every effort to supplement virtue with knowledge and knowledge with self-control. Control and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing because they can always increase, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

That Second Peter one five through eight, maybe jot that down. Maybe make that one of your key verses for your family this year. That’s my verse. That is such. Just take it. You know it’s not Angie’s. It’s the.

It’s God’s. No, I know, but I was I was going to say the reason why I wanted to share this with you is this is actually the this little portion of Scripture. I’m actually focusing on verse three through 15 because it does continue on. It says, for whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.

Ouch. Yeah.

It’s like, okay, so we focus on things like the fruit of the spirit, which are good to focus on. But then you’ve got this incredible verse here in Second Peter that’s talking about godliness and steadfastness and virtue and knowledge. And it’s God is saying like supplement your faith with them.

Yeah.

That’s huge. We should not be overlooking this. Instead, we need to look at it and go, okay, that’s convicting. Lord, what would you what words would you have me focus on? And so for me, like this is my verse scripture that I’m going to be going to this year and I’m excited to learn more from it.

Well, we hope this was encouraging to you. If you love it, share. It helps impact more people. Uh, we’re focused on impacting 10 million legacies. We can’t do it without your help. All resources at Be Courageous Ministry. Org, including we have important fundraising initiatives. Would you help us to be able to be courageous in 2025, in a bigger way and get more resources out there? Uh, all over the world. So thanks so much for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission, and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

History.org join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey. Welcome everyone. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

We’re talking about don’t let your wounds become their wounds.

Obviously. Why would we kids.

Why would we be talking about that right now?

Well, you know, I think that a lot of people are visiting family during the holiday time. And sometimes being around certain family members can trigger old habits, old ways of being and other people at times. Right. And so, you know, one of the things that we’re going to be talking about as far as biblical parenting goes today is this constant challenge. And wrestling with the old self versus the new self and walking in the righteousness of Christ, and that you’re a new creation in him, and that regardless of how you were raised, there’s no excuse for the Christian, because you can. You are born again. You are made new in him. And so we have a really powerful encouragement in today’s episode for you guys. But you know, there is this challenge that people come across, especially if they were raised with a really rough childhood. Um, or maybe they didn’t have a father, or maybe they didn’t have a mother or or maybe.

It was really peaceful, but there was just no direction.

Right? Um, and maybe there was just very hands off parenting. Laissez faire, if you will. Um, and they’re realizing this isn’t working for me today as I’m raising my kids, whatever the scenario is, there could be a thousand different.

And sometimes we don’t recognize our wounds until someone points them out. And so we really believe one of our jobs is to point things out to help people so that they can be stronger parents, and to help you discover any areas where we might need to close the gap.

That’s right.

Ask for the Lord to help close the gap.

Yeah, and sometimes we have blind spots, right? And so, um, even within your parenting, of course, the best accountability partner you have is your spouse. And so for them, sometimes when you get married, there’s like this objective perspective on family relationships that you see, right where they’re able to identify dynamics that maybe you never really noticed before, or how you change when you’re around certain people. And that definitely is something you want to listen to. Um, but there’s also this element of remembering your roots. Like for those who have been blessed to be raised with strong generational blessing, if you will. Um, there is a need for us to not take that for granted. To not take God’s grace in vain like it talks about in First Corinthians chapter six, but instead to build upon that and, um, to recognize that taking a blessing of coming from a Christian home, for example, if you take that for granted, you could actually be creating new wounds in your children that you yourself didn’t have. And so, you know, there’s a lot of warnings in today’s episode, I think.

Absolutely.

So we’re going to dive into something really powerful right in the beginning secret. And then we’re going to go into the biblical road and what that looks like. And then we’re going to talk about seasons of parenting cycle. So it’s this cycle for different ages, kind of how you need to adjust your parenting as you go. And no matter what season you’re in, you want to know the full cycle so you can be mindful of it. Because too often parents stay in the same cycle, but their kids have changed, and then it creates really big problems, actually.

Yeah, yeah. So before we get started though, we just wanted to say thank you so much for joining us. This week is our six year anniversary.

So six years.

For the podcast. That’s rad right.

Yeah.

Way over 5 million downloads. Incredible. It’s been a what a journey 194 countries people are listening into. I’m sure if it was translated into other languages it would it would reach even further. But those are the English speaking areas.

And over 1.2 million downloads this.

Year.

Which is the biggest year ever?

Biggest year ever. We’re so thankful for that. We’re so thankful for everybody’s support. Obviously, it’s a free resource. We have two other podcasts that come out also free. We have free workshops, a lot of free content we put out every week, all year. And we’re able to do that because of generosity. And so we’re so thankful we have some important fundraising things to do. You can find out at Be Courageous Ministries. Org you can give there a one time gift or be a partner with us monthly, even if it’s $10 a month or $50 a month, or $100 a month, or you know more. It all matters. And we pray for everybody that gives. And it means the world to us. So would you go there and check that out? Also, get something else free the biblical parenting book that is pretty new. I think we came out with it a month ago, and I think 1500 people have already received that.

I didn’t know that.

That’s really encouraging.

Yeah, that’s really cool. Yeah.

People are. It seems like as soon as they find out about it, they’re grabbing that thing and we’re getting already testimonials about it. Uh, it’s completely free, 30 pages. And it gives you insights to Into the Courageous Parenting program. Uh, obviously that is an invite in that book to do it, but you get a little more insight what that’s all about, why over 3000 parents have changed their legacy or in the process of changing their legacy through that program. So you can find out about that at Courageous Parenting.com. But we have, um, master books is we’ve been having so much fun talking about them. Then we’ll dive in because they everything they put out is strictly checked to make sure it’s biblical. And that’s so comforting when you’re wanting. I just want to go someplace and look in a library and know that all of it’s good. So and that’s what you can do at master Books. Yeah.

So obviously we’ve been sharing the past few months that we are using a lot of their curriculum with our kids for homeschooling this year, and we’re homeschooling all from kindergarten all the way through high school. Our fourth is graduating high school this year, and so in all in between and super impressed with the curriculum. Love that. It is something that I can continue using some of the curriculums I can continue using with kids over again in the future too. So that’s just something to think about. If you are thinking about homeschooling, you don’t have to keep buying new curriculums. I have loved all the resources that I’ve had over the years to be able to pull those out again and again when time allows. And one of the things that I’ve loved about master books is that they also offer a lot of books just reading material. Like Isaac said, that’s biblical that you can add on to your curriculum. So as your kids get older and you want them to start reading about defeating Darwinism, for example, or you want them to start reading some books on apologetics, or maybe you want to get a book that is about, um, politics today and the issues of today. And what does the Bible say about that? They actually have a lot of good reading material that will help you as a parent. Also, to be able to lead your kids, if you were to just read it and then teach your kids. But if you need like add on things that you want to have your kids write a paper about after they read it when they’re in high school, there’s some really great resources there. And so even if you are already doing something else, I would just encourage you to go to Master books.com/courageous and check out what they have. Um, might be a good thing to for the new year coming. Sometimes people switch curriculums halfway through the year because they haven’t been enjoying what they were doing. So if that’s you and you want to try it out, I highly recommend it.

So okay, let’s dive in.

So you might have heard this before, but hurt people. Hurt people. You might have heard that before. No parents are trying to hurt anybody. Everybody every parent loves their children, I think. I mean, at least a high, high percentage. And and it’s, uh, the last thing we would ever want to do is hurt our children. But sometimes, unintentionally, we can buy. Maybe there’s a gap in our parenting. Or maybe because of something that happened to us, we’re missing something, or we’re not willing to do something biblical because it was done wrong to us. See, there can be sound biblical principles in parenting, but if it’s done in a terrible way, if it’s done not well, then we might never do that biblically sound principle, for example. So there could be things that have warped us away from the very best influences we possibly could be that are needed to equip them in these unprecedented times. So. So we’re going to talk about that. Your influence matters tremendously. Your words matter. Your example matters. Everything matters and I don’t want to put weight on your shoulders. And let me take it back off you for a second. If you understand the gospel, then you understand that none of us are perfect, that all of us sin. We make mistakes, and you’re never going to be a perfect parent. They don’t exist. And we understand our need for Jesus and what Jesus did on the cross for us. And the more we understand that, the more we can rest in. Thank you God for your wisdom. Thank you, Jesus, for what you did on the cross. I don’t have to be perfect, but while understanding that we can all strive to do better and that’s what we want to do.

I think also there’s an element of pressure, pressure that we put on ourselves or pressure that maybe we feel is put on us, and expectation, if you will, right to be a certain way or to be the perfect parent. Right. And when you fully understand who does the saving, I think that a lot of parents have this like illusion that they have control, right? And especially when your kids are younger, obviously you are more control. There is more control. You have to make the decisions. You’re leading the day. You’re telling them when bedtime is, when nap time is, when to brush their teeth. You’re directing pretty much the entire day, right? You have a structured day, and your kids, little ones are following that structure, whether that’s feeding times, nap times, all the things. But as they get older, you get less controlled in how you parent because they start becoming independent individuals. The older and older they get. You want them to be able to launch from your home and not be a person. That requires being micromanaged their whole life. Right. Courageous parenting is all about raising confident, courageous kids for an uncertain world. Well, they need to be able to launch into that uncertain world with confidence and be able to manage their life. And that is a that is a big thing to be thinking about.

And if you have little kids, you might be going, oh, Angie, my my oldest is two right now. I can’t even think about that. But I do want to say, here’s the deal. When you are in the season of what we call like the mommy years, when when you’re the mama mommy, um, and you’re in the trenches with the, you know, the kids are they’re nursing, they’re sleeping, they’re waking up in the night. It’s it can be physically exhausting. And at the same time, you do take on the responsibility to structure and manage and direct the day that’s part of your jurisdiction. But do not confuse that with the fact that you don’t actually have control over their salvation. And I think a lot of parents do because they’re experiencing I’m in control. I make the decisions, I choose their friends, I, I right, I’m choosing their curriculum. I’m choosing what school they go to when they’re little. Um, so then you can easily believe the lie that what you do or don’t do is going to affect if they’re saved or not, when in reality that’s all about Jesus and the cross. And so understanding that yes, you are called to be intentional and to be that purposeful parent being that is not what saves your kids.

But it is important that at the same time, we believe we make an impact in a difference. Yes, in pointing them to God, that makes a higher percentage chance that they’re going to walk with God. I absolutely believe that because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t even try.

That’s right. I mean, obviously, we are the greatest influences in our.

Kids lives.

Right? And they’re going to hear about the Lord and they’re going to be introduced to a relationship with him. And we’re called.

To and they’re going to watch what.

You model. Right? Like if you have a walk with God, they’re going to see that. They’re going to see you be a changed person yourself, being born again or not. If you’re not right. And so I guess that that’s a huge umbrella over what we’re talking about today. Not allowing your wounds and who you are or who you were in the past to become the wounds that you then scar your children with. Right. But instead recognizing you have a choice.

What an interesting topic that we just got into. We weren’t expecting. God is sovereign, right? His sovereignty means he’s completely in control. He’s all knowing. He. He is all powerful. He knows the beginning and the end.

He has numbered your days.

He’s numbered your days. He knew you before you were in your mother’s womb. You know just what an incredible God. Yet he gives humans responsibility. Why? Because he wants real relationship. And you can’t have real relationship with someone that doesn’t make any choices.

And so we do about the heart.

We do have choices, and we do have jobs to do. And even though he’s sovereign, we have a huge job to do called father and mother or mom and dad or grandpa or grandma. By the way, I love the word grandpa. I just love it. Why wouldn’t I want to be called grandpa?

You crack me up.

This is coming from when? When? When we got our. When the Lord blessed our family with our first grandchild.

Right. I hope I’m a grandpa. I’m working on it.

She’s two and a half. And we were. It was the first time becoming grandparents. And we were like, oh, what are we going to be called? And so we were like, asking people what they were called. And there are so many names.

Lots of names out there, which is totally fine, honey. Yeah. Totally fine. Like all the different names.

Right. And I’m going over them with Isaac, and he’s like, I just want to be grandpa. It’s pretty grand.

Like, how do you beat that?

And then one day, I’ll be great, grandpa, and I’ll be both. I’ll be great and grand. And I’m just like, yeah, why is it that people are trying.

To get different names? No big deal.

But me personally.

I.

Love it. Okay, another bonus there. All right, so the first point here is we don’t want to be pendulum swinging. Meaning there’s a ditch on one. Imagine a road going down this this beautiful scenic byway, and it’s just a beautiful road. It’s just perfect. It’s like what you would see in an artist painting. But what you don’t see in the painting is what’s beside the road, because you’re not in it. And when you’re on the road and you’re looking at the road, you see the beautiful road. But if you go to one side, it’s this ditch. And if you get in the ditch, you’re stuck in the ditch. And if you’re stuck in the ditch, what are you trying to do? You’re trying to get out of the ditch. And too often people go from this ditch and they’re back on the road for a second, and they just go into the other side of the road on the other ditch, and they think they’re winning. They actually think they’re on the beautiful road, but they’re actually just in the other ditch. And that’s not what we don’t want to be. And an example of that is like, if you grew up with harsh parents, there wasn’t a lot of love, there wasn’t a lot of grace.

Maybe they frustration, maybe they didn’t.

Really understand the gospel, or they weren’t Christians or they were religious Christians, but lacking understanding of really how to be loving and and so then what happens sometimes if you have that, then sometimes people stay that. But a lot of times what happens is people learn a lot and grow a lot, and they become strong believers, but they they jump into the other ditch. And the other ditch is a passive parent where the kids are running the house.

And yeah.

That’s a challenge we want to be what, on the biblical.

Road.

That’s what we want to be on.

Right.

So in anything there’s ditches on either side of the road no matter your topic. Right. Um, and the goal is to be seeking biblical wisdom. And a lot of times for those of us when we when we consider our past, we don’t even fully know how we’ve we’ve been potentially impacted by it. Right. Or how we’ve been.

Warped.

So to speak. And so we would just encourage you guys, one of the exercises to do, and we know that the last few episodes that we have done with the Courageous Parenting Podcast have been all about like next year and thinking forward and like initiatives. And what do you want to change? And this is actually a really good question for that. If you’re going through that process right now and kind of following our lead on those last three podcast episodes, ask yourself if relationally, if your household family culture is affected by your upbringing and what ways that’s positive and what ways that’s negative. That’s a really healthy question to ask, because sometimes we can identify what the problem is, like, oh, I’m struggling with, um, being OCD. Let’s just say I’m being let’s just say I’m struggling with being OCD about cleanliness, for example. And you come to your husband and you’re on your date night and you’re talking about family culture, and you’re evaluating the different areas of your life like we talked about. And you get to your get to your household and you go, you know what? I feel convicted that I’m just I’m harsh with the kids. I’m always telling them, clean this, clean that don’t do all the things. And your husband goes, where do you think that came from? That would be a really good question for the husband to ask. Where do you think that came from? Because the truth is, is if you want change in your life, sometimes you have to go back and experience healing and look and see if there’s a bitter root that’s there or if there’s unforgiveness, which obviously the unforgiveness creates the bitter root. So clearly if you have a bitter root it’s because of unforgiveness. But think back to where did you learn that? What triggered you to want to be more controlling about things or thinking that everything has to be perfect all the time?

Perfection. Controlling, fear based. Right? Um, that all goes together and usually it’s a reaction to hurt, right?

Exactly.

And so you’re not you are going to actually leave a legacy of wounds in your children as you’re parenting them in regards to leaving those same. Um, it’s really a prison. Like if you think of a kid who’s growing up in a home where they feel like they always have to be perfect, they always have to behave, they always have to obey the first time, every time, which, yes, you want to train your. These are all things that you want for your children, right? These are biblical things. But when they feel like they’re walking on eggshells in fear of the parents all the time, there’s going to be some relational tear, if you will, and for for for you, the only way to truly break free from that is one you have to reflect. You have to own your own mistakes. You have to forgive, and you need to repent of what you’re doing today.

You might be a more legalistic home if that’s the case, and you want a more grace giving home another on the on the other side of not letting your wounds become their wounds is maybe you grew up with a really hands off family, really passive family, and you’ve gone into the other ditch of being harsh and making sure and fear based and controlling, because I don’t want the things to happen to me, happen to my kids. And then you go too far. And I think what we need to do is stay on the biblical road or, you know, how about church? I grew up in church and it was super legalistic. It was super rigid. It was all about the rules. It wasn’t about relationships and these kinds of things. People were very hypocritical. And you might have a little bit of a distaste now for church. And so, yeah, you’re a Christian, but do you take your family to church? Yeah. We we belong to this church. No, no, no. Do you actually take your family to church, like, every week you possibly can, like you’re trying to.

You want to. That’s your church family. You want to be there.

You see? It’s important.

Yes. And you see.

It impacts your.

Family. And you want that.

To rub off on your kids, too, and them to see it’s important when they launch and these kinds of things, these are just good things to check on. The why do we behave the way we do today? Is there a core reason for that? And if we address that core reason now, we can change.

And just to be clear, when you were sharing that and you were speaking in third person, for people to be asking themselves if they grew up in a legalistic Christian, um, home in that sense, because you weren’t raised in that kind of a situation?

Yeah, it wasn’t my story.

No, it wasn’t his story. But we know a lot of people that they. That resonates with them. And so it’s important to reflect and to just ask yourself like how? What. How was I raised? Especially as you’re thinking about family culture. Like that’s what people are thinking about right now, right? They’re thinking about how they’re going to lead their family. How are they going to be, um, intentional with their mission, with their family. And so sometimes you have to go back and do some healing in order to be able to lead in a healthy way.

And wow, so good for your spouse to hear it. They’re gonna be so much more understanding about your hiccups, your challenges. We all have them. And if they understand the core, the root of it, they also know how to pray for it and encourage you, so that’s.

Good for sure.

Proverbs 15 one through four says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the months sorry. The mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the Lord are in every place. Keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life. But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. So we can get people to do things by breaking their spirit. And just because people listen to you and do it, does that mean that’s the right way to do it?

Nope. Not biblical.

And you know what? I think a good portion of us fall to that sometimes. And I think it’s important that we’re just introspective and we ask the Lord to help us, and we help each other because you want your legacy to be vibrant. You want a faith filled legacy. You want your children to love the bride of Christ, the church. You want your children to love God and love the Bible and and and want to raise their family up on a biblical road that’s full of relationship based and focusing on the heart and the condition of each other’s hearts and our hearts. Make sure they’re pointed towards the Lord in our family, in our family culture, too.

Yeah, so the challenge is to not be normal.

Yes.

I mean, really, that’s I love that.

I’m so glad you said that.

Well, it’s it’s to not it’s to not go the path of nominal Christianity or not go the path of your normal environment that maybe you’re in, right? But instead, to always have this heart of Lord, show me the way I should go. Show me the biblical road. Right. Because it’s a journey. Parenting is a journey.

Yeah, it’s.

A very long journey. It never ends, actually. And there’s a lot of growth opportunities along the way. There’s a lot of adventure. There’s trial, there’s hardship, there’s challenges. There’s growth opportunities. There’s rejoicing, there’s milestones, there’s fun. There’s all kinds of things in this journey of parenting. But along the way, when it comes to relationships and how you interact with people and what is at the core of those relationships, you have to pursue the biblical road always.

The problem with not embracing normal and not being normal is that it will cause friction.

It will amongst people around you.

It will cause you will be going against the peer pressure on you. And I think adults have especially today is much peer pressure is teenagers do in public school. Why? Maybe more today. Because isn’t it true when you scroll and look at things online or you’re out and about, you’re comparing and you could you can not even know somebody and it’s causing pressure on you.

It’s true.

I also think that there’s a parental peer pressure that comes through the kids, but also has nothing to do with the children where you are looking around you at what is potentially looked at as successful parenting, and if you’re looking at it on the surface, you’re going to run yourself ragged trying to keep up with the pack.

Most people, service is.

Not what’s real.

No. And so you have to know in your heart what is really what is God impressed upon our hearts as parents that are the strong character qualities? What has God impressed on us through His Word, which is the only truth that we should be focused on when we’re raising our kids? I’ll give you an example. So when you’re raising your kids biblically, if you had laissez faire non-involved parents before, that just kind of they never had curfews. They didn’t really ever talk to you much. Um, especially in the teenage years, um, or even when you were younger. Right. Like, they they dropped you off at school, picked you up at school, and they were like, how’s your day? You’re like, fine. And there’s no conversation after that, right? Like, okay, so not really knowing one another. And if you grew up in that, that might be your standard of what parenting is. And or maybe you go, I don’t want it to be like that, but I don’t know how it can be different. And I’ll just share with you that one way that it’s different is that you actually pursue the hard things. You’re willing to talk about the hard attitudes, the hard heart issues in your relationship. And you dig in, you grind in. You don’t just avoid to have, you know, tranquil, fake peace in your home, but instead you actually dig in and you go, it’s not okay for you to talk to me this way. That’s disrespectful. Or, you know, like being willing to say, are you being honoring to God? You know, especially with the child who they’re maybe they’re growing up and they’re not necessarily a child child anymore, but they’re like, they’re wanting to be walking with the Lord to be able to point those things out. That is sharpening them as iron sharpens iron.

But most people, they just don’t want friction in the relationship, so they just ignore it and they just take it. They take the offense, but they don’t actually overlook it. Like the Bible says, right to a man’s glory to overlook an offense or go to your brother. The Matthew 18 approach instead. It’s just like one thing after another. And parents do this to their kids, too. And so there’s this need for us in biblical relationships to be willing to do the hard work. And that should be normal, because that’s what we see in the Bible. Give the gift of music this holiday season with Wartburg Music Academy’s gift card Christmas Special. Instead of learning music in isolation, Wartburg Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my Code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin and ukulele for less than $30 a month. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, students are given accountability, performance opportunities, seasonal challenges like the December Jingle Jam challenge. Live feedback from their instructor and printables to help them stay on track. The Vote Berg method approaches music a little bit differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down and practice with by ear training and song based learning, students will see immediate results. They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote Berg methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep. Use my code courageous to get 20% off every month your family is enrolled. Go visit vote Berg music Academy.com.

Well, let’s go into our second point. So the first point was don’t be a pendulum swinging parent. Be on the biblical road. We’re going to take a look. Now, what is a biblical road look like and how do you know if you’re on it? And while this is a short episode, I want to encourage you to check out the Courageous Parenting Program because that will completely revolutionize your thinking on this and be able to do it with a husband and wife team. Get in alignment on all these things, but this will be helpful. We’re about to do so. First thing is grounded in the Bible, right? Are we deciding to go against what the Bible says to do in parenting because of some hurt that happened in our past, or seeing things happen wrong or whatever? Are we not following through on certain things, you know? Are we grounded in the Bible? And I think that is super, super important. The next one is making sure there’s not a bitter root, because a bitter root can be a very, very dangerous thing that happens inside you. And it’s not hurting other people necessarily at the moment. It’s hurting you. And then it ends up hurting other people because it’s changing you.

And if it changes you in this way, you’re not going to have joy. You’re not going to have happiness, you’re going to treat people poorly. And this person that it involves, wow, there’s probably a lack of forgiveness there. Most assuredly there would be. So in where is this Hebrews 12, verse 15. It says, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. And who’s the many? It’ll be the many in your home that become defiled. Just that little bit of root about somebody not in your home can defile many in your home, because you are a person of influence, and it’s tweaking and it’s messing with your state of being. And it’s even probably messing with your ability to even hear from the Holy Spirit that’s in you. And you’ve got to forgive. And the interesting thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re back in strong relationship with somebody. It doesn’t mean you’re in proximity with somebody. It technically, it doesn’t even mean you spoke to somebody. Now it can. It’s beautiful. When we speak to people and we say we forgive them, but that’s not always possible. And sometimes.

People don’t even apologize.

Or ask for forgiveness or.

They’re or they’re gone. They’re not even around anymore.

Right? Maybe they’re so, so.

But to actually forgive them is a release on you. Mm.

And it helps you not.

To live in that bondage and to be free and not not give the devil a.

Foothold. Yeah.

Right. Because unforgiveness is that is that special foothold. It’s a it’s a it’s something that God over and over again, he is warning us to forgive because we’ve been forgiven, to forgive as Jesus forgave us and he forgave us, though we were wretched and in our sins, and we’re not repentant. Think of all the people who were spitting on Jesus while he was on his cross and and mocking him while he was carrying the cross. And and to understand the full gospel message leaves you in a posture of truly realizing your need for a Savior and how much you’ve been forgiven, and then that in turn changes your ability to forgive other people and to walk and operate in grace with them. But if you haven’t fully reconciled the weight of your sin and the need that you have for a Savior, then you haven’t fully experienced what it looks like to get the heaping grace of forgiveness just washing over you. And if you don’t have that, how can you give what you don’t have? Yeah, you cannot give what you don’t have.

And you’re probably not going to do this next thing if you haven’t done that right, which is to ask God to remove anything that is causing you to be in the ditch.

You know, I have a scripture I want to read with you guys. It’s in Ephesians chapter four. It’s verses 22 to 32, actually. It says to put off your old self, right? This is what we’re talking about, right? To ask God if there’s anything that we need to have removed. Put off the old self. Is there any sin, God, that you want me to put off? And it says which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. So we’re literally putting off the old, putting on the new, which is not even us. The new is Christ’s righteousness and his holiness, therefore. Verse 25. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. I mean, is a family members of one another? Yep. Are we supposed to be speaking truth with our neighbor? Or is our our kids and our husband, our spouse? Our neighbor? They are our first neighbors. And then it says this I love this. Verse 26 says, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity for the devil. This is such an important thing that we need to acknowledge that our former way of life gives the devil a foothold.

It’s our former way of life that gives the sin, gives the devil a foothold. So if there is something in us, something that we’re struggling with, something that we get triggered by, that sin we need to take responsibility for, and we need to repent and turn away from it and not sin. Not giving the devil an opportunity. And it says in verse 28, let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. And then it just. I want to skip down here to 31 and 32. It says, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as in God. Christ forgave you. And then it just continues in verse. If you wanted to go and read chapter five yourself, it just talks about being imitators of God as beloved children walking in love, that we need to choose to walk in the spirit and that we have the power through him to do it. Because guys, this is stuff that we can’t do on our own.

Strength, right? Period.

If you are aware of your need for a Savior, then you are also aware of the very real reality that we still wrestle with the power of the flesh, the fleshly temptation to sin. And so we wrestle with that, but we wrestle it with the power of God. If we’re walking in him and walking in his love, or we’re walking in our flesh. So you have to ask yourself, are you asking God to remove something from you, but you’re still continuing to walk in your flesh and trying to do it in your own strength because you can’t. I don’t know how many times I’ve had this conversation with one of our littles where it’s like, no, I know it’s hard to forgive him. You can’t do that on your own. We have to pray and ask Jesus to help you to be able to forgive him. And you know, it’s interesting because this last Saturday we had a ladies tea at church.

And it was.

Such a fun event, and we talked about biblical friendships and going deeper. And one of the things we talked about was this concept of walking with one another in biblical relationship, and what that looks like, and being able to forgive, which I think is like really a key thing for anybody who’s listening. Right? If they’re reflecting on how they were raised, and if there’s ever anything that you are critical of with how you were raised or you’re struggling with, you have to be able to forgive that. And for for everyone listening, Understanding that we need to take the time to teach our children how to forgive. That is, choosing to recognize you have a wound of having a hard time forgiving. So you’re going to choose, by the power of the Holy Spirit to teach your kids and focus on that with them. Because one of the things that we as parents do is we oftentimes if our kids are fighting and you have to mediate, what do you do? You tend to go to the kid that like, was the mean kid, and you deal with their sin because it was this overt sin, right? And then they will apologize to the other child and they’ll say, Will you forgive me? I’m sorry I did this. And they go, I forgive you. And the other kid just runs off. But did they actually forgive? Was there any focus from the parent with the child who needed to practice forgiveness to make sure that they actually are not allowing a bitter root to spring up?

The other question is, maybe they were more at fault because they were stoking the fire on purpose, and the other one’s just more outgoing and was.

Yelling, right?

I mean, you as a parent, this is the thing. Like, but when I think about wounds, right. Like this inability to forgive that is actually a wound that can be passed down to your kids. And so we have to make sure that we’re teaching our children, just as it’s important to teach the kid who is the offender to apologize and to repent. They also have to teach the other to forgive.

Now you want to think about if your home is a legalistic home or not. One way to identify that actually is if your children, especially as they’re getting older and you can think about this as you’re younger too. Um, do they deep down absolutely know that you love them no matter what they do, no matter what mistakes they make, no matter what choices they make, do they know, at the end of the day that your love does not change for them? Or is there a little bit of feeling like your love is based on what they do? Because see, Jesus, God. God loves us not because of what we do, but it’s because of we believe in His Son Jesus, who died on the cross for us. And that wiped it away. And because of that, even though we still make mistakes and we’re sinful because of that, in his eyes were saints.

We’re reconciled.

To him. We’re reconciled. Jesus. Yeah.

And so we have to make sure, especially as they get older, that they know we love them no matter what. And if it’s a task master, master kind of home, if they’re going to view their God as a task master, they’re going to view their God as harsh. And so we want to be especially fathers. We want to be representing a balanced approach here. Yes, we want to follow through. Yes. Sometimes we need to be stern. Yes, there’s consequences. And they need experience reaping and sowing. Yes, discipline is important, all these things. But we need to do everything in love. They need to know that no matter what, you’re going to love them and you love them so much, you’re going to correct them.

Yeah. That’s right. Because the Bible does say that God disciplines those he loves, right? And so and it’s because he wants what’s best for them. He doesn’t want them to be in harm or in in dire situations.

But is it.

Coming across right how you intend to your children.

And how it comes across deciphers? It is the differentiator between if there is a fear based parenting happening, or if there’s a grace based parenting happening, right? And so we have to be careful to evaluate this might be a really good marriage conversation where people could sit and talk about like, even just how they are doing as parents. What do you see? What do you see? I struggle with, you know, being able to have that constructive time of communication, um, would be a really healthy thing. But understanding too, that, um, we need to be careful not to be weak in this world. There’s a lot of people who potentially were raised in homes. We’ve talked about this laissez faire. Where maybe they’re not very hands on. Right? Um, but weak parenting can oftentimes breed more weak parenting, actually. Um, and so, you know, no one wants to be the the mean parent that says no. There have been many times where I’m like, I feel like the bad cop, right? But, um, the reality is, is as parents, we have to be willing to stand up and say, I’m an adult here. I’m going to be I’m going to wear the big pants, I’m gonna pull up the pants, and I’m gonna be a big person, and and I’m going to be the more spiritually mature, and I’m going to explain with grace and and patience my why for the 25th time. And when you do that faithfully, then you start to see the blessings as parents, because not only do your kids reap and sow, but parents also do.

Yeah.

And so we have to be willing to sow good seeds with our kids.

By the way, I know there’s all kinds of unique situations out here. There’s single moms, there’s single dads, there’s, uh, people in marriages where one’s a Christian, one’s not. There’s challenges happening. There’s kids that may be in trouble right now. There’s maybe you have young kids, but there’s peer influences are difficult. There’s all kinds of challenges. Maybe you just, you know, saw that one of your kids was looking at porn or all kinds of challenges could be happening. Uh, now we’re going into Christmas right now and things like that. I just want to point out and we’re going to go into the seasons of parenting cycle in a second here. But next week we’re going to lay out some serious encouragements. It’s going to be maybe the most encouraging episode ever given by courageous parenting.

Woohoo! And so we’re.

Gonna we want to start right before the year, just encourage everybody and give you some really good scriptures and encourage you and give you some tools to encourage yourself and encourage each other next week. But let’s go into the seasons of parenting cycle.

So, you know, we’ve we go over this a lot more in depth in the courageous parenting program for sure. We have an entire session where we have a section on this and what it can look like in your home. But as far as structure and seasons of parenting, I think it’s really important that parents understand that as your kids are growing, your parenting also needs to grow, right? And as your kids are maturing, you’re also maturing and your relationship is maturing. And there should be things like trust having been developed, for example. Right. And a lot of parents. So there’s two ways that you can go about parenting. You can either be really hands off when they’re little and then when they’re older, you what we tend to see is parents clamp down, right. Because they’re like, oh no, they’re making bad choices. This is going to hurt them. So they start throwing all the rules and regulations and no, no, no, no, no. And they’re high control. And what.

