How To Prevent Your Past From Hurting Your Parenting

icon-play Listen Now
Episode Summary

How you handle your past, will largely determine whether you create a new future for your family. Too often the motivation to create new change as a parent gives way to the path already paved for them from their past. That’s why good intentions to create a new legacy will likely fall flat if you don’t do this one thing we share in this episode.

Today we are talking about a big hang-up that parents have and may not even realize is preventing them from leaving the legacy that they are called to leave. 

The reason why we have felt called to tackle this topic is that in the next week it is going to become something that you see everywhere. 

You will start seeing more and more memes and people saying “what are your goals for this coming year?” and “what is your word for 2020?”

Here are a few things that hold people back from accomplishing their goals. Bad habits, lack of accountability and the other is the thought that you just can’t do it because you weren’t raised that way. 

We have talked to many men and women who use this as their excuse not to change or accomplish their goals. 

A lot of men will say that they just don’t know how to be a good father because they haven’t seen it modeled for them. Or they don’t know how to be a Christian because they haven’t seen it modeled for them in their childhood. A lot of parents who were not raised in biblical homes have a hard time believing that they can raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. 

The reality and the truth that we are bringing to light today is that we all have the same capabilities as anyone else because we all have the word of God. 

Here we are starting a new year, it’s going to be 2020 and people are going to be making goals and setting all of these visions and mission statements which is something that we will for sure be doing with our family but this topic of dwelling so much on how you were raised or on the legacy that has already been created in your family history can be something that prevents you from rising up and being who God wants you to be and raising your kids to be who God intends them to be. 

So picture the tracks on an old dirt road and a vehicle that is driving on that road and the tracks are deep they are ruts and what happens is the vehicle is in the tracks and it’s very hard to get out of them because your vehicle’s natural tendency is to fall back into them and this is the same thing for us. We have worn patterns of behavior, habits, and rhythms that have carried into our lives from our childhoods but the bible says to think anew. It says to renew our minds and so we need to be honest about where we are maybe still in those ruts and we need to shift and turn onto a different path that will lead to the legacy that God wants for your family. Sometimes we might think that we are leaving a legacy but in reality, we are still holding onto some of those things that are keeping us in the ruts. 

Romans 12:2 says “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

This is an important scripture if you are going to be setting goals for the next year because you need to test those goals and find out if they are in the will of God. 

Now, this episode is not about goals, goals are very important which is why we are talking about them but the main purpose of this episode is to address the major hang-up which is that we blame our parents for what we don’t understand, don’t know how to do or for the way we are living. Whether we consciously understand that or whether we have come to grips with that yet we need to lay it bare and overcome it. 

Point number one in this podcast is “stop blaming your parents!”

How To Prevent Your Past From Hurting Your Parenting

  1. Stop Blaming Your Parents

  2. Leaving A New Legacy

  3. Forgive Your Parents

1. Stop Blaming Your Parents

  • You are an individual, you are an adult, and therefore you have the opportunity to make good choices versus bad choices. You have the opportunity to keep your bad habits or create new habits. You have the opportunity to seek out godly wisdom or keep walking in the wisdom of the world. You have the power to continue the legacy that your parents have left or to begin a new legacy and new path for your children and the coming generations. 
  • Galatians 6:3-7 says “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
  • You will reap what you so. This is a spiritual law that you cannot escape. So If you are making excuses silently or openly about your way of being or lack of spiritual maturity or lack of biblical understanding or you get angry at your kids and it reminds you of your dad and you think you can’t escape it because that’s how you were raised. If you are making these excuses you will not grow, you will continue living the legacy of your past and you will not accomplish the things God has planned for you to accomplish. 
  • We have to take responsibility and stop blame-shifting! Blame shifting is when you are feeling convicted about something and then you deny that it is your fault or your problem and you place the blame on someone else. 
  • If you are a confessed professing believer of christ then you should have the spirit and therefore be walking in the spirit and not walking in the flesh. The keyword there is “should” if you are a Christian you should be walking in the spirit but that doesn’t mean that every Christian is. Walking is an action walking in the spirit is a constant submitting to the spirit and refusing to walk in the flesh. 
  • Luke 16:10 says “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”
  • The foundation of a house or building is crucial to the longevity and quality of the structure. The same goes for your family. You need to build a strong foundation based on God’s truth and wisdom and you can’t successfully do that when you are holding on to bad experiences or believing lies from your past. When you become comfortable with a little sin eventually that will turn into more and more sin and you will reap destruction. 
  • If you go into this new year setting goals and commitments you need to get honest about whether you are still holding onto things from your past and blaming your parents for how you are living. If you don’t get honest about this then you have a corruption already going into the new year that will prevent you from fulfilling the goals and things God wants you to do. 

