Scripture In This Episode:

Hebrews 12:1-3 – “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.”

Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show with parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children.

Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in.

Welcome back to the podcast.

Hey, everybody, so we are in Idaho now, you probably know that because you listened to our relocation podcast, I’m sure, and why. But if the audio is a little strange or different or anything different, it’s simply because we’re in a new studio.

That’s right. Well, kind of. We’re in our bedroom. And Isaac worked so hard at putting together our set here so that we could continue filming the podcast while our new studio is under construction. Yes, well, it hasn’t started, but at some point you start being under we do have if you guys have been watching on Instagram, we’ve kind of given you a couple little glimpses of the cute little house that’s on the prairie. In a sense, it’s a one room building. A one room building. Yeah. And it’s not finished. So that’s why I said it was under construction, because it looked like it was in the midst of construction. Some results. Yeah. But we have a lot of work to do on that before we can actually move out there and be using that for what we’re looking for.

It’s such a blessing. It’s such a cool little building and that’ll be headquarters for office expansion. So in other ministries. So anyways, we’re we’re super excited to be back with you. Maybe we’ll do an episode on the move and how to move a large family or something like that. I’m sure that would be interesting that but that’s not what this is about. This is about faith activated obedience and end times.

Right.

And so if you guys have been listening for any amount of time, we have been we’ve we’ve shared many scriptures and we’ll touch on some of them today, actually, that where Jesus talks about the end of days. Right. And we’ve even talked about some of those scriptures in regards to pregnancy. Yeah. And, you know, in different things like that. And so because God’s word does relate pregnancy and birthing a baby to end times. Right. Birthing pains and different things like that. And it’s very, very interesting. It’s something that’s always intrigued me. And I know that as a family, we’ve been going through revelations. Yeah. For a while. So we’re going to share some of that.

And part of the reason it takes us a while to go through revelations because we take pauses and go back to like the gospels or, you know. Yeah, the epistles and things like that. And then we go back to revelations. But it’s kind of sweet in that way, too, because they share about each other.

Yeah, that’s right. Especially when we’re looking up Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah. And then we’re reading those and then we’re reading how those connect to the end times as well.

So so this is inspired by morning devotions and family time together. This morning I was going through revelations and then Angie picked up on this one scripture that we’re going to share with you guys in a little bit, which is part of this. But it’s also about how, you know, we have seen God working in our lives and how we see Scripture telling people how to operate in these times.

That’s right. So, yeah.

So if you’ve experienced at all just feeling persecution or struggling where you can tell that you’re being tempted by the devil or if you’ve experienced just an increase or if you’ve noticed an increase of evil growing in the world, then I think you’ll be really encouraged by today’s message, because God’s word has some encouragements for us and how we should be operating.

And in regards to those things, and if you’re a single parent raising your kids, we love you and we’ll be praying for you. That is so difficult. And for you married couples out there, this will help you to superimportant. So now I first want to think some people are very, very important people. One of the hardest things in my past to do is to ask for help. Hmm. That’s been really a challenge for me and know I’ll just do it. I’ll figure it out. I’ll work extra hard. Used to be a mentality of mine. And while I still believe in working really hard, I see not only the blessing to me and my family when we receive help, but the blessing on others. And just like when we or I help others, I feel that blessing too. And I think, you know, God made us not have it all together on purpose, meaning that everybody has different strengths and weaknesses. And so we need each other to actually accomplish things in a greater way. And so I’ve always believed that in a business teamwork sense, but getting help in my personal life has always been challenging. And so this has to do with what I’m about to say, which is we got so much help and we’ve been receiving so much help in moving our friends and church family back home packed us up. Yeah. And helped us move. Unbelievable.

They really did. They even went around the house and repaired things in the house that we were renting before that weren’t repaired before we moved in, you know, I mean, the house looked better than when we got there.

So that was also, well, a blessing. And then when we got here, there was two families here helping us unpack one of which I don’t remember meeting, I think maybe you met in passed, but didn’t know super well and were excited to get to know them more, but and then we’ve had meals coming for the like first 10 days we’re here.

I think. I actually think so. There were quite a few different people representing many different churches, actually. I think there were four or five churches that were all represented. I couldn’t believe it if we were to put it that way. Yeah. People who just have all walks of life. Right. Have listened to the podcast or gone to the parenting program or people that maybe we knew many, many years ago, which is in the case of one of the families. Yeah. And to for them to offer to come and help us unload the trailers, unpack boxes, bringing meals, some days we even have like three different families coming in and out of our house within one day.

You know, so it’s been very busy. So great to meet people.

So it’s been very busy, but in a good kind of way. And I think that that this is it’s been the first time I’ve actually moved like that. Yeah. To a different state where you don’t know anyone, but then you do know people.

Yeah. One aspect that wasn’t in the relocation podcast that I want to bring up, I don’t think it was in there. I just share this with our kids this morning or yesterday, Sunday when we did church service at home, just our family. As I said, we didn’t decide to move exactly where we live in our house. God decided to move us to this exact location. Yeah, and there’s a reason for that. We’ll share that at some point. But it’s really, really fascinating and it’s just amazing to see God working now after this episode, too. Also, you want to mention about the Halloween podcast. Really?

Yeah. So you guys, I know that this podcast is going to be up, you know, indefinitely. So you might be listening to this in a different month other than October. But right now we are currently recording and it’s in October. And so I just wanted to bring up some of the resources that we have at CourageousParenting.com And on CourageousMom.com, that are for people who might be struggling with how to handle the whole October 31st Halloween, All Saints Day Reformation Day paradox or issue. Right. And I am calling it that because a lot of people have a lot of different opinions about it. I remember when we were first parents, we didn’t really know how to navigate that right. Like there were things you did growing up. There were things I did growing up. Then there was the things that were happening at the church that we went to. And but we still struggled with this question, should Christians celebrate Halloween? So we did do a podcast on that last season, the very first season. I think it’s episode thirty nine. I really highly recommend that you go and check that out at CourageousParenting.com Episode 39 in season one. We have all of our other resources listed in that article on CourageousParenting.com.

Yeah. And we get questions so you can say now are you going to start a home church? And so real quick we’ll handle that. We don’t know. You know, I used to be such a I’ve always been a dreamer. Visionary energy is to and but I used to make all kinds of goals, financial and, you know, house and spiritual and all these different things. Right. And what I learned is sometimes you have to get punched a few times in the face and knocked out before you fully surrender to God’s will and let him do some of your planning. And we do need to make plans and so forth. But I really get humbled heavily several years ago, and I pray that I continue in humility, that’s all. I think everybody struggles with the pride thing. Right? Right. That’s the moment you don’t think you struggle with pride is the moment it’s going to creep up on you and you’re going to become prideful. And so I really pay attention to that because I’ve had moments, long moments, not moments, long periods of time where I had some pride in my life. And and I just think that we’re not making plans for that right now. What we do have plans for is whatever God wants us to do.

Yeah. So right now, our plan as of right now is we are in a massive season of transition. We’ll share a little bit more about that in a sec.

But we are trying to really embrace the season of change that God has us in and hear his voice, which means we need to really be quiet and be still and kind of turn off all of the voices that are outside that all have an agenda for our life. They all have a will for, Isaac and Angie and the Tolpin family. Right. Everybody has a will for them. And we need to shut those voices off to just seek God alone quietly and hear where he wants us to be, if he wants us to be a part of a local church. Yeah. Or if he does want to move us towards planning another home church. We’re open to that. We’re open to whatever God has for us. But we are not ambitiously striving to do anything right now. We just really. Feel like God has this in a season where we need a rest in him, we need to be filled up. Yeah, and we need to be as a family. And really, I’m excited to visit the churches day to this area. Absolutely. To see what God’s doing in his body everywhere.

What do you make opportunity to see what the spirit’s doing in the area you live? And so we’ll probably go several times to a church and then go to another church for a little while. And I think that’s OK sometimes to you know, when you move to a new area to really see what God’s doing, it’s your opportunity to do that. And, hey, you never know. Maybe we’ll get just caught up and go, wow, God wants us here. Yeah, we’re going to be in the traditional church building or something like that. And we it’s all versions as long as Christ’s preached. That’s right. This is God’s church. So so we’re open to that. And also talking about change and transitions. A lot of change in her. That’s right. Life is.

Hey, guys, guess what? I’m pregnant. So there’s that.

I don’t think we’ve ever announced it that way. There you go.

So we’re also in this season where I’ll just share briefly, like I’m I’m I’m pretty nauseous. Yeah. Most of the day. Most of the night. And I’ve been very tired. I’ve been doing pretty good through the move.

Yeah. We found out literally days before we moved. Yeah. Announced it to our church and our and our family over the course of the next week or so. And we are excited. Yeah. But I that’s another aspect for not like jumping in and doing too much, not taking too much on.

I think this is a season where I get to be challenged in exercising the no muscle because I have a hard time saying no.

I’m very much we had a I was part of our meeting this morning is how you struggle with that and how we need to proactively help.

Yeah, so just taking it a little bit slower, adjusting my expectations of myself and of how unpacking goes, how of getting the house set up for hospitality goes has to be adjusted. And that’s OK. But I, you know, I say it’s OK, but like deep down in my heart I still struggle with that off and on.

So now there’s different people listening. Some of you are like, that’s fantastic. Your ninth child of your eleventh pregnancy. That’s right. And in some of your like another one. How old are you guys? I know there’s all that stuff and there’s all in between. And how old are you? I’m 41 and I’m 44. Almost 45. Yeah, you’ll be forty five. And I love getting older so you know.

Yeah. I mean I’ll be sixty one and Isaac will be sixty four. Sixty five when the baby is twenty.

So we’ve got to keep healthy. So hey we by the way just put this out there. We absolutely believe God has a unique plan for every family and not everybody’s family is going to look the same. And so we we’re not the kind of people to go. Well, everybody should just have as many kids they can. Not at all. We believe everybody should be focused on God in this area and what he’s prompting them to do.

And they need to make decisions in alignment with their spouse. That’s really, really important. And so, like for Isaac and I, there have been seasons where he was wanting more kids and I wasn’t. And there were seasons where I was wanting more kids and he wasn’t.

And so we’ve always prayerfully treaded carefully during those seasons. Yeah. Having patience and long suffering with one another for one another, discussing those things. And if you want encouragement in this, we have done some podcasts on that as well. You can go look those up in season one.

And obviously, since Angie’s carrying the baby, she always had to be in agreement that that because there’s a lot more effort on your side.

So that’s right. You take really good care of me, too. Oh, I’m glad to hear that. So. Well, hey, it’s been a while. Let’s we had a lot to catch up on. I hope you’re still with us, but show notes everything’s at CourageousParenting.com.

Norcom plus the podcast episodes we referenced will be there in the show notes and anything else. There’s a lot of free stuff to a CourageousParenting.com. And then there’s like the homeschool blueprint, the postpartum course. You can link out to Craig’s mom, Dotcom. And then there’s also the parent mentor program, which is which is cool. So we have a few points here and we’re going to dive in. You’re going to love this. So let’s get right.

So let’s talk about this. Do you make decisions based upon your strengths or the Lord’s strength? It’s a really intense question. You can explain it a little bit.

Yeah, I think that we’re all doing a mix of this one way or the other in out of balance and then get back in balance with this. I think it’s this tug. And because we have our will and what we want to do and and then we get caught up in doing it in our own strength. And a lot of times what happens is we realize we can’t. And that’s sometimes when we’re like, OK, we pray to God and then God. Helps us, and it’s this ebb and flow, but wouldn’t it be beautiful if we were operating in a way where we were making decisions based on God going before us and helping us? What would the decisions how would they look differently? Well, let’s say what is your capabilities without God?

Right. So, OK, when you say capabilities, one of the first things that comes to my mind is asking the question like, OK, so do I make decisions on like if I’m going to like if I feel like God is calling me to do something or I feel this nudge to, I don’t know, volunteer for ministry in the church, I’ll just use that as an example.

It could be anything but let’s just say, God, I feel this nudge to go into a specific ministry and serve or maybe I decide to change trajectory and I want to homeschool my kids or whatever it is, it could be multiple different kinds of decisions.

Do I make the decision based upon looking at my giftedness and the things that I know about myself, like, oh, what? I’m good at administration. I’m good with time management, I’m good at this. So I could do I could do A and B or do I go on bad at time management? I’m really bad at being organized and I don’t have patience to sit and work with kids, so I can’t do that. So do you see how I could be potentially making pros and cons. Right, or making my decision based upon solely looking at the things that I know that I’m either good at or not good at? Yeah. And now this is why this is so dangerous. You guys see how I’m making a decision based upon my own strengths and your weaknesses, your interpretation of your own strengths.

Exactly. And that’s what’s so bad, because most people are their own worst critic. I know that I’m my own worst critic. And so it’s it’s easy for me to just think about how I’m not good at all these things, whereas, like, someone else might go, are you kidding? I think you are really good at that. And so I think that it’s really important. Isaac and I just wanted to call this out. Are you making your decisions based upon your.

Evaluation of your own strengths, whether that’s things you’re good at, gifts, your talents, your resources, or are you making your decisions on what you’re going to do based upon simply what you feel? The prompting by the Holy Spirit calling you to do interest, trusting in faith that God is going to show up.

He’s going to fill the gaps, he’s going to be strong where you’re weak so that he can be glorified.

And maybe this has to do with your decisions about where you go to church or planting a church, or maybe this has to do with where you live or don’t live. And maybe that’s to do with how you educate your kids or who’s educating them. Maybe this has to do with, you know, how money gets made in the family and things like that. See if we only operate. Let’s take it to your kids real quick, because maybe you care even more about your kids than yourself real quick.

So do you want your kids to only take action when they believe in their own strength they’re capable? Or do you want your kids to have a faith that they can do things outside of their strength and they’re counting on God to show up and they break out of their comfort zone and try new things and stretch and trust God will help them do things.

What kind of which way do you want your kids to be?

Right. So you have to model what you want your kids to be. So if you’re constantly scared and not trying new things and not stepping out in faith and how I mean, I just don’t see how our kids are going to necessarily have the gumption to do that themselves. I mean, some people are more wired, more risk taking, and it might be more of a risk taking thing to do.

Right. But the reality is, is that the Bible talks about this. The Bible talks about obedience to God’s word. And there are many things that we are called to as Christians that are they’re not a matter of doing them in order to be saved. We’re not talking about salvation in this podcast at all. Know what we’re talking about is when you love God, you want to fulfill the purpose for why you were created.

Right. You want to obey him because you love him. So when you when you read the word and you’re like, oh, the great commission, that’s something I’m called to that something you’re called to. That’s something our kids are called to. That’s something like everybody is called to this great commission. Right. Who believes in the Lord. And so we can know that that’s something that we we should be proactively pursuing to be a part of the great commission somehow. Yeah, right.

And so depending on what season of life you’re in, maybe it’s being a mom and being at home with your kids. Maybe if you’re a grandma, it’s been more intentional with your grandkids, but it’s also being the grandma to the next door neighbor kids or to some of the families that are in your church where they don’t have a godly legacy.

And these young moms need mentoring. Right.

Like, what is it that you could be doing to be proactive, proactively activated in the efforts of the great commission? Because we get to partner with God in bringing forth life both in a physical sense, knowing when we give birth. Right, we have kids.

But there’s also this element of being able to partner with him in bringing forth life when we are disciple making and evangelizing and people are learning about Jesus and finding new life in him and getting an eternal salvation like that is bringing forth life.

And that’s breaking out of our comfort zone sometimes. Sometimes you’re like, I don’t know what to say. I feel prompted to talk to this person when I run into another grocery store, this person work or whatever it is, but I don’t do it. Why do you not do it? It’s because you might be making a decision based on your own strength. Don’t you think God will show up when you’re obedient in faith to do something like proclaiming him to somebody else, which is something we’re all encouraged to do, we’re all called to do.

And so, you know, you may think, well, I’m not as eloquent with my words. Well, we’re going to talk about that in a second, because the reality is, is your actions can actually speak louder than words. And obviously, if you are preaching something, you want to be living it as well. Right. You want your life to be a greater testimony, a more bold testimony of living a life that’s following after Christ and loving people as he did. Yeah, because otherwise you’re a hypocrite and people are not going to come to know Christ if you’re not right.

And so maybe your life speaks more volumes in what you do. But this is this is the same question, though. Do you make decisions on what you’re going to do based upon your weeks and your strengths? Right. Your weaknesses or your strengths or God’s strength?

Because God wants to be glorified and the things we do. So let me ask you a question. How is God glorified if we only do things we believe we’re capable of and we do in our own strength? How can God be glorified in that.

I mean, we can give honor and glory to the Lord for sure, yeah, we praise him. We thank him for making us capable, for giving us the resources to do things. And I’m sure you guys do that.

But I think what what Isaac is pointing out on a really deeper level is when we are willing to step out on faith and do something that maybe we’re not comfortable doing.

Yeah. And God shows up. It is so completely obvious that we did not do it that we literally can’t take credit for something that the Holy Spirit just did and that that, my friends, is really powerful. That is a testimony that people cannot deny. Amen. You can’t deny there’s no temptation to take credit for something that, you know, God is 100 percent in and doing. Yeah. And that is where we want to be.

Amen. And so you want your kids to be witnessing that as they’re growing up. Part of equipping confident Christian kids in an uncertain world is preparing them by them stepping out in faith in what they do versus just the security of what they know they can do.

Yeah, so true, because as time goes on, things are going to get harder and harder. I think we’ve seen a lot of that in 2020. Yeah, I think that.

How about just if somebody how about just saying your opinion about who you’re going to vote for? Let’s just go there for a second. Mom, are you. Is that such an uncomfortable thing. Right. Or how about how about sharing the honest truth with a friend.

Mm hmm. How about sharing your testimony about how broken you were before you got saved and how God has redeemed you and where you’re at today. Is that testimony a scary thing for you to share with people, even one on one? I’m not saying about having to get up on a stage and say it or get on a podcast and say, I’m talking about like with your family. If you are a Bible believing Christian and you have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit transforming your life and you come from a lost family, you’ve never shared your testimony before. Why why haven’t you shared your testimony?

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. She is a beautiful document you can download that Will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, at CourageousParenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. What Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation.

So the moment of decision. So, you know, those moments, it’s like you’re eating out and you’re giving a tip. So you have a moment of decision, don’t you? Don’t you know, always. I learned this from Jim Rohn. Actually, he longed to ease is passed away a long time, but he is a motivational speaker. A long time ago, in my early days, I used to listen to him, but he always talked about in the moment, you think of the tip you’re going to give, you always think it too. Amounts always give the bigger amount. That’s always stuck with me. Also, when I was growing up, my mom was a waitress, so she worked really hard. Yeah. So I always like to do that. But think of the the bigger one.

Is the bigger one harder to give sometimes, especially when you’re writing a check for eggs. Its harder than that means that there’s actually an element of greed in your heart. Yeah. You’re not really viewing what you have as gods but yours and that you don’t want to give it up for another whole another good topic.

But I think in the moment of decision when you have two choices. This happens all over the place because how do you know which one to pick? Well, which one is better? Which one is more godly, which one has the potential for greater fruit? Which one is better for you and your family? Which one is better for others, but maybe not better for you? Mm hmm. OK, so which one is standing for truth versus standing for your safety. Hmm. OK, there’s lots of ways this can go. And then why do you not do the harder path, even though it’s better.

It’s because of. Fear, it’s because we aren’t accustomed maybe to operating outside of our own strength, maybe that’s a test for you and you should test yourself.

Am I accustomed to operating outside of my own strength and trust in God and making a better choice?

Like, are there powerful stories that you can pass down and tell your kids that are faith journey stories where you’re like, wow, God showed up and did this huge thing? And if there aren’t, then maybe it’s that you’re not really trusting him enough to show himself in that way because he wants to he wants to be invited into every compartment of our lives.

I said compartment because this is something that’s been a real deep heart passion of mine from for a long time, this idea of people compartmentalizing Jesus and God into certain quadrants of their life.

Right. And and it’s important that we don’t compartmentalize Jesus, that we don’t compartmentalize what we believe and that our faith and our convictions actually invade every area of our life.

It shouldn’t be the other way around our world view shouldn’t invade our faith. Our faith should invade our world, view him out. And so I could go on and on and on about this. But we want to get to a point to which we’re going to actually share about the passage of scripture, part of the passage of scripture that we are studying with our kids, because it’s very encouraging in regards to three things that we can do to overcome the enemy, because there is an enemy and we will proclaim that there is an enemy.

I know that there is a lot of false teaching, false doctrine out there that that doesn’t declare that sin exists. There is false teaching that doesn’t declare that the devil is real, that there’s an enemy and his name is Satan.

And so we’re just going to read from the Bible because the Bible tells us the truth right before you start somewhere like you read that to your was your whole family. There are just the older kids and they’re all here. Read I read through starting Revelations 12, that’s where. And it talks about the woman in the dragon. The dragon is the devil.

Satan even says the two names for Satan is the devil and Satan. And then we’re talking about one Satan’s thrown out of heaven.

Right. So we we discussed this at length with our kids today. But you have to decide at what age is appropriate for your kids.

But because of what we’ve done for so long, the whole Bible is safe to teach our kids.

Yeah, yeah. We don’t eliminate portions of scripture. We just are very tender about certain things that we talk about. Yeah.

So let’s just start reading on verse nine, OK?

This is a I’m going to read verse nine through 12 says so the great dragon was cast out that serpent of old called the Devil and Satan who deceives the whole world. He was cast to the earth and his angels were cast out with him. Then I heard a loud voice saying, in heaven now salvation and strength and the kingdom of our God and the power of his Christ have come for the accuser of our brethren who accused them before our God. Day and night has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives to death. Therefore, rejoice. Oh heavens. And you who dwell in them. Woe to the inhabitants of the Earth and see for the devil has come down to you having great wrath because he knows that he has a short time.

So they overcame the enemy by the blood of the lamb, by Jesus dying on the cross right and by the word of their testimony. And they did not. Here’s the big point. They did not love their lives to the death. Wow.

So there’s three points right there. Now, there are probably others in scripture, too, but we’re just going over this passage of scripture really clear with you guys. And so, first of all, the devil is real and he has he has followers, his angels, actually, and they were cast down to earth. And it says here that they know the devil has come down to you having great wrath.

What is wrath? Anger, right. Yeah, he has great wrath because he knows that he has a short time. He comes to accuse the scripture, talks about how he’s the accuser of our brethren. Right. And he accuses people before our God day and night because he’s been cast down. OK, so he’s a blame shifter. Yeah, he’s an accuser and he has his little angels with him. Yeah, quite a few. Quite a few of them. And I call them little just because I, I think God has a bigger Yeah.

Bigger tribe you bring you bring up a good point. A lot of people go, well, I don’t give any strength to the enemy, so I don’t talk about the enemy. I don’t you know, it’s nothing. God is way more powerful. Why even talk about the enemy and.

There’s truth in what I just said, yeah. God is way more powerful, way more powerful than the enemy, but I think it’s foolish and maybe maybe we’re going to lose some listeners here. But I think it’s foolish to not. Recognize the enemy, teach that the enemy does have power, even though it’s less and because if you’re in battle as a warrior, the important thing to understand is your enemy. So you have to understand your enemy if you know how to battle right, and the Bible teaches us how to go about. We talked about this this morning with the kids put on the form of God, their scripture on it. Right.

Love your enemies.

Pray for those who ask you, but you have to be able to discern what is the trickery of the enemy, what is how is the enemy using things of the world, things in the media, maybe, maybe on social media. If you have teenagers, you know, talk about this right. To trick you, to deceive you, to twist the truth of the Bible.

Yeah. I mean, first, Peter, five even talks about how our the devil, our enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. Yeah. I mean, literally, that’s what he’s doing is prowling around trying to see whom he can devour. Why? Because he knows that he has a short amount of time and he has great wrath.

Yeah. And he is the prince of the world, the heir prince of their prince of the heir. And it’s important that we recognize this because we need to teach our kids proactively how to.

Be a strong believer to be a Christian and to be in this world as believers when you are getting attacked, when you are getting persecuted. The reality is those things are going to happen. And they don’t always come from like minded believers.

Yes, there is something called friendly fire. Yeah. And that’s when another Christian is attacking another Christian. That’s why God warns us in Matthew six to take the log out of our own eye, you know, so that we can do surgery on the person who has a spark in their right. And that’s an important thing that we recognize that friendly fire can actually happen. And we never want to partake in that. We do not want to bring discord among brethren. But there is an enemy and he has workers and he also oppresses people and he tempts people to sin. And we live in a fallen world.

And he says, you don’t have to believe what the Bible says on that. You can more go with what the world says. But do you can believe what the Bible says on this?

No, no, no. That would be that would be OK. That’s we have already gotten into revelations. I think it’s twenty two verses eighteen. I just have to flip there for a second.

That’s the perception of that is the very last verses of scripture.

There is a warning in the Bible at the very end of the Bible for I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book. If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book, verse 19. And if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the book of life, from the Holy City and from the things which are written in this book. And then it goes on. It says He who testifies to these things says, Surely I am coming quickly. Amen. Even so, come Lord Jesus. And this is the end of the scripture, you guys. So we can’t be cherry picking. This is in the Bible. It’s in revelation for a reason.

And I really believe that these are three things that we need to purposefully, proactively evaluate as we as Christians are navigating accelerated end times, as we’ve called it.

Right.

Uncertain times and spiritual warfare that’s happening. And I asked the kids this morning this might be a good question. You can ask them, your kids if you feel appropriate. I said, would you rather the dragon, the devil and his angels stayed in heaven or would you rather have them on earth?

Yeah. And recently they were like, oh, I’d rather than be on Earth because we go to heaven and we’re there because we spend eternity in heaven.

I have it right is a little bit of a trick question, but it was a good question. Again, I’m thinking that I’m thinking about where would you rather have the enemy.

Right. Well, on the reality, though, is that it says that they overcame him. So who overcame him? God’s people. Right. But they overcame him, the devil by the blood of the lamb. We have another passage of scripture that we just want to share with you briefly about that. It’s Hebrews twelve, verse one through three you see here.

I’ll let you read that.

Yeah, I’ll read it in just a second. They didn’t love their lives to death. So what does that say as to do the first point, which is, you know, doing things outside of your own strength and faith? And if we love our lives too much, what happens?

Well, we were talking about this earlier.

If we if we love our lives too much, then we might act out of fear because we don’t want to disrupt the life that we currently have. I’ll give you an example.

So maybe maybe if you maybe God is calling you to do something like, I don’t know, maybe he’s calling you to start a church or let’s say he’s calling you to do something politically, run for mayor. I don’t know. Yeah. Or get involved. Politically activated. Right. Or maybe God’s calling you to evangelize somehow. Maybe he’s calling you to hospitality. It could be something. Any of those any of those things. They’re equally important in the kingdom of God regarding the great commission. Right. Because wherever we are, we are a missionary. Amen? What is God calling you to and are you choosing not to do it because you’re afraid of the disruption to your life that could occur? Is it going to put a spotlight on something that maybe isn’t going well in your life and you’re afraid of that? Are you scared and wanting to hide because you just don’t want to draw attention to your family because you just want to protect it, right? Yeah. The reality is, is God actually calls us and other scripture to lay down our crosses and to take up his right that those who love their life will lose it.

Mm hmm. And those.

Who love the Lord will gain it, and so we need to really evaluate, like, am I making decisions because I do not do things, for example, or to choose to do other things instead because I like my cushy, safe shelter?

Well, we could have we could have moved to a new place and stopped doing ministry so that we don’t get persecuted. And we could have, you know, sheltered our kids and, you know, made sure they’re not too much out there and knowing people and things like that. But just shut down all social media, shut down all social media where persecution comes away. But no, we believe that we’re supposed to press forward and maybe that’s not everybody calling. Everybody has different callings in that regard. But we but that is what we believe.

And we want you to know we believe for us. And so for us, these were some of the processing questions that we went through was what is this actually reveal? It’s kind of it’s the same process that we go through. I was just reading it in my own book regarding childbirth on the chapters that are about fear, fear of man, fear of God and fear of losing your own life. Like we have to evaluate why we have fear, because it’s not the fear that’s the issue. It’s the why we have fear. That’s the issue. God cares about our hearts. And so when we’re asking this question of why. Didn’t we live our lives a certain way? And are we going to live our lives a certain way until death, right, like proactively proclaiming Christ till we die? This is an important passage of scripture. And this this also goes along with another passage that we’re going to read here shortly.

You got it right here. Isaiah 41 10. Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Hmm. That is so cool. I love that. And another scripture we are going to read is Hebrews twelve one through three.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight in the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance, the race that is set before us looking under Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

And then verse three, which also goes along with it, which says for consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your own souls.

So got it. This is this is the how did they overcome by the blood of the lamb was the first answer in that Hebrews 12 is talking about this. Right. Remember what Jesus did and that he shed his blood so that we could be encouraged. Consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your own souls, talking about how he endured, how we need to endure and run the race that set before us. This is how you overcome. This is enduring. And I we’re going to talk a little bit more about enduring because that word endure had just brought a lot of questions to my mind. I started thinking, OK, so if somebody has a cushiony, safe, sheltered life, they have no reason to like you’re not enduring life. Right?

Enduring comes in passages that talk about tribulation and trial and all kinds of other issues here. Let’s just read one that’s in Matthew 24 that talks about end times, OK, where I start at verse six, which says and you will hear of rumors of wars and rumors of war. So this is Jesus on the Mount of Olives, talking to the disciples. They’re asking him what will be the sign of your coming in the end of age? And he goes on, take that.

No one deceives you. Many will come to my name saying I’m the Christ. Many will deceive. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars, see that you are not troubled for all these things must come to pass. So we like they must come to pass. We can’t get troubled over it.

And this is a prophecy of what’s in revelations.

Right. And so. But he says. But the end is not yet. It isn’t yet. You guys are right. It isn’t yet. For nation will rise against nation. So should we be shocked? Should we be shocked? No, and Kingdome against Kingdome, we’re talking those that kingdom against kingdoms like wars between different countries, right? Yeah, and honestly, nation will rise against nation is more like Races against one another.

You could take it that way.

That’s where it’s races, different cultures, people clashing with each other, which is so I mean, this is devastating and we are seeing some of this. But this stuff has been happening for a long, long time. And this is why, like when we talk about and times, it’s not like we don’t believe that it’s right now. Right, Isaac?

We don’t think the end times is like we’re in like Jesus is going to come back today. We pray that he does, but we don’t know where we live.

I teach my kids to live like he’s going to come any day. I think that we live better with that kind of belief.

And it’s what Paul actually encourages us to live as if he was coming today, right? Yeah. But also to have vision for the future. Absolutely. God calls us to that to says with people without vision.

Well, yeah. I mean, I see 10, 20 years out even further. I see we see generationally out for our kids. It helps us to realize just how can you believe do you things you so you live like Jesus could come tomorrow, but you have vision for 100 years from now.

Yep. 100 percent. And they don’t actually collide with one another. It’s actually fun to live both ways. Right. Because it’s an adventure. Yeah. But let’s continue this and there will be famines, there will be pestilence and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. They’re the beginning.

Yeah, the beginning of sorrows. Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and kill you and you will be hated by all nations for my namesake. And then many will be offended, will betray one another, will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to that end shall be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.

Sound familiar? I mean, just look at what’s happening in the world right now and right.

You’re seeing a lot of this stuff happening where I think that Americans and Western society, Western culture seen it maybe for the first time. But this stuff has been happening for hundreds, for thousands of years.

Christians, we need to be strong. How are you going to be able to handle persecution? Are you going to handle it well? Are you grounded so deep in the word and in your relationship with God that you will endure?

Are you keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus and the blood of the lamb that he crucified? He was crucified and he died for the forgiveness of your sins. And it’s in that blood alone that we’re saved.

