Whether you homeschool or not this will help you because your kid’s education is your jurisdiction even if we delegate part of it.

If you do homeschool, never make homeschooling an idol because when we idolize something we start to think poorly of anyone not doing the thing we see as so important. Homeschooling is not an identity, let’s not stereotype people. “Oh, they are homeschoolers…”

Homeschooling doesn’t guarantee your kids are going to be saved but we do have the most influence on them in pointing them to God.

Over coddling will actually backfire on you.

11 Reasons Why We Decided to Homeschool

 

#11 The Perks

• Vacation when you want and at times when others aren’t. It costs less and the places aren’t as busy.
• We did a 3-month RV trip around the country visiting 34 states and the kids.
• Kids have joined Isaac on work trips.
• Mom is there when kids have their firsts, they don’t miss out. You are there to celebrate with them.
• Being able for your kids to move academically at a pace that stimulates them.

#10 Customization of Curated Life Skills

• We believe speaking in front of groups is an important life skill we can nourish.
• Putting our kids in situations where they can be effective in practicing leadership.
• Apprenticeships, involving kids in experiential learning from other people we trust.
• Fine arts which largely has been cut out of public education. For example, our 14-year-old Megan recently had someone license her art to be put on products.
• Piano and guitar teachers we hand select to teach our kids.
• Two things Isaac has always told Angie we should never skimp on financially:
  • Healthy food
  • Educational resources

#09 Out of The Box Education

• We’ve done an eclectic combination of curriculum over the years.
• Classical conversations has been huge for us.
  • They meet with other kids once per week with a tutor, keeping the parents as the teachers.
  • Socratic learning method causing kids to learn then come and have to discuss and answer tutors questions in a class setting.
  • When someone teaches something they get to the pinnacle of learning.
• Delight directed study
  • Focus on educating in the direction of the interests of your kids.
• Angie, what do you say to people that just want the plan so they can follow it?
  • No one’s homeschool looks the same.
  • Your kids are unique.
  • You are unique as a teacher.
  • You need to find what works best for you and your kids.
• How do you make sure they learn what’s required if you decided what to teach them.
  • Go to your state’s website and find out the requirements.
  • You will discover how low the requirements actually are.
  • It’s very easy to far surpass them.

#08 Stewardship

• God calls us to steward things He gives us well.
• Time is important to steward well. Angie liked her free time which initiatlly discouraged her from wanting to homeschool. 
• She realized though that their vision for their legacy would be hard if they spent so much time away from her.
• Kelsey our oldest went to first grade but it took so much time to fix the poor influences of the kids around her.

#07 Socialization and Relationships

• Who do you want your kids to be like?
• If I could find kids in the public education system in their teenage years that I want my kids to be like that might sway me. But unfortunately very few over the years.
• Do we want our kids to be the kind of people we love spending time with when they are older?  Yes!
• So if we are the ones we are helping to socialize them this is more likely to happen.
• We believe it’s important to highly influence who they spend time with while they are younger so they make smart choices when they are older about who they spend time with.
• You cannot become isolated if you homeschool, you must be proactive in building relationships with families you want your kids to run with.
• If you aren’t socially awkward, then you probably won’t raise socially awkward kids.

#06 It’s Sanctifying, It Produces a Rare Fruit

• Anything worth doing is hard.
• But neither is putting them in public school if you are going to detox them on the things that aren’t good.
• However, they are educated there will be hard work required by you to do it well.
• It’s sanctifying to surrender your will to His.
• We encourage you to pray to God on how He wants you to be obedient in this area.
• We are to walk in the spirit, not the flesh.
• Living in obedience will look different for different families.

Unity is not uniformity.

#05 Indoctrination

• There is good and bad indoctrination.
• It’s always happening. It’s good or bad and there is no in-between. Your kids are being filled every day, is it media and liberal ideologies at school that’s filling them or you?
• I don’t know why parents are shocked when kids fall away or have more liberal beliefs than they do when they let the world fill them while they are young?
• It is very clear that you are in charge of what they are indoctrinated with.
• We are not to be of the world. If you are allowing the kids to be indoctrinated by the world you are disobeying God.
• We need to run the race and finish the race and how do you do this if you let them be overly indoctrinated by the world.

#04 Discipline

• Training our children to be living a spiritually disciplined life.
• We should want them around so we can model it often for them.
• There will be lots of times that our kids need to be corrected
  • Teachers can’t do it the way you can.
  • They won’t do it, they don’t have the bandwidth either.
  • If your kids roll their eyes, they need to be held accountable for that for example.

#03 Discipleship

• It’s not an event, it’s something that happens every day and differently based on age.
• We cover this in detail with resource lists in the Parenting Mentor Program.
• Read the word of God often to your kids.
• Do family Bible time.
• Discipleship must be woven into the fabric of every day.
• If you only get the leftovers when they get home from school, it’s very hard to dig in with them when they are tired.

#02 Leaving a Legacy

• A multigenerational vision for your family.
• What you do with your kids will echo into the future.
• What do you want to be repeated in the future?
• We already know what the future is for the world is, everything continues to get worse. We aren’t to fear it we are to lead and stand for righteousness in it.
• How are you going to create leaders in a deteriorating culture if you are leaving a legacy of them being indoctrinated by the world?
• We want to leave one generation praising God’s works to the next generation.
• There are many mundane hard days, weeks, and months but you must remember the why.
• You are cultivating a closer relationship with your kids.
• You are modeling with them what they should be doing with their kids.
• Do you think the education system is going to get better in 20 years?

#01 The Mission and Your Why

• We are leaders in the great commission starting with our children. 
• If you don’t teach them when they are young, they won’t ask for your advice when they are older.
• Beware of academic elitism getting between you and your children.
• You must figure out your why and make sure your education choices align.
• For us, it is a conviction to do this. Our bigger goal can’t be accomplished without it.

Scripture Mentioned In This Episode

1 Timothy 4 “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.”

Collosians 2:8 “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.”

Proverbs 4:20 “My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings.”

Titus 2:11-14 “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Psalm 145:1 “One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts.”

