We thought that this would be a great topic for everyone because summer is over and a lot of people are starting up school again; whether that be homeschool or public school.
We are also going through some big transitions and have gone through a lot over the past 19 years of having kids and learning along the way!
So, we wanted to talk about life transitions from all perspectives.
It could be a trial, job change, the loss of a job, a new baby is born, it could be bringing your kids home for the first time to homeschool, or it could just simply be ending the summer and going into the school year.
Everything we talk about and these four keys are going to be relevant and practical to you guys!
We are going to share our knowledge and bring you into the conversations that we have been having in our marriage and family about our transitions that hopefully will be helpful for you!
Here Are The Four Keys To Thriving During Transitions:
Identifying The Family Anchors
Planning The New Things
Abide In Christ
Transition calls for a growing capacity! Every time you are up against challenges or changes it is an opportunity for God to grow you. This is what we call capacity training.
We would have never imagined having eight kids or feeling capable of that. We have been through a lot of capacity training in that regard.
Someone recently asked how we keep all of the plates spinning and the truth is that nobody has all of the plates spinning perfectly and at all times!
There are no perfect people and it is important to realize that we need each other in order to spin all of the plates. God put us in the body of Christ for a reason. When we get help from each other its the same as how we work in marriage, as a team.
When one person is about to drop a plate the other picks it up and that is how a healthy marriage is supposed to operate, and it is also how a family should operate!
If you train your children well then they will help you and do their part.
Proverbs 24:10 says that if you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small.
We have talked to many couples about this concept of growth capacity and how when you walk through something hard its actually preparing you so that you are ready for the next big thing and if you don’t engage or embrace what you are in then you aren’t necessarily going to learn or equip yourself for the next big thing.
It is important to choose growth in the hard times, if we choose growth in the hard times we will receive favor.
Favor isn’t always financial, a lot of the time it is spiritual growth, closeness to God, and capacity growth!
So let’s jump into it!
1. Identify The Family Anchors
The family anchors are the things that are needed in the schedule that are consistent and bring steady anchoring to peace, family unity, and spiritual growth.
Here are our family anchors:
1. Family dinner time
- If we don’t get in at least four family dinners a week we feel more disconnected as a family.
- This is a huge thing for our family.
- If we miss family bible time the whole family is affected and the day does not go as well.
- We may be reading our bibles individually but when we are all together, learning the same thing and on the same page we are such a better team.
- It also invites God into our home and our day, without bible time life is harder.
2. Family Bible Time
- This is necessary for our family and we cannot encourage you enough to begin this weekly or daily discipline of being in the Word together regularly.
- If we miss family bible time the whole family is affected and the day does not go as well.
- We may be reading our Bibles individually but when we are all together, learning the same thing and on the same page we are such a better team.
- It also invites God into our home and our day, without Bible time life is harder.
3. Date Nights
- Date nights are so important for a healthy marriage and family.
- You could take your kids on dates individually which is an amazing way to bond with your kids and grow in those relationships but what is more important is date nights with your spouse.
- If you are not on the same page as your spouse or if you are not getting enough time together to talk and plan and create vision and purpose for your marriage and family then nothing else will work! Being in unity with your spouse should be the priority over having date nights with your kids.
- If you are having a transition then the most important things to be doing are reading your bible, praying to God, and being in unity with your spouse.
- If you want to have arguments and disunity with your spouse then don’t go on dates and don’t spend time with each other.
- Church is a super important family anchor for your family and being a part of the body of Christ.
- We shouldn’t have a legalistic heart attitude about church-going, but when you are a MEMBER of a Body, the local Body of Christ, you don’t want to miss because you are invested in one another, love each other and care for one another. Going to Church regularly offers the stability of schedule but also a community and a stable place to be learning about God, serving, and worshipping Him on a regular basis. So make a commitment and be faithful.
- If you are going through trials then making sure you get enough sleep, food, water, and exercise will help you so much!
- Without structure, it becomes difficult for a family to operate.
- Listen for examples of structure to add to your daily life.
2. Planning The New Things
- The second key to thriving in transitions is scheduling and planning the new things in your life!
- If you and your spouse are writing down plans separately that is a recipe for disaster.
- Make sure that you share a schedule and make sure everything is planned and coordinated.
- This will provide unity and smooth sailing.
- Scheduling out your children’s lives is crucial.
- Kids do not know what they need.
- An example of this is creating bedtimes. A kid may want to stay up late at night without understanding that the next day they will be cranky and tired.
- Assigning chores is incredibly beneficial. It will teach your children to work ethic and create a team structure in your home.
3. Affective Communication
- It is important to communicate well.
- In any relationship, marriage, or family, if you do not have good communication then you are setting yourself up for failure.
- If u are married and have one child who is two years old then your family meetings will probably look like a date night.
- If you have older children then you should have family meetings where everything is explained, and scheduling is in order.
- Kids thrive on being directly communicated to. They do not thrive when you spontaneously tell them that they are going somewhere spur of the moment.
- Keeping your kids up to date is a way to show your kids respect and that you care and that is then reciprocated back to you.
- Colossians 4:2-6 talks about our speech and how we are to communicate.
- It is extremely difficult to obey Colossians 4:2-6 when no one is on the same page and no one knows what’s happening or when they are happening.
- Sometimes parents get frustrated when they have to repeat themselves but you need to know that this is not a kid problem.
- There is no difference between adults and kids when it comes to repetition. Good leaders will repeat themselves like it is there first time saying it
- Showing your kids how you lead your heart when you are struggling will teach them to do the same.
4. Abide In Christ
- This is the most important key when going through transitions. If you are struggling with the first three keys then you might be in trouble but if you are a Christian and you are not abiding in Christ through transitions or trials or life then you are in major trouble.
- Here is why this is important: If you are going through a trial or something hard then you are going down one of two paths. You are either walking in the flesh or walking in the spirit. If you are not abiding in Christ then you are walking in the flesh. And if you are walking in the flesh then you are in sin, and sin leads to death.
- When we are going through a trial we should not be focused on ourselves, we should be focused on God and what he can do in us through this trial and how he can use us for his glory.
- One of the things we do when we are going through a trial is we will write down all of the good things God is doing in our lives and then share it with our kids and get their feedback. God is constantly working in our lives and if you are having trouble to think of good things he has done for you then maybe you are missing his divine appointments because you are living in your flesh. Or maybe you are taking credit for the good things he has done.
Scriptures In This Episode:
Proverbs 24:10 – “If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.”
Psalm 122:7 – “Peace be within your walls, Prosperity within your palaces.”
Proverbs 16:3 – “Commit your works to the Lord, And your thoughts will be established.”
Colossians 4:2-6 – “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving; meanwhile praying also for us, that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”
Philippians 4:6-9 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”
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