Right? You guys know we’re in a battle, right. And but we’re not battling in our own strength because that we can have joy knowing that God is going before us, that God is protecting what he set out for us to do anyways. This is all his anyways. You do you realize all we really do is share scripture and then talk about our experiences of what God has guided us to do. So really everything we teach, encourage parenting and all the related ministries is really God is really God’s word.

But just in our experience of living it up, it’s just bearing witness of his goodness in our life. It’s really him and I. And I would just say to that, like you guys. So I just want to go back to that revelations to scripture that says they overcame him by the blood of the lamb. Yeah, right. So we got to remember that. We got to remember what he experienced. And we don’t let that enemy deceive us into thinking anything other than that. And we have to. And then we have to what endure to the end.

And it’s hard to endure to the end when you get persecution.

If it’s in your own strength, so maybe we need to practice on the small level so they’re ready for the bigger things that are coming. Mm hmm. If things are not just going to get easier, we know things are going to get harder. Right. And so we should not be seeking an easier path. We should be seeking an obedient path, which often is harder, but it glorifies God because it’s not in our strength.

So the second thing that I really wanted to point out to you guys in this passage that was really powerful for me personally was they overcame him by the blood of lamb and by the word of their testimony. So there is a lot of psalms that talk about your testimony, which is referring to God’s testimony, which is referring to the Bible. And this is actually saying with a little t their testimony, meaning the body of Christ testimony. Right. So we overcome the devil by the word of our testimony. And so by the blood, the lamb and by the word of our testimony.

And they did not love their lives to death. Sometimes we can be so afraid of what sharing our testimony with other people will do that we don’t share it. And I know I’ve experienced that. It’s that self-censorship that we talked about in our podcast on passive Christianity. It’s a very dangerous thing. But we have to remember that that is one of the main targets that the devil, the accuser is going to tempt us into not doing. He’s going to try to to attack our minds. To think that our testimony is not worthy of our testimony is not powerful. Our testimony is not worthy of sharing or to be afraid that if we share our testimony that somehow we’re going to experience backlash. And the reality is, is we might we actually might. We’ve experienced it many times, actually.

Right. In sharing our testimony of what God’s done in my heart. Just in receiving more kids or in your heart. Yeah. With many different things.

And I would just encourage you guys that the the real question here is, are we loving our lives to death? Like, are we loving our lives more than we’re loving, bringing glory to God by the word of our testimony? Because if we really believe that we are saved by the blood of the lamb, then we’re not going to let any fear of any persecution stop us from the second most powerful way that we can overcome the devil, which is by the word of our testimony.

So we’re supposed to endure to the end by the testimony, by sharing the gospel, endure to the end, not living for ourselves, but living for God and part of what is a blessing and a good thing and why God wants us to live in a way that’s outside of our own strength is because God uses other people around us to be that strength too. And we’ve certainly experienced that as we’re going through this challenge and we’re so thankful for the donations that have come in, because that is like, wow, we’re not alone. We’re running this race with so many people and it’s so encouraging.

That’s right. So you guys, as you go on and you’re serving in the capacities that God has placed you in and you’re doing the due diligence. Right. We just want to encourage you to, again, not grow weary in doing good, but also to really evaluate, like, am I being bold for Christ? Because why are we here? Like, yeah, we’re here to love the Lord, but we’re not here to have this. Like, we don’t become a Christian so that we can have an easier life. That’s a lie. That that like. Yes. God wants to bless you. Yes.

When we follow the principles of the Bible, our lives are not filled with as much hurt and pain and in turmoil. But guess what? There is still suffering in life. There’s still trials. There’s still tribulations, there’s still accidents.

There’s still people hurting people. There’s there’s still sin. We still live in a fallen world. And I can’t imagine going a day through any of those experiences that we’ve had throughout our life without having Jesus by my side, without having the guidance of the Holy Spirit and without his body literally here in Kurnit with as the body of Christ supporting me. Yeah.

And so if you have experienced that same if you’re listening and you go a man, I agree. Like, well, and you think about something you walked through, you know, I couldn’t have gone through it without our church or you think about something, you walk through and you went, wow, God really showed up in a really powerful way.

I want to challenge you to share that testimony with somebody, whether that’s your kids, your grandkids, your neighbor. Maybe God is raising you up and encouraging you to share with your church. I don’t know what it is, but I do know that in end times in Revelation, there are there are three ways that we can overcome the devil. One is by the blood lamb and by the word of our testimony and not loving our lives to death in that scripture.

And that’s what we talked about. So thanks for joining us.

Hey thanks for listening to this episode, for more resources, go to courageous parenting and courageous mom Dotcom for free online workshops, blog post and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program, Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with the downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, Live Webcast and the courageous parenting text message line. Ranjini, I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

Scripture In This Episode:

Hebrews 10:23-24 – “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,”

Proverbs 12:15 – “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.”

Proverbs 15:22 – “Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.”

Ephesians 4:32 – “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 – “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; love never fails…”

Matthew 28:19-20 – “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Amen.”

Matthew 22:37 – “Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children.

Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting.

Ok, you guys ready for part two, you guys, we are so excited about this next session, right? Like we’re we’re going to be talking about eight more points, things that we’ve been reflecting on. And you guys have listened to any of our podcasts. Don’t they get better the longer that they go on? So this is kind of like us jumping into the middle of all of the things that we’ve recognized have been a huge impact factor in our marriage.

Wow, we get some energy going when we talk about marriage.

This is fun. I know. Well, we used to do these marriage seminars and they were so much fun. Yeah, yeah. we will have to start doing that kind of stuff again someday.

You never know. But you know what? We appreciate you guys being part of the one million Legacy’s movement, whether you share on social media, promote the podcast, promote it to your church. You know, what’s also cool is the parenting mentor program, people joining that. But groups in churches are starting to join. Churches are playing our promo video of the parenting program in front of the church and groups are joining up. And it’s really neat to see that. And the people that are impacted by that, it’s incredible.

Yeah, you know what I was just thinking about to just right now, what we’re dealing with with uncertain times, there are a lot of churches that are actually not meeting together right now. And so I think that we’ve seen a bit of an influx with churches wanting to sign up as groups and do this together to support parents because they realize that they’re actually parenting more than they used to be if their kids are not in school. Yeah. And they want to give support to them, but they can’t meet at their local church. Right. So they’re looking for programs that are biblically based. So if that’s you if that’s your church guys reach out to Isaac, at [email protected]. We can work something out.

So we will get into the content in the second. We have six points. So we’re going to move quickly, but they’re very good. These are reflections looking back on our marriage for 21 years, because we just had our anniversary. On what are the things we’re most thankful for, the decisions we made and are consistently making that day to day life so much better and have made a really big difference in our marriage and fruitfulness in our family and so forth. So we’re going to be talking about that. But on iTunes or wherever you are, when you leave a review, a written one, we read them. We appreciate them.

And on iTunes, if you just hit the hit, the hit to tap five stars is going to tap tap something like that if I can speak.

I’m learning how to speak here today. It really helps the algorithms and helps the podcast get more exposure and helps the movement and all that. So we just so thank you for that and for the donations coming in for what’s going on. We just so appreciate it. It is so meaningful and so helpful. And all the show notes and free resources, a couple of free workshops at CourageousParenting.com hit podcast.

You can get all that stuff. Awesome. So let’s dive in. Yeah. So you guys, we covered seven in the last one. We covered the importance of date nights that the D word divorce is never an option. Yeah. Don’t let your identity of your marriage become wrapped up in the kids. Prioritize family over business and industry, build team projects together.

You get to hear the projects we’ve done.

Yeah. Have fun together. Yeah. And seeking the kingdom together. We’re going to start out with this next one, which is to encourage and build one another up.

Man, that could have been number one if we were like prioritizing order.

That might be, the most important one, but I like these are not in any particular order.

I like where it is. I’m just saying, like, yeah, that is so important.

It really is. In fact, you know what, guys? I don’t I mean, we recommend books every now and again. We recommend a lot in the mentor program. Man, I get a lot of messages from mom saying, hey, do you have recommendations for girls on teaching them about body image? And I’m like, you know what that is in our purity section of our parenting program. And so I just wanted to just put a little plug in for that because there are hundreds of resources and coupons for some of those resources in the parenting program. Yeah, but one of the first books that we read before we were married was Building your Mate’s Self-esteem by Dennis and Barbera Rainy.

And by the way, sometimes the time and place in your life makes a book really good. That’s true. So we haven’t looked at it since we were before married.

No, but it was such a good concept. It was good for us then. So I know we’re recommending it. So, yeah, that’s true.

We haven’t read it for over twenty one years, but it was helpful to us, the process of reading it and we committed to reading it out loud together to each other.

Yeah. It was a great way to start. That was before we were married. So that was like how we founded our relationship was reading together. I love that. I love that.

That was fun. That was a good job. And it was good practice listening to each other.

It really was. Yeah. Yeah. And actually paying attention to what’s being read. Sometimes it can be hard to listen to something that’s being read to you out loud. So it’s good practice.

You know what was a benefit back then? We didn’t have smartphones. Oh yeah. That didn’t exist. So and there was no social media. So we just listened to each other read this book. So good.

Ok, so there’s an exercise, a recommendation of something you could do. You could read a book together. Yeah, but I want to read to you from Hebrews 10:24, which you guys, you know, I am just pulling this out, but really this I always say this, this whole section is so it applies to right now how come it is that everything we’re reading? I feel like, oh, this is perfect for these uncertain times because the Bible is alive and active.

And that’s so amazing. The Bible is so cool that we’re OK.

So Hebrews Chapter Ten, if you really wanted to read about the having boldness to enter the holiest by the blood of Jesus in the consecrated, you guys have to read verse 19. Hold fast your confession of your faith. OK, so then it says in verse twenty three, let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful and let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.

Not forsaking the assembly of ourselves together as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another and so much more.

As you see the day Capital D approaching. We know what day he’s talking about.

I was just thinking of the visual like two pots on a stove. I don’t know, I’m not a cook or anything. But you have two soups and you got two spoons, right. And you get all the mixtures are separated and they’re kind of just separated. They’re not they don’t taste good. But you have you’re this pot over here on this pot over here. And then I come over to your pot and I stir up. So it tastes good. Stir it up and use mind, right? We’re supposed to stir each other into good work.

That’s good. Yeah, I like that. So a lot of times what we do is we stir our own pot. Right. But we need to stir eachothers pots. Gotcha. Yeah. I don’t know if that worked, but it works for me.

She’s looking at me. I love him.

I love him. He’s always got a story. OK, so you guys on this encouraging and building one another up. Yeah. It’s so important to God. It tells us to stir one another up to love and good works. And that’s what we’re doing when we’re building one another up. Isn’t it true that sometimes in your marriage maybe you get down or your husband gets down when you’re not down? It’s like one or the other, right? Sometimes you both struggle. Those are the hardest times right. But you need one another to remind each other who you are in Christ, because it’s easy to forget sometimes and you need help taking your thoughts captive or just remembering that you need to right and and to call that out and go. Actually, that’s not true about you. That’s a lie from the enemy. You need to take your thought captive. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to preach that to myself, but I know that I’ve had to say to you before, I had to say it to me before. And so that’s encouraging one another, exorting one another, but exorting one another and so much more as the day approaches now, it’s so much more. So much more.

If one of you has a critical spirit, a critical spirit looks for the wrong and somebody and so if somebody in the marriage relationship has a critical spirit, the other person is not going to want to share and be vulnerable about their challenges because a critical spirit will accentuate the negative. Yeah, and so so they’ll just keep private to themselves. And that’s not cultivating a strong marriage at all. And what you want is to be receptive of each other, take it in. And while there might be a little bit of truth to something, you’re looking for the good things to stir up good works in that person. They stir up confidence in who they are in Christ and stir up and good, maybe even call out spiritual gifts in one another.

Yeah, I know that we’ve had to do that. And each other remind each other like there are times like when your business failed, right. Like you struggled with even feeling like you had the right to be leading. Right. And I don’t think I did at the time. But but you were still called to be the leader of our family. And so I had to work on and exercise my encouragement muscle. Yeah. A lot more. And I had to hold back things that were maybe more critical because that was a fragile time.

You don’t have to be able to be aware of those times my leadership actually was better during that time, I think, because I wasn’t working so hard. Yeah, but yeah, that was super, super helpful. Absolutely.

Yeah. So I think that there’s times when it’s stirring up is, is building one another self-esteem. Yeah. But it is also acknowledging the talents and gifts and one another that maybe they don’t see in each other. Yeah. It’s also just been like pointing out the things you’re thankful for in the other person’s character. Right. It’s kind of like what you do. I mean, I’m going to say with your kids or with your friends or with any person like think of how when you’re being kind to someone and you’re wanting to build someone up right. Where you see something that’s really fruitful in them, if you just keep it to yourself, that’s that’s not a benefit. Like the Holy Spirit has revealed something to you about someone else. Yeah, that’s kind. And maybe they need that word of affirmation. That’s another thing that can be really encouraging. So building one another up has been I would say for me, it’s one of the top, most important things that we’ve done over the years in our marriage and building up the marriage to in front of each other.

Yeah, I we’re so good at this together or. Right. You know, remember that thing we did together. We can do this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So really important. OK, number two.

Number two, no secrets. That is so important. You have to have implicit trust amongst one another. And how can you have that. If there’s secrets and if there are secrets, it’s time to come clean.

Hmm. If not now than when we used it in the last episode now im using it differently which is when is the best time to come clean? Now. Right.

I mean, first John even talks about I don’t have that scripture out right now. But first John even talks about living, walking in the light as he is in the light so that we can have fellowship with one another. And if there are secrets, we’re actually walking in darkness and hiding things. Yeah. And it separates us from in our relationship with our spouse, with whoever maybe we’ve sinned against. But it also separates us in our relationship from God, because that’s what sin does. It separates right. And Jesus died for sin so that we could be free from it, so that we can actually live in freedom and be able to turn from it. Right. From temptation. But part of that is having accountability. We all need that because we’re not perfect. Part of that is also confessing and repenting. Right. Which means to turn away. And so there’s a need. Like, if you have secrets, I would really question like how genuine your relationship with God is because you don’t keep secrets and we give each other complete access to each other’s devices, email accounts, everything.

There’s nothing hidden. We share bank accounts to everything. So everything is transparent and that is crucial. It’s safe to have trust safe that way. And I don’t sit down with a woman without someone else there, even in work settings. And Angie does the same. I mean, it’s super important just to be above reproach, especially since we’ve been in ministry and more public. I’m so glad we’ve always been that way. Yeah, and especially when challenges come, it’s like, OK, we can be bold as lions because there’s nothing to hide, right? Yeah. There’s just nothing like we’ve lived transparently our whole lives. We’ve been consistent in who we are and that I think that’s important as we go into uncertain times. You want your marriage to be so rock solid that if an attack comes your way, you can you can stand strong because there’s there’s weak parts to be revealed. Right.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. It is a beautiful document you can download that Will has some key questions on it for your date night to just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, a CourageousParenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

What Angie and Isaac have done in creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids biblically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

And it’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise lights to be leaders for the next generation. So number three is mutual accountability, and that’s kind of what we’ve just been talking about. But I want to read a couple passages of scripture that are in Proverbs just to encourage you guys, because this is a big deal in marriage to have accountability. Yeah, it’s one of the main things that you and Isaac just gave you guys some examples. But Proverbs 12:15 says the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. But he who heeds counsel is wise.

So important to have counsel and even beyond your marriage. Right. There’s other episodes on mentoring and things like that, what we believe on that. But you’ve got to have people that you literally say you implicitly trust and you say, hey, you can ask me anything and and hold you accountable to things, which is important.

Another one is in Proverbs 15:22 that says without counsel, plans go awry. But in the multitude of counselors they are established. And I think that, you know, when you’re married, that’s one of the things that for mutual accountability, like obviously we have mutual accountability with each other. But I think what we were also talking about here with number three was that we each have had accountability partners outside of our marriage. We mutually had accountability. Yeah, you with Jim, me with a.. Like, just different. There’s been a lot of different people over the years that we’ve let people speak into our lives, even just even on a local basis. That’s super important because you’re walking with people face to face to where you’ve opened up your relationships to where people know that they have that the right, the permission and the responsibility to speak into your life if they think something’s off. Yeah. So superimportant. No, for.

Number four, back each other up in your parenting.

Ok, so this is a big deal because a lot of times people don’t realize this, but kids can sometimes be one of the main sources for arguing between couples that lead to the big D word down the road.

Let me realize let me give you a test. Let’s say your kids come to you complaining about something.

That, you know, your spouse has a problem with.

Are you saying, like, they’re complaining about mom giving them a consequence or something like that?

Well, complaining about Mom in a way that you kind of feel like, well, there is some truth to that. Maybe you might be thinking that you need to back her up in front of the kids, but then you go talk to her. Right. Or there’s I’m going to get away with something with the softer parent.

That’s the kids will do it to where they’ll try to create division or like they’ll like if they want to have a friend over. And they know that parent will always say no on that parent will always say, yes, it’s OK that parent and kids should get in trouble if they create division in your marriage.

And but the only way they’re going to do that is if you allow them to do that because you’re not backing each other up. Right. You need it. Absolutely. Back each other up. Now, if you disagree, hey, back each other up, then have a meeting about it and then you can come together and talk to kids. So that can be super, super helpful, too.

Yeah. So this is a big deal, though, that you guys have to like talk about it and come up with a plan and also talk to your kids. Your kids should know that you’re united front. Yeah, always.

Yeah, absolutely. The next one is number five is challenge each other to grow and give each other time to do it. So do does your wife have time to read her Bible? Does she have time to read books?

Does she feel guilty doing those things because there’s so much on her plate in the same could go for the husband, right?

Like the wife. I’m talking to you right now. Do you expect your husband to be the spiritual leader yet not give him time to read the Bible? We’ve talked about this many times in podcast, and it’s that double standard of, yes, I want you to lead. Why aren’t you leading? But yet you’re giving them a honey do list that’s twenty miles long that they can never get through to please you. So they never feel like they can have the time to actually be studying the word and be prepared to lead.

Yeah. And in time to grow sometimes involves being out with your friends. It’s time to grow. Sometimes means going to a conference and you’re not together. Right. There’s all kinds of ways you can encourage growth in each other and we should be mentored.

Do each of you have time to go spend with someone that can speak into your life? And we’re in the season now where we’re speaking into other people’s lives. And that is a calling and we have to make time for each other to do that. And so that’s another thing that now that we’re into we’re into the over the second decade of being married, right. Where we realize, OK, this is part of our calling now. We are in this season and recognizing that that is something we have to make time for.

You know, what’s the death of this is competition. If you’re competitive with each other, you’re not going to give each other time or comparison is a version of competition. You did a whole course on comparison with women.

But in marriage, this is a big deal, too, because if you’re comparing oh, I work way harder than her or I work way harder than him, he has no idea. Then you’re not going to, like, give him time off because you’re going to be like, I deserve any if there’s any minute of time off, it’s mine, right?

Yeah, there’s that. There’s that. And it’s the same thing when, you know, sometimes husbands can think, oh, my wife’s been home all day. Yeah. She doesn’t need any time. She’s been home all day. Oh. You know what he needs done. And so the reality is, is like you both that both of those attitudes are competitive attitudes. And you guys we’re able to share these with you because we struggled with these at times. Right. And we’ve just been honest with each other and confessed those things, forgiven each other and we moved on. But we’ve realized that a lot of couples continue. They make a habit of this. It’s a competitiveness. It’s in their marriage and it’s destructive.

So we’re really thankful that we have challenged each other to grow, given each other time to do so, because each of us it’s important we’re growing individually and we’re growing in our relationship with God and growing our skills. Didn’t God make us to be people of progress? So I know that Angie looks at her role as mom very seriously. But I also understand God made her for more things than only mom, although that’s incredible. She’s also an author. She’s also a blogger. She’s also a friend. She’s also an encourager to other people. She’s also someone that enjoys doing things outside of the home. Right. And so if I’m not helping her have space for that, and encouraging those things, then she’s not able to be the complete human being that God called her to be.

Hmm. Yeah. I mean, those things definitely do make me better at what I do, and it makes her feel better at being a mom. So number six is forgiveness. Obviously, you guys were probably waiting for that one. Forgiving is one of those things that obviously you need to have a lot of your marriage over time. Because guess what, you are going to make mistakes and you’re probably going to offend one another at times because in our humanity we’re not perfect and sometimes we act in our flesh and we get selfish and we say things right or oh, yeah, maybe we don’t say things or maybe we don’t do things. Maybe we missed the mark of expectations or what not. Right. And the reality is we need to let things go. We need to overlook things.

But we also need to forgive one another in Ephesians 4:32, it says, and be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. So important to forgive and move on completely. And let’s get rid of that little habit of bringing up all the things we forgave in the past that they did you wrong. But that’s not real forgiveness. Yeah, that’s we’ve done that before. And it’s not fun and it’s not fair fighting. So.

Right. So number seven is to love. Well, and now, you know, we could we are going to actually flip to the, again, another wedding verse that’s used all the time, which is in First Corinthians, chapter 13.

But you guys, when I think of love, I think of a few things.

I think of the different kinds of love, unconditional love, friend, love, like you want to be. You want to love one another as friends. But then there’s obviously your lovers, right? There’s an intimate kind of love. Then there’s the golden rule of love, treating other people as you would want to be treated right and loving people more than yourself. Right. I think of the second commandment, love your neighbor as yourself. And and so there’s all these aspects of loving well, but they all require us to choose to love well.

And I think that it’s really crucial in a marriage that we recognize that. So I’m just going to read from First Corinthians 13, maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a long time and you need to hear this.

Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. It does not parade itself. It’s not puffed up. It does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never fails. Mm. OK.

And so we need to remember all of these different aspects. This is a really good passage of scripture. I know that it’s read a lot, but the reality is, is we need to have this like pinned to our refrigerators or our mirrors in our bathroom to remember I need to be reminded that love is not provoked.

Yeah, right. Love is not rude.

Love does not seek its own right. Like all of these things, love is long suffering. Right. And and so, guys, a key to marriage, success or thriving marriages to love. Well, yeah.

And then point number eight is live out purpose of existence together as a team.

So that’s a big deal. So what is our purpose like. Why are we even here. Right. Like we know that to know God, make him known to love him forever or glorify him to glorify your marriage team.

Glorify God. Mm hmm. And to make him known, which is the great commission.

And so I think that, you know, both the scriptures, obviously, Matthew. Twenty eight. You guys know Matthew. Twenty eight, which says go ye therefore and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of Father the Son and the Holy Spirit. And lo I’m with you to the end of age. And I this is part of our like it’s it’s the collective mission commission, great mission of every believer.

And when you’re married you together are on that mission together. And so living out one of your purposes and then to know God and to love God is individual. But it’s also something that you do together. And I just want to read for a second from Matthew twenty to thirty seven, which says, Jesus said to them, You shall love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And so this is another aspect. If we it’s kind of like we are saying, seek the kingdom, seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added on to you. Love the Lord, your God with your heart, mind, soul and strength. Right. It it’s literally all of us. And when we are loving God, when we are seeking him in his word, all of the things that we need to be doing, the discernment that comes with the random issues that come up pop its ugly head in marriage, like we have wisdom in God’s word to be able to deal with those. And that helps you to thrive, to get through it, to learn through the hard things, appreciate the blessings and enjoy them right, man. And so I hope you guys were super encouraged. These are just some of the most important things that we’ve learned over the last twenty one years.

Yeah. So it’s been an incredible Twenty one years of marriage and we’re just getting going. And you know what? If you’re glorifying God with. Your marriage, then there’s no question you’re being a great example for your kids, do you want your kids to have a marriage like yours? Of course, it’s a resounding yes if your marriage is glorifying God. But if it’s not, there’s things to do. And you know, the number one thing, if you’re having marriage challenges right now is to pray, pray for your spouse, because God can help. Where you maybe can’t maybe there’s nothing you can do, but God can and keep loving your spouse and that’s a huge key.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode.

For more resources, go to CourageousParenting.com And CourageousMom.com For free online workshop’s blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program, Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience, training, to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You have access to our private online group, Live Webcasts and the courageous parenting text message line. Where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program. Secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

Weekly Tip and Date Night One Sheet!

Scripture In This Episode:

Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 – “To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

Luke 12:29 – “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children.

Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome back to the podcast. Hey, you guys. It’s that time of week and we’ve got something for you, a two-part series.

That’s right. So, you guys, a few weeks ago, Isaac and I celebrated 21 years of marriage, and we really wanted to do a podcast that was focused on reflections, things that we’ve learned, marriage wisdom.

We were going to do it right near our anniversary, but there were some other episodes that had to come out, unfortunately. Right. But they were good. And but now we’re getting to the content that we most care about.

That’s right. And so we’re really excited to be sharing with you guys tips for a thriving marriage, things that we’ve learned.

And we’re going to do a little reminiscing, maybe share some stories with you to be very practical, because as you look back over 21 years, of course, from just thinking about, oh, what are what’s marriage advice comes up to us, we give him advice. But if we reflect on the 21 years looking back, what are the best decisions we made that we’re so thankful we made those decisions?

Yes.

Or even habits of habit we did regularly that have yielded the most fruitfulness in our marriage and trickled down to our kids and our family. Yeah, those were the ones we’re giving.

Yeah. So we’re really excited to jump in. But before we do, we just wanted to remind you that there are a bunch of resources at CourageousParenting.com and we’re going to list them in today’s show notes, which you can find on the website right now. And so some of those resources are the Parenting Mentor program, which we have another one getting ready to start six weeks self-paced program. That’s right. And so you guys can find out about that on our main home page. We also have the home schooling blueprint.

Just about a thousand people have benefited from that, that I can’t believe how successful and helpful that’s been for people.

So I just realized saying homeschool blueprint, people might not realize that this is a self-paced course also that has six main teaching videos in it that are great for people who are starting, but also really important encouragement and reevaluation for people who have been homeschooling a long time.

And it’s just way discounted because it launched during covid. And I’ve been meaning to go raise the price, but we’ve been so busy so so take advantage of that. Isaac has enough time on his hands to actually do that because it should really be more at six and a half hours of curriculum. It’s a 45 page workbook. It totally should cost more.

Yeah, it’s only. How much is it. Fifty nine dollars. So supercheap. And then we also have the Christian postpartum course and my book reading Childbirth. And there’s other stuff as well. You can find out about that one at CourageousMom.com. So we have a lot of resources for you guys. We just want you to know that those are there for your support and your encouragement because they also help us do the ministry.

We’re full time. Our mission to impact one million legacies and praise God that donations are coming in right now. You guys know why it’s so important and so helpful and so you can do that at CourageousParenting.com/Donate. And if you share it on social media or tagged in anything or promoted the podcast or anything like that, I just know you are part of the one million legacy movement and thank you.

Awesome. OK, so let’s dive in. Yeah. The first thing that’s been kind of a routine, I’m going to call it a routine or habit. I like routine better. We have been going on date nights since we actually were dating I and it never stopped dating my wife.

I just love it. She is my favorite person to go hang out with and I can’t wait to do it. And sometimes I just go, hey, let’s go.

I know he does. It’s actually great. But we have I mean, we’ve had seasons where we had little kids, we’ve had seasons where we’ve had older kids that we’re able to help and babysit built-in babysitters. Yeah. And so we get that it can be difficult at times to get away. Yeah. And so we just we wanted to encourage you guys to look up the podcast that’s on unique date night ideas because we actually went over a lot of really great ideas, that podcast. Yeah. And also we have a date night, one sheet that would be free for people if they wanted to have more purposeful Visioneering date night, which they can get when they become a subscriber on our website. CourageousParenting.com

Yeah, so but but date nights, really, that wasn’t something that was like a hugely known thing to do back then, but we just continued after we got married and it really was a source for me that helped me to remember that I was Angie and I was still the girl that Isaac fell in love with all those years ago.

Because don’t you sometimes get a little different when you’re not with your kids?

I mean, we’re the same people, but like when you’re not getting interrupted, when you’re able to just sit and think for a while and have deep conversations for a long time, like you remember who you are. And that is so, so important. Yeah. For your spouses to remember who you are, you guys, you got to be intentional.

It speaks volumes to your wife when you plan something, when you say, hey, let’s go and nothing’s planned and you figure out why you’re out there. Just the initiative of wanting to spend a long time with your wife and showing that and arranging the sitter or whatever you got to do ahead of time when you take it upon yourself to do that. Now, I didn’t always initiate the sitter. You did sometimes, but. Yeah. Take as much initiative as you can to want to show that desire your wife to go out. Hey, let’s get a date tonight. And could you get a sitter, figure that out or whatever?

Speaking of sitters, I’ve gotten a lot of questions whenever we brought update in just about babysitters. And I just want to again point you to the podcast. We did a whole episode on standards that you should have for a babysitter and how to find them. So go look that one up. I think it was at the end of season one. But number two on our list was something that we talked about during premarital counseling. And I think that it’s made a massive impact on us. And I know for sure it’s been a positive thing for our kids not to hear this.

Yeah, we made a choice not to say we never said this word, the D word divorce.

Now, it’s kind of a rule. It was like, you know, how when you’re when you’re in a game, there’s rules. Right. And so when we got first when we first got married, we were about to get married. We kind of came up with some some fair play rules. And that was one of them that we were never going to use that word against each other to talk about.

Yeah. You know, in anger or anything like that. It’s never been said in our vocabulary in communicating to each other about each other or our marriage. And we made that commitment the beginning and we’ve kept to that. And you might go, well, that seems simple. We have to praise God. But I know that sometimes when people are emotional and angry, people get beside themselves and say things they don’t truly mean. But there’s a little bit of truth, actually, in everything we say, even if we don’t mean it because the other person hears it and it it creates a little bad some little little bad seeds that create wedges in relationship. And you don’t want to do that. And by the way, I know that sometimes divorce happens and happens to good people and some people we love, we have some close friends, even though even people here in the Courageous Parenting Mentor Program who have been there are situations where it’s unavoidable actually for certain people.

So but those same people would also agree that they know that it’s not God’s design for marriage. I just wanted to clarify. Yeah. So we have a couple of verses as to why we believe this and that. You’ve probably heard them at weddings many times. Genesis 2:24. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

And then Mark ten nine says, therefore, what God has joined together let not man separate.

And those are two obvious like wedding verses that are usually taught on in depth at weddings.

But that is really like the core reason why we were like, well, why would let’s not even make that be an option for us. So that’s just one good game rule that you could put into your marriage. You could talk about it on your date night.

Yeah. And point number three is don’t let the identity of your marriage become wrapped up in the kids.

That’s when you don’t even realize that you’ve made an idol out of your kids or parenting or maybe you’ve just not purposed to keep your marriage in the proper priority list to where you don’t actually invest in your marriage very much. And then the only thing you ever talk about is kids, kids, kids.

And then when you’re empty nesters, you don’t know what to talk about because you’ve only been talking about maintenance talk or the kids. Yeah.

And you look at each other and you go, I don’t I don’t even know you anymore. Yeah, right. Or like what what do we have to do together. Like, what fun thing do we want to do together. we’ve not done anything.

It’s literally your responsibility to stay in love with your wife, to stay in love with your husband.

You have to work hard to make the choice. Yeah. And I, I think that this is so critical because when people get older, a lot of times they just look at each other and they don’t they don’t really know why they’re married anymore. And if you want to have a thriving marriage, you have to, like, enjoy one another. You have to pursue one another. You have to study one another. You have to choose to love one another forgive one another, all those things. But really, what it comes down to is protecting your identity of your marriage from becoming something that it’s not. Yeah. Over time. And part of that is by keeping your priorities in order OK. Number four.