1 Corinthians 1:19 “For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”

Matthew 25:21 “His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'”

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In today’s world, this is more important than ever. We are to teach our kids about every aspect of things and be the first to do so. Unfortunately well-intentioned parents are often last to teach them about sex. If it’s hard for you to talk about sex with your husband it’s probably really hard with your kids.

How did you learn about sex?

Some crazy stats (Source)

• 21% of Christian teenage girls have sent a naked picture of themselves
• The largest age group consuming internet porn is kids ages 12-17.
• 90% of 8 -16-year-olds have viewed porn.

Do you want your kids to have the same experience you did in how you learned about sex when you were a kid?

We Must Be Proactive Vs. Reactive Parents

• You must teach them earlier than you probably think.
• Proactive means doing things before there’s a need for what you are teaching them.
• Doing things in advance of what they are going to face in the future.
• This conversation should be woven into the fabric of your parenting

God’s Design For Sex Series

• We’ve used these books for over a decade and they’ve revamped them so they are relevant to today’s issues.
• How to have all the right conversations from young to older.
• Do you have healthy conversations with your kids?
• Modest but helpful illustrations.
• Over 1 Million copies sold.

Godsdesignforsexbooks.com

 

It’s Vital To Create Open Communication 

• You have to ask questions that force a response often.
• Be patient and really listen.
• Use the coach approach; Ask three questions deep.
• Proactively engaging them on tough topics.
• Teach them the Biblical truth about sex. That it’s for marriage and it’s pleasurable, it’s a good thing!
• Teach that it’s also meant for procreation.

Practical Tips

• Use the real terminology for things.
• Teach your kids how to hold their thoughts captive.
• Tell your boys, it is a good thing that you are attracted to girls. But that’s for marriage, we aren’t to act on that and pursue a girl unless you are the right age and you feel they are marriage potential.
• When you start being vulnerable and having tough conversations it makes your kids comfortable to continue. This is vital so they are comfortable coming to you.
• Never skip scripture when going through books of the bible.

Instill Your Kids Confidence In Their Purity

• They can’t be confident in it if they don’t know what the bible says and can’t talk to you.
• Teach them the Biblical truth about their bodies. It’s not theirs.
• It’s vital for raising confident Christian kids for an uncertain world.
• They need to have a personal conviction to stay pure.
• Do you have open communication about these things with your kids.
• Let them know in advance that when unappropriate things happen,  they can come to talk to you and not be embarrassed.
• If you aren’t right there having the open conversations the world can’t wait to inform your kids in the wrong ways.
• Social media algorithms are built by what we have told it we like so it can feed us more of it.
  • We are training algorithms to show us more of what we scroll slowly on.
  • There’s a record of this that could be used against us.

Relationship With Your Kids

• If your kids don’t grow up having conversations about the most important aspects of life, you likely won’t have a close relationship when they are older you hope for.
• Parents aren’t life-transforming, God’s word is.

Scripture Used In This Episode

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;”

Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”

Romans 6:13 “And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.”

1 Peter 1:15 “but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,”

Ephesians 6:10-12  “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. “

Ephesians 6:17 “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;”

Resources

• God’s Design For Sex Books, over 1 million copies sold. Must have books to teach about sex.

• All Ministry Resources: becourageousministry.org

  

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  Thank you for being part of this movement to equip 10 million families and their legacies with Biblical truth to raise confident Christian kids in an uncertain world.

This is a sensitive topic on the challenges a competitive spirit can have on your family and legacy. This relates to marriage too, if we have it in our marriage they will mimic us. This is a big warning to parents.

Someone once said, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. When we are really familiar with each other we tend to take each other for granted and stop giving our best to the relationships.

Not all competition is bad. Our heart is to give you a balanced perspective. We as Christians are told to run a race and there’s an enemy trying to take us out. We must prepare our kids to run the race and beat the enemy as well.

A competitive spirit largely is very dangerous. Many well-intentioned parents are cultivating bad sibling relationships in their families.\

Think about these questions real quick

• Do your kids fight?
• A spirit of me versus we? 
• Do your kids one-upping one another?
• Does jealousy show up in your family?

Parents can unintentionally encourage dangerous competitiveness  saying things like;

• “How come you can’t be more like your brother in…?”
• “Your sister can do it, why can’t you?”   
• “You always…You never…but she does it well..”

Never say these kinds of things because what you are doing is creating a competitive spirit within your children.

You are building today what you want tomorrow

A question that comes when you speak about this is “If we don’t want to create a competitive spirit within my kids, should I prevent them from doing sports?”  

The answer is no, sports can be very positive if parents lead their kids about it properly.

There are a lot of good things about competitive sports

• Work ethic, teamwork, endurance
• Pushing to being your best.
• Developing confidence that’s an anchor for attempting greater things.
• Pursuing excellence.
• Friendships from going through something together.
• If a great coach, perhaps a code of conduct.

God calls us to do everything unto the Lord. We should be focused on giving our best versus better than others. We shouldn’t want someone else to fail.

This shows up in adulthood

• With men it often shows up in greeting someone new, finding out what each other do for work. But it’s sometimes done with a competitive spirit, sizing eachother up kind of experience.
  • In God’s eyes work is work, nobody’s work is more important than some elses as long as it’s good.
  • That competitive spirit can ruin fellowship with other men
• With Women, it’s comparison of family, looks, and lifestyle.

We should be sober-minded about ourselves and comparing our character to what God expects of Christians.

If you haven’t been parenting in a way that corrects this, it’s never too late. 

Ask your kids, why do you want to win so bad? Talk this out from a Biblical perspective.

The wind of culture is blowing towards a competitive spirit, so we have to combat that consistently with our influence. There’s no quick fix.

It’s a lot of small decisions made consistently over and over again, over a long period of time while they are in your home.

Either you are cultivating a spirit of humility and glorifying God, or pride and arrogance in your kids.

When the wind is blowing one way, you are the parent pushing against it the other way.

What do we want their identity wrapped up in?  Their own ability, or who they are in Christ?

What are we preparing our kids for, this world or the next?

