We are thrilled to have our first guests on the podcast, our good friends Aaron & Jennifer Smith who have a Godly message for marriages that has impacted millions of people. Their 12th book, and perhaps most important launches today, called MARRIAGE AFTER GOD. We dive into practical insights on how to have a marriage after God that goes beyond just how to have a great marriage, but how to also use the combined gifts in your marriage for kingdom impact!

Listen in to find out their answers to:

• What is your favorite Date night?
• How do you bring out the best in your spouse?

Below are key points made during the discussion with the Smiths

The vision behind “Marriage After God”

We decided to say yes to something God put on our hearts to create a gathering to encourage marriages. An event called the marriage after God gathering. Using marriage for His kingdom.

• We live in a culture that is anti-marriage right now and there are believers wondering where we fit into all of this. Jesus is building His church and we want to put a fire in believers that there’s a ministry for them to do.
• Your marriage isn’t just for you two, it’s a symbol for the world of the gospel.

What could your marriage do if you turned your hearts towards Him?

Tips to Having a Marriage After God

• It’s an independent selfishly driven world, your book brings it back to a selfless biblical look at marriage.
• What if someone says, “My marriage will never look like that”, what do you say to them. Stop the comparison, God has a unique plan for your marriage.
• We don’t want to covet other peoples spiritual giftings or other peoples ministry. God’s given us specific talents according to their ability. God expects us to us our ability.

Are you being faithful to what you currently have in a Godly way?

https://rumble.com/embed/vapkcb/?pub=cla4x

The Importance of Strong Biblical Community

• Walking autonomously doesn’t work, you need to work together as a team. We can’t do it without strong community.
• If fighting, remind each other that “We’re on the same team”. Which means one or both of us has to dial it down because we are being against each other.

So many people crave community but have so little of it.

• Having relationships where we can share what’s on our hearts and challenges of marriage is crucial. Without community, we wouldn’t be here today. It was other Christians shining a light on their own struggles that started transforming the way we saw ourselves.
• Walking autonomously isn’t just rebellious, it’s disobedient, we are walking opposite of God’s ways. Our marriage should be an example of the unity of the body of Christ.

BUY THE BOOK TODAY

How do we cultivate community?

• Are we being proactive at nurturing relationships with others?
• Hospitality was crucial, it doesn’t matter how big your place is?
• Get vulnerable with each other.
• A majority of the Bible is how to be with other people.
• Be willing to be the initiator.
• Ask someone, “If you ever see sin in me, please tell me”

What would you say if a couple hasn’t put God at the center of their marriage?

• The reality is, God is close.
• The person that’s distant isn’t God it’s us.
• We must seek after God.
• Get honest about any secret sin that you haven’t repented of. That shame keeps us feeling far from God.
• Repent and chase after God.
• Go home and open your Bible to lead spiritually.
• One of the tricks the devil plays is making you believe you can’t understand the Bible.

If we said yes to Christ we are qualified to do the work of the ministry through our marriage.

How do you take inventory of your marriage and use the toolbelt?

• Each of us has been given gifts to steward well.
• In the book, it’s called the Toolbelt, the gifts God has given you.
• One of the tools is your story, everyone has a story.
• It might be filled with hurt, pain, and suffering.
• It might be filled with blessing.
• In the book, you can look at the biggest toolbelt areas.
• Another tool is your testimony. What God has done in your life.
• Also resources, how can you use what you have to bless others.
• You might have a lawnmower and you have a neighbor that doesn’t have one. God I’m going to use my lawnmower to help a neighbor that doesn’t have one.
• We don’t want to be the servant that got one talent and buried it.

Obedience to God comes in lots of little yes’s over time

Join The Marriage Movement

Marriage is the most powerful team to impact the world

• This isn’t just a book, it’s an important movement to impact the world.
• God’s building his kingdom and inviting us to be a part of it.
• Go to MarriageAfterGod.com to join the movement.
• Pray and consider inviting other couples going through it with them
• That’s our heart for it, that it’s exciting for couples to discover how we can use our marriage for God.
• A key question we should ask. “God, why did you bring us together?”

There’s a need for accountability in marriage, how does that work in your marriage?

• We’ve practiced how to be transparent with one another.
• Being willing to communicate all of our heart, even the shameful parts.
• When you’re feeling weak be transparent.
• Have teachable hearts so if there are challenges we can move forward and repent.
• Willing to hear and learn, knowing we need to grow.
• It’s important to have other couples in your life that are willing to share opportunities for improvement.
• If you aren’t around other couples enough, you will never see areas to sharpen each other.
• As a married couple, we are modeling this for our kids. If we want kids to be obedient to us we must model it to each other.

Scriptures Mentioned In This Episode

Proverbs 18:24 ” A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Matthew 7:12 “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

Resources

• Buy the Smith’s book “Marriage After God”
• Follow the Smiths on social at Marriage After God, Husband Revolution, & Unveiled Wife
• Join the Marriage After God Movement & Buy the book at MarriageAfterGod.com

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

You may or may not have ever thought about this concept, but we’ve found this to be a transformative piece in equipping confident Christian kids ready to stand strong in today’s world. It takes courage to do what we’re talking about. Not everyone has to do this but if it rings true to you, then we highly encourage it.

If the culture you are in is to put kids in the nursery, Sunday school and youth group then it will take courage to keep them in the service with you, however, most church’s are totally cool with it.

Regardless, it takes courage to go against the normal way of things.

We’ve been part of the traditional church model for most of our parenting years so far (In a church building, not home) and have kept our kids in service with us, often being the only family doing it.

Why Is Family Integrated Church Important?

• If your not in service together you can’t reflect on what God is teaching you afterward.
  • It’s important to ask your kids what they learned, what kind of conversations did they have, questions that came up.
  • It’s really hard to have fruitful discussions if you didn’t hear what your kids heard.
• You want to know if what your kids are learning is the Biblical truth. If you are there with them you know and are able to correct anything needed.
• What about the objection; Kids need things taught in a different way so they grasp the message.
  • If we desire for our kids to grow in spiritual maturity then it makes sense to have them around people who are mature versus only around people their age.
  • We don’t want to feed their immaturity but instead grow their maturity

Should we adapt to their inability to sit still or train them to sit still so they can take in more?

