Today we are talking about a big hang-up that parents have and may not even realize is preventing them from leaving the legacy that they are called to leave. 

The reason why we have felt called to tackle this topic is that in the next week it is going to become something that you see everywhere. 

You will start seeing more and more memes and people saying “what are your goals for this coming year?” and “what is your word for 2020?”

Here are a few things that hold people back from accomplishing their goals. Bad habits, lack of accountability and the other is the thought that you just can’t do it because you weren’t raised that way. 

We have talked to many men and women who use this as their excuse not to change or accomplish their goals. 

A lot of men will say that they just don’t know how to be a good father because they haven’t seen it modeled for them. Or they don’t know how to be a Christian because they haven’t seen it modeled for them in their childhood. A lot of parents who were not raised in biblical homes have a hard time believing that they can raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. 

The reality and the truth that we are bringing to light today is that we all have the same capabilities as anyone else because we all have the word of God. 

Here we are starting a new year, it’s going to be 2020 and people are going to be making goals and setting all of these visions and mission statements which is something that we will for sure be doing with our family but this topic of dwelling so much on how you were raised or on the legacy that has already been created in your family history can be something that prevents you from rising up and being who God wants you to be and raising your kids to be who God intends them to be. 

So picture the tracks on an old dirt road and a vehicle that is driving on that road and the tracks are deep they are ruts and what happens is the vehicle is in the tracks and it’s very hard to get out of them because your vehicle’s natural tendency is to fall back into them and this is the same thing for us. We have worn patterns of behavior, habits, and rhythms that have carried into our lives from our childhoods but the bible says to think anew. It says to renew our minds and so we need to be honest about where we are maybe still in those ruts and we need to shift and turn onto a different path that will lead to the legacy that God wants for your family. Sometimes we might think that we are leaving a legacy but in reality, we are still holding onto some of those things that are keeping us in the ruts. 

Romans 12:2 says “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

This is an important scripture if you are going to be setting goals for the next year because you need to test those goals and find out if they are in the will of God. 

Now, this episode is not about goals, goals are very important which is why we are talking about them but the main purpose of this episode is to address the major hang-up which is that we blame our parents for what we don’t understand, don’t know how to do or for the way we are living. Whether we consciously understand that or whether we have come to grips with that yet we need to lay it bare and overcome it. 

Point number one in this podcast is “stop blaming your parents!”

How To Prevent Your Past From Hurting Your Parenting

1. Stop Blaming Your Parents

2. Leaving A New Legacy

3. Forgive Your Parents

1. Stop Blaming Your Parents

• You are an individual, you are an adult, and therefore you have the opportunity to make good choices versus bad choices. You have the opportunity to keep your bad habits or create new habits. You have the opportunity to seek out godly wisdom or keep walking in the wisdom of the world. You have the power to continue the legacy that your parents have left or to begin a new legacy and new path for your children and the coming generations. 
• Galatians 6:3-7 says “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
• You will reap what you so. This is a spiritual law that you cannot escape. So If you are making excuses silently or openly about your way of being or lack of spiritual maturity or lack of biblical understanding or you get angry at your kids and it reminds you of your dad and you think you can’t escape it because that’s how you were raised. If you are making these excuses you will not grow, you will continue living the legacy of your past and you will not accomplish the things God has planned for you to accomplish. 
• We have to take responsibility and stop blame-shifting! Blame shifting is when you are feeling convicted about something and then you deny that it is your fault or your problem and you place the blame on someone else. 
• If you are a confessed professing believer of christ then you should have the spirit and therefore be walking in the spirit and not walking in the flesh. The keyword there is “should” if you are a Christian you should be walking in the spirit but that doesn’t mean that every Christian is. Walking is an action walking in the spirit is a constant submitting to the spirit and refusing to walk in the flesh. 
• Luke 16:10 says “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”
• The foundation of a house or building is crucial to the longevity and quality of the structure. The same goes for your family. You need to build a strong foundation based on God’s truth and wisdom and you can’t successfully do that when you are holding on to bad experiences or believing lies from your past. When you become comfortable with a little sin eventually that will turn into more and more sin and you will reap destruction. 
• If you go into this new year setting goals and commitments you need to get honest about whether you are still holding onto things from your past and blaming your parents for how you are living. If you don’t get honest about this then you have a corruption already going into the new year that will prevent you from fulfilling the goals and things God wants you to do. 

2. Leaving A New legacy 

• This second point that we are talking about in this episode is leaving a new legacy and this has a visionary aspect to it and remember, you do not have to be gifted as a visionary but if you are a parent, vision is required. Having vision or being a visionary is summed up in the act of thinking beyond this moment having plans or goals for the future. One of the keys to thinking beyond today s reflecting on the past, so as this year comes to a close it is important to ask ourselves and our spouse how our legacy is doing and based on the previous years what needs to change. 
• Psalm 145:4 says “One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts.”
• This verse brings to light the importance of legacy and how the generations that come after you will be affected by your life. What do you want your grandchildren to say about you? What do you want your kids to remember their childhoods? What do you want your kids to pass on to their kids? What stories are going to be told? These are the questions that we ask ourselves all the time.
• It is very hard to leave a new legacy when you find yourself thinking about your past and the legacy that your parents left and when you believe the lies that you can’t leave a new legacy because of how you were raised, which is why in order to leave a new legacy you need to be able to forgive your parents.

WEEKLY TIP AND THE FREE DATE NIGHT ONE SHEET!

3. Forgive Your Parents

• Matthew 6:15 says “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
• We’ve probably all heard this scripture before, if we do not forgive somebody then how can we expect to be forgiven? Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you need to allow yourself to be abused by someone. We are not saying that your parents abused you, but there are all kinds of different people in many different situations listening to this podcast. So, just because we have forgiven somebody in our hearts doesn’t mean that we allow people to have the same level of relationship and trust as you would before they wronged you. Boundaries are good, they are healthy and if they are necessary for your safety or for the safety of those you love, then you should set them. 
• If you read Matthew chapter six which talks a lot about temptation then you will realize how there is a natural desire, a fleshly desire to hang on to things. Forgiving is not something we naturally want to do, our flesh would rather hold grudges and be angry and selfish. If you don’t forgive a bitter root will grow and it will defile you and destroy you. 
• One Day our children may need to forgive us for something, and we need to set an example of forgiveness for our children for our sake and for their sake. 
• What will not forgiving someone reap in your life ten to twenty years from now? The bible warns us that sins can be passed down from third and fourth generations, that is powerful and can have a major negative impact on your legacy. We need to lay down our pride and forgive. 
• Matthew 7:2-5 says ”For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
• If you are harsh in your judgment of your parents, your children are probably going to be harsh in their judgment towards you. Would you want your kids to treat you the way you treat your parents? 
• How you live today is how you are living your life and what you do today will affect your legacy and the many generations to come. What you do today is either corrupting or building up your family. 
• This is going to take real purposeful intention. it’s going to take making a list, discuss it with your spouse so that you are in alignment and you are going to have to reject passivity. And that is why this is called courageous parenting, it takes courage to do the things required to leave a new legacy.

Scripture In This Episode:

Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Galatians 6:3-7 – “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

Luke 16:10 – “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?”

Psalm 145:4 – “One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts.”

Matthew 6:15 – “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 7:2-5 – “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Isaac and Angie do a special episode for Christmas going through what the Bible recounts in the book of Luke about the birth of Jesus. Did you know that John the Baptist received the Holy Spirit while being in his mother Elizabeth’s womb at six months of her pregnancy? Also, when Mary showed up to see Elizabeth pregnant with Jesus, John leapt in her womb upon hearing Mary’s voice.

We share more of the incredible things that were happening leading up to Jesus’ birth. Use this episode to help you understand how to teach this to your kids or play it for the whole family.

And remember, if your kids don’t understand what happened on the cross, it will be hard for them to appreciate the value of Jesus’ birth or the value of the real meaning of Christmas.

We can help you have a new year and newfound peace in your family. If you would like help improving your kid’s obedience, self-control, and focus on God we encourage you to join us on January 6th for the next self-paced Parenting Mentor Program.

WEEKLY TIP AND THE FREE DATE NIGHT ONE SHEET!

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Raw Interview With Our Daughter Home From College

In this episode, we are joined by our oldest daughter Kelsey! As a result of Kelsey being Home for Christmas, we are doing an interview! 

Kelsey currently attends Liberty University in Virginia, she is a sophomore. She works part-time for the college at Resident’s Life and is a full-time student!

Topics Of Interest For Today’s Interview With Kelsey:

1. What Made You Decide To Go To College?

2. Should Women Go To College?

3. Homeschool – Liberty University

4. Realizations In 1st Year

5. What Are You Thankful For About Your Upbringing?

6. 15k Students – Gen 2 – Advice For Parents

7. What Makes You Want To Come Home?

8. What Could We Have Done Better?

 

1. What Made You Decide To Go To College?

• So let’s dive in!
• Angie: So Kelsey, what made you decide to go to college? This is a loaded question.
• Kelsey: Well, the education I received from you and Dad made me never want to stop learning! I have quickly realized that I love learning and I didn’t want to stop. Graduating high school just wasn’t enough for me, I wanted to learn more and I felt like I was called to keep learning. I had developed a passion for learning and to ignore that deeply rooted passion seemed foolish for me in my situation. 
• Angie: I love how you said “in my situation” because college is not for everyone and you were raised by two people who have gone to college and received college degrees but if you guys have listened to this podcast to any extent you would know that we are not strict about college. College is not necessary for many situations. We have not raised our children with the anticipation that they have to go to college nor do we pay for your college. What do you think about that Kelsey?
• Kelsey: You and Dad do not pay for my college, you have supported me don’t get me wrong, you are very generous, but the weight of paying for college falls on my shoulders, and for me, it adds value to how I view college. I think that it is very healthy for me to place the dollar sign on my courses so that I care more about making the most out of them. 
• Angie: I’m sure there is probably a correlation between how hard a student will appreciate college and how seriously they take it based upon how much they pay for it. You have made college possible for yourself by working hard for a lot of scholarships and getting most of it paid for by the school, but you had to work above and beyond to get the scholarships, so while you may not be paying as much as most people you paid for it with your time and effort. 
• Angie: So the original question was “what made you decide to go to college?” and I thought that would be a good opening question because there are a lot of Christians out there that have differing views on whether women should go to college, which is a different topic than just whether you should go to college. A lot of Christians are scared to send their children to college because they are afraid that they will fall away from the faith. 
• Angie: Kelsey, have you seen this happen? Where parents don’t send their kids to college for fear of them losing their faith?
• Kelsey: Well, I am one of the ones who do go to college and college is not a place where you will meet people who don’t want to go to college. But, I have come across many students who do not go to college to learn but rather for the college experience, or to make their parents proud or even to find a spouse and get married. 
• Angie: I and your father both went to school for a purpose and we have raised our kids to do the same if they decide that college is the right route for them. And that is the same for you right Kelsey?
• Kelsey: Yes, I would not have decided to go to college to meet people or to make anyone proud, I decided to go to college because I felt that I was called to learn more and receive a higher form of education. 
• Angie: Kelsey why don’t you share how you feel when you are living on purpose versus not living on purpose. 
• Kelsey: Ya, so when I am living on purpose I tend to be way more joyful, confident and happy about my quality of life and in contrast when I’m not living on purpose and when I’m not striving for something and being productive it can be easy to feel down about myself. And this is something that we live by, its that work hard and then play hard lifestyle. Because it’s not like we don’t know how to relax its that we are rewarding ourselves for working hard and being purposeful. And that is a well-balanced lifestyle to have. 