Challenges Of Competitiveness With Siblings

Beware of encouraging ageism

• If the goal is only to be challenged and win at things, then they won’t want to place with the younger kids.

Don’t Become A Performance-Based Home

• Is there pressure to be perfect?
• Do your kids feel like if they don’t perform, they will be loved less?
• In the early years, kids adapt to whatever gets the most love from their parents.
• This drives kids doing activities they may not even care about.
• This creates a works-based belief system causing a spiritual belief that’s a works-based to please God and go to heaven.

It’s vital our kids know we love them no matter what

• Tell your kids “I love you, no matter what you do”.
• Make sure your behavior matches this

We should teach our kids;

• Win well is a skill taught by parents.
• How to lose well is also an important skill taught by parents.
• Teach about Gossip.
• Reminding kids of their selfishness and how that departs from Godliness and hurts relationships.

How to work with your kids on this

• Talk to them about how it makes their sibling feel
• Ask why they feel the need to tell everyone how good they are
• Remind them of the importance to put their relationship ahead of themselves looking good.
• Correct your kid if he’s having a hard time learning from another sibling, even if they are younger.
• Don’t let your kids use “Best Friend”. It is exclusive and puts others out. 

Here’s a Recent Example We Used With Our Kids On How Not To Be:

>>>>> DailyWire.com article on the US Women’s Soccer Team, “Megan Rapinoe Is No Leader”

Scripture In This Episode

Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Timothy 4:8 “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.”

Philippians 2:2-4 “fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

James 3:5-7 “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature, and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.”

James 4:1 “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?”

Luke 9:46-48 “Then a dispute arose among them as to which of them would be greatest. And Jesus, perceiving the thought of their heart, took a little child and set him by Him, and said to them, “Whoever receives this little child in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me. For he who is least among you all will be great.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

This is relevant to every married couple with kids. It’s so easy to not realize we’ve made idols out of things in our lives.

Here’s some questions that might reveal some idolatry:

• Have you ever struggled with remembering that you are more than a Mom?
• Do we love God more than we love our kids
• Do the decisions we make about lifestyle choices reveal if God is our first priority or not?
• Are our kids more of a focus than our marriage?

What is an idol: Anything that interferes or replaces our worship of God

An idol of family causes erosion slowly over time that’s hard to notice leading to massive regrets in the later years. We should regularly audit our marriage and parenting to see if it’s seeping in.

Even well-intentioned parents fall into this ditch

 

1. If You Fear The World, Family Might Be An Idol

• If you fear to bring kids into the world, why is it? Is it because we are worried about kids suffering in this world? First of all, who’s child is it? It’s God’s kid! And what’s the purpose of parenting? To glorify God and to equip His kids to impact the world for His Kingdom.
• If we have that fear, our focus is wrong, we may be caring too much about our family over what God cares about.
• There could be a temptation for people to even put what a Biblical family looks like on a pedestal, and think to themselves “I can’t do that”, “I can only handle what I have”, “I don’t want to work that hard” so I’m not going to bring another child into the world. Do you see how there are too many “I’s” in this language?
• Am I making decisions regarding parenting because of a fear of the world?
• Also Over-focusing on our jurisdictions that distracts us from God’s purposes.
• The very thing we are protecting and holding dear could be suffering because we don’t keep God first.
• We are all for being wise as the Bible calls us to as Christians.
• People can take protecting too far where it becomes unhealthy isolationism. Often referred to as Fear-Based Parenting.
• Our kids need to gradually experience the world while they are raised in our homes with good communication, trust, and love.

Check Out Isaac’s Health Coach at RiseLifeAcademy.com/Transformation

2.Your Marriage Relationship Will Suffer

• After the kids leave the home the parents no longer have anything to talk about
• It’s vital to nourish the marriage relationship while you are parenting
• Ask yourself “Am I investing in my marriage?”  “What can I do better to nourish my marriage”
• Can you tell your kids “Follow our example”? Do you want them to have a marriage like yours?
• Guys, you must initiate in your marriage, pursue your bride and cherish her
• If you overly focus on your kids and under focus on your marriage you end up hurting your kids anyways in the long run.
• Audit how much you talk about your kids and maintenance talk versus communication about your relationship.
• It’s vital to do date nights. 
• Whatever you’re worried about, if it tends to be about kids, you might be idolizing family
• We aren’t supposed to worry, it’s a lack of faith. We are to fear God, that good kind of fear where we respect His authority in our lives, His love for us, and understand He’s a jealous God for our attention and devotion.

3. Parents will have Doctrine erosion if the kids stray from the faith

• If parents idolize family they sometimes let go of some of the truth in the Bible so the wayward kid’s lifestyles become acceptable.
• It’s a sign parents love their kids more than they love God.
• We must be humble, sober-minded, and not think that we won’t fall away or do these things. That’s what the enemy wants you to believe.
• We are actually 1-2 bad decisions away from being in the horrible situations we see people we know who have moved away from God and embraced sin.
• Idols erode your faith a little bit over a long period of time equals disaster.
• We live in a day where so many have their own truth. If you as parents don’t hold to the whole truth in the Bible, you will be showing them that they can’t trust any of it.
• We should never move to a lesser belief in the Bible just because there is sin in our families lives.
• Condition of a child-centric home, a home where the kids are in charge. The kid’s sports or activities rule the whole family to a point that it fuels their selfishness.
• Your identity must be in Christ not your family
  • Is your identity too wrapped up in being a Mom?
  • Is your identity too wrapped up in your work Dads?
• If you’re not spending time daily in the word, then you are focusing more on other things than Him.
• We must be the firm foundation that’s upholding the truth in the world

4. Family Prioritized over Godliness

• If we are putting relationships with others over our kids purity and Godliness there’s a problem.
• You need to be aware that what you sow you reap.
• Putting kids sports games as more important than going to church. This is a sign that you idolize family over Godliness.
• If we don’t meet regularly with other believers we will likely start to stray over time.

They are watching and learning from the pattern of your life. 

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Join our marriage conversation we are working through right now to lead our family with purpose as we finish this year and build momentum into next. We invite you to think through three questions with us that will keep our marriages and family going in the right direction.

