A Crucial Concept To Cultivating An Incredible Marriage

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Episode Summary

If your mission isn’t aligned, your marriage will fall behind. You will get four vital keys to cultivating an incredible marriage which includes a concept that is transformative, especially during the more challenging times. Remember, the #1 Parenting tip is to work on your marriage. Tune in to get insights that will help every marriage whether it’s struggling or thriving.

Today we are talking about highly effective marriage tips. This topic is relevant during all times of the year but specifically right now when many couples are planning and making commitments for the new year.

In this episode, we are going to share some of our past experiences and four highly effective marriage tips that have proved beneficial for us. 

Before we dive into the four highly effective marriage tips we want to emphasize on the importance of viewing your marriage as a powerful team. This is something that we have always strived for in our marriage. 

(Angie shares how her perspective going into marriage had to change to fully live out God’s plans for her life. Tune in to hear the full story!)

Biblical marriage is incredible. It is incredible, and it is powerful! You may be thinking that when I say powerful I mean both the man and woman are doing incredible things in the workplace and that’s not necessarily what we are talking about at all. We are talking about the power that your marriage can have when you are doing these four things that we will share in a moment. 

We have experienced doing many different things as a team but we have also experienced doing things on our own apart from one another, not as a team. 

(tune in to EPISODE 56 to hear our history of ups and downs.)

So let’s dive in! 

A Crucial Concept To Cultivating An Incredible Marriage

  1. Aligned Mission

  2. Growth + Perseverance Together 

  3. Biblical Roles

  4. God-Centered

1. Aligned Marriage

  • Tip number one is to have an aligned mission. It is so important to have an aligned mission and if you have an aligned mission then that means there is good communication happening. To have an aligned mission you need to have a vision and discuss it together, agree on it and then remind and encourage each other to live out that mission. 
  • As the man, and biblical leader of the home it is your job to bring a vision to the table and then when it is agreed upon between you and your wife you need to follow through! If you don’t follow through with your agreed-upon vision it will be difficult for your wife to trust and support you with future visions. Now as if she is a God-fearing biblical woman then she will support you no matter what, but men, let’s be men of character and follow through. 
  • If you don’t have a long term vision for your family and goals that you want to accomplish in life then we encourage you to seek those out but at the very least you need to have an agreed-upon mission for your marriage, you as a married couple need to know what your purpose is. 
  • Now, there are some foundational things that every Christian marriage should have. As Christians, you are a part of the great commission. How is your marriage fulfilling the great commission? If you are discipling your kids then that is one way you are fulfilling the great commission. If you are in a church community how is your marriage encouraging and building up the people in your church? If there is a married couple that is younger than you how is your marriage helping theirs? 
  • Your marriage could be powerful to the people in your work environment, you could have a coworker over for dinner, or a neighbor, etc. there are many things that we as Christians are called to and you as a married couple need to find your calling and your mission for your marriage. 
  • Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
  • Whether we know what our mission is or not we have one and God has great and powerful purposes for your marriage and every other marriage. 
  • Now, you may be wondering how to find your mission and your purpose, you may be in the word and praying but still do not know what God wants for your life. The more you know God and his will and his heart the more you will be able to understand other people and play an active role in God’s plan for your life and his ministry. 
  • You need to trust that God is prompting you. So if you are in the word and the spirit and praying and asking God to guide you then you do have to make some decisions because the worst thing you can do is be indecisive because you didn’t explicitly hear an audible word from God telling you to do something. 
  • God has given us every jurisdiction, every job, every material thing we have and he has given us relationships so we have a responsibility to steward all those things with his mission in mind. 
  • As a husband, you probably have a job and that’s probably not changing right now maybe it is who knows. But have you made your wife feel like she is a part of what you do and your mission? Not that you are making her feel like she is the provider but you are including her in it and encouraging her as she supports you and stays home so that you can provide. Have you talked to your wife about the purpose behind parenting? What is the purpose behind your marriage? What are some things that you want to do this year as a family that is kingdom minded? 
  • Unfortunately, too many people compartmentalize their lives. They have their “work me” their “at home me” the “church me” and “me with my friends” you need to have integrity. The word integrity in the wood world means that the piece of wood is solid and has no knots or inconsistencies which makes it weak and breakable. You should want to be a man that is not breakable and is solid throughout meaning that wherever you are the same person. This is a mindset that God wants us all to have, he wants our hearts and minds yielded towards his purposes and his plans. 