2. Should Women Go To College?

• Angie: So the question, should women go to college? A lot of Christians believe that women should be getting married and raising children therefore there is no reason for them to get an education. What are your thoughts on that Kelsey? 
• Kelsey: In the secular arena women are actual the majority of college students and think that in part that has to do with the ever-growing feminist movement but in the arena of Christianity and the moral perspectives and family values that come with I think that family is extremely important and I think that it is generally more difficult for a family to operate the way God intended it to if the woman or man is not focused on family first. For a lot of women when they go to college, I think it is a common belief that they need to get a job for the degree that they have acquired otherwise college was a complete waste, and I do not believe that is true at all. 
• Angie: Amen, and do you feel that pressure of making college worth it by continuing in a career? 
• Kelsey: No, not at all.
• Angie: And that is what is exciting because you were just doing the next right thing that you knew God was calling you to. If God has placed specific passions in your child then that might mean letting them go to college. God placed different passions and interests in everyone for a reason and it is good to pursue them. Going to college and then doing nothing with your degree isn’t a waste. We hope and pray for Kelsey’s future husband all the time and when she gets married her college education and experiences that she has had at college will prepare her for being married and being a mother. 
• Angie: A person who is living on purpose and learning about things they love they tend to be way more joyful and excited about life and when that happens they tend to be even more attractive to people of similar interests! 
• Angie: We have known ever since Kelsey was little that she was very academic and she loved it. She has probably read between 500-700 books over the years and loved it. She would babysit and then spend her money trying to fund first edition classics. The best punishment for her was us taking away her books. And that just gives you a glimpse of what Kelsey loves to do and what her interests are. when Kelsey decided that she wanted to go to college we were not in the slightest bit surprised. 
• Angie: Some of you may be wondering how you would be able to significantly send your kids to college. When Kelsey decided to go to college we were in our worst financial place ever. We were over a million dollars in debt from a business failure and we could not support Kelsey even though we never planned to pay for her college, but it didn’t matter. Kelsey worked very hard and got high scores so that she could get over 80% of her college paid for. 
• Kelsey: Guys, I am not a genius. I worked hard and I got average to high scores and that is enough to get you to a lot of places. If you just really put effort into your work you can receive scholarships and you can go to the college of your dreams. 
• Angie: Here is another reason why we homeschooled our children and talked to them about the potential of college. Kelsey, if you are blessed with children one day, Lord willing, will you homeschool your kids? 
• Kelsey: Yes, for sure. 
• Angie: So, this education that you are getting at liberty university will help you in parenting and homeschooling your children, any education that we have will help us in our future one way or another and it is our job as humans to pass on knowledge to the generations to come. 
• Kelsey: This is not to discourage any of you homeschool moms who have not received higher education. Because anyone is capable and the Lord will bless any effort you put in. and yes you need to try hard and put in the effort but you do not need a college education to successfully educate your children and prepare them for their future. 
• Angie: Education is good. We should always be learning, always be growing but for me, the majority of my education happened once I started homeschooling. It is very, very redemptive

WEEKLY TIP AND THE FREE DATE NIGHT ONE SHEET!

3. Homeschool – Liberty University

• Angie: Let’s talk about being homeschooled in regards to being prepared for liberty university. Kelsey, do you think that you were ready for college? 
• Kelsey: Well, I think that it depends on how you define ready because I think that I was as prepared to learn as I could have been but it’s not like I went in and knew everything already. Well, my mom taught me to love to learn which is why I have all of those hundreds of books. Which is very important, if you don’t want to learn it will be very difficult for you. The community that we were a part of was also a very big component to why I was prepared for school because you need to have people around you that are pursuing the same goals and the discussions that I was able to partake in that class setting once a week was very beneficial to me. I learned to respectfully agree and disagree, I learned how to think in a logically sound way and healthy competition is very healthy where you are trying to spur each other on and be the best you can be but not try to one-up each other. 
• Angie: So for those of you wondering, we did a program called classical conversations and we have done that program with all of our children. Doing classical conversations in your highschool years was powerful because you did things like debate. 
• Kelsey: Right, yes. 
• Angie: In debate, you had to learn to see things through a different lens. Do you remember that one debate that you struggled with where you just really struggled with the negative side of the argument because you agreed so strongly with their affirmative? 
• Kelsey: Yes I do remember that. It is really important to be able to research a point of view, gather evidence and not necessarily agree with it but figure out why you disagree with it and be able to articulate an argument in a respectful way why you disagree with it. And to remove emotion from the equation, because when people get emotionally charged in certain debates it can be really unfortunate because it can kill the possibility of ever resolving the issue. Hopefully when you have a conversation with somebody and you disagree on something either there will be a resolution where you can agree or come to a compromise, and sometimes there will be issues that will be disagreed upon and that’s okay but I think that we should be striving to learn and even if we can just learn why someone thinks a different way we have accomplished something great because to be able to understand a people group and why that group believes what they do can be beneficial to future debates that you may have and be able to respond to certain groups in a way that will deflect conflict and hopefully produce a resolution. 
• Angie: Kelsey, what was the single most beneficial from being homeschooled?
• Kelsey: I would say that learning to be independent in my studies and taking on learning as my responsibility. Having the ability to be independent is very important because in college you have to be independent and it’s your responsibility to learn and grow. 
• Angie: It’s good that you brought this up because independence is important. You need to be hands-on with your children and their education especially when they are younger but as they get older you should give them more responsibility and independence so that when they are in high school they are less reliant on you and can schedule out their week and be responsible for getting everything done that they need to. And then if they go to college they will be prepared.

4. Realizations In 1st Year

• Angie: So, Kelsey what were your biggest realizations in your first year of college? 
• Kelsey: I think one of the biggest things that came to my attention in my first year at liberty university was people. how many diverse opinions there are, how people act, how people are wired differently and how experiences shape people because when I listen to people’s stories, it’s amazing how much their backgrounds and things that they have experienced influence their character and everyday lives. Another thing I’ve realized is how much I have missed my family. 
• Angie: Yeah and even though we are apart we are growing closer and closer to each other which is uncommon in a lot of families. If you are raising your children biblically you should be ever-growing closer to each other and not farther. 

5. What Are You Thankful For About Your Upbringing?

• Angie: So Kelsey, What are you thankful for about your upbringing?
• Kelsey: One of the things I am most thankful for my upbringing and how you and Dad have raised me is that you taught us how to work hard. Not only how to do hard things but why we do them, and how to have a good attitude while doing them. Heart attitudes and having a teachable heart is something that you have always really emphasized upon. 
• Angie: That’s awesome, and we can see your hard work today in how you study full time and have a job. 

6. Gen Z – 15k Students – Advice for Parents

• Angie: So let’s talk about your generation for a second, you are a part of generation Z and you go to a school where there are somewhere between fourteen to fifteen thousand students on campus. So, what advice do you have for parents who have children in your generation or even parents who have younger kids, what advice do you have for them, in raising their kids? 
• Kelsey: One very important thing is to always have your kids trying new things. This is something that you and dad have had us all do and I think that it helped me not only get more comfortable with failure but I also think it helped me realize what I’m good at and what I enjoy. And that has given me one of the greatest things which ids experiences. I’ve done theater, I’ve traveled, I’ve learned music and I think that generation z parents should not make their children go to college or university. I think that college is beneficial to a lot of people but I think that it loses its effect in part if the student is not there because he or she wants to be there. And when there are students who don’t want to be there it hurts the environment of the universities and colleges because the students who are there because they want to learn are surrounded by people who just don’t have the same goals and don’t want to be there. I think that this is also very hurtful to society as a whole because we have people who are going to college that don’t know what they want to study and they are going into major debt. And then what happens is they graduate maybe and they have this degree that they don’t want to use and they love to party so what do they do?

7. What makes you want to come home? 

• Angie: So, Kelsey let’s talk about what makes you want to come home?
• Kelsey: Well, there is nothing like home. And when I come home, I just feel like I’m back with my people, the people who understand me and I can just be comfortable being me all the time. Home is just a safe place and nothing beats a family that you can trust. Coming home also reminds me of who I am, because being away at college, sometimes it can be easy especially with friends to just move on to the next thing like we will go out and have fun together and then I will go home and study and then ill worry about the next test but when I’m home I can just be home and rest and talk to my family about everything the good and the bad and it’s just so nice. 
• Angie: Yeah we have a lot of late-night conversations about some deep things and its healthy. We get to talk about your life in Virginia and the student body at the university and challenge you to grow in certain areas and encourage you in others!
• Kelsey: Another reason why I love coming home is the relationships and how much fun we have with each other! 

8. What could we have done better?

• Angie: I have one more question for you Kelsey, what do you think that your dad and I could have done better? You were our first child and we both know that we have made mistakes in parenting you and we have had to repent of things in the past but what are some things that you think we could have done better if we were not so aware of?
• Kelsey: Well, that’s a good question. We have talked about a lot of stuff and I don’t think that there are many things that we haven’t talked about. One thing that I think you could have done better if you could have told me no more often, and this is so funny because I very much dislike it when people tell me no but it’s good for me. Looking back, I don’t have any regrets about my childhood living at home things happen along the way but nothing terrible and nothing that hasn’t been dealt with. I still struggle with pride sometimes and so I think that just saying no to me more often would have been beneficial. 
• Angie: Well, that is good to hear! So you are saying that we should have been tougher on you! 
• Angie: This interview has been great, thanks for joining me on the podcast Kelsey I know that all of our listeners love to hear from you kids every once in a while and it just gives people a glimpse into our family life

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

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We are excited to talk to you about a topic that we get asked about a lot and that is the passivity of men leading their families. 

So, we decided to dedicate an episode to why Dads struggle with passivity and how moms can help.