Vision is incredibly important as it brings meaning to the mundane and furthers ongoing clarity on what matters.

It’s so easy to get caught in a busy rhythm that doesn’t lead to where we actually want to be as a marriage and family by the end of the year.

It’s important to stop and reflect so we can make small adjustments that make a large difference.

It can be encouraging too as you have accomplished some things and you may want to add to your family or personal initiatives too.

It’s also vital to reflect on where your kids are at right now with their faith, character, and obedience issues so you can re-focus on what they need from you.

We encourage you to make a list of things you want to go over with your spouse as you listen to this.

Subscribe to our email list to receive the NEW DATE NIGHT VISION SHEET!

This new one-sheet download is helpful as you go on a date night to discuss the different areas of life and assess what to grow in and help your kids make progress. If you are on the email list open it to get it this week!

If you’re not on the email list go to courageousparenting.com to signup for it.

We’re letting you in on our own marriage discussion right now

Q1: How is our family culture going this year?

Culture is;

• The actual behavior that happens when no one’s looking.
• It’s the ethos, the actual thinking and what’s acceptable.
• The unwritten rules.
• The heart posture of each person in your family

Evaluate the heart attitudes in your family. When your family has a focus, actions flow out of that.

Our culture driving initiatives for this year we launched in January are;

• We vs. me
• We are creators
  Less consumption and more using our gifts and passions to contribute to others.
• Generosity
  • Generous with time, money, forgiveness and things.
  • Instead of what I want to do right now and thinking about what God wants me to do at the moment.

How do you have joy if you’re not generous?

It’s about creating simple areas of focus.

• What is one small thing said in our mind, that’s memorable that catalyzes the right behaviors in the moment that cause us to make better decisions, improved communication, and better heart attitudes?
• If you ware walking in the flesh you will make these decisions in the flesh. If you are walking in the spirit you will make decisions in the spirit.
• Which decisions do you think will be better?
• Are you walking in the spirit?
• Proactive parents make a plan and have a vision. They will see growth in each kid due to their proactive efforts.
• Versus reactive parenting because you don’t have vision.
  • Their behavior isn’t respectful.
  • Your family isn’t improving in areas you are focused on.
  • It’s vital to have vision from the Holy Spirit. The Spirit gives us discernment on what our kids need so we can focus on it.

Are you living in Chaos?

• Chaos comes from living as a reactive parent.
• Overwhelmed by everything.
• A victim of circumstances.
• Perhaps look for ways more discipline could help you.
• Perhaps trusting God more?
• Sometimes it’s just a feeling more than reality anyway.
• Maybe you need to ask your spouse for help?

Marriage tips

• One of the most powerful ways a husband grows spiritually is by the wife asking him theological questions.
• Use the free Date Night One Sheet to get the ball rolling as a marriage together.
• Husbands, take initiative and use the one sheet, or write some of the questions down in your journal and communicate with your bride.
• If your marriage isn’t strong, perhaps “Marriage Matters” is a key culture statement you are going to decide together.
• Listening could be a focus this year.
• It’s a great way to get in alignment in your marriage.

Q2: How are our initiatives progressing?

• An initiative is declaring what to focus on.
• Make personal ones and family orientated ones as we’ve talked about.
• Take kids on dates and discuss their initiatives.
• Ask your kids “What are you passionate about this year that you’re not doing?”
• Show your kids that you care about their dreams.
• It’s important with older kids that you involve them in the process of discovering their goals.
• Make sure your whole family isn’t centered around one person’s growth agenda.
• We don’t want to push our kids into “our goals” that we had when we were younger.
• We should value teaching them the self-discipline of setting goals and achieving them.
• Being introspective on areas to grow is a vital life skill.

Q3: What areas do each of us need to grow in?

• One of the best gifts you can give your kids is a strong marriage.
• This will help your marriage thrive.
• The areas of life we’ve listed as we’ve done this are:
  • Spiritual
  • Relationships
  • Health
  • Personal development
  • Financial
  • Habits
  • Projects
• Feel free to adjust them to what you want to do.
• These are the areas we rate ourselves on 1-10, 10 highest in November preparing for the new year.
• Think about the family this time of year. How is your family doing on these things.
• Then think about each kid and discern what God’s prompting you about them.
• How are their relationships with siblings?
• Their education?
• Their walk with God or lack of?

Pray and ask God to give you wisdom in how you talk to your spouse about this.

Ask what your kids need from you.

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

Don’t miss out on the opportunities that exist through expecting more out of your babysitters. For her, you and your kids. This episode will open your eyes to some things that you can immediately change or implement to protect your kids but also create a more fruitful experience when they are watched.

• We are going to share our story about finding babysitters
• Ideas about how to find babysitters
• A vision for the relationship you should have with those who watch your kids
• How to train your babysitter

You are held accountable for what happens to your kids and It’s when we aren’t there that the most challenging things have the greatest chances of happening.

There Are Really Good Reasons To Have a Sitter

• There are seasons that are harder than others.
• It’s important that you have time to take care of yourself.
• It’s also important to nourish your marriage and have date nights.
• Create and budget to invest in a good babysitter

You want to be generous to attract and retain a great babysitter. What is the real value of a person intentionally watching and taking care of your kids?

How To Find a Babysitter

• Go to your church and ask what kids are the most responsible
• Check into the youth group and meet the parents of potential sitters
• If you are in fellowship with people who 
• Who are the strongest believers that you truly know, ask them who watches their kids?
• You cannot assume that the babysitter knows what to do and has the same integrity you see in their parents.
• Brainstorm with your spouse about what your expectations are and what kind of person you are looking for.