• • Kids may not grasp everything, but they will grasp more. Kids rise to the level of responsibility given and are far smarter earlier than most parents realize.
  • Children can take in a lot.
• If you have ever served in youth ministries, praise God. There is a lot of parenting not happening. If parents aren’t going to do it, youth ministry is needed, but ideally, parents would do this.
• If a youth leader has 100 kids in their group, it’s an impossible discipleship scenario.
• If you do delegate to youth ministries, make sure you know the leaders really really well.
• Ask yourself, are your kids’ ready to lead in the midst of bad influences? When you have a bunch of kids together parented differently there will be challenging influences.
• We believe it’s important to worship God together, do communion together, pray together and model what it looks like to be a mature believer in the church.
  • If our children don’t experience being a mature part of the church their whole lives amongst other adults while they are in your home, we believe it contributes to their departure of the church when they launch.
  • Does it make sense that they are in youth programs until they launch?  Then what? Aren’t we just delaying maturity?

In leadership, if you teach to the strongest in understanding the whole organization rises, but if you teach to the lowest in understanding the team stagnates or falls apart.

• We communicate to our kids with an equal sense of dignity, value and respect regardless of age.
• We will get more respect if we give respect. They rise to the respect you give them.
• It’s so important that kids and young adults feel like they count. They are an essential part of the body of Christ.
• We shouldn’t separate and only think primarily in terms of what the adults are getting, kids are vital.

Kids should be in a maturation process by respecting their intelligence enough to not cater to their foolishness of not paying attention.

• You have to have vision to make the harder choices
  • An example of Vision: I’m going to have a conversation with them after church about the biblical points covered, I want them to see me worshipping so they know how, it’s important they consistently go to church, I can train them in having self-control, children can learn these truths.
• Do you think the enemy wants your kid to grow spiritually?  Hear a message straight from the bible?
• Separation encourages ageism in the body of Christ. If you separate, adults develop ageism where they only talk to and pursue other adults. It also perpetuates ageism amongst the kids’ age groups too and gives little opportunity for them to want to learn from other adults.
• Our kids love intellectual conversations with older people before and after church.

Here’s How To Do This

• If you are in traditional church (In a building, not a home) you can do this, we did for most of our church going years.
• We are now in a home Church which takes less courage as everyone is doing it. (Not to be confused with a small group or bible study)
• If bucking the system causes you not to do it, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to be courageous for the benefit of your kids or not.
• It’s good to ask why we may not want to do it
  • Is it because we want a break during Church with peace and quiet?
  • Is it because I want undivided social time around the church meeting?
• If that’s the case, perhaps it’s because you haven’t trained them well enough?
• How to train them to sit in church
  • Set your kids up for success otherwise, I have to offer grace in discipline which can be inconsistent.
    • Have them eat a good breakfast
    • Bring them a snack, if it’s not allowed they can go without
      • If they can’t handle it they need self-control training
  • Have some things that help them engage with the teaching
    • Bible, journal or if smaller let them draw or color
    • Don’t bring a bunch of toys,  or anything loud.
  • Drinks are helpful in something that won’t spill
• Train them during the week
  • Blanket time
    • Put a blanket out daily and put some toys.
      • When they get off the blanket bring them back to it.
    • Toddler age they can use little toddler folding chairs.
    • Have a sermon playing during.
    • Incrementally increase the amount of time as you train.
• During the service
  • Encourage the littles to pray with us.
  • If he’s being antsy–focus him on the message.
• You must be consistent in training your kids.
• Leave the service to talk to them and potentially discipline them if needed. Church is a spiritual growth initiative for everyone when parents have the right mindset.

Challenge

• If you don’t do what’s best because you believe Church is to be restful and it’s too hard to include your kids, pause and say that out loud. It should help you realize how selfish and backward that thought is.
• Imagine what it would be like if you were in Biblical community where we helped each other, trusted each other and embraced children as part of the meeting.
• You can be a catalyst for this!

Scriptures In This Episode

Deuteronomy 31:12 ” Gather the people together, men and women and little ones, and the stranger who is within your gates, that they may hear and that they may learn to fear the Lord your God and carefully observe all the words of this law,”

Acts 16: 30-31 “And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

Proverbs 20:11 “Even a child is known by his deeds, Whether what he does is pure and right.”

Matthew 18:5-6 “Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

We live in an age where sin is normalized and celebrated, Christians are mocked, and freedom of speech is deteriorating if you stand for Biblical viewpoints. Christian parenting as usual largely isn’t working as kids from Christian homes are walking away from the faith upon launching from their homes. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we must re-look at what it takes to equip confident Christian kids to stand for righteousness in today’s uncertain world.

 

Tending a Garden vs. Vineyard

• The more you water the garden the more they grow.
• The vineyard is the opposite of the garden, you don’t want to water the vineyard otherwise the roots will stay at the surface sacrificing strength, fruitfulness and the ability to make grapes worthy of great wine.
  • It’s vital to let the plants be positively stressed so it forces the roots to go deep into the soil reaching better nutrients that are needed to discover their own water.
• When your kids are young you want to parent your kids like they are a garden giving plenty of water or support.
• As they get older there’s a transition where they need to be treated more like a vineyard so they learn how to produce good fruit.

Too often parents either hold on too tight or let go too early

• If they are going to be fruitful we have to let God work in them because they have to rely on Him, not just you. We can’t be constantly the only one leading our child as they get older.
• We are not to fear anything except that good kind of fear of fearing God.
• We are not to parent in fear at all.

God Is Counter-Intuitive

• The natural way we think of things isn’t necessarily biblical. It needs to be but it’s often swayed by nominal Christianity, influences of people who call themselves Christians but aren’t walking strong with God.
• Be aware as parents of who we allow to influence us.
• Are we living for the world or for eternity? Are we making our decisions based just on time here on earth?
• Some counter-intuitive examples are; our body isn’t our own, love your enemies, our stay here is short…
• We are to do what the Bible says.
• When we are saturated in the word of God, our intuition is changed because our minds are renewed.