Passivity is a very real condition that started a very long time ago, all the way back in Genesis chapter three with Adam and Eve. 

This is a very important topic because men leading in the home is one of the key indicators of fruitfulness in a legacy. The man’s influence in the home is huge! Now, the woman’s influence is just as big of a deal but in this episode, we are focusing on the man and his role in the family. 

We wanted to encourage you that this episode might push you out of your comfort zone and the reason that should be encouraging to you is because often we can be willing to push ourselves out of our comfort zone when it comes to your job or providing for our family but when it comes to praying with our wife we won’t break through our comfort zone or when it comes to leading devotions with our kids or having deep conversations we tend to become passive and not break through our comfort zones. 

Women can have a hard time breaking through their comfort zones as well! But in this episode, we will be talking about the six main reasons why men struggle with being passive as husbands and fathers and how the wives can help their husbands and potentially bring them out of passivity and into true biblical leadership as the man of the family. 

Really what it comes down to is understanding what you are doing long term instead of acting upon what you are feeling in the moment. Its long term instead of immediate.

An example of immediate would be just focusing on yourself “let’s do the kid thing and get them to bed so that we can watch Netflix” this is narrow-minded momentary thinking. Momentary thinking gets you what you want momentarily and it’s selfish. Your tired and what’s most important is that you feel good instead of your kids being impacted by something powerful and positive by their father.

You must realize that what we do now at this moment has an impact in five years, ten years, twenty years and in the next century! It’s hard to pinpoint that and it’s not just this moment, it’s every moment, it’s the accumulation of how we live our lives every second. 

Someone once said that how we live our days is how we live our lives and it’s an interesting concept because we as finite humans tend to fall under the belief that “oh it’s just one day” but a day becomes two days and then a week a month and a year of you not leading your family and pretty soon you don’t know where the time went, all of your kids have moved out and your home alone stuck in the same funk you allowed yourself to be stuck in for years which is being passive and not taking up your God-given role and leading your family. You may have had good intentions but good intentions reap nothing if you are not willing to die to your flesh and do what you know you are called to do. 

So, it’s about today. Today is what matters, and we need to bring an important back to today which means rejecting passivity and leading as it is our God-given roles as husbands and fathers. 

Why Dads Struggle with Passivity & How Moms can Help

1. We are Descendants of Adam & Eve

2. Marriage Dynamics 

3. They Don’t Read the Bible

4. They have Not Seen it Modelled

5. Cultural Resistance

1. We are Descendants of Adam & Eve

• The number one reason that Dads Struggle with passivity is because we are descendants of Adam and Eve. We often refer to this as the Adam and Eve complex. You can read all about what we are going to talk about in Genesis three. 
• So what happened is Adam become passive which allowed Eve to lead him and she gave him the forbidden fruit and they ate of it, and because they ate of the fruit that God had commanded them not to, sin was brought into the world and ever since then men have struggled with passivity.
• There are many examples of passivity throughout the bible, one example is when Sarah cant give birth to a child and she takes it into her own hands and Abraham is passive and does what Sarah tells him to do, which was to impregnate Sarah’s servant Hagar.
• Now, this is not a man-bashing episode, there are many examples of when men are not passive but you know what, a lot of the time when men are not being passive is when they are doing their thing outside of the family. A lot of the time men become passive inside the family dynamic. We might have just done amazing work that day and gone the extra mile to help someone with their thing but why is it that when we drive up to the house and we come home to our families that we become vegetables? Now, this doesn’t happen to everybody but it’s happened to us and we have to fight it! Sometimes it’s good to sit in the car and have a transition time from work to home where you can think about ways you can lead your family and ways that you can cherish your wife. 
• Now it can be easy as wives to take it the wrong way when you see your husband sitting out in the car. It can be easy to think that he is being selfish and that he should be inside helping you and this is why you as a married couple must understand each other because everyone is wired differently and for some men, sitting in the car for ten to fifteen minutes before going inside is exactly what they need to be the best they can be when they are home, and you wives need to understand that and have grace. It wasn’t until we had a deep conversation about these things and how we are wired that we were able to understand each other and give grace where grace is needed.
• 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 says “Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love.”
• This scripture is telling us that we need to be watchful of the times when we might being passive as men and as women to be watchful of when it is our turn to step down in leadership when the father gets home from work. 

2. Marriage Dynamics

• It is so important that you understand the dynamics of your marriage, the strengths, weaknesses and how you are different because it can be so easy to become frustrated with each other’s differences if you don’t understand that God placed you together and made you different so that you can work together as a team, make up for the differences and become one. And that beautiful picture of oneness cannot be accomplished without great communication and purposefulness.
• Men, you need to be purposeful in leading your family, and that might mean getting intel from your wife and dealing with certain situations, or reading scripture to your son or daughter, or if you missed devotions in the morning making it a priority to do it in the evening and praying everyday not the same monotonous prayer but authentic spirit lead prayer. 
• Ephesians 5:22-24 says “Wives, submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
• Sometimes you may not think that your husband is worthy of being submitted to but the bible doesn’t say obey your parents if you think they deserve it, the bible says to obey your parents. The bible doesn’t say submit to your husband if you think he deserves it, the bible says to submit to your husband. As a wife it is your responsibility to submit and that means not disrespecting your husband in front of the kids so that he can lead, it means allowing for your husband to have the opportunity to rise up and lead and you need to realize that if you are discontent your husband can tell, and your lack of contentment has the most magnificent impact on whether your husband will have enough confidence to lead his family. If your husband senses that he isn’t good enough, that he doesn’t know enough of the bible to lead, he can’t pray as well as you or whatever it may be then his self-esteem and confidence is going to be way down in the gutters. Now, of course, we all need to take our own thoughts captive but you as a wife are supposed to be your husband’s partner you are supposed to support each other and lift each other up and when that’s not happening both of you will know and it will negatively affect your marriage. 
• Men, you need to understand how much influence you have. Your wife could listen to ten podcasts on religion and potentially be more versed in the bible then you but if you were to read two sentences from the bible and then take ten minutes to talk about it with your wife and kids they will be far more impacted by that then the ten podcasts they listened to earlier. Why is it more powerful? Because God gave you the role of father and spiritual leader on purpose and he made you the pastor of your family, nobody else. So every word that comes out of your mouth is way more powerful and influential to your children and your wife. 
• If you are a wife you may be wondering whether you can speak or lead at all, of course, you can and you should! You and your husband are equal. Equal in value but different in your roles. When your husband is gone at work, guess who is in charge, you are, and when the spirit is prompting you to pray, read scripture, or lead your children in any way you should do it. You and your husband are called you work together to raise your children and to leave a legacy that is glorifying to God. 
• When you as a wife have a biblical understanding of your role in your marriage everything will change. Because then in the moments when your husband is leading, you will shift into the gear of helping him to lead. You are not helping him to lead, you are helping him to be able to lead. It is important to ask yourself hard questions like are you coming across as competitive because of your Eve complex, are you interrupting an interjecting too much? And just because you can say something better, understand it better and bring more meaning to it doesn’t mean you should if it is going to discourage your husband. 
• You also want to be setting an example to your sons of what their role will be one day and if you as a wife are domineering and leading family bible time instead of your husband you are not setting a good example for your children. If you are partnering with your husband and supporting him as he leads the family you are setting a good example of marriage and the different roles in marriage to your sons and daughters. That should be your goal. 

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3. They Don’t Read the Bible

• The bible can be intimidating. First of all, it’s a big book. Probably longer than anything you will read and if you are not used to reading it then it can be hard and a lot of people have a difficult time deciding where to start. We encourage you to consistently be in the word and if you don’t know where to read just read John or James or if you want to teach something but you don’t know what to teach just go to proverbs its full of wisdom and it’s easy to talk about but the reality is you can’t go wrong with any of the Bible, just open it up and get into the word. A good way to lead family devotions is to pick a book in the bible and slowly go through it and study it with your family that way you know every day what you will be reading next and you can give your family something to look forward to. 
• If you don’t read the bible how can you teach something in the bible? Now, you don’t need to be this super-smart theologian or the pastor of a megachurch all you need to do is open up the Bible, read the word and discuss it. That’s it! 
• Hebrews 4:12 says “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
• This is the core of parenting. To be able to discern the thoughts and intents of the hearts of your children so that you can correct when needed and encourage when needed and then raise up your children to be lights in a fallen world. 
• If you want more peace in the home, if you want more obedience, if your wife is struggling with something then you need to bring the sword of the spirit which is the bible, God has given us this amazing tool so that we can run the race well. And it’s nothing you do that makes the bible powerful. If you were to simply read the words in the bible God can do amazing things and in many situations that is the perfect thing to do. You do not need to be a modern-day theologian in order to disciple your family!
• Here is a question for you women out there that want their husbands to be better spiritual leaders. Are you making time for your husband to study the word so that he can be equipped to lead your family or do you fill his time with all these different things so that when he is home he doesn’t have time to study the bible?
• Proverbs 1:8 says “My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck.”
• You could read this verse and then say to your kids, “your life will go well if you listen to your parents” and boom, you have just edified your family and influenced obedience in your home. 

4. They have Not Seen it Modelled

• Another reason that dads may be struggling with passivity is that they haven’t seen it modeled for them and they simply don’t know what it looks like to be the spiritual leader of a home. This is a very real thing, but frankly, it’s a horrible excuse to be weak. 
• Maybe you weren’t raised in a Christian home or you didn’t have a father who modeled to you what a spiritual leader is but here’s the thing. You have an opportunity to leave a new legacy. If you make excuses, you get to keep them. If you keep making excuses you will replicate your past and bad experiences. Of course, if you were raised in a secular home and you haven’t had it modeled for you then it will be hard but you have two choices, you can replicate your past or you can leave a new legacy. 
• As a man of faith you are called to be a biblical man, you are called to be the spiritual leader of your home and you are called to leave a legacy that brings glory to God. the purpose of parenting is the gospel, its bring people to the knowledge of Jesus Christ as Lord and savior and if all you do is go to work, come home, play with your kids and love your wife you are doing nothing for the salvation of your children! You have to be purposeful and you can’t use excuses to finagle your way out of your God-given responsibilities. Everyone can make excuses, but not everyone will have the courage to reject passivity and leave a new legacy of fathers who lead their families in the Lord. 
• Becoming a spiritual leader for the first time, praying for your wife, discipling your children anything that you learn to do for the first time is going to be awkward and sometimes painful just like going to the gym! But after a while of consistency, it becomes easier. Praying with your wife for the first time might be awkward but try not including God in your marriage, we promise you that in the long run passivity is much more difficult than being purposeful. 
• All of this requires humility. If we think that we can parent and have a successful marriage without God and the Holy Spirit guiding our steps then we are prideful. If you haven’t gotten to a place where you just don’t know the answer and you go to the bible in search of truth then that might be a sign that there is some pride in your heart. 
• James 4:10 says “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”
• James 4:17 says “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”
• If you are listening to our podcast then you know that you are to be leading your family in the Lord and you know that you are to be seeking God and reading his word. So, if you know that and we just told you and you are not doing these things then to you it is sin. 
• Philippians 3:17 says “Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern.”
• If you don’t know what something should look like then find someone who you can follow. You need to be walking in community with other people who are doing this well. 