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2. Growth + Perseverance Together

  • Galatians 6:9 says “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
  • Often we get asked “Angie, how in the world did you write a book with five young children?” or “Isaac, you guys are overseeing a church, you’ve got the ministry, you are traveling for work and you’ve got eight kids. How do you do it all?” none of us are better than anybody, we are all equal in God’s eyes, we all have unbelievable potential in fact if we were to view ourselves the way God sees us it would be incredible. While all of this is true, there is one thing that varies and that is capacity. What we mean by capacity is what we can handle and that capacity varies by experience. There is a reason that there are qualifications for an elder in a church. You can accelerate your experience and capacity, and once you understand that it becomes motivating to do more, to work harder and as a result, you will be more fruitful. 
  • In every area of your life, you are at a certain level. Whether it be your success level at work or you have three kids and you don’t think you can handle any more. When you push your capacity and strive for something greater, a new level, inevitably what always comes is the tests they always come. But if we know that before it comes and we can anticipate that tests are coming our way then we can prepare ourselves ahead of time and decide to persevere because we know that out of the tests will come fruit and reward. A lot of the time what happens is people hit the tests and they recede, they back off from trying to be better than they were and they live with regret. 
  • James 1:2-4 says “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
  • God wants us to make it through the tests and when we persevere through the test there is new growth, its spiritual growth, wisdom, and our capacity has grown as well so that we can handle more and be more fruitful for the kingdom of God. what’s important here is that when we look back at where we once were and how we have grown through the trials and pain that we thank God and give him the glory. 

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3. Biblical Roles 

  • Biblical roles are super important, and biblical roles in relation to persevering through trials and growing we need each other in those trials and ion those tests! We need to be encouraging one another and remind each other of the truth. 
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
  • Praise God for marriage, praise God that he gives us marriage so that we can help each other get through tests! God placed structure in marriage the husband and wife have absolute equal value, but they have different roles. And this is the same for any business or work environment! You don’t see anywhere where there are multiple people with the same level of leadership and that’s because it doesn’t work. 
  • Ephesians 5:22 says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,”
  • The key here is submission. Submission means to go under, and so in submitting you as a wife need to go under your husband’s mission. Are you behind your husband’s mission? Now there are also unique missions and sets of skills that every individual has and when you bring two people together in marriage there uniqueness comes together to create a unique marriage with unique skills and a mission from God uniquely set before them. 
  • Evaluate where you are at and have realistic expectations of yourself, don’t compare yourself to other people, don’t compare other marriages or other giftings but be purposeful with what God has given you and be good stewards.
  • Matthew 6:33 says “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

4. God-Centered

  • God must be the center of your marriage and when god is the center of your marriage you have him to rely on and you and your spouse will be unified moving in the same direction, but when you don’t have God at the center you will move in different directions. Imagine marriage without having the holy spirit vibrant in us and putting God at the center of it, that would be so hard. And if that’s you we are sorry to hear that, and a word of advice to you, pray, pray for God to revitalize your marriage and if your spouse is not placing him at the center then pray for your spouse and ask God to work in his or her heart. 
  • Because we have put God at the center of our marriage we have grown closer through all the trials God has given to us and it was because we were both seeking hard after God. if you are not seeking God, or your spouse is not seeking God, you will start to drift apart in your mission and you will start to drift apart in everything because God has to be the center for him to be fully glorified and for us to be fully experiencing his presence and walking in his spirit. 

Scripture In This Episode:

Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Galatians 6:9 – “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

James 1:2-4 – “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,”

Matthew 6:33 – “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

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Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

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