The Hazards of Normal Christian Parenting

1. Over-delegation

• • Who is the spiritual head and teacher of your children?
  • If they aren’t going to you with spiritual questions, why is that?
  • Often kids are pointed elsewhere for spiritual things like the youth pastor, pastor, coaches, teachers.
  • Letting media watch our kids.
• We want to have our child’s hearts and we want God to have their hearts too.
• Can you honestly say “Follow my example to your kids”, even the things they don’t know about you?

2. Real fellowship Isn’t Modeled

• People don’t allow others to be close enough to each other to hold each other accountable.
• Who do your kids see that you are accountable to?
• If they don’t see you submitting to some kind of authority it may be hard for them to.
• You want your kids to have the right peer influences, real purposeful Godly friendships.

3. “Once Saved Always Saved” Theology Is Flawed

• If parents think, “oh my child accepted the Lord now they are saved forever” they let up and overlook deliberate sin developing in their lives.
• God is always there but we can fall away.
• Instead of letting up when a child is saved, it’s game on to disciple them!
• We should want them to know God, why God made them and for them to live on purpose for the kingdom.
• Parents must have urgency with their kids knowing they could fall away.
• A challenge with this is kids don’t feel safe talking with you about their doubts, silently the kid has doubts, starts walking away from God and does it alone.
• We want you and your kids to be living in freedom, not bondage from unrepentant sin.

No one can snatch you away, but in your own will you can walk away.

4. Lack of Discipleship

• It must be a way of life while raising your kids.
• Find creative ways to integrate discipleship.

5. Inconsistent Leadership

• Lack of follow through in discipline.
• Simple answer but hard to live out.
• They keep whining remembering the one time you gave in.

Why We Must Be More Vigilant Than Ever

• We live in an age of normalized sin
  • Pornography, sex outside of marriage, masturbation, gender issues
• Pride of knowledge
  • People struggle with pride based on their education and experiences
  • God says he will destroy the wisdom of the wise
  • If your kids don’t know God they will have access to all the arguments against God at their fingertips through the internet.
• Kids have unlimited access at a certain age
  • We believe they should have access while they are home so we can train them up in how to use technology.
  • The internet can be used for good or bad.
• The Rise Of Escapism
  • We have instituted the culture driver “We are producers, not just consumers”
    • We should be using our gifts for the glory of God versus just watching other people use their gifts.

You have to be Courageous

• The culture will steal away your kid’s hearts unless you are courageous.
• The best decisions we made were also the most unpopular.
• Your decisions won’t make sense to everyone around you.
• Our life has constantly not made sense to large portions of people around us.
• It’s a harder path to be a Biblical parent.
• It’s hard to have uncomfortable conversations.
• God is faithful.
• Your marriage has to be in alignment and exemplify the marriage you want your kids to have.
• Real-time discipline and real accountability with your kids.

Scriptures Mentioned In This Episode

Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.”

1 Peter 1:14-17 “as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear;”

Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

John 10:28-29 “And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.”

Hebrews 10:35-36 “Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:”

1 Corinthians 1:18-19 “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

No one wants to be a Pharisee yet it’s so easy to become one and the worst part is kids learn it from their parents. This is a must listen for all parents as it can help you assess yourself and your kids with practical wisdom on preventing your kids from becoming modern day Pharisees.

Definition: A member of an ancient Jewish sect distinguished by strict observance of traditional and written law.

Unfortunately, many kids in families of ministry leaders become modern-day Pharisees.

A lot of Churches are filled with nominal believers where hearts aren’t changed. It’s more about performance than a relationship with God and it shows in their lives as they don’t look much different than non-believers.

Look at the fruit of someones life to understand where they are at. If they are walking with the Lord, nominal or a Pharisee.

What are the symptoms of a Pharisee?

The four words to evaluate this:

• Hypocritical behavior
  • Our children learn more from what we model than what we say
  • You will lose all influence if you are a hypocrite
• Self-righteous
• Pride
• Legalism

One moment a kid has a hero and the next they are in the news with some form of corruption. You should be one of their main heroes.

A lot of people know about God, but we need to know God.

Being a Pharisee is a heart attitude.

• The Pharisees were committed to studying the law and passionate about purity but they didn’t live out what they teach.
• You must be honest if there’s any hypocritical behavior otherwise it will corrupt your legacy
• It’s vital your kids see you reading a physical Bible
• Study the Bible, teach it and discuss it with your kids
• We must be passionate about the word of God
• Ask your kids what’s on their hearts, help your kids memorize scripture, pause to ask if they know what the words mean you just read. You’ve got to stop and discuss it together.
• You are there to help them cultivate a relationship with God. This is either being lived out by the parents and inviting the kids into it or not.

 

What does a relationship with God look like?

• Describe it to your kids that it’s like a relationship with someone else, the more you put into it the stronger the relationship.
• If you are having a hard time hearing from God, your probably not reading your Bible.
• Don’t put yourself on a pedestal in your child’s life as the know it all expert. It’s so much better to be humble and look things up together. Then they see a lifelong effort going in growing with God
• Knowledge can get in the way of knowing God, yet they know all about God.
• Wives play a huge role in teaching kids as much of this has to be caught rather than taught and most wives are around the kids a lot more of the day.
• No one can train up a child nearly as well as the parent. No one loves them like a parent loves them. That love also is urgent to bring awareness to their sin.
• The enemy of good parenting is time. It’s so easy to become selfish about our time and not give the appropriate time to talk through situations.
• You must weed out the sin and cultivate a heart of humility
• We don’t want our kids to be the enemies of God. Teach your kids to be transparent, vulnerable, and honest as they attack the heart of a Pharisee.
• You need to break their will not their spirit.
• Kids need to experience evaluating themselves over and over again while they are in your home.

If your parenting is performance driven, versus relationship driven, then they will likely view God the same way driving them just to performance but lacking a relationship with Him.

Warnings

• Show off
• Self-righteous
• Bragging and boasting
• Telling on others and they struggle with the same thing
• Be faithful pointing out the things holding your kids back, pointing out the good qualities in them and teaching them the ways of God.

We don’t want you to look back on your kids childhood years with regret because your kids became pharisees and don’t want your influence in their kids lives, your grandkids because they are so judgemental.