5. Cultural Resistance

• There is a lot of cultural resistance towards living biblically but believe it or not there is also resistance in the church. As you choose who you walk in community with do those people show more interest in conversations of sports or God and family and biblical things? Do you discuss how to be a better father or who you think will win the super bowl? Is there accountability and can you call each other out in love when sin is revealed and do you encourage each other to be more like Christ? 
• If you don’t have these things in your community then maybe you need to find a new community or maybe you just haven’t been transparent enough with your current community. 
• Comparison is another pitfall that you need to be aware of. Do you have a competitive nature? Are you blessed when your brother in christ is amazing at prayer or are you jealous and wish you were as eloquent a speaker as he is? 
• God has his role, he gives us salvation and with that, we receive the holy spirit and it is not something that we can earn, it’s not works based but faith-based. There is nothing you can do for salvation all we have to do is have faith in the Lord Jesus as our Savior and God and he promises us salvation. Does this mean that when a kid accepts the Lord that we can let our guard down and stop be purposeful and discipling them? No, absolutely not. Sometimes the way things are taught can give leeway to parents and influence them to let their guard down because God has a grip on the children and nothing can separate them. But the reality is that sin can separate us from God and we have a responsibility as parents to protect our children and teach them to guard themselves so that when they launch into the world they won’t be ensnared by sin and leave the faith. God says that no power can separate us from God but it doesn’t say that we cannot walk away, and the sad truth is that many choose to walk away. 
• If listening to this podcast has convicted you and made you realize areas that you have been passive in your life then you need to reject passivity. And when you do that the whispers of the enemy will be quieted and you will embrace your God-given role, you’re going to step into it and the first time you take a step towards leadership and purposefulness your wife is just going to smile with delight, she is going to be so excited and it is going to be the start of a whole new path for your legacy that is unbelievable. 

Scripture In This Episode:

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 – “Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.Let all that you do be done with love.”

Ephesians 5:22-24 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Hebrews 4:12 – “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

Proverbs 1:8 – “My son, hear the instruction of your father,
And do not forsake the law of your mother”

James 4:10 – “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

James 4:17 – “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”

Philippians 3:17 – “Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern.”

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In this episode of courageous parenting, we are talking about chores, allowances and contributing to the family. 

This is part two of our last episode where we discussed entitlement. We found that this was an important topic to talk about again because we live in an increasingly entitled world where a lot of people believe that they deserve things even when they haven’t worked for them. 

No matter how good you believe you are at instilling work ethic in the home or addressing entitlement there are unintended consequences of well-intentioned Christian parents that create entitlement. 

We receive a lot of requests for ideas of chores that you could give to kids at different ages. This is a frequent question that we get and we will answer it later in this episode. 

In today’s episode, we are going to be answering some of your questions such as why we don’t do allowances, the concept of contributing, jurisdictions, how to talk about money and heart attitudes. 

Chores, Teamwork, & Why we don’t Give Allowance

1. Why we don’t pay our Kids Allowance

2. Kids need Experience with Money

3. How to Spend Money

1. Why we don’t pay our Kids Allowance

• Let’s start with our definition of an allowance. We don’t mean that we do not ever pay our kids, we do pay our kids for some things such as commission jobs and there are ways and opportunities for them to earn money. 
• There are a lot of kids out there that are given a monthly or weekly allowance by there parents for doing absolutely nothing. You must know that if you are a parent you are not required to do that.
• If you grew up earning an allowance that doesn’t mean that you need to do to your kids what your parents did to you. 
• We do not have an allowance in our home, we don’t talk about it and I don’t think that the majority of our children even know what an allowance is, but we do want them to have money because we want them to know how to manage money. We want our children to grow up in our household knowing how to manage money well. 
• If you don’t prescribe money given to kids based on results, not jobs for doing an activity then you might be creating an entitled person down the road. 
• We want our children to understand work ethic and the value of money. Our younger children have the opportunity to earn money by doing what we call commission jobs. Commission jobs are jobs such as pulling weeds, sweeping the garage, cleaning cars or the BBQ. we pay our children based on the results and their effort. So we tell them the job, what it entails and that they will be paid based upon the value of the work that they did. 
• Now, there is also a place for nonprofit family jobs. For example, sometimes we will pay a kid to rake the leaves in the backyard, other times we will come together and work as a family and the kids will not get paid. There is a balance, like we said we want our children to know how to manage money, but there are few opportunities for young children to make money which is why it is up to us to determine the balance of commission and non profit jobs so that our children learn to manage money without becoming entitled and also to understand their place in the family team. 

2. Kids need Experience with Money

• It is also important to teach your children how to have a certain of their earned income placed in savings, investments, tithing, and spending. These four things will teach your children how to manage money which will help them abundantly in the future. 
• The important thing is that your kids are practicing managing money and that for us is why we have done commission jobs. If your kids are given an allowance, which they received even though they did nothing to earn it you could be creating an entitlement attitude in your child and they might just spend the money frivolously because they did nothing to earn it and don’t understand the value of it. 
• If you give your child money and tell them to invest it or give it away how much do you think they care? They didn’t earn that money! You’re having them give away the money that you worked hard for and then you are giving them credit for it!
• The reality is that if a kid has worked really hard for that five dollars, to have a generous heart and a heart that is yielded to what God is asking of them in regards to tithing, saving, spending, and investing it is a totally different thing when they have worked hard for the money instead of it being handed to them for free. 
• 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 says “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.”
• This was a big deal for us. We wanted our children to have thankful, cheerful and generous hearts in doing work for others, this is not about the money! It’s about raising children who have a heart for God and are yielded to him and are generous with their time, money and time. Not in a legalistic way just because it’s what the bible says but because their hearts truly desire it. 
• Proverbs 6:6-8 says “Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, Which, having no captain, Overseer or ruler, Provides her supplies in the summer, And gathers her food in the harvest.”
• This is such a good passage to read with your kids because it’s such a vivid picture in their minds. This is a picture of an ant who is doing what they need to do without anyone having to tell them. And that is the point of what we’re training in our children. We want our kids to be hard workers when they are older without us having to tell them. You don’t want to be parenting your adult children going “why didn’t you go get a job?” or having adults who have failed to launch and are still living in your home when they are thirty years old because they don’t know what it means to provide for their family or to get up and start working. 
• If you have lost a job and had to move back home that’s one thing but there is no excuse for being a sluggard and that is exactly what proverbs six is talking about!

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3. How to Spend Money

• So let’s talk about how to spend money. Spending money is an important part of money management. You want your children to feel good about spending money. 
• It is inevitable and just like every human your children are going to want to spend their money. Sometimes our nine-year-old, for example, will come to us asking if he can rent a movie with his own money. This provides us with the opportunity to teach them. We say something like “how much is your net worth?” and they say like thirty-five dollars and then you explain to them that if they were to rent this movie for four dollars and ninety-nine cents they would be spending around seventeen percent of their whole net worth. It provides an opportunity to teach your children to make wise decisions and instead of spending money on something that lasts an hour, why not spend it on something that you can enjoy longer or appreciate more.
• If you give your children money without them having to work for it then the conversation of what it’s worth and the effort that was spent to earn the money can’t exist. If your children grow up without understanding these principles they will be ill-equipped for the world ahead of them. 
• Here are some ways to teach your children to save money and be frugal with the money they have. 
• One way is to shop for things when they are on sale. Our kids know that we do not like to purchase new things because the mark up is so high but there is a time and place for buying things new and investing. For example, when we first got married we bought a crib and dresser which was new and cost a good amount of our net worth, but it was an investment because we have used that dresser and crib with every one of our children. Instead of buying cheap cribs for nineteen years we purchased one expensive crib that lasted forever!
• Colossians 3:23 says “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”
• So, whose money is it anyway? It’s God’s! We have taught our kids this and we constantly teach our kids this principle and try to live as an example of this principle. Everything we have is God’s. We have gone through seasons where we would start to believe that it was our money and god has had to remind us of the truth. 
• A question that needs to be asked regularly is “Can God trust me?” if God can’t trust you with money and blessings what do you think the chances are that he will give you them? 
• Forty percent of Americans believe that socialism is a good thing, and it all starts in the home when they are young and easily influenced. During your child’s young years in the home you are cultivating your child and whether they become socialist and entitled later on is massively impacted by your parenting!
• You must hold your children accountable. If you are working as a family and someone starts slacking off you need to hold the sluggard accountable. 
• We’ve said this before and we are saying it again because it is so important. Kids will rise to the level of responsibility that you give them. 
• Here are some chores that you can give your kids based upon their age and capabilities. 
• If your child can walk and take toys out of their place then they can surely put them away. 
• When your child is in a high chair, still unable to walk, you can teach them not to throw food on the floor. 
• Teaching these things at such a young age is so foundational and important because you are wiring them and setting the precedent that you are the teacher and they are the student, that you’re in charge and they need to follow your leadership. 
• 18 months to four years old, now this is a big gap in age but between these ages, you can be teaching them to put their clothes away. If they can take their clothes out put them on and take them off then they can put them away. You can have them help you when you are doing laundry, folding, matching and delivering to different people in the family. You can also teach children in this age range to make their beds and clean their rooms.
• Have your kids put away their shoes and coats when they get home instead of leaving them on the floor in the entryway. 
• If your kids are under four, have them help you with dishes. Drying and putting away safe dishes is the dream job for kids under four!
• Have your children help you cook or bake, here are some examples, cutting olives with a butter knife. Things like olives, green beans, and other veggies can be super easy to cut which presents a perfect opportunity for you to teach knife safety. 
• Some other things that you can have your children of any age do are pick berries or help pull weeds, even wiping counters down or cleaning windows. 
• Slow down, have your little ones help you even if it will make it take way longer. 
• Now, four to seven years old, you can have them vacuum, sweep, dishes, laundry, cleaning their room on their own without having to be told. Helping to clean the car, care for animals, our firstborn was taking care of twenty-one chickens at five years old. 
• Age eleven and up based upon their spiritual and mental maturity you can have your children babysitting your other kids, cooking for the family, cleaning, starting a business and at this age your children should have jurisdictions that they are responsible for and they should be able to take care of them without you reminding them or telling them to. 
• Luke 16:10-12 says “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own?”
• These are just suggestions, things we have done and seen fruit from doing. You are the parent and you get to decide what is safe and wise for your children but you must train them to have responsibilities and learn to have work ethic. 
• Like luke sixteen says, it is important to instill in your children the importance of the small things like picking up after themselves because the small things echo into their futures and will determine who they become when they are older. 
• We just want to encourage you to think about why you do what you do. Do you give allowances? Maybe your kids are young and you haven’t thought about it but this is a conversation that you need to have with your spouse because you need to be on the same page, you need to think about how you are going to give your children opportunities to manage money well, to save, spend, give and invest, these are important aspects, but they also need to learn that there are somethings that we do because we are part of a team and we don’t get paid to play our role in the family. 
• Husbands, you need to lead your family, you need to dig in, you need to create a culture where your family works together and accomplishes things and has a good time doing it. The best way to do that is to lead by example, your children need to see you do what you tell them to do. You need to back up your wife, work together as a team, and you need to have vision. 
• If you are a parent, vision is required, this doesn’t mean that you need to be a visionary that’s a gift that you may or may not have, but all parents need to have vision, you need to be able to see ahead, you need to be able to see heart problems in your family today so that you can work on them so that in the future they are not getting themselves into trouble and be walking righteously because the purpose of parenting is to raise disciples who love God and want to make Him known!