Happens?

They backfires.

They rebel.

Rebel. And then there’s the opposite of that, which maybe is a little bit more countercultural, which is that you are more in control, more, um, purposeful with your kids when they’re younger, teaching them the whys, acknowledging that they’re smarter than you think they are. You’re giving them the why behind why we’re spending time with this family, or why we’re not spending time with these, this family. Right. And you’re teaching them. You’re reading Scripture about how important it is to choose wise friends, for example. Right. And then as they start getting older, you start letting them make those decisions and they get to experience and learn way before they’re older. And those lessons learned are more dangerous. Right? And so if you start out with your high directive, we call that high directive ages 0 to 5, right where Mom and dad are in charge of the entire day. They’re directing everything manage, manage, manage. But then what happens next? They get to be six, 6 to 9.

You’re directive, but you’re also equipping, right? And so they’re old enough now where they can become extremely helpful, and they need to see themselves as helpful to feel important. If they don’t feel important, then they just want to go play video games or they just want to, uh, you know.

They default to whatever the active thing is.

Whatever. You know, something they can do is but they need to feel helpful. So you can be directive. Yes. Still directive. Maybe not as highly directive because they’re starting to make their own good decisions and sometimes bad decisions. So you’re still directive but you’re also equipping them the ages 6 to 9. And then you get into this next season, which is really fun. And most people never switch. They go high directive, directive.

And then they stay.

Directive.

And that’s kind of it. And then they become friends with their kids.

Well, they.

Try to, but.

It’s they’re still directive directive friends. And that’s super.

Confusing, super wrong.

And and.

What it leads is if you stay directive, then you don’t ever fully launch independent adults.

Who can.

Think for themselves. They require because they’ve been micromanaged their whole life or managed. They still require someone to hold their hand and walk them along even when they’re 20, 22. Whatever. Right? And so you have to shift from being directive and equipping to coaching.

And coaching is so important. That’s where it’s far less directive. You might direct sometimes, but you don’t actually don’t have to because you did such a good job in those first two seasons that now you’re just navigating, you’re asking them questions. You’re they’re telling you, they’re asking you for advice and what they should do about things. And this is those ages of 14 to 18. You’re working.

You’re working a problem.

With them, and you’re going to put your direction in there sometimes, but they’re always going to feel like you’re their coach and helping them navigate the problem and work through it. They’re coming to you for advice and they won’t. It won’t be like that if you do these seasons Wrong. And then you go from coaching 14 to 18 and then you become a mentor. Um, hopefully. Right. Hopefully they still want wisdom from you at least once in a while. Now, if you do a really good job, they become really strong, independent. They’re doing great. And they may not be asking you wisdom all the time, right? Because they’re doing great, but they’re going to come back and you’re going to have a unique, awesome relationship of almost, in a way, running the race together, actually, um, because they’re going to continue growing in wisdom and you’re growing in wisdom, and actually your kids will sharpen you more and more as you get older. I see that.

Happening. I see it.

Happening, too.

I medical freedom is something we all desire, and I think we’d all agree that in the last four years, we’ve really realized just how important it is to have a trusted, like minded doctor.

You should be able to build your medical team and choose who you get care from. Knowing that where you spend your money is a matter of stewardship and a desire to support local Christian medical businesses.

Absolutely.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer to help support businesses that have a biblical worldview on life and health.

Here’s the problem more often than not, you have to choose your doctor off a preferred in-network list. And if I’m really honest, those clinics usually see such mass quantities of people that it’s incredibly impersonal and you walk away feeling like a number. In addition, in most cases, in order to be seen by specialists, you’re required to get a referral from a primary care physician, which costs more time and money.

We want to introduce you to a biblical approach to health care. Samaritan Ministries. You can find out more about it at Samaritan Ministries. Dot org. Forward slash. Be courageous.

There are health sharing ministry built on biblical principles of bearing one another’s burdens practically, financially, through helping with health care costs and spiritually through praying and caring for one another.

Samaritan ministries gives you the freedom you desire to choose your doctors and health care professionals, including. This is cool alternative care providers like chiropractors and naturopathic providers as well.

The process is simple and provides us, as Christians, a way to obey Scripture and care for one another as the larger church.

Samaritan ministries is the only health caring, sharing ministry with direct member to member sharing.

I love that we send our monthly share directly to another brother or sister in Christ, to support someone going through a medical crisis or recovering from a medical need, rather than to some large corporation.

So if you’d like.

To find out more about Samaritan Ministries, go to Samaritan ministries.org/be courageous. That’s Samaritan ministries.org/be courageous. To learn more.

When you sign up don’t forget to tell them that be courageous mystery or Angie and Isaac Tolpin referred you.

The links will also be in our weekly podcast show notes at Be Courageous ministries.org.

I think there’s a need for parents to start recognizing that their kids can think, and that it’s a good thing when they do think it’s a good thing when they’re making wise decisions and that they need to be encouraged in those wise decisions to continue moving forward with faith that they can do that in the future. Um, but they also need the they need the coaching of when they come to you. Here’s the here’s the warning that I have for you. When they do come to you, if they come to you, Lord willing, they come to you. Don’t just give them your answer, but go. That’s a really good question. And you know, what I’ve learned is that the Lord actually has a really good answer for this. And you give them the answer that you sought out in Scripture. So you actually have to seek God out in Scripture for your answers so that you can say this when they’re older. But if you’re able to point them to the word, then what is that doing that points them to the ultimate wisdom? Over and over and over and over again. And then when they are older and they’re wanting mentoring, that’s what you’re doing with them, is you’re pointing them more and more to the Lord. And then when you’re not around, they’re not codependent on you. There strong in the Lord.

Another very important thing to start transitioning when that six ages 6 to 9, from directive to equipping and then from, you know, 14 on to coaching, you know, basically 12 on it looks like or something like that. Um, then what happens is, is when they ask you a question, you say, I have a thought on that for sure. We could even look at the Bible says, but I’d love to hear what you think first. And this gives you a unique opportunity for you then to support their idea. And that’s what you’re looking for. You’re looking to work that muscle of helping them build confidence in their decision making. And then maybe you add something on to it, or if it is a bad or if it is a bad idea, you can gently steer them in a new direction, but at least you’re helping them work that muscle. And I learned that in business, actually. And then I applied it to my parenting when I was younger, because I had so many people working for me that I was like, there’s no way I can do this and raise a big family. So I started going, well, tell me what you think. And my phone started ringing less all of a sudden because they became highly independent, strong, making good decisions, because I validated and I helped them think better. And that’s a great way to do that.

And that’s what you want.

For your kids, right? You want them to think better.

Yeah. And you want.

Them to go to the Lord also. Um, but you guys, you know, we we want to give you an unprecedented times tip in regards to don’t let your wounds become their wounds. And I would say, you know, that concept of hurt people, hurt people is only true if we don’t have Jesus. Um, and so don’t be a person that hurts other people because you’re not dealing with your past hurt. Be the person that chooses to look at the hurt straight in the eye. Engage and embrace and turn around and say, Lord Jesus, what did you have me to learn from this situation? Would you redeem it in my life and help me to comfort other people with the comfort you’ve given me. Help me not to pass this on to my family. Lord, I repent of this or I repent of that. And then ask somebody for accountability and prayer. And if you do those steps, I guarantee you you will be walking with so much less pressure on your shoulders because the those generational sins, if you will, those wounds, those are bondage that the enemy wants you to be in, that are going to isolate you, that are going to make you feel less than, and they’re going to affect your parenting. But God doesn’t want that for you. He can help you to overcome them, but you have to be willing to look at it and to learn from it and to give it to God all the way. And don’t take it back. Don’t don’t borrow troubles and don’t give. Say I want it back. Nope. You give it to the Lord and you give it to him for good. And you walk away from it with the new freedom.

And that’s how you have a new legacy. Thanks for joining us. See you.

Next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program where we cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom.

And Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age of 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

History.org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Welcome to the show! Hi guys. So glad you’re here. Talking about family culture meeting. Of course, this stands on its own, but this is also part of the previous two episodes. So if you haven’t listened to those, catch up on those after you listen to this.

That’s right. So the first one we talked about, recalibrating family culture. The second one, we talked about the date night. That’s super crucial as far as vision planning for your family and different things like that. We have some really awesome questions and kind of they’re kind of like an audit that you do as a couple.

Hey gents, I so hope you’re tuning in and listening to these three episodes. I think there’s a unique benefit that it’s a husband and wife team here talking about these things in the dynamics of biblical roles as well. So that’s.

Right. Yeah. So today we’re going to be talking about your family culture meeting. And so we’ll just kind of do a little bit of an overview on what is important before you do that, so that people who are just listening to this episode. Have that encouragement as well. Yeah. But before we do that, guys, we just want to say thank you and. Hey, it’s Merry Christmas. You could be listening at any time of the year, but it’s December right now in 2024. And this has just been super, super exciting. This week is actually our within. The next week is our anniversary of six years. We finally hit it.

Six year anniversary doing the podcast. Never missed a week. And of course there’s so much more to the ministry. There’s two other weekly shows, there’s five courses, there’s her book. There’s all kinds of free resources, free workshops. There’s the biblical parenting free download you can get Be Courageous Ministry. Org, there’s the effort to impact 10 million legacies. This year is the biggest podcast listenership year around the world, 194 countries. And we’re so thankful for what God is doing in the ministry. And our goal is to continue to steward it well with an aim towards that mission of impacting 10 million legacy, which we couldn’t do it alone. It’s everybody helping. In fact, there’s a vital fundraising effort right now that needs to be hit by year end. If you could go check out what the plans are for next year, what is important that needs to be money spent on and how you can help it. Be courageous ministry org that mean the world to us. Even if somebody’s giving $10 or, you know, $100 or $1000 or more, it all makes a difference. And there is a great need right there. And literally when you give, you’re saying, I want more people to understand how to be more intentional and biblically parent. I want more people to have thriving marriages. I want the next generation to rise up and not walk away from the faith at age 18, but instead embrace the baton and walk forward in strength and change the culture. What’s the biggest way to change the world?

Families? Next generation? It’s a big, big deal. That’s why we started this ministry was because we were trying to be purposeful in it. We wanted to run a race with other people like you that are like minded and intentional as parents. And so if you’ve been encouraged by the be Courageous ministry at all, we would love to hear from you as well. We we always like to update our website with new testimonials and to share. And so if you have a video testimony or even just a written one or a picture of your family at Christmas time so that we can be praying over your family, it always. I love getting pictures of of families because it’s like, wow, look at that. That’s the faces. That’s why we do what we do. Um, so thank you guys so much for joining us. Um, on the note of Christmas, would you guys like a couple ideas for, like, stocking stuffers? Because I just thought of a couple.

Oh, I bet you people are interested in that.

It’s interesting. So you had talked about, you know, if people, even people who give $10 a month or whatever, but even cheaper than that would be the Be Courageous app. And not only that is, it continues to support us once a month for about the same price as a coffee at like a local coffee shop. But what you get out of that is you get access to the Courageous Marriage series, which is basically a course six hours, six hours of content. You get access to the weekly heart of the home Bible studies with the Q&A, and there’s over 38 of those because we started last February. You get access to the audio book, video book reading of Redeeming Childbirth, which is 22 hours of video. That’s amazing. Plus, you get the kids podcast, which is 75 episodes your kids get to listen to to help provoke really powerful conversations. And so what you could do is you could get that as a stocking stuffer. That would be amazing. And then you also get something out of it. Another idea is we have the Christ centered Christmas mini course and book, which you can find on Be Courageous Ministry. Org. Um, but anyway, so we’re excited to be talking about family culture meeting today. Um, and before you prepare, before you get into the meeting, there’s some things you want to do to prepare for this meeting as a couple. One of the.

Most important things is, guys, you got to get Intel, and the person that has the Intel about the real culture of your family is your wife, and the culture is what actually is happening. The real behaviors, attitudes and norms. It’s not what you think and hope for. It’s not what you maybe tell your friend because you’re telling the best version of it. It’s what actually is. And when you really are honest about that, you can actually make improvement and your wife knows it best.

So here’s here’s the thing. I mean, I think I love that you’re saying your wife knows it best. I mean, that’s really what’s been happening, like in our experience over the last 25 years. But sometimes that doesn’t mean that dads aren’t in tune. I think you’re super in tune because you’re. You work from home. Yeah. Which you didn’t for the first 15 years that we were married. And so for those who have husbands who work away from the home, I would say, let’s just be honest. Yeah, it is definitely more true because mom just simply has more time with the kids. She sees them when they’re having a bad attitude about doing homework, for example. Right. And all that. The the different interactions between siblings, how they treat each other, their attitudes about technology or even just the way that they’re influenced and how they interact with their friends versus family members, like moms see that because it really breaks our heart when we see our kids like not being kind to one another or being mean to us. And so let’s just be honest about that aspect. But one of the things I wanted to bring up is that as a homeschool mom, maybe you’re a homeschool mom. You can relate to this. Maybe you are not a homeschool mom and you can relate to this.

But as a mom, that’s with our kids a lot during the day, I do see a lot of the attitudes, whether it’s I don’t want to do this homeschool work or I don’t want to do my homework or I don’t want with just this not now attitude of like trying to assert their independence and be in charge of their day, especially as they get older. I think that with little kids, it’s not something that’s as common, but when kids start to be in high school, It’s it’s a harder thing to navigate because you do want them to start, you know, experiencing being in control of their time and utilizing their time well and planning and and being a person of initiative. And as a mom, though, here’s the deal. When it comes down to it, the things that they are learning influence their attitude towards how they’re spending their time. Like I think of video games, I think of watching movies, I think of texting friends or, um, there’s just so many of these kinds of things I hear from other moms as they’re messaging us from the ministry, and they’re asking questions like, how do I shift the family culture? I think that my kids are starting to not they’re starting to be influenced into believing things that we as a married couple don’t actually agree with things like that they’re potentially becoming indoctrinated in, whether it’s because they go to a public school or because of their friends who go to a public school.

Right. And so one of those topics we’re talking about, family culture here. One of the topics that’s become a really widely known thing is CRT, right? And this whole social justice movement, and you even see it seeping into the church and a lot of things. And so one of the things I wanted to share with you guys today is actually a book called Woke Injustice by Brian Osborne. It’s published by New Leaf Publishing, which is master Books. Um, Ken Ham does the foreword. He says Wokeism and social justice are some of today’s pervasive false teachings that threaten the church. In this book, Brian has done a skillful job exposing this compromise and returning Christians to truth and authority in God’s Word. And as I was just reading through this book, it it it literally goes over like the eight core principles of CRT. If you’re not familiar with it, I think it would be a powerful book for parents to read to evaluate the family culture.

I think the enemy’s using the CRT as an assault on the next generation, because if the enemy can get them off in one area, that goes against biblical truth, then it’s easier to get them off in all of the areas, frankly. It’s like it’s like that, uh, yarn in a sweater that you pull or you just pull, and it just kind of unravels everything over time. And so it’s super important. I would get it. Um, where do they get it?

You know? Well, you can find it at Master Books.com. They have a ton of books there. And the reason why I’m bringing this up is because today we’re talking about family culture and the things that our kids believe actually either affect or infect your family culture. Like like this kind of a teaching. This is probably one of the the newest in the last five years that’s really become more, um, it’s widely accepted within America, but I think that it’s mainly getting fed through the public education system. And so, um, it’s it’s dangerous. You know, this book actually says, what is CRT? It says it’s a new variation of atheistic, anti-Christian Marxism. Okay. So where does Marxism come from? Ultimately, it’s an offshoot of the religion of humanism, an ideology that places its focus on and supreme faith in humanity. So obviously, as believers, this is not something that we we believe in. But what’s really cool about Brian’s book is that he brings in a lot of scripture that debunks all of the eight core principles. And so the reason why I’m highlighting this is because what like as you’re evaluating and you’re doing your preparatory meeting as a couple, right? Which is what we’re talking about. Right. Like prepare for the meeting as a couple. When a wife sees an attitude and she’s not familiar with like what CRT is, maybe. But maybe the husband is for him to be in tune with what’s happening in the world and the different agendas and false teachings that are happening as the protector, which you’re so good at, like you’re just so aware of, like, what are the agendas that are being pushed on the culture in America today? And how do parents like combat that? Right. Well, like if, if, if husbands and wives were able to be tag teaming, and the wife is like, I’m going to take on my role of being observant of what are the heart attitudes. I’m going to bring them to my husband. And then the husband was like taking on his role of protector and going, that is a trademark of this. So now we need to educate our kids on this.

Biblically, I would say an artful protector. You can’t just lay down the law. You have to educate and influence towards what’s true. And that’s super important. But where do they find this so we.

Can move on? Well, yeah, I mean they can find it at Master Books.com forward slash courageous. Just go there. You can click on their menu. They have a bunch of other books which I would I would say like I do think that there are so many good resources depending on what the cultural issue is. I’m just using this as an example. Whatever the cultural issue is in your kids, that they’ve maybe started believing because of the influences. Grab a book. Um, Master Books has so many options. Grab a book and as a couple either read it or read it with your family, like at dinner time, and go through one chapter. Or there are so many ways that you could be teaching this, but it reminds me of the scripture of having an answer for why you believe the things that you believe. And we’ve done that over the years regarding like evolutionism versus creationism, right?

Yeah. So maybe, maybe we’ll invite him on the show. He looks like a great author. Great person for sure. This is because you don’t want to let the enemy seep into your culture. And you might be like, I just got a few little kids right now. You know, this is important for you to know because these things don’t just go away. They fester and grow. And and it’s important that we have an answer. And more important, it’s important that your children have an answer and that you’re ahead of it. You’re not addressing things. Once the problem exists, you’re ahead of things proactively parenting, educating on things they’re going to come in face with so that they’re not left vulnerable. They have an answer. They have a way to confront what’s coming at them now. It’s never too late. If you already have teenagers and your oldest is already kind of leading the family in some ways you don’t like, you need to work on that with them. We could do a whole episode on that, but at the same time, it’s never too late and you can talk to them about how influential they are. We get so, so as you. So just last a little overview. You and your your bride need to decide before the meeting. So we’re talking about leading up to a meeting with your family to decide what changes occur. If you just have littles then you’re just you are the meeting. Yeah, you guys are going to have a meeting, right? But if you have children old enough to start, you know, thinking about how they want to improve their year, which I would say, what age can they start doing that?

You know, I think we started with some of the kids, even at age five, where maybe they weren’t able to write paragraphs yet. Right, because they’re learning how to read or even seven, depending on the kids. Right. Um, but I found that, um, in our family, the culture is, is that most of the little kids, they want to be big, like the older kids. And so while Zander was, he was two, he wasn’t really even aware of what we were doing. He would sit there and he wanted a piece of paper, and he wanted a pencil, and he just drew scribbles, right? Because he was two. And this year I have a feeling he’s gonna be like, I want a, I want it, I want, you know, because he’s so demanding and wants to be big all the time. And so all of the kids have had that, whether they were three, 4 or 5. And so even just taking five minutes to talk to your kids and help them with the projects we’re going to go through with you guys, it makes them feel so powerful and so big and important within your family.

So it really is all ages. And, you know, children rise to the level of responsibility you give them. And so they’re in our home. I feel like they they rise up pretty fast because they’re always included in most things. And I think that we respect their intelligence and they rise up because of that. So, um, so yeah, decide what changes need to occur as a married couple before you do this meeting, decide on the culture, driving statements and words that you’re going to do. Maybe one, two, three of these culture driving statements we mentioned in previous episodes, like, you know, be generous or Eagles, not seagulls or, you know, producers versus consumers or some of the tolpin, um, you know, key statements we’ve used that have really driven our culture that impact a lot of different areas. So listen to the last episode on that. Um, but yeah, that’s that’s so important. And Proverbs six six through eight, it says, go to the ant, O sluggard, consider her ways and be wise. Without having any chief officer or ruler. She prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.

So it’s interesting, you know, they’re talking about a she ant, a female ant, but really it’s for all of us, right? To to look at that as an example and go, we should be planning ahead. Yeah. You know, it reminds me of Proverbs 31 where it says she laughs at the days to come. Right. But why does she laugh at the days to come? She doesn’t just laugh at the days to come because she’s unprepared. It’s because she’s prepared that she’s laughing at the days to come. If you read all of the verses before that, she’d been working diligently. She trusts in the Lord. She doesn’t fear circumstances, but she also takes responsibility and is a hard worker because that’s a biblical thing. And she’s following the example of the ant, right? And so it’s this beautiful perspective of when we are doing what God has made us to do, which is to work. Mhm. Right. And we take delight in that. Then we’re able to trust him and just give God the rest. Sometimes we can’t do it all so.

Absolutely. So this meeting dads we’ve got to facilitate this meeting I think that women can be a great encouragement. I believe women are unbelievably capable in running this meeting. Unbelievably ready to do so. Probably excited to do so. Maybe more so sometimes. But I really believe God put in men this inner desire and kind of responsibility to lead, even if we’re not leading, even if we don’t know how, even if you know we’re feeling down and don’t really aren’t motivated to do so, deep down we do kind of have that feeling. And so what happens when our wife does something that we deep down know we should be doing is it’s even more demotivating. And I’m not saying that as to discourage anything. I’m just sharing what’s real.

You know, it’s interesting that you said, I’m really glad you said it, because when you first started, I started thinking about the dynamics of when a woman leads, and I was going to share something similar, which is that in if you were to observe in situations where a woman is leading or teaching, a lot of times men, some men do shut down. Now, is that something that they need to work on? Yeah, for sure. That is a sin. Like, why is it that they wouldn’t be?

I think we’re talking about two things a wife versus out there.

Right, right. Right, right. But there should be good clear communication between a couple. Right. But in like just I’m just using that as an example. But when a man leads, it doesn’t shut down women. Women pay attention. Still like there’s just there is a there is something wire wiring wise that God has put inside men and women. And we’re just different. We’re literally wired differently. Women have no problem being led by men, but there is something dynamically that can, with a lot of guys, it just because they know that they’re called to do it. That’s part of their.

Journey in the marriage, in the marriage relationship. And I want to just speak to the other for a second, since we’re talking about this, is that I can go to a conference and listen to a woman speaking about something and learn fervently and be excited about learning from them. Yeah, I think there’s a big difference in that and in the marriage relationship. Whereas deep down, when God designed a marriage a certain way, and even if it’s not coming out that way in life right now, it doesn’t mean that inside he didn’t at the core, didn’t make a man to know that he’s supposed to do that. And if he’s not doing it, yes, somebody needs to lead. I understand that statement. Somebody needs to lead. But the fastest way to hurt the current condition even more is for the wife to completely take over.

To be overbearing or bulldoze the husband.

So there is a there is. This could be a whole separate episode. Probably should be. But don’t bulldoze your husband.

That would be a great.

But there is a way, and I’ve seen Angie do this with me. There is a way to get the guy’s attention in a way that they start to lead and they start to do these things, and I think encouragement is needed. The greatest encourager in my life is my wife and if she didn’t encourage me, but instead just did everything, it would be a big hit on my masculinity that God gave me. It’s good masculinity that God gave me. Which part of that is to lead in my family? And so but I had to navigate this. I had to learn this, and I didn’t see this. So it’s important that we don’t use that as an excuse that we rise up instead. And here’s an opportunity to do this. And you don’t have to do it exactly how we’re talking about. But to do this and to lead in some ways, and even if guys aren’t that super gregarious leader in society and in what they’re doing for work and things like that and their personality, that doesn’t matter at all. What matters is initiative. So I think leadership in a marriage, a lot of it is about initiative. It doesn’t mean you’re doing the most talking even. It’s just about taking initiative, being thoughtful in moving things forward in a positive direction and facilitating. So that’s the word we used facilitate. Dads need to facilitate this meeting. It doesn’t mean even mean you’re talking the most.

Not necessarily. I mean in some of the meetings too, what’s been really cool about it is that you get when you get dad doing this, first of all, where he’s facilitating the meeting, there’s an opportunity for dad to highlight the importance of mom’s influence, leadership or authority in the home during the day because he’s gone. And if if you have run or set up your marriage to where dad is, the the the headship, which is biblical, but there’s this like spectrum of how far couples have to take things. Right. And you want to be on the biblical road, and there’s ditches on either side right where you have, like feminism would be one ditch where there’s like the woman’s wearing the pants. I’ll just say that would be like far in ditch.

Modern feminism. Right.

And then you’ve got the other end of the ditch where it’s like a lording over husbands or harsh. The women are not even, like, aware of what’s happening with banking. And there’s just like this extreme. I’m in control of everything. I’m the one kind of headship. Right? And in those kinds of situations, what happens when the dad is at work, then there’s literally no leadership happening in the home if there isn’t a mutual respect and a valuing of the wife as a co-leader in the home. And so I bring that up because it changes the dynamics when you’re running any family meeting. Yeah, we’re talking about a family culture meeting here because you’re wanting to like think about growth for the next year. But any family meeting for there to be okay, dad is facilitating the meeting and he’s the leader of the home. But he values mom and he wants to hear from her, and he values her and he brings her into it. And it’s different than if a woman is forcing her way. I’m just going to put it that way. Forcing her agenda of we need a mission statement as a family, and we need to do family visioning. And and the guy is not really into it. And the woman’s push and push and pushing and the kids are sitting there and they’re like, this is boring. And they’re not like into it because dad’s not into it. Like, how can a mom lead something to have the kids into it if the dad’s not into it?

Part doesn’t work. And part of my goal as a leader and facilitator is to bring her voice out and validate that voice in front of the children, because I want them to listen to that voice all day long, every day. And if you don’t understand that concept, if you’re not, if you as a dad, are not tuned in to what she’s saying and then trying to bring her voice out and then backing it up, yeah, then you are.

Destroying.

Your family.

Actually, actually, the family culture. Yeah. And so when your wife comes to you saying with the Intel, let’s go back a couple of seconds. If she comes to you saying the kids just won’t listen to me. I feel so disrespected or anything around that, right? Like I say the same thing three times and they’re not hearing me. Okay, so here’s the deal. We know that attitude reflects leadership. So first off, as the head of the household, like I would think this way I would go I always go, okay, are they mimicking me? Are they seeing me not listening to her and are. And if that’s not the case then it’s like go to the oldest kid or the most influential leader out of the children and and ask yourself, are they listening to mom? Yes. And if they’re not, then it’s likely that the other kids are following suit. They’re following the leader of the home. Right.

So that’s what you have to fix. You have to fix whoever is older. That’s not including dad. That’s not listening to mom, right. Because that creates weakness. It breaks the influence of mom. And mom needs to have an extraordinary amount of influence.

Well, because when you think about it, at the end of the day, after you get through all of the things we’re going to talk about, who’s going to be implementing during the day while dad’s at work?

Yeah. You want to implementation game plan, make sure your wife is revered and respected.

So because if you if you like, go, oh well, let’s be more generous. Let’s just use that example because we’ve talked about that a couple times in past two previous podcasts. There was a year that we were really focused on generosity, and that was one of our word initiatives. Well, that might be great if dad’s like, gung ho and like, yeah, our family needs to stop being so selfish. We need to be more generous with our time, with our money, with our resources, with our hearts. And he’s all into it. And he leads this meeting. But he does not elevate the influence and authority of the wife. It’s not going to happen, right? It’s literally not going to happen. Because what she leads is the rubber meets the road in the family culture. That’s true because every day you can.

Never drive forward a culture unless it’s key levers, and the essence of it is communicated consistently over and over and over and over and over again. So a meeting is useless unless there’s a commitment to back it and communicate about it often. And so that will never happen if that happens. Right. So so it is really, really important. So you have decided what your culture driving statements and words are. And then you have this meeting and dad’s facilitating. And um, you know, I think that what’s really important is everybody comes with something to write on. So a journal that could be a Christmas gift to get people’s journals.

In fact, the best journals are the Growth Roots journals, which go to Growth Roots Company online. You can find them on Instagram. She has a big sale going right now, but you can use courageous for 20% off. So we do that every year with her. That’s great. I love that we absolutely we’ve been friends. Yeah.

And their journals happen to be the best.

And Christian believers and.

They they’re organized in a neat way. I use them for giving sermons and.

For preparing Bible studies as well as journaling and organization. Yeah. And my calendar.

They didn’t ask us to do this. We’re not getting paid to do this, but we just really appreciate them. Yeah. Okay. So you got your journals and your rating things 1 to 10. So what are the areas of life? We listed a whole bunch in the last episode, but let’s just go over some basic ones. Spiritual projects. Relationships. Health. Education.

Finances.

Finances.

Projects.

Goals. So there’s some we’ll leave it at that. There’s even more an expanded list in the last episode, but you don’t need the expanded list. Too many Things isn’t good. You want to find 6 to 8 categories that kind of cover most things, and there’s a pretty good list right there. So. So when you have that, uh, personal development is one I always make sure is on there too, by the way. Um, because I count that as different than spiritual. There’s spiritual. And then the other areas we want to grow in skill set knowledge. Yes. Um, personal development experiences, things like that. Okay.

Give the gift of music this holiday season with Wartburg Music Academy’s gift card. Christmas special. Instead of learning music in isolation, Wartburg Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my Code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin and ukulele for less than $30 a month. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, students are given accountability, performance opportunities, seasonal challenges like the December Jingle Jam Challenge, live feedback from their instructor, and printables to help them stay on track. The Vote Berg method approaches music a little bit differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down and practice. With by ear training and song based learning, students will see immediate results. They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the Vote Berg methods. Rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep. Use my code courageous to get 20% off every month. Your family is enrolled. Go visit vote Berg music Academy.com. I’m not naturally artistic, at least not in the fine art sense. So when my kids showed early on that they loved art, I wanted to nurture that creativity. That’s why we love creating a masterpiece. Their award winning art programs are for everyone ages four ish through 104. Plus, your family gets to practice drawing, using watercolors, charcoal sculpting, painting, and so much more. And the best part? You get to do it all together. Building relationships, making memories, and letting creativity grow. Visit Creating a masterpiece.com/courageous to sign up for one low rate for your entire family that’s creating a masterpiece.com/courageous because anyone can create a masterpiece.

So you have those and you have everybody rate this last year and this is prior to the meeting. Right. So this is kind of the homework leading up to the meeting.

Right. So you have like a maybe a family morning meeting or a nighttime meeting and you say, hey, this week, can you guys please do this? And you remind them every day, if you have a family business center where you have a board like a dry erase board, you could put it on there. Just a reminder, make sure you rate last year’s rate, all these sections and you write them down so that they can do that in their journal.

And there’s certain kids you’re going to follow up with. You’re going to sit next to them. You’re helping them do it.

Especially I would say under ten for sure. You want to sit and help them over ten. They should be able to do it because they’ve been doing it for at least in our family. They’ve been doing it for a couple years. Um, and for those kids that maybe this is the first year that you’re doing this with, you may have to sit with everybody and just do it together before you have a meeting, because otherwise it’ll make the meeting way too long.

So there’s a couple of ways people are motivated, really three ways. The most important way is being compelled by God, right. The Holy Spirit in us, compelling us in a direction that’s the most important. But the reality is people are also motivated by pain and they’re also motivated by pleasure. And those are two key core motivators that motivate people. So when they’re evaluating the previous year, there’s going to be some pain potentially in some areas that wake people up and then there’s going to be the pleasure. Things like, I’d really love to save this much money or do these things because that gives me some freedom or enables me to buy my first car, right? These kinds of things. And that’s like a motivation and a pleasure way. But then there’s like, ooh, I gained all this weight or I am out of shape or whatever it is that’s a pain in sight. And so those insights help us, and then we should pray and ask God for what we want and ultimately be driven by what God wants us to do. Um, but those those are things. So that’s why this is so powerful. If you miss this step, there’s not a lot of motivation, or there might be a misfire in articulating the ratings for what we want in the new year.