Have Vision for a Great Babysitter

• Ideally, you would be walking in fellowship with other families and know them well enough to be able to say. I want my kids to turn out like this young lady. She’s who you would want to ask.
• Build a relationship with her beyond the babysitting role. She should see value in helping you also because of your personal investment in the relationship
• Your relationship should be mutually beneficial. She should feel like you are helping her for motherhood.
• You are looking for people who flee youthful lusts. You don’t want someone that has FOMO (Fear of missing out). You need to pay attention to this otherwise they will be on their phone a lot.
• Don’t be fooled by your own kids giving the wrong feedback. Some kids might like being left alone while the sitter is on the phone and not tell you.
• Layout specific expectations
  • Let her know you want a debrief after every time she babysits. Let her know you welcome criticism, that you want the real deal. The truth about your kid’s behavior.
  • If the story is different than what your kids are saying then you might have a problem.
• You need to know the family of the babysitter. 
• When you are gone, you want it to be an additive experience for your kids.
• It’s a huge witness to your babysitter if your kids are respectful, obedient, and a joy to spend time with. Work hard at that.

How to train your babysitter

• This is the wife’s jurisdiction and you are employing someone to take care of your home and kids.
• If you have daughters, they will most likely become sitters, so you want to train them to do this well too.
• Set expectations of what’s not okay; being on their phone, no technology, no TV unless we are good with them watching a movie, music boundaries, no earphones.
• If the kids are sleeping, then you should still be working. Clean the kitchen, put things away, vaccuum, don’t leave kids clothes on the floor…
• Leave the house better than when you got there if possible.
• Teach them how you want them to correct your kids. What do you want them to do. You want them to have some leverage to help them.
  • Loss of privilege, time away from everyone, take toys away, go to bed early.
• Set her up for success
• Be honest with the areas you are struggling with regarding your kids so they can have an eye on it.
• If your sitter doesn’t share it with you she will likely share it with her parents. Who do you want to hear it?
• The word babysitter is problematic if your kids aren’t baby’s.
• Ask her what she wants to be called.

Extra thoughts and warnings

• We would never let our sons watch other peoples kids
• Culture hasn’t looked favorably on boys watching kids
• We are in the #MeToo era and don’t want a chance for an accusation against our sons to exist.
• We want to live in a way that is above reproof. As parents, we must protect our son’s reputations.
• Husbands should never drive a babysitter home or be home alone with her.
• Pay well and give a good tip if they do a good job!
• Your husband is not a babysitter, he’s their Dad, he’s a parent. If you call your husband a babysitter it doesn’t speak well of your husband.
• Dad’s, seize the opportunities to be alone with your kids.

Scripture In This Episode

2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

Titus 2:3-8 “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things–that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.”

1 timothy 5:18 “For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer is worthy of his wages.””

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

It’s vital to create signature experiences that establish what it means to be a man or woman. Perhaps even more powerful is the influence on your parenting when you know you are going to have a ceremony for your kids when they are teenagers. It causes you to build the right relationships and establish clear goals for fruitfulness in your kids.

This is why this episode is relevant to all parents regardless of how old your kids are right now.

Part of having vision is setting benchmarks for where you want your kids to be by certain ages. If you know you will have a ceremony then you have something you are building towards with clarity about the character qualities you want your kids to have.

When did you know you were a man or a woman?  What were the events that took place that caused you to believe you were a man or a woman?

Culture gives all the wrong signals of what it means to be a man or woman, often it’s even defined by scandalous actions which is sad. That’s not true. We must give a clear vision to our kids.

We need to call out womanhood and manhood as early you feel is appropriate.

 

One of the things we’ve talked to our kids about. We want to treat you like a young adult, that means you have to act like one. If you act like a child we will treat you like one. If you act like an adult we will treat you like one.

It’s so important to call out that man and woman in your kids and do it in grand fashion. What’s lacking today is utilizing the power of ceremony.

You will need worthy people to speak into your son or daughters life.

We want to encourage you to dream about what would speak volumes to your kid’s heart. An experience that anchors their faith, acknowledges their spiritual gifts, their identity in Christ, good character, and Godliness.

We get to do this as parents! It’s vital to study our kids so we know what we can call out and encourage in them.

Who are around you that will be worthy of being at the table who know your kids, you trust will be in your lives into the future, who you trust Biblically that you want to speak life into your kids in the future when you do your ceremonies for your kids?

Be in prayer and ask God to bring those people into your lives. It’s so powerful to have other adults your kid’s respect speaking the same truths you are into your kids lives.

We are raising future adults

• We don’t want them to fail to launch. We don’t want them to be boys in man’s bodies or girls in women’s bodies.
• We need to create a benchmark with a time and place to have a ceremony. Somewhere between 13 and 16, we are going to do a ceremony.
• Deadlines are important. When you have a goal, you know how many years you have to build towards it
• How many parents hate the teenage years? Or are in fear of the teenage years?
• We absolutely love the teenage years because of training them up in love and Biblical truth.
• You have been commissioned to be an example to all believers, prove the culture wrong about teenagers. In order to do this, you will need support. Build your support team so your kids aren’t’ running the race alone and neither are you.
• When people are young it’s so easy for kids to develop a worldly focus when God wants them to have a Kingdom-minded focus. What’s the focus of your kids?
• Teenagers struggle the most with the comparison trap. Comparing themselves to others and being swayed by it. 
• Teach your kids contentment and Godliness. Pray for an inner-transformation of their heart towards Christ.
• It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen one before. You get to do whatever you feel called to do. What we do is actually very simple but powerful.
• You are going to do it the way you are supposed to and want to do it. It doesn’t have to be like others.

Ceremony Is Important

• Unfortunately, ceremony is usually limited to marriage and death.
• There should be multiple ceremonies. 
• This is a signature experience at a critical time.
• It’s great if you have people of varying ages your child has had a relationship with, who can say personal things about your child and that you want your child to look up to. 
• Food brings out the best in people, make sure there is great food.
• Make it meaningful with an agenda and people coming prepared ahead of time to speak to your young adult.
• Have people prepare to bring a small gift that is a token of manhood or womanhood reminding your child of their message.
• They give their 10-minute message and the gift sharing what it means to be a Godly Man or Woman.
• Have a declaration that everyone can sign. We are giving free templates and further training on this in the PARENTING MENTOR PROGRAM.