Scripture In This Episode:

2 Corinthians 9:6-7 – “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.”

Proverbs 6:6-8 – “Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, Which, having no captain, Overseer or ruler, Provides her supplies in the summer, And gathers her food in the harvest.”

Colossians 3:23 – “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,”

Luke 16:10-12 – “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own?”

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  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

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  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Courageous parenting is not just about what we are teaching our children today it’s about the purpose of teaching them the right things today and equipping our kids for when they are launched into the world!

Today we are going to be talking about instilling work ethic in an entitled world. 

What is an entitled world? Well, if you take a look at the culture today and what it was like ten, twenty or thirty years ago, you can see that the younger generations are becoming more and more entitled, believing that they are owed something without working for it. 

Entitlement used to be referred to as being spoiled but over the years it has become normalized and more and more people believe that they should have things whether they deserve it or not. 

This is a growing challenge and this entitlement attitude is going to become worse and worse, which is why it is so incredibly important as parents that we instill a work ethic in our families!

So, today we are going to talk about practical ways you can instill work ethic in your family and dangerous pitfalls to be aware of along the way that could potentially cause your children to have entitlement attitudes. 

As parents, no matter what generation we are from, we need to be humble and take responsibility for our children and if they are entitled we need to recognize where we didn’t make the mark instead of blame-shifting. It can be easy to blame school, friends or other influences for your child’s shortcomings but the reality is this, you are responsible for who you allow your children to interact with. You are responsible for placing good influences in their lives so that they are not lead astray by the world. 

Now, your children will grow older, you will not always have the same amount of authority in their lives. They are fully responsible for their salvation and how they choose to live, and nothing you do as a parent can guarantee their salvation, however, as parents we are called to raise our children in the Lord and guide them, and to a certain degree, we are responsible for how our children live. 

Socialism is a growing topic in our world and some countries are seriously considering it. If it ever happened everyone would be given the same amount of money every month whether they did anything for it or not and what that would create in a lot of people is entitlement because whether they deserve it or not, they will be given money every month. Now if you are raised to have work ethic and understand that entitlement is wrong then you may not become entitled amongst a potential socialist country.

Now think about it, socialism is becoming more and more of a hot topic and you quite possibly might be raising children that will be living in socialism in their future. If you do not teach your children to have work ethic and to understand entitlement and if you do not prepare them for an uncertain, evil world then you could be leaving them defenseless when they live in a world that is different than what we have now. It is futile to believe that things won’t change, we need to prepare our children and equip them so that they can live according to God’s word and not fall into the snare of the devil. 

It is our human nature to disdain from work, pain, struggle or anything that causes us to be uncomfortable or tired. This goes into every area of our lives! We live in a culture that says when things get hard you should just pop a pill and numb yourself to the discomfort, stress, or anxiety. We live in a world that tries so hard to avoid pain and suffering and take the easy way out of situations instead of doing what God calls us to which is stopping, reflecting, praying and asking God our deliverer for his guidance, his strength, and his encouragement. 

God never said that life would be easy, he places trials and hard times in our lives so that we can learn and grow but more than that because he wants the glory! When life is painless and everything seems effortless it becomes far to easy to stop relying on God because we are deceived into believing that we don’t need him anymore! When we pop a pill to escape the pain, or when we institute socialism we are potentially removing God’s purpose for our lives, which is to glorify Him in the good and the bad times. 

1 timothy 5:8 says “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Instilling Work Ethic in an Entitled World

1. Signs Your Kids are Entitled

2. How You as a Parent Reinforce Entitlement

3. Ideas for Teaching Work Ethic

1. Signs Your Kids are Entitled

• A sign that your children may be entitled if they don’t take care of their things. Some examples of this may be leaving their bike out in the rain and then it rusts, or neglecting their pets.
• A sign that your children may be entitled is if they do not respect the value of something. This could take form in a few different ways, they may be constantly asking for new things because they are not thankful for what they have and they don’t understand that it costs something and if it costs something mom and dad have to work for it. Another example of this may be that they don’t respect other people’s things if they are drawing on their desk at school or not being respectful of other people’s homes there are so many other examples of a child not respecting the value of things. 
• A sign that your children may be entitled is if they have a lack of respect for authority, they have an independent spirit, they think they can do what they want and have what they want. 
• A sign that your children may be entitled is if they think that they deserve what everyone else has. If their friend has a cool toy do they think they should have it too?
• It is important as parents that we are aware when our children could potentially be weak in the sin of covetousness and wanting what other people have because the bible says very clearly throughout the bible and in the ten commandments that we are not to covet and this is something that we need to train out of our child because it is a natural human desire to want what other people have. 
• In Philippians 2:14-15 it says “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,”
• We live in a crooked generation so we need to be aware of the ways that our generation is crooked today and be introspective, realistic and honest about how the generation has made an impression or influenced our kid’s hearts and our hearts which leads us to our next point.

2. How You as a Parent Reinforce Entitlement

• One way that you may be reinforcing entitlement is if you put your kids on a sports team where they celebrate mediocrity and give everyone a trophy. If this happens, and it’s happened with us before what we do is we educate our children afterward and say “the way that should have happened is only the top few people should have gotten trophies” and the only reason they gave everyone a trophy is because they didn’t want anyone to feel bad. But for kids, they must learn how to lose well. Knowing how to lose well is equally as important as winning well, and part of losing well is rejoicing with other people when they are winning and you may not be doing as well as they are. 
• The bible says in Romans 12:15 to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. And it’s not even about losing as much as it is about rejoicing for your teammate who made a goal and you didn’t and then identifying in yourself areas that you can improve and then working towards it! Because now they have something to strive for and motivation to improve and grow, but if everyone gets the same reward what’s the point of working hard? What is there to work for? 
• Another way that you as parents might be reinforcing entitlement is by our example. Are you modeling for your children how you want them to act? Do you have an entitlement attitude? Do you respect authority? Do you allow people to speak into your life or are you disrespectful and if someone calls you out on your sin to you take it or ignore it? Do you humbly take correction? 
• Another way that you as parents might be reinforcing entitlement is by your language about work. Do your children see you value the importance of working hard or do they see you complaining about it? Do your children witness you complaining about how much your spouse works? 
• Another way that you as parents might be reinforcing entitlement is if you believe that you are too good for certain kinds of work. Is your ego so big that you won’t do the dishes, laundry or pull the weeds in your backyard? If you do, then this will without a doubt seep into your children and they will resist certain jobs just because they feel like it will hurt their ego. If we are trying to get out of doing things because of laziness or because we think we are too good for it then there is something there in our hearts that needs to be confronted, whether it be pride or laziness. 
• Another way that you as parents might be reinforcing entitlement is by doing everything for your kids! Do you have your kids contribute to what we call the family team? Or do you do all the laundry, dishes, cleaning and everything else? Your children will only spend thirty percent of their lives with you, this is why it is so important that we talk about these topics because it is your responsibility as parents to equip your children for the other ninety percent of their lives! If you do everything for your children then what are you teaching them? 
• Proverbs 10:4 says “He who has a slack hand becomes poor, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.”

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3. Ideas for Teaching Work Ethic

• One of our biggest efforts towards teaching our children work ethic was planting a vineyard, we decided that we wanted a family project that the whole family could be involved in, so we planted a vineyard. We also had animals, pets are a great way to teach your children responsibility. 
• One question that we get pretty frequently is “what do you do when you give your child a responsibility and they do it for a while but over time the start slacking?” let’s use an example. You have a dog and your child is responsible for feeding it and taking care of it, but they start slacking, most of the time the parents will end up picking up the slack because they know that if the dog doesn’t get taken care of it will start acting up and potentially have health problems. But this is the wrong approach. What needs to happen in this situation is you need to sit your child down and have a serious conversation and tell them that if they don’t take care of the dog there will be serious consequences and you might even need to place the dog in a home that will take good care of it. This goes for any situation, even if it’s just the dishes or a household chore if you pick up the slack from your children they will become entitled and rely on you to do everything for them. You need to be clear with your child and place serious consequences on the table if they don’t yield to your authority and follow through. 
• When you pick up the slack for your kids, you are teaching them that your word is worthless, because you told them to do something and you did it for them instead. 
• We have a rule in our house, and there is a certain word that we’re not allowed to say, we consider it to be equal to that of a swear word and it is “can’t” we do not allow our children to say that they can’t do something. It’s okay for things to be hard and need help but to say that you can’t do something is one, extremely defeating, and two it allows the child to give up and a lot of time lack integrity. A lot of times kids will say that they can’t do something before they even try and for us, a big part of it is the lack of integrity behind the word. 
• Now, there are legitimate things that certain people cannot do. But they can find a different way to say it because we do not want our children saying that they can’t do something. 
• Colossians 3:23 says “And whatever you do, do it heartily as unto the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”
• When your children grow older and get jobs they must know who they are working for, and it’s not the manager at a coffee shop! They are working for God, not Man. They will not understand who they are working for unless they are taught from the beginning in your home. Like, who are we sweeping the floors for? We are doing it unto the Lord, we are doing it in a manner that is glorifying to God, and that needs to be the motivation, it can’t be to please mom, dad, or the manager at a coffee shop. Because if the motivation is to please Man then that means there is or was performance-based parenting in the home. And it’s not about performance, it’s about the heart and if the heart is to please God then naturally you will do your best and the results will be good. 
• Philippians 2:14 says “Do all things without complaining and disputing”
• A problem that a lot of parents have is that their kids do halfway jobs and they don’t follow through. This is a very common problem and something that needs to be addressed from an early age. God expects our best from us, and that doesn’t mean that we need to do the best work. It just means that we need to work our hardest to do the best we possibly can and to grow. Just because someone does better at something than you do doesn’t mean that you have failed. You have failed when you stop caring and don’t give your all to God. 
• Doing all things unto the Lord is a convicting truth that needs to be implanted in our children’s minds. They should be giving their best always because that is what God expects and because they want to please their heavenly father.
• We live in an entitled world, and our kids are the future, our children are going to be controlling politics in the future, so all the little examples that we have given you about how you can teach your children work ethic and how you might be reinforcing entitlement, all these things will affect the future and what our world looks like in twenty to thirty years. 