That’s right. So just to reiterate, this little assignment is something you give your kids before you actually have your family culture meeting. That’s like a longer meeting that we’re going to walk you guys through. Another thing that you need to do pre that family culture meeting is that on your date night, we talked more in depth in the very last episode of the podcast, which was all about the date night, but you guys need to have already decided what changes need to occur, and you need to already have decided on what your culture, driver statement, or words are going to be. And so then you move into the assignment with the kids and having them rate, and then you set a date for when you’re going to do this fun family culture meeting, and you want to hype it up with the kids and be like, this is going to be so exciting, you guys. And maybe you make it special by making popcorn. I mean, one year I had popcorn with nutritional yeast. I had all these different flavors of popcorn on the main table, and we sat around, we all snacked and and we talked and.

And make sure there’s no time restrictions on it. Like we’re going to get this done in an hour and then we’re going to do this. That would be failure from the beginning. Yeah, this takes time. I mean, I don’t know, we spent four hours.

One well, we have a very large family. The longest meeting we had was when we had eight kids at home. And I would say seven of them were over 8 or 6 of them were over eight. Yeah. And so, yeah, we stopped for lunch.

We’ve even done it over a couple days before.

Yeah, yeah. Where we’ll do like 2 or 2 hours and then we’ll come back and do another two hours. And I would say that when you’ve done it multiple years. So like there’s the first year family culture meeting, which is super fun and exciting. And if you have little kids again, what like Isaac said, this is actually just like you could even just do a second date night to have your family culture meeting and figure out what words you’re going to focus on personal growth like initiatives and spiritual growth initiatives for you as a couple. Um, and you move forward. Right? And then once your kids start getting a little bit older and you start involving them in the process. Then you have like a previous year that you can look back on, and that changes the beginning of your meeting, right? Because the beginning of your meeting, if you’ve done it before with your kids, something that’s super fun is to pull up the year’s previous goals and have everyone participate in encouraging and exhorting that person. Because remember, they they’re sitting in the meeting, they’ve already rated last year’s goals or they’ve rated their their sections of their how how was I in spiritual growth this year? Hey, by the way.

Very important on that is dads take a picture of everybody’s journal when they’re done. If you don’t do that, you’ll never find that one couple of their journals again. It’ll be missing.

Another tip would be as soon as you take a picture of it to make a little album, if you’re using a smartphone, you can just make an album in your photos that say, 2023 Goals, family goals for the year.

And what’s part of your leadership is to remind people the things they want so they can move towards them. And you have little reminders because you have a picture for each person in your family.

Usually like for us, it’s not just a December thing, right? Like we started these podcast episodes in November before Thanksgiving with you guys, because it’s important to start recalibrating then, because this is a process. It’s not too late, but I will say, yeah, but you can do this any time. But I will say taking the pictures. One thing that’s super cool about it is when you’re on a date or you’re hanging out with that one kid and it’s like, June. Yeah, or May.

How’s this going?

August? You can go, hey, you had a goal of blah, blah, blah, blah. How’s that going? Right. And then they’re like, whoa, you remembered that? And even like, if you’re out to lunch with them, you can pull it up and go deeper with them again, one or 2 or 10 times a year, depending on, you know, how focused you are. And that teaches your kids the it’s giving them the habit and training them in the muscle of. I made this commitment to myself and I need to a rethink about that. I need to recommit or oh yeah, I did, and I don’t want to be feeling bad in two months. I, you know, I.

Just want to say something that sometimes when the way we’ve grown up or we’ve been trained or the way we live life, we miss out on a unique opportunity to be a dream leader, a dream manager, if you will. As a dad, and you know, sometimes we just gravitate towards what’s practical, okay, get a good job and pay the bills and there’s nothing wrong with that. That is honorable. That is incredible. That is important. But when they’re young, I think it’s important to help them dream about the things they want and move towards those based on the uniqueness that God made them versus the experience that God has given us. A lot of times we mix that up and we go, God has given me this experience at work, so now I’m going to influence them to do to have that same experience in life and do it the same way. And that might work sometimes, but it might not. And the sad thing is, you might get somebody, your son or in a direction or a daughter in a direction. That is not the way God wired them. And there could have been something even better for them to pursue and do get experience in. But you may have stifled that. Even though they’re saving money, they’re successful, but you may have stifled maybe even a better direction that could have been. And I just want to warn you in that, that our experiences don’t have to be our children’s experiences because they’re wired very differently, and God might have a different call for them.

And also, if you grew up not ever thinking like this, or in a family that was driving family culture or even holding people accountable to bad attitudes, can I just say that like, and you’re maybe first generation? I really hope that you guys recognize that you are not limited by your experiences of what you did watch or did witness or didn’t witness. Instead, as parents, we all have a responsibility to just keep growing. And these are things that, as we’ve been seeking the word and we’ve been just desiring more of God in all areas of our life, we just have desired more, more growth in all areas of our life. And so and that’s really the way of the Christian right, is to to be content with what God has given you, but not be so content that you’re, um, you’re disabled, right? No, he wants us to be content with what we have, but pushing towards the goal, running our race, and living on purpose for him.

And you want to prevent any negative attitudes that develop upon rating the previous year. And Philippians four is your place. That is your go to place. Philippians four six. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And then I’m going to continue a little bit. Finally, finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there’s anything worthy of praise, think about these things. So it can be very easy to go into a negative. Even for you yourself, you might be very discouraged about parts of this year and you had wishes for things to be better. Meditate on Philippians four six through eight, six through nine and really meditate your heart on that, because that will pull you out of it. We have to be mature enough to do this and not get negative. Yeah. Okay. And you’re going to teach this is important thing for your children to to teach that we’re not going to get negative. Maybe you read the scripture to them and we’re going to be positive. We’re going to be articulate. It’s okay to have areas to grow. Nobody’s perfect. That’s why we need Jesus. Right? So we’re all on a journey and be okay with the journey you’re on. But let’s make the journey even better. And that’s what this is about. And so, so in the meeting now, you’re going to encourage everybody to identify the areas of opportunity for growth.

And so now they’re going to take each of those categories. They’re rated on this year in 2024. And they’re going to maybe write each of those categories on a journal. And they’re going to write 1 to 3 areas that they want to improve under that category. So if it’s financial, maybe each of your kids have a savings, a giving and a savings goal for the year making, giving, saving. And that would be fantastic, right? If you want them to grow up and learn to be financially solvent and capable and understanding of in a biblical way of finances, that’s a wonderful area to work on. Um, so do that for all the areas. And you might go, Isaac, that’s a lot of stuff. You know, even if they never look at their journal again for the entire year, there is power in writing things down. I know that I’ve had children that literally didn’t look at it again for the entire year, and we looked at it once the year was over and almost all of them happened. That has happened before. Yeah. That’s true. And so there is there’s something about intentions are good enough sometimes. Meaning when you write that down and your mind went through it, you start to move in those directions, even if you don’t revisit it or even remember, you couldn’t recite all those things on the page. But how did they happen? It’s because we move sometimes in our daily decisions in the direction of our overall intentions. So it’s powerful.

Yeah. So the next thing that is my favorite part of the family meeting is when each person presents to the family, their goals or their ratings. And this is the deal. So when you there’s two different times of presentation, right where they’re sharing how they rated themselves. And the reason why that’s one of my favorites is because we’re all our own worst critic. And the truth is, is that everybody generally is pretty honest about the reality of how they are with people relationally when they’re, you know, evaluating relationships, when they’re evaluating their finances, when they’re evaluating their health, when they’re they’re pretty honest about those things. But then here’s the cool part. When you’re living in close proximity with family who loves you and they’re like, whoa, wait a second, you’re being too harsh on yourself. I actually think that I would have given you a seven, not a three. Or, you know, there have been certain situations like that and you see that kid be like, oh, and then they give their why why they would have rated them higher. And they’re like, oh yeah, that’s true. I didn’t think of myself that way or I forgot about that or you know, and it’s super encouraging, super helpful. Because the truth is, is generally speaking, most of us don’t rate ourselves high enough. And so that provides an opportunity for family to come alongside and be that iron sharpens iron in like, well actually you did this to so even bump yourself up one point and it’s like way better, right?

It ends up being an encouraging thing we.

Found super cool. But then the other thing is, when they’re doing the second part of the presenting where they’re sharing about what their new goals are, then there’s accountability throughout the year, potentially. Right. Especially if it’s brought up multiple times as a family. And that is really where the rubber meets the road, because all of us need community. We all need each other. We forget about things sometimes. And so being able to just point back to, well, you had a goal of then it’s not like you’re telling them what to do. You’re reminding them of something they said they wanted to do, which is totally different. And they’re like, oh yeah.

A lot of times people just we just took you through a process. I’ve taken companies through this process before. Right? This is so powerful because a lot of times, the key result areas that you want to focus on just are you just come up with them, but instead you want to reverse engineer it. And that’s what we just taught you to do, which is to start with all the areas to to improve. And if you look at the previous episode two, we start actually with all the areas we love, because that’s really important to start with gratitude, all the things that are going well and then all the areas to improve, and then you come up with the levers, the key statements, three areas. And what you’re coming up with is things that impact this big list of things to improve. So one thing here, the impact six of those over here, because we can only actually focus on a few things to create change. And that’s part of why I think a lot of these things happen, is because the distilling process, down to what are the few things that drive all the things, and that’s what you want to help your children come up with. And maybe after they present you all help them together, or that’s something the prep before they present that they come up with. And then you hone it in together and encourage them. And then they have their one, two, three things, key things that they’re going to focus on. It could be like, I really want to read through the Bible this year and grow spiritually. Well, how many things on that list is that going to impact? Um, massive.

Everything with your little kids. Maybe it’s that they want to learn how to read so that they can read their Bible on their own, so they can read letters from mom and dad on their own. Right? Like, and if you need motivation for your kids to learn how to read, actually, that probably is a really good idea. I just thought of that. Like if you as a parent wrote your kids a letter and they couldn’t read it and you were like, oh, well, then maybe you need to save it till you can read it because it’s really special. So and then it’s like a motivation, right?

So the parents present to you by the way I present and Angie does. Everybody gets the same treatment and we do that and we do it all the way through the three year old presents. He might not have much to say.

I want to, I don’t know, I want to ride a bike this year or I don’t know. There’s I remember when Zander was two, he was pretty talkative and he was like, I’m going to wear big boy pants cause he was gonna get potty trained.

Of course you were encouraging him beforehand.

Like, do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? He’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. So good, so good.

So really fun. But you know, I think speaking to the family initiatives is the next part. And that’s really a mom and dad thing. And so this is a big opportunity to bring in Scripture. Yeah. To really say if maybe, maybe one of your family word initiatives is honor and I’ll be I’ll just share transparently that that’s one of the words that’s just been kind of coming up in my mind lately has just been honor. Are we honoring one another in the way we’re speaking to one another? Are we honoring God in the things that we’re doing? Honor. Just just honor. And when you think about that word and you start studying honor and all the times it’s mentioned in Scripture, it’s actually really powerful. And so you could even do this as, like, you could you could stop right there and say, okay, we’re going to finish up at dinner time, or we’re going to finish this the next day, and that’s it. Like depending on how many kids you have and how long your meetings gone, that would be a good break time. Um, that’s where we’ve done our break, is then bringing in the initiatives, and then dad will look up some scriptures and he’ll prepare a little teaching on that word, on whatever it is, like we’re going to be, um, or a mission that you as a family have. One year we had we shared with you guys last year, one year we had producers versus consumers. And so he explained, so that even the little kids understood that that meant we’re we’re just not going to be people who sit around and watch things very often. We want to we want to be learning and creating things and not just constantly watching things.

Something I will tell the kids in that vein is like, you’re all artists now. A lot of times you think of an artist as someone that just draws pictures or paintings or sculpts and things like that. No, God has given each of you unique gifts and talents, and it’s your job to explore those and develop in which direction you are an artist and your art is important to this world, and you’re cultivating that, and you can’t cultivate that. You’re going to get hurt and moved away from your real art if you’re just watching everybody else’s art all the time.

You know, what’s interesting is the year that we did I’m thinking about the year that we did the producers versus consumers. One of the things that I noticed with the kids was that that was the year that they started getting out that really old video camera, and they started dressing up and making their home movies. It’s true. And so we had this big barn on our on the property, and they would do cowboy western movies and they would dress up in their cowboy outfit.

Look up the taupin’s on YouTube.

Oh my goodness. And you’ll find it funny. It’s so funny.

It’s not even on our ministry YouTube channel. Actually, I.

Think they’re on my courageous mom. Yeah, one. But but yeah, they’re really old. You have to scroll way, way, way, way, way down to the very first videos that were uploaded. You’ll search it, but it was family vlog. So Taupin Family Vlog, I think is what it was. And they were actually edited by Austin back when he was like 13, 14 years old. Um, and so anyway, it just really funny, the really archaic technology that we were using back then. But hey, you guys like that year was really heavy for those kinds of creative projects. They made many of those. They made a Star Wars one on the trampoline and they’re fighting and it’s so funny. Megan’s Princess Leia, and she has her hair in buns and it’s, you know, just I look back at that and I go, just that one phrase said over and over and over again, look at what the focus was in that year. And it actually does reflect what your focus is. Yeah. And then like the year that we were focused on generosity, there was a lot more projects in the community that we did and a lot of like searching out people in need and searching out ways that we can serve. And and so it’s just interesting. So I share that with you.

And now we see everybody loving church at Thanksgiving, by the way. We went around and everybody shared what they’re thankful for. And was it? 3 or 4 of the kids said they’re thankful for the new church and how they love helping.

You know, and what’s interesting is, um.

Medical freedom is something we all desire. And I think we’d all agree that in the last four years, we’ve really realized just how important it is to have a trusted, like minded doctor.

You should be able to build your medical team and choose who you get care from. Knowing that where you spend your money is a matter of stewardship and a desire to support local Christian medical businesses.

Absolutely. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to help support businesses that have a biblical worldview on life and health.

Here’s the problem more often than not, you have to choose your doctor off a preferred in-network list. And if I’m really honest, those clinics usually see such mass quantities of people that it’s incredibly impersonal and you walk away feeling like a number. In addition, in most cases, in order to be seen by specialists, you’re required to get a referral from a primary care physician, which costs more time and money.

We want to introduce you to a biblical approach to health care. Samaritan Ministries you can find out more about it at Samaritan ministries.org/be courageous.

There a health sharing ministry built on biblical principles of bearing one another’s burdens practically, financially, through helping with health care costs and spiritually through praying and caring for one another.

Samaritan ministries gives you the freedom you desire to choose your doctors and health care professionals, including. This is cool alternative care providers like chiropractors and naturopathic providers as well.

The process is simple and provides us, as Christians, a way to obey Scripture and care for one another as the larger church.

Samaritan ministries is the only health care and sharing ministry with direct member to member sharing.

I love that we send our monthly share directly to another brother or sister in Christ to support someone going through a medical crisis or recovering from a medical need, rather than to some large corporation.

So if you’d like to find out more about Samaritan Ministries, go to Samaritan ministries.org forward slash be courageous. That’s Samaritan ministries. Org forward slash be courageous. To learn more.

When you sign up don’t forget to tell them that be courageous mystery or Angie and Isaac Tolpin referred.

You. The links will also be in our weekly podcast show notes at Be Courageous ministries.org.

I think that the last two years, one of the phrases that they’ve heard a lot was love Christ’s bride. That terminology of we’re going to love the.

Church of Christ.

We’re going to love the church. We are going to love the Bride of Christ over and over and over again. They’ve heard that terminology, whether it was having people over and just talking about church or whatever it is. And so I think that there’s something to be said for how that has been nurtured and played out in how we’re living our lives now.

Your words are powerful, and what you repeat has so much influence. And so you want to carefully craft those levers and key statements and say them over and over again. And unless you intrinsically believe them, unless they’re said and written down and decided in a way that you would communicate them. You’re not going to. It’s what gets repeated over and over and over and over again. And if you do repeat the same things that matter and are meaningful and impact most of the areas that you want to improve in your family and your family culture, over time, you’re going to see an abundance of good change. God is going to get Ahold of that right here in Proverbs 21 five. It says the plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance. But everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. I think families are way too busy and way too hasty in how they come up with these things and how they talk about these things, and there’s lack of follow through, and there’s a lack of real thoughtfulness and planning and strategy and marriage alignment and all these things. And we just encourage you to move in this direction, because when, when each kid presents, when they write things down and they orate from their mouth in front of the people they love and care about the most. Talk about a powerful experience to motivate them to really want to follow through and do these things, and you’re there to help them along the way.

You know, it’s interesting, this this scripture that you were talking about, the plans of the diligent surely lead to abundance. But everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. And, you know, it’s talking about like like.

Spiritual and financial.

You’re talking about real financial. Actually, if you continue reading, it talks about treasures, you know, not gaining things by lying tongue and, and all of these different things. But but here’s the deal. Spiritually though, like, are you is your family spiritually abundantly wealthy or is your family spiritually poor? And is there a poverty in family relationships and lacking connectedness and and enjoying one another and, and all of that kind of stuff? And, and I would say that it takes a lot of work. Can I just say it takes being diligent. This scripture is totally true because the plants of the diligently lead surely to abundance. So when you plan to have that family Thanksgiving meal and you’re working hard to provide a good meal for people to be. Able to sit and share together. And it’s a lot of work, especially as you get a bigger family. This last week we we celebrated Thanksgiving a week later. So on Friday it was on Friday and we had 16 of us because my mom was visiting and our family’s just continuing to grow, right? We only have two of nine kids married. Imagine what it’s going to be like when they’re all married and they all have kids. It’s exciting to think about, and I’m definitely not going to be able to be doing it on my own. And I’m thankful when Kelsey brings roles and when Megan makes pie and and when Caroline brings a salad and like, it helps take that that hard, hard work.

But we plan and we’re diligent and we all worked hard to get there to meet together. We had to all arrange our schedules so that it worked, and those who are diligent in pursuing relationships will have better relationships, and those who aren’t will have poor relationships. And you want your kids to grow up and pursue having relationships with one another. But here’s the deal. They’re their own people. You can’t make them get it. You can’t make people understand that investing in relationship is where you’re actually poor or wealthy. But really, at the end of the day, it’s relationships that are. It’s the relationships that lead to the eternal things in life, not the things of this world. And so working hard to, you know, be able to afford time to be able to be together, it takes diligence to prioritize that and even finding time to do a family meeting like this. It takes diligence. It takes a certain kind of like valuing the impact that a meeting like this can have on your family culture, to make a man get motivated to go, I’m going to plan this. We’re going to do this. I’m going to I’m going to assign the kids to rate themselves a week ahead of time. We’re going to figure out our words. We’re going to like it.

Take my wife out on a date and talk about this like it takes.

Understanding the importance and valuing family culture, and acknowledging that you actually have a choice in what your family culture is.

And I just want to say that I sit down as, as a, as a husband and with my journal, and I don’t just think of producers versus consumers quickly. I just want to make sure everybody understands that.

It’s not that we’re clever. And I come to us.

I write things and I work on it. And guys, if you want a real process, I do go to the Art of Clear Thinking on the Resolute Man podcast, because you can journal and you can work a problem with God’s help. And over time, it’s just amazing how something just really clever, really cool, and just hits with the family needs comes about. And then I run it by my wife and we talk about it, and sometimes she comes up with one like the be generous one. And then we talk about it and it’s just a wonderful thing to do together. So in unprecedented times tip Unprecedented times. It is more important than ever that your family know how to get focused on the right things. When there’s so much confusion in so many things, trying to get them unfocused. The enemy is the scheme of confusion going on in society, and when your kids launch, that scheme of confusion is going to be greater with technology and all the ways that that messaging can come at us. And so it’s more important than ever that your kids know how to cut through it with their focus in the areas that God wants them to make progress in and to do and to do their art that’s meaningful, that contributes to society.

Yeah. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us for today’s podcast. Just a reminder that the previous two episodes also talk about family culture, and they dive more into the things that we just barely touched on, like the date night and stuff like that. So we’re praying for you guys for this. Next year is coming right around the corner. Thank you so much for joining us, and we’ll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous.

Mom and Isaac from Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the show. We’re so glad you’re here. Hey guys, hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving. And if you’re listening to this some other time line, well, hope you had a good week.

That’s right. So we started last week. We did a first part to like a 2 or 3 part series on family culture. Today is the second episode to that series. Both of the podcast episodes stand alone, of course, and we’re really excited to dive into this topic with you guys. But before we do, we just want to say, hey, happy holidays. I mean, we just had Thanksgiving. Yeah, Christmas is coming, so Merry Christmas a little early. Um, we’re excited to be doing this podcast. We are in the month of our six year anniversary of doing the Courageous Parenting podcast. Yes. And that is only because of you guys making it possible. Um, a lot goes into the production of podcasts, and now we have the heart of the home, and we have courageous parenting and resolute man. And so we just thank you for those of you who have joined in and supporting, whether it’s through prayer or through giving, or through just the encouragement that we get. When you send us messages, it all means a lot to us.

It does and it be courageous. Ministry org you can find all resources. Also, we are kicking off fundraising today when this episode comes out for the end of the year, which is so vital for the ministries success at reaching more people and impacting people. I don’t know if you know this, but over 190 countries people listen to the Courageous Parenting podcast. We’ve the podcast Courageous Parenting has had its biggest year ever. Obviously the other two shows are newer this year, so we’ll find out next year how much they’ve grown, which is exciting, but they’re doing solid and we just so appreciate it. And so if you if the spirit prompts you to contribute, join us.

In the effort Be.

Courageous Ministry org and then hit give and you can see the details actually. Or if you’re just curious, what is the money going to what’s you know, what’s needed and these kinds of things. But there is a great need and we just trust the Lord and we just keep walking one foot in front of the other in faith in God’s direction to to have impact. And it’s part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. So but hey, we’re going to talk about family, culture, planning, date night. Um, I find it I think this muscle is hard for a lot of marriages, actually, because they’re used to a certain kind of date night, which is whatever you guys like to do just to spend time together. Which is the best kind of date night, right? You have a good time together. It’s fantastic. But what we’re periodically calling people to do is shift it. It’ll feel a little bit more like a meeting, actually, where you’re going with an intention to do something different together, not just shopping and dinner and a movie or whatever you normally do, or going to see a show or whatever. Instead you’re like, okay, we have this thing coming up where we’re actually going to get to work on elements of how we’re feeling about how our family is going and aspects of life and areas we want to improve so that we can constantly or periodically throughout the year, be recalibrating towards a better direction. And the reason this is vital is because your family is always going in a direction, and if it’s not being purposefully led in a direction, then it’s probably slightly unraveling. And if things unravel just a little bit over time, over time, you have something you don’t want. And so really, we’ve found it extremely important to be recalibrating several times a year. This is a perfect time of year to do so. And that’s what this episode is about.

Yeah. So the first episode, last week’s episode, we talked about thankfulness a lot because it was also aligning with when Thanksgiving was hitting in America. And but really exercising, regardless of where you live, isn’t having a thankful heart something God calls us to always have? Yes. It’s a good muscle to practice. And so we talk about that. We went through scriptures on thankfulness, what God calls us to, to pray without ceasing, to come to him with prayers and supplication, with thanksgiving in our heart. And so having a family culture that is thankful, just alone, like even if you think about I love using that word thankful, or you could you could put gratitude in there, right? And evaluating what your family culture currently is and what you want it to be, as well as maybe what it’s been in the past to kind of see if it’s eroded, if it’s gotten better in the last year. Um, because one of the things I was thinking about when you were sharing with them is how sometimes, yeah, things can get off of the, the tracks, like if you were a choo choo train on a railroad track. Right. You can the train can get off of the tracks at any point in the year because of random things. It can be because of disconnection and a lack of like, family meeting together in the Bible. Or it can be because of sickness, right? And maybe missing church multiple weeks in a row because of sickness. And then all of a sudden it’s like, where are our attitudes at? Right? Um, but then there’s also this element of maybe the couple hasn’t been as strong, right? Maybe husband’s traveling more or wife is.

Who knows, maybe there’s just been like, no ability to have regular date nights and an opportunity to connect and get back together and to discuss. And if that continues for too long, I think that that’s one of the biggest things that can end up getting the train off the tracks, so to speak. Right. But then also there’s like the regardless of what season of life you are in as a married couple or as a family, you know, you have the busy Little Tikes trenches, right? Where there’s sleepless nights, there’s little stuffy noses. Um, there’s constantly someone potentially tugging on your pant leg, wanting to give you a hug or interrupting a conversation. And you can feel like it’s easy for the train to get off the tracks in that season. But then you move to the next season, and it’s the same thing. If your kids are in sports or activities, maybe you’re going in different directions, so I just thought that I would share, like how does that happen? Yeah. And it’s so many subtle little ways over time it can create an erosion of wait a second, is this train our family going in the direction that we actually decided we wanted it to go on and and are all the things that we’re involved in are are circumstances or the season of life that we’re in or whatever. Is it actually causing us to get off track, and how do we get back on track? And we have.

To be careful, because sometimes we think everything’s fine, because we’ve consolidated an identity about our marriage and our family, and we share it with other people. So we’re voicing something into truth in our brains, like our marriage is good. You might say that to somebody if somebody asked. Right? Yeah. Oh, kids are doing great. And you list off all the things each kid is doing and all these things to the grandparents or whoever it is. And what you’re doing is you’re training your mind, convincing your mind that everything’s great. But let me warn you that while all those things you’re saying are true, I’m sure they are behind the scenes. The culture might be eroding because the culture is what actually is true in all senses. Meaning it’s the real behaviors. It’s not the behaviors you hope for, the best version of the behaviors or the best moments. Right? It’s what are the real attitudes of the children? What are the real attitudes in the marriage towards each other? What are the real words spoken when no one else is looking? What are the real activities or lack of activities in the right directions that are happening are not happening. You know, that’s what we’re getting at here. It’s not the quick answer you’d give somebody. The culture is the real behaviors when no one’s looking.

That’s right. So before we dive into today’s actual episode, which we’re going to encourage and coach couples through, what is this next date night look like, right. When you’re setting family culture, what is the what is the family culture planning date night look like. And we’re going to give you guys some tips. But before we do that we just wanted to give a shout out to one of our favorite sponsors, Master Books.com. I have been using their curriculum all year this year and I am absolutely loving it. You can find out more at Master books.com/courageous, which has like a list of some of my favorite curriculums that I’ve been using. Um, but I just wanted to highlight a couple of them with you right now. So for those of you who have like junior high and high schoolers, I would definitely highlight their apologetics curriculum. They are the number one publisher of Answers in Genesis and Ken Ham’s books, and so they are utilizing a lot of those books, along with a very strict curriculum that you follow to take your kids through, like, and even just, you know, what does the Bible say and what are people saying that the Bible says that’s actually a lie, right? And like literally equipping them to know when someone is believing a deception. Right? Which I think is so important today that we we attempt to do our best as parents. And I say attempt to do our best because it’s something that we have to consciously make an effort to do.

But guys like, no one’s going to be perfect at it. That’s true. There’s going to be things that your kids are exposed to, or they they hear someone talking about something and they may not have an answer for it. Well, okay. Take that as a learning experience. Be humble, figure it out with your kids, and praise God that they came and talk to you about it. Um, but one of the things that I’ve loved about this is that Master Books has a long standing history with answers in Genesis. They are their main publisher, and so they’re trustworthy. I know that everything is theologically biblical. I don’t have to worry about any progressive or woke things seeping into the curriculum. And so as a mom, that makes me feel like it’s a safer curriculum to be using. So anyway, so if you’re interested in that, January is a good time to check out new curriculums. And that’s just around the corner right now. It’s like Christmas time. And so if there was something that you wanted to like, add on to your curriculum or maybe do during the Christmas months, if you’re taking Christmas off from your main home schooling and you want to add a smaller curriculum to that, they actually have books that you can read through that are awesome, um, that are that just cover certain topics. And that’s something that I would recommend.

Yeah, it’s a resource place. You can bookmark it in your browser.

Master books.com/courageous. And I just want to I just want to reiterate there. It’s not just curriculums. They actually have books that parents can read. So you can have your teenagers read or whatever.

It’s beautiful. Well, hey, uh, let’s dive in. We have five things about this date night meeting or marriage meeting, if you will. Right. And if you have little kids and you can’t get out, just do it in.

And we’re we’re hoping that you if you haven’t listened to last week’s podcast, we would just encourage you to go listen to it, because we give some like exercises that we think are really helpful to do before this date night. Yeah. Um, but we’re going to start out with something that can be a sit alone date night that you can do with or without it as well. We just love both.

So after reflecting on all the things you’re thankful for, which is something we said in the last episode and praying some prayer time and so forth, then you’re going to have another date night because you probably already had one to do that other part. And you’re going to rate the different areas of life. And this is exciting and can be frustrating. The reason it’s exciting is because one of you is more optimistic than the other one, and that person looks at this as an exciting adventure. And then the person that’s not as optimistic in your marriage looks at this as an opportunity to finally share what they really think and how poorly some of these areas are going.

That’s right. And, you know, there’s also that element of like, is this an opportunity where I bring up something that I feel like we’ve been really failing in? Right. So then maybe there’s some potential conflict, like you’re bringing something up. And so, you know, we just want to encourage you guys that it’s important that you pray like that was one of the after reflecting on the things you’re thankful for, do spend some time praying before you have this date night. So after you listen to this podcast, maybe even just pray, Lord God, would you just help me to know how to have long suffering, to be calm? Help me to be optimistic. Like pray for the Holy Spirit. To help you to be. To be able to be a good finder and find the things that you’re thankful for.

And if you don’t mind me sharing this. Angie. Angie is a practical person, and so she sees things very much how they are, which is good for me and to be married to her. And it’s a wonderful thing. But one of the things that she’s worked a muscle on and improved at is not just immediately going to all the negatives about something which has been a thing earlier on in our marriage, but instead she’s far more balanced now of looking at, okay, there’s some negatives and some positives and not just spiraling in the negative, right?

And starting out a meeting with the good things is good. And then sometimes when you have to talk about the hard things to remember and look for the good things, even within the hard things.

And the thing I’ve worked on is not getting frustrated when there are negative things, because early on I would. I was so positive and so optimistic about things that it was too much sometimes.

Yeah. So having patience and long suffering as a married couple, give yourself some patience and grace because it does take time to grow in those things. But exercising this muscle of having an actual meeting as a date night is a good way to start exercising that muscle.

And hey gents, I just want to say something. Of course, your wife probably wouldn’t do this, but wives do struggle with this, and we can tempt our wives to do this if we’re not careful, which is if we don’t create an open line of communication to talk about everything in all things, then she’s going to feel this urge to tell somebody. And if your wife especially is a vocal person, I know mine is, but she doesn’t struggle with this. But I just know that is a temptation. I think that one of the things I’ve worked the muscle on is making sure she can tell me all those things, and I’ve gotten better at that even. And so I think it’s important that we really welcome all feedback. And so here’s some ideas. If you have pen and paper, great. If not, just watch listen to this again when you do. But you can get these in your head and you can start crafting your own. We might not even mention one of them, but there’s a there’s a good list here and you just want to rate them 1 to 10. You can do it together. I think that’s great. And you might wrestle with it. One of you is like, no, that’s a seven. And the other person’s like, well, that’s a six. And you might have to have two different colored pens as you rate them.

Actually, I think that we in the past we’ve done this so many different ways. We’ve used our favorite journals, our growth roots journals. Yeah. Um, which you guys can find out about those by checking out her website. But, um, we’ve used those for many years and we will write down our own list, and then we’ll evaluate them separately and then share our ratings with one another, one category at a time. And then we all like in that conversation, you usually both start to adjust your number to actually find the realistic number. Yeah. And so it’s not that you’re both, you know right. It’s that you’re actually sometimes are both wrong and that’s okay. Right. Or sometimes you are both right. And so it’s just a matter of perspective and hearing one another out. And sometimes one person in the marriage has a little bit more Intel than the other. And so it’s good to have that and it brings that opportunity. So when you get to spiritual or you get to education and you’re evaluating, how are we doing with the kids on the education, how are we doing with the kids spiritually? You might have totally different ratings, but that provides you an opportunity to ask this one simple question.