Yeah. Prioritize family over business in ministry. This one I think is crucial. Everybody’s going to say, I do probably or most people would say, well, of course I prioritize. Well, just because you love something more doesn’t mean your actions actually prioritize it over another thing. So let’s just get that straight first. Yeah. So when when it really comes down to it, is family the top priority over ministries, family, a top priority over business or career or job? And it’s really important because if if it’s not, you’ll love the family more, but you’ll sacrifice it consistently and ever more for something where maybe you get more accolades from or maybe you the world gives you more value for it. Sometimes just volunteering. Doesn’t it feel good when you volunteer and you help people? Some. That feels better than digging in with the family. That doesn’t mean you don’t volunteer, but not at the sacrifice of the family and keep ing that a priority. And we’ve done a really good job at this, I would say, over 21 years. There’s periods of time where there’s really out of balance. For example, when I had a struggling startup company and lots of employees and, you know, we’re facing financial challenges and these kinds of things. And I worked way too much. And even though in my mind, my family is a higher priority, my actions to ensure that for a few years and that was a really hard season and it affected our marriage and it affected my role as father, and I regret it. And so are there seasons to work really hard? Yes, but you got to put an expiration date on them and you better hit it. OK, superimportant can’t it shouldn’t be too too long, right?

You don’t keep extending the expiration date over and over again. I mean, you want to have grace with one another, but try to find ways to involve your family in it if you’re building a business.

I mean, that’s something that we’ve been really busy doing with my kids to conferences and past kinds of having them involved in the hospitality. When Dad’s bringing people home from work, that’s what we did in the home. Right. So there was a lot there’s a lot of opportunities where you can still be proactively keeping the kids involved and engaged and pursuing those relationships, even when you’re doing business, when you have something that’s really intense that you need to build because there are seasons for that. But I think that for me, like with ministry, I even made that mistake with getting too involved. There is one point where I was either attending or leading or running six different ministries at one time. And how many little kids? I mean, we had just had me and so we had three kids under four. And honestly, it was just way too much. And I got super convicted about it. And I share about this in a different podcast.

But a good point on that is just because you’re capable, just because you’re able, doesn’t mean you should, right.

Because there wasn’t any issues going on. It just was like I actually chose to stop before there were issues because I didn’t want to disqualify myself from ministry when I was older, knowing that God’s words very clear about what the qualifications are for Titus to mentors and for people who are considered elders and elder qualified. And so I didn’t want you disqualified. He didn’t want me disqualified. And I knew that I wasn’t in the season that God was calling me to do that. And one of the verses that was super convicting to me is in Ecclesiastes three that says to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted like we were in the season of life where we were supposed to be discipling like I. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be discipling other people. Primarily I was supposed to be primarily first discipling my kids. I couldn’t do both because they were so little and had physical needs in a different kind of way than they do when they’re older. Yeah. And so and that’s part of God’s design. That’s why he has Titus 2 very clear that the older men are to teach the younger men and the older women are to teach the younger women.

I even remember when I, I stayed elder, but I stepped back in my involvement because I felt like that the things I was doing was with work and everything was sacrificing the family and something had to give. And it’s not going to be my family. It’s just not right.

And so part of it is even like when you’re not able to provide for your family, because the Bible does say it’s worse for an unbeliever than for a man not to provide for his family. So we had to really like look at a lot of things. And we were waiting on the Lord to provide me was. But you have to do the work you’ve committed to do when you’re getting paid.

And I remember that. I remember the hard decisions and then God just validates it afterwards. Like it looks counterintuitive. Sometimes it looks backwards, like, oh, maybe you won’t get a promotion and you’re hustling on this on this path. But how long can you do that? Because what starts to get ingrained in us is habits, a way of being, a willingness to sacrifice. I remember a quote I used to use leaders sacrifice much that is good in order to dedicate themselves to that which is best. That’s, I believe, a John Maxwell quote. And I remember as a young early 20s entrepreneur, I loved that quote. And I remember working really hard and using that both ways. I’d use it on my business, using my family, and I would rationalize whatever I wanted to do with that quote, actually.

And I remember realizing, you know what, no family, no matter what is most important and everything else is going to have to give.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. She is a beautiful document you can download that Will has some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to parenting dotcom and subscribing to our mailing lists. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, at CourageousParenting.com, and I also just want to share real quick about the parenting mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

But engineers have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just a really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

And it’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year. One of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights, to be leaders for the next generation. Right. And we really believe that if we kept our priorities straight, God would bless the other things. And he did. Yeah, he did. That doesn’t mean that life’s going to be easy. We’ve had really hard trials in our life for sure. But you know what? He’s walked with them through us and we’ve grown a lot from them. So just be aware of the season you’re in. Are you in post-partum? Do you need to cut back on hospitality for a season? Like, don’t overdo it, know your limits, say no. And hey, you guys, I’m gonna say no. I literally just confessed to someone another day yesterday, actually, a dear friend of mine. She said, Angie, you can say no, you can have a season of rest. And I went, I need to get better at saying no, like I’m still learning this. Yeah. And I think some of us need to have permission to say no sometimes because we want to enjoy the life that we have with our kids. Yeah. We want to not look back on this season as so hurried that we’re not looking at our kids in the eyes and, you know, really engaging them.

I have another I have one last story on this. I remember that kind of the peak of my success when I was younger in business and there was forty people running similar organizations. We were entrepreneurs, but they were seeing what we were doing around the country. And a lot of them were single or had all the time on their hands and worked all hours. And, you know, we’re able to do anything they wanted. Yeah. And I remember, you know, here I am, our fourth one. Angie’s on bed rest with our fourth, I believe. And she’s like, I really need you. And it was just like, OK, I’m going to sacrifice because I know it’s right to be there for Angie. Work way less.

So the first time you did laundry.

Anyway, you can listen to the podcast for time, but that’s a but it’s a funny story.

So anyways, there was this decision and I literally had this thought, I guess family men have to give and they don’t they’re not going to be successful because they can’t just spend all the hours in different time and be as flexible for the business. So I am going to give a certain amount of time, certain part of the days and in the week to the business. And I’m going to dedicate myself to what Angie needs so we can have more kids, because I didn’t want my selfishness or desire for how well our company or our our family was doing financially to sacrifice what God wanted for our family.

And I remember wrestling with that. And I caved. I call it caved. I caved into less success for the family. Now, sometimes that’s true, but then I challenge them. Like, why does it have to be that way? I remember this and I wrestled with that and I go, no, why can’t both exist? Why can’t I be successful and have a thriving family and spend lots of time with them? And I remember it was very counterintuitive and I literally changed the way things were done. I literally changed all kinds of things. And God gave me wisdom for that because he knew I wanted to be obedient. And then the organization went from five to over ten million and what’s never been done and still ever been done in that organization. So and I cut my hours significantly to spend with Angie. So I just want to challenge that sometimes as a give and take. And it does sacrifice some success and sometimes it doesn’t have to if you think differently.

Mm hmm. Very good. So we thought that it would be fun for us to kind of we’re going to kind of mix five and six together because five is building things together and we’re going to spend a little bit of time reminiscing. But yeah, but number six is fun things that we’ve done together. But I just have to say it was hard for me to separate these because I think building things together is fun.

We look back and we’re so glad we did hard things together. We’re so glad we took on projects, we had no idea what we’re doing and and there were way harder than we expected.

That’s right. And they didn’t always show the kind of fruit that we were expecting either.

Right. But we were working together. There was the biggest fruit. The biggest win was our marriage was nurtured because we went through tests because we just didn’t stay comfortable. We’re constantly pushing the envelope in the things that we’re doing together and that has kept us really strong and I relish that. So building things together with some of the things we built.

Well, you guys, OK, so we’ve been married 21 years now, but before we were married, we actually met because we worked together. Isaac was my manager. He hired me. Yeah.

And you’re a summer job. I was six weeks to work technically on summer job too, except I was running the business and she came in and worked with me and that was incredible. I wasn’t a believer and she was, she just got back from Turkey. That’s a whole nother story of how I came to know the Lord. I think we do share and one of the episodes. But that was an interesting summer. You worked for about six weeks, did a great job, went back to school in Canada. I went back to school in the States and.

Yeah, and then I think so then you got saved. And then the next summer we worked together to to open a year round office because you had graduated college and we were getting married at the end of the summer.

You were my assistant manager. Nobody knew we were getting married. That was fun. Yeah. And we worked really, really hard together that summer. And we’re able to pay for a lot of the wedding and things from that.

We worked really hard and I was going to summer school and planning a wedding at the same time as helping build a business. And you guys, I mean, we we worked really hard. We were up early. We were up late. Working, working. Yeah. But we were on a mission together. And we found out very quickly that we worked well together, which was kind of a good boot camp for our marriage. Not perfectly. There were times. Yeah, yeah. For sure. And then then we started a family and we started a family pretty quickly because we we ideally wanted to wait a couple of years. But the Lord blessed us with Kelsey. A few months after getting married, we found out we were married September. We found out just the day we got our Christmas tree in December, we found out that we were pregnant and I got really, really sick. And so it made it really hard. I was lonely. Isaac was still working, building the business, working really hard, working really hard. How hard? Let’s just say it. How many was working?

I was working seven days a week. I took Sun first half of Sunday off to go to church and all that premarital counseling before church. I was so tired and then church and then time after church. And then I would go to work Sunday night and then we got married.

There was no premarital counseling, obviously, but we were still taking that morning off for church. Oh, right. Right, yeah. And then and then the business, because of how it worked, you had to work on Sunday night.

I didn’t have leaders developed yet to help me run things, so I had to do that.

And my best assistant manager was now home and we were still young and figuring out things in our faith and different things like that would not recommend that. It’s really important that you have a day of rest. And we’ve learned that over the years. Right. We’ve also learned we’ve learned a lot of things. It was about six months of working, seven days a week. And then so during that time, I was really lonely and we were starting a family in the sense of me being pregnant. And I missed being in the office. So Isaac would invite me to be a part of as much as I could. I would come to team meetings, yeah, team night outs. And I, I’d bring cookies. And I was like the I was like the the mom that came into the office.

Yeah. And I think because of that, the stability of our marriage or teamwork, even though she wasn’t active in the business doing any position in the business, she had a position that was respected because I gave her so much respect for one of all my leaders and so forth, and she would come over or that all my leaders would come over or a few of them at 10:00 at night at times, and she would serve enchiladas. And they were excited to talk to. Yeah, they wanted they saw she was intelligent and I really built her up to them.

And and it helped to that. I had done the business with you for a while because they they knew that they knew I had been a top rep and then I had been an assistant manager. And and so like there was this element to of I had done bookkeeping and helped train other people.

And so so so I think that really helped me make progress in two years running, Washington, Oregon, getting promoted and just our marriage. And so we really looked at this as marriage should be a catalyst towards business success and business should be a catalyst towards marriage success. And if it’s not, you’re doing something wrong or you’re doing the wrong business.

Well, and I would say, too, I know that for us, like when we say the word success, our definition is probably very different than what most people would think of as success.

I we’ve used the word growth like marriage growth should create business growth in business growth should create marriage growth. And that really is what we experienced really truthfully. And and that actually became a huge ministry for us. So like then later as we were having kids. We would be able to go I go to conferences with you sometimes, sometimes I’d have a baby with me and I’d be able to minister to the significant others of other people that were there.

And it became much more about less about us and about the business and more about God and incorporating him into it.

And then on the side, we built a coaching company with the marriage seminars and, you know, and coaching.

Yeah, all that. Yep. And then we also flipped a condo and our first house. And then that helped us to buy the Damascus house, which we fully remodeled. Now that was a project that was a huge project. Forty two hundred square feet, full remodel, new kitchen, new floors, every bathroom, new bathroom, siding for bathroom knocking huge walls out.

Yeah, fire, all fireplaces redone, all electrical.

I mean, it was a huge, huge project, exciting paint, but so much fun. And we were crazy like, OK, so we’re reminiscing on twenty one years and I’m thinking, OK, I was pregnant with our fourth. Yeah, we were doing this remodel and then we bought 21 baby chickens, chicks and a puppy, a black lab puppy which a crate trained all while I’m pregnant. And we’re, I mean that’s just how we are, right. We’ve just been running a mile a minute, but it’s been an adventure, you know, and that was my first experience in construction, not necessarily swinging a hammer.

Of course, I did a little bit of that for fun, but mostly I hired people and managed the projects and that set up my little card table, was doing my normal business, but just there to make decisions and kind of keep an eye on things and all that stuff.

And you loved it. And then a few years after living there, we decided to plant the vineyard. Yeah. Which was a whole nother project. So this is right after Luke was born. In fact, I have pictures where he’s like five or six weeks old. He’s in the front pack. I’m hauling a hose. And here we are planting twelve hundred and eighty three plants and cultivating a vineyard, which I knew that we’re all under seven viticulture or anything. No, no. We had to find a mentor. We hired him into our vineyard viticulture mentors. We called him and we had five kids under seven and they were all helping. We did it all as a family and it was the best weekend we ever spent with the kids and planting the plants. Yeah, really, it still goes down in history in their minds, but it like a seven year project. Yeah. Oh yeah. So we planted all these vines in one weekend.

Twelve hundred and eighty, some eighty three. Yep. I have the the exact numbers on the detail lady.

Yeah. It was incredible.

We went out to dinner afterwards and we’re so exhausted but we looked each other in the eyes and we’re like oh we did something together.

Yeah.

All of the kids we got like bananas and special little drinks for them, you know, and they’re like, oh, we worked so hard for this with the best. So building things together.

Now what we build might be totally different than what you build together. You guys, you know, you might do art together, right?

I mean, or play tennis together, history together now. Right. The podcast is a new thing that we’ve built in the last two years, the parenting program. So, yeah, there are so many different things that you could do. But we also like to have fun. Now, obviously, you guys are going, OK, so that was all that you built together, but that sounds like fun. You guys are talking about it and reminiscing and it was fun. But we also have loved doing specific things that were just for fun, like traveling together.

Oh yeah. Traveling has been amazing.

We’ve been to France, Italy, um, London and Prague. Spain, yes. Argentina, Mexico. Why many times Canada.

I mean, we’ve been all over the United States to you guys. I think we’ve seen forty eight of the states. I think there’s only two we haven’t seen. Yeah. So we have to make it to those last two on our trip. Maybe but but we have enjoyed international traveling. Just Isaac and I. Sometimes we take a baby with us. Yeah. We took Luke with us to the Czech Republic and that was just awesome. He was like the perfect baby in Spain and everywhere. Anyways, we had so much fun on that trip.

My favorite, by the way, is Italy. I just love Italy. That was really cool. I love that they take a few hours in the afternoon to just sit and drink coffee. Yeah, I love that. We need to, like, institute that here.

Well, you guys, we’ve also we’ve also enjoyed just dreaming together, like having date nights where we’re able to dream doing hospitality and then RV trips with the kids camping paddleboarding. Yeah. Going on date nights where we’re rafting down the river. Yeah. Just done so many different things.

We even have gone to the shooting range, which is not my favorite thing to do. Painting pottery.

That was not your favorite thing to do. But I loved it thanks for going with me.

Yeah, but so sometimes guys, you want to do something that your spouse, you know, really likes to do that you maybe don’t want to do is to just go in and see a movie dinner or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Spontaneous, yes. So weekend trips just us. Lots of stuff like that. So it’s important to have fun. We’ve we’re thankful for that. We’re thankful that we built things together. And I think you’ve got to really look at that. And you know what? We’ve had different periods of time where we can afford different things. You can’t afford things. And one of the things ten years ago, we bought the RV because we. We had a growing big family and man, we want to be able to be spontaneous and go places, but we also felt like a responsibility to be able to maneuver our family, to take care of them, to take care of them, even if there’s challenging times ahead.

So we were thinking, which was interesting because we’ve used it for that. For example, just a few years ago, with all of the smoke from the fires that was there, we had to evacuate because we lived in a really old ranch house and the smoke was coming in and our kids were literally coughing up ash. So we evacuated central Oregon.

We piled them all an RV and we went to a little pocket towns and spent time with family and got away from the smoke. And then now I mean, we’ve had to do that even here, right? Yeah. So I would say that, you know, you don’t always know what what blessings are going to come from the decisions that you make. But we know for sure that we we’re now that we have hindsight, it’s fun to have hindsight. Yeah.

It’s fun to be able to look back on twenty one years, I think a combo of those two things, as we’ve always wanted to not live with regrets. So we tend to proactively make decisions knowing that if we don’t just do it. Here’s the key thing someone once said, if not now, then when. And I think that I’m like, oh, I want to get everything dialed. I need this certain amount saved first or these things. And there’s some prudence to that. Prudence is good, right? But at the same time, if not now, then when a lot of times it’s about our decision making that allows things not to happen. Yeah. And then they don’t ever happen. Yeah.

It’s good. So the seventh principle, and then we’re going to end with you guys with this episode, is that to have a thriving marriage, you need to seek the kingdom of God together.

I have a verse here in Luke 12:29, that says, and do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink nor have an anxious mind. Whoa. Does that not apply to these uncertain times nor have an anxious mind for all these things the nations of the world seek after. And your father knows that you need these things, but seek the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you. I would just encourage you to read up higher. I don’t have time to dig into that now, but chapter 12:22-34 is just phenomenal. Also talks about where your treasure is there. Your heart will also be you guys. This particular passage is about seeking the kingdom, seeking God first.

And I think that that is such a key element for a thriving marriage, because if you’re seeking him first, all the things that you could dream of, even in a marriage, those things will be added to you if you’re both seeking the kingdom.

Right, because you’re going to be seeking to love one another, you’re going to be seeking to forgive one, are going to be seeking all the things that are kingdom minded. Yeah. Things that God calls us to as believers that are really for really for our own good, actually.

Yeah. And so we just want to encourage you guys with that seventh principle. And then our next podcast, we’re going to go over the next eight things that are going to wrap up what we’ve learned over the years and what we look back and go, wow, we’re so glad we did that consistently.

Yes. In our marriage, because it’s led to fruitfulness 21 years later. So thanks for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode.

For more resources, go to CourageousParenting.com And CourageousMom.com For free online workshops, blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program, Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, Live Webcast and the courageous parenting text message line. Where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

Scripture In This Episode:

Psalm 1:27 – “Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.”

James 2:18-19 – “But someone will say, ‘You have faith, and I have works.’ Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show with parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married for 21 years and have seen the fruit from raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children.

Too many children from Christian families are walking away from their faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome back to the podcast. Hey, everybody, how’s it going?

So we’ve got a very relevant topic, as usual, comes off the heels of an incredible trip to Idaho.

Yeah, we were just invited to an event called Freedom Stand 2020 that took place in the outskirts of Boise, Idaho. Yeah, and it was such an incredible experience. It was fun. You know, I have to tell you guys, I have all my life, I’ve never lived in a conservative state and I’m so excited to move.

Yeah.

So excited. And this was just part of it. Like to literally be sitting there among seven hundred eight hundred other people who are like minded. It was led by it was actually hosted by a local church. Yeah. And so it was everything that was spoken was spoken of from a heart of Christ centredness first. Yeah. And praying for the opposing side if you will. All of it.

I was for Christians to become activated with the roles that God would have them play. And we’re 40 days or so away from an election, the most important election of our lifetime.

I know that said a lot, but it really is of our lifetime, maybe not of the lifetime of the US, but of our lifetime for sure. It’s a strategic time, you guys. It was interesting. I was reading through Ephesians six. Everyone knows that this is the stand firm then in the form of God’s passage of scripture, and it says in theirs to stand firm so that you can you can fight against the devils schemes.

Yeah, right. So the devils schemes, that means he’s a schemer. Yeah, he’s a schemer. And it’s obvious that he has a plan and he tries to do things right. We are aware of that. And it’s important as Christians that we don’t forget that there is an enemy and that he does have minions actually in a sense, and that we need to be praying. Actually, we need to be praying for the salvation of those who are spiritually oppressed. Yeah, we need to be praying for people who are led astray. And we need to be praying for people who are disillusioned, who have maybe believed the lies. Right. That has been fed to them. And this is the thing. So as we’re diving into this particular topic today, we want to encourage you guys to, first of all, take the action of being praying for all people, not just Saints. Oh, yeah, action. That is an action. And I don’t you know, we’re going be talking about getting more activated right now. being willing, as a Christian, to speak up

Here’s a doctrinal stance, is that we actually believe that when you pray, God hears it, OK? He doesn’t always do exactly what we pray, but sometimes he actually takes action because of the Saints prayers.

Right. And so, as a believer, our goal in prayer is obviously first to know God more. Right. To want to communion with him, if you will. But also it’s that we would be praying God’s will not be praying selfishly, but be praying God’s will, because when you know, he will answer every prayer, sometimes it’s you know, sometimes it’s. Yes, right. Yeah. But you’re less likely to get knows and more likely to get yeses if you’re praying within God’s will and people.

So we’re talking about rejecting passivity and being courageous. So funny because you’re courageous, Mom. Right. And I’m resolute, man. Not by choice. Right. And that’s just what we felt like. God was prompting us to put forward to help other people be courageous moms and other men to be resolute men.

Can I just say something to that? Like, I’ll just speak for myself when we chose that, like, you know, that name, it wasn’t because I felt like I was so courageous.

It was because I felt like that’s actually something God wants to grow in me. And so I’m just sharing that with you guys because today’s message is a convicting one for myself. Yeah, I do not in my flesh, in my nature. I do not want to speak out and to be bold, but it’s something that God has been growing more and more in me, a desire to be bold for him and to proclaim truth, all truths. Yeah.

And I would say and I battle with passivity, meaning that I have these thoughts of not doing something. But then it’s like the spirit overwhelms me and says, go do it, and then I go do it. And so it’s not just that we were born resolute man and courageous mom. Now that you are the man and you are the courageous mom and we’re trying to help other people be that in this uncertain times, in these times, we’re willing to stand firm and we need to vote and we need to proclaim things that sometimes we have fear about. So rejecting positivity and being courageous is what this episode is about. It’s not just political, but we will talk about politics a little bit before. We get into it, wow, this last six days has been really incredible and a lot of ways just hearing all that long and sometimes short to care about the same messages towards us, just supporting us that you’re praying for us. I would say maybe over six or seven hundred messages and all the different ways that we’re positive about our last episode and the challenge we’re dealing with.

And can I just add, like, thank you for being in a place where I could be transparent and share a lot of like what we shared was a hard thing to just bring bring into the light. Yeah. Bring out into the light. It’s not something that we’ve by any means tried to hide, but we like there was this part of me that was like just nervous how people would receive it. And those messages mean so much because for you guys to really be able to discern my heart and see that, like, you know, most people are like, I can’t believe this was going on for four or five months. I had no idea you kept doing podcasts and you were like you had joy. Like that was the overwhelming thing that people were like, yeah, I had no idea that was going on that whole time. How did you keep doing those things? And I just have to, like, encourage you guys because it’s the joy of the Lord.

And no matter what the circumstances are, it can’t be stolen from you if it’s really, truly his joy. And I will say, yeah, I’ve experienced a lot of different emotions over four months and just creating that video took us a long time. And reliving some of the emotions was hard. And there were a host of different emotions at different times. And you know what, though?

Like, I stand before God with a clear conscience that we’re walking forward with his leading and his blessing. And so thank you.

Yeah. And already 12 percent of what’s needed for this battle has been raised in six days. So that is really incredible. And we’re just blessed by that. You can go to courageous parenting dot com for the show, notes, resources, free resources, a couple of cool workshops, the parenting mentor program, the home schooling blueprint, but also you can donate there. So just at the mention or CourageousParenting.com Forward donate. And we really, really appreciate that. So let’s dive in.

Yeah. So you guys, we are going to be sharing a little bit. We were inspired, weren’t we? Yes, we were. We were inspired. Charlie Kirk is an amazing leader for a young guy.

He’s twenty six, right? Yeah.

And I was very impressed with him.

Yeah. On a lot of levels. No one’s you know, it’s interesting. I actually I was the first time I think I’ve ever heard him speak. I’m just being honest.

Me too. Yes, I’ve heard his name, but I have not I’m not tuned in. Right.

Right. He’s putting so it was cool to be there and to see kind of what he’s been doing at the college campuses across America. And it’s important thing that for you guys to hear, because he was like really shedding light on the problem of too many people going to college right now.

And in the sense of like going into debt and not using their degrees and what they’re actually being taught and not knowing or even being ever exposed to a different way of viewing government action. It was interesting, his perspectives of what he’s seen as he’s toured around the country.

And he really does a lot. Yeah, from one place to another to another to another.

And then Rob McCoy, his pastor, it was so encouraging to see a pastor that is standing strong even at the expense of, you know, the law. And then that can be debatable. Christians ought to be I think it’s Romans 13 or something like that. And but not submitting to authority, submitting to authority. But you know what? There is tyranny happening against the churches we believe that you may disagree with. And you know what? We can always disagree on some things and still love each other. Isn’t that cool?

Yeah, but it’s not a salvation issue if you agree.

And we believe that tyranny is happening against the churches in America and it’s been far too long enough is enough in this pastor was talking about that and standing firm and being proactive and taking action and getting involved in politics and and activating this church and saying we’re still going to meet.

And yeah, you know, like that to me, I, I, I never thought I’d see it happen in America. But you guys, this is not like new to God. Like he is grieved by what is happening. He’s grieved by sin because it separates us from him. It separates us from one another in relationships. But it’s also been predicted in his good book. Yeah. So none of us should be shocked, but we should definitely be praying. And just because something’s been predicted and it’s happening doesn’t mean that we just sit by and watch it happen, which is what we’re talking about today. Right. Rejecting passivity and being courageous.

So I wanted to define courage or being courageous for a second. Which courage is that is taking action. Despite being at the end of your strength and faith that God will use his and I think that that’s important because you can define courage differently, this isn’t a definition in the dictionary, but this is how I look at courage. But you could define it differently and say it’s like, well, it’s courage to do things even though you’re fearful of them. And there can be bravado around that. And people can people have courage and do the wrong thing. Oh, yeah. They do it all the time. They do it all the time. Right. Or things that are way too risky and too dangerous and all of these kind of things. But I believe when we’re tapped into God, when the Holy Spirit in us and guiding us and were submitted to the spirit of God, it is taking action despite being at the end of your strength in faith that God will use his.

God always wants to like you guys. Part of why we are even here is to bring glory to God, right? Like he wants to be glorified. He wants his name to be known. And that is our purpose as Christians. Right. As a great commission, collective purpose. We have other purposes as well, each individually. And we’re going to talk about that in the sense of like what is happening right now in America and even in the world is like a battlefield. And there’s even division in the church on topics like masks on all kinds of things. Yeah, there is division happening and it grieves the father. It is not something that we should be bickering about or nit picking about or having a critical spirit of other people about that is not God glorifying. It says in everything you do, try to be at peace, try do your best and try to be at peace with everbody.

Well, there’s a challenge. There’s a challenge. Right now, I’m on several church email lists because we visited churches. There have been part of different churches in our past. And I see the messages from pastors talking about handling division in their own church, about current events and current affairs and opinions about things, political things. And it is appears to be really, really challenging, very divisive right now. Not only have most churches not been meeting, so they don’t have the proximity to loving each other and seeing each other in that way. And then they take sides and then there’s there’s social posts with people fighting politically again and fluence of media and family members.

Right. Like there are brothers against fathers and daughters against mothers, which is also in scripture about and times. There is no denying that things are getting worse here right now. And so let’s just call America the battlefield. And the reality or the world is a battlefield in that sense. And the reality is, is that we’re all a member of the body of Christ and we’ve all been given a different job. That’s true. We all have different jobs. So as we’re sharing, you might sense us giving examples that maybe would go for somebody that is more like us. But we’re going to try to give you guys some other examples of ways that you can be activated and be courageous wherever you are on the battlefield, whether you’re the front line or you’re in the back.

I think people are like, oh, I’m so glad you said that, Angie, because, you know, I just need to know what my role is. I know what can I do right now to stand firm.

And I think that part of it, too, like you guys, we’ve said it a million times.

One of the best ways for a mom. I’m just going to say a mom who has kids in her home, you are in the battlefield in the sense and you are doing the great commission as you’re discipling, your kids. And it’s one of the it is the first jurisdiction. It’s one of the most important things that you could possibly be doing right now. So don’t feel tempted to, like, go out and run for office.

If you have little kids in the home. This may not be your season. Our point is, though, that you still do have a voice. If you have social media, you do still have a voice. If you have a relationship with a neighbor or you have a relationship with a family member. And and can I just say that these are important issues. It’s it’s important to know what is going on in the world and to seek God in prayer and in his word for how we should be actually viewing these things and what stance we should be taking on different things. And we need to teach them to our kids. Like, I just think about everything that’s going on right now and what is going to happen. I keep thinking about 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years from now when I’m 50, 60, 70 and 80. Yeah. Who’s going to be the young people that are like our generation now, the in the forties going into different seats of influence. Right. Like and what what is it going to look like? It’s going to impact our freedoms. It’s going to impact even the ability to share the gospel because that’s under attack.

Amen. Amen. So let’s go into what the problem is.

There’s a big problem today and. You guys are going to be kind of I don’t know when I say this, some people might get a little defensive, passive Christianity, passive Christianity.

And what we mean by passive is, you know, there are a lot of verses in churches that will preach one side of the gospel, right? Here’s an example of passive Christianity, a pastor who shares half the gospel, he says, come as you are. Jesus loves you.

And that’s it, not come as you are, now go and sin no more.

Right, right. So there’s a lot more to the gospel, you guys. But my point is, is there’s a lot of churches out there that are teaching half truths. Yeah, they’re teaching half gospels. It’s also known oftentimes as seeker friendly, watered down messages. Now, can you be can you be welcoming to people who are seeking for the gospel while not being passive in teaching the full truth? Of course you can. But the reality is, is that many churches do struggle with this and it is a form of passive Christianity. Yeah, another form of passive Christianity would be the issue that Charlie Kirk actually brought up in the in this last week. And I was like, oh, my goodness, people have to know. What he was talking about was called self centered censorship. So good. He said there’s an epidemic of self censorship. So think about what self censorship is, right?

It’s where you choose not to speak up.

When you see something that is a lie, you choose not to comment, to defend someone or to defend the truth. You choose not to share the gospel because maybe you have families, family members that are not Christian. You choose not to hold on to your boundaries in parenting because you’re scared that you’re going to offend the non Christian neighbors next door.

Yeah, you choose not to share your political conviction like who you’re going to vote for because you’re afraid of what men will think of you.

And if you’re a pastor or you’re an influencer or you have a group of people that you lead or something like that, here’s something I wrote down in preparation, however you build, it determines what you have to do to keep the peace. So however you build it, how was the church built on what kind of messages and sharing everything you believe biblically or only what’s palatable to the new person coming in however you build it is what you have to keep doing to keep the peace. I think about that we when when God prompted us to do courageous parenting and resolute man and courageous mom, we felt it was very important from the beginning to be 100 percent true to who we are, what we believe the Bible says about anything and everything, because otherwise we would have to constantly be hiding part of what we believe to keep you happy. So could that happen in some of the churches is the reason some of the churches and the pastors are not speaking boldly for, say, supporting a President Trump who has been backing things that are biblical policies in major ways, the most pro-life president we’ve had, for example, and all these reasons. We’ll do another episode on the election, OK? You’re going to see us get it more political because we have these next 40 days that are critical.

Well, and OK. Can I just bring that up again? This is us not choosing not to be passive. And again, like Isaac always says, you don’t have to agree with everything that we do, every policy that we have a stance on all those things. However, there are some things that I do believe you can’t possibly be a Christian if you disagree with certain things, like pro-life is one of those. Like, I just can’t I can’t even fathom that.

Now, that’s just one issue of many we can list off probably a dozen reasons why we are voting for Trump. And we can easily, in another episode talk about, well, how do you handle his behavior in some of these?

I’m not voting for Jesus. Trump is not a perfect man. I’m voting for policy.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. She is a beautiful document you can download that Will has some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to parenting dotcom and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, a courageous parenting dotcom. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. But Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based.