Scripture In This Episode:

1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Philippians 2:14-15 – “Do all things without complaining and disputing,that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,”

Romans 12:15 – “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Proverbs 10:4 – “He who has a slack hand becomes poor,
But the hand of the diligent makes rich.”

Colossians 3:23 – “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,”

Philippians 2:14 – “Do all things without complaining and disputing”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

The topic of today’s discussion is very relevant to today’s culture. Today we are talking about mentors. More specifically, Titus two men and women. 

If you are not familiar with the book of Titus which you should be if you are a professing Christian who claims to be reading their bible then you might think of Titus two only about women but in reality it the book begins by giving charge to the men!

So, what is a Titus two-man or woman? 

The concept of Titus two or a Titus two-person is often referred to as an older person who is mentoring or discipling someone younger than them. 

We say mentoring or discipling because there is a difference between worldly mentorship/worldly coaching and biblical discipleship. As Christians, we are all called to the great commission which is making disciples of all nations and we know that that first starts in the home by training up a child in the way they should go. But as you get older God also commands you within the body of Christ, within his family to not just disciples and rais up your kids but he wants all his kids to be his disciples. 

This is important because if you are not doing the right things when you are younger, you will not be equipped or even qualified to be a Titus two mentor.

So, Titus two is referring to the passage of scripture in Titus where it talks about the older men in the church teaching the younger men and the older women in the church teaching the younger women. In Titus, it is very clear on the specific things they are supposed to be teaching and we are going to dive into all of it in this episode!

In this episode, we are going to talk about why there is a lack of Titus two mentors, what to look for in a mentor, how to secure one and areas of focus with your mentor. 

God should not be compartmentalized into only one area of our life.

A big point of this episode that should be glaring to all of us is in the age of the internet, phones, devices, apps, podcasts, social media, books and all this stuff where its so easily available and free in most cases nothing replaces human interaction, and so if you only get information from the digital or physical material then you are going to feel very lonely, and you are going to miss out on the other aspects of fruitfulness that can only happen through a real human relationship. All of the things we listed are not bad, they can be very good! But if its all you are getting then it is not healthy. 

Do you get accountability from listening to our podcast? No, you don’t. You may think that you do because we talk about convicting topics and things that you need to change and praise God for that but are we able to follow up and go “hey, so how are you doing at cherishing your wife?” or “how are you doing at serving your husband?” we cannot do that for you guys through this podcast!

You may learn a lot from our podcast and maybe have implemented a lot of things that you have learned but we guarantee you that if you find someone who has experience down the road that you want to travel and you walk with that person and learn from them you will grow and change much more because you have accountability and a real human relationship. 

Can you have mentors who have made mistakes? Yes, first of all, everyone makes mistakes, and yes we have had mentors who have made tremendous mistakes, but guess what, God can redeem anything he wants to and what really matters is that he or she has a humble spirit about the mistakes they have made and is aligned with God and biblical doctrine. 

A relationship with a mentor will not work unless both you and your mentor have a humble heart. The whole purpose of having a mentor is to grow and learn from them and their knowledge and experience but that will not happen if you do not have a humble and teachable heart. 

Where are the Titus Two Men & Women?

1. Why There is a Lacking

2. Fruit Matters

3. How to Secure a Mentor

4. Areas of Focus

1. Why There is a Lacking

• So you walk into a church and all you see is younger people. This has happened to us. But where are the men and women who have experience and wisdom to share? We are talking about the ones who are forty plus years old. Where are the ones who have had experience with raising children? Where are the ones who are on fire to teach the younger generations? Where are the people who understand that as long as they are alive on earth God has a purpose for their life? What about the ones who understand their role in the church and their calling to fulfill the great commission? 
• A lot of what we see in our culture today is selfishness. The ones who think they don’t have any more work to do. They think that since they have raised their kids, gone to work, provided for their families and ministered in the church that they have no responsibilities in the kingdom of God and that they can just relax. 
• It’s the between walking in the flesh and walking in the spirit with open ears towards what God has called them to do which is to raise up the next generations and create disciples!
• In the traditional church today we see a lot of segregation. Sunday schools for every age and you only hang out with people who are your age. This creates division. We are called to be in unity and we are not saying that having separate get-togethers are bads but if there isn’t a way for everyone to come together and be in real community with each other then it can be extremely harmful!
• Our purpose is not to discourage or talk negatively to the church. The church abroad is the bride of Christ and we love it! We are making some generalizations of a majority of churches and the fact is that there is a drive-through mentality in the church in America. The drive-through mentality is just going to church, saying high to people, having small talk and then leaving. It has become more of a checklist for a lot of people instead of it being what God purposed it to be which is a family, God wants us to be in real fellowship with one another, having deep conversations and meeting throughout the week. God wants us to have accountability and love for each other. 
• There are Titus two men and women out there, there are people who don’t know what it means to be a Titus two woman or man but if you were to just ask them I bet you they would love to meet with you! Being a Titus two-man or woman is just a title. All it means is that you are aligned with God’s word, older and mentoring someone younger! Everyone knows what it means to be a mentor but not all will understand that being a Titus two-man or woman is the same thing. Instead of trying to find someone who says they are a Titus two-man or woman how about you just try to find someone who has the qualifications and then ask them to mentor you!
• A problem that is common and that we see a lot of is that younger people do not value or respect the older people and this is a result of ageism. Do you think older people will want to disciple and spend time with younger people if they aren’t respected and valued? 

2. Fruit Matters

• Titus 1:5 says “For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you.”
• Now, you may be wondering why we are bringing up eldership. Well, because whether they are an elder or not you want to be seeking out the people with the qualifications of an elder! 
• Look for the fruit. You know this! You’ve probably read this many places in the bible! It says that by their fruit you will know that they are a believer! So what kind of fruit should we be looking for in a mentor?
• Titus 1:6-9 says “if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.”
• Titus 2:1-5 says “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.”
• These are the fruits you should be looking for! 
• This isn’t our opinion. This is God’s word. 
• The bible is very clear about what older men and women should be doing! It’s clear on what they should teach how they should teach it and how to be qualified to be a mentor!
• An important thing to realize is that sometimes people don’t feel like they are worthy of being a mentor even though they are! 
• (Angie shares her experiences with older women and encouraging them in their roles. Tune in to hear the story)
• Imagine how it would feel if you were older and you didn’t have anyone who wanted to hear from you. It may not be true, but a lot of older people feel that way, which is why you must make your desires known and show interest! 
• If you don’t have anyone in your community that you would consider reaching out to for mentorship then maybe you should consider stepping out of your community a little bit and look around you to see who God has naturally placed in your life, do you have a grandparent or an in-law? 

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3. How to Secure a Mentor

• So, let’s talk about how to secure a mentor. The first and most important thing to do is to pray about it. If you are not inviting God into this then you are in your flesh making important decisions. 
• We tell this to our teenagers all the time, and its that if you make all these important decisions about your life in your flesh it is so much better if you are in the spirit because these decisions you are making are hinges to your life and the direction you will go. 
• Don’t you think that if you are going to allow someone to speak into your life its a pretty important thing? So, when looking for a mentor you have to have God involved! You need to ask God for someone to come into your life and ask in faith, we do not want to be double-minded like it talks about in James, where we ask but we don’t believe what we are asking for. 
• The second tip is you need to ask. There could be someone around you right now who thinks that they can help and mentor you but here’s the thing, they will not ask you! Put yourself in their shoes, would you ask someone if you could mentor them? No. it is your job to seek out a mentor and ask. The younger person must ask the older person to mentor them very clearly. 
• (Isaac shares his story by asking his mentors to mentor him and how grateful they were. Tune in to hear the story.)
• Another key point to having mentors is that you need to make time for your spouse to have a mentor. A mentor is there to help your spouse to grow and in turn, it will help you and your marriage but if you don’t allow time for it then it simply won’t happen. 

4. Areas of focus

• After you have secured a mentor you need to give them full permission to ask you anything! This is vital. They need to be able to ask you about what you are struggling with and then hold you accountable. And when they ask you a question you need to answer honestly. 
• Your aim should be to become like your mentor, to follow in their footsteps and to learn as much as you can from him/her. 
• You should also be striving to live by what the bible says in Titus and become qualified to one-day mentor someone of your own! 
• Not everyone should be an elder, it is not God’s purpose for everyone. But we should all strive to have the qualifications of an elder. 
• Having a mentor is not comfortable, it goes against your flesh and exposes things that your flesh wants to keep hidden, but this is the refining process and it what we are all called to. 
• Who you allow top influence you will impact your legacies. 
• The only way you can discern and rightly judge who should be your mentor is to evaluate the fruit and does that person have a marriage that you want your marriage to be like? Do you want your kids to be like their kids? 

Scripture In This Episode:

Titus 1:5 – “For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you.”

Titus 1:6-9 – “if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination. For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.”

Titus 2:1-5 – “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Today we are going to be talking about the collision between Christmas and Christianity. 

Should Christians celebrate Christmas? This is a very controversial topic and if you have been struggling with whether you and your family should be celebrating Christmas just know that you are not alone, we wrestled with the same things when we were early on in our marriage and parenting. 

In this episode, we are going to share our story with celebrating Christmas and four keys to help you decide for you and your family! We will also give you some ideas for traditions you can implement, and some of our favorite resources!

We are going to share a biblical approach to Christmas and because this is a controversial topic some of you will probably disagree with us and that’s okay! We do not have to agree on everything. 

So, the first and most important thing and something that I’m sure we will all agree on is that we want our kids to have an understanding of Jesus’ birth during Christmas and we want the focus to be on Christ. This can be hard to do especially in today’s culture where the main focus is on presents and Santa. 

There are hundreds of parents just like you that are wanting answers, wrestling with things, feeling convicted about some things and in a very similar place that you might be in. 