Notes From Interviewing Austin (16) & Megan (14) About Their Ceremonies

• Austin

  • It was a pivotal moment in my walk as a man.
  • The men I most respected spoke into my life.
  • As a 14-year-old, being told I’m a man was so powerful.
  • I had more respect after that and I’m now included in more things.
  • I now go to the men’s Bible study.
  • Most people I talk to don’t know when they became a man, but for me, it was so affirming having men I respect telling me that I’m a man.
  • I like that they are now going to hold me accountable to walking as a man

• Megan

  • I appreciated all the time my mom spent preparing it.
  • Women teaching me how to be a Biblical woman.
  • My bucket just filled up!
  • The relationships with the woman have grown.
  • The dinner was amazing while hearing from Women I respect.
  • I appreciate that they will hold me accountable.

It’s important to have fellowship with adults who don’t prescribe to ageism and spend time with people younger than them. People who take seriously modeling manhood and womanhood for your kids.

This changes their social world as they no longer think and play like a child and are welcomed as young men and woman into those conversations. It raises the level of expectations on your kids at the right time.

We all rise to the expectations on us and unfortunately, expectations are too low even in the larger Christian community.

Scriptures Mentioned In This Episode

1 Timothy 4:12 “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

1 Timothy 6:6-7 “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.”

1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

1 Corinthians 16:13  “Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Resources

• Courageous Mom Blog Post “Biblical Womanhood Ceremony: Raising Daughters To Live For God”
• Resolute Man Blog Post “The Manhood Ceremony”
• Parenting Mentor Program, a 6-Week, self- paced online program giving you the Biblical Parenting Model
• Inspired by the book “Raising A Modern-Day Knight” by Robert Lewis

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

A few simple disciplines woven into your daily parenting rhythm can make all the difference. The parenting gap that could be hurting your kids future walk with God is teaching the spiritual law of reaping and sowing.

We cannot grow weary while doing good work as parents. It’s vital we don’t go into escapism instead of parenting well.

It has a lot to do with how you respond to your kids when they have challenges in their lives. It’s important to bring sowing and reaping into the conversation. No one can run away from the law of sowing and reaping which is an eternal issue.

An example:  if I’m angry at my kids I’m sowing a legacy of anger in them. That’s of the flesh and not of the spirit.

1.You Must Teach God’s Authority To Your Kids

• If they don’t believe in God, the spiritual side of sowing and reaping is meaningless.
• It should be woven into the fabric of your family dynamics.
• This is ingrained in our daily lives, we talk to our kids about this almost on a daily basis since they were toddlers throughout their whole life.
• Look for opportunities to teach your kids that God is the ultimate authority, he’s real, he loves us, in fact, he loves us so much that he will allow challenges to get our attention. He might allow us to be tested.
• We must teach what fearing God is and looks like. The kind of fear that has reverence for who God is and His power over our lives. He has control over our lives, we have free will and ability to choose but he also has control.
• Teach by praying with your kids. Are we praying reverently or just memorized sayings at dinner? 
• Praying out loud teaches your kids you can have a relationship with God. 
• They have to see parents surrendered to God’s authority. If they don’t they probably won’t believe in the spiritual side to sowing and reaping.
• Putting God in His rightful place in your life is a crucial example for your kids. Are there any idols you need to take off a pedestal?
• The Bible is the living breathing word of God. It’s the inherent word of God, all of it is true. Do your kids understand that? Do they see your conviction in it? Do they see you reading the old and new testaments and connecting the dots? Do you make it relevant to their world?
• Do you share how God has answered prayers your family has prayed for? That you have prayed for?
• Your kids must see your active faith.
• If they truly know God, then the principle of sowing and reaping will mean something deep to them.
• If God is the authority in your life then your kids should see you obeying it’s truth.
• If we are going to sow Godliness in our children, it’s only done through the wisdom and power of the holy spirit. We must know the word to share wisdom with them.

Your number one ministry is your family

2. Teach Through Consequences

• There’s a physical truth of this which could have nothing to do with the spiritual.
  • Example: If you don’t study, you won’t do well on the test.
• The spiritual ones are even more important.
• The ramifications of sin gone undealt with for a long period of time are legacy destroying.
• Unfortunately what’s often preached in our churches is only the grace of God.
  • There are real consequences for unrepentant sin.
• Parents are the God-given authority over kids. Its vital parents say no, are tough, and even cancel plans if kids are in error.
  • It’s an opportunity to teach your kids by giving consequences for bad behavior.
• Unfortunately, too many parents are weak. This is the souls of your kids that’s at stake.
• We want to raise our kids to be confident Christian kids ready to launch into an uncertain world.
• Teach your kids to judge who they are close friends with.

3. Practical Tips by Age Groups

• Ages 0-3
  • Family Bible time, a practical way to teach the word of God.
    • They need to know that evil company corrupts good habits.
    • Sow the seed of the word of God.
  • Teach situational consequences. If you do this then this will happen.
    • Get the “If-Then Chart” DoorPost.com gives tons of resources, use the code all caps COURAGEOUSMOM to get a discount.
• Ages 4-11
  • Sibling relationships are huge for training your kids.
    • These are lifelong relationships.
    • Opportunities to encourage your kids to grow and move away from selfishness.
  • Consequences of lying, how God detests a lying tongue
  • Dealing head-on with manipulation.
    • Any sin should be handled directly using the name of the sin
  • Disobedience and how it hurts their relationship with God. 
    • A standard of obeying the first time, and the importance of respecting authority
  • The reasons parents don’t go over consequences with kids is that it takes more time. Parents are selfish for their own agenda and time. It takes slowing down, getting on their eye level and communicating the consequences of their actions.
• Ages 12-18
  • Anyone that tells you the teenage years are harder, that only happens if you don’t do Biblical parenting.
  • We are loving the teenage years!
  • God wants us to be pure and sharing the consequences of not being pure.
  • If we are equipping kids, then we need to educate them ahead of time about the consequences of sin.
  • Social media; what you post brands you. Your identity on the internet should be true and righteous.
    • The algorithms know you by what you’ve clicked or looked at, scrolled slower on. It is building an algorithm that learns what to tee up for you in your newsfeed.
    • Are you creating a pure algorithm by your viewing habits? What do social media algorithms say about you?
    • You don’t want to be branded by what social media companies know about you. 
  • You can teach the principle of sowing and reaping regarding jobs, school, money…

If you sow sparingly you will reap sparingly. So as parents we have a huge lesson there too.