PARENTING MENTOR PROGRAM

2. Leaving A New legacy 

  • This second point that we are talking about in this episode is leaving a new legacy and this has a visionary aspect to it and remember, you do not have to be gifted as a visionary but if you are a parent, vision is required. Having vision or being a visionary is summed up in the act of thinking beyond this moment having plans or goals for the future. One of the keys to thinking beyond today s reflecting on the past, so as this year comes to a close it is important to ask ourselves and our spouse how our legacy is doing and based on the previous years what needs to change. 
  • Psalm 145:4 says “One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts.”
  • This verse brings to light the importance of legacy and how the generations that come after you will be affected by your life. What do you want your grandchildren to say about you? What do you want your kids to remember their childhoods? What do you want your kids to pass on to their kids? What stories are going to be told? These are the questions that we ask ourselves all the time.
  • It is very hard to leave a new legacy when you find yourself thinking about your past and the legacy that your parents left and when you believe the lies that you can’t leave a new legacy because of how you were raised, which is why in order to leave a new legacy you need to be able to forgive your parents.

Subscribe

* indicates required

3. Forgive Your Parents

  • Matthew 6:15 says “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
  • We’ve probably all heard this scripture before, if we do not forgive somebody then how can we expect to be forgiven? Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you need to allow yourself to be abused by someone. We are not saying that your parents abused you, but there are all kinds of different people in many different situations listening to this podcast. So, just because we have forgiven somebody in our hearts doesn’t mean that we allow people to have the same level of relationship and trust as you would before they wronged you. Boundaries are good, they are healthy and if they are necessary for your safety or for the safety of those you love, then you should set them. 
  • If you read Matthew chapter six which talks a lot about temptation then you will realize how there is a natural desire, a fleshly desire to hang on to things. Forgiving is not something we naturally want to do, our flesh would rather hold grudges and be angry and selfish. If you don’t forgive a bitter root will grow and it will defile you and destroy you. 
  • One Day our children may need to forgive us for something, and we need to set an example of forgiveness for our children for our sake and for their sake. 
  • What will not forgiving someone reap in your life ten to twenty years from now? The bible warns us that sins can be passed down from third and fourth generations, that is powerful and can have a major negative impact on your legacy. We need to lay down our pride and forgive. 
  • Matthew 7:2-5 says ”For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
  • If you are harsh in your judgment of your parents, your children are probably going to be harsh in their judgment towards you. Would you want your kids to treat you the way you treat your parents? 
  • How you live today is how you are living your life and what you do today will affect your legacy and the many generations to come. What you do today is either corrupting or building up your family. 
  • This is going to take real purposeful intention. it’s going to take making a list, discuss it with your spouse so that you are in alignment and you are going to have to reject passivity. And that is why this is called courageous parenting, it takes courage to do the things required to leave a new legacy.

FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

Scripture In This Episode:

Romans 12:2 – And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Galatians 6:3-7 – “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

Luke 16:10 – “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”

Psalm 145:4 – “One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts.”

Matthew 6:15 – “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 7:2-5 – “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Resources

Support The Ministry

  • DONATE, to become a bigger part of shifting the culture of future generations through impacting 1 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 10, everything makes a difference.

Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 1 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Written By Angie Tolpin
Angie has been married to Isaac for 19 years and together they have eight children, whom she homeschools. She is the Founder of CourageousMom.com, a doula, the author of the best-selling book Redeeming Childbirth, and the creator of the first ever Christian Postpartum Course. Angie loves ministering to Women and has created a few online Bible Studies on Biblical Friendship and Motherhood.

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Create a Godly Legacy
free tips & trainings every wednesday