Scriptures In This Episode

Matthew 23:1-5 “Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments.”

Matthew 7:5 “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

1 Corinthians 1:19 “For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

Colossians 3:8-10 “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,”

Matthew 6:5  “And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

It’s vital that you have a purpose for your marriage that goes beyond your kids. So many go through marriage and when the kids leave, they discover they don’t even know each other. The dangers of making your kids your idol while slowly over time unintentionally sacrificing your marriage.

The number one way to be a great parent is to have a great marriage.

The dinner table is where you rally the family, date nights are where you rally each other.

There are all kinds of reasons why couples don’t date each other, it’s frankly hard when you have younger kids. But it’s essential or your marriage will erode over time.

Our most interesting and fun date experiences;

• Angie: “Visiting DC before we were married and seeing the monuments lit up at night together”
• Isaac: “Spending time in Paris”
• Angie: “Dinner out in the Czech Republic”
• Angie: “Surprise trip to the beach”
• Isaac: But really the best dates are the local ones we do all the time

We don’t want you to listen to this podcast without getting challenged with this one thing; At the end of your parenting when you are empty nesters, we want you guys to look at each other and still be in love and know who your spouse is.

You have to choose growth in marriage. You both should be changing and growing but staying strong together. Individually and together we need to grow. Unfortunately, one or both are growing but they aren’t growing together.

Wives, the way you influence your husband isn’t by hounding him, it’s about encouraging the things they do do well, and praying for him.

Here’s a challenge: Get together with your spouse and discuss your interest for doing these different kinds of dates regularly.

We are going to talk about three kinds of dates you should regularly do:

1. Business Dates
2. Vision Dates
3. Fun Dates

You can date without even leaving home if you need to. Stay at home dates are great, put your kids to bed and have a cheese and cracker board and talk to each other.  Also, have little mini dates as often as you can too.

Wives desire being continually pursued and invested in. If the husband is doing a good job, he’s putting his needs aside to focus on her needs. However it doesn’t mean the wife should always focus on herself, she should also ask her husbands questions and invest relationally in him.

If the wife doesn’t ask, often a husband won’t even share his things not to overwhelm or burden his wife.

God put you guys together in relationship. 

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”  -Gary Thomas

When you are on a date night enjoying one another it’s a huge witness to others around you. Are others going to want to get married because they see yours?

 

Here Are The 3 Kinds of Dates:

1. Business dates (Discussing what is)

• A meeting to talk about the issues currently going on with your marriage and family
• You are a team, and teams need to meet to discuss logistics and decisions
• If you don’t communicate about these things you won’t recalibrate decisions quick enough for the benefit of your family.
• Husbands should prepare some things to discuss ahead of time
• Assessing where each kid is at spiritually, friendships, sibling relationships, education choices, finances, career/business…
• Discuss areas your wife needs help
• How are your wife’s friendships?

So many families drift into the future keeping the same decisions when they should have shifted a long time ago because they haven’t recalibrated.

2. Vision Dates (Discussing what’s ahead)

• Husband’s come prepared for this with good questions and things to discuss that you can initiate about the future.
  • Guys, you are the leaders of your family. If my wife was casting vision to me it would feel awkward
• It’s so fun to revisit goals you set together as it encourages your marriage and focuses your marriage on growing together.
• Some of these visions you will bring to the dinner table and share with the kids too
• We share almost all of them with our kids
• This makes marriage more exciting. It’s important to see the growth needed
• It puts you on a perspective of expecting growth and change versus holding the family or spouse back with a fear of change.
• Examples: We had a vision of doing a 3 month RV trip around the country, it took almost 10 years to fulfill that dream and we did it. Another is a two week trip to Israel for our 10 year anniversary, almost 10 years and we haven’t done it. But it’s about God’s timing and we shouldn’t get discouraged but press forward towards the visions we feel are important.

3. Fun Dates

• Most people are good at this one and they are vital
• Don’t talk about maintenance issues or the kids
• Focus on having fun in ways that nourish your relationship
• Share aspects of it with your kids so you are modeling what to replicate someday
• Beware of activities that prevent conversation, to make sure you’re not subconsciously escaping the relationship.
  • If you run out of things to talk about there’s likely a challenge with your relationship

Revitalize the Purpose of Your marriage

• Husbands are to Cherish their wives.
• You are going to cherish someone you love and love someone you Cherish.
• It’s so important to actually enjoy one another.
  • Just buying things for your wife doesn’t mean you are cherishing her
• Do you confide in one another?
• If you don’t focus on your marriage you are losing the sense of purpose for your marriage.
• There should be a constant appreciation of each other.
• Start a journal to think and write about the things you are thankful for about your spouse. Share it with them on your dates.
• Spoken words of affirmation can revitalize a marriage.
• Husbands, it’s so important that you communicate meaning to the work your wife does. She should totally see the huge significance of what she does.
• In all three kinds of dates, appreciation and recognition are important.

 “Our whole life may have looked different if Isaac didn’t encourage me” -Angie

The purpose of your marriage is to glorify God. How are we going to do that if we are communicating and purposefully working on it?

Practical Date Night Ideas

• Dinner, even if you don’t have a big budget, go to a food truck then take a walk.
• Go on a hike
• Camping, talking around the campfire after kids are asleep
• See a movie, but there are places where you can eat and watch which are better
  • Although movies could be escapism from each other actually
• Go on a drive. There’s a study that shows that men have an easier time opening up and talking when they aren’t looking at someone.
• Find active things you can do together.
• Take a weekend retreat
• Don’t sacrifice your kids with the wrong baby sitter, they must be trustworthy
• Find a place with a great view to relax and talk
• Concerts, plays, and events

You are modeling this for your kids so they expect and do this in their own marriages

Scripture In This Episode

1 Peter 3:1 ” Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,”

Song of Solomon 2-4  “The Beloved Like a lily among thorns, So is my love among the daughters. The Shulamite Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

This is relevant for all ages as social media isn’t going away so they need to be prepared while they are in your home.