It’s why. Why did you give it a ten out of ten? Why did I give it a three out of ten. And let’s talk about that and find out what the real number probably should be. And then what can we do to encourage that. And so sometimes and I’ll you shared just a little bit about how I’m a little bit wired. I think that one thing that all couples can probably relate to that are listening to this podcast, is that sometimes the dads, because they are oftentimes not around the kids as much as mom is, their ratings can be a little bit more optimistic because they literally don’t have the Intel. They literally don’t necessarily even know what has been going on in a relational sense, between that kid and another kid, or that kid and all the other kids in the family, or mom and that kid. Right. And so that’s why these meetings are so important, is because when you have the different ratings, sometimes one might be more positive because they literally don’t even have a full picture of what the ratings should be.

So here’s some areas. Spiritual. Relational. Health, marriage, financial, church, education, friendships, um, your.

Dreams, your.

Dreams or callings or desires, those are kind of different things. But in the same general bucket, uh, personal growth. How is your personal growth going? Uh, productivity, um, generosity. And you could go on and on and on. So again, spiritual relational health, marriage, financial, church education, friends, dreams, personal growth, productivity, generosity. So it’s a lot of things you don’t have to use all those things. You could pick out six things, you know, and these kinds of things. But what are the things you want to rate? And gents, you could come in lead that lead. What are the areas you want to rate? Just don’t leave off spiritual just because you don’t want to talk about it. You wouldn’t do that. Of course not. Right. But Psalm 78, uh, verse 72 says with upright heart he shepherded them and guided them with his skillful hand. It’s talking about David there. Uh, what a great leader. Imperfect leader. Um, but in a lot of his life, he was a good leader. Some of his life he was a terrible leader. And I think we can all relate to that, you know? But I like this right here with upright heart. He shepherded them and guided them with his skillful hand. Wow. Upright heart. Skillful hand. So what’s inside needs to be going well so that what we do on the outside can happen? Well, so that’s good leadership right there. And I love that. And so that’s encouraging to me. I hope it’s encouraging to you. And of course the moms are vital leaders as well in the family. And so I’m sure you can take that to heart too.

Yeah. So just even thinking about that upright heart when you come into a meeting like this, if you both have the heart posture of, I want to be a good leader for my family and I want to be a submissive wife biblically. So in this moment, what does that mean for having an upright heart? And it’s different for each person in that relationship, right? And so it’s still a good challenge for all of us. So thanks for that scripture. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, I think that one of the important things throughout the meeting that we wanted to put on here, number two. So after you’ve got your different areas and you may have totally different areas that we just gave you guys like a list, a short list of some of the ones that we have done over the years and do on a yearly basis. Um, but underneath each of those categories, there might be little subcategories, right? So like thinking about relational, for example, like maybe that is something where in your journal personally you’re evaluating what the relationships are like with you and your husband, you and each of your individual children. But then we had church and friends as separate categories, right? Because it’s like, okay, so I need to evaluate, like, are my friends actually being as iron sharpens iron, right.

Like, are they, um, helping me to grow stronger in Christ? Are they helping me to be fulfilling the purpose that God has created me to? Do they believe in that, right? Or do I feel like I’m constantly never measuring up and I’m stuck in a comparison trap and there’s just like this negative, unhealthy friendship going on, right? And so as you, as an individual need to evaluate your friendships, but then you’re also going to evaluate like the friend peer relationship. And do you have your child’s heart or do does your child’s heart actually belong to their friends? And if it does, then that’s something you need to confront. You need to chase after your child’s heart. And so each of these categories, like I said, could have like multiple subcategories. And this could take you a while if you were to really, really dig deep. But I do want to encourage you, for those of you who have never done something like this, when we first got started, I think we had like maybe five categories on our list. We started with God, marriage, family and personal growth in finances and finances health. So we had six. And so you could just and then I added.

A seventh Usually projects because we do a lot.

Of projects. Yeah, but even back then, in our first few years of marriage, we weren’t doing that so much because we didn’t even have a house yet until like 18 months in. And so I just want to encourage you guys that it doesn’t have to be this long, drawn out thing. You can start smaller and then maybe you have a second date night. That’s just about this, where you’re bringing in some more because you have such a fun time together and you love being purposeful, that you’re like, hey, let’s do this on these topics, right? And so for us, like we added generosity to our categories. And part of that is because years ago, that was one of our initiatives with our family, is that we had experienced so many, so much generosity from other people in a really hard time that we wanted to make sure that we were cultivating that within our children and in ourselves. And so that’s something that we evaluate because it’s near and dear and kind of like something that the Holy Spirit put in.

France that was transformative for me, as I think back over the years, just the generosity thing, like even with planting a church locally right now being super busy. Um, yeah, I don’t if we didn’t make that part of this, I don’t know that that would be happening today.

Give the gift of music this holiday season with Wartburg Music Academy’s gift card. Christmas special. Instead of learning music in isolation. Wartburg Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my Code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin and ukulele for less than $30 a month. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, students are given accountability, performance opportunities, seasonal challenges like the December Jingle Jam Challenge, live feedback from their instructor, and printables to help them stay on track. The Vote Berg method approaches music a little bit differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down and practice with by ear training and song based learning, students will see immediate results. They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote Berg methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep. Use my code courageous to get 20% off every month your family is enrolled. Go visit vote Berg music Academy.com. You know what I mean? I know I think about it’s interesting when you think back on how many years you’ve been praying for something to grow in your own heart or in your family culture, and then how that changes the things that you’re the skillful hand able to do, the things it literally changes you. And then you go do things out of that change. Right. And it’s and we’re not doing it by ourselves. Our kids are participating. And so like it’s.

Been participating.

It’s been a whole heart change that has happened anyway. So it’s just really beautiful. And you could add any, any word, maybe the word loyalty comes to mind that you need to evaluate what is your reputation. Are you a loyal person? Are your kids loyal to family?

What’s step two? So we got five of them.

So two would be to review your thankfulness list. And we put that on there because this can be a hard conversation. And so in the midst of it remember this is your little reminder to if things are negative, especially in like 4 or 5 categories in a row, to try to be a good finder and look for the things that you’re thankful for.

Number three start to create areas of improvement. So what I mean by that is start to look at what is most important to improve. And you might even have a list and it’s okay if it gets longer. You’re going to you’re going to narrow that down. But in fact I would encourage it to be long of areas you want to improve at first because it enables you to make sure you start focusing in the right areas. You’re not going to focus on every one of those areas. It’s impossible. It’s too frustrating. It’s too, uh, you’re not going to laborers. It’s too hard with a marriage and everything going on. So I’m going to we’re going to teach you something really quick how to distill down in a second. But first you got to go bigger, you know, what are the areas. So under spiritual what are the areas? Well, I really would desire a family to eat dinner more and read the Bible together. Maybe that’s one of those areas. Right. And you you write that down, these desires of your heart that areas you want financial. We really want to be able to buy this house.

We really want to be able to move on to acreage or whatever it is, you know, and to write those things down. There’s there’s power, by the way. You can think things, you can talk about things. But when you actually write things, I’ve just experienced so much power in that intentionality that it sticks. It becomes more real and concrete when I write something, and it’s even proven from a memory standpoint that when you write something, you’re more likely to remember it way more. So I think there’s something to that. So writing out this list, this longer list of things to improve, um, you know, keeping in mind the thankfulness too. So, you know, get out of hand. That’s a really, really important thing. And then the next thing is step four would be to look at what are the themes that are happening because there’s things on your list, but you’re looking for, okay, maybe like eight of those things have to do with the same bigger thing. Maybe there’s a bigger problem that’s causing seven of those problems. You know what I mean?

Like and I just want to point out something really quick because we were talking about this earlier, where sometimes it’s hard for certain personalities to be good finders, but then it’s also can be hard sometimes for other people to operate in reality and be willing to admit when something’s not right. And that’s what this exercise needs to do with people. Because if you’re not willing to see what is wrong, then you don’t know what theme to choose to focus on with your family so that that is cultivated. Do you see what I’m saying? Yeah. So if something’s missing, for example, like if generosity was missing and we were just like, man, the kids are just so selfish and and we’re, like, lamenting on our date night about this problem. This problem? Oh, the selfishness. The. Da da da da da da da da da. And then we don’t realize that that actually points to a good thing that could be cultivated, that could be the answer to helping selflessness be cultivated in the family. And that’s generosity, that’s giving weather. And that’s not just necessarily giving of like finances or giving of things. But what about if they were giving of their time? They were giving with their patience? What if they were giving with their pursuing relationships, right. Like how how much would that change a family culture that was struggling with selfishness? Right. And so you have to absolutely have to be willing to take the rose tinted glasses off and see the problems that are there in order to find out what the themes are like. You can’t find the themes unless you look at what the problem is.

Here’s how most people approach this. Sounds so good, and here’s how most people approach this. They just think about what they want. Yeah, and the problem with that is it’s maybe not getting to the deeper issue or the core of what actually creates what you want. So you’re like, I it’d be just great if in the new year we I’m going to do the same example again. We had more dinner times and we read the Bible more with the kids. Okay. But is that getting to the core of what causes that? So if you just focus on that, it’s not good. It’s just like companies I help companies with this in the past, which is they would have this thing on the wall of what they’re about and what they’re going for, right? The core values and their goals and what the company is about and these kinds of things. And I’m like, okay, well, is that really the most important things that creates the outcomes you really, really want? And a lot of times it’s not and it’s not what actually is. It’s this kind of facade of what we are. And so instead on that same example, uh, what do you think actually is the catalyst for that? It’s a, it’s a maybe it’s maybe it’s the husband changes a career because they’re gone all the time. It’s a.

Big change.

That’s a big change. So maybe there’s an unfair ask or desire with the same circumstances of the husband reading the Bible more often at dinner time, because the career doesn’t allow for that. So maybe the bigger question is, are you in the right career? Okay, so another another example of that could be spiritual growth. Maybe there’s just okay, maybe we need to grow spiritually. So we desire to open the Bible. So we desire to teach our kids and we feel more capable of that. Maybe I’m not being discipled. Maybe discipleship is the problem and that’s the core of it versus just I want to have more dinners and read the Bible more. Okay, well then where does that go? What’s the deeper, even deeper level of problem here is that maybe you’re not part of the right church, or maybe you are part of the right church, but you’re not digging in. You’re not committed to your church. Maybe you’re not in a Bible study. So this is.

A perfect example of what it means to ask why and not stop at the first why, but then ask another why? And another why? Because then you find the little things, right? So like, if someone was to evaluate their marriage and let’s say the husband puts a nine or an eight, and let’s say the wife puts like a two or a three. Oh, that could be a hard part of the conversation, right. Where the husband’s like, oh, really? Like you’re unhappy. Like, why did you put a two or a three for a marriage?

And maybe one of them’s valuing the bedroom, and the other one is valuing communication.

Exactly. Or maybe one of them is valuing acts of service or physical touch, like you said. Or maybe it’s a different love language, that they’re wired differently, and one person is purposefully speaking to that person through the way that they feel most valued. But it’s not that isn’t being reciprocated in the sense of like knowing them and going, oh, they don’t love what I love. They love this. I’m gonna try this instead. Right. And so then they’re able to talk about how they’re wired and how well, I actually don’t appreciate that very much. I actually appreciate this or I really like it when the house is clean and you help me with it versus me doing it, or like whatever it is. And then it’s like, oh, note to self, you can put that on the little note of like, oh, my wife wants me to do it with her, not just by herself or like and then it’s then they start pursuing the wife in the way that she feels most valued, which for that woman is acts of service. And so it’s like ding ding, ding. And then you come back and you reevaluate and she’s like nine, you know what I mean? Yeah. And so what Isaac is saying here on the themes and the, the little areas like what are the what are the little things that you can work on to up that number? That was the rate.

And themes to think of it like a lever. So the cool part of the mechanism of a lever is when you use a lever, you can lift far more weight, right? So if you lift something with your hand, it’s limited. But if you have a leverage by using a lever then you can lift way more. And so what we’re looking for in these themes is what are the levers? The few things. Now, in case we had a big list. And what are the few things that impact the most things on the list, right? Because you can only actually pursue 1 to 3 things and have success. And so and so the question I would challenge you with, once you have your list, how many of those things are impacted by spiritual growth? If there was spiritual growth, how many of those things would be better? That’s a way to test it. If my marriage was better, how many of these things would be better? Would be better. If our finances were better, how many of these things were better? You might be surprised how few actually on the list actually are better by better finances.

It’s interesting, but that’s a good tactic though, to evaluate and prioritize, because ultimately we all know that our relationship with God and then our marriage and then our family in that order. Priorities, right. But the truth is, is that if you’re, like, really struggling in a relationship with one of your kids. It affects your marriage and it affects the whole family culture. And it actually can affect your relationship with God too. And so the truth is, is we need to like we need to be willing to see those hard places, have those conversations, and then pick and prioritize. And this might take a prayerful time to some some couples have some really big issues going on. And so this may not all get worked out in date night. Number two, it might take 3 or 4 date nights to be able to go through the categories and to really figure it out and go, okay, so this is the thing we need to work on first to help our marriage so that our family can be better, or to help our family so that the culture we desire is really there.

And so now you’ve worked on your themes. We’re going to give you the fifth one in a second. But first, I want to read in Matthew 33, sorry, 633 but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Oh, there is the ultimate key which is seeking God. Both spouses seeking God and not seeking their own selfishness. Not seeking their own worldly desires, but instead seeking God. Then the things that you decide in point five here are going to be in alignment with God’s will. And that is everything. So point five is you’ve now decide what your key levers are, the impact of those things. And from that you’re going to develop either key words or a very short statement that our culture driving statements, family culture, driving statements that you can verbalize and use to influence and remind each other of the culture we’re trying to move towards. So an example of one in past is for us.

A culture driver would be eagles, not seagulls. And it was just this desire. We were starting to have teenagers and they were starting to do more things independently, where mom and dad are not necessarily always with them and they’re making their own friends, right? Like they’re making wise choices or we’re praying that they do. And we wanted to have something that they could really remember and kind of like hold on to that would throughout their life, remind them not to be like the crowds, be willing to stand firm, and that sometimes leaders, eagles who are Christians will fly alone, and that it’s okay and not be the people pleasing person that is constantly like wanting the crowd, right?

So dolphins are eagles, not seagulls, and that everybody remembers. Yeah, that is part of our.

Culture, right? Another one was, um, producers, not consumers. And that was something that we created. I mean, that was that was.

One social media one. It was when social media was taking off. Yeah. And we realized that back in 2003, the trend is going to be that people just massively consume and watch other people’s dreams versus really cultivating and creating their own dreams and accomplishing things. And there will be a lot of dread from just witnessing and always seeing everybody else doing things. And it will cause anxiety in people, especially children. So we came up with producers versus consumers. It’s not that we don’t consume, but it’s keeping it in balance. And that has been very, very important for our family too. Generosity too. One word was generosity. But be generous would be turning it into a sentence. And, um, that was a pivotal one, which we mentioned before. So these are just some of those. And we went through this process and were like, wow, this is going to be important people, right?

But you can even tell though, like with the producers versus consumers, you can tell what the potential problem we were foreseeing could have been. It wasn’t that we had a problem necessarily, it was that we were like, wow, okay, this could potentially become a problem and we want to get on top of it now. Yeah. You know, like. Yeah. And I bring that up because that’s actually an important conversation in this date night too. If you can is like okay, so this year this is how old our kids are. These are the activities they’re in. What are the potential problems or influential situations that we can foresee happening in the next year, year and a half? And then creating a theme that will also teach and lead your children not to follow into that problematic situation.

Medical freedom is something we all desire, and I think we’d all agree that in the last four years, we’ve really realized just how important it is to have a trusted, like minded doctor.

You should be able to build your medical team and choose who you get care from. Knowing that where you spend your money is a matter of stewardship and a desire to support local Christian medical businesses.

Absolutely. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to help support businesses that have a biblical worldview on life and health.

Here’s the problem more often than not, you have to choose your doctor off a preferred in-network list. And if I’m really honest, those clinics usually see such mass quantities of people that it’s incredibly impersonal and you walk away feeling like a number. In addition, in most cases, in order to be seen by specialists, you’re required to get a referral from a primary care physician, which costs more time and money.

We want to introduce you to a biblical approach to health care. Samaritan Ministries. You can find out more about it at Samaritan Ministries. Dot org forward slash be courageous.

They’re a health sharing ministry built on biblical principles of bearing one another’s burdens practically, financially, through helping with health care costs, and spiritually through praying and caring for one another.

Samaritan ministries gives you the freedom you desire to choose your doctors and health care professionals, including. This is cool alternative care providers like chiropractors and naturopathic providers as well.

The process is simple and provides us, as Christians, a way to obey Scripture and care for one another as the larger church.

Samaritan ministries is the only health caring, sharing ministry with direct member to member sharing.

I love that we send our monthly share directly to another brother or sister in Christ, to support someone going through a medical crisis or recovering from a medical need, rather than to some large corporation.

So if you’d like to find out more about Samaritan Ministries, go to Samaritan ministries.org/be courageous. That’s Samaritan ministries.org/be courageous. To learn more.

When you sign up don’t forget to tell them that be courageous mystery or Angie and Isaac Tolpin referred you.

The links will also be in our weekly podcast show notes at Be Courageous ministries.org. You know, it’s interesting as we came up with producers versus consumers before we launched Courageous Parenting, Angie was doing some things blog and had a book. I was doing things in the business world that were producing, obviously, but we never really dove into the level of content creation in a public way until after we launched this with our family. So the good point I’m making here is that it influences you too. And maybe most importantly, and when what I would caution anybody is they’re thinking through this, going through this process is don’t create anything that you aren’t. Because leaders will never drive forward something that doesn’t already exist within them. So it’s really important, as leaders in your family, that you’re not just coming up with cool ideas because you’re never going to do it if you haven’t already been doing some aspect of it. If the DNA of that isn’t already in your blood, how are you going to make sure that’s in your children’s blood? And so it’s going to be hypocritical, actually, which is the famous word that teenagers love to use about their parents in the world today. We don’t want that to be used about us. Right. And so we only want to drive forward things we’re committed to, and you never stop communicating about it. And that would be the next tip I have for you guys, which isn’t on our board, but is to never stop communicating about your culture. Drivers decide if you distill down the impact in many areas, and then you’re going to communicate them. And we’re going to talk more about that in the next episode and how to really launch this with your family, which I think is really important.

That’s awesome. So as you guys are identifying some of the key words or phrases that want that are going to be drivers of your culture, things that you want to stick to, your stick in your kids minds, things they’re going to remember, things that you can repeat on a regular basis. That’s another thing. If it’s not something that you would repeat with your family over and over again, it’s not the right phrase. That’s it’s just not because for us, it was like, okay, is this catchy? Is it memorable? Is it something our kids are going to remember? Is it something we need to lead ourselves in and they need to lead theirselves in? Like, it’s like the more of those questions become yeses, the better the culture driver it will be.

Absolutely. Yeah. And I’ll just give you an example. I’m wearing it right now. Be rooted. And we launched the church with a culture driving statement, which is and I have it on this wristband. It’s all about being everybody. More and more people in the community are wearing these, which is so cool, which is the love God, so you can love others well and grow in Christ so that you can go and make disciples. So love grow, go be rooted in Christ. And the side point was to be rooted locally because we believe local matters big. And that’s that’s something that I talk about often. And as I was putting this together and thinking about it, and Angie was involved in that too, is to go, well, am I like that? And then to be able to say, check those off? And then secondly, would I talk like this? And the answer is yes. And so therefore it works. Right. And then you’re going to drive it forward. And is it causing the most areas of what’s needed within that group or community. So that’s really important. And Proverbs 24 three through four it says 24 three through four it says by wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established by knowledge. The rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. So by what a house is built. Wisdom, wisdom.

And sometimes you don’t necessarily know what the phrases are going to be. And if you get to a place where you’re stuck like that in this process, you’ve already gone through reflecting. You’ve rated each category. You’ve taken time to be thankful, be a good finder. You’re you’re praying carefully through how to evaluate each of these sections with your spouse, and you’re communicating, and maybe you’re adjusting your numbers and you’re communicating more. And then you’re starting to find like, what are the things that I need to do to change to help the ratings of these different categories go up, right? Actually, that’s the goal. Yeah. Um, but then also you’re going, okay, so now, hey, we’ve got to figure out a word or two words or a three word phrase that we can take back to our family, and then we’re going to teach it to them. We’re going to teach them this process, which is going to be what the next podcast episode is all about.

So make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen. We’re on YouTube, we’re on Spotify, we’re on Apple, and probably all the other places that you have a favorite app. So make sure you subscribe so you get notified of this next episode. And if you haven’t listened to the first one, go back and listen to that. And everything’s at Be Courageous Ministry. Org. We so appreciate you being part of the movement. Thanks for joining us.

Hey, also, just before we go, we have to tell them about the new e-book.

Are you sure?

Oh it’s awesome you guys. It’s like 33 pages, right?

It’s pretty awesome.

We have a free e-book that’s available on the website. So when you go there, if you sign up.

Already 200 people have already taken advantage of getting that in the last few days. And that’s amazing.

People launched it Friday.

We have people sharing about it. It’s completely free and we’re just so thankful for everybody being part of the ministry. And it’s biblical parenting. Six Keys to Thriving in Unprecedented Times.

That’s awesome. So go check that out. Take advantage of the free e-book. You guys have a great week!

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

 

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

From Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Reorg. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey, welcome to the podcast. Hey guys, so glad you’re here. Five crucial spiritual disciplines to.

Leaving a legacy of faith. Here we go. That’s right. So this is a super. This is like probably going to be one of the most powerful podcast episodes we’ve done. Because if you think about it, this is really what it’s all about. Biblical parenting at its core. What do you want to do? You want to leave a legacy of faith.

And in unprecedented times, the attacks on family are greater right now than previous few generations, at least.

Right, exactly. So we are going to go over these five crucial spiritual disciplines that we want to encourage and exhort every family to start practicing the habit of. And we’re excited to dive into Scripture. We have a lot to cover today, so we are just going to rattle off. But before we begin, we just wanted to encourage you guys and thank you so much for joining us on this podcast, especially if you’ve been with us since the beginning. Oh my goodness, can you imagine six years. It has been a fun journey in so.

Many people tell us they’ve been listening since the beginning, or some people found the podcast and then go back to the beginning, right? And by the way, my personal favorite episodes is episode number one and number two.

I knew it, I knew you were gonna say that. No, but you guys, I also love how much we’ve been able to really personally connect with couples through the Courageous Parenting program. And so we want to encourage you guys to go check that out. That is a six week ish because you can go through it at your own pace. Now it’s self-paced, um, program where we just dive into so many scriptures. You get a one hour pre-recorded teaching that also comes with what we call parenting packets. It has all the scriptural references as well as resources that we have kind of vetted and recommend as Christian parents that have helped us in our biblical parenting over the last 24 years. Um, and then we also have the lives that are in the dashboard as well. Those are 90 minute long, so you get to learn from those. Those are those different videos. I just have to say, we cover topics we’ve never covered in the podcast before. Actually, the whole parenting program is that way.

There are replays of lives, and then there’s one live that we do monthly in the Be Courageous app, and you get the app free for two months and you get put in a private mentor program group. So you know.

What I think a lot of people might also not know is that because they have access to the Be Courageous app for two months, they not only get the free, the the month long, the monthly 90 minute, um, live and Q&A that we do in the parenting program group that’s private, but they also get access to every single one of the heart of the home episodes, the replays of the Bible studies that we’ve been doing since last February. So there’s over 30 Bible studies on the heart of the home. So we talked about making your home a sanctuary. We talk about setting the tone of the atmosphere. Um, praying for your husband. There’s so many different topics.

So get into the Be Courageous app. But let’s let’s dive in first. Master books has been so amazing for homeschooling.

Oh man. For us this year it’s been a real blessing. It’s our first year using Master Books.com forward slash courageous. If you want to find out about the homeschool curriculum that we’ve been using, um, I would say it is the only curriculum I’m using with our kindergartner this year. It’s, um, there are two subjects I’m using with my third grader. There’s three subjects I’m using with my junior higher, and then there’s four subjects I’m using with my high schoolers.

Now, I know one of the things that was a derailment, potentially for Angie in the early years of homeschooling was science. And what’s so cool about master books is they have the largest, the most biblically based curriculum on science available of any company.

That’s right. And we know it’s biblically vetted. I don’t know if you knew this, but they’re actually the official publisher of Answers in Genesis curriculum, which is Ken Ham stuff, so that’s pretty cool.

So learn more of his stuff at Master books.com/courageous.

You can find out what my favorite stuff is so far.

So all right let’s get into it. So we have five crucial spiritual disciplines.

So you know the the first one might seem obvious to you, but we want to take you through some scripture and talk to you about the importance of having your children in church with you. But the first point is to take your kids to church. And I think that sometimes people think that they’re taking their kids to church, but they’re and they are they’re taking their kids to church, but are they taking them to the gathering? That’s a different thing, right?

So there’s two things here is going to church, right. Step one. And consistently, what do you want them to emulate? You can’t stream some of the most important aspects of what happens at church and why God wants us to go to church. Um, which is the fellowship, right? Which is the breaking of bread, the communion. Right. These kinds of things are so important. Worshiping together. Hearts knit together. Worshiping the Lord. These aspects you can get the teaching, but the knowledge and sermons are almost a commodity today. Now I give sermons. So here, bear with me for a second. But anybody can go online and get a sermon from a super pastor anywhere they want. And those pastors are doing a great job, and that’s fine. But to be part of the body of Christ is so important for you. But it’s even more important for the next generation to see you caring about it and going and being part of a community and them being raised up in that, that’s so important. Then the second part you’re talking about is actually taking the children to the church, meeting with you versus separating it out. Yeah.

So, you know, we thought we would just share a couple of scriptures with you guys because this is like a revolutionary for a lot of people. I think, especially when Covid hit and a lot of churches went online that maybe weren’t online before. And of course, the whole world was doing shelter in place for six weeks, and that created a new habit of watching things on TV in the comfort of your home, maybe even in your pajamas. Can I just say that? And while I don’t think it’s bad to have stuff going on, there is something negative about isolating. The enemy wants his people to be wants people to be isolated. God wants his people to work together and be a part of members of one another, to be a part of a body. And so in Hebrews 1025, this was a really popular verse that was used all the time during the Covid time. Right? Not neglecting the gathering together. But I just want to read in verse 23 to 25 it says, let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering. So do not waver like stay strong and firm in the Lord, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. So it’s saying like the every day is is closer to the day that Jesus is coming back. Amen. I mean, truly, like logically, every day that you live is one day closer to when Jesus comes back. So the day is drawing nearer and nearer every day. And it’s saying that as the days are drawing nearer, this is even more important. So it’s more important now than it was three days ago, actually, technically. And but it was just as important then as it is today. Yeah.

And so that’s one thing makes a huge difference. I mean, you’ve heard us say this before, but 70 to 80% of the children raised in Christian homes are leaving the church by age 18. So why is that happening? Well, this is one part of why that’s happening. And the second part is, do they actually experience being in the church meeting as God’s talking about in the Bible when they’re being raised up, or are they getting some Bible and a lot of fun and social time during church, and they have a Misconstrued view of what it means to go to church. And when they’re too old for that, maybe they don’t like church anymore.

Oh, I mean, it’s a big question you got to ask yourself. I just want to read this one more time. It says, for let us consider how to stir one another up to love and good works. Here’s the thing. If you’re watching a sermon on TV. Yeah. Are you stirring anyone else in the body of Christ up to love and good works? No, you’re not even in proximity with them. You know what.

I used to say? I used to be in a business where we had lots of teams all over a couple states, and there we’d have team meetings every single week, and there would be a group of people, and it’s usually the ones that are more capable and feel like they know what they’re doing, that maybe I don’t need to go to the team meeting this week, and I’d always tell them, I would say, well, either you need the meeting or someone else needs you in the meeting. Mhm. And so you think about that, if we’re only thinking about ourselves and whether we want to go to church or not, maybe we’re only thinking one sided. And maybe we need to think two sided three sided actually, because the guide cares two and it’s like, what does God want? What do people need from me? Even if you don’t have an official role or you’re not technically serving in some way, your presence does make a difference. When you just talk to somebody there, it makes a difference.

Imagine if every person sitting in a seat or a pew in a church thought, oh, it doesn’t matter if I go. And they just didn’t. They all didn’t show up one day. How would the pastor feel, how the worship team feel? How would you know what I mean? Like it would be empty. That’s not the gathering, right? And so here’s the deal. It says we’re supposed to stir one another up to love and good works. And that happens. It says, not neglecting to meet together. Like we’re not supposed to meet together. And then it says, as is the habit of some. So you have to ask yourself, what habits have I created? What habits am I actually creating and cultivating in my kids? Because that’s really the question we’re talking about leaving a legacy of faith. We have to evaluate what are the habits that we have created in the culture of our family. That and helped our kids to exercise because it is a habit. If you don’t go, you’re exercising the habit of not going, yeah, actually, or you’re exercising the habit of going. And so it’s like you have to ask yourself, what are the habits that me and my family have? And do I expect my kids to have this faith that I think I have if I’m not even modeling for them what God’s Word commands us to do on a regular basis? And so we have to really be aware.

Ask yourself some questions. So we want to encourage you guys to take your kids to church. You know, on this topic, I think it’s also worthy to say, like some of the deepest conversations that Isaac and I have had with our kids in regards to spiritual things, like I’m talking spiritual questions where kids start going, hey, maybe I want to be baptized, or what is communion about? Or can I take that? Or like where they’re learning, they’re listening to the sermon. And then they have a question about something that was preached on Sunday, or they detect something different, or they have a conversation with someone else and they say something that maybe isn’t quite what they’ve read in the Bible or heard in the Bible, read to them by the parents, and they bring that up. And then you have these awesome, spiritually deep conversations with your children. Yeah, you miss out on all of that if they are not going and sitting in church with you.

It’s so powerful. They see people taking communion. Believers are the ones that should take communion. But I always say in church, because we have age integrated church parents need to discern. You need to discern. And so that is now getting parents thinking about where their children are at and whether they should take communion or not. What a powerful thing to wrestle with. Yeah.

So another scripture that we wanted to share is in first Timothy three 413 it says, until I come, devote yourselves to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. And then verse 14, Do not neglect the gift that you have which was given you by prophecy, when the council is laid on it. So this is obviously talking about like eldership and how there’s gifts within the church. But I bring this up because one, we’re supposed to devote ourselves to the public reading of Scripture. Um, and that would mean that there would be a public listening of scripture if there’s a public reading of it. Right. And so people need to do their part. They either need to be a part of the public reading of it or the public listening of it. Okay. And then there’s also this element of like, what is your spiritual gift? And are you actually activated when you go to church and being a part of the member of the body of Christ, because God has given you a gift? And guess what? Your kids also are a part of the body.

Now there’s questions coming in. We have five points. We have to move on pretty quickly. This one point could be a whole episode, but people are probably wondering, well, there aren’t any age integrated churches around me, or I can’t find a good church like that in. And so the answer to that is we also, most of our marriage were taking our kids and they were sitting with us in non-age integrated churches. We definitely didn’t stay in ones where they kicked our children out of the service, but there were a lot of good churches that were welcoming of that, even though we were pretty much the only ones doing that. And so and so, that was fine. It was no big deal. And but, you know, I guess after a while it does. You know.

It gets hard after a while. However, I would say, you know what? Realize that maybe God is going to use you as a family to create some positive disruption, some positive change. Set a good biblical example of teaching and training your children how to sit in church. And you know what you guys, we actually have an entire podcast episode that we did in season two that was about how to have your kids sit in church. Well, I think you could go and listen.

And we should touch just for a second, because that’s the next question is, well, my my children have a lot of energy. You must have really low energy children.