We want to sow bountifully into our children the word of God so it reaps bountifully a life that is righteous, holy and living on the right path.

We should believe in big things, be bold for doing big things for God, and we should encourage our kids to do that and sow deeply for the Glory of God.

We don’t want to be sowing sinfulness in our kids and we also want to be encouraging them in what to be walking in.

There should be consequences for bad behavior but also good things happening when they do what’s right. Teach our kids that they can be sowing the word of God in their relationships and how they live their lives.

While they are in our homes we want to have these conversations while we have the most influence on them before we launch them into the world. It doesn’t mean we purposefully find consequences for them, there should be plenty of teaching opportunities if we are willing to see and act on them.

Scriptures In This Episode

Galatians 6:7-10 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

2 Timothy 4:1-5 “I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”

Colossians 3:23-24 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”

2 Corinthians 9:6 “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.”

Proverbs 22:6 & 8 “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

Thank you to all the Dad’s out there, if you are listening to this podcast it’s a sign that you are striving to lead Biblically!  Way to go! Your legacy will impact the world because of your intentional efforts. You are counter-cultural defying what culture says about dads, often showcased in media as bozos, unimportant, and not involved. This episode should inspire and give direction to leading your family spiritually.

You are far more then a provider

We know you know that, but sometimes you can feel the pressure in today’s culture that that’s all people want from you.

God has made you a King of your family. You are a leader, God appointed you as the pastor of your home to cherish, encourage and take care of your wife. To be a team with her, equal in value but with different roles. You are the spiritual leader of your home.

You may not feel like it sometimes, but this episode will help you

In the old testament, King Hezekiah followed and loved God but his father did not. His father was a bad king that brought increasing idolatry into the culture distracting people away from God. King Hezekiah strived established a new legacy for his kingdom with his leadership and despite your upbringing, so can you!

He didn’t depart from following God and prospered wherever he went. The only other king to subdue the Philistines was David.  By taking out the Philistines, Hezekiah created an independent nation for Judah.

Because King Hezekiah trusted in the Lord when the enemies came in to take over their nation, God protected them. Israel to the north of Judah got taken out because that King didn’t obey God.

What kind of king or father do you want to be? We live in a world that is opposed to our families. You have to be the kind of leader that leads with real faith in God and walks in the spirit, not the flesh.

You need to build deep relationships with your kids and show them that active faith.

 

Was Isaac raised reading the Bible and knowing the Lord’s commands?

• I wasn’t, I never new my biological Dad and was largely raised by my mom in my formative years.
• I grew up without the faith, didn’t believe in God and had too much freedom in my life.
• A year before getting married I became a believer and quickly realized when we got married I needed to be the spiritual leader by reading the word, church, and asking an older man to mentor me.

How do you become a good king if you never saw a good king lead?

• When you become a believer you get the Holy Spirit.
• Listen to sermons on podcasts.
• Diligently seek out an older Godly man that can mentor you.
• Embrace the times you are home and leverage technology when you are away for work trips.
• There’s always a way to lead your family.

There is no excuse for not leading spiritually if you have a rough background

Did you have fears about becoming a father for the first time?

• I had some but I learned early to embrace whatever God gives me, and rise up.
• When fear comes in I remind myself that God didn’t give me something so I could fear it.
• My thought process turns towards growing.
• Unfortunately, too many men don’t grow.
• We are called to grow spiritually and step up.
• If we still have the same problems, we may need to grow.
• The Bible is the manual so we don’t have an excuse.

Thoughts about leading spiritually

• Ask ourselves, am I giving my family good doctrine? You can’t if you don’t study the word.
• If you aren’t used to reading the Bible then you aren’t used to teaching the Bible. You can do both simultaneously!
• You could read a whole children’s book and it’s trivial in impact compared to reading one sentence in the Bible to your kids.

You want to be able to say to your kids when they are 18. I taught you the ways of the Lord.

Dad’s must fear God

• Completely surrendered to God in a visible way.
• Your faith can’t be a private matter, we must have a public faith in God.
• How we were parented is nowhere near what’s needed today.
• People have access to everything at their fingertips today.
• Unfortunately, today’s culture is winning the hearts of Christian kids.

Trust God when things get hard. If we over-trust ourselves we glorify ourselves to our kids. We need to Glorify God and point our kids to Him.

What gave King Hezekiah courage was his strong faith and God honored him.

• Do you exhibit that kind of faith when the challenges come?
• If you don’t have a strong faith you can’t be courageous in ways that glorify God by experiencing miraculous outcomes.
• Dad’s if you are going with the normal flow of Christian ways you are probably not making the best decisions.
• Dad’s must audit where they are being passive so they can reject it so you can lead unapologetically. So you can lead Biblically.
• Knowing what the Bible says so you can impart that wisdom on your kids.
• If you are treating your marriage like you are the CEO and your wife is the assistant you have it all wrong. You are the leader that digs into the trenches with your wife to raise kids. Be a servant leader.
• When you get home and you are in your car. Ask God to put aside the burdens on you and give you the energy to lead and help. Think about how you can make a difference in the kids before they go to bed.
• The Lord can turn your heart in whatever way He wishes
• Fathers have a huge impact on the future mothers of the world too. Date your daughter and hang with your sons. Cultivate deep relationship by asking deep questions. Let silence exist until they talk.
• Water skiing example (Listen to episode)

There’s a lack of heroes in this world, that’s your job. God made you to be that hero. Your legacy is at stake.

Have a clear vision for the size of your impact

• If you have 3 kids how many kids are you raising?
• 6 generations later if they each kid onward averages 3 kids,  it’s 365 kids 6 generations later. Are you really parenting 3 kids? You are parenting future generations. Multigenerational impact.
• No matter what you do for work, the biggest way you can have an impact is being an intentional and Biblical father.
• Let’s get a vision for fatherhood. Meet with your wife and discuss it.