Social media isn’t a good or bad thing in and of itself, how we use it will determine whether it’s a good thing or not. The power is in your hands to train them so it becomes only a good thing. We must teach them how to use it wisely and be disciplined.

Here’s some crazy stats from Pew Research Center:

• Kids under the ages of 8 are on a cell phone an average of 50 minutes a day
• Kids ages 8-12 are on cell phones an average of 6 hours per day
• Teenagers are on their cell phones an average of 9 hours per day

Social media can be addicting like drugs so we need to train them to have discipline over a long period of time

Social media can be incredibly useful as well, make sure we share the positive ways we can use it.

Our kids have a competition going where they try to be on less than each other. They check each other every Sunday afternoon and update us.

The 3 Ways To Teach Your Kids How To Use Social Media

1. How We Model It For Them

• Don’t let social media become an idol for you or your kids
• Let’s not assume there isn’t a problem with ourselves or our kids. Do you know how much you are on your phone daily? It’s usually more then we realize.
• Here’s a test with your kids “Have them delete their social media app for a day, if they respond strongly against it, you might have a problem”.
• Find out if social media hurts or helps their friendships.
• You must be frequently checking their phones.
• We can’t say to the kids, give me your phone it has become an idol for you if it’s an idol for us.
  • Teach your kids the word around what an idol is
• If you keep yourself as the only authority you are limiting impact with your kids, include God’s authority in the conversation by using scripture.
• If I’m holding my kids accountable then I must be disciplined.
• It’s important to create some boundaries:
  • Never take phones in the bathroom or bedrooms.
  • They must have their phones out where there’s accountability.
  • They have to put their phones in a certain place at the end of the day.
  • Certain parts of the day they don’t use their phones at all.
  • We have open access to any phone in the family, everyone needs accountability.
• Harvard business study, when someone is focused on doing their work and get distracted, it takes 17 minutes to get back to the same level of focus they were at before being distracted.
• Most people are in a mode of constant distraction and never getting to the greatest level of focus.
• Social media can cause shorter attention spans.
• We believe your kids should get on social media at some point, but only ones that you are on for accountability.
• Model how to use social media tools.
• Accountability furthers a strong parent/kid relationship.
• You have to know your kid and what they are able to handle in determining what age they should get on social media.

2. Teach How To Use It

• There is actually etiquette by how to respond to people.
• Keeping in mind they are branding Jesus.
• Walk through their first few posts with them.
• Don’t wait too long, you want them to live with you at least several years to work with them while they are in your home.
• Teach them about messages as well, because they will get weird things. They should know what to respond to and not, if someone hits on them they should bring it to you and ask how to respond to them.
• Initially we insist our kids social media accounts are private

67% of teenagers know how and actively trick their parents on what they are actually using their phones for.

3. Monitor And Mentor

• This is where so many parents become naive. “My kids are good, they are doing fine” and don’t continue to monitor.
• Raising confident Christian kids for an uncertain world takes equipping, you must equip by being an ongoing part of their social media experience.
• Without your help, your kids are prey to bad people. If you help them and have the right relationship, they aren’t.
• On the positive side, social media is an incredible way to impact the world. Why wouldn’t we equip our kids with the positive aspect of it?
• Make sure it doesn’t replace the real-life interactions with people.
• They need to know what God’s word says about Biblical friendships.
• If your kid has a difficult time having any friends, social media will increase the feeling isolation. If your kids have lots of friends it’s probably fine.
• The answer is truly engaging your kids to teach them how to have real-life friendships first and most importantly. How are your kids doing with this?
• How will your kids do what God wants for them if they are distracted from the enticements of the world?
• FOMO, fear of missing out, is a real challenge for parents and kids.
• Use scripture in your conversations with your kids.

Producers Versus Just Consumers

• You don’t want your kids to be just watching other peoples lives.
• You want them to believe they can have an impact now!
• This also experientially teaches them not to be ashamed of the gospel. If they never proclaim their faith on social media, they are probably ashamed. 
• Teach them that they can be an encouragement to all ages as well.
• They will experience that they have a voice.

What do you need to work on?

• In being an example?
• In equipping your kids?
• Setting boundaries?

Scriptures In This Episode

1 John 5:21 “Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen.”

James 3:1 “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.”

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

1 John 2 ” And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world. “

Matt 28:18-20 “And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.”

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The overlooked sin is pride. It’s a silent killer of relationships and it’s important that we all think honestly about ourselves as we talk about this as it can have permanent, negative ramifications to your legacy. If parents are prideful then the kids will be prideful.

Pride and selfishness are at the root of almost every other sin

If we are dealing with our kid’s sin and teaching them how to have a humble heart. We must take the rose-colored glasses off, and be able to see the sin in our ourselves.

Are you prideful?

• If you can’t remember the last time you were wrong, you might be prideful
• If you haven’t taken honest responsibility for relational conflict, you might be prideful.
• If someone gives you a critique and you can’t hear it, you might be prideful

If we are Christians, God wants His church to be blemish free. He says to be holy because I’m holy

Our kids won’t take us seriously if we don’t live what we are teaching them. Do we want to be the humble people that God is talking about, or do we want them to suffer shame?

The difference between confidence and pride

It takes real confidence to have humility, because you have to be so secure in who you are, to allow somebody to expose weakness in you.

We want our kids to be confident Christian kids in an uncertain world, but not prideful.

Confidence is a self-assuredness that you can do things because of real skills and talents. More important it’s the confidence in the power of God through you. Confidence because of faith in God, God through me, vs me through me.

It’s okay to be confident in our abilities, God gave them to us.

Definition of Pride: A inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity importance or superiority in mind or conduct.

It’s the loftiness, haughty eyes, better than others. Sometimes a person that puts others down to puff themselves up.

Usually when someone puffs themselves up is because they are insecure.

Being prideful is reinforced in the world because it actually works in the marketplace. It can feed the wrong behavior at times.

Why does God hate pride?

• It removes the need for God because it’s based on self-reliance, not asking for help.
• Independence isn’t biblical, he wants us to be part of the body of Christ and carry each other’s burdens.
• If your kids never see you asking for help or helping others, they aren’t going to learn it
• Kids always know what’s going on, we must be transparent, include them in the process of seeing God come through when things are tough.