And just some really great practical applications, this class has just really rocked my world, it has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation. So we’ll talk more about that in another episode. However, I do want to say something regarding politics just before we move on to politics. This dawned on me last night when we were just communicating, downloading. We are having a great conversation. And it just dawned on me, just as parents, they see their kids and they go, OK, we’ve been teaching this that sin is a symptom of our greater heart problem, OK? Politics and policy is a greater symptom of a spiritual problem. Yeah, it’s the fruit of the spiritual condition of the people who pass the laws, who disregard the laws, who want to, I’ll say it, defund police and allow lawlessness. OK, there is an immediate need for Christians to understand at a deep level that you can’t separate or compartmentalize Jesus out of parts of your life. He wants to be a part of every aspect of what you are, who you are, your family is your legacy and even what you believe politically.

Yeah, and his word actually has a lot to say about everything.

You guys, our founding forefathers, they weren’t perfect men. No, but they did some amazing work in trying to establish the Constitution. The

Constitution is incredible.

The Bill of Rights to actually give freedom to protect freedoms.

Right. And and, you know, Rob McCoy, I’m not sure was the pastor. One of them said liberty isn’t a man’s idea. It’s God’s idea. Mm hmm. But man’s idea would be the opposite, right? It would be oppression. The enemy’s idea actually is bondage. He was out to steal, kill and destroy. And we see a lot of that happening, like what is happening with the looting.

It’s stealing. It’s killing businesses. It’s destroying.

So so why is there self-censorship happening where we censor ourselves? It’s because of a bully mindset of a group of people, of part of the society that a bully mindset of the mainstream media, which is if you believe X, then we are going to destroy you. People are fearing, you know, loss of relationships and even some of their churches, probably pastors are feeling losing some of the flock.

so with all those fears looming over them, what are those people potentially doing now? We get that not all people are doing this because a lot of you guys, you like and appreciate courageous parenting because you do live courageously and love that. Yeah, but the reality is a lot of people get affected by what you were just saying, like the thought of losing a job if they were to post on their personal Facebook or anything regarding. Yeah. Congratulating the new announcement for the Supreme Court justice. Right. Like anything, it doesn’t even have to be about Trump. Trump doesn’t have to be in the title, like if it’s in support of anything he’s done even or like people out there are literally scared to share stuff a lot of people are. And so we need to be praying that people don’t.

And so that as I’ve been in those situations and I have I’m so thankful that God has taken me out of being in situations where I can’t fully proclaim the truth and what I believe because of concern of how I provide for my family. And if that’s you, you may prayerfully consider what God has for you to shift and it might be over the next two or three years. But we’re in uncertain times. I would definitely give that a thought. If you can’t actually stand for truth in the ways you feel called to because of the fear of being bullied or losing your job or losing friendships, then how good are those friendships anyways? How good if you can’t be yourself and stand for truth in your church, how good is that community? For you and your family anyways, and I think it’s so important that we are putting ourselves in situations where we can be bold, where we can be biblical, where we can stand for truth, where we can share who we’re voting for, for president.

Right. I mean, I’ll just say that was one of the really encouraging things just being where we were when we were visiting Idaho to see to see Trump flags on trucks where they weren’t vandalized.

Right. But not only that, you guys, we also saw Biden signs. Yeah. And I and I don’t look at that. And I don’t I don’t go, oh, boo. Like, I’m not voting people. I’m not so full of each other. That’s my point, is that they felt safe enough to still put that sign out, whereas there are portions of this country where no one feels safe to actually have a sign out because they think that their house will get burned down or their windows will get broken. And that’s not OK. And that actually shows you the character behind the different parties does actually at a very deep level because the people represent leadership. What does that and remember, the Times says attitude reflects the leadership. Yeah, I love that.

I love that statement. I do want to share with you guys from Second Timothy one seven, but I’m actually in read six to it says, therefore, I remind you to stir up the gift of God, which is in you through laying on of hands. We’re not able to lay our hands on you guys right now, but we are trying to stir you up out of passivity and into action, whether that action is praying for the Saints and encouraging other people who are in the positions that actually can take authority or if it is asking you to be more bold, says for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind, I think a sound mind. And I think back to Romans twelve. And how how do we get a renewed mind through the reading of the word? And so we have to be in the word. It’s not about opinions, it’s about God’s truth. And then in psalm 1:27 sorry. It says unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. And I just I think of those scriptures and I go, wow, where is our country?

Like for a lot of the founding fathers, they were believers and they did love God.

And they so much so that they wanted him to be honored in the Constitution. They wanted him to be the under everything, to be under God, right. One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. And what is the opposite happening? There isn’t liberty and justice happening for all you know, how is censorship hurting you?

Because that is a goal is to to the, you know, big the big social media giants. You guys know that story. Censorship is a big deal against conservative ideas, against Christian principles in these kinds of things. And you have to really think about where are you being censored? And it’s preventing you from doing what you know and feel is right to do right now. I mean, this was said by Charlie Kirk is something along the lines of the left has been they’ve been activated, activated, and they’re activists. And I’m not even saying in a negative way. They’re activists, meaning they’re involved there. People are involved. Right.

They’re the ones holding all the volunteer positions in the schools. They’re coaching the sports. They’re doing all the things they’re getting in. They’re not saying that Christians aren’t doing that to conservatives aren’t doing that, too.

But but overall, he’s making the statement that the conservatives, the faith based people are not activated and in the political sphere. And so what you’re seeing is an overtaking rate of activity.

And I will say there are conservatives, guys, I don’t want you to misunderstand us. We don’t think that all conservatives are Christians, right? Not at all. There are non believing conservatives that are out there, and a lot of them are the ones that are actually activated. Yeah, what we’re saying is that the conservatives that are also Christian are the ones that are more passive and not activated and not standing up.

So I wonder if your doctrine or what’s being preached to you is causing a submission to allowing whatever happens happens in the world. And so just think about that. Is that or are you realizing and feeling more? And so how can I be involved to make a difference? And you know what? Sometimes it might be just saying who you’re voting for and sometimes it might be donating to a specific cause. It might be volunteering for the local school or volunteering in something in the communities.

One hears one. If you live near a city where there has been looting, maybe God wants you to donate to repair that small business owners window. No, right there. Because I’m telling you, the reality is, is a lot of people who are getting attacked. Physically and getting hurt and their businesses are being looted and it’s they are not actually getting the justice right. And the truth is that if we as the if the good people who actually are willing to call it for what it is, which is then aren’t willing to actually stand up and say this is not OK.

This is against what’s right, and we’re not going to just sit by and let it continue happening until people, good people stop being quiet. And I’m just sharing with you guys like I’ve been convicted of this. I have believed a lot of these things for a very long time. But I am convicted that being in Oregon my whole life, I’ve been I’ve been passive. I’ve not been activated other than just turning in my vote. And so and I’m not saying that I’m jumping into politics or anything like that.

I’m just saying that what I what I’m saying this is not to be condemning of anybody. There’s no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but there is conviction by the Holy Spirit.

And we need to stop and we need to really reflect and go, God, why did you put me in this generation and how am I supposed to play a part in somehow protecting the freedoms of people so that we can actually even preach the gospel?

Because that’s what’s happening next. And part of it could be watching political videos with your children, talking about politics. Oftentimes in culture, whether the two things were never supposed to talk about religion or religion and politics, we actually believe those are the two things that should be talked about the most. Right. At least educating your kids and things like that, because the political landscape makes a big difference now in the end. God is what matters and our allegiance is to God. And we shouldn’t make politics an idol or something like that. Right, right. Right.

That’s not the impression, I would say to that. Like, while I’m saying I’ve been convicted that I haven’t spoken out on things, it’s by no means want anyone to misunderstand. Like oh Angie doesn’t have an opinion on those things. No. Do I have a lot of opinions, but I do censor my own opinions. Sometimes the self-censorship has been actually because of fear of what people would think, and I’m ashamed of that. And I’m just admitting it publicly. And at the same time, sometimes it’s discernment and going, you know what? I don’t feel like this is the message that God wants me specifically to share. And for a long time, I have felt like God was primarily calling me just to encourage mothers in their role, their biblical roles. That’s it. Yeah. And now I’m starting to see that there’s like there’s all these things that I’ve been doing for the last 20 years with our kids and raising them to where they would actually be passionate about protecting the unborn, speaking up for freedom and different things like that.

But at the same time, not overarching your freedoms to where your lawless. Right. Like there’s a difference between protecting your freedom, but also the freedom within the limits that are true right. Like when people say, let’s just take freedom of speech, for example, freedom of speech is a wonderful thing and we are one hundred percent for protecting that. But the Constitution, the Bill of Rights actually protects people by saying, but you can’t just go around preaching lies about people on purpose. I’m telling you lies. And so that is something that is like that freedom of speech within the limits that protect people. That is what I stand for, not just for anybody saying whatever they want, even if it’s fake news. Right. And so you have to understand what the actual Bill of Rights say to know clearly what your rights are and what is good and true.

And we did an episode on that. So look back.

It was during Memorial Day weekend.

Yeah. So you can check that out. But let’s talk about the solution. And so we talked about the problem of self-censorship and the bullying and passive passive Christianity and not a full understanding of biblical truth.

And I think the part of passive Christianity, too, is like people speaking and preaching the gospel, but not living it. They’re not actually living what they’re teaching because that’s part of passive Christianity. Right.

Is like you’re not doing because James, two, says exactly what it says is faith without works, is dead and works without faith is dead. Right, essentially. And so clearly we need both. Yeah. Like people are going to probably come to know Jesus more by what we do than what we say.

That Scripture is saying because of your faith, there will be fruit from it of good works. Yes. And if there aren’t good works, then you might be questioning. It’s a symptom, you guys.

Everything that we do or don’t do is a symptom of a greater heart problem. And to be introspective about it is important. And it doesn’t just isn’t something that we do as parents with our kids when we’re like, OK, but where’s your heart when you hate your brother? Right. Like, yeah, it’s something that we have to do to ourselves over and over again to one another. Marriage in biblical friendship. You do that. You have accountability of people speaking into your life.

I think the solution is we have to look where we need to break out of our comfort zones, are you too comfortable? Are you insulating, are you protecting, are you decreasing how much you proclaim biblical truth on the Internet? Are you decreasing what you talk about amongst people? Are you not going to support the president publicly but secretly put in a ballot? You know, these kinds of things? Why does that exist? Are you really living free if you’re allowing that to happen? See, I think in a lot of ways we have a choice on how freely we live in America. It’s your choice now. If you exercise your freedom and you share what’s on your mind in love in some ways, are you going to get some persecution or you get some feedback? Sure. But you know what? I would rather live free and deal with some of that than not. Mhm. Right.

Yeah, it’s true. I just want to read from James to real quick, it says in verse 18, but someone will say you have faith and I have works. Show me your faith without your works and I will show you my faith by my works. Verse 19 says you believe that there is one God you do well, even demons believe in Trumbull. But do you not know a foolish man that faith without works is dead? And then it continues on talking about Abraham, our father, being justified anyway.

So this is a really important passage of scripture for understanding the importance of like actually living out what you believe. And this is where parents either pass on their faith or they don’t because they’re hypocrites by saying they believe something and not actually doing it.

Yeah. And then maybe you could reach out in your local area and see what groups are being formed to support conservative ideas during this election cycle or conservative people. Maybe your kids could go fold envelopes at some center that’s sending out things to voters.

Or maybe they write a really cute letter and they send it to a local legislator saying thank you for protecting our homeschooling rights are thank you for not making vaccinations.

You know, something that we all have to do or whatever it is that your your heart is fighting for or praying for, like you need to teach that to your kids and then encourage the people who actually do make the laws and protect the laws.

And we do believe you need to be politically activated. We don’t know what that means for you. That’s for you to decide as citizens, we all need to be politically activated. And so what does that mean for you? Right now? We have about forty days until the election. We got this Supreme Court justice is going to get battled right now. But she’s, you know, seems to be a strong believer in pro-life and very, very positive things and a dedicated mom.

You know, and again, like this is a thing, you guys, we we understand that when we bring up people like Charlie Kirk or Rob McCoy. Right. Like or even Amy. Right.

And we’re like pro them right now. We’re praying for them. We don’t have a personal relationship with them and know how they interact with their family and know, like what the integrity of their lives are.

And but we are praying for them. And you should be praying for them too that. At the least, that’s the action that you should be taking. And because they are up against a wire, they are going to be tempted. The devil is trying to catch them and he’s scheming because that’s what he does. Yeah. And we need to be aware that all the things that are happening right now, lawlessness, cancel culture, blame shifting fake news. It’s all sin, it is all sin and sin is bondage.

And Jesus died to set us free from bondage. And so are we as Christians. Just going to stand by while more bondage is put on God’s people, or are we going to stand up with our voices proclaiming Christ and goodness and loving people? Well, while also saying, hey, my voice matters and I’m going to stand up for truth.

And I realize there’s people from all over the world listening. So just take these same thoughts towards what’s happening in your own countries. And I’m sure you’re dealing with a lot of the same things. And when I say that I love the United States of America, if I lived where you lived, I would probably say I love Australia or something like, yeah, so. But I don’t know. But but I definitely love the United States of America. I love our Constitution and the protections in it. I love the how it was set up to create freedom for all people and how everybody’s equal in God’s eyes, all races, everything. And so and we just really believe that it’s important. And we have an incredible it’s exciting, most exciting time ever to be alive. And we can tell our kids that we should tell our kids they should not be fearful of the world. But sometimes we are fearful of the world when we’re not activated, when we don’t do something about it, even if, you know, you might think, well, what good is it going to do? Maybe none, but. You know what it does to you, you know it does to your family, it makes you hopeful and it tells your kids that we are people that take action towards righteousness and towards good things.

That’s right. I just want to leave you with a thought. It’s about self-censorship because I think this is like the biggest thing, right? Like people if you drive around in Oregon, you’re going to see a lot of biden bumper stickers and you’re not going to see a lot of Trump stuff. Right, because they could get their cars destroyed. And I’m not saying go get a Trump bumper sticker. That’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to evaluate if there are things that you have censored because you don’t actually feel the freedom to be truly, openly who you are, with your friends, with your family in your neighborhood, even at your church, even at your church, especially at your church. And I want to just bring something up that’s very important. We need to understand that humility equals no self censorship. And let me just explain to you what I mean. If you are censoring yourself, it’s because you’re afraid of what other people think and you’re protecting your ego. You’re protecting your reputation, which is not biblical to do that, right? Yes.

When I say censorship, I don’t mean self-control. Like, we should have self-control. We need to raise the bar higher. We need to like the other side is not having self-control over what they’re saying.

They’re printing things that are fake all the time, not doing do-diligence. Right. And they have an agenda. So we get to shine the light by being slow to speak about things. How long have I been in ministry like 12 years online?

This is the first time I’ve talked about politics. Yeah, talk about slow to speak. OK, they’re slow to speak. Slow to anger. It doesn’t mean not to be angry. Like there are things that like there is a righteous anger that babies are being murdered every day. It’s OK to grieve that and to be angry that that’s happening and that people are funding it and trying to get people to have abortions. It’s OK to be angry about that kind of stuff. It’s OK to be angry about injustices. Right. But we need to be quick to listen, slow to anger, slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen.

But self-censorship is not the same thing.

And so we need to evaluate that. We need to discern we need to be wise, have people speaking into our life and God calls us out of our comfort zone. If you’re walking in him, he’s probably got some awesome adventures for you in the future.

And I encourage you to listen to our last episode that talks about the challenge we’re facing, because if you want to know how to pray for us, you have to watch the whole thing hour and 54 minutes. If you want to have an opinion about what we’re doing, please don’t talk to us or message us until you’ve watched that. nd if after watching it, you have a different opinion. We’re OK hearing it. But what we have experienced is once people understand what actually is true and what actually is happening, we’re getting overwhelming support. And it is so encouraging because right now we are fighting to keep courageous parenting going. Why? Because if there’s slander, that’s not true. That leads to very dangerous things about our ministry, about what God is doing on the Internet, then that will deter people away from the ministry. And at some point we will not be able to continue. And so this is a battle for even truth, biblical truth, being able to be proclaimed and preached on the Internet. We are not going to recede, but we need your help. And this is a fight. So please pray for us. Please go to the courageous parenting and donate the so great to see all the people coming in and supporting us with action.

That’s right. Someone sent me a message that said Love is action and behind you expect a donation. I was like, whoa, that’s super convicting. But you know what? There’s a lot of other actions to you guys. Grace is an action. Yeah, grace is forgiveness. And it literally is a verb that you have to purpose to do. And I just want to encourage you guys that, like if you watch the other video, know that we have been praying for both of the women involved. Absolutely. All the whole time. And we’ve already forgiven them already. But just like when you forgive, like your family member who sins against you. Right. Like you, you don’t just let them continue in their sin if you love them because you understand that that sin is bondage and there is a truth. The truth will set you free. And so there are natural consequences to sin. And we don’t protect people from experiencing those because that’s God’s lovingly loving way of.

But we’re out and we’re absolutely seeing God’s favor in the actions we’re taking. We’re seeing him open up doors. And even in our move, it’s just been incredible. And we’ll talk more about that in another. The episode, so we owe you a couple episodes coming up, we’re definitely talk about why we’re pro Trump and in those kinds of things coming.

Yeah, God bless you guys. Take care. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode.

For more resources, go to CourageousParenting.com And CourageousMom.comFor free online workshops, blog posts and best selling courses. Also, we wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting mentor program, Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week we release a video with the downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

This is an incredible self-paced program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s a supportive community. You’ll have access to our private online group, Live Webcast and the courageous parenting text message line.

Where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone if you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentor program to secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

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  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

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  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

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  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Weekly Tip and Date Night One Sheet!

Scripture In This Episode:

2 Timothy 3:1-5 – “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”

Ephesians 5:15-17 – “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Proverbs 28:1 – “The wicked flee when no one pursues, But the righteous are bold as a lion.”

John 13:6 – “Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

  Social Media For Christians – BE COURAGEOUS app

  • Exclusive access to the courageous kid’s podcast. Play it for your kids to stir up good discussions.
  • Monthly LIVE Q&A with the Tolpins; ask the anything.
  • Powerful Biblically minded community.
  • Topic-based discussion groups.
  • You get your own profile and can connect with others.
  • Resources on marriage, parenting, homeschooling, pregnancy/birth, and more.

  We look forward to engaging with you on the inside!

  FREE COURAGEOUS PARENTING WORKSHOP

  

  Relevant Resource Links:

  • The Homeschooling Blueprint, the online program to boost your effectiveness & help your kids thrive.

  • Parenting Mentor Program, A 6-Week, self-paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model

  • Postpartum Course, The First-Ever Christian Postpartum Course!

  • FREE Courageous Parenting Workshop; Get the Parenting Packet Download!

  If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

  • Financial Giving, is important to support our family and expand the impact of the ministry. We aim to impact 10 million families and their legacies. We are in full-time ministry as a family of 9 at home, so everything makes a difference. 

  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting podcast, the weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married 20 years and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically.

Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

This is a very special episode. We are doing something we’ve never done before, which is announcing that we are strategically relocating. So we wanted to share the ins and outs about it. Some philosophies we have biblical truth and conversations that we’ve been having and the reasons why we were moving. If you don’t know, we live in Oregon. That’s right. So there’s a lot happening in the world right now. And so we’re talking about why we are strategically relocating our family to another state.

That’s right. So just a little back history maybe before we dive into these conversations. Isaac and I have been married for almost 21 years. Yeah, like a week or so. And I know and we have lived in Oregon our entire marriage. On a little side note, you may not know about me. I grew up in Oregon, so I have lived my entire life with the exception of my years in college when I went to college in Canada and did overseas missions. But I’ve been here, the majority of it.

I grew up in Washington State. So were Pacific Northwest.

Yes. Kind of upbringing. That’s right. And we we love the climate.

Yeah, we I mean, mostly I can’t say loved all the rain. Oh yeah, that’s true. The Portland and Washington areas. But yeah, that’s why we that’s why we moved to central Oregon. Right. Then, which we love the climate here.

Right now we have a bunch of smoke because of all the fires.

But it is a beautiful place and event we’ve been to, I don’t know, forty five states in the last three years, something like that.

Yeah. And then even more than that, I think we there’s only been two states that you and I haven’t actually been in.

A band is actually one of the most amazing places to live with. Lakes real close rivers all four seasons, wonderful summers and springs, snowboarding, boarding forty minutes away, just really, you know, tons of sunshine. I mean, it’s sun shining over 250 days a year, some form or fashion.

So it’s we don’t make our decision on where we’re going to be. Right. Based just just on that. And so we thought that we would share this little insider scoop on our life with you guys. But it’s more about the conversation and how we came to the decision to move that we want to share with you guys. And so part of this is that some of you may be thinking the same kind of thing or wondering if this is the time. Right. And so we thought that by sharing our conversation with you, it would be an encouragement to you, maybe a challenge for some of you.

You might have people, friends, people you love who live in places where you really think they should move more to a place like where you live. Maybe you’re totally happy with where you live. Right. And you feel like it matches all the things we’re talking about. So but this might be helpful to share with other people.

Right. So as we’re going through this, we do not want anyone to feel pressure to have to think like we do know on these topics. But we are going to be sharing with you guys this process, because I think a lot of times couples don’t necessarily think and talk through all of the different topics we’re going to cover today. Yeah, and so Isaac and I, our heart is to be transparent with you guys so that you guys know what’s going on in our life. We like to share that with you as well.

And I just want to say there is a big difference between acting and fear and acting in wisdom. And two people can be doing the very same thing and one of them could be acting in fear. And that’s wrong. And one of them could be acting in wisdom, which could be right, right. So it’s really important to understand that. And if you’ve listened to our episodes, I think you already trust and believe that we don’t act in fear. Do we fear sometimes. Yeah, we’re human beings, absolutely. But God has not given us spirit. We never make big decisions in fear. In fact, we believe, and we’ve said this before, that making decisions and fear almost always leads to a bad decision. So we really feel pressing to do this from the spirit and lots of other reasons. And we’ve experienced the open doors upon moving our navigation of this.

So so this is really, really interesting. So you don’t want to listen to this. Just make a decision out of fear, because we will talk about some things that could create fear. We’re not saying them because we’re fearful. We’re just stating facts that we are seeing.

Yeah. So there’s a difference. Like Isaac and I have been talking about the difference between being too optimistic or too pessimistic. Right. And where we always try to land and this is our are we try to hold each other accountable to this is in reality, we really want to be known from our people who know as well as being realists, realistic, not necessarily people who are going too far down, the conspiracy theorist right road, but at the same time not being so optimistic that we’re we’re wearing rose tinted glasses. Right. We want to be realists. And so there is a need for us to find balance, to be grounded in the truth, to filter everything through the word of God, but also take our glasses off and be willing to see the hard, real things that are happening in reality.

And by the way, we are absolutely pro-government. If someone’s not pro-government, you’re not pro United States. Yeah, because the Constitution, the backing of our government is why our country is so amazing. I love our country is it perfect no.

It’s got a bunch of imperfect people in it.

And if you’re in a different country, I hope you love your country. And and we probably love your country, too. So we love the world. We have God’s heart for his people. Absolutely. So there’s a big difference in that. And in uncertain times, you know, we always had this desire to just really dig in deep roots.

And I think that that’s more me than anyone.

Well, I’ve God has shifted me to dig deep roots and to really nurture friendships that are long lasting and forever and be in community with those friendships and just grow old together in the same place. Right. We really desire that. Yeah. And although that was our desire, you know, we’re in a church this is back in the day where we believe, oh, this is where we’re going to grow roots. And then the church disbands after some time. and it’s no longer.

That’s actually happened a couple times, that’s happened a couple of times.

Right. And so sometimes in what increasingly as we move forward into accelerated end times, that’s our opinion from reading the Bible and seeing what’s going on.

But we have come to the conclusion that sometimes you can be more flexible today.

Yeah, I think that there is an importance for teaching your kids loyalty in relationships with people. And you have to do that mainly by modeling it. Right.

But at the same time, being willing to not make an idol out of those relationships or the city you live in or the house that maybe you’ve built, or I mean, that’s not our case. But, you know, being willing to go where God is calling you to go, even if it seems kind of weird to some people.

But also, I would say to that, you know, as we’ve been talking about this, you if you’re a person that is questioning this for yourself, I just want to encourage you don’t look to us for the answer and what God wants for you, because he has a different will for every person, every family, and it’s not cookie cutter in that way. And so as we go through these different points and reasons why we’re moving, we don’t want those to become your reasons. Rather, we want you to evaluate and to prayerfully consider. OK, so if this is an issue, is God called me to either go from this place or has he called me to rise up where I am? Because those are really your only two options as a believer, right? Like in that sense, we aren’t to just be and not be activated. Right. We are all here for the glory of God and we should be activated in different. There are many different roles. You don’t have to be get political. Yeah, right. Like maybe you’re in ministry, maybe you’re serving people practically in the homeless community, whatever it is. But the point is, is like what is God gifted you with and are you activated where you should be, or is God calling you to be activated somewhere else?

And that’s true. God could be activating you to be right where you are, to be the salt and the light and to do the things you’re supposed to do. And you might be calling you do those things elsewhere. And so it’s really good just to look at this. I think a lot of people are right now. There’s more people moving than ever. And I’m not seeing all those moves are right and justified. No, but obviously covid the way the world is right now. Lots of different situations, obviously, job changes, losing jobs, all of that.

There’s some really practical reasons and there’s some spiritual reasons. There are political reasons that for some people become a spiritual thing, right. Where they can’t stand behind the law that’s passed or whatever.

We did an evaluation because we technically. Could move anywhere in the United States. Yeah, and so we’re in that place where there’s an amount of freedom from geography just because of what we do for work and ministry.

And so we we really and this is a relatively new thing for us in our marriage, like in two years. Yeah. So we just really thought, OK, there’s a lot of disruption right now. What is God calling us to do? Where does he want us? And let’s look at every place.

Just be open. Yeah. And I think that for me, I’ll be real honest. You guys like and I know Isaac feels this way, too. We absolutely love the relationships and friendships that we have here. Absolutely. Our church family is amazing. And and we have actually chosen to stay where we were for those people in past circumstances where we were also faced with should we move or not, because this isn’t the first time in the last five or six years. Yeah. And we just really had to listen to the Lord and what was best for our family in that season we were in. And you guys like but at the same time. Well, it’s good to do that. It’s also good to challenge yourself, to think have I am I making all of my decisions based upon that one thing, or am I putting that as a higher priority than, like what’s best for my family or what’s best for our legacy or different things like that?

And so that’s where we go. And we would just want to share with you guys from Second Timothy, chapter three one through five. We’re just going to share some verses that we’ve been thinking about. We’re actually there are some others, too, but this is kind of a big topic. So we’re not going to get to all of them today.

The second Timothy three verse one through five says “but know this, that in the last days, perilous times will come” boy isnt that true. “For men, will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving slanderers without self-control, brutal despisers of good, traitor’s, headstrong Hoddy lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away,” there’s a little more.

Ok, so “for of this there are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins led away by various lusts, Always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

That that part is interesting.

Always learning but never come to the knowledge of the truth is there’s a lot of information that is out there today, a lot of false news also. Right. And so when people consume themselves over and over again with things that are untrue, it can be deceptive. And the Bible definitely warns us about wolves in sheep’s clothing, false teachers, false doctrines, doctrines of demons, all kinds of things like we have to be on high alert for these things. We have to be teaching our kids how to recognize them also.

Yeah, absolutely. So it’s it’s this stuff is happening. And you guys know we have a large family and we just came to a question in our minds that as we’re contemplating praying about this, looking at things is.

We have older kids now, would we recommend to our older kids when they get married to raise a family here to raise a family here? Yeah, and then we’re like, no.

And then we looked at each other and went, well, why are we doing it then?

Why are we doing it? You guys know us. We never want to be hypocritical. We never want to be setting the wrong example. And it’s really important. So we’re going to go into the reasons in a second. But first of all, I just want to thank you for being part of the ministry, part of the One Million Legacies movement, the reviews, written reviews we read, every one of them, the stars. I’ll take the tab on iTunes and elsewhere to give us five stars. And that’s not for our ego. That is for the expansion. And more people coming to know the ministry and being impacted. And we received so many messages, all kinds of things on social media. So thank you for sharing. We know when you share your part of that movement, we try to thank you as much as possible. And it’s a really big deal. Also on CourageousParenting.com Is where all the resources are for the podcast and other resources as a free workshop. There’s also the things that you can join, like the Parent Mentor program, which has helped over 600 married couples and single moms as well to really help their parenting. We’ve had a couple. That’s right. And also the home schooling blueprint, which is really inspiration, practical knowledge, to get yourself on the best path for your unique family, not a blueprint of what we’ve done exactly, but more for what’s going to be best for you and to help you make those decisions. So all of that’s there. And there’s also a place to donate on CourageousParenting.com, and that is how we are able to do all this free content and do all the mainstream. Yeah. Anyway, so let’s dive in.

So as we’re talking about these things, so first of all, we wanted to in decision making, we have always tried to be proactive versus reactive in our parenting and that that filters down into the parental decisions that you make. There’s so many lifestyle decisions that you make. Right. And we have been anticipating more and more changes to be occurring here in Oregon where we live because we’re talking about how we’re strategically relocating. We are moving. And so that has caused us to go OK. So when would be a good time for us to move? When does God want us to move? Right. We’ve been praying specifically for doors to open where he wants us to be and for doors to close where he doesn’t want us to be. And wow, that has been a huge there have been huge answers to prayer in both of those regards and unique opportunities for potentially buying a house to, you know, ministry. Yeah, I mean, all kinds of really wowing things. Relationships. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And so but I think that being proactive versus reactive, maybe you want to talk about that for a second.

Well, we in business and in marriage and raising the family, I’ve always tried to look at the trends and where things are going because like in business or in raising your family, if you can know the trends and make decisions earlier, you can benefit from where things are going and you can prevent yourself from dealing with more difficulty that’s undue, not needed. So that’s really important as CEO of a company or a leader in an organisation to be able to do that. And we’ve always done that in our marriage and we’ve done that raising our kids. And so it’s making a decision before you have to make a decision.

So imagine for a second if something like really wild happened near central Oregon and we had to move really quickly, like tomorrow, like we had to move immediately for the safety of our kids. Now it’s just really hard with a big family like, well, it’s hard for any family. Right. And so but yeah, there are ten of us in our family. Right. Mean we have a lot of Kelsi stuff here, even though she’s a college. Yeah. And so the reality is, is we would rather move and let it be something that is a more calm experience versus something that’s a more intense experience.

Right. Yeah. And I think that that for us transition, we’ve always tried to purposefully engage transition in a manner where it’s like everybody’s on board and there’s a plan and we’re moving forward. And obviously we hold that plan flexible for God to move. But, you know, the reality is, is I’d much rather be moving in a climate. Yeah, right. That’s not a bunch of snow, for example. So we want to move before snow, things like that. And so there’s a lot to consider.

Yeah. So we’re going to go into the reasons here in the first one is restrictions on personal freedoms in one way or another. We’re all experiencing that feeling. That’s true. Yeah, in different levels. But in some places there’s a trend of that increasing in a deeper way and in other places is a trend of that, actually decreasing.

Or staying minimized, and I would say that it’s not that there’s it’s it’s been minimized, it’s that people are actually standing up for their rights and what is actually written in the Constitution and in the Bill of Rights. And they’re living it out. And so those rights are more protected, actually.

So we want to be around a larger group of people that are standing up for our rights.

Right. And so for us, for example, like this is if you could give this podcast another name, it would be moving somewhere where people are more pro constitution and more pro bill of Rights. Yeah, right. And the reality is, as things here in the Oregon climate, which are very similar but not identical to the rest of the West Coast, but the reality is there is a form of lawlessness that is corrupting the culture. I’m just going to be honest and we’ll get into that.