Be a team with your wife

• Get the biblical roles right
• Work together as a team
• The most powerful team that can exist can be the marriage team
• Ask God to help you rise up and grow

Don’t let your ambition sacrifice your number one mission

You can do this! It’s okay if you feel a little convicted during this episode. We want you to be encouraged but also feel the need to improve.

We can improve. Let’s try to do better each day and ask God to help us do it.

It’s our jurisdiction to help our kids know God, but it’s up to the kids to build their own relationship with Him.

Let us know about this episode and connect with us on social media at Resolute Man and Courageous Mom.

Scriptures In This Episode

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

2 Kings 18:5 “He trusted in the Lord God of Israel, so that after him was none like him among all the kings of Judah, nor who were before him.”

Proverbs 4:2 “For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law.”

Proverbs 4:10 “Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, And the years of your life will be many.”

Deuteronomy 5:16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”

Proverbs 14:26 “In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge.”

1 Corinthians 16:13 “Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.”

Proverbs 20:7 “The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him.”

Proverbs 21:1 “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.”

If The Spirit Prompts You to Financially Support (We are a for-profit, for social good organization.)

At some point we all get frustrated with our kids, if that happens to you this episode will help you. It’s not the feeling of anger that’s the problem, it’s when we walk in the flesh instead of the spirit and show anger towards our kids. You can overcome this and it’s important to do so in order to leave a legacy of future parents who don’t raise their kids in anger.

There are some myths we will dispel, some parents may even think it’s okay to show anger towards their kids. This is a legacy destroyer.

Do you parent differently in your home than when you are outside your home around others?

Sometimes we can take our family for granted by treating them more poorly in some ways than others.

You might lose their heart if you consistently show anger over time.

We need to be aware of how powerful our influence is and our words are

The definition of Anger: The feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.

Anger is a feeling of annoyance which goes along with the Bible, in Ephesians 4:26…”be angry and do not sin”

Parents get frustrated with their child, but the word frustration isn’t in the Bible. Let’s not use our frustration as justification for showing anger.

What challenges are happening when you show anger towards your kids

• You are modeling how to be a parent someday.
• If you struggle with anger how can you hold your kids accountable?
• This grows as they become teenagers.
• If we are angry we will provoke our kids to wrath.
• If you are in anger with your kids they are likely not to even receive your message. They might obey out of fear but not really receive your message.
• They copy what we do which is super refining.

We are beside ourselves when showing anger towards our kids and have lost self-control

• You are lacking wisdom at that moment
• You have to stop yourself before you act out in anger
  • Take a break and pray before talking to your kids
  • Or make the choice to walk in the spirit versus staying in the flesh

 

Look for Physiological triggers of getting angry

• Learn your own and discover your kids so you can teach them.
• If we have a heightened awareness of these triggers we have more time to remind ourselves to walk in the spirit.
• People have different triggers, some are:
  • Red in the face.
  • Warming up.
  • Heart starts beating faster.
  • Temple vein starts throbbing.
  • Feel it in your stomach.
  • Lose eye contact.
  • Clench their jaw.
  • Retreat and move away from everyone.
• Self-Control is a fruit of the spirit. Are your kids saved? Have they received the gift of salvation and are they trying to walk as a believer. This opens up a whole new conversation about how to walk as a Christian.
• When you make a mistake, talk to your kids about it and how you dealt with it. When they see humility it boosts your influence when you teach them how to correct themselves.
• The open dialogue makes them feel included in the body of Christ. Pray for each other and together. It’s a two way street of trying to be Godly.
• Then they aren’t afraid of being vulnerable with you.
• When we are angry we are discouraging our kids.

When you are angry your kids will react, it will be different depending on the kid but it’s usually not good.

God wants you to look great to your kids, you are the authority God granted to your kids so they could be fruitful.

It’s important to make judgments about other Christians and teach our kids to judge the fruit of believers.

Lies

• “My kids are extra strong-willed, so it’s a lot harder for me”
• We as parents need to model self-control and teach them to have self-control instead of making excuses for not being able to correct their bad behavior.
• Don’t believe the lie that you can’t change because your parents got angry with you in their parenting.  God had good fruit for us when we are walking in the spirit. You can experience freedom from that.
• Another lie, “I can’t change”. That’s just not true.
• If your kids are super strong willed change your perspective. It’s a good thing to be able to see the bad behaviors so you know what to correct with your kids and accurately label it so they know what to improve.
• Don’t say “I’m doing everything I can”, that’s a great way to lose hope for change. We’re not doing everything we can, we are still learning and growing to do better.

The ultimate way to hold yourself accountable on not becoming angry at your kids is to teach your kids scripture about anger.

Anger creates distance between you and your kids but they need you to reconnect them to God.

The flesh vs. the fruit of the Spirit

• When you are walking in the flesh their’s selfish ambition at that moment
• When we as parents lose our temper, it’s not okay.
• Example: Kid’s yelling as you are driving (Listen in to know how to handle this)
• Look for short term sacrifices that create long-term gains

Fear-based obedience vs. Love-based obedience

• We don’t want to create a culture in our family that our kids do things because they actually fear you.
• Creates works only based Christians.
• We want our kids to experience God. We need to teach our kids to obey out of love of you and God so their heart is growing towards God vs. obedience just to avoid pain.
• Are you creating weak Christians who are at the whim of other people because they grow up fearing you?
• We aren’t saying to be weak with your kids.

There’s a difference between disappointment and anger

• Let’s be disappointed in their behavior
• Anger creates two different lives over time. Different behavior with their parents than with their friends. Are you being fooled?

Own it if you get angry, repent and be done with doing this. If we can’t do this then how can we expect our kids to have self-control and overcome this?

Let’s use any conviction we feel for the purpose of change. Let’s ask God to help us change. If you’ve struggled with this, there’s hope. God will help you!

If someone offends us we have two options

• Overlook the transgression
• If we can’t overlook it go talk to them about it

Scriptures In This Episode

Ephesians 4:26-31 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Galatians 5:24-25 “And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Proverbs 22:24-25  “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.”

James 1:19 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

Ecclesiastes 9:10 “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”

John 14:15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”

John 14:21 “He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

Proverbs 19:11 “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.”

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