I have boys, I have seven sons and two daughters.

I remember when we were first doing this, one of our children, it was. It was so hard. But the the difficulty and thinking about Sunday coming and going through that again in the beginning was hard. But persevering was so worthy, so worth it looking back. So worth it is.

Is no regrets.

One of the most important things we’ve done in raising our children is that they sat with us hearing the sermon, worshiping God, seeing communion, participating when it was right to do so, and in these.

Things, and witnessing baptisms, because that oftentimes led them to to want to know about baptism. And then we were able to disciple them, teach them, make sure they knew what it meant, and then baptize.

Them and have same conversations afterwards, because we all heard and saw the same thing.

Right? There’s just and we worship together, which we’ll talk about that in a minute. So even.

The littles, even the babies, even the toddlers.

And it’s hard. I mean, the message is you have to be willing to do hard things as a parent if you want to leave a legacy that’s courageous parenting. Yeah. You’re not here if you want. Sorry. I’m not going to say that. Easy parent of. Yeah. Easy, easy parenting. So, anyway, that would be our challenge to you. We get that. That’s a challenge. We get that that’s not the norm. And that if you’re listening, probably 90% of people listening today are like, oh, why’d they have to say that?

I’m already getting questions. Hey, is there a church like yours here where they live? I get these messages, right? Oh, yeah. Where the church gets those messages on social media. Oh, yeah. And I would just say, go find a Bible believing church and.

Just start taking your kids to church. It’s it’s important. So, okay, so the next point that we want to talk about is reading your Bible to your kids and in front of them. So you’re going to read the Bible out loud to your kids, but also reading the Bible in front of them. So, you know, the first thing that comes to mind. There’s a couple of sub points under this category. We just talked about going to church. Parents, listen, take your Bible to church with you like this. This belongs going to church with you because it’s your textbook. It’s your guidebook. And it’s an exercise, a habit that you want to start practicing with your kids. Hey, Johnny, do you got your Bible? We’re going to church. You know what I mean? Like, but but at the same time, I also want to say Sunday shouldn’t be the only time of the week that you’re getting your Bible out.

There’s another thing. Hey, gents, you’re actually supposed to be, you know, the accountability to for the pastor. In a way. Yeah, right. Gents, we are to be making sure Scripture is right, making sure our children are hearing the right thing and reading through it. Not with a critical eye, of course, but just, you know, following along.

Challenge one another. That’s right. I think that, you know, we’ve got another verse that we just want to share with you guys in John 1717 right here. Um, but before Isaac shares that scripture, you know, reading your Bible out, like in front of your kids, I know that for myself as a mom, I was kind of, um, I struggled thinking that I needed to have, like, a quiet, alone time to study my Bible.

Um, otherwise ideal setting.

Ideal setting, you know, coffee Candle. Little. Little setup. Maybe those modes are.

Great if you. If you get them. Yeah, they might be rare, but they.

Should be rare. Like, honestly, it’s probably rare. I mean, getting up early, I remember a long time, I get up early, I get up and I go work out with my neighbor at, well, we were going at 530 in the morning and then we were going at 630. Sometimes we go at seven, you know, we go early is the point. Um, and then oftentimes I will spend a little bit of time in the word, and then I start making breakfast for people. And generally speaking, though, I remember days during the postpartum years where I had so many little kids where the thought of getting up earlier before the kids was like, you’re right. They’re up earlier than I am. So and so my devotion time happened differently than some people, and you have to find your rhythm. And one of the things that I would encourage you as moms is that have your Bible out on your counter and snack on the bread of Life, the Word of God, all day long, and it will help you to keep your heart right and steadfast in the Lord throughout the day, which is what we need as moms, but also sit down at the table. Who cares if your kids are are running around or playing Legos, or if they’re all sitting with you with their Bibles? That would be great too. And put some music on. Maybe put on the scripture reading out loud and sit and do your study. Let your kids just see you doing it.

And one of the things, as a dad, I hope my children say when they’re older and they’re talking to their kids and they’re saying, you know, what I really appreciated about grandpa is when I was a kid, he always had his Bible open. When we went to church, he had his Bible open. He read his Bible, not the app on the phone. Right. The Bible? The Bible. I think that’s important. The visual. Visual and pages. There’s something about it. You know, book sales are climbing right now. People are drawn to physical paper more and more, and we’re going to see more of that as we’re in the greater digital age than ever. Right? You can’t necessarily.

Trust what you see online.

So books Bible so, so important by the way. And okay, we’ll do this scripture real quick and then sanctify them in the truth. Your word is truth. Absolutely. Absolutely true.

If you’re leaving a legacy of faith, don’t you want to sanctify your children in the truth? Because God’s Word is truth? Yeah. And so that that’s you have to be reading the truth, the word of God, in order for them to be sanctified. Yes.

So now there’s one. There’s a third big question on point one. I know we’re on point two, about to go to point three. But the big question is, well, how do I train my young children to sit still in church and be active? And I just want to direct you again to that previous podcast we did. We’ll try and put it in the show notes at Courageous Parenting.com. Mhm.

So Joshua one eight through nine really. But I’m going to just read verse eight says this book of the law shall not depart from your mouth. Okay. So can we have the Word of God on our mouth and not departing from it if we’re not reading it, that’s impossible. I said in the last episode, or maybe it was Bible study. I was like, you can’t remember what you haven’t read. You can’t recall what you haven’t recited, right? That whole, um, grammar dialectic rhetoric stages, which is like the classical model of education, right? Where you’re learning something and then you’re practicing it. And then rhetoric would be when you’re teaching it, then you’ve mastered it, right. And so to truly have something written on your heart, you go through those different stages of learning. And so they’re having the book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, prosperous, and then you will have good success. This is one of God’s promises in His Word. This is what we want for our kids, that they would have the Word of God on their minds all the time, but you have to be meditating on it day and night. Um, another scripture that comes to mind is Psalm one 1811, which says.

I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Mhm.

So obviously, like leaving a legacy of faith, there’s this sin issue that all humans wrestle with the, the, the power of sin, the power of the flesh. Right. But if we’ve stored up the Word of God within us, it’s so that we might not sin against God so that the Holy Spirit has this like ability to convict us. Right. And, and and it’s. Yes, it’s a parent’s job to disciple. Yes, it’s a parent’s job to discipline their children. But you also want the Holy Spirit to be activated, moving in your child to where they’re convicted. The Holy Spirit is convicting your child when they sin, because there’s going to be sins that your kids struggle with that you don’t even see. Yeah. And so you want the Holy Spirit to be convicting them. And if, if, if they have stored up the word in their hearts, it will help them to not sin against God. And it’s that personal relationship.

Do they see a sincere prayer life in you? Do they see that modeled with heartfelt prayers, or is it always the same little prayer at dinner and before bed? You know, I think there’s a difference there. Authentic. I’m not saying that the same prayer isn’t a prayer. It is. But what are they seeing modeled? Are they seeing a real deepening relationship with God based on how you talk to God?

Okay, let’s just take a moment from the podcast for a second, because I want to talk to you about a spiritual discipline of worship and leaving that legacy of worship. That was something that was super important to Isaac and I. But neither of us had musical skills, and so we paid thousands of dollars over the years to have our kids learn instruments from piano and guitar, violin to voice lessons. And I don’t regret any of it because they’re very capable. But there is a better, faster, cheaper way through Voorburg music Academy.com. The Vote Burke method approaches music differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down to practice with by ear training and song based learning. Students see immediate results and learn technique, note reading, and theory in a context that will stick with them forever. And what makes it even better? They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep instead of learning music in an isolation boat. Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin or ukulele for less than $30 a month.

That’s right. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, the vote method provides community with thousands of other like minded Christian families to celebrate with and learn from. Students are given accountability, performance opportunities, and live feedback from their instructor and printables to help them stay on track. Unlike traditional music lessons that students soon forget, Wartburg Music Academy creates lifelong lovers and players of music in just a few months. Use my code courageous to get 20% off every month your family is enrolled and learn music in a way that sticks. Now let’s get back to the podcast. You know, one of the other things that’s important when you’re dealing with like, sin. I just want to go back to that for a second. When you’re when you’re discipling or disciplining your children, right. The scripture that we have read many times in Second Timothy chapter three. It’s one of your favorites, right? All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. Um, this is one of the verses that actually was like a core foundational scripture when we were planning and preparing for the Courageous Parenting program.

Um, that, along with love, you shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. The first and greatest commandment, and the second, which is like it. And looking at those two scriptures, it’s like, okay, how do we love the Lord with our mind? Well, we have to be saturated in the word. We have to be reading the word. But why? And then you go to the scripture. It’s, well, the Scripture is breathed out by God. It’s literally breathed out by God. That’s what it says. All Scripture is breathed out by God. Okay. So it’s his words and it’s profitable. So it’s good for teaching for reproving, which is correcting for correction and for training and righteousness. We’re talking about leaving a legacy of faith. This is literally the epitome of what we’re trying to do. But what does it end with so that the man of God or a woman of God may be competent and equipped for every good work? Which is why we created the Parenting Mentor Program to try to help parents to be able to do that. Right. And so it’s.

And beware of something too. Little children are likely to pray without any fear, yes, without any concern about the people around them. And they have faith like a child, which God Jesus was saying for us to have. But at some point they get a little older and if you’re not careful, they will start. They will stop praying in front of people. So be aware of that. Right. Encourage that. Keep encouraging that to keep going and to to be confident in praying publicly and not to lose that faith as a child.

And the same can actually happen with worshiping in front of people too. You know, I’ve noticed that the kids will like as they get older. Maybe they start caring too much what people think around them, or they’re not really confident in what their voice sounds like or whatever it is. And so to really stir that up and encourage them to keep going so that they have that confidence and ability in worshiping and.

What what’s the difference really peer influences and activities away from you, but also practice and less time just with you in your home. And that is the main difference. I don’t think it’s the age, I think it’s the influences.

But it’s also what habit is practiced and exercised and like prayer is a spiritual discipline. That is a habit, right? And so if you don’t give them the opportunity to pray in front of other people, they’re not going to be confident in doing it if you don’t give them the opportunity to worship with other people, worship in front of other people, they’re not going to be confident doing it. So it’s literally, again, a spiritual discipline and a habit that you have to give them the opportunity to be able to do and.

Saying things like, I’ll from time to time say, hey, it’s not the you know, what matters is praying to God, but it’s not just when other people are around. Yeah. What also matters is, is the personal prayers you have to God when no one’s around. What happens when no one’s looking might even matter the most in the whole scheme of things, right? So kind of planting those seeds with them that it’s it’s your personal relationship. It’s not a just a group thing we’re doing. Yeah. It’s not just a talk or pray as a group together. Right. It’s a family thing. No, it’s a God thing and it’s a personal relationship thing. Yes.

Oh I love that. Yeah. So, you know, one of the things that we have shared a lot in Matthew four four is where Jesus answers and he says, man shall not live by bread alone, but every word that comes from the mouth of God. This is when he’s been baptized and he goes into the wilderness. He’s tempted by Satan for 40 days and nights, and he’s tempted to turn stones into food. Right? And he says, no man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. And understanding that reading our Bibles, that should be the thing that is nourishing us. That’s what’s giving us the sustenance to keep going. And whatever it is that we’re doing and we need, we need to give our kids that kind of nourishment. That’s a spiritual nourishment. The bread of Life is a spiritual nourishment. We need it as moms and dads, but our kids also need it because they’re human too. And so let’s let’s move on to the third point, which is to pray with your kids and for your kids. That’s kind of an obvious one. But but here’s the deal. Like there are some questions that we should probably ask. Like when you pray for your kids, do you pray for them worldly desires or do you pray for them? The will of God? Whoa. Hold on a second. Now all these little bumpy questions start coming up. Well, how do you know what the will of God is for your child’s life? Like, I don’t know what they’re going to do. Like, what is God’s will for Xander when he grows up? Isaac. He’s three years old. If I say Isaac, what is God’s will for Xander when he grows up? Workwise what is he going to do specifically for work?

But he’s going to protect mankind.

Well, because that’s what we named him. But but in reality, though, like, we don’t necessarily know the details, but we can pray for God’s will for him to be done, and we can be raising him up in the way that we know God has called us to raise him up. We can be stirring them up to good works. We can be giving him opportunities, seeing his gifts and skills, and trying to encourage him in the things that we see him thriving at and really enjoying. Um, and, and give him opportunities to find out what his talents are. Right. And, and what is it that God has given him. But there there are a couple verses in Scripture that as parents, when we’re praying for our kids, we need to be praying the will of God, not be praying our will. One of the things that I have really realized over the years is that everybody has a will for your life. Yeah, you might have a will, but God has a will for your life. But then sometimes does your wife have a will for your life? Isaac. That honey do list gets pretty lit. Big, right? Honey, honey, I have a will for you.

I’m tired as we speak.

No, but same goes for you. To me, right? Like we. I’m just being honest that, you know, the reality is, is that there are other people too, that like. Oh, pastor, you need to do this. Oh, yeah. Like, different people have a will for you. But here’s the deal. Romans 12 one and two. It gives us a good reminder of how we find out what the will of God is.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

So is that what we want for our kids? What’s perfect? What’s what’s what is the will of God is what’s perfect. Actually. That’s it. It’s not that they would be rich, or that they would be famous, or that they would it. It’s like, no, what is God’s will for our child? Actually, it’s that they would be fulfilling the purpose that he created them for.

And that Jesus would be their master, not themselves.

I love it. You preached on that this Sunday. It was such a good sermon. I hope that it gets online on the website, but it’s there. Oh, already? How’d you do that?

Rooted Bible church? I think it automatically happens now. There’s people doing things, taking care of things.

Praise the Lord. I didn’t even know. Okay, so I want to share with you guys another scripture that is in John chapter 15. It’s verse seven in regards to praying for your children. This scripture is the one of our favorites. It’s the vineyard scripture, right? Because we had a vineyard with our kids and, um, it’s the vine and the branches passage. Yeah. But verse seven says, if you abide in me and my words abide in you. Ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. By this my father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. And then, so this is the thing. A lot of people could take that scripture and they could treat Jesus like a genie in a bottle. Oh, if I’m if I pray he’s going to give me whatever I want. And that’s actually not how it’s.

Whatever God wants.

It’s not how it works. The whole point is that this entire the first seven verses talk about the importance of not being apart from God, but being abiding in his word and being in him. And this even says it here if you abide in me and my words abide in you, then whatever you ask, does that change what you ask? I think it does. I think it drastically changes what you ask when you are in God’s Word. You don’t ask for the own your own fleshly desires things. You start asking for God’s will to be done. And like we just read in Romans 12, it’s about God’s will for your life.

100% agree. But I also just want to encourage everybody that we have a good God that does want us to have. And that is true good things too. And so but we should be praying in his will and and whatever your will is, Lord. And so we can ask for things. But most importantly, whatever your will is Lord and children growing up that way, praying with them. Um, exercising that prayer muscle is key.

So the fourth point we want to talk to you about in these five crucial spiritual disciplines to leaving a legacy of faith, is praising Jesus together or worshiping him together? Um, praise and worship are two different things, but they also are the same. Like praise is a form of worship. Worship can be many different things in your life. Um, but praising Jesus together. John 423 says, but the hour is coming and is now here when the true worshipers will worship the father in spirit and in truth. For the father is seeking such people to worship him.

It actually will improve. Point three it’ll improve their prayer life because worshiping is praying to God essentially in song. And so you think about that. Think about the lyrics. That’s why the lyrics have to be biblical. They have to be right.

It has to be.

True worship in alignment with the Bible and the will of God. It’s so important. But because you’re actually praying, you know? So what kind of music do you want your children listening to? Because whatever they’re listening to, they’re meditating on those words, right.

And they get emotionally connected to them very serious way.

So it is really important what they listen to and praising Jesus together, seeing children praise Jesus is so key.

You know, yesterday when we were in church, our he just turned six. Eli was just belting out the worship songs. I could hear him so loud I could just. And I’m like looking at Ethan. He’s looking at his brother Ethan, who’s 14. Who was who, by the way, led worship all by himself on Sunday. And he did a phenomenal job.

I was like 150 people there.

And he. So he’s up there playing guitar, leading worship because his sister got sick the night before. And so it was literally like he was prepared to do all four because he knows the songs. But really, he was supposed to do two of them and she was going to do two. He took on all four, and I got my my six year old son who looks up to his brother so much. They have a really great relationship. And he’s looking up at Ethan leading worship, and he’s just belting it out and I’m like, this is one of the best things ever for our family, because to see that multi-generational discipleship, even within the family, where Ethan’s being a godly example of what striving to be a man of God is to his six year old brother at age 14. Yeah, he’s number six. He’s number eight. And to see that, I almost started crying. Um, because sometimes Eli will sing a lot, but sometimes he’ll get shy when you look at him. But he was surrounded by all these people singing. He wasn’t shy at all. I could hear him belting it out. And you know, one of the things that has hit me a lot is that the importance as a mom of recognizing that what we sing is meditation, like what you said, and that meditation is what changes our attitudes. It changes our hearts, it changes our minds. It changes us.

Another point you just brought up is your older siblings leading by example to the younger siblings. So because Ethan, potentially because it was his brother up there. Yeah. And seeing him sincerely belting out, he just.

Really is a sincere worshiper.

How much easier now is it for the three year old to do that? Because the siblings are doing that, the older siblings.

And boys, because sometimes you don’t see boys doing that. It’s more girls sometimes.

So who your children are around, how your older siblings are being is so important. So then as an important to pay attention to who the older siblings are around and peer influences, it is very important because your older siblings peer influences are going to influence the younger children 100%.

But I just want to reiterate what something that you said, because worship is important. It is meditation. We see that in other scripture. I meditate on your law day and night, and there are so many Psalms that talk about singing to the Lord, hymns and songs and spiritual songs and and how they shape us. Okay. And this is saying it, the hour is coming and now is here. So when you look at other scriptures that talk about the hour is coming or you look at other scriptures, I’m not going to share a bunch of those. But you know what I’m talking about because we’ve shared them in previous podcast episodes where it’s like in the last days there will come scoffers, and in the last days this will you’ll see this and you’ll see false teachers and you’ll see, like there’s so many warnings about those things that even happens within the church. They have seeped into the Greater Christian church all over the world. And there are there’s deception that is happening. And this is important that that if there’s an elder listening or a pastor or a pastor’s wife, I just want to encourage you right now that your role is to protect the doctrine of your church and to be listening and and and to be choosing people that are going to be leading worship, that are going to take that to heart. Right. Because the hour is coming. There are false teachers when when the true worshipers will worship the father in spirit and truth, not in falsehood, not even slight truth, not a half truth in spirit and truth. Just it that’s it in spirit and truth. And so we have to have that standard. Um, but, you know, we’ve got another scripture here in revelations 14 verse seven that is such an encouragement.

And he said with a loud voice, Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come, and worship him who made heaven and earth, the sea, and the springs of water.

Just having that perspective with your kids of like, you know, we could be here thousands of years, but he could also come back tomorrow. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, like, living as if both. The paradox of both at the exact same time is an encouragement to worship him with full abandon. Like full surrender, we just recently we had a wedding reception for our daughter at our house, and we had some dear, dear friends of ours that are part of the home church that we planted in bend, Oregon. And they all came and were here and we had a worship night the second night, and we did worship at the wedding reception. Megan and Ethan led worship, and that was really wonderful. But then we did like real full on worship for a while at the house the next day with all of them, and it was just awesome to just hear the children’s voices and all of us, like, there were 45 of us just singing in the house. It was the house of the Lord. People took turns.

Just spontaneously at the piano, grabbing the guitar.

It was rad.

It was.

Amazing. It was awesome. And I miss that with them. And I we did that during the summer too. But it wasn’t like a spontaneous and just like raw. Like it was this time. That wasn’t something that was planned. And I just want to say like, that is a special thing that you can with your community, just say, hey, let’s just worship God together right now. Like, I want to do this right now. Let’s just do it. And that’s how life should be. You should be walking in life with people where you can worship together. Well, how about this? Let’s leave a legacy of.

Faith this last summer, just inviting anybody that wants to come over to our house and worship and worship that was playing guitar, leading worship around the fire. Yep. Um, you know, were we familiar with the people enough to know if they were comfortable to sing and worship in close proximity? No, no, you just you just do it. You just obey God and do things. Yeah.

So the fifth point to five crucial spiritual disciplines to leaving a legacy of faith. Isaac. The fifth one is.

Serve God together. Oh, it’s so important.

We did a whole podcast episode on building God’s kingdom. Find ways. It was so powerful in America.

I know people listen actually in over 190 countries around the world, but but in America, We’re so self-sufficient in modern times. In most places, we’re so self-sufficient that it becomes harder to see opportunities to serve, and it becomes harder to even want to do it. Sometimes because we get busy, because so many things are actually done for us that used to not be done. So now we take on more and more and more things on. We say yes to more things. So, um, let’s slow down and serve God together once in a while. Because if they don’t grow up serving God, they’re.

Not going to do it when they’re older. Yeah, they’re going to get too busy. And I think that again, it’s like, what habits have you exercised with your kids that they then have a heart for? They’ve experienced serving like last night we had, um, our new church that, that we just planted, um, teamed up with, um, well, someone at the church decided they wanted to do Operation Christmas Child, which many of you guys have probably participated in this with your churches before, and it was just awesome. We took our three younger kids down to the church and helped with, um, packaging the boxes. We went shopping for kids before that. Not for my kids. My kids got to pick out toys for other kids needs like nail clippers and nail files and things like that for other kids. And I was able to talk to them about how these kids have never had a gift before, and that they’re going to get the gospel of Jesus in the box, along with all the toys and the things that they might need, like a bar of soap.

Our three year old was so into it I couldn’t believe it. He was.

So. It’s true. He was so into it. So if you think your kids are too little to get it, that’s a lie from the devil. Take your three year old.

To prevent him from putting six hairbrushes in one box.

No, honey, they don’t have that much hair. Maybe they had. Maybe that kid had a family with six siblings. Who knows?

Or someone? No, I know another one.

We need.

Another one. But it was fun walking through with him, seeing his heart and what he would pick and and praying over the box and just just very, very, very, so sincere.

He held that box with his little hand and he had his eyes pinched tight and he was praying. It was the sweetest thing ever. And you know, the six year old and nine year old to, um, actually saw him still eight. But, you know, the reality is, is that doing those things, those are the different exercises. I remember collecting sleeping bags at a work Christmas party to to take with our kids down to the Union Gospel Mission, the rescue mission down in downtown Portland with for all the homeless people. There’s just been so many projects over the years that we’ve done with our kids that we’re serving together in a practical way, meeting a practical need. That would be something that would really, like, hit home with the kids and, you know, serving at VBS. That’s another thing I’ve done with the older kids, um, in the past. And there’s just there’s so many ways that you can serve with your family. And I think that it is an important thing, and you may feel like you’re too busy to do it, but actually you’re too busy not to do it. It needs to be one of the most important priorities. If you want to leave a legacy of faith and you want to activate your kids, to actually be a member that is functioning and active and using their gifts within their church when they’re older, they need to practice that when they’re younger. So we have a couple of scriptures for this too, but I’m just going to share the last one, which was Matthew 28. This is rad because this is like one of our favorite verses. The Great Commission go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age. God has commanded this to all his people, that is, for all of us to be doing. And if we’re not doing it right where he planted us, first and foremost, we’re missing it.

Now here’s the unprecedented times tip. It’s very easy to be a fear based parent, to actually fear the future for our children, to fear the decisions our children will make to to to fear and wonder if they’re going to accept the Lord or not and these kinds of things. And instead I would exhort you to not fear at all. God tells us not to fear anything in this world, but to fear him, which is a different kind of fear for his power, his awesomeness and love for us. Um, and but you know, what helps you not to fear in the wrong ways is doing these five crucial spiritual disciplines. Yeah. And it’s really important with the distractions, with the ability to get to kids through technology. You might. Oh, not my kids. They’re going to be older at some point. They’re going to have technology. Okay. They’re going to have access at their fingertips to everything. Yeah. Everything possible that you can unfortunately imagine they will have access. Now the question is will they get access? Will they try to get access? Will they go in their godly way or go in the wayward way? And you can’t save your kids, but you can do a lot to point them to Christ. You can do a lot to disciple them. You can do a lot through your example to be an example and the stats are going against you. The stats are terrible about what’s working out for the next generation. And so it’s very important that you are more intentional than previous generations, even about the spiritual disciplines and relationship with God that you have there, exhibiting to your kids and doing these five things. It’s part of why we created the Courageous Parenting program, too. So if you want help, the very first session, there’s 37 scriptures about the theology of parenting with practical insights and just session one. So I encourage you to go to Courageous Parenting.com and check that out. Hey, and.

Isaac, can churches do that together too? Why don’t you share with people how churches we’re getting?

There’s a church going through it right now, and we’re getting testimonials that are from the pastor, from from people going through it that are amazing. And it’s we’ve changed it to so it’s completely self-paced now. And you have control of the dashboard and the pace. You do it. So that’s easier for churches. It’s easier for individuals. Yeah. But still getting alive in a month. But hey, we so appreciate you being part of the 10 Million Legacies movement and being part of the podcast. I hope you love it. I hope you share it.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

 

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

From Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

History.org join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey fellow courageous parents, welcome to the show. Hey guys, so glad you’re here. We’re always trying to think about what do people need. What are we hearing that people need and delivering that in the most raw, real, biblical way possible?

Yeah, I would say that this is this conversation that we’re going to have today is probably a synopsis of one of the most important questions that we get asked on a regular basis through the Courageous Parenting Podcast, as well as our parenting program that we have as well. And doing the Q and A’s, that’s it’s literally almost comes up every single time. Yeah. So we thought that we would do a three tips or three keys to handling, to handling influences in your kids lives. I mean, the best way to say this is extended family influences, because family is always going to be family, right? And so you want to have open dialogue, you want to have good relationships, but you also need to rise up as parents, understanding that you have a jurisdiction to parent your kids and to protect them, and to make sure that the people that are influencing them are influencing them in a biblical way.

So you and you may have really good extended family, godly people, but even then they might be a little bit far removed from parenting themselves. And the world changed a little bit. And there might be some things to talk about, or you might have some, okay, some things are good and some things are challenging. And then you might have, you know, really challenging situations. This episode will help all of you. And we’re excited to give you these three keys.

But before we do, we just want to say thank you for listening to the Courageous Parenting Podcast. We are getting close to our six year anniversary in just about a month. Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day and I was like, wow, can you believe how long we’ve been at it?

Never missed a week.

I know 300 and what, 300 and almost 320 20 episodes. Somewhere over there. Yeah. And so we have just been going, going, going. Isaac, you’ve been tremendous at helping us to stay faithful in every week. There were years where I had postpartum, you know, a time where I was having a break and Isaac would get on the podcast and he still would shoot it on his own or he’d interview somebody. It was really always turned out really great.

Through all the Covid weirdness and all everything. Yeah, we kept going. But it’s good. Consistency is a good thing. And I’m sure you have things you’re consistent with in your life. It’s important to pick a few things you never stop.

But I just want to highlight a couple of our, you know, some of our favorite ones for just a second, because those of you who maybe are new listeners don’t realize that you have 320 some episodes to choose from, and they’re all between half an hour and an hour long. As far as just biblical teaching on topics that are relevant to parenting today, um, everything from, you know, what are we teaching our kids in regards to obedience to authority, right. And when is it biblically? Um, okay. And reasonable that we would be disobedient to civil authorities. Right? That came out.

In 2020 that I’m sure you can think of.

Popular ones. Another was one of the most popular ones that you recall.

Oh, you know how to overcome becoming angry as a parent? Yeah, that’s.

Probably one of our most popular as well as I remember. Like the first few episodes are always like.

Strategic relocation, why we strategically relocated and, um, resources. And I think we give about eight reasons actually. Yeah. That we personally came up with why we moved.

Yeah. And then of course there’s, there’s different ones like 11 Reasons Why We Homeschool. That’s always been a very popular one, even back in my blogging days.

Of course, there’s you know.

Why we don’t do sleepovers?

Handling disobedience, handling whining, uh, disrespect all these kinds of things. Talking about.

If you’ve got a kid with a crushed spirit, even our story dealing with miscarriage and loss and lots.

Of marriage episodes. Really good Practical Marriage episodes as well.

Okay. So anyway, we just gave you a fire hose synopsis of a lot of episodes.

An easy way to find them. They’re all at courageous Parenting.com. You can get there by Be Courageous Ministry org, where all the resources are, but you can also Google or whatever browser you use. Courageous parenting in the topic and then it’ll come up. Mhm.

That’s right. Okay. So one of the things that I wanted to share with you guys right now with homeschooling, I’m realizing that, you know, not realizing I’ve known this for a long time, but this is something that I have to remind myself. So this is a little word of encouragement for homeschool moms for just a second. Um, homeschooling and schooling and education is not always just books. It’s not always just sitting and doing workbooks. You need to have a combination of hands on activities to make the things that you’re reading and learning in books come to life. Amen. Right. And so one of the things that we’ve loved. We’ve been doing master books this year as our main. I would say it’s our main curriculum because it’s the main thing that we’re using for most of the kids.

And have the kids been liking.

It, they so far, it’s been great. Yeah. Um, Eli, my my kindergartner is always eager to get his schoolwork out, if you know what I mean. So he likes to be big, and he’s the one that’s doing the full kindergarten curriculum through master books. And that’s been really great because he’s a very artistic, creative person. And so there’s been a lot of opportunities for him to be able to expand that into that world for him, which has been great. But having access to videos through Master Books Academy is also an option, especially as your kids get older and they’re doing those older curriculum options, which is really good because then they’re not just reading a book, but they’re also getting that dialogue. They’re listening. They’re if they’re visual or audio audio audible learners, then utilizing a curriculum that also has an opportunity to be able to have a teacher teaching them is a great tool. And so that’s one of the things that I’ve loved about it. And then putting it into practice this last week you voted with some of the kids.

Yeah, it was so good.

So they wanted to go with dad. And so that was awesome. I mean, I was even thinking about first time.

Voters with.

Me. That’s right. Our 19 year old and 18 year old were voting for the first time. And so and, you know, we have a couple other kids that have voted in a couple of elections. And so that’s really an exciting multi-generational legacy.

So where do they get the resources.

So go to master books.com/courageous. And you can find out what my favorite curriculums are there on that page. But then go ahead and research. One of the things I love about it is that you can take certain things and substitute them in each grade level, like if you don’t want to do the American history and you want to do a different one, you can choose to do a church history or a different history curriculum because they have many options. Same goes for science. You can plug and play on certain curriculums as the kids get older in grade level. So that’s been a real huge encouragement to me. So. Okay, let’s dive in. We want to start by just reading from Ephesians chapter 429. Um, because this last week in the heart of the home, um, I was talking to the women in the Bible study in our app about, um, training your lips and your mouth and, and and how death and life are come from the tongue, essentially. Right. And this one verse really stood out to me when you and I were preparing for today, because one of the most common questions that we’re going to be basically encouraging you guys through today is how do you have those hard conversations with extended family members or even really close friends in your life, whether you go to church with them and they’re in biblical community that you want to continue doing life with, right? But you need to have a hard conversation about maybe something they’re either doing or that’s something that they are exposing your kids to that you don’t want them to be exposed to.

And so that’s a hard conversation, right. Like we’re talking boundaries would be a conversation word, um, description of somewhat of what we’re talking about as well. But people can get offensive. Mhm. It can be hard to have those kinds of conversations with people. And we get that. That’s something that we’ve taught on a lot in the Courageous Parenting program. Um, actually is how, how do you have these hard conversations. And I just love, um, being able to encourage parents on something that’s really real. And right now, I would say in the last 4 or 5 years, a lot of parents have they’ve they’ve realized a different reality about the world. Right. And so one of the terms that I like to use often is taking the rose tinted glasses off. And as parents, we have to we have to be able to see the reality of the condition of the human heart, what’s going on in the world. And we need to parent and shift our parenting to be more bold and to understand that we’re going to be held accountable. So we’re going to talk about that today, too. Um, but here’s the deal. When you’re having those hard conversations, you want to be biblical about the conversation. So here’s Ephesians four, um, 29, which says, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.