Yeah. Some of the personal freedoms that we want to talk about is education rights. Right. A lot of people are thinking about that. It’s, you know, just even if it’s not just about home schooling, but do we have the choice to do that?

And and and again, remember, the main question that got us to even be open to moving was, can we recommend that our kids raise their families here?

Now, of course, they’re going to choose to live wherever they go or 10 years from now, five to 10 years from now and going. What’s it going to be like then based on the trends?

Right. But what I’ve seen is that, like, our kids can move anywhere they’re going to rolling. Right. Like they’re their own people. When they’re an adult, we are going to support them wherever they are. But let’s look at the reality. The reality is, is wherever someone goes to college, sometimes there’s a huge percentage of those kids that end up staying where they’re college is. Right. Then there’s the people who most people actually end up living, where they grow up, where their parents lived. And so we have to consider that.

And I would hate to have them not come home or want to live where we’re living just because it’s not a wise place to live.

Right. Even if they wanted to. So that’s that’s important. But they have the freedom to move wherever they want. Yeah. So education rights, forced vaccinations. We’ve had a lot of people ask us, hey, can you talk about vaccinations? And this isn’t an episode on that because that’s a deep and heavy topic that we might tackle someday. Takes a lot of prep work. Yeah, but forced vaccinations of things that are haven’t been well tested and all the challenges. We don’t want to be in a place where there’s a high potential for that.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. She is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night. To just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, a CourageousParenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. But Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just a really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like how our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation. Right. And so here we are in September, OK. And during 2020, the year of covid. Right. Knowing that there are people out there that are trying to create a vaccination when the reality is, is doctors don’t even know how to treat it. So how can they create a vaccination when they don’t know how to treat it well. Right. Or prevent it. And so the reality is for us, I mean, we’re also pro health. I like to call it pro health. So that means we haven’t vaccinated our kids. Right. And that’s been a choice that we’ve been growing in over the. He is super healthy and the reality is, is we want to have the right to choose what goes in our body and not be forced to have to be forced to have something put in our bodies. Right. And so and we want our kids to have that same option, that same choice, if they can. Right. So if moving somewhere delays a forced vaccination by even a decade, is it worth it in my mind? Yeah, it sure is. Right. And so that’s just one other reason.

This another interesting thing is rationing of food. There is a high potential of food challenges as we go into the fall and even in the spring.

And we’ve even experienced that with covid.

Yeah, just distribution channels and other reasons for it. And but but we really were made aware of that during the covid when we go to the store and we can only buy one dozen eggs, which actually doesn’t feed our family for one breakfast.

Now we go through almost three or no.

Now, you could say, well, you need to prepare for that. Absolutely.

How do you do that, though? You spend your entire day going from one store to the next door to the next door, buying one dozen eggs at each of the stores.

So as things clamp down and there’s further food shortages, that could happen anywhere for sure. But there are certain places where it’s less likely to happen.

So really, on that note, I miss having our chickens.

Yeah, my chickens are going again and then shutting down the economy. Obviously, that was a nationwide thing for a period of time. But there are certain states that are more prone to shut down the economy. And we are really pro business and believe that there’s a lot of times more harm than good in doing that. We need to be careful about things. But I’ve been an entrepreneur for 20 years. And you were involved with me in that? Yeah, a lot of ways. And I just think that we still are. I am very sensitive to business owners and how hard it is to build a business and how disruptive it is when government intercedes too much. And so I we are very pro-business and we want to be in a place that’s pro-business. And, you know, I’ve always been sensitive and careful the leadership that I subject myself to in a subject, my family, too. And in a real way, it’s becoming even more intransparent in our lives of how much the governors and politicians actually do influence us. And I’m just not going to stay any longer in a place where I can’t respect leadership.

Right. And I mean, that may not necessarily always be the case where we’re moving either, but we can respect a lot more than where we are currently. We want to be able to obey the scripture that talks about being able to submit to authorities. Absolutely. And if we have a choice of being in a place where submitting to authorities is a lot easier for us than and we have the opportunity to move, then why would we stay somewhere where it’s difficult and where we are? That’s just our perspective. Right. And so trying to be at peace with everyone, that scripture is something that has been on my heart for a long time.

A small thing, just a little thing. But it’s just interesting how businesses have to be closed at 10 p.m. where we live. And it’s not like Angie and I like to go out after 10 p.m. It was like really hard, but it was just interesting. Last night we were at a restaurant. Yeah. Recently. I know. It’s weird. Almost ten o’clock I ordered coffee, but I ordered coffee and I had my first, you know, a cup of coffee wasn’t even fully drank. And they came to the table and said, hey, you can chug that down so I can take it or I can take it. And I’m like, I thought she was kind of joking. And then she wasn’t. And she goes, Are you going to hug it? And I’m like, No. And she took it.

Yeah. And she goes, Thank you, Kate Brown. And she literally took the cup out of your hands.

And I’m like, oh, oh yeah, we’re under curfew. Like we’re children.

Right? So there’s just another freedom. Not that that’s one that we like care so much about. not a reason to move. It’s just it’s a beginning. What’s the trend? Yeah, it’s a beginning sign of control actually, and overstepping their bounds of manipulation. And and so you guys, there are other issues, too, like Isaac talked about the rationing of food. And it’s literally impedes upon my ability as a mom to be really good at multitasking when I have to be going to multiple stores to get things, it’s like not wise for my time to have to be going so many different places just to actually provide for my family. Yeah. So there’s there’s the aspect of masks also, which we’re not going to get into that in depth here on this podcast. I know you all are dying to know what we think about masks. Maybe we will do a podcast on future. And again, it’s not that we are wanting to be super rebellious. We’ve been really keeping our heart attitudes in check about this. I think that if we have a rebellious spirit. That we need to really examine our heart attitudes about that, not to make an idol out of freedoms and so forth, but at the same and to want to love people well, but and respect their immune compromised.

Right. But at the same time, we also believe that there is an element of political control that is being tested with the masks and being practiced, actually. And we don’t like that conditioning in that sense.

And there’s a demoralization of humanity. There is. There is whatever truth you think is true, you can do it no matter how it infringes upon other people. And we just feel strongly that it’s not time for us with young kids to be in a place that is increasing in that direction.

Yeah, I would say, too, that there’s other more liberal states. I’m just going to be really frank here. There are other liberal states that are surrounding us. Yeah, right. A lot of times those states kind of go in alignment with each other on things. And there are laws that are being passed in other states that are frankly just an abomination, disgusting. They’re an abomination. And I cannot just sit and be OK with taxes potentially going. I mean, we’ve been struggling with this for years, you guys. I just have to be honest, this is not something that is a new thought in our mind. I never wanted to live in Oregon, actually, when we met, we had to because of Isaac’s work at first. And then now that we’re in this position where, praise God, we don’t have to be here and we can be open to going anywhere, we look at each other and go, OK, it’s always bothered us that our taxes have gone to support the murder of babies, abortion. Yeah, OK. And that is a big deal to us because we are pro-life.

And whether or not I believe in paying taxes is very important. We pay taxes and I just want those taxes to go to better things.

Right, exactly. Not killing babies. And so, I mean, and there’s other other laws that have been passed in Oregon that were just as devastating to us, to be quite honest. And so we’re definitely not in alignment politically with the people who are running our state. And so that makes submission all that more harder.

Now, some people could be like, well, why don’t you stay and be the change where you are?

Yeah, and some people are called to do that. Would totally that bloom where you’re planted and you guys, we try to do it. We we honestly, we are convicted in the sense of like we haven’t been as involved as we probably should have been so that it wouldn’t get early on earlier on, so that maybe maybe it could have made some change. Right. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad. Because the truth is, is that too many people have been quiet for too long and that’s why we’re in the situation that we are in.

So I think wherever you are and wherever you land or if you stay where you are, we all need to do our civic duty, even beyond voting, and be pro involved and proactive, be in our government and we have an election coming up to be a voice and not be fearful. And you know what? Get ready because we’re going to be more bold.

Yeah. So I think that, you know, so people are going, OK, so you just said this. Why are you leaving? Right. And I will say we have not. Then I mean, you guys know we have eight kids and we’re not willing to sacrifice our family and our legacy for ministry, for work, for anything. And it’s not that we’ve made an idol out of them. It’s that we’ve got our priorities straight and we’re not going to apologize for that. And I still have a two year old and a four year old and we have four other kids in addition. So we have six kids at home right now. It’s not the right season for us to be all gung ho running towards that kind of a thing. Or at least for me, it’s yeah, there are seasons. So we’re going to just dive into the next section, which is policies that have invited crime. Right. So we mentioned a little bit.

Yeah. So literally, politicians are allowing crime. And whenever you allow crime, let’s just use a simple thing even before all this crazy stuff happening. But graffiti, there’s proven fact that wherever city allows graffiti to exist, more graffiti grows and it invites crime. You can do stuff you can read studies on. This is just an example, a simple thing like graffiti and some graffiti is beautiful, by the way, traveling the country, we saw some amazing stuff, murals. I would paint maybe their murals, but if you don’t take it down right away, it invites crime and invites more and invites more bad elements to exist in that area. And wherever that exists, usually graffiti is the beginning of things. And now it’s way beyond that. It’s like they’re allowing, you know, firebombing police stations and taking over police stations.

All right.

They’re allowing the disrespect of people’s businesses in the breaking of it, and they’re allowing this to happen. And I cannot be part of that. And I feel like I am a little bit of part of it. If I’m part of the state, I don’t.

Part of the state, and you’re not able to be on the front lines, right? And so it’s it’s it’s I don’t believe in that leadership.

I can’t even it’s disgusting to me. And so, so antibusiness and so anti humanity. And it’s also anti private property rights. I have relatives that a lot of relatives that lived in Venezuela in the good years of Venezuela. And and then as it started decreasing, our relatives realizing they would start taking away the statues and start renaming streets, they would start defunding. The police tried to resist trying to erase history. And then pretty soon they got rid of property rights. I had relatives that had farms, had squatters on, and they would then squatters would come and then the government would actually enforce their allowance of the squatters to be there and they couldn’t do anything in their farms, get taken away, essentially.

So so you start to see this. I really look at this as an invasion of property rights when property isn’t defended or allowed to be defended by the government.

And when you call on the police and they don’t come to actually help you. Right. Which at the same time, this goes along the lines with a government that is attempting to defend police. Right. Where are different state to state?

This is totally different. Right. Like there’s different things happening all over the country right now. And if you look at the ramifications of the places that have defended police, crime has not decreased is not. Yeah, it’s gotten worse because the Bible even predicts this about lawlessness. We have some scripture we’re going to share with you guys in a minute. But the reality is that when you live in a culture and in a climate, depending on where you are, that is for defending police. Now, I am not going to ever defend anyone, regardless of if there are policemen or not, if they are in sin and they murder someone. Right. Like there’s this element. Right. But at the same time, that is a very small amount of people where there’s a corruption right. In police and we should be supporting the police. We should be supporting the firefighters. Like even right now, I think about if we have family members whose the areas that are living in are on fire, they’ve been on fire for days, and they are some people, many of them friends, that we knew that we went to church, that we walked in life with that are losing their homes, losing their farms.

These are super hard working business owners and a lot of cases or work at employees that employ for years and safety workers and just did all the right things to be good with their money and living an integral life.

And they’re losing their property. Some of them are, ah, their properties are saved. And they’re but then they’re staying in their homes after evacuating their wife and kids and they’re staying in their homes with guns to protect their homes from looters because their neighbors are getting looted.

They see that. They see bad actors. Actually, I’ve we’ve probably had three different people we actually know who have witnessed people trying to start fires, you guys.

And this is part of it. Like we have friends who are police chiefs and we have friends who are fire fighters. We have friends who are police deputies. We have like there we were a part of that community for so long. You guys, people that I went to school with, high school with. Right. Just seen their posts on Facebook and they’re going through. And I’m it’s devastating. But the reality is what happens when lawlessness bounds, when it’s OK, when the governors when the people who are in charge say, oh, we’re not going to have any consequences for that, we’re not pacifists and Christians are not meant to be pacifists.

That’s a whole nother topic. We should do an episode.

Remind me. Why Christians should never be pacifists.

But you guys, I think that there is an element of loving people. Well, when we’re willing to protect things. Right. And when we’re living in a community where people feel safe and they can live in their homes without fear of being burglarized. Right. And that’s just not the reality of today or yesterday or the day before in Oregon in certain areas of Oregon. And so and we don’t know if that is going to move to where we are now.

There is a thing that, you know, we have been renting for a while because we had a business failure many years ago now. But and praise God, God has been restoring us and has been faithful and got out of debt a year ago.

It looks like we’re in a position we are in a position to purchase a home, which is amazing. So partly to thank everybody here for helping the movement and all these things helps us to. And we’re so excited to have a home. We don’t have to have a home, but we’re excited about home. And that’s great. And prices have gone up here everywhere, really. But there is the ability to buy a better opportunity outside of this city that we’re in because it’s very expensive here. But in addition, beyond the money. I don’t want to purchase something in a place where property rights aren’t going to be defended.

Right.

That’s actually a really good point, yeah, I just, you know, and what’s the trend that we’re seeing? Could it be curtailed? Sure, but lawlessness is being allowed. I’m not into that.

Right. And not into investing in that.

You see people sharing on social media about what they’re witnessing. And then you have news telling a totally different story, which is basically calling them all liars. Right. Like, that’s not OK. Yeah. And so for us, you guys, there’s many, many aspects to this, but they probably want to know where we’re moving but lets tell them at the end.

Ok, so Ephesians 5:15-17 is a passage of scripture that’s just been so good, so good. It says see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise redeeming the time because the days are evil. Is that not true? I mean, I feel like that’s literally what we’re walking in right now. There are some there’s some evil happening. Right. Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Understand the will of the Lord is in. Guys, this is the thing. What is the will of the Lord? It may be a little bit different for your family than it is for our family, but are these good conversations for us to actually be challenging one another with as iron sharpens iron for us to grow in our convictions? I think that sometimes in order for people to stand up and bloom where they’re at, if that’s the phrase you want to use or be a light where they are, because we’re going to be a light wherever we go, you guys. God is with you. His spirit is in you. You’re going to be a light wherever you are. But to really, like, stand up and stand firm for truth and be willing to protect your neighbor and love your neighbor as yourself if they need protecting or to serve them, sometimes you got to have a conviction. Yeah. And so to know what the will of the Lord is for your family, that should be where your conviction lies and that alone, not what Isaac and Angie are doing, not what that family next door is doing, not what your family member is doing, but you need to be listening to God’s will for your family. And so we are very excited and we’re actually calling this our legacy move.

Absolutely. And so it’s not out of fear. And in John, sixteen thirty three says these things have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace in the world, you have tribulation, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world. We know that. You know that. Yes, no matter it’s not like you can escape tribulation during accelerated end times. not at all. But we want a better place to be able to contribute and to raise up in to be able to pour into our kids with less distraction and more focus and equipping them to launch into the world, to be part of the world and to be a solution in the world for the kingdom of God, for Christ and maybe politics and our daughters super into politics.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, Austin even has a really pretty strong opinion about certain things for sure, which is actually another reason, like we have raised our kids to be courageous and we’re seeing that in our older kids.

And the truth is, is that it’s not the climate that we’re in. They do get massive persecution, even being young. Right. Like our son had a hat in his car that was a conservative hat and he would get flipped off. People would hit the front of his car. If they were on skateboards, he’d get cussed at. Someone broke into his car. Right. There was a bunch of people’s cars in our neighborhood that were broken into. Now, does that mean we fear.

No, we’ve been here for a while. Right. But the reality is, is if you could be in a place where your your kids can be courageous and be growing up so that they are prepared to be strong when they’re older, when they actually can make change, when they can vote. Yeah. When they’re old enough to vote, then why wouldn’t you?

We actually live in a time where you can’t support the president publicly without being destroyed, potentially shot.

I’m just going to say it potentially shot. You don’t know. Yeah. Any more is easy. It’s. Yeah, so this is the thing the as far as a legacy move goes, like we are thinking, we’ve already shared with you guys about the thought of our grandkids and our great grandkids and the parents of those kids just being in a necessarily in a place that allows them to make choices like can they homeschool? Are they going to vaccinate? They get to have the choice verses and stuff being enforced upon them. And that’s really important to us. But there’s also this element of like I kind of you know, if we were older, we probably would have more regret of not being more involved in politics. But we’re in this age right now that we’re in in our 40s where we’re like excited.

You could pray for us because we have no idea what that looks like. I know it looks like being even more bold during the election coming up on our social media platforms, being more bold for causes that matter, these kinds of things. How that plays out, I don’t know. I think God has a strategic reason. He is moving us. And and I think it’s exciting. And we’ll see what that looks like. But definitely we’ve seen doors just opening up as confirmation after confirmation that we’re supposed to move. And sometimes that’s what you do. You start making a decision and you see, you know, where doors open. Now, does that mean challenges aren’t there? No. Sometimes doors are opening and there’s immense challenges at the same time. So don’t read too much into the challenges. Change always involves challenge. It doesn’t necessarily mean God’s doing something against what you’re doing. Right. So you have to look at everything involved and be in the spirit.

And sometimes the enemy will try to stop you too, or create doubts. And so you have to be able to discern those things. And I think that the most important thing for being able to discern those things is to, one, be in the word of God and filtering through it, taking every thought captive and to being in alignment in your marriage, which is the next point like for us, that this is a legacy move. Isaac and I are completely in alignment in this, which praise God. Right. Like neither of us are in this place of no, no. I want to I want to say no, I want to move now. We from the beginning have been like, whoa, you want to move to you’re open to that. You praise God like that wasn’t hard. Total enlightenment, the kids. OK, so this is the thing. Here’s a little tip for you. When it comes to any kind of move, we have discovered that there is a window of time that is open to be able to make moves where it’s less difficult on kids. When they become teenagers, it gets harder.

We had a date night a long time ago, actually, where we’re like, well, yeah, we kind of think we should move. But we missed the window because we already have so many teenagers and they’re building so many good friendships and connections. Yeah. And then when covid happened, there was massive disruption and so many things. Yeah.

And like kind of Mellops getting canceled, being put on zoom.

Sports are canceled.

So we’re like, OK, this is a unique opportunity.

If we were to move it would be now and and the kids were all in alignment, all of that. And so like even some friends, they had just had different views on, like getting together because of just being careful with covid or what not. Right. To where then they weren’t as close to their friends are not even able to spend time with them. Right. So it was all these different things. And really we looked at that as, wow, God actually prepared an open window to where every single person in our family is looking forward to moving. Now, does that mean that they’re not going to miss their friends? No, they’re going to miss their friends. But what’s crazy is that even some of our friends had been thinking of moving to they’re not moving to the same place we are. They’re moving to a totally different state, actually. But that was just another confirmation. It was just like, oh, wow.

Ok, so so so a question might come to mind. Well, what about friendships and things like that? Are you moving with another family or something like that? And the answer is no. We are moving and our families are based on knowing any family or any friends other than we do have some newer connections through courageous parenting, which is cool.

Yeah. And actually some people that we met, we literally just met because we were looking for a house.

Yeah, that’s help we get. Definitely got a warm welcome from the courageous parenting community for sure in the area. And so that’s been amazing. But we have some rich, deep relationships here and friends in the church. We go to people that we love and so forth. So we are going to miss them. But you know what?

They can come visit. They’re going to come visit. You want to come visit. You really do like Bend and we have our RV, so we’ll be coming back. Yeah.

And I have a feeling there’s going to be more more change happening here anyway. So in Proverbs twenty-eight, our last point one, the wicked flee when no one pursues but the righteous are bold as a lion. So what does this mean? The wicked flee when no one pursues, when no one pursues the wicked, they get away and they can keep their corruption going. They can keep causing harm. They can keep bad things happening when no one. Pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion, and this is a message that we need to be even more bold, we talking about you and us need to be more bold than ever in these uncertain times, bold for Christ, boldly loving others, bold for the truth, boldly rallying for the truth.

Right? Yeah. And I feel like that’s part of it. Like some people are maybe are called to stay and some people are called to go and collectively rally or prepare a place or whatever it is. Right. Like God, God has given us this conviction that we should never be like. So we should not be making an idol out of the place that we are, whether that’s our home or our location or any of these things to where we’re not willing to go when God calls us to go somewhere.

So you should go. And we’re moving to Idaho, Idaho. And we had been researching we did an RV trip two weeks recently. You probably saw in our stories we went through all of Idaho, all the most of the different places, and we really settled on a certain place and really felt strong community there. The weather, the seasons, the political climate, all the things that really led to in some favor and potentially getting a house, which is really, really exciting. So then after we made that decision or very close to making that decision, we started reading this book, Strategic Relocation.

The fourth edition, the fourth edition just came out, just came out, which even references covid and things like that, which analyses statistically and with data and history and all these things, all the data about every state and the top two states and score are Utah and Idaho sorry, Utah friends. We have eight kids. And so we just don’t want to be mis categorized as Mormon. Right, by living in Utah. Yes.

And we also fell in love with Idaho because we were I would say, though, there are aspects of Utah that were just amazing when we went on our six week after we love Moab was amazing. And we do know that there are some strong Christian families that are there and we love you guys and are praying for you.

But we definitely. So the crazy thing is, is we felt God placing Idaho on our heart, actually.

Kind of I mean, we only had been to Shoshoni Falls on our three month RV trip, which was like two and a half years ago, and that was beautiful. But that was literally the tiny little bottom part of Idaho. We had hardly been there. We had not seen really anywhere else. We’d gone to Silverwood once, I guess, which is near Coeur da Lane, but we didn’t really see Idaho. And God placed Idaho on our heart way before we even started reading this book, before we even knew who was the people that were there. Right. Because a lot of the community that reached out to us, there were courageous parents that saw us there visiting, looking for a house and said, hey, we’d love to have you over or invited us to church or have a courageous parenting gathering. Right. And so I just it was really beautiful how this is all been panning out, because it’s very obvious that God is moving us in a specific direction. We don’t know all of the reasons.

Yeah, but we’re excited for this new journey in our lives. And we would just ask for you guys to be praying for us and with us.

Yeah. And so you can link to that book if you want to see it. That wasn’t what made us decide to move, but it was a confirmation after kind of making the decision for sure. It was just fun to read about the stats and information.

Yeah, because you guys have also has like global and world like world wide potential threats as well. So it like lists where nuclear targets are in different states. It’s very educational. Yes, because he had like forty years of experience in the government. So you got to look that book up and we’ll put a link in the CourageousParenting.com episode blog post that.

So, again, we are so excited about this change as you be praying for us, we have a lot to do the next 30 days to to make the move. And we appreciate your support and everything in it. We love it. If you shared this episode, I have a feeling this episode will actually help a ton of people and maybe your family and friends. And so if you’re in Idaho, let us know.

That’s right. Look forward to getting to know some new people. All right. Take care. Bye.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting package to make it easy for you and your spouse.

To incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting is an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group, live webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where and I can send weekly encouragement straight to your father.

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Scripture In This Episode:

Ephesians 5:15-17 – “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with wise men will be wise,
But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;”

Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Proverbs 16:9 – “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”

Philippians 4:6-7 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting podcast, the weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man.

We’ve been married 20 years and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically. Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome to Courageous Parenting podcast. Hi, guys.

So we are back home. We had a great couple of weeks. Thanks for joining us. If you listened to the last two episodes, which, by the way, were the most downloaded ever, that’s awesome.

Yeah, it’s exciting, you guys, because we have been working really hard to keep the podcast coming to you week after week, regardless of if we’re on a family vacation or we are working hard on other projects. And so when we see new people start listening, that gets us excited.

It does. And I think this is the 91st episode from almost to 100.

Amazing.

never skipped a beat, never missed a week. And praise the Lord for that. That’s right. Now we just feel an obligation to make sure we keep putting good seeds out there so that equipping families to raise their kids in these uncertain times because it is crazy times. But that’s what the Bible says. It’s going to get crazy.

That’s right. And you guys just a you know that if you’ve been listening to us for a while, you know that we we believe that we’re in the trenches with you guys.

That’s part of why we’re doing this, is that we desire to share the things that God has taught us both through the good and the bad. Right, and we share openly. We have nothing to hide. And we’re very open about a lot of things with you guys. But we also were desiring that people would step up and stand with us.

And so it’s so exciting when we hear of people who are really there in the trenches, like they’re purposefully parenting. They’re trying to to lead their children to the Lord, their biblically parenting.

It feels good to not be running this race alone, because especially during the times that we’re in now, it’s easy to think that the world is just going to all chaos and that you’re the only one that’s doing this right. Like you feel isolated.

And so I just want you guys to remember that when you’re listening, there are thousands of other courageous parents that are in agreement with you that are doing the hard work, the hard, good work of parenting. And that is an encouragement to me. I hope that’s an encouragement to you guys. And we really appreciate that the encouragement back when you leave reviews. So or if you just do that tap tap on the iTunes and give us the five stars, that really means a lot.

You know, one of the coolest things speaking of traveling, we did a six week trip this summer and a two week trip. There’s reasons for those things.

But what’s really cool is the community. When we see people in person, while it’s just.

And so it brings it alive, doesn’t it? And it keeps us, I’ll be honest, to be able to have conversations in real life with people face to face all over the country, that they share the few things that really touch their heart most recently, or something that really impacted their marriage and changed things big time. Or, you know, when we hear those things, we’re like, wow, don’t ever underestimate sharing your story. And so, you know what? Being in community, meeting together, having fellowship together, you guys got to keep doing that.

We’re just thankful for all those that were so hospitable to us in our travels and just make us feel at home wherever we go. It’s so amazing. That’s been a really big treat. And I just want you to know you’re not alone. Sometimes when you’re going against the grain of culture in some of your parenting approaches, just by being more present as a parent is going against the grain of culture, for example. Yeah, putting your phone down and looking eye to eye with kids, respecting them so they rise to love, respect you give them is going against the grain and a lot of ways today with Occupy parents. And so sometimes you’re going to feel alone and some of the decisions you’re making about parenting, you’re going to feel alone. And we remember that. But courageous parenting is here for getting wisdom. But it’s also a reminder of you’re not alone. There’s thousands, thousands of people running the race with you and that are making the same decisions you are to be really, really diligent, awesome parents to equip your kids for an uncertain world. So that’s cool. That’s good for us.

Well, no, I mean, we do have quite a few scriptures today. We have a few. And if you’re ever listening to the podcast and you think, man, I’m driving while I’m listening, or maybe you’re working, you’re listening, you don’t have a pen and paper there to jot down the scriptures that we’re reading to you guys and you just really want to go back and study them. You can always go to CourageousParenting.com and you can hit on podcast, which is in. A little menu bar in the top left hand corner of the website and all of our scripture notes are under each of those episodes as well. So just wanted to put that out there for you guys. But today we’re talking about five marriage conversations for uncertain times.

And these are relevant to really right now. And you might be wondering, how do you think of your topics? Somebody asked us yesterday, hey, what are you going to talk about? Because we were in person with some the Cosa family, some fellow courageous parents and I don’t know, and then all say, no, it’s funny, you guys don’t seem to know us well.

And we’ll say, oh, you have a podcast coming out tomorrow, what’s it on? And we’re like, I don’t know, what should we talk about? And they’re like, Oh, I get to help influence this.

So, so but these are conversations, Angie and I are having. A lot of what we teach are things we’re going through, have gone through in the past, have dealt with and people reach out and say, we really need help on this. And so that’s a way to do that. So this is really good. We’re going to obviously, you know, a short period of time, we can only cover a little bit, five minutes or so and each of these points. But but they’re really, really important.

So and we will be expanding on them in the future. However, we do that for sure. So but we just thought that there were these we wanted to come up with five conversations that we think that right now are really relevant for couples to actually talk about whether they’re able to go on a date night or if they just talk about it after they put the kids to bed. These are conversation topics that we have talked about a lot over the course of our to over. We’re almost 21 years marriage, many weeks we. And so we want to encourage you guys that these five questions are not just for now, they’re not something that’s like new that we just came up with. These are questions we even ask ourselves regularly and reevaluate all the time.

And it’s to get you out of maintenance mode. I remember in premarital counseling, one of the things that I learned, and I know Andrew was there, too, so she probably learned it, too, is that be aware of if your marriage becomes all about maintenance conversations, that your marriage is slowly dying in some ways, like you need to have vibrant conversations beyond what we need at the state or finances maintenances talk or not, you don’t discuss those things you do, but you for sure need to also be proactively trying to grow together.

Yeah. And so hopefully these questions are questions that are going to help you to have intentional, deep, stimulating conversations. Yeah. So the first question we’re going to cover is do we have our kids hearts? Now, this is a kind of a very broad question. Yeah. So we thought that we would give you guys some mini questions underneath there that you can ask each other to test.

If you have your kids hearts. Now, you might automatically of course, I have my kids hearts. They give me a kiss at bedtime. They even though they’re a little older now, they still give me a hug and say, love you, mom, or these kinds of things. But really, I think these tests will be important. I think no matter how much you just automatically knee jerk reaction go, yeah, I have my kids hearts.

We should suspend that thought for a second so that we’re receptive of really testing how much of our kids hearts do we really have because you really want to have their hearts. A lot of parenting experts will talk about behavior modification. And although some of that’s important, really what matters is do you have the hearts? And that’s what you want because behavior follows the heart.

Mm hmm. Yeah. So we’re going to ask you guys some questions. Are you ready? Do your kids know that you love them?

And so maybe maybe even asking, like, when was the last time I told my child I love them is another good question to ask yourself and specifically why you love them, the things you love about them specifically.

Sometimes when we’re young, I remember feeling this way. It’s hard to feel valuable.

It’s hard to know if I’m actually contributing, if I’m actually a lot of people do feel a lot of people do find their identity in their contributions that they make.

And we want to make sure that our kids are not doing that because that would be performance based acceptance of themselves and performance based acceptance then goes into legalism in their relationship with God.

And it goes into always trying to please people. And so we definitely want to make sure that our kids know that why we love them, but that it doesn’t have anything to do with what they do or don’t do.

So it’s just a it’s just a spontaneous.

Yeah. You know, Johnny, I love you no matter what you do. Yeah.

You know, and with Little Littles, you know, I mean, like, I know that a lot of you guys listening have kids that are under five.

And so I just want to share a little brief story with you. This week, we were on a little trip to Idaho. We were in a really awesome little breakfast restaurant.

Our family was sitting around a table and there were a lot of older couples that were around and there the kids were to our two youngest, were playing with sticks and they were having so much fun. And some of the kids were making them like glasses and different things. And we were just the table was full of laughter and and delighting in Solomon anyway.

And like the siblings were laughing and going, You’re so cute or you’re so funny or I love you and just smiling and laughing.

And at the end of one of the couples that was sitting in the restaurant, she came up to me and just said, You have such a precious family. And I, I can tell that they all feel really loved. And that remark it struck me and for the reason that she she when she said, I can tell, they all feel really loved and see that that is not something that just comes from you going, hey, buddy.

Love you. Right, when your kids are walking out the door to go to a friend’s house, it’s like making that actual connection and telling them that you love them in random times. And it’s also like enjoying them. Right? Your kids feel loved when you’re enjoying them. Like when we’re smiling and giggling at Eli and we’re tickling or we’re saying, oh, good job. And those those are the things that our kids remember, that encouragement, that kindness, that love, that laughter is a mark of them knowing that we love them and that we like them. Yeah. And so I would say with younger kids, they do want to hear I love you, but it also comes out in all the ways you treat them and how you are delighting in them.

So another test would be, do they share personal things with you? Do they share the most personal things with you?