So wherever you are, don’t feel alone, and hopefully, this podcast will be an encouragement to you, maybe a challenge to you and maybe give you some ideas that you and your spouse can talk about and discuss because we want you guys to be in alignment in whatever you decide to do. 

we are also going to give you scriptures that you can use with your family because if your kids understand the birth of Jesus but don’t understand the bible then they do not understand the meaning of Christmas. 

What is the point of Jesus being born if they don’t know the end of the story and how Jesus is our access to God. if they do not intimately know and understand the great news in their own lives it is going to be very very hard to keep their focus on what matters during Christmas. 

So let’s dive in!

Should Christians Celebrate Christmas?

1. Santa Vs. Grinch

2. Make Christmas About Christ

3. Traditions

4. Parental Peer Pressure

1. Santa Vs. Grinch

• Some people are obsessed with Christmas and all the activities that come with it such as Santa clause, food, presents, parties and Christmas lights. Now we love putting up Christmas lights and there is nothing wrong with most of these Christmas activities but the point we are trying to make and the question you need to ask yourself as we talk about all these different ideas and topics is how much energy and effort are you spending on those things that are potentially making you so exhausted or occupied that you have nothing left to be able to bring your kids back to the true meaning of Christmas and the eternal purpose behind it?
• On the topic of Christmas, there are two ends to the spectrum. There are the people who are into Santa and the whole Christmas culture shabang and on the other side you have the group of Christians that some might refer to as grinchy who don’t celebrate Christmas because its a pagan holiday to the degree that they don’t do anything at all, no presents no tree to decorations, nothing. 
• Now, if this is your approach, we love you and do not mean to offend you but it is impossible to make everyone happy. If you decide not to do anything for Christmas and then your kids get older and watch the movie the grinch, what are they going to think? Will they think that you are the grinch? Just a thought. 
• Why not have some good traditions and bring amazing meaning to Christmas? Now some may argue “well, we heard your podcast on Halloween and you said not to participate in it at all except for being a light and giving out candy with bible verses.” here’s the thing. Christmas is very very different from Halloween. Halloween was based on demonic ideas and Christmas is about the birth of Christ!
• We may not know that December 25th is the real day that Jesus was born but are we going to get so nitty-gritty and technical that we miss out on the meaning which is to celebrate Christ our Lord? Do you think that Jesus wants to be celebrated? Don’t you think that he wants his son to be glorified, magnified by the whole world? Of course, He does!
• Christmas is about Christ and so don’t you think that God is for anything that magnifies his son and magnifies him right? 
• We do not believe in lying to our kids about Santa, we talk to our kids about Santa but we do not tell them that he is real and that some dead guy is still alive and comes into our homes at night to deliver gifts. We do not tell them that he keeps a naughty and nice list to manipulate our kids into obedience. These are things that in our family we have felt a deep conviction about. 
• There was a time when we did not have a strong confident way to communicate this and we can now because we have had experience. We used to do Santa! When we were new parents and still figuring out where we stand on things we did do the whole Santa shabang. All of our friends were doing it and we felt peer pressure and so we did it.
• It wasn’t until we were reading certain scriptures that we started feeling convicted, and aside from that, we were getting exhausted! We have eight kids now but at the time with only a few kids we were exhausted! Doing cookies, decorations, Christmas trees, parties, white elephant gifts and more! It’s exhausting. 
• A half-lie is a full lie. If you lie to your kids about Santa and then they find out he doesn’t exist you could potentially be compromising the trust you have with your children and then when you try to teach them to have faith in God what do you suspect your kids will do?
• Kids are very black and white and they will believe what you tell them but that trust can be easily broken!
• Matthew 5:37 says “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
• Matthew 18:6 says “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”
• We tell our kids not to talk about Santa with other children because if a child finds out the truth from their friends then their trust in their parents can be diminished. We tell our children that it is their parents’ decision when they tell them the truth and not their place to spill the beans. 
• After we felt convicted of lying to our children we told them the truth and apologized. We also explained to them that it can be easy to do what the rest of the culture is doing but a lot of the time God doesn’t want you to do the things everyone else is doing. And we equipped them and shared scripture on renewing our minds and not being transformed by the world. 
• Exodus 20:3-4 says “You shall have no other gods before Me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.”
• This is an important verse to share with your children because we could potentially be accidentally allowing idols to pop up in our life without recognizing it. Sadly some Christmas traditions have become idols for families so if that is something you might have grown up with when you were a child then you need to evaluate if that is a legacy you want to continue in your family! 
• We do stockings, trees, and presents but we make sure that they do not become idols.
• Now let’s talk about media for a bit. A question that you probably have is whether we let our kids watch movies with Santa depicted in it. For us, we’ve been careful about what we let our children watch and things have changed over the years. We grew up watching certain things and remember thinking they were okay and so we would watch the movies we grew up watching with our children but after watching them again we realized how we were so blind as children and didn’t realize how awful most of the shows were! So we have a list of things that our children are not allowed to watch but yes, we do allow our kids to watch movies with Santa in them because they know the truth! They know that Santa is nothing more than a fictional character. 

2. Make Christmas About Christ

• The first thing you have to do is test your children’s hearts about Christmas. You do this by asking questions such as “when you think about Christmas what is the first thing that comes to your mind?” “What is the meaning of Christmas?” “What is your favorite part of Christmas?” these are questions you should be asking your children every year!
• Here’s the challenge. Before you teach your kids about Christmas ask them those questions so that you can get an accurate answer. As parents, we naturally want the correct answers from our children but if you teach about it and then ask them right after you’ve talked about it you probably won’t ever know where they truly stand or where they stood before they were educated.
• Of course, we need to focus on the birth of Christ that is what Christmas is about but if they don’t understand the gospel, if they don’t understand what Jesus was sent to do then your children won’t understand why the birth of Jesus was important and why we celebrate it at all?
• Christmas is a crazy season and everyone around you is constantly talking about parties gifts and worldly things which can make it far to easy to create idols and lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas which is why it is important to be in the word and constantly reminding your children of the true meaning. One thing we have done over the years is an advent calendar, these will help you stay on track and focused on the birth of Christ. Every day you read a piece of scripture about the birth of christ and discuss it with your kids!

WEEKLY TIP AND THE FREE DATE NIGHT ONE SHEET!

3. Traditions

• We do a tree just because of its a great tradition! It’s beautiful it brings a great smell into the house, it’s nostalgic and for us its not an idol we would be fine if we didn’t do a tree our perspective on Christmas trees is similar to our perspective on pumpkins. Satan didn’t create pumpkins, and satan didn’t create trees because he does not have the power to create anything! God created trees, and for us, we like having a tree! Every year after Christmas we take our tree and one of our boys will turn it into a resurrection cross for easter! And for us, that is kind of why we like to have a tree because it brings both the resurrection and the birth of Christ into the picture!
• We also do presents and gifts under the tree! We do our best to instill a spirit of thankfulness in our children and make sure that they are not making gifts an idol but at the end of the day who doesn’t love giving gifts? It’s fun and exciting and it brings us together as a family. And we don’t do gifts in the spirit of Christmas or st nick but the spirit if christ and how he gave us the ultimate gift by coming into the world and giving himself for us! So when we are giving gifts it’s in the name of Jesus and God the Father who gives good gifts to his children! So why wouldn’t you want to give a gift to your child? We are the image-bearers of God the father to our children and if God is a father who loves to give gifts to his children then why shouldn’t we want to give gifts to our children? 
• We also do stockings and stockings kind of fall into the same category of gifts but with stockings, they are just fun! We usually put some candy or maybe some movie tickets in them so that we can all go see a movie together! 
• Every year we try to have at least one or two intentional activities where we show generosity! Whether it be taking sleeping bags to the union gospel mission, buying gifts for children in poverty, operation Christmas child or something of the sort. 
• This time of year another tradition that we do is reflecting on the past year and the goals and commitments we made, see where we succeeded and where we fell through and then we set new goals and commitments! 

4. Parental Peer Pressure

• During the holidays it’s easy to be a man-pleaser and it can be easy to be scared of making changes especially if you’ve been doing something for a long time. Like if you’ve done Santa clause and your parents are involved and you have traditions set around it. Of course, we want to be respectful of other people and their views but at the same time, we must be the authority over our kids! 
• If you are having a hard time instilling Christ and the true meaning of Christmas in the atmosphere o Christmas eve and such because you are feeling pressure to be at everybody’s parties and spending equal time with people you care about then you really need to take a step back and go ok what is going to be the most fruitful thing for my family? And then you might have to prune some things. 
• These things can be hard to do but we encourage you to talk with your spouse about it and get in alignment with things and what your family is going to do for Christmas. You need to be living biblically and you need to have these conversations with your kids and then once you have found your convictions you need to live them out. 
• We must understand where our kid’s hearts are at and if they are more focused on presents, traditions, people, friends or are they focused on what matters which is Jesus Christ?

Have a wonderful Christmas! We hope this episode was helpful

See you next time!

Scripture In This Episode:

Matthew 5:37 – “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”

Matthew 18:6 – “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”

Exodus 20:3-4 – “You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Today’s episode is on five ways your marriage might be a bad example for your kids. We are going to give very practical tips and scriptures that will help you navigate what a biblical marriage should look like!

Romans 12:2 says “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

This is a signature verse. We have shared it many times and we are sharing it again because it is one of the verses that Courageous Parenting is anchored on.

It takes renewing of our minds to receive the biblical truth, apply it to our lives and not just be like the rest of the culture!

This renewing of our minds doesn’t just happen one time. It takes a constant flow of biblical truth so that our minds can continue to be renewed and not just fall back to our fleshly ways.

The race of being faithful to God isn’t over as long as we still live on earth and to run the race well we need to be continuously in the word, talking to God and walking with brothers and sisters in Christ.

So let’s dive in!