God didn’t design marriage only to be happy all the time, although He wants us to be happy.

“Marriage is to make you holy not just happy”. -Gary Thomas

Is Pride Hurting Your Marriage?

Here’s a courageous marriage challenge, if you haven’t admitted to being wrong or said you were sorry to your spouse lately, go do it!

Being vulnerable actually makes your marriage go deeper. If you are in a marriage fight, think about what you’re actually fighting about. Is it just to be right?  How foolish is that?

If a spouse is constantly falling on the sword, always being wrong, you are emboldening pride in your spouse making them think they are right all the time.

If only one person understands where they went wrong every time in conflict you are tempting your spouse to become really prideful. They may think way more highly of themselves than you over-time.

Why would a person have an affair? They think they are better than their partner because of pride.

You must deal with your pride, or you won’t grow and you will leave a legacy of pride through your kids.

Pride is the enemy of relationships

It hurts relationships moving people away from you. People keep a distance from people who always think they are right.

The prideful person may become lonely, lacking real authentic relationships.

You are the leaders of your kids and they will either become prideful or broken if you lead from a prideful spirit.

Get to the root of the sin in your kids, versus generalities so they can recognize their sin and repent, reconcile, and overcome continuing in it

How To Handle Pride In Your Kids

• Kids not sharing is selfishness, but, if they think they deserve it more than the other person, it’s actually pride.
• Forcing other kids to do what they want to do is pride.
• Having a temper tantrum because they are struggling to be obedient because they want their will more than moms will is pride.
• You have to use biblical vocabulary with your kids. Here’s an example; “Listen, all sin separates us from God and comes between you and your siblings. It makes it hard to be in good friendship.” “You have to be responsible for admitting that sin and asking for forgiveness” 
• It offers the other person the opportunity to make a choice; are they going to be forgiving or not.

When you are leading people, you will develop trigger words and phrases that create the right culture. When you use biblical words while they are young, those same words will have a big impact when they are older. It’s easier for them to be receiving of your words when they are teenagers.

It’s easier for them to have compassion with others when they know they struggle with the same things.

Biblical parenting is refining, it grows you as you teach your kids about their sin, it should make you introspective about yourself. We should ask yourself if they are getting it from you.  

Let’s not forget to give God the Glory!

Two Roads

If you are prideful as a parent, there are two roads your kids may go down; they will become broken from a lack of relationship with you and lack confidence in themselves. The second path is a culture of pride, that they become so prideful they don’t need you, friends or a church to dig in with because they can do it on their own.

A Leadership Challenge

Think about leaders you respect in your past. Think about the moments where you gained the most respect for them and they have the biggest impact on you. I bet they were the moments they were transparent sharing what they learned from their own mistakes or the moments they apologized to you.

Scripture In This Episode

Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.”

Proverbs 8:13 “The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverse mouth I hate.”

James 4:6 “But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Proverbs 16:18-19 “Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, Than to divide the spoil with the proud.”

Proverbs 26:12 “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.”

2 Corinthians 10:17 “But “he who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”

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There are two types of people in the world. Those who only learn from their own mistakes, and those who also learn from others mistakes.

The best advice we’ve gotten over the years was from more experienced people sharing lessons from their mistakes.

We have two goals for doing this episode; that you’re able to glean wisdom from our mistakes, but also stir up in you greater introspection to learn from your own mistakes.

If we want our kids to have teachable hearts they need to see us living it out. They must also see a hunger for learning and growing. Kids respect that big time!

Here Are Our 7 Biggest Parenting Mistakes

1. Not Being A Good Listener (Angie)

• Being a good listener is one of the most important skills of a good parent.
• I would lecture the kids for 45 minutes if they lie, sometimes appropriate but sometimes it was too much
• I took their sin too personally causing me not to listen and talk strongly to them.
• Questions are powerful because they own it when they come up with the answer versus us giving them the answers.
• Story of oldest daughter sharing a hard truth with Angie (Listen to episode).
• It’s vital to take ownership for your part in a broken relationship with a child.
• We have to be willing, to be honest about where we mess up.
• We must take time to listen to our kids and value them.
• If you aren’t a good listener, likely your kids won’t be either. Are you creating a legacy of interrupting or listening?
• Just because you know what they’re going to say, it doesn’t mean you should stop them and start talking because it’s not about what you know, it’s about them feeling respected because they got to say what was important to them and were heard, that’s building a strong relationship and it takes patience.
• Challenge yourself; are you always in the teacher mode, then you need to shift to listening and questioning mode. If you are always listening and questioning, you may need to shift to teacher mode more often.
• So how do you do this? Memorize James 1:19, repent of your sin, apologize to your kids and choose not to do it anymore. You can make a choice and stick to it. 

2. Not Leading Spiritually Early On (Isaac)

• It was easy to look at how well my wife was doing with the kids and I was busy building a business. I was intentional but not near the level I needed to be early on.
• One of the false beliefs I had and I think a lot of dads have is; “I will dig in more with them spiritually when they can remember it, plus I have to build this now so I can spend more time with them later”
• Unfortunately, habits are hard to break. So whatever you do now when your kids are young is likely what will continue down the road even when your work ambitions change. (if they ever do?)
• Even though they won’t remember when they are young, they are being formed while they are young. They need their dads influence more than ever actually.
• Women will rise up and do all of the spiritual leadership if us men don’t.  It’s good that the mom leads kids spiritually, but it’s way more powerful when both are influencing. Kids must hear spiritual things from their father.
• Your children will grow up looking at you dads as the spiritual leader, or they won’t. And if not, they will look elsewhere for leadership even if it’s not spiritual. In fact, others who aren’t biblical will likely win their hearts and respect.
• Do you want your kids to come to ask you spiritual things when they are older? If you do, you must build a relationship with them where they view both the mom and dad as spiritual authorities in their lives.
• If you haven’t been doing this, it’s never too late to start.
• Words from parents mouths have a bigger impact than coming from anywhere else.
• Sometimes in leadership, you will say things and it may feel like it isn’t impacting anyone, but it does. Leaders must speak truths into existence whether they get any feedback or not. That’s leadership.