And then it just continues on talking about not having bitterness or wrath or anger or slander. Be put. Having those be put away from you along with malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as in God. Christ forgave you. Okay, so I gave you an extra verse there. But, um, we want to be building up. So the goal of this kind of a conversation is obviously going to be to make your relationship with those people, um, stronger than it would be built up that hopefully they, um, do see the world the way you see the world. And they want to be helpful and supportive and parenting in a like minded way. And I’m not talking about co-parenting here. I’m talking about like, if you have friends who are parenting their own kids and you want to run the race with them, or if you have grandparents or aunts and uncles or even older siblings like we do, we have older siblings who’ve launched from the house, but we still are parenting little kids. And so, um, having to have those kinds of conversations where it’s like, no, this is not how we’re raising our kids, or we don’t want them doing this, or we don’t want them exposed to that or whatever. Like you have to be able to have these kinds of conversations.

So yeah, absolutely. So the first of the three keys is when you’re talking to somebody, you want to appreciate what is good, what can happen. A lot of times these kinds of conversations are prompted with, uh, I’ve had enough. Something needs to change. You’re upset about something that happened or something they’re exposed to, or some kind of, uh, you know, different, you know, usurping authority or something like that. And then you’re having a marriage conversation late into the night, and then you’re frustrated and that’s all you can think about. But let’s not forget all the good things that are about their influence, and those are things we want to focus on, not just the negatives. And sometimes we can develop a critical spirit when we’re agitated about one thing, and we can spiral and think about all these things and connect all these things. And maybe it’s just not all true. And so it’s really important that we remind ourselves, renew our mind and remind ourselves what is good about their influence and be able to talk about those. So if you’re ever going into a meeting, make sure there’s some good things you can talk about at the beginning, because that creates a space of relationship building. And that’s important.

Yeah. And then people don’t think that you’re only looking at what’s bad and overlooking the things that are good, because that could be hard for somebody if they were on the receiving end of the conversation. Right. And so treating people the way you would want to be treated, that’s just a common thing, right? Like I, you know, if someone had to confront me on something, I would hope that they would also be acknowledging of the good things that I’m doing as well, so that it just doesn’t feel like it’s attack, attack, attack.

Because what happens is they will get defensive. Why? Because they don’t know that, you know, there are good things, right? And you’re only saying bad things. So then they have a hard time hearing you because they’re like, yeah, but I did this thing or yeah, but I’m with you. I’m doing this.

Yeah. I mean, that’s one of the things when it comes to communication, good communicators and people who actually have like the best heart intentions for other people, they don’t just come at, well, you know, we love you, but we have this we see this problem, right? Instead, it needs to be, hey, listen, this is good and this is good, and this is good and this is good, but we’re really concerned about this. That would be a much better, healthier way to go about it, because the other person doesn’t necessarily know what’s in your heart and that you actually do appreciate anything, actually, unless you verbalized it. If they don’t know what’s in your heart and in your mind, then you need to communicate it. And so communication.

Is most situations intentions are actually good. They’re just maybe misapplied. And maybe you see things differently. Maybe you have a more biblical view of something and they don’t. But it doesn’t mean their intentions are bad. Now sometimes some of you there are people with bad intentions. I understand that that’s a whole different thing, but I think a lot of times intentions are good. They just might not be looking at things the same way. And so if we go in with some assuming virtue about their intentions, you’re going to have a far better posture in the way you communicate.

Mhm. Oh so good. Okay. So let’s move on to the next thing. The second thing after you’ve been appreciating them and appreciating the things that you’re thankful for and aware of that inner critic like you were saying and, and trying to create a relationship space for communication where they don’t feel like you’re just coming down on them. Right. Um, the reason why this is so important. I just want to wrap that up, is that it’s important that we as Christians are practicing that muscle of genuinely healthy, biblical like thankfulness. The Bible talks about it over and over and over again, and one of the things that is easy to do in relationships, especially people that you’re really familiar with, you say this all the time. Familiarity breeds contempt. And so you can take one another for granted, right? And just focus on the negative things. Instead, you need to actually focus on the things that are good, not overlook the. I mean, sometimes you are. It’s two mans glory to overlook an offense. So sometimes there are things you overlook. You don’t want to be nitpicky and have a critical spirit and expect perfection. But there is also this element of being able to talk about those things. But if you’re constantly only negative, your relationships aren’t going to be healthy. And so you need to evaluate yourself. This podcast episode is is more for the individual that’s listening than it is for anybody else. It’s important that as the parent that maybe is taking on the role of rising up and going, I need to be more serious about my protecting my kids, and I need to have some serious conversations with some people who are influencing my kids. And you’re like, yep, okay, I’m convicted about that first step. Evaluate your own heart. Make sure that you’re genuine in finding things to be appreciative for.

Hey, if sometimes people just have not, they haven’t been on your journey in the same way you know your journey. They don’t know how you’ve changed and maybe you’ve changed and other people around you haven’t in the same way, the same direction. And so you have to recognize that too. Your change might be gradual but consistent, and then you’re in a different place looking at things differently. God might have got a hold of you about something and convicted your heart, but there’s people out there with their heart hasn’t been convicted in the same way. Well, what did God have to do to get you there? Yeah.

You know, having long suffering with other people and and really it’s understanding. Yeah. Like living with people in an understanding way that they’re not exactly in the same spot as you. Yeah, but the next thing. So we have three tips in this episode, and we’re going to talk about the second tip right now, which is discussing your worldview. So after you’ve been appreciative and you’ve laid that foundation of like, yeah, I want to be able to have an open conversation where we’re able to like, acknowledge the things that are good, but also talk about some hard things. And so, you know, we want to just discuss with you guys about, you know, the reality of what’s happening in the world today. I’m sure you guys would agree. That’s a great statement. I’m sure you guys would agree.

So what she’s saying is always start with agreement. See if you’re going to have to share tough things with people. Find a common ground first of where you do agree. So there’s a basis point. There’s like this camaraderie that you can agree on something. And that point of agreement also influences what you’re about to talk about. This is just basic stuff. But it’s super important to remember. Sometimes we want to cut to it and we’re just like, if we’re in that there’s this critical spirit or we’re were agitated. We just we just start bumbling out these things and we didn’t really think through it, pray through it, and then it just comes across as judgmental. It comes across as a critical spirit. It comes across in a non-relational way or condescending even. The goal is that you can speak truth, that this deepens your relationship because of how you approach it. And I really think in most cases, how we approach it will determine whether we have a better, deeper relationship afterwards or a hurt relationship. Right. And so a lot of that. And so Romans 12 two, to help us to do that is this is such a good Scripture. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Is this the will of God that you talk to them? I mean, we got to check into that too, right?

Praying about if it’s the right timing or is this going to be overwhelming for them? Are they in a place in posture, in their own space where they could actually hear you write is your relationship. Have you invested in the relationship to where you can actually talk to them about the relationship?

The more you can talk about?

That’s right. But if you just come in and you’re like constantly correcting and you’re telling people what to do, it’s super unhealthy.

And nobody wants to hear your knowledge if there’s no relationship.

Totally. Yeah. So, you know, as we’re talking about discussing your worldview, this really and Isaac just read a passage, just a verse in Scripture about not being conformed to the world, but really as Christians, using the whole Bible as your your roadmap for how you assess and judge and discern the world. Right. And the church, as far as like making wise decisions as parents. Like you have to take the rose tinted glasses off and see reality, and sometimes that can be hard. But there are a lot of decisions that parents make over the years, right? Like they have to decide if they’re going to vaccinate or not. They have to decide what education choices they’re going to make. They have to decide what kind of food they’re going to feed their family, if they’re ever going to do fast food or not. They have like literally every day, there’s a million different decisions that parents make. And when you have other people that you’re running the race with and they’re doing something that’s totally different than you, that is fine. It’s just if there’s something that’s rubbing wrong, like, let’s say, education, for example, if their kids are being educated with things that you would consider worldly, even lies or things that are not, they are untruths and they’re actually teaching your kids things that you don’t want them to be taught that that could be contentious. And so you have to and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be friends with people who choose a different education choice.

That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, do you have a strong enough relationship with that family to be able to talk parent to parent with them about the fruit that you’re seeing and the things that you know and encourage them as iron sharpens iron. If you don’t have that iron sharpens iron in any relationship, that you are allowing those people to influence your kids, then they should not have a seat at the table or be on the the inner team, if you will. As far as raising your kids go and having influence, you have to be able to have that. Iron sharpens iron. I’m going to be able to talk to you about this kind of relationship. Otherwise they have to take a bench seat actually on the team. And so that’s I mean, you guys, I know this is hard to hear, but parenting is hard. And if you’re going to raise your kids with a firm biblical legacy in today’s world, you’re going to have a lot of hard decisions you’re going to have to make. And so, you know, you have to evaluate em. Are you walking with a humble posture? Also, in those relationships where iron sharpens iron, it’s not that sharpening is only happening one way. It’s going to come back at you. And so you have to be willing to receive it if you’re going to dish it.

I think a way you can talk about these things is you go, hey, I’m learning a lot, and I’m adjusting some things in, in our parenting and my parenting. And I just wanted to tell you why. Because and find agreement. Because I think you could agree. You know, the world’s changed in a lot of ways. The attack on children and attack on families is more overt. It’s more out in the open and direct with technology and all the pieces. There’s just a real big attack. And so I really believe it takes more intentionality to parent these days to keep our kids on a godly path and pointed to Jesus. And the influences have a big influence, and you’re really important influence in their lives. And so I wanted to have this discussion because my heart’s desire is that our influences are in alignment in the same direction.

Right. But what is that direction? So this is why this second key is so important, is that you’re going to talk about your worldview. You’re going to talk about what you want for your legacy and what you don’t want for your legacy. From a biblical perspective. So yeah, you’re going to talk about dating, for example, from a biblical perspective as best as you can, and you’re going to talk about school from a biblical perspective as best as you can, but with a humble heart of like, I’m still learning. Isaac and I have been parenting for 24.5 years, and we are still learning. And so there’s this element of like, do you have a teachable heart? Are you always in a heart posture of being willing to learn? If you are, you’re it’s much easier for people to listen to your advice and to listen to your concerns. If you have proven yourself to be one of those people and been an example to them of what it looks like to have a teachable heart, um. Proverbs 22 six is one of those verses that everybody’s super familiar with. It’s train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it. But what’s the way he should go? That’s the you have to decide what is the way he should go, right? Based upon the Bible, not extrabiblical things. And then discuss that like you’re going to decide. Let’s just talk about sleepovers for a brief second. You’re going to have to decide between you and your spouse. Are we going to do sleepovers as a family? And then you’re going to have that conversation with the grandparents, with the aunts and uncles, with the friends, and tell them if you decide not to.

This is part of why we created the Courageous Parenting program, because you have the Bible. And when Angie says that, make sure it’s biblical. Sometimes it can be hard to understand.

Like the Bible doesn’t say sleepover.

Yeah, it doesn’t have all these things. And so how do you apply biblical truth to the issues of today when we know we need to be more intentional? But what is that? And so we laid it out in ten hours of curriculum. It’s all self-paced. It’s got this blueprint, parenting blueprint. You even get a live with us where you can do Q&A in the app. You get the app free for a couple of months. It’s such an invaluable resource over 3000 parents have already embraced and it is changing, transforming their legacy. And so it is really important that, you know, it goes beyond just getting a little book or something like that. It is biblically based, practical insights. And literally we’re seeing legacies transform. So you can find out more about that at courageous Parenting.com. But such a good point.

Yeah. So when, when, when it says train up a child in the way he should go, you have to talk about like, what are the ways that you as a couple have decided. So that’s actually like you can’t even go into a conversation with extended family members or close families that you’re running the race with on this kind of topic necessarily, if you don’t have an answer for why you believe what you believe. So first step is, which we didn’t even talk about this. Like you should actually go on a date night with your spouse, or do a date night in after the kids are in bed and talk and prepare and plan and go, okay, so what are the things that we want to just we want to share with them, you know, like what? What is the way they should go that we believe and are in alignment on and have that prepared so that you can do this. Step two of the conversation. Absolutely. So what’s step three of the conversation? Okay. Let’s just take a moment from the podcast for a second, because I want to talk to you about a spiritual discipline of worship and leaving that legacy of worship. That was something that was super important to Isaac and I. But neither of us had musical skills, and so we paid thousands of dollars over the years to have our kids learn instruments from piano and guitar, violin to voice lessons. And I don’t regret any of it because they’re very capable. But there is a better, faster, cheaper way through Voorburg music Academy.com.

The Vote Burke method approaches music differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading, and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down to practice with. By ear training and song based learning, students see immediate results and learn technique, note reading, and theory in a context that will stick with them forever. And what makes it even better? They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep instead of learning music in an isolation boat. Music Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin or ukulele for less than $30 a month. That’s right. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, the vote method provides community with thousands of other like minded Christian families to celebrate with and learn from. Students are given accountability, performance opportunities, and live feedback from their instructor and printables to help them stay on track. Unlike traditional music lessons that students soon forget, the Music Academy creates lifelong lovers and players of music in just a few months. Use my code courageous to get 20% off. Every month your family is enrolled and learn music in a way that sticks. Now let’s get back to the podcast. Well, you got.

To know jurisdictions and in relationships. See, sometimes extended family need to know how their jurisdiction with in regards to your children is different than your jurisdiction with your children, right? You have a higher jurisdiction, a more important jurisdiction. You have the most important one. And so and other people need to respect that, but they also have a jurisdiction to based on their relationship with your children and being family and so forth. And we want to respect that, but we need others to respect our authority, authority, our parental authority that cannot be usurped, that cannot be manipulated in any way to manipulate the kids away from the parent’s authority. That’s right.

Or the parent’s wishes for how they’re being raised right. Like if you’re if you really want your kids to be pure, and you’re trying to protect their their eyes and their their minds from being led astray by wayward things that are on media, for example. And maybe you have a family member where they’re just not careful and they have cable on. And it’s just like all kinds of weird stuff is going up on the TV. And it’s concerning to you that is something worthy of having a meeting about. But you would want to go through this.

Or somebody influencing sleepovers when you’ve made a hard, fast rule that we’re not going to do.

That and that they know, see, that’s where it becomes a problem is if they know what your rule is and they keep bugging the kids and trying to push it, that right there, that that right there is undermining, undermining the parents authority. And that’s just not biblical. It’s actually anti scriptural. We’re going to read here from Deuteronomy chapter six. There’s actually quite a bit here that is important. I’m going to skip around a little bit because it’s a long chapter. It’s 25 verses. But in verse one it says now this is the commandment okay. So commandment. Listen up. This is the commandment, the statutes and rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them. So you have to do them okay, that you may do them in the land which you are going over to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God. Do you have fear of the Lord your God like? And then it goes on here in a second when it comes to fear of the Lord. Like do we as parents understand the jurisdiction that God has given us, that he is going to hold us accountable to how we parent our kids? That should create a healthy fear of the Lord. And we’re going to share some other verses here that should also, you know, if you haven’t had enough fear of the Lord in you, we’re going to share those. But it says that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son.

So we have multi-generations here. Um, and obviously Deuteronomy talks heavily about parents parenting their children. It doesn’t specifically say that the grandparents are parenting the children. It says that the parents are parenting the children, but it is clear that it’s passed down multigenerationally here. And so there should be this camaraderie. If there’s biblical like mindedness, that’s key. Has to be biblical like mindedness in order for there to be a passing on of God’s commandments from one son to the next son to the next son. Right. And so that is that is huge. It says, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you all the days of your life, and that your days may be long, and then it just continues on, and it talks about, um, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

It’s literally saying like all the time basically. Right. And so as parents, we’re to be doing it and teaching it all the time to our children. But then when we have grandchildren, we need to be that steady, stable patriarch and matriarch of the family in a sense that’s trustworthy and supporting the the kids when they have their kids. Yeah, right. Like that. You would be so biblical that your kids, when they have kids, would be able to just say, hey, will you watch the kids? We trust you. Yeah. You know, there’s there’s no worry that you’re going to teach them something wayward. There’s a complete trust in that. Right? And so you want to be living in a way where your kids trust you like that. Yeah, but you also want to be living in a way like that so that your kids learn it. But then this this does bring up the whole concept of grandparents, which if you flip back just one chapter in chapter five, verse 16, you have God literally commanding us. Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God has given you. But here’s the thing a lot of times people take that to an extreme, to where they disobey God in honoring their parents. And that’s not biblical.

Oh, there is a time to to.

To not obey parents.

Which is if parents are calling their children to disobey God. Right. Just like there’s a time to disobey the government if the government is calling Christians to disobey God, right?

Exactly. So obeying God the Father, he is the ultimate authority. He usurps every other authority that’s in your life. And so you always have to look back to that. Right. But you can also when, when you’re when you’re older, like we’re older and we have older parents, right. We don’t have to obey our parents. We honor them. Right. But not at the expense of obeying God.

There has to be a leave and cleave. And if you have extended family that are.

Talking bad about you.

Or too involved, still treating you like a child.

That you’re going to lose respect from your kids as they get older. It’s going to be very.

There’s a jurisdiction problem happening, and there hasn’t been a real leave and cleave, and that’s going to wreak havoc on your parenting.

But, you know, I think that when it comes to like understanding that as parents and grandparents, God has called us to this jurisdiction. Right? And this is this is the third part. I just want to remind you, this is the third part of the conversation that you need to have with people is that you’re sharing with them that your heart, that you know, you’re going to be held accountable by God for how you raise your kids and that you understand that that’s your responsibility, including who is influencing your children. That is true. And it’s also including who you allow and invite to have influence in your children’s lives, which is a big thing. Like you and I were just talking about how, you know, our boys played football this last season. It was really fun. And and the team analogy is actually perfect for this because you pick players as the coach, you pick players that are going to be best suited in different positions on the team, and you have your key players right based upon their skill, their the what you believe. They’re going to actually serve the team best in. Right? So you have your quarterback, you have your running backs, you have your tight ends, you have all these different positions. And then you have people that are on the sideline that sometimes get substituted in. So everybody has a different amount of time that they’re actually playing and the people.

On the sub line, so they’re not maybe as good. We’re not trusting them with as much play time. And that might be somebody where you’re trying to navigate where they’re at. And but you’re being careful that your kids aren’t confused or hurt or any way. And then there’s the ones that get a penalty and get kicked out of the game. And you know, that’s because and they don’t.

Get to play.

The next game was broken. Yes. You know, and there needs to be some mending and there needs to be trust rebuilt and these kinds of things. Right. And we need to take these things seriously. Family is extremely important. But you know, what’s most important is your children. In terms of family.

And who they become in the future. Which again goes back to point two. Like, what do you want for your legacy and what do you not want? Right? And so you have to be very clear there. And then you go into your jurisdiction understanding that this is your responsibility and that you if, you know, realizing like that, this is a big deal and saying, hey, we want your support, we do want your support, but it has to be this kind of support.

As parents, you get to say that actually. Yeah, you get to say, here’s how it needs to be as long as you can back it up biblically. As long as it’s good, it’s fruitful, it’s loving. You know, the loving thing to do for your children is to make sure they have good influences and make sure you’re only building people up that are aligning with the way you’re parenting biblically, right? If you build someone up that is pulling away and wayward and causing division in your family, with your children, your relationship with your children. That is not smart. Now we want our children to respect and love extended family, but not at the detriment of how they are being raised. And if somebody in extended family does something, says something, allows something that goes against what you’re doing in your home, guess what you have to do? You have to correct it with your children, even if it notches away the respect from your children to them a little bit. You don’t want to do that. That’s not the heart behind it, but you have a right and a duty to correct things. Omission creates agreement.

It endorses it.

It endorses it. And so now what’s happening over here that you’re secretly agitated by, because you’re not letting your children know that it is now becoming an endorsement from you, too?

That’s right. And so you have to be super careful about what you’re willing to overlook. But it does say in Scripture it’s as to man’s glory, to overlook an offense. So sometimes if there’s like a personal offense, you have to decide, am I going to overlook that or am I going to go, you know, Matthew 18 and go to my brother or my mom or whoever it is and confront the offense? Right. And that’s based upon if you’re growing, if it’s growing in a bitter, a bitter root in your heart, you absolutely have to go. Matthew 18 but recognizing that, again, you can’t just have this critical spirit of like where people are walking on eggshells. That’s completely unhealthy. But there is a couple warnings that we wanted to give you guys, whether you’re a parent or a grandparent or an older sibling, and you’re you have influence and you need to be careful with your influence and recognize that you have the ability to influence other people. Matthew 18 chapter chapter 18, verse six actually is a huge warning. It says, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck, and to be thrown, to be drowned in the depths of the sea. So that’s a huge, huge warning for us, understanding that we all influence little ones.

Right? So who’s influencing your little ones? Are they influencing them towards sin? Because the Bible is really clear about this, and I think that we need to understand our responsibility and that that is one accountability right there. There’s going to be a judgment for people who are influencing little ones. And so sharing that with the grandparents, sharing that with the aunts and uncle, whoever it is, the friends that you know, you recognize that they are also going to be held accountable by God and that it starts first with you holding them accountable. And if they don’t listen and go, hey, yeah, I get it. I’m so sorry, I won’t do that again, or I’ll support you guys and we won’t watch that show when they’re at my house or, you know, whatever it is. Like, maybe they have a complete supportive heart. That’s awesome. You won them over. But if they don’t, then you just you have to set a boundary there because it’s a matter of you are protecting your legacy that God has called you to. And there are warnings. So for a lot of people, that may be the first time they’ve ever heard that they’re going to be held accountable for how they influence little ones, but that’s a big deal. So Matthew 18 verse six.

You know, it’s interesting because, you know, let’s say you’re doing a great job and your children respect you. They usually obey you. Sometimes there’s some issues you’re working on that that’s kind of a constant thing when you’re parenting and they love you and things are good. But let’s say someone else, this outside voice that they love and respect dearly, they don’t see as often, speaks something a little differently, allows a little more challenging movies to be watched than you want, or something like that. And they know it’s wrong, or it’s at least not what you want. Well, you know what happens sometimes those outside influences for the short term can have a bigger impact on kids because they hear your voice all the time. So just be careful. Oh, but they don’t see him that often. I want it to be a great experience. Just remember that those touch points can have a magnified impact because they don’t hear that voice very often. And so they just stick to it. They just they just grab onto it. And that’s good for maybe grandparents to hear or siblings to hear, aunts and uncles that might be listening. Because you know what? You have a massive influence. And even if the parents are doing a great job, they hear from the parents all the time. And it’s not that that they become noise, it’s just that when they hear that outside influence, it means a lot. So parents, we need to be vigilant about what other people are speaking into our children.

I’m not naturally artistic, at least not in the fine art sense. So when my kids showed early on that they loved art, I wanted to nurture that creativity. That’s why we love creating a masterpiece. They’re award winning art programs are for everyone ages four ish through 104. Plus, your family gets to practice drawing, using watercolors, charcoal sculpting, painting, and so much more. And the best part? You get to do it all together. Building relationships, making memories, and letting creativity grow. Visit creating a masterpiece.com/courageous to sign up for one low rate for your entire family that’s creating a masterpiece.com/courageous because anyone can create a masterpiece. You know you shared this next verse on Sunday in your sermon.

Yeah. James three one so good. Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

I think a lot of times people will not even recognize that, that playing a movie, for example, that is teaching something is them teaching something. Yeah, but it is because it’s how you’re living your life, which is what we get from them. It’s what we literally just read in Deuteronomy chapter six that you would walk, by the way, do these things right? So what we do in our life is modeling. It is teaching, and more is caught than taught verbally. We know that. That’s a very famous idiom. More is caught than taught. But at the same time, recognizing that we need to be purposeful in what we teach. But we need to not be hypocrites, but be actually walking what we believe. Um, you know, so as far as like grandparents go, like understanding that you have this role, that you are a teacher, actually, that you have wisdom, you have gray hair, you have this, um, that you’re in this season of your life where there should be honor, but you need to be living your life in a way that is respectable as well. And, you know, one of the things that’s super encouraging, you always share this verse on Mother’s Day. Isaac. Um, I’ve heard you preach on this many times. Yes, it’s in second Timothy one five. Eunice. That’s right. And I wanted to share it because this is an encouragement for the parents that when you have someone who loves the Lord and their heart is to be walking in the way. There is something powerful about that says, I’m reminded of your sincere faith.

So Paul’s talking to Timothy here. I’m reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. And now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. So there is a testimony here of a strong faith dwelling in the grandmother and the mother, and now in Timothy. And that is a beautiful testimony and encouragement to that. That goes in conjunction with the Scripture that you just read about. Not many of you should want to be teachers, my brother, unless you receive a stricter judgment, which is definitely applied to people who are teaching scripture. Um, even more so, like us doing this podcast, even like we have to, we have a fear and trembling understanding that there is a strong responsibility in that. But when you take all of Scripture and you take like even all these verses that we’ve been bringing up and there are so many more we could have shared with you guys today. But when you have this biblical mindset in your mind is constantly being renewed and transformed by the Word of God, and you’re recalling things. There are themes and truths that we know about God, that we know about how he wants us to live, that we can say we want this as part of our legacy. This is how we want to raise our kids. But it’s important that people communicate that with the grandparents, because the grandparents may or may not have been strong Christian parents. Right? And then if they’re far removed.

From having children at home, so they’re not thinking about all the same things. It’s not on their mind as much.

Well, maybe they need the reminder that it is their jurisdiction to have influence, but they need to be more careful with it because they’re going to be judged stricter. We can’t.

Expect people to know what we don’t tell.

Them exactly. Or, you know, but if you tell them, like, hey, did you know God? Like, I believe God placed you in this position of authority and influence for his glory, but you got to be careful with that influence. Yeah. Imagine if more grandparents heard that.

So here’s the unprecedented times tip. We always end with this, which is we are living in different times. I 100% believe that because of technology, the access to things and the enemy can use things in a greater, deeper, faster way to impact the next generation, distract parents, and create a busyness that was never supposed to be. That’s that’s unhealthy, frankly, because we’re constantly distracted by things. And so it’s so important that we don’t let anybody confuse our children. It’s so important that we understand we need to be more intentional than even previous generations of parents that were doing a good job. Even if you had great parents, there’s more intentional intentionality required today to do it right. We have to be courageous parents. It takes courage because we have to overcome fear to have hard conversations, but do it in a loving way, which doesn’t mean being weak about things. It doesn’t mean not saying things. That’s not what loving means. Loving means saying hard things in a way that someone’s willing to receive it because they can see your heart is for them, not against them. That’s what this is about. That’s what these three keys are about. And so if you want a legacy of faith, if you want a good legacy, if you want your parenting not to be usurped, if you want harmony in your relationships, especially with extended family, if you want alignment in parenting with other people that have influence, then you need to be the person that stands up and communicates effectively about the things that matter. And if you don’t, we can’t expect other people to even have an understanding and be on the same page because they’re not you.

That’s right. So, you know, I just want to recap the three points before we we end here. So when you’re trying to manage extended family friendship influences with your kids, there’s really no better way to put it. Um, there are three main things you’re gonna you’re gonna appreciate them. You’re going to be thankful. You’re going to spend time before you meet thinking of the things that you can bring up in the meeting that are going to help them to feel valued and loved. Because that’s an important thing that you as a and you need that actually you need that. The second thing would be discussing your worldview. You know, what does the Bible say? What is the ground? And finding common ground and finding common ground. Right. Are they agreeable or not? And actually during this session, that’s where you’re going to find out if they agree with you that the world is the way that it is or not. And if they don’t agree that it’s full of sin and that there’s this depravity of humanity and that it’s always been there, then hey, that’s a little red flag that maybe you can’t have them as the captain of the team, but instead they’re a sub that comes in like we were talking about later in the podcast. Right. And then the third thing is jurisdiction. Just talking to them about how incredibly important it is that you understand your responsibility. You understand that anyone who’s teaching your kids is going to be held to a stricter judgment. Any kids really, and then talking about wanting them to be a support and wanting to specific.

Areas that need to be talked.

About. Right. And and very clear about like what are the boundary lines? Like, you know, if if I’m doing something wrong as a parent, like, you know, sharing with your parents, I want to know, like, please do tell me, but don’t do it in front of my kids, because that would be disrespectful to me, you know what I mean? And like, so being able to have that back and forth, but at the same time, like recognizing that that privilege only goes to the people that you actually admire and have a biblical respect for.

Now there is a risk that you’re going to come across as self-righteous, and the way you diffuse that is humility. And humility breeds humility. So if you want a humble response and introspection on the other side, then you proactively come with a sincere heart and humility, even sharing some of your mistakes and what you’re learning and what you’ve come to where you are now. That is so, so important. The heart behind it is everything. Yep. Thanks for joining us. See you next time.

Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

From Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Welcome to the show. Hey guys, are we to ignore or expose evil?

How do you do that when you’re a mom? That’s. I mean, really, that’s the bottom line.

Or even a dad that’s busy and working a job.

I know, so, you know, obviously this question might be really obvious to you as a Christian, right? Because you’re like, well, we’re not supposed to ignore it or maybe not.

I mean, maybe we always see no evil being exposed when we go about when we talk with friends, when we go to church. Right. Maybe we’re not seeing that with people around us and communities we’re part of.

Yeah. I mean, there’s definitely a a human struggle to take the rose tinted glasses off, like I used to say all the time in the first season of the podcast. Right. Um, but I think that there is a need for us as believers to have a really important conversation right now. Is is probably the most relevant time in, in history of America right now. We’re talking about we’re.

Shooting this the day before the US elections.

In 2024. That’s a big deal. It’s a big deal.

It’s a big day tomorrow. And that’s when this episode actually comes out. So we’re like, that’s pressing on our minds, probably pressing on your minds. And most importantly, we want to do what’s going to equip our children for the UN. The different let’s just call it a different future they’re going to experience as adults.

Yeah, it’s interesting because as time goes on, I’m sure that you’ve had conversations with your parents, maybe your grandparents, and they lament about how much things have changed in a negative way, um, from when they were a child. And, and I definitely hear that from the older generations, too, where they’re literally in they’re appalled. They they can’t believe that our country is where it is right now. And I’m sure that regardless of where you are in the world, you’ve probably had similar conversations with people.

Imagine for a second you’re bumping your grandkids on your knee and they’re asking you, hey, hey, grandpa, in this happened in history. What did you. What did you do about it? What were you doing? What did you do about it? Right.

Because a lot of the the historical and family history stories that we hear are actually that our grandfathers went to war and they were activated and they were political, and they were involved in their communities and they were business owners, and they were, you know, so there were some really intense stories.

Yeah. So I think about those things. I actually have grandkids right now. Yes. They’re not old enough to ask me those questions, but I’ll be having grandkids for the next 20 years. Probably. Is that right? Or even.

Longer? Yeah. In 20 years, that’s when Xander will be 23 and he’ll just be getting started. So for the rest of our life, we’ll be having grandkids and great grandkids. It’s going to be rad. Yeah.

It’s amazing. What an amazing thing. So yeah, you know, it’s interesting time. I want to share a key scripture with you guys right here in Isaiah verse 20 says, woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. That’s the people that are saying, what’s bad is good and what’s good is bad. Woe to them. Of course, a lot of them don’t care because they don’t believe in God. We hope they do right. We hope people come to the Lord. We hope there’s a revival and people start stop calling what’s bad good.

Well, and he’s literally saying, woe to those who do that. Yeah, woe to you. It’s a bad thing if you’re calling good evil and evil good.

Isn’t that our society today?

Who do that? And so here’s the deal. We have to discern what is truly evil and what is truly good, so that we can rightly identify it and not fall into this sin of calling something evil when it’s good and calling something good when it’s evil.

I have some things I want to share with you, and we’re going to this is just the intro. We’re going to dive in. I think this is going to be one of the pivotal episodes. I hope you share it out there, because I think people must hear this message. It’s so important. Thomas Paine said those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigues of supporting it, and there is real fatigues in supporting freedom.