Mean, this is really a good test for kids out there, like, I mean, any age really. Right when they’re talking. But you especially want to see this in their teenage years when they’re spending maybe more time with friends and peers or other influences. Right. And if they’re not coming to you and asking for wisdom and they’re not sharing or they’re not asking your advice or they’re not talking to you about their feelings, their emotions, their issues that they’re having with friends, because I guarantee they’re all having them, they’re all having issues. They’re all coming across boundaries that they know, oh, this is right and that’s wrong.

And I have to make a decision in this. And if they’re never talking to you about that, then that would be a sign that maybe you don’t have your child’s heart, that somebody else actually does, or that they’re they have an independent, rebellious spirit.

And so but this is the reason why I’m bringing this up for older kids. It’s actually cultivated when they’re little. Yeah. And so you can’t just go, oh, I have little kids and, you know, so sharing this doesn’t apply to me.

No, no, no. Like, it starts out when they’re little sharing with you about all the things. Like I got hurt feelings, I got her on the play structure.

It’s about that that person looked at me. I mean, it’s it’s those kinds of things.

But it’s also I’m having a hard time reading.

Can you help me? And, you know, like do they come to you with those things when they’re younger? Because if they’re not, then chances are they’re not necessarily going to come to you when they’re older.

And you haven’t opened up communication in a way where they feel comfortable sharing with you. It’s super important. You have to diligently, proactively do that. And the other thing is, do they obey you? And I think that every single parent will probably go, well, not always, right. Every single. So if that’s you, I mean, just join the club.

Yeah, it’s that’s true for us. Yeah. We have times where we’re like, whoa, OK, what’s really going on here. Yeah.

But the first thing we always go to is we evaluate our responsibility and that and the expectations. The second thing we go to is, is there a relationship barrier? Is there something in between my relationship with that child where they’re not wanting to obey or respect or honor or whatever? And then you go to they’re like selfish Flesh.

You evaluate the scene and probe the heart. Right. And so but all of it requires discussion. You actually have to talk to your kid to kind of figure out what the issue is and not just assume the worst always. Yeah. So and then we have another question for that, too, regarding your kids hearts. And that is, do they want wisdom from you? Like, do they ask you questions?

Yeah, I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. It is a beautiful document you can download that Will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family, no matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, at CourageousParenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement for us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com.

Steve And I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.What

What Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents who are trying to raise our kids physically, like our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children.

We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind, and it’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this, here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year. One of the best investments we’ve made this year. And I could not recommend it more.

We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation.

So for time, we have to move on. We may do a whole episode on that at some point. But are you are we analyzing the parent and parenting decisions we are making? This is so important. And I do want to say one thing about the heart. Do you guys know that the second leading cause of death for. Yeah, for kids, I think eight to 14, right. From seven to 14 is suicide. And I just wanted to touch on that. I meant to. We’re talking about the heart. And so the most important relationship they have, obviously, is with God. But second most is with you.

And those rates are going up since covid and so and we’re in uncertain times.

And it could be easy if kids are getting depressed or having a hard time with their life situations, whether it’s school or whatever it is, or missing friends or whatever it is. And if they just hear the negative news about the world, they might go, wow, is this world really worth living in? And they might just have some wrong theological perspectives and they might not know how much God loves them and how much you love them. And so just that’s just really important, especially in uncertain times. I forgot to hit on that.

Ok, point two second question that we think would be a good marriage conversation. Question is, are we analyzing parenting decisions we’re making? So obviously this question could be a huge podcast all by itself, too. Maybe we’ll touch on that in the future. But this is like what I think about all the parenting decisions that you make. There are many of them, right? There are many. And this is a question that we need to actually be evaluating on a regular basis over and over again. It’s not a one time evaluation. And so vaccinations, you might revisit this as a married couple.

I’m talking about other health issues. Are kids getting enough exercise? How’s our food? You know, things like that to education? Right. There’s a lot of disruption with education. Most of you’re probably trying some new things with kids, which is whether it’s partial home school, home school or they’re going to some school in a full time way. But it probably looks different than it used to. And you really have to analyze that. You know, is this the end of the pros and and cost of these things and really to look at and be nimble about making changes when needed. So I think that’s important.

Yeah. So we wanted to share with you guys from Ephesians five, verse 15 through 17 says it says, look carefully there how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise making the best use of the time because the days are evil.

Wow. That is pretty like right to it. The days are evil. OK, have a good day honey. The days don’t forget the days are evil.

Right. And then and then it continues to say therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is Amen. And so we wanted to share those three verses with you guys because right now we’re in uncertain times.

And truthfully, we need to all be seeking the Lord’s will for all of the decisions that we are constantly making.

So are we analyzing our parenting decisions, filtering them through the word of God? You know, with the warning of Romans, twelve do not be like the world.

Going with the flow is now obvious to everybody that you can’t do that in this world. You have to make concrete parenting decisions that sometimes look odd and different than the people around you. And if you’re not, then you might be going to. I think everybody’s even more aware of that. People have been shaken and we’re in uncertain times. And it’s time for us as Christians to rise up and to lead our families and to do that well as married couples. And so you have to be talking together in alignment together about these different things and get in alignment where we’re out of alignment and really make some hard decisions in sometimes the way things were. And you can have the start as you’re meeting together. You might even say to each other, I wish we could just go back to the way things were. And you know what? Stop wishing for that, because these are exciting times. It causes you to change and grow and to lead in different and new ways. And and when you when you when you wish for the past, it hurts your present. When you wish for the past, you don’t make as good of choices for the future. It’s so important to go. Okay, that was the past. God has a new plan now. Now, how are we going to conquer this thing.

That’s right. In the alignment with the Lord.

Yeah. And the other reason why I love this verse is because it’s well, first of all, it’s saying look carefully then how you walk.

So evaluate, look carefully then how you are walking. And what we’re saying is analyze the parenting decisions you’re making. Look carefully at how you are walking. Not as unwise, but as wise. How do we get wisdom through filtering through the word of God, as that says, make the best use of time? We don’t know how much time we’re going to have. Yeah, we do not know. Paul is very clear in scripture that we need to be living as if the end is today. We don’t know when Jesus is coming back, but we live as if he was coming back today. That’s exciting. Make the best use of our time because the days are evil. So we need to be aware that the days are evil. The Bible literally just said that. And do not be foolish, right? Don’t be foolish.

Don’t be so OK. I just was just reading about this from somebody else where It said, do not be so much of a pessimist that you are not seeing the world for the way that it is right. That constantly focusing on the negative can become depressing. But if you’re so much of an optimist, you’re not seeing it for what it is either. Be a realist. Right. And that just I’m like, am I reading my own words?

If you have too much optimism, what happens is and I am an optimist, actually, but I’m also a realist and I know how to temper those things. I think I’ve gotten better in my older age. But if you’re too much of an optimist, slight little changes you don’t really take action on and they accumulate, creating massive change.

But you don’t notice the massive change and you’re just comfortable with it because you’ve become comfortable with each incremental change leading up to the desensitisation, actually, and a lack of being able to truly discern the change that has occurred. Right. So if you’re being truthfully honest, taking the rose tinted glasses off, being able to evaluate the way things were and how they are today, you can see the change. Yeah, but if you don’t have that and you’re just being optimistic, maybe you you purposely forget the negative things of the past and you only remember the good.

And there’s lots of other parenting decisions. You can put your own put your own bulletpoints in.

Oh, yeah. I mean, we put like health.

We put spiritual condition of your family.

Are we over delegating the spirituality to too many friends, so much of it happening, too much breath in and not really going deep. Who are the friends that we really want to focus on yet and that are good for our kids?

And now that it goes into the third marriage conversation question, which is how are the influences? So you make parenting decisions, but then there are influences that sometimes are a reflection of the parenting decisions that you made. OK, so how are the influences on my kids impacting their character, their hearts and their family relationships? And I put relationships, not relationship. Right, because they’re siblings, there’s parents, there’s grandparents. There’s all different kinds of things you literally sit and evaluate on this one question for really, really long time.

So how are the influences that that on my kids impacting them and Influences being teacher’s and friends and I would say never sacrifice the character and fruitfulness of your kids, spiritual fruitfulness of your kids for the sake of your personal relationships.

What do you mean by that? Can you be more specific?

Yeah, I would say that if you’re getting together with other families on a regular basis and let’s say your close friends with them, but they’re not parenting effectively and their kids are a bad influence on your kids or they’re dangerous or they’re dangerous, then you need to find other ways to be friends with them without the whole family’s getting together. You need to share with them, teach them what you’re learning, see if they’re receptive to that in a gradual basis. And if they are wonderful, if your kids are old enough, they could be like those other kids. But if but if when you get home, the fruit is changing and your kids because of someone else’s influence, that’s when you start to really get more vigilant about it. And you go, OK, let’s talk about how you could be an influence better. Let’s talk about how. And then we talk as a married couple how we can be an influence better with the parents and let’s try and make this work. But in the end, if it’s not working, you might have to have some distance. You’re still friends, but just might not be as close with whole families, can you? That could be in whole episode. But it’s just really important. I’m saying, oh, I see this happen all the time. We become numb to the bad influences and a lot of times it has to do with our own agenda as parents.

You guys and I mean, I have a personal story about this. I’m not going to super, super detail, but there is a point where one of my my friendships, I really enjoyed spending time with this particular person.

And but when I would take my kids with me, they oftentimes would come back. They would either be sharing with me some really disheartening or even scary situations that they encountered. And one in particular was kind of like the last straw where I had to come to Isaac. And he said, yeah, I just don’t want the kids hanging out over there. And so maybe you can just get together her with her alone. And that was really hard for me.

I’m just going to be honest. That was hard for me. The hard marriage. That was a hard marriage meeting. And I, I didn’t want to have to make a boundary with a friend that was a believer at the time. And I just I had to I had to submit to that because I knew that, though the wisdom that my husband was sharing with me was actually true wisdom. And I needed to submit to in that regard, and I am saying that because it was it was against my flesh, like I didn’t want to have to put a boundary on that friendship because I love that friend so much.

But I also like I saw him and he didn’t have that deep connection with that friend, obviously. So all he was thinking about was just the safety of our kids. And I’m like, OK, yeah, you know what? You’re right. And that was the best decision that we ever made. And I don’t have any regrets. And this is years and years later. And so and we’ve had other situations that we’ve had to do that with.

So if you’re in a position like that and you have not talked to anybody about it and you’ve been gone, I just don’t know if I really like my kids hanging out with those kids, I would say you really need to listen to your gut. I want to empower you to to trust the spiritual discernment that God is giving you and to communicate with your spouse and share your concerns.

And I think that it’s important that the sharing of the concerns goes both ways. There have been times where I’ve come to Isaac and said, I don’t know if I really trust that guy. And he has listened to that, maybe not agreed with it fully, but then gone, OK, I’m going to honor my wife and I’m going to trust her discernment in this. And if he doesn’t spend as much time with them and then years later we’re looking back and we go, oh, praise God. Right. And so you guys, we’ve just been down the road a little bit longer in this. And so I’m just a discernment of your wife.

I do. She’s so discerning and and women trust your husbands too. It’s usually right. And what we’re not saying is that kids have to be perfect to hang out with our kids. That’s not what we’re saying. Because our kids aren’t perfect. No, nobody’s perfect. Right. So but we’re saying is over time, if you see the the character of your kids changing and becoming more like it, the bad aspects of character, even a good people, but some of the some of the challenging things are dangerous.

I’m just going to flat out say there’s drugs or guns or gangs or I could go on and on or if there’s even like sexual temptation and there’s things that are potentially there, you need to protect the safety of your child. Some extreme things.

Well, I know, but a lot of people don’t realize that there is usually an underlying really big issue behind things. You know, just a few days ago, a friend shared something about a teenage son who had taken a Percocet pill and then he never woke up. He was with another friend. He was an athlete. And they were sharing the story of their child because they wanted other parents to be warned.

Did they have that conversation with their kids to just not even do not he had I mean, according to them, he had not done drugs before. Who knows? Right. But we have to be aware of the character of the people our children are spending time with and acknowledging and being honest. Is my child a leader in this relationship or their follower? Yeah. In this relationship. Are they going to say no when nine people are saying yes to drinking? Are they going to say no?

And if they’re not openly communicating about the challenges with you, then you can’t coach them and how to be that leader that they need to be. We got to move on because we have two more points, but that is our comfort zone, holding us back from walking at God’s best path for our lives and for our kids lives. So sometimes we get in this groove of what we’re most comfortable with. So we don’t have hard conversations with people. We get in this groove of our place of comfort. So we don’t create changes about church community or adjustments there if they’re needed. We don’t create change about the neighborhood we live in or whatever. Right. There’s there’s sometimes it’s we think it’s too hard to make a change. And so our kids get sacrificed a little bit because of that. And then we put it in the guise of while there being lights and these things. Now, there can be truth sometimes if they’re older and you raised them really well, they can be like even absolutely.

Lights at times, too. But that shouldn’t be their only experience. One hundred percent of the time. They should also be able to be around like minded people where they’re being energized, challenged as iron sharpens iron. If they don’t have that, you need to evaluate where you’re at. I’m just going to be honest.

And are your kids standing firm in the people around them are becoming more like them, more godly or your kids slowly becoming more ungodly like they are?

Yeah. So there’s a couple of different verses we want to share with you guys just for food for thought, because this is God’s word. He’s the author of this. This is not our opinion. Proverbs Thirteen Twenty says whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Boom like that.

You just can’t even ignore that. I mean, it continues on. Disaster pursues sinners, but the righteous are rewarded with good. I mean, there’s a lot of scriptures that talk about being wise with who you choose to hang out with. Another one that comes to mind regarding this as proverbs the. Re verse five, OK, right, five and six, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths, be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. You guys listen. This is a thing sometimes you get in places where we go, OK, I just don’t know what to do, right? My kids changing.

I don’t know if it’s my child or if it’s their environment or if there’s their school or if it’s there. If it’s the neighborhood, if it’s this, if it’s that we can’t change the neighborhood so can’t or we can’t change the church or we can’t, you know, like certain people have these things, then they’re going, what do I do?

Give me the wisdom. Right. This is the answer to that trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. God’s ways are sometimes so different than our ways. And we have to be seeking him to get that knowledge, to get the wisdom right. Not wise on your in your own eyes. Fear the Lord turn away from evil. Not that turning away is actually an action word. You have to physically choose to walk away.

Now, Angie and I are both still breaking out of our comfort zones. Even right now. There are things happening because of the uncertain world in just the last six months that are massively causing us to further break out of our own comfort zone and make hard decisions and things like that.

And so hard decisions that we’ve actually never made before.

Yeah, so we’re I mean, we’ve never received the level of persecution where we’ve received in the last several months. And, you know, how do you respond to that? And I yeah, I kind of realized and part of it is that we’re so outspoken on the Internet about biblical truth and our experiences and so forth. So and that’s fine. And I just I told Angie this.

I go, OK, I am going to wear that Lord. I am going to now understand that I’m in a different time and this may happen more.

Right. And I’m OK and I’m OK. I’m OK with it. It’s like being I mean, honestly, it’s like what the martyrs it’s what other Christians in other countries have been dealing with for a really long time. But in America we have first world problems. And when we haven’t experienced that and when I say OK with it, meaning I’m going to endure it and not stop, that’s what I mean.

Yeah, we can press forward in the race. We have another scripture here that’s in Deuteronomy 31:6, which is obviously this. This was one of the verses, this in Joshua nine that just really encouraged me when I was choosing courageous mom as my ministry website says, I have commanded you.

I’ve commanded you got to. I’ve commanded you.

This is a big deal. He’s commanding. It’s very clear. Be strong and courageous. So even if we’re not, yeah, God has commanded us as his followers to be strong and courageous.

It says, do not fear or be in dread of them for the for it is the Lord, your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

And that is a word, I believe, for everyone. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. Mm hmm.

And we do need to be strong to be able to stand firm against the devil schemes.

We do need to be strong in our minds to guard our minds and hearts in Christ Jesus. We we do need to be courageous to continue in the race, even amidst a world that hates people who claim Christ, who are trying to live biblically. Right.

And the final point is, in these uncertain times, are there any adjustments that are needed in how we make money? I, by the way, feel that that could be very encouraging from the wife. Actually, if the husband is the one that’s providing or mostly providing in that situation, I think it could be very encouraging on a date night to say, hey, I’m open to, you know, other ways we make money.

Yeah.

And I think that that kind of value, because as a provider, it’s like, OK, now this is this is what I went to school for doing.

So sometimes a wife saying that not like we should, but just saying that is like, oh, interesting.

Right, I don’t have to do this forever, I mean, the reality is that a lot of people go through career changes in their life.

Yeah, I think a lot of people during covid were kind of shocked that their maybe their career was not deemed essential and they may have struggled financially.

I know a lot of families were struggling financially with that. Right.

But there are other crises that are going to happen in the future, whether in this hundred years or in the next right, next century or beyond that, because in times it’s going to continue getting worse.

We just know this, right, 20 years is going to be a massive change.

Right. I mean, technology has been a massive change for the previous 20 years. Just sit and think on that for a second, OK? How much has our world changed in the last decade? Whoa, massive. So think another decade ahead. And so I just want to encourage you guys not I’m not saying that to scare anybody. I’m just saying how many men think once I chose this, I liked it then. But now I’ve kind of grown and I don’t know if I really want to do this right in a matter of liking it. But then there’s also this like how do I provide for my family in uncertain times? And it can be a really fun thing to dream about and to explore if the wife is on board and supportive and even willing to to make sacrifices.

And sometimes the wife might not be out of fear or I really we get this where we get our health benefits. And that would be really expensive if we didn’t get them through that. Or this is you know, I like the neighborhood we live in or, you know, these all these thoughts. I could be protectionism against the just the openness to have the conversation right to entertainment.

And so we’re wanting to encourage you guys in is having the conversation and giving each other the freedom to dream, to think and to evaluate and to be prayerful, to seek God’s word in it and potentially move forward with making some changes or adding on some things. I mean, one of the things that I would want to encourage you guys in is this concept of multiple streams of income. Yeah, I mean, I think that that especially in uncertain times, is a wise thing to not only be doing, but to be teaching your kids and to have them thinking as well.

Right. There was a there was a book on this a decade ago that I read called Multiple Streams Income I believe in. And we’ve we’ve always had that mentality, but now it’s like really becoming important. And so let’s say you have one source of income right now. I would encourage you to think about what’s another one, even if it’s very small, even if I brought in 500 bucks a month or something small. Right. But to cultivate something that’s not a distraction away from the good parenting and marriage and everything, you’re doing something you can do with your kids, maybe even.

Yeah.

You know, so but what is another source? And if you already have a couple, what’s a third one?

And it’s not just to have as many as possible, but no, I do think three is probably a number that you should be thinking about and considering.

That’s right. And so it could be it could really be a source of support. Proverbs, proverbs note.

Yeah. Proverbs 16:9, says the heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

And so you guys, sometimes when we’re walking in this path that maybe we’ve set for ourselves. Right. I think about when we were first married and we were just going down the path that was before us. Right. And moving forward. And we’re trying to glorify God in it. But I had a plan and my plan was to finish college and go into ministry and I got pregnant. So I had a plan. But God directed my steps to choose to be a stay at home mom. Yeah. And so the Lord, I had this I had to surrender my will to God and be willing to evaluate. be willing to maybe put some things on the back burner for a season to do what was best for my family?

By the way, these things are never coming down like Isaac decided something.

And Angie, no matter. Did you hear how I said I had to surrender to the Lord?

So I think it was actually, if I remember correctly, I think it was your idea, actually. And we had discussions about it and it just made sense. And we kind of made that decision together.

And of course, we make every decision together. Two become one. But there but I it definitely was a me having to choose to change my plan that I had always had in my mind. Right. And so and what I had been pursuing and I don’t regret it for a day. I don’t regret it a minute. And I don’t regret going to college either, because I’ve used every bit of that education and family counseling and all that. I look at what we’re doing. Yeah.

And so I, I praise God for all of it. And I, I really think that it’s been a beautiful journey with him. But my point is that you can’t compartmentalize Jesus out of parts of your life. And I think a lot of times when people start going down a road, they think that this is the path that’s been set before me. So this must be God’s will.

But. Sometimes a man plans his steps for the Lord, right, a man, a heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. We have to be willing to move over here, step this way. And sometimes the way that we step is a firmer path and sometimes it’s muddy, sometimes it’s not as clear as what. Maybe we’re walking in before. But I just want to encourage you guys that it was something that I’ve said to myself over and over and over again over the last two decades. God goes with me wherever I go because he’s not just in one way. And he goes with you, too. Yeah, he does.

He goes with you guys, too. So we hope that this has been encouraging. We want to just finish up with Philippians four six through seven.

But actually we’re starting verse four start and four here. So rejoice in the Lord always again. I will say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known by everyone. The Lord is at hand.

Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and supplication. With Thanksgiving, let your requests be known. Be made known to God in the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Thanks for joining us.

See you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you and your spouse to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

It’s an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group, live webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send you weekly encouragement straight to your phone .

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentorship program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

That’s CourageousParenting.com

Scripture In This Episode:

Proverbs 19:11 – “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger,
And his glory is to overlook a transgression.”

Matthew 18:15 – “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”

Ecclesiastes 3:7 – “A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”

Ecclesiastes 9:17 – “Words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard
Rather than the shout of a ruler of fools.”

Proverbs 29:11 – “A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back.”

Proverbs 10:19 – “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Galatians 6:1-2 – “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Psalm 141:3 – “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting Podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married 19 years and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically.

Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Welcome back to the podcast. Hey, guys. And if you’re a new listener, we are so glad you’re here. Obviously, we’re in season two and feel free to listen to all the new ones. But there’s a whole other season in season one, too. So we’re just so encouraged by how the podcast is growing right now and has a lot to do with the first part to the series. We’re going to do the second part today. Now, if you haven’t listened to the first part yet. No sweat. You can listen to them out of order. We’re going to cover the second Keys, but each episode obviously stands on its own, definitely go back and listen to it afterwards.

Yeah. So we were talking about how to stop the yelling in your home. We did part one last week. This week we’re doing part two and we have some exciting things to talk to you about. Maybe we should just do a little brief overcap of last week. Oh, super quick. Yeah. Yeah. So we talked about how to how important it is to treat other people how you want to be treated. And we talked about what the Bible really means in regards to that particular statement.

In addition to that, though, is also to treat people how they want to be treated, not just how you want to be treated. So both Yes.

Which is super good. Yeah. And so I really encourage you guys to go back, because I think a lot of times parents don’t necessarily treat their kids the way they would want to be treated if they were in a friendship or if they were kid when their parent was talking to them. And so I think that it’s really an important reminder for us to try to think back, put ourselves in our kids shoes. We don’t ever want to treat them in a way that is demeaning or going to embarrass them or shame them. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s something we’ve been talking about and preaching for a long time. The second thing we talked about was how yelling louder.

Will sometimes seemed to work, but it fails long term, so you’ve got to go back and listen to episode one.

Yes. So, hey, if you have shared the podcast or any of us social, we so thank you for that. If you’ve given us a five star review or ratings on iTunes, that is huge. Written reviews are huge. Some amazing ones came in. Some of the dads lately. Give me some excellent reviews. That’s exciting. It’s so encouraging for me. Obviously, when women do it, it’s encouraging to us. But I just love that. That’s why I’m involved, too, is to really speak to the dads side. So I love that. So anyways, thank you for helping us with the One Million Legacy’s movement. And it’s so fun to be part of what God is doing. And you’re a part of that, too. So I would say we should dive in.

Yeah, we’ve got a lot of scripture we want to share with you guys. So we are talking about yelling. Right. And why does someone yell? Someone yells because they are in conflict. So let’s ask another question. Why would someone be in conflict? Obviously, because of some kind of offense, either they have offended someone or someone else has offended them. That is the main reason for conflict. I think it’s probably one of the only reasons for conflict. Yeah. And so because there’s an offense. Right. And there could be many different kinds of offenses. And so we just wanted to talk to you about the process that we have gone through with our kids regarding offenses. Hopefully it’s an exhortation for you and your personal life, but also it’s kind of an outline, a two step process of what you want to be teaching your kids over the years because they’re not going to know this when they’re born. Yeah, OK. Kids don’t know how to deal with conflict and they don’t understand that they actually have to think through a process before they just engage in conflict. OK, and so the first thing they need to talk about is are they willing to overlook an offense? OK, so we have a passage, just a proverb for you. In Proverbs 19:11, it says, Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense. And so that is the key verse that we have taught our kids memorize with them. We encourage you to memorize with your kids, and then they have to ask themselves, am I willing to overlook this offense? And if not, then. They need to confront the events, absolutely. Then that’s when we take them to Matthew, 18. So you guys dealing with conflict is not something like I said, the kids are aware of and know how to do right off. Yeah. And so we’re just going to read through part of Matthew 18:15.

So if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three. By the way, we’re camping and we got our iPhones out. And so someone just tried to call us. So that’s what happens when we’re traveling. So we’ll just keep continuing here. But it’s so important if your brother sins against you that you that you do this in the Matthew 18 way that we just read. So it is a crucial thing to do. And by the way, when in conflict, it takes two to be in conflict. Right. And so that’s something that’s a good thing to help people remind them is the only thing they can change is themselves in conflict. And so it’s very, very hard to change somebody else. But you can actually diffuse conflict by changing how you respond and teaching your kids. That is really, really cool, because sometimes when we’re in conflict, we’re just going, why are they being that way? Why are you doing that? And you started thinking just about them. But it’s kind of fun, actually, to think about, hey, how can I get better at conflict, even though maybe it is someone else’s fault at first? How can I diffuse that and help them get out of their conflict strategy?

So in the in regards to this second approach. Right. So we talked about if they’re willing to overlook and then we’re talking about if they’re not willing to overlook them, they need to use a Matthew 18 approach and you have to teach that to them by going through the scripture with them. OK, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. And so this is something that a lot of parents go, what age do you start having your kids do that?

Because it is something that kids don’t know how to deal with conflict and they actually need accountability. They need to be taught how to do that. And that’s a parent’s job. And so we have always encouraged our kids to explain, to communicate with us and to share with us when there is a conflict going on, especially when they’re under a specific age so that we can help mediate, so that we can help them to be able to learn what it means to be quiet and listen to not interrupt, to actually speak up and to encourage the other person to say to have to have their opinion, to speak their opinion, things like that. Right. And we’ll get into that a little bit more. But it’s really important that when your kids are younger, you are there, you are mediating.

You don’t just go go take care of it yourself. The Bible says to go take care of it yourself. When they’re really little, they actually need to be taught.

You have to teach them, and then eventually you will teach them as they get older to handle it, just them, and then only involve me if you’re not able to effectively handle it.

And I would say that if you are teaching them when they’re little, like their two, three, four or five, six. Right. You’re teaching them when they’re younger. By the time they’re like eight years old, that’s when you start going, OK, buddy, you know what you’re coming and doing and you’re tattling in that sense. If you already took care of it, you don’t need to tell mom. And if you haven’t taken care of it, then you need to go and take care of it. And you come to mom when they’re not willing to listen, because that’s what the Matthew 18 approach says, that if someone but if he does not listen, take your brother. Right. OK, so but if he doesn’t listen, take one or two others along with you that even charge so that every charge may be established by the evidence or two or three witnesses. And then if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. So this is a Matthew eighteen approach if your brother sins against you. And so you’re teaching your kids to go to the person themselves and to deal with it. And if that doesn’t work, then they come to you.

So what age do you think that changes?

I would say if it was different for every kid based upon the spiritual maturity and how they’re actually like getting it right. And also, I would say maybe even their personality, you have to evaluate like, are they the type of person that’s going to bulldoze the other person and manipulate the conversation so that that the conflict ends up in their favor every time when maybe it should not. Yeah, right. And so you have to look at their maturity.

Their ability to be humble would be a huge thing that I would evaluate. And so and if they’re truth teller and they really are someone who seeks the truth, even if it’s the truth about themselves and if they’re that type of person, I could say as easy as seven or seven. Right. If not, maybe by the age nine or ten. But you do want to be also like afterwards, do a little debriefing with them, ask them how it went. Because you want to find out if they’re the type of person that is bulldozing other people or if they’re the type of person that is dealing with conflict well.

Well, yeah, they are very good. I would say the next thing is listening. We’ve all heard the importance of listening as adults. We understand that’s important. Some of us believe we’re good at that and some of us believe we have stuff to work on on that. I would say that if we don’t believe we need to work on that, then we’re probably not being introspective enough because even people that are great at listening still need to work on it. It’s something that I find is a constant thing to work on and become better as a human being because we naturally will get defensive some quicker than others. But we all will tend to do that at times. And so it’s super important in Ecclesiastes 3:7 says a time to tear and a time to sew. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. So there’s a time to be silent and there’s a time to speak. And we need to know and have wisdom when those things are. The problem is when we’re entering into conflict, we start getting beside ourselves.

We start getting emotional. And when we’re emotional, we lose. We’re starting to lose control and we’re in a greater way losing control the more we get emotional and tied up in our feelings about things.

And so Ecclesiastes 9:17 says the words of the wise heard in quiet are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools. Wisdom is better than the weapons of war, but one center destroys much good.

And so it’s so important to listen. So now we have to model listening. You knew that was coming next. We always say that, don’t we? We have to model listening to our kids because they’re picking up on what we do well and what we don’t do well. And unfortunately, I used to teach this when I was in a business training thousands, thousands of young adults. I mean, I didn’t train them all, but I had leaders training people and so forth.

And I used to say that, you know, repetition is important. And remember that they’re going to follow your example maybe as good, sometimes better. Right? It could be arranged. But the things you do wrong, people tend to do way worse than you. OK, so if you’re just an OK listener, but you don’t truly listen to your kids, they’re going to take that and do it even worse. No, that’s not always true. But that’s just kind of what I’ve found in the Shepherd student relationship is a lot of times that’s the case, especially when people are really young.

So Proverbs 29:11 says a fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds back. And so this is in regards to OK, so says gives full vent to his spirit. This is ESV Translation. Other translations say something slightly different, but it’s in regards to losing self-control or having self-control. And so a fool gives vent to a spirit. They lose it. They start yelling, right. But a wise man quietly holds back. And we want to be of the wise as parents. We also want this for our kids.

So this is a really good proverb to memorize with your children and to just explain to them. Another one would be Proverbs twenty one twenty three, which says whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Another translation says guards instead of keeps. So that would read. Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue like guarding it keeps himself out of trouble. And so, you know, this is a good verse for not offending people, but it’s also a good verse for when you’re in the midst of conflict. Because don’t we sometimes when we’re hurt and we’re in conflict, sometimes we can say something that we don’t mean. And we need to teach our kids to not give vent to their spirit because it’s going to give them trouble, is what the Bible says.

So true. So let’s talk about what is good listening look like and how you describe that to your kids. Well, we can appear to be listening, but just thinking about what we want to say.

So real listening is suspending what I want to say to truly understand what they really are saying, because sometimes as soon as the fence happens in a conflict, we kind of put up our guards and we’re already ready to pounce and say what we have in our head. And as soon as that happens, we aren’t good listeners anymore. And so a lot of times too familiarity breeds contempt. You’ve heard us talk about that before.

And so in family especially, you will have a warm path of relationship and a warm path of where we take each other for granted. And so what you want to do is kind of have a clean slate and stop trying to finish someone’s sentences in your head. So I already know what they’re going to say, even if that’s true. If you don’t allow them to say it, they are going to start blowing up inside. Some people have more self-control not to let it come out. But if people can’t be understood, if people can’t communicate their thoughts. Feelings and articulate that then they’re really going to feel oppressed and then you feel like it’s unfair, and as soon as someone feels like the engagement is unfair, they either opt out or they get angry.

I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. It is a beautiful document you can download that will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to courageousparenting.com and subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and everything, a courageousparenting.com. And I also just want to share real quick about the Parenting Mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at courageousparenting.com

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children.

What Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

This program provided awesome scripture based teachings and just some really great practical applications. This class has just really rocked my world.