3. Being Too Busy Outside The Home (Angie)

If God calls us to do a ministry, it should enhance our family life

• I had a passion for ministry and got addicted to it and signed up for too many things.
• Realizing what I was sacrificing with my kids, I walked away from four ministries in one day so I could focus on my family.
• Not because something was wrong in the family, but because an older woman warned me and I listened.
• I was doing 9 hours a week of driving, breaking kids schedules with my important events, other people were watching my kids at church. I just wasn’t setting them up for success.
• I realized I was expecting my kids to revolve around my schedule. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in a child ran home. But if the kids are suffering from me doing whatever I want, there’s a problem.
• For others, it could be something else. It’s not bad to do other things, but just not at the cost of raising our kids. We must also be aware of what season of life we are in.
• There’s nothing wrong with having other passions but test yourself. Does the passion you are pursuing cause greater or lesser satisfaction in being home with your kids?
• When your heart starts to change, moving away from your family because of the activity, then there’s a problem.
• On the flip side, a good question to ask is “Have I made my family an Idol?” We don’t want to do that either
• Here are important priorities: 1. God, 2. Marriage, 3. Family, then ministry

4. I Would Struggle With Getting Angry (Angie)

• I took a personal offense to their sin.
• I didn’t react biblically every time.
• This is one of the first things I warn moms about. It’s hard to be only around little kids for long periods of times. Remind yourself this is a long game and change your perspective about their disobedience.
• They are disobeying God when they disobey you.
• You can’t point them to God if you are sinning in the process.
• If you’re angry, don’t discipline, cool down, take a time out yourself.
• It’s vital to have a Biblical view of your children.
• It’s important to lead them in prayer to reconcile with God.

5. Not Owning Parenting Enough Early On (Isaac)

• I didn’t know how to apply myself, I had never seen it modeled but also was diligently seeking to understand at first.
• I was very ambitious for making my business something bigger.
• I bought into the philosophy “If I work harder now then I’ll be around more when they are teenagers” because we bought into the lie that the teenage years will be hard.
• The truth is that teenagers aren’t hard if you do the right things while they are young.
• The right way is often counter-intuitive. Meaning the opposite of what naturally makes sense.
• It’s okay to work hard, but with the time you do have, make it count and be super involved.

6. Finding Deep Church Fellowship (Isaac & Angie)

• We realize now, it’s not something you find, it’s something you cultivate.
• You want to be around people you want your kids to become like.
• If you can’t get real, there’s a problem.

7. Be Careful About Your Friendship Choices (Isaac & Angie)

• There were times looking back where we should have seen signs that we needed to pull back sooner in some friendships.
• It’s not that you are looking for perfect people to hang out with. You are looking for Godly people with humility; Are they wanting to improve?, are you are willing to improve?, and are you willing to help each other grow? Do you even talk about spiritual things? Is there accountability? Is there Biblical love for each other?
• Are some of the false prophets your friends? Take very few opinions, but please do take the right few. You have to make sure they are Biblically based opinions.
• We are actually supposed to make judgments about people within the church.
• We are not to judge non-believers we are to love them.
• We are to love believers but that includes making judgements.
• If you go to correct someone and they aren’t introspective and at least consider it, then they’re probably not the type of friend that you will be able to go deep in the ways that are fruitful.
• We are to judge the fruit of our Christian friends.
• You can’t judge the fruit very well if there are too many people in Church with you. You have to be in close Biblical community with others.
• You want to spend time with people where the trajectory of their parenting, character, spiritual growth and marriages are growing.

We hope this was helpful learning from our mistakes and stirred you thinking about your own.

Scripture Mentioned In This Episode

James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

2 Timothy 3:14-15  “But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.”

Luke 12:34 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Ephesians 6:4  “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

1 John 4:1 “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

1 Corinthians 5:12 “For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?”

Resources Mentioned In This Episode

• Courageous Mom Blog Post: “3 Things You Can Do To Teach Your Child How To Be A Good Listener”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

If you asked your kids “what is Easter about?”, what would they say? Think about the outcome you want, that actually happens in the minds and hearts of your kids during Easter. Is it only the love for candy, Easter egg hunt… or is it also and most importantly the power of what Jesus did for them and the realities of His resurrection?  In this episode, we are giving you practical insights and resources we’ve used over the years that have made a difference.

We are also going to equip you with conversation starters for your marriage to re-evaluate your vision for holidays with the purpose of making God real to your kids.

VIDEO OF THE EPISODE (Subscribe on Rumble)

It’s so easy to get caught up in the consumerism and the normal Christian Easter, but who are the God authorized leaders of your kids? You. In addition to the Church service and a prayer at a nice meal it’s vital they hear what Easter is about from you!

Here’s an easy first step; ask yourself why you do the things you do around Easter.

What we really want is to create signature experiences that have a lasting spiritual impact.

It’s important to bring the Bible to life during this season. We encourage you to have fun thinking about what you want to teach your kids.

Here Are Some Ideas:

• Don’t call it Easter, instead call it Resurrection Sunday. Word choice is powerful.
• Buy them new Bibles or valuable books that talk about the Resurrection.
• Focus on the death and resurrection of Jesus the week prior.
• It’s more than a day but a season of opportunities to teach them about God.
• Watch the movie, The Passion of the Christ together, there’s also an animated version too for the small ones.
• Make sure you are learning more yourselves so you can pass more on to them as the years go by.
• Use scripture coming from your mouth, you have the greatest influence on them.
• Use scripture to share the evidence that the resurrection is real; He was seen by over 500 people.
• Do an experiment in mason jars showing how yeast grows.
• Use it as a time to audit ourselves about sin in our lives and discuss what sin is.
• Create experiences, a few of the ones we’ve done are;  a traditional seder, a ceremonial washing of the kid’s feet, using resurrection eggs, and having communion together.

Just take one or two ideas from this and add to it each year.

Scriptures In This Episode

Romans 14:13 “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.”

1 Corinthians 15:1-8 “Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you–unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep. After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles. Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time.”

1 corinthians 5:7-8 “Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.”