And we have to undergo them.

And sometimes it’s as small as you say something true in a circle that you’re in and it’s unpopular, or you’re correcting something that’s wrong and you get some pushback. That’s right. That doesn’t feel good.

Or maybe you even lose some friends, right? Like, if you’re recognizing that, let’s say there’s a common sin that you all participate in when you’re together, right? And it’s you’re feeling convicted or maybe you’re you’re going, okay, I’m going to have to confront them. I’ll just use one that I an experience I had many years ago. Ladies group I’ve shared this in regards to our marriage seminars that we’ve done in the past and the courageous marriage course. Don’t ever wives, here is a little wife tip. This is just a side tip. You’re welcome ahead of time. Don’t ever let people who are friends become part of your inner circle who will talk bad about your spouse, because that’s one of the that’s one of the things that’s the most toxic. Right? And so I remember many years ago going to a ladies group, and there was this toxicity of women gossiping about their husbands, and there was this pressure or temptation to commiserate and to add on and to get involved in that. And I remember coming home talking to Isaac about it almost.

In tears, actually. Yeah, I was.

So I was so upset by it because it was so negative. And I was sad for the marriages, but I also was like, wow, I don’t know if I can be friends with all of my friends.

And is there something more? Are there a group? Is there a group of women somewhere where that’s not happening? Right.

And so I’m just using this as an example. I’m not saying that this is happening in all ladies groups, but and that was just and it wasn’t even a ladies group like at church, it was just it was a bunch of women from church who went out to dinner together. And I, you know, I, I share this with you because sin was happening in that moment and I knew that I was going to have to if I was going to continue hanging out with them, I was going to be called to call evil evil, to stand up and say, I don’t think this is a good idea. We shouldn’t be talking about our husbands this way or whatever it is, and that I would potentially lose those friends from doing that. Right. And so whatever your circumstance is, whatever the temptation to sin is, whatever the evil is, that you are frustrated or maybe agitated, your spirit inside you is agitated by, we want to urge you, encourage you, give you courage to do the right thing. Yes, to do the right thing. Because this is about what is right and true and noble and godly versus what is evil, sinful, wrong, and not true a lie, right?

I mean, you just think about America for a second. I mean, America exists by exposing evil at the face of persecution. I mean, that’s how our country came to be. It’s how it stayed for a long time. So good and still an amazing country. But we’re at the precipice of some very dangerous change.

And and really, when it comes to that, what is the biggest factor for change in the future? It’s that we would be educating our children, all of us, the people who can discern true and right and good. Yeah. Are educating their children and equipping them with biblical truths so they can be wise. Because one of the scriptures we’re going to look at in a little bit here, it actually tells us that your wisdom is not wise if it’s not biblical wisdom. And so we have to teach our kids biblical wisdom so that they can actually discern what is true and what is right, so that because then if they’re equipped with how to discern, then we have to also equip them and encourage them with courage so that they stand up and they make a change in their generation. That’s really, truly like the only hope. I mean, that, and obviously we need to be pressing into our community and our kids friends as well. Yeah. And and this all comes, of course, stems from our love for Jesus Christ. Obviously, we want we don’t want to read the Bible just to have wisdom. We want to read the Bible because we want to know God. And so discipling your children, that’s just kind of a given. If you’ve been listening to the Courageous Parenting Podcast for any length of time, you know, we’re really big on discipleship and and really getting to the heart of things because that’s what God cares about the most.

Well, hey, I encourage you to go be courageous. Ministry. Org for all resources. The different podcast shows resolute man, heart of the home Angie does, uh, a podcast that comes out every Monday called heart of the home. 70% of the content is there, but if you want all of it, the Q&A live and the newer episodes and all that stuff and community, plus the Courageous Marriage series, if you really want to understand biblical marriage and help your marriage. Go be courageous in your app store but so many good resources and make sure you’re on our email list. And part of the reason we did the app too, is because as the world is changing, it’s going to be harder to share truth out there. For example, we just started a church and every single story that anybody shares gets taken down, it gets removed. Every single one. We haven’t even experienced that would be courageous ministry to this level.

No. Literally every time I’ve tried to share about the church and reshare one of their posts, it gets removed within five hours.

They call it inappropriate or spam, or they say.

You’re trying to gain likes in an.

And then a button. A button pops up where you can contest it and they promise to get back to you. And they contested it 15 times.

And yeah, no, they never no response. You never hear from them. But you know, okay. So as we’re talking about the importance of teaching your kids good between the difference between good and evil, right. That’s essentially what we’re talking about today. How to expose evil. You can’t expose evil if you don’t know the difference between them. So step one is, is figuring out what is good and evil. Right. Discerning that. And that comes from the Word of God. And you know, there is also this other conversation that we’re going to be having in today’s podcast. And this is regardless of what country you live in, it’s incredibly important that you teach your children the history of where their freedom comes from, both biblically through church history as well as your country’s history. So for us, since we live in the United States and like Isaac said, the election is tomorrow. It’s incredibly important that you’re teaching your kids the Constitution, that they know the Bill of rights, these kinds of things. Which leads me to want to share with you guys about an incredible resource called Master Books. It’s one of the homeschool curriculums we’re using this year, and I’m actually going through their civics and Constitution curriculum with the kids this year. So cool.

And so one of the things that I remember as I look back on my education in the public education system compared to homeschooling, whether we were doing classical conversations or we were doing all extra other curriculums on the side, whether they were online or through other programs like master books. One of the things that has been redemptive for me as a parent is learning what I actually should have learned in the education system, right? I remember loving government class when I was in school, but I also remember that it being heavily focused on how the government branches work and how lobbying works, how how everything works. And it was less about memorizing and and being able to orate the Constitution and like knowing the Bill of rights. And how does that actually impact your life on a personal level and what you know, what is worth fighting for? And how did we get these freedoms? And what’s interesting is when you start studying, like obviously being homeschool parents, over the years, we’ve kind of paid attention to what year did they take prayer out of schools? What? When did they take the Pledge of Allegiance out? When did they change the Pledge of Allegiance? All these different things. Right. And one of the things that we’ve noticed is that because the education system has been run by the government, the more corrupt that the government becomes, the more corrupt the education system becomes.

Yeah. Um, it’s kind of like that quote attitude reflects leadership. And so as parents, we need to be activated. We need to know what our kids are learning wherever it is they’re getting their education from. And we need to step in the gap. And we actually need to teach them what is true and what is right and what is noble. So I, I know I’m only focusing on one aspect of master books right now because they have so many different curriculums. They have every grade level. They have over 30 different options for biblical, um, biblical based, creation based science program, which is incredible options. But when it comes to history and government and civics and your constitution, you do not want to mess around. It would be worth getting the curriculum and adding it on to whatever else you’re doing simply to make sure that you’re getting truth. And so I just want to share that with you guys because I’ve been super impressed by it. It’s Master Books.com you can go forward slash courageous also to kind of get more information there. But master Books.com.

Yeah. And get Angie’s favorites and things like that with the courageous master Books.com forward slash courageous. Hey, uh, let’s look at Scripture and we’re going to start there. Are we to ignore or expose evil? And what kind of examples are we being for our children, who are probably going to have more pressure against them in an evil sense than our generation? So the first scripture is, uh, John.

Three verse 20, which is, you guys, I just love that this is in the Gospel of John. It says, for every one who does wicked things, hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God. Big difference. Yeah, right. It’s the difference between exposing truth, being willing to walk in the light as he is in the light. This is the book of John. But then we see in first John, um, that there’s this incredible chapter in chapter one that says that we need to be walking transparently, exposing our sin, walking as children of the light and being in the light, because when we aren’t, our sin actually impacts our relationship both with God but with other people and our fellowship with other people. And so that’s what you see today when you think about evil and people walking in darkness, what does it actually do to their relationships? It affects relationships. It affects the closeness of those relationships. When people are in sin, it affects their relationship with other people.

Hey gents, I just want to I want you to hear this, that even if you have sin, that is secretive you. It’s affecting your relationships because it’s affecting you and how you show up to those relationships, whether it’s your wife or your children, the guilt, the shame, these kinds of things. There’s freedom in Christ by repenting, but also getting accountability and help so that you don’t continue in, that we don’t want to trample on God’s grace through deliberate sin. We want to get help and get out of that and shed some light on that darkness that’s happening. So it’s so important as examples that we are walking strong so that we can actually do these things. People who don’t walk strong and have these secrets and things like that, it’s very hard for them to expose evil when you know what they’re participating in some.

Yeah.

And I think that ultimately when we’re raising our parents, our kids, right, when we’re parenting, um, to recognize that our kids are born into sin, that that is there’s a sin struggle, this fleshly struggle, it’s called humanity. And to have understanding like walking with your kids, with an understanding going their kids. Of course they’re struggling with this right now. Of course they’re struggling with being selfish. Of course, you know. But instead of just leaving it at that, which I think a lot of parents do because they don’t know what the next step is, to take it a step further and sharing with them the hope that they have in Jesus, and their need for a Savior to help them to cover their sin, that they need to repent. They need to take ownership. Yeah. Not blame shift. Oh, it was his fault. No. You own what you did. Okay. I know that he has his sin, and I’ll deal with that in a minute. But you own what you did. Yeah. And you take responsibility. Confess and repent. Because that’s a muscle that has to be practiced with people.

And if it’s not practiced, then sin will bog us down and we’ll be in this bondage. And this slavery is what the Bible describes sin as is. It’s bondage. And if we’re in bondage, then we’re not free in Christ, experiencing the grace and the forgiveness that he has for us, because we’re still walking with guilt and shame, because we haven’t confessed and we haven’t received the forgiveness. It’s once we confess and repent and we receive the forgiveness, the free gift of forgiveness, that then we are freed up and we’re no longer walking in bondage. And we can actually focus on the things that God has set before us. Amen. And we can be activated and we can actually correct other people because we don’t have this like thing in the back of our head going, oh no, you shouldn’t say anything. You’re a hypocrite. You do this and this and this. But if you’ve already taken care of this and this and this, you’re freed up then to go to your brother and sister with a clean heart and say, I’m concerned about you because I see this.

That’s right, that’s right. This is a key scripture right here in Ephesians. We’ll do more of this in a second. But 511 will start with it says, take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. So it doesn’t just say, expose the unfruitful works of darkness. It says also to take no part in them. There’s two things happening there to go with. What Angie was just saying is let’s take no part so that but instead expose them. It’s hard to expose if we’re taking part. Yeah.

So it’s two action steps. Yeah. Choose not to take part. Say no. Just say no. And you know. But then also expose what’s evil. Yeah. Expose the sin.

So are we the light.

So then are we to ignore or expose evil? I think the Scripture says it very clearly that part of our job is to expose evil. We all have different jobs, different ministries, different seasons in life, different things going on. It’s going to look different for different people. Some people stay at home mom that has five little kids at home or more. That might be the almost the only way. Focus. You know, that’s a lot of work. And so don’t feel bad if that’s your focus, do that focus really well. That’s an incredible that’s the most important thing, right is to equip your children to make sure they understand this. They live this out and so that they are equipped by experience to live it out and teach their kids down the road. But, you know, so we all have different things that we’re doing. I don’t want to heap on things on people’s shoulders that they’re not capable of. But surely when we’re out and about, surely with other people, we need to be courageous. We need to be bold, we need to be brave. And God will give us the courage if we’re walking strong with him. But these times we’re living in right now, this election season, whoever wins this election in the United States, it’s it’s not going to be pretty, uh, of course, uh, you know, I am praying and hoping the Republicans win the United States across the board, all across the nation, because that is the group that’s representing freedom and the best things from a Christian perspective, actually, even if they aren’t believers, whoever you’re thinking about, it’s really, really important.

Option, policy wise.

Policy, it’s about the policies. You got to get out and vote and do that no matter what, because that is part of doing that. Everybody can do that. That is part of taking action to expose you.

It’s interesting too, is that from the perspective of what I’m seeing is that this really has become a battle between good and evil. And there is a there is a sinister evil that is happening in our country in regards to even the health like, you know, I’ve, I just seen what is happening with the Making America Healthy Again initiative and all that has been being exposed. A lot of those things were conspiracy theories that for years I was like, there’s something weird about this. Why do they have to put fluoride and, and all these different minerals in cereal? And, you know, and now there’s even more evidence about what is happening and the differences between the cereal in our country compared to the cereal in other countries.

Fluoride and water making children. It’s a neurotoxin.

Yes, it’s a neurotoxin. And yet you go to dentist office and you have to say four times no fluoride. And even then you have to like, literally stand over your child and say, is that toothpaste got fluoride in it? Like it’s insane. How many teratogens, how many enemies can go out trying to hurt your child. And so, you know, there it can be overwhelming for the mom. That’s my point, is that for the mom who has the five kids at home, when you want to expose evil like in your mind, if there is a push to put fluoride, let’s just use that as an example. In kids toothpaste at the dentist office, in the cereals, in the water, it’s literally like everywhere, right? And as a young mom, you can almost feel overwhelmed going, how do I help my child? How do I protect them from this? And that’s just one evil. There’s then you’ve got like gender confusion happening on another spectrum. You have all these different things. Meanwhile, we have an election happening tomorrow, and one side definitely is representing more freedom, like you said. And the other side is actually representing more control in death.

They’re actually representing death.

Yes. And I mean, that’s very that’s that’s obvious based upon even the rallies and the what was happening at the DNC and with the with the different, um, the mobile Planning Parenthood, mobile, um, mobile homes that were giving.

Abortions.

And stuff. It’s like it’s all about, they say women’s rights, but there’s no rights for the child. There’s no rights for the baby. It’s about death, actually. And when you think about the health of the woman and what she goes through because of that loss and because of how traumatic that is for her body, and there’s no follow up care and there’s no they don’t they don’t care about us so well.

And so here’s a balance that everybody thinks about, right? Especially Christians. And it’s good to think about this balance, the balance of your witness for Christ and standing for truth.

Okay, let’s just take a moment from the podcast for a second, because I want to talk to you about a spiritual discipline of worship and leaving that legacy of worship. That was something that was super important to Isaac and I. But neither of us had musical skills, and so we paid thousands of dollars over the years to have our kids learn instruments from piano and guitar, violin to voice lessons. And I don’t regret any of it because they’re very capable. But there is a better, faster, cheaper way through Voorburg music Academy.com. The Vote Burke method approaches music differently. Instead of teaching theory, note reading and tedious technical skills. First, they skip straight to giving students a love for music so that they can’t wait to sit down to practice with. By ear training and song based learning, students see immediate results and learn technique, note reading, and theory in a context that will stick with them forever. And what makes it even better? They can earn visual reminders of their hard work with the vote methods rank system that mails badges and rank pins right to your doorstep instead of learning music in an isolation boat music. Academy.com encourages families to learn together. In fact, with my Code Courageous, you can get 20% off all your children learning piano, guitar, mandolin, violin or ukulele for less than $30 a month. That’s right. Say goodbye to budgeting hundreds of dollars a month for just one child to take lessons. On top of that, the vote method provides community with thousands of other like minded Christian families to celebrate with and learn from. Students are given accountability, performance opportunities, and live feedback from their instructor and printables to help them stay on track. Unlike traditional music lessons that students soon forget, Wartburg Music Academy creates lifelong lovers and players of music. In just a few months, use my Code Courageous to get 20% off every month your family is enrolled and learn music in a way that sticks. Now let’s get back to the podcast.

So the balance of how do I keep my witness strong for the Lord?

I love people and.

Love people.

Well.

While at the same time Disagreeing or standing for the truth, or proclaiming what’s true, or making a decision that looks odd to people but is right. And these kinds of things, or, you know, more. It’s, you know, where is that balance? And I think that the we do need to care about that balance. But the care of the balance has actually not loved people. Well, the care of the balance to an extreme has caused the opposite to happen in much of Christianity.

So what it has done is it has actually masked and hidden evil. And what’s wrong in darkness.

Because of passivity?

Because of.

Passivity.

Right?

Christian passivity.

Right.

Which is not what we experience, at least in our land in in history. Right? In in past generations, what we’ve seen is bold people who are willing to stand up and even willing to die for freedom.

Well, John Adams, for example, said the true source of our suffering has been our timidity. Humidity.

Wow.

It’s powerful. So then you start to ask yourself, okay, am I equipping my children for a different tomorrow? Right? I like how you put that earlier and not knowing what the future holds, but also kind of I mean, Jesus does give us his word. And so as Christians, we can tell, like, you know, that eventually things are going to get harder for all people, right? Um, but there’s there’s this element of trusting God and loving him so well that evil actually creates this righteous indignation in your heart. Like when you see injustices, like holy injustices happening, like the death and murder of babies that should actually affect us as believers, there should be a righteous anger in a sense where we’re where we are like upset by it. And it it literally leads us to weeping. Right? And there are so, so many believers. And I don’t mean this in a, um, judgmental kind of way. But there are so many believers that I think the longer that that has been around, or the more that they in a loving attitude towards other people who have had abortions and things like that, they almost become desensitized to it the longer that it is around and available and legalized. But just because something is legalized doesn’t mean it’s biblically lawful. And so when we have the heart of God and we’re very close to the Lord, and we’re searching the word and we’re searching it to know him and we’re in relationship with him, he transforms our hearts and our heart breaks for what his heart breaks for. And you know that if he took special care to craft and create another human being in a womb, that he cares about that baby. He does. And so when it’s murdered, his heart breaks. We know that from the word. We know that from the character of God that is displayed in the Bible. And so if we want the character of God and we want to be like him and we’re seeking after him, we become transformed and we desire what’s good and what’s true versus becoming desensitized to the evil.

It’s so true. So what do we do? How do you expose evil when we’re busy? When we’re trying to just take care of our family? We’re trying to provide with rapid inflation because of poor leadership in your country. You know, these kinds of things. What do you what can I do to expose evil? And I think the first thing to do is to walk strong with the Lord so that you’re able to discern what to do. Isn’t that interesting?

Well, it’s kind of like that example that I gave earlier at the ladies group, right? Like it took discerning. If I was to say, I don’t think that it’s a good idea to throw our husbands under the bus, or if I was to, like, depending on how I say it, that’s a matter of discernment also. Right? And who you say it to. So in that moment, you know, maybe there’s 12 women there. Do you say it to the whole group or do you wait and pray and maybe just share that with a couple people, or confront the ones that we’re talking about, about their husbands privately, that the decisions that I’m talking about right here, they require discernment.

They do. And we have to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves, Scripture says. So in that situation, this can be any situation. But in that situation, we can’t just say the answer because it depends on who’s in that group. You have to discern who’s the leader in that group, the really the ringleader. And maybe it makes sense to go and just talk to them and share with them so that you’re not blowing things up in a group setting. That could be more challenging. Or maybe it is the right thing to do that. So you have to discern. You have to be wise. You know, what is the best way for this to be impactful? And a lot of times it’s not the first way we think of. I want to challenge everybody listening. God is very counterintuitive to human wisdom. God is very counterintuitive to humanity because humanity is fallen and God’s perfect. So God has infinite wisdom, infinite knowledge, infinite understanding can see the future and all these things. So if we’re not tapped into that, we might fall to our first responses. And those first responses might appear to be good in human conditions. But what if there’s something even better to do? And so wait on the Lord, pray about it, and take action. Sometimes you can’t wait on the Lord because you really feel like you need to do something right? Then do it. But really say a quick prayer and try and be walking close to the Lord. So you’re hearing from him?

Yeah.

So as far as making that discerning call, I think that there’s an element that a lot of people skip today that I think is worthy of bringing up, which is seeking wise counsel and praying. And so sometimes when you’re in that situation, like the example that I gave in that moment, you could say a quick prayer to yourself. You could just, you know, quietly in your mind, praying to the Lord and asking him for wisdom, asking him for boldness, for courage to say something. And maybe you say a few things, or instead of commiserating with people, you turn it around and you decide to praise your husband. Maybe that’s what you do, right? And you choose not to be a part of the darkness, but you choose to be a part of the light. That’s just one example of how you could actually expose evil is to choose to walk in the light boldly by doing what is true and what is good, right? So doing the opposite. So instead of talking bad about your husband, praise him.

Of course, this is just an example. This isn’t a marriage episode. No no no.

No. But it’s just an example, right? And so a lot of times people need those examples. So let’s just say that maybe you’re in a situation where you don’t like what your kids are learning, right? Maybe there’s been some wayward examples coming home. And or maybe your kids are completely just not even being taught, such as what we were talking about before, right? Like the Constitution and the Bill of rights, maybe you choose to do extra work in your own right and you get a curriculum that you can do with your kids, right? Like what? What I’m working with with with the olders. And you start teaching them and you talk to them about trying to be a light to the other people when they’re talking about things like the election or they’re talking about what they’re learning regarding government. Right. Start asking those questions in your classroom or whatever it.

Is right here.

It says in Ephesians, just to read a little before what we read before is six through 11. It says right here it says, let no one deceive you with empty words. For because of these things, the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them. For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light. What a great scripture to teach your children. For the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. And then it goes into that Scripture. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them so good. All scripture references are courageous parenting.com at the podcast blog, so make sure you get that if you’re driving or something like that and you want to teach these to your children because they’re so good, so good, right? So you have to realize, I think that you make a difference. I think one of the things in exposing evil is that you do matter, that your voice does make a difference, that every time you speak something, there’s a ripple effect, positive or negative, in society and the people around you because of what you said, people do hear what you say. They may not register it sometimes and they may sometimes, but we have to stay the course. We have to trust that God is going to give us the words to say and the courage to say them. And even when it’s uncomfortable, we do it in the most loving way possible. But sometimes love looks like, you know, very direct communication when there’s evil and danger, right? Jesus came into the temple courts and was flipping tables. There’s no way to flip tables with merchandise on them and a nice, loving, warm way.

Oh, let me get that for you. I don’t think.

So.

No, flipping tables is like.

Yeah, Jesus. Obviously intense.

So there are times for that. I just want to say there are times for, like, pulling people out of the fire, as it says in the end of Jude. Like, you have an option, you know, to, to encourage them. If that’s not working, you have to pull people out of the fire. Who are you allowing to burn around you? Right. What country are you allowing to burn around you? Right. We do need to vote. We need to take actions. We need to be an activated citizen for good things.

So verse 15 in that same scripture, Ephesians chapter five, verse 15 says, look carefully, then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of your time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. So this scripture actually gives us the two opposing things. So you have foolishness. And on the other flip coin is knowing what the will of the Lord is. So being foolish is not knowing the will of the Lord. How do you know the will of the Lord? Isaac? How does someone know the will of the Lord?

Well, you.

Have to be reading the word. You have to be talking to God. You can’t have a relationship. It’d be very. You can. But it’s harder to have a relationship with God that’s growing if you’re not communicating with him. Do you have a relationship with your spouse if you never talked to each other?

Right. It’s a big.

Deal. So you have to be in a pursuing relationship with Jesus. Yeah. And how you do that is through spiritual disciplines like praying and fasting and doing communion, which sets you in a posture of reflecting on the sin in your life and repenting of that to the Lord and receiving his. Can I just.

Say, I am so enjoying doing communion every week again?

Yeah, with the church.

I know, it’s been amazing.

Yeah, it’s something that we’re supposed to do as often as we meet. So churches, let’s do communion more often, right? That’s my encouragement because it is a good thing and it is the will of God to do communion. Um, and so this is that would be something if you’re listening to this podcast and your church doesn’t do it every week, I would challenge you to challenge the church on their priorities, because communion should be done more often. And that’s just not my opinion. That’s purely what the Bible says. So, um, but making sure that you’re using your time wisely. This is saying making the best use of the time because the days are evil. And so this was obviously written back in biblical times to the church of Ephesus, but this applies today as well. It applies forevermore for all time. The days are evil, period. They have been evil. They are still evil. They’re going to be evil in the sense. So as Christians, being able to discern what is evil and using our time wisely to fight against that evil is what God’s encouraging and exhorting us to do here. Look carefully how you walk. Not as unwise, but as wise. You can’t have wisdom if you’re not reading the Bible. You can’t know the will of the Lord if you’re not reading the Bible. Making the best use of the time because the days are evil and therefore do not be foolish. He’s literally commanding you. Do not be foolish.

You mean the days are evil? So we can’t just hide under a bushel and just do what we want and not care about what’s going on?

No no no no no, not at all. That’s not biblical. That’s not what we as Christians are called to do, right? I mean, if we were to even go and read that scripture about where Jesus is saying that we’re, as the church, supposed to be like a city set on a hill, and we’re not to put anything over us like a bushel. Right? Reminds me of that little children’s song, this little Light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine. And it just goes on and on. It says hide it under a bushel. No, I’m gonna let it shine. Do we, as parents sing this song with our kids, but then not live it out.

I want to just share.

That’s important.

I want to share a powerful story about history. Nazi Germany. There was 18 approximately 18,000 churches in Germany when Hitler was coming into power and started having tyranny in imposing a dictatorship over the people in harm and freedoms were being lost. There was about 18,000 Protestant churches. And um, uh, Dietrich Bonhoeffer was sharing very early the dangers of the government there and what was happening. And the churches were very passive. They were trying to, you know, make sure they were strong witness for Christ. Therefore, we’re only going to talk about biblical truth, and we’re not going to speak out against evil. And they became very passive. Well, Dietrich Bonhoeffer started this group that was about, no, we are going to stand for biblical truth, but we’re also going to resist and expose evil. We are going to do both, because that’s what the Bible that is biblical truth. Actually, the full picture of the Bible. And so he created this group and only I think it’s 300 or 400 churches joined. There’s 300 churches joined this group that were doing that. I’m sorry, 3000 out of the 18,003 thousand of the 18,000 joined, uh, exactly what the government wanted, even to the point of putting Nazi flags in their sanctuaries.

Can you believe that Christian Protestant churches flying the Nazi flag out of fear of the government, and therefore did whatever the government wanted? And this, you know, this author, I read this book and he makes an argument. You can think about it. He makes an argument that the real problem was the 12,000 churches. The remaining 12,000 that tried to stay neutral, tried just to to not take sides and to stay completely neutral. And the argument is if those 12,000 would have gone the way of Bonhoeffer and the other 3000 churches. They had the culture, they had the people. Pretty much everybody went to church back then, right? And so they had the populace and they had the influence. But because those 12,000 churches were so neutral, um, travesty happened in history. That’s crazy. Like complete tyranny over people groups. And so it’s just it’s just terrible to think about that. And now you think about today, you know, what is the church’s role? And I think we need to learn from history. Yeah.

You know, the sermon on the Mount is a very powerful sermon. We’ve done a couple podcast episodes on this concept of peacemakers. Blessed are the peacemakers, right? And how peace and righteousness kiss right. And so true peace can’t exist without truth. And we’re talking about exposing evil and and putting truth under the lampstand, if you will. And so recognizing that to be a peacemaker means you actually have to be courageous. Of all of the Beatitudes, being a peacemaker requires the most courage because it’s requiring them to correct sin and to help with the reconciliation process to Jesus Christ, which cannot happen unless sin is exposed, unless lies evil, sin is exposed and brought into the light. Right. But then you go down to the very bottom of the Beatitudes. It says in verse ten, blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, and for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you, and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven. For so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. And do you want to know something? When you are, when you are choosing to stand up for righteousness and you’re trying to expose light the darkness by bringing it into the light, whether that’s sharing on social media, something that was super encouraging. I mean, you’re going to get blasted by people who oppose you. Yeah, right. But if your heart is to expose evil so that other people are not in the dark, but are questioning and having to be bothered by the truth, which is a good thing, and that can lead to further conversations down the road that then eventually can lead to even you sharing the gospel.

And that’s incredibly important. Right. So if your heart is pure before the Lord and you’re not just doing it to like, just be a menace and cause division, but if your heart is, I am exposing the evil works of darkness because this is not okay. That and then you’re persecuted. God says, blessed are you who are persecuted for righteousness sake. So when you are sharing about the evils of abortion, blessed are you who are persecuted for righteousness sake. If you’re being persecuted, it’s because other people don’t want to see the truth and they are believing lies to justify sin, which is evil. And that is not righteous. It is the opposite of righteous. And so if you are exposing evil, you are walking in righteousness. But you know what’s interesting? The very next part of Scripture, right after the Beatitudes in verse 13 of chapter five of Matthew, it’s the salt and the light. Mhm. It’s the salt and the light Scripture that says you are the salt of the earth. But if the salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It’s no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. Verse 14, you are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden, nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand. And it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in heaven.

Amen.

Amen. So here’s the unprecedented times tip at the very end. Parenting tip, which is, if we are not going to be the salt, then how do we expect our children to be the salt and being the salt has more of a cost. Today, at least in America. Around the world, there’s already been a cost in most places, but in America, there’s an increasing cost to actually stand for truth and be a light. And part of being a light is just not going along to get along. But actually speaking truth in love is the best way you can. But not letting people go, being deceived, not letting bad things happen to other people the best we can within our jurisdictions, and in preparing our children for a world that’s going to be different down the road and not fearing it, but trusting God and taking action. The people that are most easily able to trust God are people of action.

Um, you know, it’s it’s interesting wherever, when when you’re on social media, what I see a lot what I see because my algorithms are set for me. Right. What I see a lot of is people saying, um, and they’re totally right. And it’s, you know, we’re you know, Jesus is the only one who can save, right? So, yeah, neither party can save you regardless of who wins in the election. Jesus is your savior. Remember that. Don’t make it 100%. And I. I so appreciate those posts. I so agree 100% in alignment. But here’s the thing if Jesus is our hope and he is our salvation, what are we as his people doing to shine the truth and the light of Jesus during our this is our time. Yes, we are meant for this generation right now. Our children may be too young to be the ones that are in government, the ones that are running the churches, the ones that are making impact in the communities. But you are not too young. You are. You were created by God in your generation for a specific purpose and many purposes.

But what is it that you are called to do if you believe that Jesus is the hope? First and foremost, the Great Commission starts in your home. Raise your kids to know Jesus, because if they grow up and they’re part of the next generation and they truly love Jesus and it’s a heart relationship, they will not be foolish. They will not fall for evil. But it’s all about that core relationship with Jesus. This is the other thing. Again, if Jesus is our hope, why are we as Christians so scared to share that truth with people on the road, in the restaurant, wherever we are? As Christians, we need to be mobilized to truly share that hope with other people. Because if we don’t do it now, how bad is the next generation going to be? Do we want to make the world a better place, meaning more people are saved and it’s easier for our kids to be doing ministry? Or are we just sitting relaxed, chill, not getting activated when God literally made us to be activated?

It’s game.

Time. So let’s let’s be in the game and not on the sidelines. Thanks for joining.

Us. See ya.

Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be Courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.

• Private Group for Christian Moms with weekly lives with Angie Tolpin
• Weekly podcast Q&A with episode behind the scenes content. Just type in your question!
• Exclusive biblical resources such as the Courageous Marriage and Redeeming Childbirth series.
• Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
• Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
• Powerful Biblically minded community.
• Topic-based discussion groups.
• You get your own profile and can connect with others.
• Growing libraries of LIVE replays

All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

Our Courses

• Parenting Mentor Program, self-paced online program that equips you to biblically parent during unprecedented times.
• The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.
• Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course.
• Cultivating Biblical Friendships  The course that helps women build lasting Godly friendships.

• Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million  legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a large family, so everything makes a difference. 

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Note: This is an automated transcript and misspells or grammar errors may be present.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom and Isaac.

From Resolute Man Together pursuing the mission to impact 10 million families and their legacies for the Kingdom of God.

We’ve been married for 23 years and are seeing the fruit from raising our nine children biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible.

We can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children, as too many from Christian families are walking away from their faith by the age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way.

We’re praising the Lord that the ministry continues to expand and impact more legacies. We couldn’t do this without you. Whether you pray for us, give us five star reviews, or share on social.

Or even if you purchase courses and merch, or join the Be Courageous app community, enjoy the coffee or support financially. We’re so thankful you are a big part of the 10 Million Legacies movement.

If you want access to all the episodes, show notes, and other biblically based resources, go to Be Courageous Ministry.