It has given me a vision for not just the different things that we might focus on as parents are trying to raise our kids basically like our kids are behaving or what we’re doing with discipline, but also the things of the heart.

We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

It’s not just these hypothetical situations or it’s not just this. Here’s what I think you should do. It’s let me show you where in scripture this is.

Do your legacy a favor and yourself a favor and just do it.

One of the best things that we’ve done this year, one of the best investments we’ve made this year, and I could not recommend it more. We’re no longer fearing dark days ahead, but we’re so excited to raise the lights to be leaders for the next generation.

Yeah. So, you know, you guys, if you’re just starting to tune in and stuff, one of the things that’s really important to distinguish with your kids is are they the type of person that is talkative or are they the type of person that’s more quiet? Yeah, and so the things that Isaac and I are talking to you about, the Bible verses that you’re sharing, some of them may apply more to the talkative person. That’s kind of what we’re describing and talking about right now. And so I just want you to take a moment, take a pen and paper and maybe jot down your kids names and put a T next to their name if they’re more talkative and a Q next to their name, if they’re more quiet, that’s a good exercise to do and to go. OK, so what do I need to equip my kids with? Do I need to equip them with the knowledge of, hey, these are the practices, you tend to be more talkative. You need to be aware of how other people are feeling. Listen to this with me. Even maybe share this podcast with them, turn it on, let them listen, pause it discuss it with your kids. OK, so with the talkative person, they have a hard time listening is what we’re talking about, right. Yeah. And one of the things that we have a phrase that we’ve always used is, honey, please listen. And they’re like I am listening go. No, you need to listen and hear. OK, there’s two different things. You’re hearing somebody and listening can be two very different things. And Isaac always reminds people that pauses for the talkative person can seem like eternity.

So someone that’s wired that way, that’s very talkative, very outgoing, or just needs to say a lot of words. They tend to, by the way, process out loud, whereas the quiet people process in their heads and and they actually sometimes think it’s foolish that people process so much out loud. But it’s not. It’s just people are different. And so when you process out loud, you have to be careful not to run over people, because what you’ll tend to do is you’ll feel like you’re great at relationships and you’re talking and that means you’re doing a good job in relationship mending. But no, far more of a good job sometimes, especially in conflict is listening. Yeah, talk. But then pause. And then you know what the talkative person that pause feels like for ever and the quiet person needs a long enough pause to start talking. So the problem becomes is the talkative person feels a short pause and they feel like they’re not going to say anything. So then they just keep talking and the quiet person feels like they’re being ran over and never get a talk because they need a longer pause before they start engaging.

Yeah, so a good proverb. If you have a kid that does this, it tends to be talkative and interrupts a lot or maybe doesn’t let anyone get in a word in edgewise with the Proverbs 10:19 says when words are many, as we’re talking about a talkative, when words are many, transgression is not lacking, then it says, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. OK, so there’s a good passage of scripture, a little Bible verse and scripture that you can memorize, that’s Proverbs 10:19. Another thing that is important to do when you’re talking to your talkative kid is to teach them about the quiet person and that it’s the most loving thing that they can do and be in the presence of someone that’s quiet, especially in conflict, is to love them by restraining their lips and really listening. And sometimes when Isaac was mentioning how sometimes people can be there, they’re listening, but really they’re thinking in their head and they’re not listening. They’re not hearing what the other person is saying. They’re thinking about what they’re going to say next or they’re thinking about how they’re wrong or there may be impatient and going. I already know what they’re going to say. There’s going to say this. And so their whole head is filled up with the thoughts of what they think, the other person saying so much so that they’re not actually hearing them. So here’s an important tool. Teach that talkative person how to do what’s called acknowledgement responses. So this is a very basic it’s actually a term that’s used in psychology and counseling. Acknowledgement responses would be something like when there is a pause because the quiet person is sharing something and sometimes they have to pause to think about their next thought to you want to teach your kids not to fill that pause in space with more words because that can actually confuse the quiet person and it can help them to forget what they were thinking about because they’re so good at listening.

And so to be loving, they want to remain quiet. Let the pause see how there was a pause there, let there be a pause and it’ll be uncomfortable.

You have to tell them you are going to feel really uncomfortable when you allow the pause to exist. They are the one allowing it to happen because they’re the one talking.

It’s just respecting the other people are doing their thinking in their head and not verbally processing their processing internally. And God made both kinds of people, both kinds of people are made in his image and they don’t need to change. They just need to be respectful of one another. The most respectful thing in that moment is to not interrupt so big old ex with a circle around it. No interrupting allowed and interrupting is not just interrupting someone’s words when they’re speaking. It’s also interrupting their train of thought. This is just something that dawned on me as we were doing this podcast. Is that like I tend to struggle with that. I’m just going to be honest.

I tend to not realize that the pause is allowing the person to get their thoughts thought through in their head. And if I start talking, I’m interrupting their thoughts and then they and it’s confusing and they can give up. And so the best way to love someone is to let them have the time to actually think about what they’re going to respond in, to have restraint over their lips. That’s what they naturally do, which is a good godly thing. We’ve just been reading a ton of scriptures about that. And so the talkative person can actually learn a lot from the quiet person and exercising restraint, but having acknowledgement responses such as, so what I hear you saying is and then they repeat it back or they can say, so correct me if I’m wrong, I, I hear you saying X, Y, Z, is that right? And what it does is it actually requires two things. When someone is able to actually give that kind of an acknowledgement response, they’re actually able to say, what I hear you saying is that that that that means they actually had to be listening before they could even do that acknowledgement response. Most people that are really bad at listening can’t repeat back what they hear them saying. And miscommunication and conflict is one of the biggest issues that makes unresolved conflict happen or remain right. Where there’s no reconciliation and there’s no restoration in relationships is when there’s a lack of proper communication. Someone says something, the other person hears something else.

That they’re not saying when you repeat it back to it prevents you from doing the head noise, preventing you from hearing. Exactly. Forces you hear. So that’s a good mechanism to you can teach your kids. Is that when they feel like that, maybe they’ve been just thinking about themselves, what they want to respond with, the things they can just instead repeat back what they said. And it gives you time to really listen, to get in that mode of patience and listen, and it prevents miscommunication.

But the other thing that it does, too, is that it helps the person who is more quiet. So all people are wired in a way where they want to be known. They want to be understood. They want to be loved. Right. And a lot of people don’t feel that way in life. And it’s really sad. And I think part of it is that there’s just a lack of communication skills being taught to children. I would say that adults even struggle with this and don’t have good communication skills a lot of the time. And so to really love one another, that’s what it does for the to the quiet person. If the talkative person is able to repeat back what was just said to them, then that quiet person feels understood, known and loved because they were it proves that they were actually listening to them. Whereas a lot of times when the talkative person is doing talking in their mind or they think they already know what the other person’s saying and they’re talking too much, then the quiet person in the relationship feels bulldozed over and they feel like the other person’s not actually listening. So the best way to diffuse that lie or myth that could potentially be something that’s a temptation to send for the quiet person is for the talkative person to repeat back what has been said. And that proves essentially to the other person that there’s someone worthy of being trusted, that they’re actually are listening to them when they communicate.

Now, the quiet person needs to stay the course. They need to seize the moment when there’s a pause and they need to speak and they need to speak their mind in love and clarity. And when the talkative person allows them to do that, the quiet person feels respected and there’s real communication happening. But if both people aren’t communicating, there’s not communication happening. Right. And then there’s conflict increasing. And just because the quiet person walks away without engaging in the conflict doesn’t make them better.

It doesn’t make them right. They need to stay the course and work it out. We’re not to let the sun go down in our anger. We are to resolve conflict. Now, you may be feeling like you’re getting some serious marriage counseling right now because all of this applies directly to marriage. And a lot of times opposites attract in marriage. And so one of you might be the talkative person and one of you might be the more quiet person. So let’s think about that in terms of your marriage.

We’ll do another episode just on that. Yeah, but I think this is important to think about.

So before we dive into how to disabuse yourself from yelling, right. How to diffuse yourself as a parent, this is the little parenting portion of this podcast. OK, there is a word in Galatians Chapter six that is important for every parent to essentially be thinking on meditating on on a regular basis, if not daily. And I mean, just read it to says brothers. If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted, bare one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. So this is really an important word for parents because do we deal with catching our children in transgressions? Transgression is another word for sin. Do we deal with sin all day long? Oh yeah. It’s the main job of the parent is to be constantly restoring our children, leading them through that confession, repentance, restoration, through prayer and all of that. Right. And so we if anyone is caught in any transgressions of any of your kids, are caught in any transgression. You who are spiritual. Right. So you’re mediating. You’re watching this. And you should be more spiritually mature than your child. Lord willing, you should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. Yelling is not a spirit of gentleness.

And then it warns us, it says keep watch on yourself. So don’t just be looking at your kids constantly going, you’re insane. You’re insane, don’t you? To says keep watching yourself, lest you to be tempted. Because isn’t it true that when our kids are yelling that we are also somewhat provoked or tempted to yell back? This says keep watch on yourself, less you too be tempted, bear one another’s burdens. So when I hear that bear one another’s burdens, I think of what love is. Love is long suffering. It is patient, it is kind, is gentle, it is self-control. We are to bear with one another with long suffering. So we need to be patient with our kids. We need to understand that they’re not just going to get it like that. They need to be taught these skills. They need to practice them over and over and over again. We need to be taught them. We need to practice them. Right. And so we will fulfill the law of Christ. And then here’s the next verse, which is verse three. It says, For if anyone thinks he has something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Woah. So remember, this is why we always take it back to what you model for your kids, you cannot be a hypocrite for if anyone thinks he is something he this is very dangerous.

We need to be humble as parents when we’re correcting our kids for yelling. We need to say, hey, I know I’ve struggled with this at times and this is not OK. So maybe if this is like a new thing for you, maybe you have a home that is yelling where it’s not just you like your kids are yelling at each other and you’re they’re yelling at you and you’re yelling at them. Maybe that’s your atmosphere in your home. You need have family meeting and you sit down and you read this passage of scripture with them and you humbly repent. You need confess to them that you realize that what you have done is wrong and that you know that you can’t expect them to be treating one another biblically. If you haven’t been leading them in that, you need to repent to them and say, hey, guys, I’ve been super convicted that I haven’t actually been parenting you biblically in regards to how we deal with conflict. And I’m really sorry. I’m sorry that I haven’t done it right. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I want to love you guys. Well, I want to lead you guys well, and I don’t want you to continue this pattern on in your future families.

So we need to work together on this. Are you guys in would you like to talk about things more calmly or do you like the yelling? Do you know what I mean? And if you have little little kids, you can make this conversation much more understandable. Yeah. How does it feel when Mommy yells, how does it feel when your brother yells at you or when your sister yells at you or when your daddy is at you? We don’t like that, do we? You know, so you just bring it down a notch in your conversation level so that they can understand. You give them a voice, you let them talk about how it makes them feel when they’re yelled at, go. OK, so I don’t want to do that anymore. Do you want to yell do you want to make other people feel the way you just described? And they’ll be like, no, OK, so let’s pray together, let’s hold each other accountable. And that’s a whole nother topic. We’ll do another episode on about inviting your kids and giving them permission to call you out when you do send in these ways. Right. Because that’s an important conversation also. But diffusing yourself with yelling.

So you need to start, first of all, not the day a lot of people start the day in their flesh. What I mean by that is the not starting in the spirit. There’s only one or the other. Are you starting in the spirit or are you starting in the flesh, meaning you’re doing things on your own and you’re going through your day and you’re just running the day.

Or are you starting by surrounding the day to God in your prayers, reading the word, filling your mind with the good seeds and then asking God to help you in this area and others and give you wisdom today in your parenting and other things. And so it’s so important to start the day right. If you want to win the day, meaning no yelling, then you’ve got to include God, because on our own, we’re going to fail. We’re going to fall, we’re going to make mistakes. But with God, he can the Holy Spirit in you.

Wow, that’s amazing. And all of us believers have the Holy Spirit. Isn’t that beautiful? That’s amazing. But are you really relying on the Holy Spirit so the Holy Spirit can work through you?

Yeah. So start your day out, right. That’s the first number one most important tip. The second thing would be when you screw up, you need to confess it and you confess it to the person that you have sinned against and offended. And you need to apologize and you need to be sincere and genuine and you need to really think about this. So that can be a heartfelt, genuine apology. OK, not just sorry. And we need to we need to expect that from our kids, too. OK, so it starts with mom and dad and then trickles down to the kids. And it’s an expectation that we’re able to hold them to because we’re doing it ourselves. Right. And then we need to repent to God. We need to pray. Confessing is another aspect that, yes, you confess the person you’ve ascended to. But if this is a constant issue for you, I would say that accountability is like the the third or fourth thing that I would say is the most important aspect of this. You want to confess it to another sister in Christ, maybe your husband.

Hey, could you ask me the next time we see Each other if I’ve been yelling or if I have not been yelling better at that? I will always tell you the truth and only ask for accountability if you really are going to tell the truth.

That’s right. So to end this podcast, you guys, we want to just end with a psalm as a prayer for all the parents out there that are struggling with their yelling in their home. And it’s going to be Psalm 141:3, which says, set a guard. Oh, Lord, over my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart inclined to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in the company, with men who work in equity. Let me not eat of their delicacies. Let a righteous man strike me. It is a kindness. Let him rebuke me. It is oil for my head. Let my head not refuse it yet my prayers continually against their evil deeds and just continues on you guys. But I just want to. I encourage you that we need to be praying the word of God, specifically be praying scripture for ourselves, because this is a matter of self-control that requires the Holy Spirit help, especially if you’ve been raised in a home where maybe this is a legacy thing, maybe this is a generational sin that you struggle with that has been passed down from one generation to another.

Be honest about that. And just give it to God, so, father, we just thank you for this time that we’ve had together and we just ask Lord that you would give us self-control, that you would give us your heart to be able to love our kids. Well, to work on these things that we struggle with, to be able to lead them. Lord, if if any parent listening right now, this is a generational sin, I just pray that that would just that your spirit would overshadow them, that it would go before them and help them to create a new legacy. God, we thank you so much for your word and all the guidance, the truth, the exhortation that it gives to bring life, to honor people, to really love one another well and have long suffering and to forgive one another well. So, God, I pray that as these parents are dealing with conflict in their homes between their kids, that you would just give them the wisdom and how to mediate, how to teach their children the biblical principles that will lead to life and biblical friendships with one another for the rest of their lives.

Amen. Well, thanks for joining us. And we hope you join us in the next parenting mentor program. And if you haven’t checked out the homeschool blueprint yet, CourageousParenting.com also has all the notes from this and so forth. So we’ll see you next time.

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Scripture In This Episode:

Ephesians 6:1-4 – “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

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Full Transcript:

Hi, guys, welcome to the podcast, we are on the road, aren’t we, honey?

Yeah, we are in northern Idaho right now.

Yeah. So if the audio quality isn’t as good as usual, it’s because we’re using iPhones today. But the content should be, Lord willing, outstanding. I hope so. Yeah. Praise God. He’s so good. So we’re so glad you joined us while we’re on the road here and maybe you’re on the road. I love driving, by the way, on the side note, because you get so much thinking done and if you have kids with you, you get to talk to him. A deep conversation, which is amazing. So we’re talking about how to stop the yelling in your home.

And you’re like, wait a minute, how do you know we have yelling in our home? well, are you human? Now.

It is possible there’s not yelling in some homes out there. And for you, we congratulate you. But I think at times people can lose their cool and it can happen with parents and it can happen with kids. And usually when one or the other happens, both happen.

That’s right. I mean, the reality is we were just talking about how important it is to recognize that as parents, you know, obviously we don’t know at all and we aren’t perfect.

Right. We did a podcast on no perfect parents allowed to go listen to that one, because that one kind of goes along with this one. It’s a good message, too.

But the reality is that all humans, whether you’re a parent or a child or a young adult or single or a grandparent, we all have the tendency when we’re in fellowship with one another, like we’re walking through life together to rub each other the wrong way, to offend one another, to provoke one another. Right.

And the Bible has some warnings in scripture for us as parents, but those are good warnings for all people, not just fathers.

And think about the uncertain world we’re living in and all the changes are happening, all that conflict happening in our world.

Don’t you want your kids to be supremely good at handling conflict? Don’t you want them to be more mature than the average person out there so that they can help diffuse conflict and lead in that? See, that’s so important. A lot of times we get we can get really caught up in the day today and the tomorrow in the week, in the month when really part of having vision is is motivating because it’s thinking about how I want my kids to be someday and then tying that into today’s realities. And how do we alter today’s realities from our influence to catapult a better path in an area for kids and their futures. And so that is what this is about. And we want our kids to look at our marriages and go, I want that. And do you want your kids yelling at each other when they’re married? I don’t think we want any of that. So there’s different levels of struggle people have with this in their families in different ways. But I’m sure the things we’re talking about will help everybody in some ways.

And I would say to that, this should if if anything else, this should help you to have compassion and grace with other people who are in different places, in their family units, maybe don’t operate how yours do if this is something that you guys have mastered. Right. And and even I say this because a lot of people, we all have experiences from growing up to right those things affect our parenting. They can either affect it in a good way or bad way. And that is our choice. That’s our opportunity for growth. Right, to decide, hey, I’m not going to continue this legacy or this generational sin or I’m I’m going to or some people just naturally just do what has been done to them or what they experienced in their life because they were trained up in it.

And it becomes their natural way of being because they weren’t trained in discipline. And when I say disciplined, think of like a someone who’s working out and they have discipline and they go every day to the gym. Right. Like, that’s a person of discipline. And so we are all disciplined in something. OK, and so we’ve either been disciplined in practicing good behavior regarding communication or in bad behavior regarding communication. And so we have to be honest about our upbringing, our training, if you will, and what we’ve been disciplined in so that we can take a really good, accurate view of ourselves first, because this is what this message always starts with. We always need to look at ourselves and then we want to look at our marriages. We want to have communication about this like, oh, honey, where do you think I need to get better at this? And vice versa. And then. You take it into your communication with your children and we have a couple of verses that we’re going to share with you guys regarding this just just to kick it off. Right. OK, so, Isaac, do you want to read from first Colossians three twenty one.

Yeah. Thanks for picking them out today. Yeah.

Have fathers do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged. I love that verse. It is so important. And I would say it’s mothers too. Yeah. And so it’s super important.

We have to really take that to heart because we don’t realize how deeply we might be discouraging our kids. Discourage discouraged isn’t just a moment thing. Discourage can be scars that stay with kids and you never know what kind of moments will be those memories that last a long time. You don’t want to create the wrong ones, right?

I mean, we were just talking about this like how anybody can provoke anybody to sin, right? In that sense of like we’re all humans and we all can push each other’s buttons at times. And we as the person that is potentially being tempted or being provoked, being maybe being yelled at or or whatnot, maybe not being appreciated, you’re constantly working. I know that as a mom, I’ll just speak up for moms because we work a lot. Right. Or constantly changing diapers, cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking la la, la, la. And to be doing that constantly and maybe not getting appreciation, that can be the beginning of the provoking to maybe snapping. Right. And especially if there is unappreciation and then there’s attitude back from kids that can really snap into yelling or or depending on the person’s conflict strategy, they might become really sad and quiet and discourage themselves. They might be provoked into that. And then they might just stop doing what they were doing before, stop caring for the family in the way that they were. Right.

Yeah. And so we just need to be aware that and we need to teach our kids this is this is the key part of this, is that when we’re raising our kids up, you guys, we have to talk to them.

We have to communicate to them how relationships work because they’re not born, just knowing how relationships work. Think about a newborn baby. They come out. The only way they can communicate is by crying and yelling and screaming. Right. And hopefully moms are responding at a point where the baby doesn’t come to a place of screaming because that’s actually where it begins. I believe if you are responsive to your child and you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with them, that actually sets the tone for their toddler years as well. Because if you don’t respond to them. Right, and then what it does is it trains your child that they actually have to scream bloody murder to get your attention.

And we don’t want to create pathways of training them that way. But before we fully dive in here, we just appreciate you being part of the one million Legacy’s movement. It is so powerful what God is doing.

And every time you share, every time he goes five star review, all it takes is a tap on iTunes. Every time you recommend it really helps perpetuate the movement. Every time you purchase something, it helps us keep going. So we really appreciate that. Also, notes and everything encourages CourageousParenting.com Feel free to get them there and we’re going to dive in. So the first point is treat your kids how you would want to be treated. And then another point to that is treat them how they would want to be treated. There’s actually a difference and both are right?

Right. And so this actually is based upon the second commandment, right?

Jesus said the first commandement is to love the Lord, your God with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself, not meaning that you’re going to be loving your neighbor the way that you would want to be loved, but meaning that you would love your neighbor in a sense that you would want to be loved the way you want to be loved.

So everybody everybody’s differently and everybody has different conflicts, strategies. It’s good to study. That’s good to understand the different personalities, because every negative conflict strategy of every personality is equally challenging. But some of them are more overt, some of them are more apparent and certain people, it doesn’t make it OK, but some people just get quiet and don’t and don’t involve themselves.

And some people interrogate and get critical, critically minded. Some people get really angry.

It’s more overt and they stomp off and the speeches still scream and yell. And some people are more manipulative with screaming and yelling. So or emotions or emotional, manipulative, manipulation, things like that.

Now there’s some generalization. There’s all kinds of varying things in between. But it’s good to understand that and all equally bad because you can have some kids. Just stop involving themselves and think you have another kid that’s outwardly angry and you always only tend to the negative of the outwardly angry person, so you really have to see what’s going on inside their hearts. You have to ask questions to really understand. This is about yelling. So it is about those personalities that are more overt, pretending to yell. And you have to also know your personality and how you’re wired. A lot of marriages marry people who are different than them, and you do that on purpose in a lot of ways they think. But it’s it’s pretty cool because we can complement each other. But wherever we’re different, there’s also a potentiality for friction. And so we need to embrace who we are, how God made us embrace our government, our kids, and embrace how God made our spouses. And that is a big step to being able to treat people how you would want to be treated. But then also keeping in mind how are they different and how might they want to be treated differently than me and communication. Yeah, it’s a huge deal.

And I think that so what we’re talking about here, you might be going, wow, this is this is really good, like just talking about the different conflict strategies of kids.

And and you might be thinking, oh, well, which one of my kids lands and which in which one to our land and where does my spouse land. All good questions. Maybe we can go into that more in depth in a different podcast sometime.

But you guys, the point that we’re trying to make is that it’s important that you evaluate and that you specifically train your kids up in understanding how to communicate. And if we aren’t doing that, then we and then we’re expecting good behavior.

We’re expecting them to have self-control over their temper, for example.

But yet we haven’t taught them what the Bible says about having self-control over their thoughts, taking every thought captive. We haven’t taught them that self-control is a for the spirit that Jesus can help them. If we haven’t we haven’t modeled that for them and we haven’t taught them what the word says and we haven’t taught them about. Yeah, you and your sister just communicate very differently because you are wired differently. And that’s OK. No one needs to change to be more like you. You don’t need change to be like them. You just need to understand that you’re communicating differently and be more patient and have long suffering with one another. Understanding this is actually preparing them for all of their relationships in the future. That’s what the family is, right? Like the family relationships are the core of society. They are also a training ground in an image bearer of the family of God. This is where our kids get to practice and experience being who they are. And we as parents need to let them be who they are, but also train them up and teach them how to operate, understanding what their temptations to sin are and to choose to have self-control in the moment, how to recognize their physiological symptoms of when they’re heading into conflict and that they would learn tactics or skills they can use so that they don’t wind up blowing up. Because that’s what we’re really talking about today. How to prevent yelling from happening in your home. So I’m going to read from Ephesians chapter six, verse one through four, the focus versus actually on verse four, which is to parents.

But I think that it’s important that we recognize that in this little section and these four verses, God’s talking to both children and mothers and fathers. Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. Don’t we want that for our kids? We want them to be able to live long on the earth to experience getting married, having a family of their own, having the joys of fulfilling the purposes that God created them for. Figuring out who they are. This this is an exciting thing, you guys. But they God gives them a promise here, says honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with the promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. So it’s time in that Old Testament scripture that’s still fully relevant today, fully in place today, because Jesus did not come to extinguish the law. He came to fulfill it. Here we are in Ephesians in the New Testament and he’s bringing that in again. Then in verse four says, And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This is the thing warning to parents, obviously it says fathers, but to both parents not to provoke your children to wrath. What’s wrath?

Yeah, wrath is anger. And here’s the thing. When you’re in wrath, however that looks for any person is you’re beside yourself. You literally are not completely in control of yourself. Sometimes you might think you’re in control, but the control you have is to continue wrath and you might be making decisions on the next wrathful statement to make. But until you cool down, until you remove yourself temporarily from the situation and get some insight, pray, you know, read the Bible, put worship music on, take a walk, you need to do that. So if things are. Screening in your mind and your heart, you can you can feel the physiological triggers that could be happening. I have this vein right here. You can see it if you’re on the video, but it starts pulsing.

So if he gets upset, so unfortunately, I have a really easy indicator everybody can see that’s probably helpful for me in the jaw clenching. Yeah, absolutely.

And we and I have a scowl. And so, like, everybody has their thing that they do. And, you know, one day I was I was I, I was pretty upset about something and I could tell that I was scowling. Right. It’s kind of like what I look like when I’m squinting my eyes because the sun kind of like right now.

And I decided, Angie, you need to go look at what your face is. So I try to freeze my frame face and go stand in front of the mirror. And I looked at myself and I went, oh, I can get kind of scary looking when I’m mad. And it just was super convicting to me because that’s what my children see if I am upset or offended by them. Right. And if you listen very closely to our first Four Seasons podcasts, which are really good, by the way, if you to listen to those, we have some on why your children don’t obey you and how to get your kids to respect you. Those are essential, like the respect one is about showing your kids respect first, because that’s where they learn and then they reciprocate it. Right. And so I’m bringing that up because that’s the main theme of that podcast.

That was our what are like our fourth podcast. We did a fantastic podcast, one of the most popular.

And you guys, that’s what this comes down to, is when we understand that our role is not that our kids would be perfect and that they have perfect behavior. And we like if you want your kids to have good behavior, then you’re going to have to put in the work. And the work is in teaching and in training in the Senate in the sense of sitting down and communicating with them and talking to them and helping them to have perspective. Let me give you an example.

So and one of our kids is having a hard time and he gets in a fight with one of his siblings. This just happened this morning. One of the kids lost their temper. They got a little physical. It was one of our little ones. He got a little physical with one of his older brothers because he told them no on something. And I had to go and have a talk with them.

And I said, listen, first of all, how would you like it if that brother did that to you? How would you like it if he treated you that way? Oh, I would. That would hurt. And I was like, yeah. So you need to treat him the way you want him to treat you. That’s the second commandment. That’s what we’re talking about. Right? As soon as the kids get oh, I don’t like it if my sibling yells at me. Yeah. So I shouldn’t get then yell at them. It’s like a light bulb goes on. But we as parents can’t just expect our kids to know that most adults don’t even know this right beside themselves.

And they are having a hard time getting out of the angry feelings and emotional outbursts and these kind of things. So they need their own mechanisms. You need to help them learn how to cool down, teach them and teach them about girls and learn it might be different for different kids. I mean, you have to treat them uniquely. One kid, it might be, you know, go into his room and kind of cooling down. But in an emotional outburst, if you’re like “go to your room!”, you know, and yelling at them, that’s going to just I mean, cause a slammed door potentially behind. But instead you’re you’re talking with them.

It’s not necessarily it’s not time to punish you. It’s not time to pick the discipline and it’s not time to figure all that out. It’s time to help them teach them there’s a bigger purpose here, teach them how to get out of being emotionally charged and how to cool down.

And it might become a positive to take a break in the room versus a negative.

I have to tell you guys, like, there isn’t a lot of like having to give consequences to our kids, because usually when we talk about things, it just doesn’t really happen very often anymore. Now, of course, there’s some things that are habits, right. That are hard, harder to break. And that’s where you as parents get to have patience and you grow in your long suffering as you’re walking through your kids, figuring out how to have self control over whatever bad habit it is. Right.

But I will say that the number one reason I believe I this is an opinion, OK?

The reason I believe so many people struggle with having peace in their home and they struggle with their being yelling in their home is simply because those parents don’t take the time to do the hard work.

Which is what I mean by the hard work, is that it’s actually not physically hard. What it is, is that it’s it’s patient work takes time. They take it takes time. They don’t take the time to be patient and to sit and to listen and to have those communication conversations. Yes. That’s what this is really about, as if you were having more conversations with your kids. And this is something that we’ve learned from experience over the last twenty years, you guys, if you take the time to talk it out. If you take the time to listen to your kids and then you then you say, OK, now can I have a moment to share some of my observations with you?

They’re usually pretty reasonable and they listen.

Now, here’s what’s really important not to do as you’re listening. Sometimes parents can restock the fire. You can restoke by pulling out in front of them. It starts to fizzle down and then you go, boom. But this and then. And then there’s anger again. And kids do that to each other. Right. To it, to their parents. So so we all do this.

And it’s important to really one of the worst things you can do is make someone not feel heard or listened to in conflict. And some people need to say a lot of words before they actually feel heard. This is personality driven too, and some people say very few words and they feel heard. And some people it takes a lot of trying to get any words out so that then they feel heard. And so there’s different approaches with different people. And you got to learn your kids and you got to understand and don’t impose the way you are, which is maybe like me, if I could have a tendency of not wanting to hear too many words, OK, so I have to have to have longsuffering, have to stay the course and have to have this conversation in my head, or this person needs to tell me lots of words.

Even if I already got it. I’m quick. I got it. I understand what’s going on. If I say something right now and say I got it, that’s going to put them in further emotional termoil.

Right, because they will be like you can’t get it. I didn’t even tell you. And you don’t know what I was going to say. Right. And so how many of your kids might potentially be thinking that and they just need to get quiet because you’re the parent and you’re like, no, I told you, go to your room or you’re grounded or whatever. Right? And they go away and they think, my parents aren’t listening to me. They don’t know what was going on. They don’t really like it. Literally, one thought spirals into another because the kids haven’t been taught how to take their thoughts captive under the obedience of Christ.

And let’s talk about depression for a second. We’re not experts in depression by any means, but let’s talk about depression for a second. So if the kid goes to the room and then they go on the spiral and just talking about they go, my mom or my dad doesn’t understand me, and then they take it a step further because we’re in emotional, we start taking things too far and then we go, they don’t know me. And then we might take it a step further as a kid and go, nobody knows me. And then they take it a step further and go, Nobody likes me, I’m not worthy.

And they take all these steps. And it could be triggered by a consistent riff with parents in a consistent way parents are dealing with them, gets them to start believing on these lies, because what’s the enemy trying to do is trying to help them believe lies. So you don’t want to feed the enemy believing lies because you can’t have self-control and conflict with your kids and therefore you can’t guide them and teach them out of losing control.

So what’s interesting about this verse, I think is really important, and that’s just dawned on me is it says in you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath. But but in when it says but here, it’s almost like it’s saying, but instead do this, OK, so don’t provoke them. Don’t provoke your children to wrath. But so here’s like the actual answer for how to raise your kids the opposite of provoking them Drath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. What’s the admonition of the Lord? It’s understanding what God’s word says. If you’re not teaching what God’s word says and you’re not equipping them, it’s not even just about teaching them, you guys. It’s it’s equipping them with how to communicate in a way that is kind. I mean, think about all the verses out there that say, as far as it is, as far as it is possible for you to be at peace with everyone, there’s verses on being kind and tender hearted and loving toward one another. In fact, let’s read one of them. It’s in Ephesians four, right. I think verse twenty nine says no, let no corrupt one word proceed out of your mouth. But what is good for necessary edification that it may impact grace to your he hearers and then it just continues on.

It says let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. The reality is as if you’re not walking in this and you’re not walking and being kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another in your marriage. Yeah.