John 20:26-28 “And after eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, “Peace to you!” Then He said to Thomas, “Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.” And Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• Blog Posts that List all of the books mentioned
  • Using The Easter Egg To Teach About Christ
  • Easter Parenting Resources
  • Easy Passover Recipes Your Kids Will Love To Make
  • Incorporating A Messianic Passover In Your Easter Traditions
  • An Easter Tradition That Decorates Your Home And Creates A Project
  • What Is A Messianic Passover And Why Do We Celebrate It

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

This episode isn’t to convince you to homeschool but instead to open up the conversation about education choices from a Biblical perspective so you launch confident, courageous, Christians into this world ready to stand for righteousness and share the good news!

Discipling our children is the best privilege and responsibility we have as parents and we can’t be naive that education involves indoctrination and developing a world view.

Is knowledge more important than their spiritual welfare or is their spiritual welfare more important than their knowledge? Or is it both?

This should spur you onto deep conversations as a married couple. We encourage you to write a list of pros and cons of these different choices.

We must be thinking Biblically and win with the choices we make by adapting our parenting to make our choice work.

1. Education Of Your Kids Is Your Responsibility

• Whether you are educating during the day or teachers at a school are, it’s still your responsibility.
• Your choice shouldn’t usurp your authority.
• Do we think it’s bad to put your kids in school?
  • We aren’t for anything that usurps your authority, but you can raise Godly kids while putting them in school, but you must be intentional in different ways when they are home.
• Whoever you allow being an authority in your kid’s lives is saying to them “Respect and learn from that authority”.
  • “This is your teacher, I approve of what they are teaching, memorize it as a good student.”  This is the message you are saying even if you don’t verbalize it.
  • So it’s vital to know about the teachers.
• If you send them to school, just know you will have to correct some things. You are putting people in their lives that have massive influence. You must develop proactive communication to know what is being communicated to them so you know what to reinforce or correct.
• The worldview of who you allow to influence your kids are playing a part in how they teach that knowledge and the context of that knowledge.
• All of the teacher’s aspects of character come from their worldview and the culture that the teacher and the students create.
• You should get to know the teachers but also understand the culture among the students your kids are entering into for so much of their day.
• Evaluate the curriculum as well, as this is where indoctrination comes in based on the author’s worldview.
• It’s also important to know what they are learning so we know what to add to that education and bring more Biblical context to it.
• So there’s an element of detoxing them of the wrong things, giving Biblical context to it, and reinforcing the good things

VIDEO OF THE EPISODE (Subscribe on Rumble)

2. Establish Yourself As The Principle

• Cultivate a teachable heart towards you, the parent. (See previous Ep “How To Cultivate A Teachable Heart”)
• You must be proactive vs celebrating freedom.
  • Are you proactive and diligent about their education or “They’re finally at school now I can do what I want…”
  • We must take an honest look at our own heart attitudes on why we are making the choices that we are.
  • If we have the freedom attitude, ask “Why am I rejoicing on not being around my kids?”
  • Selfishness is a real struggle, we feel it too.
• Make sure your kids know you are the God-approved authority in their lives and this includes education.
• If you don’t do this they will drift away and start thinking their teachers are smarter and more important to learn from. Especially once you get to the teenage years.
• This is a crucial key to keeping your influence into the teenage years and beyond.
• God’s grace is bigger then our mistakes, but if we are convicted to make a better decision we can’t ignore it.
• You can be diligent about their education, don’t believe the lie that you aren’t capable.
• So many women have come to Angie saying “You must be a natural teacher, I could never do that” or “You must be super patient to be able to homeschool”. 
  • Unfortunately, we as adults embrace false identities in ourselves that lead to average parenting choices.
• Just because kids come from a Christian home doesn’t mean they are Christian, just because someone is homeschooled doesn’t mean they are Christian, and just because kids are in Private Christian school doesn’t mean they are Christian either.

3. Pursue What Yields The Best Fruit 

• Are there kids you can look at coming out of the school that you say “If my kids turn out like those kids, that would be amazing?”
• It’s wise if you don’t see the fruit in one direction to look in a different direction.
• God talks about fruit regularly; he wants us to bear good fruit and for our kids to as well.
  • What are the quality of friendships they are making
  • Is who they are learning socialization from worthy of your vision?
  • Is their educational environment growing or hurting their faith?
  • How does it affect your relationship with them?
• In some places there is a war against parental involvement and that attitude is sometimes projected to kids.
• Think about how much time you have with your kids each day.

Here’s a challenge; with the time you do have, how can you make it more productive with your kids?

• There’s a dangerous “Self-Love” movement, it’s attractive so we must guard ourselves on this.
• Ask yourself why you have made the decisions you’ve made and write them down.
• If you are homeschooling, you must ask yourself why too.
  • You want to make sure the why’s are good whichever choices you’ve made.
• Safety is an important consideration in your decision making.
  • Is bullying happening?
  • Is there identity confusion happening?
  • Are people indoctrinating them in things you aren’t even made aware of?

47 million pornography videos are viewed by 7-14 year olds daily in the US and kids have the internet in the palms of their hands

4. Putting Kids Into The World To Be An Influence?

• If this is why you are putting them into school then you must have equipped them? If not you are making a dangerous move.
• If the salt shaker is empty and you are trying to shake salt to improve taste of your food is that effective?
  • We must pour salt into the salt shaker first. Kids aren’t born salty, we must pour into them, so that they are capable of pouring salt out.
  • When young they are struggling with their human nature and you are there to help them become salty.
  • Once they are, they can be a light to others and stand for righteousness.
• We have to be realistic about where they are in their spiritual maturity

The more mature they become the more you can allow them to be in the world and trust they will stand for righteousness.

5. Don’t let knowledge become an idol

• Sometimes knowledge can get in the way of faith.
• Be wary of kids becoming so focused on academics they become elitists in attitude.
• Pride in academics is unfortunate and could be costly to their faith.
• God has really good instructions for you on parenting.
• Look out in front of you at families 10 years ahead of you who have done public, private, and homeschool;
  • Which ones do you want your kids to be like? Go talk to them and ask them questions.

Scriptures In This Episode

Luke 6:40 “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher.”

Proverbs 1:8 “My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother;”

Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

1 Corinthians 1:19 “For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

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