Ministry.org. Join us as we start another important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world. Hey. Welcome everybody.

Hi you guys.

Courageous parenting fellow courageous parents. I just so appreciate you all.

You know, guys, we have been doing this now for. Do you realize it’s getting closer to when we started the podcast? I was just thinking about it.

Six year.

Anniversary. It’s coming up in a couple months. We should do something really fun.

Oh, yeah.

For absolutely. For you guys special. You know, we appreciate so much the the ratings on Apple on Spotify. The reviews super encouraging. We have over 2000 now ratings.

I mean yeah it’s been that way for for a long.

Time which is incredible. But you guys have just been so generous with with your taking time to encourage us and to leave a review, it helps to get the word out to other people about the podcast. It helps with the rankings, right?

Yeah, just super quick update. This is such an important episode. Making sure influences on your family culture are right. I mean, I can’t think of a more timely, important, uh, episode. There’s a lot going on in the world. There’s the elections. There’s obviously, uh, Halloween about to happen. There’s, you know, Thanksgiving coming up, then Christmas, family events, lots of things where family are getting together, potentiality for divisiveness and things like that. What we have to do is make sure our kids are protected, while at the same time loving other people the best we possibly can. And we got to find that happy medium. We’re going to give you four steps in a little bit, but I do want to just give a quick update, which is were those three shows every week now, which is heart of the home on Mondays. Right. Courageous parenting on Tuesdays, Resolute man on Wednesdays. You can subscribe wherever you listen. Um, also, the Be Courageous app has them. Plus it has all the extra stuff for heart of the home. The full episode and timeliness. The one on podcast is 28 weeks behind, which is fine. It’s still great content, but you don’t. You don’t get the whole thing and you don’t get the Q&A and you’re not a live option and community and all that stuff. But anyway, so be courageous wherever you get your apps, do that. And by the way, now it’s completely free for a few days. We decided to make it free for three days for anybody, and you can decide if you want to keep it or not. So that’s kind of cool. And we’re just on that track still, and I appreciate you being with us of attempting to impact 10 million legacies with godly resources to help marriages and parents, too.

That’s right. So, okay, today we are talking about making sure that your influences on your family culture are biblical or godly. Being intentional as parents, understanding that you have a jurisdiction to protect your kids, that you have been called by God to teach your kids God’s commandments, which also includes biblical virtues, if you will, or godly attributes. And so we’re going to be diving into four different passages of Scripture today, um, really targeting and honing in on like what is what are the marks of a true Christian? What are the fruits of the spirit? What are how do you, as a parent, discern what are good and bad influences in your family’s cultural life? Understanding that people are influenceable your kids are even more impressionable the younger that they are. And so this is a really important hot topic.

Also, the people that are non-believers, that we care about, that we’re trying to be a light to, that we want our children to be a light to as well, but at the same time not sacrificing the purity and things like that of our children.

So, Isaac, you know, this is an interesting topic. You guys might be wondering, well, how did you come up with this topic idea? Well, I’m just going to share. It’s literally the most yes, it’s the most asked question that we get whenever we’re doing our lives in the Be Courageous app, in the parenting program, or in just even in the app, is conversations regarding boundaries with people who maybe are not like minded. Or how do you love a neighbor? Well, while they’re not walking with the Lord. And maybe they’re a bad influence on your kids. Like, we get all kinds of questions about this. This is the hands down most asked question next to like, obedience and disrespect.

And I would assume that you have different levels of relationships, right? You have those people you see once in a while and you’re friendly with, and then you have those people that you’re trying to go deeper with, and then you have the people that you are in deep relationship with that are really like minded, that you feel good about your children being influenced by. And I think it’s very important to kind of recognize that. And that could be changing at times, right? People going into different kind of buckets, for lack of a better term. But you’re trying to love everybody well, but never at the sacrifice of your family. And if you treat everybody the same kind of in your mindset, then you might be sacrificing your children in some ways. And so let’s look at this scripture right here. Second Corinthians 614 through 15. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Bilal? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? So I think that’s important to think about. And it’s not that we don’t spend time with unbelievers. Absolutely. We are called to evangelize. We’re called to love people well and so forth. But we do have to be aware of that. The children are so impressionable. Yeah, they look up to other people so easily, and you want to make sure you’re not accidentally having them being influenced or starting to look up to people that are swaying them in the wrong way. All it takes is a little sway incrementally over time. That creates destruction over a long period of time.

You know, what’s interesting about this is that this is saying do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Right? But you know, what’s interesting is that there are many people out there that will call themselves Christians and believers who we would even consider like, oh no, this is an unequally yoking type of situation. As far as like deep friendship. No, there’s going to be like boundaries. They’re going to go in a different category as far as friends and how much influence we allow them to have on our kids lives. And that’s using discernment, wisdom we’re going to talk about in today’s episode, a four step process. We’re going to give you the most important things that you need to discuss with your spouse in regards to discerning who you’re going to allow to have influence, because this is the thing your kids trust you. Your kids know that you love them. So whoever you are allowing in your life, your kids are going to think you’re endorsing actually. And so we need to be careful as parents understanding that it’s our job to protect and train and teach our kids. It’s not anyone else’s job, so don’t over delegate, but also make sure that you’re guarding them against false teaching, or against people that are going to potentially cause division. And so we’re going to talk about all that stuff today.

Yeah. But first.

Hey guys, we want to share with you about our one of our favorite sponsors right now, which is Master Books.com. We have been using their curriculum so far this entire year with a lot of our kids, not all of them. Um, and I personally am just so thankful because the biblical groundedness, the apologetics, the biblical truth that I can rely on where I don’t have to worry about filtering out a bad influence. Right? We’re talking about influences. Books are a huge influence on kids lives, and one of the things that I love is that regardless of the ages of your kids, if you’re doing multi-generational teaching like I am, where you’re educating multiple grade levels at the same time, I appreciate that you can use the same curriculum, right? Master books has stuff for each of your kids grade levels, but they’re just they grow with them, right. And what’s awesome is that you can also Personalize a specific year by getting the basics, but then kind of pulling out one history and putting in a different history if you’ve already studied that in a previous year.

And so they have lots of options for science, for history. And I I’m super thankful for that because as a homeschool mom who’s been doing this for 21 years, I have a lot of curriculums upstairs. I have a lot. And so being able to get something that’s new and exciting for me to teach, that’s important for me to enjoy teaching because then the kids, then the kids love learning. Like, if mama doesn’t like it, that’s not good. Which, by the way, can I just also say, if you are, if you are struggling with homeschooling or you’re getting into that rut, this is that time of year where people start like losing the oomph. I want to encourage you to check out the Homeschooling Blueprint course that we have. It is so good, you guys. It’s over six hours of teaching. Plus you get a homeschooling blueprint, blueprint roadmap that you get as a download that helps you. I have an entire video that goes through all the different kinds of curriculums and things like that as well. So go check it out at Be Courageous ministry.org.

But master books, what’s the URL?

Master Books.com forward slash courageous is where you can find out about the curriculum I’m using this year.

So go check that out. All right. So where are we starting with this.

You know, I think that the most important thing that we all need to realize is that, um, we need to step into our role as parents. So I’ve been thinking about all of the younger moms and dads that are listening to the podcast, and maybe that they need encouragement, that God chose them to be a parent. They they are building their life right now with their children, and they get to make choices. And it’s something like that whole concept, you know, we have a daughter that’s going to be getting married soon. And so I’m so excited. You know, as you’re preparing for different events and you’re reading scripture, there’s so many scriptures that kind of pop out in my head, right? Like a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, there’s this element of like, they are building a life. This is an exciting new season in their life where they’re going to be building their own life separate from Isaac and I, separate from his parents. And that’s an exciting and important thing. But I know that for so many of you, and I know that this is true because you’ve been going through either the courageous parenting program or you’ve been in the app and in the lives, or you’ve DM’d me on Instagram or whatever, and maybe you have an issue with in-laws on either side, or maybe it’s your parents impressing upon you their agenda and their will versus encouraging you with God’s will.

And so this is an important topic because that is a huge influence in your life. But also let me just encourage you that your Christian community is a huge influence also. So we need to take a look at like, what is your church community like? Is it actually biblical? Is there actual like mindedness there being careful because those can sometimes be the most Dangerous if they’re not actually walking in the word and walking in biblical truth, right? And so that verse that you read about being unequally yoked to an unbeliever, there’s also danger. And we need to discern by judging fruit that’s in someone’s life. What is their reputation? Are they kind. All of those things and making some wise decisions on how influential they’re going to be on our kids.

And there’s a difference from that. And being judgmental and judging fruit, right. We are called you can tell by the fruit the Bible says. So we are called to make judgments, but we’re not called to be a critical spirit being judgmental.

That’s very.

Different. And that’s very, very important to have a distinction on. And you’re walking strong with the Lord. You’re not going to be judgmental because that’s sinful. But if you’re walking strong with the Lord, you’re going to make good judgments because you’re walking in wisdom. So it’s really important. So, hey, we’re going to run through some things here, and then we’re going to give you the steps. First of all, do the influences around your children point them to Jesus or point them to the world. Be honest about that. Really honest about that, you know. Part of what could happen is maybe their intent. Intending their heart’s intent because they’re Christians, is to point them to Jesus. But when they’re around, the TV’s just playing in the background. And what is that, a portal to all those commercials in the world, right.

All the ads that are indoctrinating your kids subliminally, or maybe even just boldly. So you just.

Just think about. Don’t think about somebody’s heart intent. Think about what actually happens. Right? Because that’s what actually influences your children.

Another good way to really judge this is is also like, what are the encouragements per se that your kids are receiving from that person, right. So are they actually being encouraged in biblical truth like trust the Lord? Why don’t you pray about it? Or are they saying, oh, let me do it, or oh, I believe this and it’s about them, right? So are they pointing other people? Your kids, are they influencing them to look up to them, or are they influencing them to look up to God and to seek God’s way? That’s good. And so that’s the difference, right? Like, we are human people. And so recognizing that no human is perfect and that we’re all sinners. Like there needs to be this overarching grace with people. But at the same time, understanding that some people don’t have the they actually do have a haughty spirit. That’s why God warns us against that, which we’ll read about that in just a minute. So the next thing is to judge if they create division in your family or unity in your family. I think this is huge.

Are there things you have to correct every time after they’re around those people? Right. Those friends, those extended family members, those people in the community. People at church. Are you constantly correcting or feeling like you should have but didn’t? Right. Even worse. And that’s a problem because over time that has an influence and it’s really important. You are when you are, especially when the children are young. You are authorizing people’s influence by who you put them around.

Yeah. You know, it’s it’s interesting because when you’re around certain people, you’re going to see if they one form of like creating division is if they’re negative about other people and they gossip. Right. Or they, they talk about people. Right. And so that’s something that like, as believers, we know what God’s Word says about, you know, holding your tongue and, and really being honest and working through like, what are your thoughts about another person? You mentioned critical spirit before. And that can come across with words or without words, right? And in your body language, which we’ll read about in in just a few minutes. But there is this need for us as believers to actually ask, as parents to go, do they undermine my authority with my kids? And and do they insult my parenting? Do they insult the way I’m parenting? Or or are they supportive and encouraging. Not to say that maybe you don’t need to be exhorted in some things or encouraged. That would be great as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens the countenance of another. But here’s the thing were they invited to are they people that you want speaking into your life, or are they more worldly and not actually grounded in biblical truth with a caring, loving, generous heart that truly cares about your well-being? Or do they want to just impose themselves on you? Right?

Yeah, I think we’re living in a time where if someone says they’re a Christian, that should not influence us very much on whether or not they’re trustworthy. Yes. And so I think that that’s why the Bible is so perfect in saying, you can tell by the fruit, but you can’t tell by the fruit until some time has gone by. And so you need to be paying attention to that and be cautious and be careful about allowing influence too fast with your children, with people, because you need time to see the fruit. And that’s really important. Right.

So do they create division in your family or unity is one another is do they entice your children to sin? Okay, this is like a big deal. Like, are they tempting your kids to sin? So this one I think goes in the peer influence category more than anything else, right? But there may even be family members or people that you like have babysitting. And what we mean by sin, it could be something as, as severe as watching, um, commercials that are going to be teaching a different, um, ideology on gender, for example. And they’re not like protecting your kids from that. And it could be something else that’s as simple as, like idolatry and like tempting them to, um, to sin in a different kind of way.

I think peer influences is this is where this is a big problem. Yeah, it’s a huge potentially with cousins, extended family, friends, people like that. And sometimes when they see somebody that’s being raised differently than them in a more pure way, they try and be that stumbling block that makes them feel better. And so we have to warn our children about that. If you see that happening, we have to talk to them about that. And we have to make some decisions about how we’re going to move forward in those relationships, which we’ll talk about the steps in a bit.

You know, it’s interesting because that does become a temptation, even in other sins, in regards to thinking poorly of them. And so it’s actually a refining time, as I reflect, it’s a refining time of choosing to have the fruit of the spirit, choosing to have self-control or not say the things that are maybe in your mind, but instead just give them to God in a whisper of a prayer. And I think that that is an important practice that we need to teach our kids, but we also need to teach our kids to stand firm and to be bold and to call out those people if they’re in peer relationships with them and say, hey, no, I don’t appreciate that. I don’t want to look at your phone or you know what I mean? Like, I think of the teenagers, right? That maybe they’re being tempted with porn or whatever it is on somebody else’s phone or device or even being invited to a party or a gathering or whatever. Like just like there’s there is this conversation that parents need to have with their kids where they not they’re not only doing the discerning and protecting their children, but as their kids get older, you literally need to have the conversation where you’re teaching your kids how to judge the fruit in a biblical way, where they’re not having a critical spirit, but they are willing to call black, black and white white, in a sense. Right. And what I mean by that is to call sin sin or to call, um, to to be willing to go. You know what? That’s not okay. To be willing to say, I’m not I’m not going to participate in that, or I’m not going to hang out with that person anymore because they don’t have self-control over their tongue and they cuss a lot or whatever. It is, right?

If you train up your kids really well, when they get a little older, they start making these decisions on their own. This is what we’ve literally witnessed, that our children start opting in and out of relationships in deeper ways or not, based on the fruit they’re seeing. They have conversations with us, but in many cases, they’re making their own decisions. And that’s what you want. Hey, if you’re just getting going on this, you already have some middle schoolers or teenagers and some of these things are wrong. It’s never too late. It’s never too late to do this stuff. Okay. But also, do they challenge your authority? I think we mentioned that, but that would be a huge red flag. If anybody ever challenges your authority behind your back, that would be something to think about very seriously. And then let’s talk about godly character attributes for a second.

So we’re going to read from Galatians 522, which you guys know this scripture. This is the fruit of the spirit, right? It says, but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. So here we also see that Jesus is saying there’s a judgment, right? Like there is a fruit. It’s called the fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the spirit is this. And those who belong to Christ Jesus, this is how you can tell who belongs to Christ Jesus. They have crucified the flesh with its passions and its desires. So they’re choosing to be kind with their words, not mean. They’re choosing to have self-control in moments where maybe they want to, not where their flesh would be lacking self-control. Right. They’re choosing. They choose. It’s not even just a choice. Like when you have the joy of the Lord. That is a fruit of the spirit. And regardless of circumstances, regardless of of maybe your disappointments that you’re experiencing in your life, you just have joy. You have the joy of the Lord. That is a fruit, right or peace having the peace that surpasses understanding. I can’t tell you how many times in the last decade I’ve experienced having to walk through something, some kind of unknown, some kind of conflict, some kind of like, um, tribulation or trial or suffering, physical suffering, loss.

There have been so many things that older that you get in life, the more you experience, right? And when you love deeply and you love well, and you open up your heart to other people, there’s going to be hurt. But then you grow. When you’re hurt, if you engage and you embrace God and you seek hard after him and you lean into him, you grow and you learn through your experience of God. He gives you peace. In times where the world would have chaos, he gives you this peace that surpasses understanding. In times where other people on the outside who don’t have Jesus would look at that, or even people who do have Jesus would look at that and go, whoa, I can see God moving in your life. And I have to tell you, like, you need to have people in your biblical community who will call that out in you to encourage. I see peace in you. I see love in you. You are being so generous in that moment, you know. And like that is what, as believers, we need to be speaking into each other’s lives. But this is the point, is that this scripture literally gives us some fruit of the spirit that we can judge, not with a critical spirit, but to go, okay, I want these in my kids.

So I want to have some core people in my life who also exemplify these things love, joy, peace, patience, which is forbearance, kindness. Like I even think of Proverbs 31, right? She speaks with kindness on her tongue. And that’s something that this year I’ve personally been just meditating on and thinking about a lot as we’ve been doing the heart of the Home Bible study, because we started out in Proverbs a lot and, you know, just going through the Virtuous Wife scriptures and seeing all of those godly characteristics and then reading the fruit of the spirit is kindness. Yes, it’s it’s goodness. It’s not not that we can do anything good in and of ourselves to save ourselves, because we literally cannot. You even talked about this yesterday in the sermon, but it’s that the goodness that flows out of us is because Jesus is in us and he makes us righteous. And then the fruit that comes out of us is the fruit of God in us. It’s the fruit of the spirit like understanding. It’s literally God coming out of you. It’s not you. You can’t take credit for it. Right?

So none of us are perfect or these things, but we’re looking. These are things to keep in mind of the influences around you and your family. Are they showing the fruits of the spirit in these good character qualities, or is their sin being catalyzed from those relationships? Is there idolatry being, you know, catalyzed from these relationships? It’s super, super important to think about those different things. So just in a moment we’re going to go through the steps. But I just want to take a moment and invite you to the Courageous Parenting Program. It is incredible. And now it is truly self-paced, meaning you get to start whenever you want.

Like right when you.

Buy it. Go to courageous Parenting.com you purchase it. Your dashboard is full with all the content and you get to go your own pace. You still get a live with us in the app. You get the app free for two months and you can get all the access to everything in there. But one of the key things about it, you go look at it at Courageous Parenting.com. I don’t want to talk too much about it here, but it has all the details there and some of the new ways it works, including the download for the ten Steps to Discipline. That’s kind of like a cheat sheet. Super, super helpful biblical approach, but it’s great to get your marriage in alignment. And this episode, all these things obedience to purity, to hard conversations, to influences, to boundaries, to all the different things that parents are dealing with, especially in these unprecedented times. Courageous parenting.com is key for that. But let’s dive back in.

I’m not naturally artistic, at least not in the fine art sense. So when my kids showed early on that they loved art, I wanted to nurture that creativity. That’s why we love creating a masterpiece. They’re award winning art programs are for everyone ages four ish through 104. Plus, your family gets to practice drawing, using watercolors, charcoal sculpting, painting, and so much more. And the best part? You get to do it all together. Building relationships, making memories, and letting creativity grow. Visit creating a masterpiece.com/courageous to sign up for one low rate for your entire family that’s creating a masterpiece.com/courageous because anyone can create a masterpiece.

And we’re going to look at Proverbs 616 through 19. There are six things the Lord hates seven that are abomination to him. Haughty eyes. What’s that answer? What does that look like?

So, have you ever had a kid roll their eyes at you or a glare? Or, like you can tell in their eyes, they’re thinking.

Every parent that’s experienced.

That. Well, yeah. I mean, that’s a sin, right? But then there’s also like, do you have haughty eyes? Are you prideful? Like, you think you’re better than other people? Okay.

The next one. A lying tongue. That’s a big deal. Every parent dealt with that.

Um, every kid has lied to their parents at some point. And if you think that you can get out of parenting without that experience, I don’t think anybody thinks that. I know, and hands.

That shed innocent blood. Well, that’s a.

Serious interesting that that is in the same category as lying and being prideful. Yeah, because haughtiness is pride. Yeah.

A heart that devises wicked plans.

Oh, that’s a big deal. That’s. Yeah. I mean, that would be someone that’s literally thinking, how can I attempt this person to sin? How can I make them stumble?

Feet that make haste to run to evil? Wow. That’s moving towards worldliness and evil.

Totally. Yeah.

And a false witness who breathes out lies. No, he did it. I didn’t do it. He did it.

Blame shifting. Boom! Right. Or gossip? Blame shifting or gossip.

A liar and one who sows discord among brothers.

So that would be not just a gossip, although gossips. That is gossiping, right? Usually. But it’s creating that division between family members. It’s literally saying between brothers and that’s evil. It’s just pure evil. It’s an abomination from the Lord. Um, and, you know, I think that it’s important that like, as parents, we go, what are the things that we for sure want to protect our families from? Yeah. What are the sins? We just read one tiny little passage in Proverbs. There are so many, right? Like there are warnings in Scripture. Do not sit in the seat of scoffers. Okay, so here’s the thing. Look out for scoffers. Do you know a scoffer is someone who thinks they’re better than other people and looks around and is judging them and just scoffing at people? That’s super evil. God literally says, do not sit under their teaching, do not allow them to influence you. And so there’s there’s so many warnings in Scripture. And so as you’re going through and you’re figuring out like, what are the most important things that we want to protect our family culture from? It’s a marriage conversation. Right.

So these are the four tips right here. And the first thing to do when you’re saying, okay there’s something wrong here with an influence around our family or around our children, the first thing is to discern and try to discern accurately. Are you in the word or is there any is there some other sin on your part, like jealousy or frustration for something that isn’t real? So discern is this is this a real thing? And then talk to your spouse. Have a marriage conversation about it because they might have some important Intel and insight into it. And together, you need to discuss this to be in alignment about whatever your plan might be, and then pray individually. Of course, ideally, you’d pray together. I know that can be scary for couples that have never done it before, but that muscle has to be worked. In these times we’re living in, there’s it’s a whole new ball game for parenting. I mean, there’s so many different direct threats that are happening more easily today because of technology influencing. I don’t let my kids on technical. Okay, okay, but what about the influences around your children that are. Technology. Things like that. So? So it’s not about what you’re doing or not as much as it’s about what’s happening to the culture and to people around us. And we’re not to operate in fear at all, but we are to discern. We are to have a marriage conversation. We are to pray and figure out, okay, what are we going to do about this?

And then the next step would be to read God’s Word, to discover what is God’s Word say about this? Right. So let’s say that maybe you’re discerning and you’re going through that. You have a marriage conversation, you pray together and you go, yeah, this person is just really they have leadership qualities there. Our kids tend to follow their influence. Maybe we don’t want them to be hanging out so much. Hmm. And you’re praying about it? Well guess what? Reading scripture is the second most important thing and seeking wise counsel. Which can I just say something about seeking wise counsel? The Bible talks about this, but what’s most important is that you’re going to get people who will put biblical truth over their, their own, their own, um, non-objective opinions. Right. We need to understand that usually when you go and you get advice from someone, and this happens a lot in families, I’ll just throw families out there because, like, I’m biased, I want to protect my kids. So when my kids come to me, some of my advice might be things that like my advice wants to lead them in a certain direction. I fully admit that I’m sure you do too. You want godly fruit from your child’s life. So you’re going to say, hey, yeah, my wisdom would be not to hang out with that wayward person, right? Like, yeah, I, I definitely have a bias.

I see a bad fruit or I hear a bad fruit and I go, no, they’re not right for you. Right? But here’s the deal. Sometimes we need to also get objective biblical wisdom that’s going to give you that same truth, but from a place of going, hey, the Bible says this, does that person do this? Right? And as parents, we need to try to operate in that, especially as older our kids get older. We want them to want to come to us to seek wise counsel. But that’s not going to happen if they don’t see fruit in our lives. First of all, it’s not going to happen if they are seeking a different kind of fruit, something that’s worldly versus what’s eternal. Right? And so that’s incredibly important. Seeking wise counsel is important, but making sure that you’re not going, the kids aren’t going, and you’re not going for wise counsel from people who the only fruit they have is worldly. Yeah, right. You need to look at the spiritual fruit that’s in their life, and that’s who you go and seek wise counsel from. Do they saturate themselves in the Bible so much that their opinion is going to be biblical, not personal?

So not perfection here, but you’re paying attention to these things, right? Nobody’s perfect. Um, the third thing to do is you have an option. Do I go talk to them about this? Or do I not have a relationship to where I can talk to them about this? So you have to figure out, because ideally you’d be able to talk to them because what you’re hoping for is, wow, I never thought about that. Thanks for telling me. Right. You know, that humble posture. Of course, that would have to do with you talking to them in a loving way about them. And their heart.

Would have to be humble and.

And having a relationship to where you can do that. That’s the hope, is that you can just go talk to them, because as iron sharpens iron, isn’t that where we’re supposed to do is is to help each other. And hopefully they appreciate that if they can see it’s coming from sincere heart and love. So that’s the goal. But if you if you determine the relationship is not there, then you might have to set some boundaries, which would be the next step. We’ll talk about it in a second. Or if it is there and they’re not receptive, then it also leads us to maybe setting some boundaries.

I think that as well. Another marker that’s in point three. As far as talking to them goes, you need to be biblically obedient to God’s commands to you as a believer. And if there is an offense like let’s say someone undermines or challenges your authority in your kids lives, right? And they maybe talk badly about you in front of your children, for example. That would be a big, huge red flag. And so if they do that or they or even within your marriage. Right. Like we’ve talked about this in the Courageous Marriage series, even last summer, where it’s like, you don’t have friends that talk bad about your spouse. Never. Right. Because that’s going to create division between you. And you’re supposed to be one like God. Put these two together. Let not man separate what God has joined together. Talk to them.

Right. If they’re not into it, drop them.

That’s right. And so when it comes to an offense like undermining, uh, someone in the marriage. Right. Undermining your authority as the parent, that’s an offense. So you have two options. Biblically, you can overlook an offense, but if you overlook it, that means you forgive it. You don’t bring it up again. And maybe you create boundaries because you’re like, these people are not safe people for my kids, right? So you need some quiet boundaries. That’s one avenue. The other avenue would be the Matthew 18 approach, which is to go to your brother. If they’re a Christian, that would be you would go to them and you would talk to them and you would share the offense with them. If they don’t listen, then you take another person. If they don’t listen, you take yet another person, and if they don’t listen, you take their pastor. And then if they still are unrepentant, they’re supposed to be disciplined by the church and treated as an unbeliever. Right? And so it depends on what the offense is and what the sin is. But then then there’s a boundary. The Bible even says in that situation, what the boundary is, is they’re treated as an unbeliever. Right. And so God is for boundaries that are healthy. And I it’s interesting we were talking about this in regards to neighbors. Right. And there’s this old saying that is a friendly neighbor keeps up their fence or has a has a good fence. Right. And it’s so that there is no arguing. It actually prevents that. Right. And so there are certain like relationships where having healthy boundaries is going to be a necessity in your life. And sometimes you can talk to people about them. Sometimes they have to be silent boundaries that are just between you and your spouse.

Here’s the heart of it is we’re looking for good relationships, good influences, not perfect kids. You’re working on it. Relationships take work. They take honesty, take able to have candid conversations. But you’re never going to sacrifice your children for relationships. Meaning maybe you have a really good friend, but the children are being raised differently. And when you get together, their children, your children, it’s every time it ends up being a bad thing. You see it conflict up after they leave in your house and things like that. That’s something that if you’re a good friend, you should talk to them about in a loving way, and they should receive that. And and in those things. But you never put that relationship ahead of the safety, purity, well-being, character of your children. And same with extended family. But we’re looking for a win win. We’re always looking. I’m always looking for how can we be loving? How can we stay in good relationship and not sacrifice our children and have this experience be something that grows everybody? Yeah, that’s the win, right? And a lot of times if a relationship is going to be a real relationship, these things have done well. Actually grow that relationship even stronger because you’re going to a deeper place of actually handling conflict well with each other and talking through things. We have to get good at loving other people well while disagreeing. And if we’re going to run the race together while allowing ourselves to be sharpened when someone mentions something to us. Mhm.

Yeah. It’s, it’s it’s an important aspect that you have to discern, and it might be different. It’s not cookie cutter. Guys, I think that that’s the hardest part about parenting, right, is that the decisions are not necessarily cookie cutter across the board. You have to pray about these things, sometimes even fasting, like there have been times where we’ve fasted together over really big decisions regarding this. Absolutely, yes. Um, creating boundaries can be a healthy thing for relationships so that they’re there, you’re protected and there’s less offenses. Right. And so but it takes intentionality and being aware. I do want to just share one last Bible verse with you guys in regards to love. Because all of this, this is under the context of love. And God’s Word actually has some really important, um, encouragement and exhortation for us in Romans chapter 12. Um, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. I feel like we quote different parts of this almost every podcast. But anyways, um, in verse nine it says, let love be genuine. I’m going to stop there for a second. Like, do you want to raise kids? Where? Like there? How people know them, their reputation that they have is that they’re genuine people. They’re genuine with their love, not fake. Like that’s a big deal. God is literally asking us to choose to let love be genuine. Yeah, we want people like that to be influencing our lives, not people who are having their love be fake.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil. Hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal. Be fervent in spirit and serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation. Be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty which is prideful, but associate with the lowly. Associate with the lowly. So you’re not like looking for the higher up? It’s no associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil. But give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, as far as it depends on you. Live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he’s thirsty, give him something to drink. For by so doing you will be heaping burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Wow! I’m so encouraging.

I love this.

What a great scripture!

Well, this is a scripture that like when you’re thinking about the godly attributes you want your kids, you want to find people who are living these aspects of love to be the influences in your kids lives. We’re not saying like, don’t let anybody influence your kids. No, it’s go find these kinds of people. Yeah. Go find these people who have the fruits of the spirit. Go find the people who are going to choose to walk in truth. Yeah, right. And who are going to be seeking the Lord and wanting to grow and open to being challenged. So I hope that you guys, you hear our heart in this. This is a really hard conversation, but it’s such an important one regardless of what season of life you’re in, because I think it applies all the time.

It does.

It it applies to all seasons of parenting.

All right. We have an unprecedented time tip at the end of every episode. And so this one is what this.

One is a big deal. So as your kids get older and you’re training your kids, there comes a point where you have to trust God with your kids and you have to trust that you taught them. You did your part, you taught them you had the hard conversations. You warned them about certain kinds of people who maybe are the opposite of what we were just reading in Scripture. And you have to they have to start choosing for themselves. And that’s a hard thing to let your kids become like, have their faith be their own, and that they’re making the decisions on who they allow to influence them.

So high directive when they’re young, and then you’re gradually moving towards directing and them making some decisions. Yep. And then as they get older, while they’re still in your home, it’s more of a coach approach while being there to correct. But it’s more rare. Yeah. Correct. Course. And be that coach where there’s open communication and dialogue going to the send off when you’re there completely, you know, they get married or whatever, they’re completely building their own family, but you’re still a source of wisdom and love and support whenever they want it.

Yeah. And so here’s the deal. This is kind of like it’s not just an unprecedented times tip. It’s kind of a disclaimer right where it’s like, hey, nobody’s perfect, so you’re not going to be a perfect parent at this. That’s true. And there’s going to be influences that slip through the cracks. Yeah, that’s just the reality. And your kids don’t need to learn to sin. They’re born into sin, right? And so they even could be a bad influence on some of your other kids as well. And so you have to be willing to stand firm and correct your children, because if you don’t, as they get older, those sins that they cling to, those bad habits like gossip, lacking self-control, not being kind, they are ugly. When someone is older, they are, and they become more of a part of their character that is harder to repent of. But Jesus and the power of his cross can set even the meanest person free of being mean, right? And it’s like, you guys, I just want to encourage you that you have to trust the Lord and you have to pray for them. You love them and you pray for them through it.

Hey, thanks for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening and being a part of the 10 Million Legacies movement. Go to be courageous Ministry. Org for more biblically based resources, ways to switch where you spend your money that support the mission and information about the incredible Be Courageous app community for believers.

Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online Parenting Mentor program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, we release a video session with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible, self-paced program. We cover everything from tending to their hearts, handling obedience to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private group in the Be Courageous app, live webcast, and direct access to us.

If you’re interested in joining our next online Parenting Mentor program, secure your spot now at Be Courageous Ministry. Org that’s Be Courageous ministry.org.