If you’re not being kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another to your kids, even as God in Christ forgave you, then your kids are not seeing the gospel and they’re not going to be attracted to you. Just say no, you need to believe in Jesus. If you’re not walking out the things that are in the word of God, this would be the admonishing. What was it? Oh. Admonition of the Lord. Right, so just thinking about what is the Bible actually say, we’re good.

And and we need to just remember that in this we are we are responsible for one modeling what the word says two teaching our kids what the word says, and three, equipping them with the tools of what the word says so that they can live a better life.

Amen. So we have covered one of the four key so far. So this is a two part series. And the second key was, is about yelling louder. And when we think that’s working and why it never works. And we’ll talk about that.

And then part two, we have two great tips for you. Train your kids on how to effectively communicate in conflict and how to diffuse yourself from yelling how to prevent that in the first place. So let’s finish this second tip and then we’ll be on our way. But this has been a stimulating conversation for I’m sure it’s helped a lot of you. So sometimes we fool ourselves to go in. The second point here that yelling louder works.

So there’s yelling going on and then the parent comes in with the bravado, not in a positive way, and they really lay it on and everybody gets quiet.

I know that I have the ability to do that. I know that Angie has the ability to do that. I am. And we try to make sure we don’t do that because what we’ve seen is, although it looks like it works, everybody gets quiet, everybody listens. And you can see inside yourself.

Oh, yeah. Good thing I spoke louder. It works. And you know what? It doesn’t work. It fails because. Yeah, you got their attention through intimidation. Yeah. You got their attention through being extremely angry and sinning. Yeah. You got their attention. OK, they’re quiet. They’re submissive right now. But why are they submissive.

Not because of love. It’s because of fear.

So you never want to do that. You don’t want to make them sick. If you’ve made that mistake, repent and ask for forgiveness. Ask for God to give you wisdom because he will help you with that.

It’s just not a way to be. A better way is to lead in the opposite way, gentle, quiet, with reasoned eye contact, separating people, listening, listening carefully, trying to understand, diffuse the situation with your calmness, not with your emotional lack of self-control that you think is self-control. And it worked. And so you keep doing it so we can anchor ourselves to be motivated to have bad behavior on a consistent basis with our family. And you don’t want to do that. Just because something appears to work doesn’t mean it’s working.

I think that it’s really important that people hear us say this. This phrase this phrase is, in my mind.

No where in scripture does it tell parents to control their homes like in a controlling way? That is a fleshly, arrogant, prideful, self-motivated action would be control.

Yeah, it does say that is to say a wise woman builds her home. That’s very different than controlling. And the important thing that we need to realize is that if we want to equip our kids to have strong marriages, to be good parents themselves, then we have to have that.

That’s key element that Isaac was just talking about in the element is humility, humility of when we do mess up where quick to apologize. We’re quick to change where quick are you quick. Are you honest?

You know, so many times in the podcast we’ve encouraged you guys to take the rose tinted glasses off and look at your kids. We got to take the rose tinted glasses off and look at yourself first. Yeah. And when your kids see you as a humble leader who loves them and wants what’s best for them, because that is what’s communicated to them, that you are on their team, that you want to equip them, that communication like this is dangerous and unhealthy and that you want to teach them how to have good communication habits. All of a sudden everything changes because they see your heart, they see your motivation, they see your intention. It’s not that you’re overly concerned with being embarrassed because of their bad behavior in public is that you actually love them and you want them equipped so that they can have a successful life full of good, healthy, godly, biblical relationships.

So just what behaviors might be anchored in your life that you think are good but are really bad that are that work in the short term, but in the long term are sowing discord, sowing?

My parents don’t know me, do understand me. I don’t have freedom to share. You know, ask questions and share, you know, aspects of who I really am and all these things, we don’t want any kind of fear based environment in our homes. And if you have validated yelling because everybody gets quiet and they finally listen to you, then you might be creating a fear based environment in your home. I know that’s something that Angie and I have purposed not to do in our family. We worked really hard on it.

Do we make mistakes at times? Do you make mistakes at times with things? Sure. But we have to be quick to repent, quick to apologize so that the kids then are recalibrated to go, oh, what Mommy did or what Daddy did was wrong. That’s not the way to be. If you don’t guess what you’re saying to them, that is the way to be.

And you’re a hypocrite. If you’re trying to hold them accountable for not losing their temper when you’re losing your temper like that just is not acceptable. It’s flat out not acceptable.

It’s one of the best ways to provoke your children, which the Bible commands you as parents, not to provoke your children. And so I I think this is a really huge topic.

We have covered quite a lot in this first episode. We will talk about it some more in the next God.

So good. We were thinking, what could we talk about? And, you know, when you’re on the road trip, there’s all kinds of things going on. Our kids are in the RV behind us and.

Yeah, and they’re awesome. But it’s but it’s just amazing how the spirit leads and boom. I think this might be the best episode we’ve ever done.

I think I think that we’d love to hear your thoughts on the practicality of it and the reality of this and families.

And if we solve this, the positive repercussions of this is just so great.

Yeah. So in the next episode, we’re going to give you guys some tips and tools on how to cultivate a more peaceful environment in regards to. So the contrast of a yelling environment and some really key strategies that I think are going to be helpful for you guys moving forward.

So, hey, share the movement and we appreciate it, guys. Blessings.

See you next time.

CourageousParenting.com

Scripture In This Episode:

Revelations 22:18-21 – ^“For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life, from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming quickly.” Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus! The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.”

John 17:14-19 – “I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth.”

2 Timothy 3:10 –  ^“But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, love, perseverance, persecutions, afflictions, which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra—what persecutions I endured. And out of them all the Lord delivered me. Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.”

Hebrews 10:24 – “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,”

James 3:1 – “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.”

Galatians 6:9 – “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

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Full Transcript:

Welcome to Courageous Parenting podcast, a weekly show to equip parents with biblical truth on raising confident Christian kids in an uncertain world. Hi, I’m Angie from Courageous Mom, and I’m Isaac from Resolute Man. We’ve been married 20 years and have seen the fruit in raising our eight kids biblically.

Based on the raw truth found in the Bible, we can no longer let the culture win the hearts of children. Too many children from Christian families are walking away from the faith by age 18. And it doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. Join us as we start an important conversation about effective parenting in a fallen world.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast and part two of how to stay motivated parenting in an uncertain world. And I just want to say that all of these episodes stand alone, even if they’re part of a series. So you can easily listen to this one and then go back to listen to the first couple of keys. Yeah, or either way, yeah.

So you guys, we’re talking about a really relevant topic today. A lot of parents are potentially becoming overwhelmed or they’re discouraged or they just simply don’t know what is the best decision to make. And in many different things. Right. Like should my kids do sports or not? Should they go to school or not? Should they do other activities or not? I mean, the stuff with there’s just so many uncertain things going on. And then, of course, you’ve got the government potentially impressing upon people extra rules and regulations and all those things. And so parenting is challenging right now.

It is. We just had friends, just made me think of this that just told us they were in a park with extended family and there was police officers that asked them to put masks on and was handing them out and threatened them with a fine. If they didn’t, they’re going to sleep this completely outdoors, lots of open space. So anyways, there is depending where you live, there’s some imposition happening there.

Just a little setback. It was a little surprised because they were more in nature than than you had just another example of, you know you know, we’re in uncertain times.

There’s strange things happening. And sometimes that can be discouraging as your parenting, right?

Yep, exactly. So imagine being with your kids and then you’re approached by a police officer. So I think that, you know, as parents, there’s a need for encouragement and that’s what we want to dive into today. So in the first podcast, we talked about the first two out of five things that can be an encouragement for staying motivated in your parenting. I’m going to say end times. Yeah, I mean, it is an uncertain world, but we’ve been an end times since Jesus left. And the first one was to stop seeking approval from other people and to just find your approval and your worth in the Lord and the Lord seeking his wisdom and his will not seeking or allowing other people’s opinions to sway you from what you know, God wants you, the marriage alignment and so forth.

And the second one was it’s important to have a long term vision. Otherwise you make inferior choices today that land you somewhere you don’t want to be in the future because it takes harder decisions. Usually it’s the hardest choice. That is your better decision in most cases.

That’s right. So before we dive into the third point, I’m going to open it up by reading Hebrews ten twenty four. Wonderful. So if you flip with me to Hebrews ten twenty four, if you have your Bible, if you’re not driving of course actually must start in verse twenty three because I just really, you know, if it were up to me I’d read the whole chapter.

You guys know me but we are going to start at verse twenty three, let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering. Amen. Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering. Do not waver for he Jesus who promised is faithful. We can’t forget that you guys in the midst of all these crazy things happening, God is faithful always. He is unchanging.

I can just imagine a parent listening. But Angie, how do I not waver? All these things are going on. I know this is so hard. You have to think about more things. I’m doing. More things is more pressure on me than ever. I know. So how do you not waver?

Well, here’s the answer and let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another and so much more as you see the day approaching.

Ok, so how do you do that when churches are only streaming in some places? You can’t actually go to church. This is a really big issue you guys. So your marriage is more important than ever. First of all, we talked about that in the last episode so you can go back and listen.

But so are biblical friendships and wise counsel. You actually have to get together. You have to step out of your comfort zone.

And I would say even even in small groups, get together in person and encourage one another in the Lord.

You’re going to need you guys. We all need it at times. And the reality is this is obeying scripture, OK?

This is Hebrews 10, 23 or 24. This is how we hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering because God is faithful. But we also stir one another up to love and good works. All of that while we’re meeting together.

It’s like a pot, you know, with all the ingredients, they’re separated. And if you don’t stir it, it just doesn’t taste good at all. No, it’s not good.

Like you have beef in one corner, and the onions in the other.

Cause you can teach the kids with the scripture, by the way, and then you have the kid stir it and the wonderful aroma comes out. Yeah. And it tastes so good because it’s mixed together.

Right. That’s such a good analogy, Isaac.

Well I’m just reading scripture. I’m just listening. Stirring up. Right.

Stirring up. No, I love that. Makes it so together we’re better.

Oh, I just love this like stone soup know. But I love that. I think about the like when I make chillier I make soup. Right. I’m putting in I’ll throw in a teaspoon or tablespoon of cumin depending on the size of the pot and make. Yeah. Imagine if you didn’t stir that and it just sat there or like time and you it’s like a spoon it and you get this big chunk of spice and you’re like, it’s like we’re each an ingredient or two.

But when you put it together it’s way better. It’s like each of the each of us has spiritual gifts, but without other people’s spiritual gifts pressing upon us.

And in joining with us in our Decision-Making, we’re just going to be inferior in what we’re doing well and will waver, which is what this says.

It says, Hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering. What’s one of the what would be an example of this for parents? That would be parents. OK, the confession of their hope in in regards to parenting would be knowing what God’s word says about biblical parenting, what their jurisdiction is, and staying firm in the truth of knowing that God chose them to be the parents and that they are the ones that are going to be held accountable by God for teaching them and raising them up in the admonition of the Lord. We know this to be true because that’s what scripture tells us. Right? So if someone is going to hold fast to the confession of their hope. In parenting or hope in salvation or hope in anything, right, that and it all comes back to the word of God, right, because God gives us inspiration in all those areas of our life.

But if we do it without wavering, how do we like you? We have to keep encouraging one another. You guys, this is part of the reason why we’re still doing this podcast.

I don’t think you can not waiver without the Holy Spirit, especially today.

Yeah.

And this Holy Spirit people to exhort you is required and hold you accountable.

Yeah. And we all have been given the Holy Spirit this wonderful gift and when we become believers. But it doesn’t mean we’re relying on the Holy Spirit, doesn’t mean we’re listening to the Holy Spirit and doesn’t mean it’s stirred up in us.

Actually, we actually have to choose to walk in it if we live by it, right. Yeah. And it’s and there’s going to be fruit. We have to judge the fruit and other people.

We don’t want to go get unwise counsel. Right. We want to be wise. We want to get wise counsel.

I just love this passage of scripture, you guys. So going into the third point. Yes. OK, so we covered we recovered the first two very briefly that I love.

I love all that we have written up here is Grow.

That’s the only word. So grow.

No, just kidding. You need too grow to stay motivated.

What is growing mean. It means something is changing. And so we have to embrace change with proactively create change. We have to. And if we’re ones that like just the status quo, we have to change that belief because the status quo isn’t going to help you thrive in the way things are going. Now, there is a status quo of biblical truth that is cool. God is unchanging, sovereign God and controlled everything. His word is unchanging. But how we apply that decisions we make using it, so forth, there’s going to be some adjustments sometimes. And so one of those things, if we are not growing, then we can’t serve our families in the same way as adequately so, so important that we’re always growing. I mean, you felt that. Think of a time where you were really growing. What I mean is you’re learning things about God in the Bible. Maybe you’re reading another book over here and you’re learning things or you’re even learning a skill like how to cook Thai food or something like that, or, you know, how to, you know, tear apart an engine or whatever it is you’re growing. And then you feel more alive, you feel more useful, you feel more confident, and you want to put that knowledge to use. And I think that’s so important because I read a book once where our brains have neurological connections and they’re either connecting in and spreading in our brain and we’re firing more connections or they’re actually disconnecting. So if we’re not growing, what happens is we don’t just let our minds don’t stay in the same fresh, vibrant way of all these neurological connections. They actually start receding. So they’re either receding or you’re making more and new connections in your brain. And the way to do that is to be stimulating your brain and growing. And you’re such a more effective leader and more confident when you’re growing.

That’s how to stay motivated as a parent.

I would say to that when it comes to growing, there’s never been a better time to be in the word of God. That is what you should be growing in, because you’re going to need it to give you guidance and making the hard decisions that you may have to make in the next few years. Yeah. And for you to be able to make them confidently without having wavering, because let’s just be honest. Like our kids need to feel that they are safe. They need to to trust that we’re making secure decisions that are the best decisions possibly for them. Right. And if we are struggling with confidence and if we’re wavering back and forth, think of how much anxiety that could potentially be stirring up in our children. That’s not OK. I as parents, we have to make confident decisions at times that we have to adult. Yeah, right. And so and I know that this might be hard, especially if there’s some younger parents that are listening because you might be going, but I don’t know what to adults with or I don’t know what I should do.

And, you know, I just have to say, sister, brother, we have totally been there. We are still in that same thing.

But this is where you get the confidence, the word of God, not from yourself, not from your opinions, not from your experiences, from the truth, which is unchanging. Yeah. And I just want to encourage you in this, that one of the things when we’re reading Hebrews ten twenty fourth that dawned on me is that parents can become easily distracted or discouraged from parenting. And just that the challenges that there are simply because churches are not necessarily meeting in the same way they used to write, like youth groups are not meeting in the same way that they used to. There’s just different things in different places, different across the board, everywhere in the US right now and in different countries it’s different. And so the truth is. Is that if you’re not going to church regularly and you’re not raising your kids, going to church regularly, that is going to have an impact on their faith.

And so, so important that we realize that this isn’t changing anytime soon. Covid doesn’t appear to be going away. I mean, when the winter hits and the fall hits, where flu season comes out, covid likely will grow also. And there’s two things going on. And so I would just not. Are we hopeful? Yeah, I hope this thing just goes away and things go back to normal. But you know what? We can’t make decisions based on those kinds of hopes when evidence shows something else. OK, and so what’s really important is that we adjust to thrive in the new normal.

We have to learn to live again, and we have to teach our kids how to live again. Yeah, and not only that, but you guys, this is part of what scripture teaches regarding and times. There will be pestilence. There are going to be more naturally. And so do we act in fear? No. Do we parent fear? No. Do we make wise decisions? Decisions? Yes. Do we obey God’s word? Yes. Do we seek approval of others? No. Do we fear men?

No.

There are there are all these things that we know are truths, but plain those out on a day to day basis, issue to issue can be really confusing and overwhelming to people.

And so you have to be grounded in what you know is true in the word. Otherwise you are going to be tossed like the waves of the sea. Oh, yeah. And it’s going to be confusing for your kids. Oh yeah. And I also have to say there’s no better time to be more in the word of God now than ever because your kids need that from you, especially if they can’t go to church. You have to pastor your children. You are always called to do that. But now that there is not even someone to lean on, you need to do it more.

Right. And you might feel that. You feel that pressure.

You might be I realize you might be going, well, how do I adapt? How do I change? What do I need to change? Well well, we we grow. And this episode is preparing you for another episode we have coming up, which is how to proactively make changes as the world is changing. So that’s an episode coming. So I think I’ll be super, super helpful to people.

So let’s, you know, let’s move on to number four. Yeah, OK. Number four is respecting the challenge. I’m going to describe that I Isaac.

So a lot of times we don’t respect the challenges at hand, so we don’t proactively rise up ahead of time to handle what’s happening.

And so we’re always a little bit behind and we always feel like we’re being pulled around by circumstances in our life, which instead, if we ahead of time, respect the challenges at hand of equipping confident Christian kids to launch into the future uncertain world, not today, while we’re in and times and so forth, then we don’t make the right decisions today. When you respect the challenge today, you make better decisions today. So I just think that, you know, it’s what I said before, too, is like, you know, what was normal a year ago may never be normal again. And so as soon as we understand that that might be true, then we just embrace the new normal and we can navigate effectively because we’re respecting the challenges of the new normal as a reality versus a temporary thing. Now, could some of these things be temporary? Sure. But what if they’re not and you’re not responding effectively because you’re not training your kids for the new normal?

I mean, this is a really deep conversation because the reality is, is we know what scripture says, that this whole life is temporary. We are not made for this world. Praise God that we have an eternal home that we will be going to one day. And that is something that we need. That’s, you know, Jesus is who we place our hope in, not in how things are happening today.

I think that that this whole situation with everything, with the riots, with this, a lot of people feel unsafe in the places that they live.

They’re considering moving to different places for various reasons, all kinds of political reasons. Right.

And the reality is we cannot run from in times, actually, no. And it’s got to get worse before Jesus comes back, because that’s what’s predicted in scripture.

If we truly believe the word of God is the word of God and his word will become, I want to take a moment and give you something for free if you haven’t got it already is the date night one. It is a beautiful document you can download that Will have some key questions on it for your date night. Just get in alignment about what’s most important for your family. No matter what time of year, it’s always important to recalibrate. You can get that by going to CourageousParenting.com And subscribing to our mailing list. Also, you can get all of our show notes and. Everything, a CourageousParenting.com, and I also just want to share real quick about the parenting mentor program. So many families are being transformed by going through this. It’s the six week self-paced program with live engagement from us and even direct interaction. So if you want to join us, here’s a little bit more about it and you can find out more at CourageousParenting.com.

Steve and I realized that we were getting too comfortable with the world’s vision of how to raise our children. What Angie and Isaac have done and creating this is literally phenomenal.

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We now have a game plan to how we want to raise our children. We have so many answers to the questions that have been in our mind.

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So here’s a perspective shift real quick. OK, so then if things are going to get worse, then I should embrace the challenges and equip my kids to be able to handle them. Don’t hide them from my kids and equip them.

And that’s exactly why we created the Courageous Parenting Mentor program.

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Yeah. So, you know, I would also encourage you guys that we have to remember we need to remind our kids in respecting the challenge of respecting the challenge that you’re walking through is remembering your purpose in life, right? Yeah, because if you respect the challenge, that’s because you understand that your purpose in life is to know God and to make him known to glorify him. It’s the great commission you are partnering. You get to partner with God in the great commission, in leading other people to Christ before Jesus comes back again so that they can have eternal life with him potentially. Right.

Like, yeah. When you realize that that is part of your purpose and I can literally say that with confidence that that is everyone’s purpose. Right. So we all have these like micro mini purposes, but we all have a collective group commission purpose. That’s something God’s called us all to.

And when we believe that we start equipping our kids to be able to do that, regardless of if they’re wearing a mask or not, regardless of if sports are canceled or not, regardless of if they can go to youth group or not like and and if they are if they are forced to have to be six feet apart. How did they evangelize. Yeah. How do they disciple. How do you know what I mean. Like are you going to be practicing hospitality or are you going to disobey scripture and not practice hospitality because of what’s going on today.

So there’s, there comes a time where you go, OK, is the governing law. I’m supposed to obey authority, but is the governing law trying to get me to disobey what God’s word says first? And you have to reconcile that in your mind. That’s something that you have to literally study Scripture, A ton. And but I just want to encourage something with you guys. For you guys. Isaac and I were talking about this like respecting the challenge. And one of the first verses that came to my mind was in James three one, which says, My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. This has been a scripture that I’ve had on the forefront of my mind since I started writing back in 2008 because I was scared to do it. Isaac kept going, do it, do it, do it. And I was like, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do it.

This is one of the reasons is Angie and I believe this too.

But Angie really believes I don’t want to teach anything that I haven’t already lived out.

It’s like, yeah, now that’s different with homeschooling, though, but that’s like in the ministry side of things, your book and things like that. But in homeschooling, you actually are teaching things you haven’t lived.

Well, I’m well, I’m I’m teaching my kids things that I didn’t know before. Yeah. A matter of having lived them out. It’s a matter of like if I don’t know how to do a certain thing in chemistry, I learn it and then I teach it. Do you know what I mean. Or like that she learns it with them at the same time, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that but that’s different than like what we’re teaching with the parenting program. We never teach. I just I’ve always had just a very I love that fiction that I cannot speak on or teach on things that I’m personally struggling with unless it’s from a point of I’m struggling with this.

Hello people. This. What we should be doing, let’s stir one another up, which I’ve done before, so we only teach what we have experienced. That’s right. But when it comes to James three one, I know that this is speaking to teachers of the faith specifically. But as a woman, that’s not necessarily I I’m not running a big church. I’m not preaching, but I still have the gift of teaching. That’s something that God has given me, something that, by the way, I never wanted.

You’re an amazing teacher. Thanks, babe. Yeah, but that was something that I never wanted. Yeah. And so in my weakness and in the thing I didn’t want, God came out in me, OK? And here I am educating 8 children.

I’m a teacher and that’s my first jurisdiction. I’m teaching many. I’m teaching many. But just we’re talking about parenting in this in this podcast. So that’s what I just like to brag about. You’re so funny.

But James, three one, I think applies to all parents. That’s where I’m going with this. Yeah. James three one applies to all parents because all parents are called to teach their kids about the scriptures, all parents. It says that in Deuteronomy, in Exodus, teach these to your children and to your children’s children and to their children in Deuteronomy six. Go read it.

Ok, you guys, we are teachers. And it says in James three one that we will receive a stricter judgment for what we teach. In addition, I flip over to Matthew 18 six that says, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin. So if you’re teaching something that is not scriptural and it leads your child to sin. Right. OK, so if you it says but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in medicine, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. So I’m talking, Matthew, 18 six.

We’re talking about Bessin respecting the challenge of parenting. God has called us to recognize our influence.

Yes, respecting the challenge is recognizing the influence that God has given to you when he chose you to be a parent, understanding what all the scriptures say in conjunction together, which you can’t know unless you read it, read it, read it.

I think a mistake that happens is people take too much possession over their kids and and so and not enough responsibility over their duty.

Right. And so or, you know, where where do kids get hurt? Sometimes out there when parents take too much possession, they’re not in the spirit. And they forget that these are actually God’s kids. That’s what God’s control. And they overly control the overly overly protect.

Yeah, overprotecting. I would say that like not letting them live, not letting them be a part of the great commission.

Yeah. Yeah. And while they’re in our home, they’re supposed to learn how to be in the world, but not of the world.

We don’t just throw them in to.

That’s not you have to listen to past podcast. But I think this is just a good reminder for parents like.

Whose kids are these again? Yes. God, you know, gave you those, blessed you with your kids. But ultimately, they’re God’s children. They are God’s children. We are to steward them well and to obey God in how we treat and how we equip and bring up his children.

So I do think that, you know, what you said was steward them. Well, I think that there’s a need for clarification or encouragement further in discussing that, because we as parents, obviously, our children are not possessions, which is what you’re saying. Right. And so a thing is something that you would steward. Right. You would take you take care of it. But I do know that what you mean by that, you get to them and to take care of them. But I do think that there is a lack of parents recognizing their jurisdiction and responsibility and the duty that God has impressed upon them and given them when he blesses them with the child.

And we can’t shy away from that. Amen. And we can’t delegate that to other people and we can’t let other governing authorities take that away from us. So there’s ditches on both sides. There is a balance like you guys. We are called to live in harmony and balance of that right where we are teaching our kids to respect authority. But at the same time, we’re also teaching them to obey God first. Yeah, right. And so and part of obeying him. What is God’s commandment? Love the Lord, your God with your whole heart. Mind the one strength and love your neighbor as yourself. That is what we need to be focusing on with our kids.

And that changes everything they do moving forward, regardless of how society is, I think, a practical thing of not respecting the challenges when your kids are disobedient, for example, and you kind of let it slide because you’re tired, you don’t talk to him, you don’t get, you know, eye to eye with them and talk to them about him, explaining to them that it’s sin and what sin does and one, the consequences and the God and, you know, to talk through it with them. I think it’s so important because sometimes we we let up in the end, if you let up some people, probably just it’s not that they purpose.

Some people probably are just tired. And so they let. And I have seen we’ve been in that position where we’ve been tied and we’re like, oh, I can’t deal with the tantrum right now. I mean, how many of you felt that way at a time? Come on, let’s be honest. Yeah, right. But then there’s also the times where parents are potentially going. I don’t know how to have those conversations. I don’t know how to teach my kids about it. And how do you have that conversation with the two year old, a five year old, a six year old? And I would say the easy answer is Romanes road. And you can just Google that. What? The Romans, right. That’s good. I’ll take you Romans to Romans. Six twenty three. Three twenty three. I’ll take you all over Romans to lead them to Christ.

And if you want the deeper version, the parenting mentor program. Yes. Deep into that.

Right. Yeah.

So I also just thought that it would be an encouragement to you guys as we’re talking about the importance of respecting the challenge that we have as parents in today’s society, recognizing that there is a force, an enemy that is against us because we want to live biblically. So you have a red target on your back. If you’re a believer, your kids have a big red target on their back, too. If you’re raising them to know and love Jesus because he we have an enemy. And one of those things that we need to be aware of is the false teachings. We talked about this in one of the previous podcasts. And one of the things that just came to my mind is actually in the last last four verses of the Bible revelation. Mm hmm.

And so I just want to share something with you. It’s Revelation 22. So the very last chapter in the Bible, verse 18. It says “for I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book.” OK, so we’re talking about the Bible here “if anyone adds to these things. God will add to them the plagues that are written in this book.” Mm hmm. Verse 19 says, “And if anyone takes away from the words of this book, of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the book of life, from the holy city and from the things which are written in this book.” And then he has a last two verses, and that’s the end of the Bible and it says, “I’m coming quickly. He who testifies to these things say says, surely I am coming quickly. Amen. Even so, come Lord Jesus, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Be with you all. Amen.”

You know what’s cool about Revelation, too, is that there’s all kinds of things written in the Old Testament that were quoting in revelations before the apostle John on Patmos Island was given the revelation to write revelations.

So it’s really interesting. And you can go back and forth all throughout the Bible as revelations.

It doesn’t quote the past, the past is quoting, for the future for the future is written. I love that. That’s that’s a really great way to explain it. Yeah.

I just want to encourage you guys that we have to respect this word as we’re respecting the challenge of parenting in this day and age and raising our kids biblically. We have to respect the word. That’s what God’s calling us to do in the heart of the Bible is saying don’t take anything out of it and don’t add anything to it. You guys just live by the word. And so respecting the challenge means knowing it. You have to grow. You have to know this so that you can get wisdom from God.

And that goes into our last point, which is we must persevere. There’s going to be so many times in the moment where we feel like letting up or we feel like making an easier decision or things like that. And then we have to we have good decision making skills. Our kids are going to have to have incredibly good decision making skills to navigate the world they’re launching into.

And so if it’s not based on the Bible, if it’s not based on having some counsel around them, if it’s not based on viewing marriage in a complementary and Tarion way where each spouse has gifts and we need to rely on each other if we’re together and work together as a team, if it’s not based on being part of a church where you can trust people and iron sharpens iron with people, then it’s going to be hard for them to persevere.

Maybe that’s why it’s hard for you to persevere. And if you’re wondering, well, how do we do this with covid were part of a big church and we’re streaming the sermons and we’re not meeting with people. And I would just say you have more influence over your situation than you may realize, but it’s going to take you breaking out of your comfort zones to take you asking God for wisdom and to intervene. And you may need to start something. You may need to have a Bible study with people from your church that you actually do meet in person and you just do it. And maybe you need to do a campfire outside to and stay six feet apart. However, you’re supposed to do it, do it, make it happen.

And that’s super important. And in Galatians six, six nine, it says, and let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season, we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

So super important not to lose heart, and we should never lose heart because we have the word of God to encourage us.

Yeah, I also want to just share verse seven, which is a few verses before it says do not be deceived. And we have to be we have to persevere in this. We’re talking about persevering as parents and staying motivated in our parenting in this uncertain world where we can get so distracted because there’s so many big things pulling our attention away, forcing us to have to do research and to make the decisions in the first place, but says do not be deceived.

Yeah, because it also says God is not mocked him and he will not be mocked for whatever a man sows. He will also reap. So what you do in your parenting, what you don’t do in your parenting, you will reap. And not only is that a message for you guys, it’s a message for us. And it’s a message that we have to teach our kids the spiritual law of sowing and reaping, for he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows of the spirit will of the spirit reap everlasting life. And then it says, and let us not grow weary for doing good.

And if you’re around your kids more than usual and you’re getting frustrated, it’s challenging. You have less alone time. Whatever the thing is, you have to go. Wait a minute. What is what is the challenge here? The challenge maybe is your own selfishness. Maybe you need to have a perspective shift and go, I have more time with my kids. How can I make this really effective relationship building productive kingdom minded parenting to equip them for the world that I’m increasingly seeing they’re going to launch into? Yeah, sometimes we just need a perspective shift and it changes everything and it enables us to persevere in doing good for the world.

And guys, you know what? Doing good can be a lot of things. Yeah, it can be a lot of things that can be loving your neighbor. Yeah. Can be taking groceries to a mom that just had a baby. It can be standing up for truth, it can be rebuking someone, it can be holding somebody accountable to the sin that they’ve committed. No, it can be many different things.

Doing good is doing what God calls us to in the word out of love for one another, because we don’t want people to be walking in bondage and we don’t want people to be to not know the gospel and experience the freedom that comes in Christ when we actually are willing to lay down our cross and take up his.

Yeah. And so I just want to encourage you guys. I know this is a hard season. I know that there are people out there that are mad for Christ, mad at Christians for meeting. Right Isaac.

You’ve been predicting this for a long time, that there, you know, there are christians will be called hypocrites by non Christians because they’re meeting together and so forth. Yeah. And sometimes we need to meet still, but we need to be responsible.

We need to be respectful and we need to recognize that, that we are going to have a light and we’re going to be we are still representing Christ. Yeah. And we need to teach our kids that, too.

Absolutely. It’s a fine balance. And we’re all navigating these times together. We don’t know all the answers to everything, but come on here weekly to share scripture, scripture, share experiences and give you as much practical as those who can. So bless you guys.

So you guys take care and we’ll see you next time.

Hey, thanks for listening to this episode. We wanted to quickly tell you about our six week online parenting program.

Isaac and I created a powerful biblical curriculum. Here’s how it works. Each week, Isaac and I release a video with a downloadable parenting packet to make it easy for you and your spouse to incorporate those teachings directly into your parenting.

It’s an incredible program where we cover everything from obedience training to overcoming mistakes most Christians are making. But more than that, it’s an incredible community. You’ll have access to a private online group, live webcast and the courageous parenting text message line where Angie and I can send weekly encouragement straight to your phone.

If you’re interested in joining our next online parenting mentorship program, secure your spot now at CourageousParenting.com.

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