5 Ways Your Marriage Might be a Bad Example for Your Kids

1. Taking Credit

2. Apologizing

3. Communication

4. Gossip

5. Friendship

 1. Taking Credit

• God hears all prayers. God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is no, sometimes it’s yes but not right now, and sometimes He answers our prayers in the way we want him to. Don’t you think God is more likely to say yes to you when you are doing it to build His kingdom? God will only grant us things when it’s in His will, and if you are asking God for something but the purpose of your request is to just make you happy or to build your own kingdom God is most likely not going to give you what you want! 
• When He answers your prayer and gives you what you asked for but you take credit for it instead of giving Him the glory don’t you think He might be a little upset? God is a jealous God and He wants to be glorified!
• A question that is very important to ask ourselves on a regular basis is “Can God trust me?” because if you are taking credit for things that He is doing in your life or through you then the reality is that He might not be able to trust you and if He can’t trust you then why would He ever give you what you want? God needs to be able to trust us to give Him glory. 
• Now, you may be wondering how this plays into parenting, well, first of all, kids see everything and let us just say, for example, you make an amazing business decision that ends up being very profitable, do you want your kids to say “Oh, wow! Mom or Dad, you are very wise!” or do you want them to say, “Wow! Mom or Dad, it’s so cool that God trusts you with this amazing blessing. You asked in faith and He answered you!”  
•  What about plagiarism? It’s the same thing! Do we take wisdom from the Bible, change a few words and then say it’s our wisdom? Do we read a book and then rewrite the same thing only in different words, taking the credit from the person who deserves it? 
• In everything we do, we should be pointing back to God, and when our children see us doing that, they catch onto the vision that life is not about building our own kingdoms, but it’s about giving God credit because He is the author and creator of everything!
• While it is most important that we don’t take credit away from God it is also very important that we don’t do it to each other. An example of this may be taking someone’s idea and speaking of it like it’s your own idea. If you can’t respect other people and give them credit when they deserve it then how do you expect to be able to give God credit? If you arent giving God credit then how can you expect your kids to?
• Romans 13:7 says “Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.”

2. Apologizing

• We must apologize. How often do your kids see you and your spouse apologizing? If your children have a hard time apologizing to each other or other people maybe its because they are not seeing it lived out in your marriage and they don’t have an example set before them. You are the ultimate example to your kids and they will mimic everything you do. Do your kids see you being humble to your spouse and admitting when you are wrong? It is also important to apologize to your kids when you wrong them. 
• Proverbs 20:7 says “The righteous man walks in his integrity;
• His children are blessed after him.”
• Hebrews 12:14-15 says “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;”
• A root of bitterness can destroy you and the conflicting relationship, which is why it is so vital that we apologize, lead by example, and do not expect anything in return. Is there any bitterness in your marriage? If you have bitterness in your marriage you could be hurting your children! 

3. Communication

• Communication is a big deal and there are few aspects to it, true communication includes both talking and listening. 
• It is important to study our spouses and understand them so that we can make them feel treasured and loved, everyone is different and what makes you feel loved may not be the thing that makes your spouse feel loved. 
• Communication is key and your kids must witness communication in your marriage because like everything else you do it sets an example for them and it shows them that you love each other and desire to talk to each other! 
• It’s okay to go out on dates alone or discuss things in a private room, in fact, it is necessary sometimes, but if your children never witness communication and the love you have for each other it could be tragic for your family!
• If you want your kids to be slow to speak, quick to listen, then you need to do the same and set an example of it for them in your marriage and how you interact with other people. 
• It is also important to assume virtue in each other. And that means not assuming what someone is about to say, more importantly, not assuming that they are going to say something negative. Assuming virtue is assuming the best of a person. 
• Romans 12:10 says “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”
• Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

4. Gossip

• Here’s the question, in your marriage do you talk about other people in front of your kids? 
• A lot of people will justify that they are venting to their spouse because they are one and they need to have the same mindset and they need each other’s wisdom. Now, sometimes it is appropriate to discuss such things with your spouse but none of it, unless it is super positive should be talked about in front of your kids. 
• Of course, sometimes you do need wisdom when you are dealing with something like a tear in a relationship, in fact, the bible says to seek wise counsel, however, are you doing it in a way that it may be tainting your spouses view of a certain individual, can they handle that, and again, don’t do it in front of your kids!
• James 1:26 says “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.”
• We’ve got to make sure that what is coming out of our mouths is pure, good, and wholesome. Our kids follow our example, do we want our children gossiping about other people, or gossiping about their friends, or each other? 

WEEKLY TIP AND THE FREE DATE NIGHT ONE SHEET!

5. Friendship 

• One of the areas that your marriage might be a bad example for your kids is friendship. Are you and your spouse friends? Do you and your spouse enjoy communicating with each other, do you enjoy spending time together and doing things together? 
• Do you treat your spouse the same or even better than you treat your closest friends? We should model friendship with our marriages, and model what we want our kid’s future marriages to look like. 
• Here’s the big question. Can you look at your kids and say “follow our example?” dads, can you say to your sons “follow my lead, this is how you be a great husband.” and mothers, can you look at your daughters and say “follow my lead, this is how to be a great wife.” 
• If this is convicting, guess what conviction is good for, conviction is good for change and growth. 
• This is courageous parenting, thanks for joining us, see you next time!

Scripture In This Episode:

Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Romans 13:7 – “Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.”

Proverbs 20:7 – “The righteous man walks in his integrity;
His children are blessed after him.”

Hebrews 12:14-15 – “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:  looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;”

Romans 12:10 – “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

James 1:26 – “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

A lot of our episodes are very hard-hitting on a topic so we thought that we would do an episode that is practical and encouraging! 

Today’s episode is about not growing weary in doing good.

The truth is that parenting can be wearisome and exhausting and we have experienced this ourselves but life can also affect you and make you feel weary. 

Today we wanted to encourage you to keep on keeping on with courageous parenting because the reality is that parenting is exhausting but when you are parenting against the tide of culture and you are doing things biblically it can be even more wearisome. 

Not only will your decisions as a courageous parent contradict the culture but sometimes being a courageous biblical parent will even go against the tide of the Christian community and people at your church. And that is when it gets the hardest because you can begin to feel alone and people may call you extreme but if you are being extreme for Jesus then praise God!

We have felt these things many times in the past and it is important to understand why you are going against the tide because if you are doing it for the wrong reasons it can be very destructive and could mean that maybe you have a little bit of pride. 

If there are two choices and one is good and one is great for the benefit of your kids but the great one is much harder what should we do? Take the harder path, and this can be very, very difficult to do if you don’t have people by your side who trust you and support you. 

So, in this episode, we are going to share with you some of our hardest and weary times as parents and how we have encouraged each other to keep going in the past. We hope that this will be encouraging and fruitful for you and your journey as parents!

Sometimes people will say to us “wow, eight kids, that is so beyond what we have ever thought of or what God is doing in our family that it’s not as relevant to us” and guess what, we thought the same thing about big families many years ago! We never thought we would have this many kids but are so beyond grateful that God has blessed us with each one of them. We believe wholeheartedly that God has a different plan for each family and whether you have one child or twenty this episode is very relevant to you! 

Maybe you have two kids and you are feeling weary, guess what, we have felt that too! Maybe you have three, four or six kids and are feeling weary, we have felt what you are feeling and that is why we have felt called to discuss this topic. 

God’s word is relevant to all of us regardless of how many kids we have. The legacy you are leaving has less to do with how many kids you have and more to do with how you are disciplining the kids you do have. 

1We shouldn’t just have a bunch of kids just to have a bunch of kids. We need to be aware of the responsibility God has given us and be purposeful with it whatever the responsibility may be. 

So let’s jump into it!

Don’t Grow Weary in Doing Good

1. Challenging but Fruitful

2. What’s the Purpose?

3. How to Have Endurance

 1. Challenging but Fruitful

• Galatians 6:6-9 says “Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
• So, parenting is an incredibly good thing in God’s eyes. And guess what, we are parenting his children! And we have a responsibility to raise the next generations to know and love God their father. 
• Often the more fruitful you are the more you have gone through challenges. Growth happens in the valley when life is hard and unforgiving. 
• We have a jealous God who wants our devotion and our attention. If we are glorifying God in the challenges and earnestly seeking him when things are hard and then when things are good and easy we don’t give him as much attention don’t you think that God will want to give us more challenges? 
• John 15:1-4 says “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.”
• John 15:11 says “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”
• Pruning is necessary for the best fruit. It is important to ask ourselves what things we need to cut out of our lives or sacrifice to put more energy towards the more important things like raising our kids. What do you have in your life that is distracting you and making you feel like you can’t make the great decisions instead of the good decisions or less than good decisions? 
• God tells us in john that apart from him we can do nothing. So, it’s important to ask ourselves if we are trying to bear fruit apart from God because if we are then we need to change and recognize that without him we can do nothing. 
• When we have fruit often we want more fruit which is a good desire! We should always desire for our children to be more obedient more loving and grow more in their relationships with God but often when we press forwards for more fruit it gets challenging and most people run away from challenges and don’t end up reaping the reward. When we understand this and recognize that when we press forward for more fruit that there will be challenges ahead of our mindset changes and we are more capable of walking through the challenges that will come. 
• The more challenges we go through the more our capacity grows and the more it grows the more challenging tests become but the fruit that comes from them will be even greater. 
• God doesn’t give us challenges for no reason, he gives them to us so that we can grow, which is why it is so vital that we ask ourselves why we are going through a hard time so that we can learn the lesson that God has for us and not have to go through the same trial again!
• Isaiah 40:11 says “He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.”

2. What’s the Purpose?

• The purpose is to glorify God in our marriage, in our parenting and ultimately in every area of our lives.
• It is important to know our why because when things are challenging if you can’t remember why you are doing what you are doing then you will most likely end up settling for good or less than good. 
• We do not expect everyone to do things the way we do them, for example, if you decide to stop homeschooling that’s not giving up or quitting. We just want to encourage you to ask yourself why you are making such a decision, because the why is what matters. 
• James 1:12 says “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
• James 1:2-6 says “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” 
• This is our why. We are tested so that we may be made perfect and complete. Trials are given to us to refine us and to strengthen us.

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3. How to Have Endurance

• You need to have a gameplan for when you are weary because parenting is a long game. You need to invest in your marriage so that when things are hard your marriage is strong enough to stand against any trial that might come your way. 
• Yes, the men should be the spiritual leaders but that does not take away from the importance of the wife leading the kids or cherishing her husband. If you feel loved and cherished when your husband pursues yo then he feels the same way when you pursue him. 
• You need to communicate to your spouse the things that make you feel cherished and the areas that he or she may be lacking because the reality is that your spouse is probably wired differently and the only way to be able to understand each other ids to communicate. 
• Philippians 3:12-14 says “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
• When all your kids are under seven it can be daunting but you must remember that if you parent well when they are young eventually your kids will rise to the occasion and become your helpers. 
• Philippians 4:6 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
• We are not called to be fearful and we should all stand against fear-based parenting. If you struggle with anxiety then bring it before the Lord just as Philippians 4:6 says and his peace will come upon you if you have faith. 
• Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
• If you go through life alone without fellowship and God you are very limited on what you can do to create fruitfulness. No one can run the race alone. 

Scripture In This Episode:

Galatians 6:6-9 – “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

John 15:1-4 – “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.”

John 15:11 – “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”

Isaiah 40:11 – “He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.”

James 1:12 – “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”

James 1:2-6 – “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.”

Philippians 3:12-14 – “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

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